Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 14:27:36 -0500
From: Charlie <charlieje@mindspring.com>
Subject: Andy 28 (young friends)

            XXVIII Strike Up The Band

Charlie's demeanor improved greatly after his talk with Andy, sitting on
the front porch in their boxers in the middle of the night. He still wasn't
his old self, but everyone understood why and made allowances. Charlie,
to his credit, would always apologize after he'd flown off the handle, and
that in itself helped him to think a little more before he spoke. But still his
voice stubbornly refused to do his bidding.

The family gatherings around the piano had become as regular as eating.
Paul's singing had improved greatly. He had received three years of the
best musical training in Italy, could read music and play flawlessly; now
that he understood harmony and could hear it, he could soon sing as
though he'd always done it. Little Christopher needed no coaching. His
voice was high enough to shatter glass and powerful enough to fill the
largest hall. He too had benefitted from Guido's teaching and could play
surprisingly well for his age. Andy still couldn't read music, but he was
learning fast; in the meantime he used his ears to find the right note, which
some say is preferable anyway. So Charlie was feeling like more one of a
group rather than a star, which was something of a relief for him. Now if
he could just get his voice to behave.

It was mid May, and the family had gathered around the piano as usual.
Charlie was playing the guitar, Karen the piano, Wade a set of drums he'd
brought over from home. Christopher, to everyone's surprise, had told
them he'd learned to play the violin in Italy so they had bought him one.
He played very well, but his playing style was not what one would
normally hear in a southern country band. No matter though, he was
having fun and learning fast. The entire family were going to go public in
a small way, once they got some of the kinks out of their music. The band
and singers were to be called simply "The Conner Family."

Karen asked Charlie to do a solo with the others harmonizing. He started
to sing and was doing not too badly until he encountered an extra high
note. He aimed at it, but missed it by a mile. Instead of the melodious tone
he'd expected, out came a very discordant croak! Christopher stifled a
giggle, but not before Charlie heard it. He started to cry. "It's no use,
Mom!" he moaned, "I just can't sing any more."
"Yes you can, Charlie, and I'm not gonna let you give up."
"But Mom, you just heard it. What if I do that in front of a crowd?"

"Charlie," Karen said, "Remember the time we poured that concrete pad
for hay storage?"
"Yes, I remember. But what does that have to do with my voice?"
"Remember what happened when you tried to run that power smoothing
machine thingy?"
"Yeah," he grinned, "How could I forget? That thing flew across the floor
with me holding on and crashed off the edge. It like to killed me!"
"Do you remember what your dad said? About why it happened?"
"Yeah, he told me not to try and force it, but to work with it and steer it."

"Remember the time you screwed up Ole John's steering?"
"Yes, ma'am. But I don't see how..."
"What happened, Charlie?"
"Mom, this is embarrassing. You know what happened."
"Yes, but your brothers don't. Maybe you can prevent the same thing from
happening again, so why don't you tell them?"

"Well, I was hauling a load of manure back to the back field. We'd had a
lot of rain and there were big ruts in the road. Ole John dropped a front
wheel into one of those ruts, an' I tried to steer out of it. The wheel kept
climbing partway out and falling back in, so I cut it all the way so it was
almost crosswise to the tractor. Then the wheel dug into the dirt and buried
itself, and the tractor kept on going and bent the main shaft in the steering
box. We were almost two weeks getting it fixed."
"Why, Charlie? Why did that happen?"
"I tried to force it. Dad said if I had just slowed down and let the wheel go
in the rut, I coulda ridden it out. If I hadn't forced... I tried to force...
FORCE???"

"Now you're getting the idea! Your voice is like that power screed,
Charlie. Or like Ole John's front wheel. You tried to force them to do
something they weren't designed to do and you saw what happened. Now
you're trying to force your voice to do something it can no longer do.
What happens when you try to lead a bull faster than he wants to go?"
"He stops and digs his heels in and won't go anywhere."
"What happens when you lead him at his own pace and just guide him?"
"He... he does what I want!"
"Do that with your voice, Charlie. Guide it, don't force it. You'll hit those
notes again, but it'll take time. Your little boy voice is gone forever, but
that doesn't mean your new one can't be as beautiful. And if you try to
force it you'll do more harm than good. Guide it, do your vocal exercises
faithfully, be kind to it and it'll be nice to you. Now, let's try that solo
again. If you think you can't hit that high note you probably can't, so pick
another one that harmonizes. You can drop an octave, pick a triad lower,
whatever you think sounds good. If it doesn't, well, that's what practices
are for, to find out things like that. If we could all sing and play perfectly
the first time there wouldn't be any need for practice. So let's try it again,
ok?"

"Man, your mom is somethin'!" Paul said as he and Charlie got ready for
bed. He had been sleeping with Andy for almost two weeks, then Andy
and Charlie had switched.
"OUR mom!" Charlie corrected, 'Yeah, she is, isn't she?"
"She is so tough, so demanding! I never worked this hard for Signore
Guido, and I thought he was a slave driver. But she makes it fun! Like
taking that time you messed up the tractor and using it to show you how to
sing. Who'd ever thought..."
"She's done that my whole life, Paul, and so has Dad. Sometimes they
teach me something and I don't even realize I'm learning. They're
awesome!"
"You can say that again."
"Ok," Charlie grinned, "They're AWESOME!"

It was late May, Friday afternoon, when the white limo pulled into the
yard. Out stepped Carlo and Guido. Paul and Charlie came running to
greet them, followed by the rest of the family minus Christopher. As
everyone was embracing each other warmly, Guido began to ask where he
was when Ole John came lumbering in from the back field with
Christopher at the wheel. Andy's mind went back to the first time he'd
seen Charlie. To further enhance the memory Christopher was wearing the
same style shortalls that Charlie had always worn. All the boys wore them
now. He felt a pang of regret that those times were gone forever, then
Karen's words to Charlie came to him: "Memories can destroy you, or
they can be a weapon in your hands against sadness and regret. It's up to
you." And he knew that those memories were the foundation of what was
now his family.

"Signore Guido!" Christopher screamed as he shut down the old tractor
and literally flew off the seat, across the yard, and embraced his friend and
former guardian.
"Christopher!" Guido exclaimed, "My not-so-little-any-more little one!
How I've missed you!"
"Signore Guido," Christopher said, "There's so much happened. Wait'll
you hear Paul sing!" As he always did when he was excited, he switched
to Italian and went on describing his new life, the band they were starting,
how Charlie's voice had changed, the planting, how he'd adopted Ole
John as his own, Andy's truck, his new violin, and on and on.

"English!" Guido said laughing, "Slow down and speak English,
Christopher! Remember your manners!"
"It's all right," Dennis laughed, "Those two have been teaching all of us
Italian. We're not fluent yet by any means, but we're not bad if I do say so
myself."
"Yeah," Paul added, "And we've learned to sing some gospel music in
Italian. I know you'll love it, Signore."
"Paul?" Guido questioned, "Singing?"
"Like an angel." Karen said proudly, "The boys taught him on the flight
over."
"You too, Mom." Andy said.
"But how? He had no ear at all!"
"Come on in, Dennis said, "We'll tell you all about it over dinner."

"After dinner," Dennis told Guido as they began clearing the dishes, "We
usually sing for an hour or so. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."
"I'm counting on it, Dennis. Carlo has told me about your family singing
and he assures me I am in for a pleasant surprise." And so they did what
amounted to their first concert. Christopher's voice was its usual crystal
clear; Paul sang the best he'd ever sung, including duets with Andy and
Dennis. Charlie was starting to get his vocal control back, his mellow
baritone voice still able to reach dizzying heights once he'd learned its
limitations. Guido was suitably impressed - so much so that he said that
they absolutely must come to Italy and sing for his school. Never missing a
chance to make a buck, Carlo suggested that they do a concert tour while
they were there. "That would cost a fortune." Dennis argued, "We have no
sound equipment, we need instruments, costumes... we're not nearly ready
for performing publicly yet."

"That can all be taken care of." Carlo said, "And the profits will more than
pay the bill. But I have a proposition that will pretty well pay for all your
equipment without leaving North Carolina, if you're interested."
Another of Carlo's propositions, Charlie thought. Which of them would he
try to lure away from home this time? But he was pleasantly surprised with
this one.

"I am promoting a July 4th concert at the arena in Wilmington," he said,
"And I need a feature act. It won't pay what you're worth, but it'll give
you a large audience and I suspect your talent will do the rest."
"July 4?" Karen said, "But that's just a little over a month away. I don't
know if we could be ready."
"I've seen what you can do, Karen." Carlo said, "And I have no doubt you
could be ready next week if you had to."
"But I don't know..." Karen said, "We've been trying to keep the pressure
off the boys, and we've all been working pretty hard. They've had such a
busy year already. I just don't know if it would be wise."

All eyes turned to Charlie. He was the one who had turned down a "chance
of a lifetime" not once, but twice! He had stated very clearly that he didn't
want a life in show business; but yet when he was on stage he thoroughly
enjoyed himself. He felt the eyes on him and understood. The answer
would be no if he didn't agree and he knew it. But what would it be if he
said yes? He looked at Wade. No help there. He looked at his father. There
he saw beaming pride. Karen's face showed the loving concern of a
mother. Andy appeared neutral. Paul showed signs of sheer panic, but at
the same time an enthusiasm that said he'd be willing to give it a shot.
Christopher. Oh, little Christopher! The American with an Italian accent
and a voice to kill for; the little boy who could say volumes with only a
facial expression. In Christopher's face he found his answer and couldn't
back away from it. There he found no fear, no reservations, no doubts.
There he saw the innocent confidence of a child who, if loved enough,
could conquer the world. He remembered the first time he'd ever been on
a stage. He had been petrified with fear, but so pumped with adrenalin he
ignored all else including his fright. He saw all that in Christopher's face
as if it were written there in black ink. "You're gonna love it!" he said to
his little brother, "Singing on a country stage is so different from the choir
in Italy. Everyone is screaming, the music is so loud it's about to bust your
head wide open, the lights cook you alive... Man, you're a natural and
you're gonna love it!"

"Can I take that as a yes?" Carlo asked.
"Let's vote on it." Dennis suggested. They did, and it was unanimous.
There is no doubt that all present were influenced by Charlie's enthusiastic
response and Christopher's obvious excitement. So they had a little more
than a month to prepare for a concert in one of the largest arenas in the
area. It had been booked by one of the top singers in Nashville, but he had
cancelled. The Conner family would do the entire show; no openers, no
warmups. They would sink or swim based on this one show, but it didn't
matter because they had the farm they all loved. "We'll have to spend the
next couple of days figuring out what we need." Karen said, "Then getting
a loan..."
"You already have the loan," Carlo said, "And the lights and sound system
will all be provided. You just have to get the instruments, probably a few
cordless microphones and costumes. The rest is already in place."

"There is one more reason for our visit tonight." Carlo said, "Guido
wanted to come by to check on the boys, and if everyone is still willing,
finalize the adoption."
"But I thought since it was a private adoption," Andy protested, "That
there was no waiting period."
"Theoretically there isn't." Guido answered, "But Dennis and I agreed that
since it had all happened so suddenly, we should agree to a short period of
getting to know each other. We also agreed that at this point there should
be three possible answers: a definite 'YES,' a definite 'NO,' or a
'MAYBE' in which case we shall simply wait another month or two."
Everyone thought that was fair, but Guido wasn't out of surprises yet.

"First of all," he continued, "I want you all to understand that I'm not
trying to pressure anyone into or out of anything, but I think that everyone
should know all the facts. I want you all to know, and especially you
Charlie because you were the catalyst that got me to thinking. I'm going to
disband the castrati choir, at least as it is now."

"Disband it?" Karen exclaimed, "But Guido, that's been your whole life!"
"But Charlie made me realize," he answered, "That I wasn't helping them
deal with the fact that they're different; in fact I was making it worse. So
I'm going to open the entire school, including the choir and music
program, to all boys. There will be no differentiation between residents
and day students, and all boys will be eligible to become residents."
"Wow!" Dennis exclaimed, "How do the residents feel about that?"
"They suggested it, Dennis. I told them what Charlie had said, that he felt
they were feeling very superior because of their condition. To my surprise
they agreed, then we talked of ways to correct the situation, and the boys
themselves suggested what is now going to become reality. We have even
decided to make testosterone injections available to those residents who
want them. They really are good boys, Charlie, and they mean well."
"I know that, sir." Charlie answered, then corrected himself. "Err... sorry, I
meant Signore."
"Sir is fine. I am in your country now, or as you would say, your turf."

Andy felt a cold foreboding chill go down his spine. There was no
practical reason now for Paul or Christopher to stay here. That school had
been their home for four years; they'd only been in North Carolina for four
months! He knew that they would view these changes as an opportunity to
go back without enduring all the hassles they'd had in the past. Now he
had a hate on for Guido. To Andy, he had obviously presented this
information at this exact time in an effort to lure two pretty great boys
back to Italy. But what could he do? How could he counter an offer like
that?

He looked at Charlie, and immediately saw the glint of a tear. Charlie's
reaction to his hormone shots had improved greatly, but he still tended to
cry a lot more easily than he'd done before. Andy tried to catch his eye,
but Charlie was staring off into space some place. But the look on his face
said it all: terror, dejection, panic; it was all there. He looked at Paul, then
Christopher. They were preoccupied looking at each other, seemingly
communicating in some way with their eyes. He looked back to Charlie to
see if they could communicate. No chance! Charlie still had that dazed
look as if he were in another world. He looked at Dennis. Their eyes met.
He screamed inside himself "DO SOMETHING, DAD!" But Dennis
would not, could not, do anything. This had to be the boys' decision and
theirs alone.

"If I understand you, Signore Guido," Paul said, "The choir is to become a
normal boys' choir, open to all the school?"
"That's right, Paul."
"And... and it's optional?"
"Yes. Regardless of whether you are a resident or not, castrato or not, the
choir is optional just like any other school."
"So... so Paul and I could attend, live in the dorms, and we wouldn't be
one of a kind any more. There would be others like us? No more emphasis
on castrato voices? No more hassles if you're different? No more laughing
if you couldn't sing, or didn't want to?"
"That's right, Paul."
"That's wonderful, Signore! I am so glad!" Paul said as he embraced
Guido.

Paul went silent again. They all looked at each other. Christopher was
looking at Paul now, a look of astonishment on his face. He was turning
red. "Paul!" he exclaimed, then in Italian, "I can't believe you! You're
actually thinking of going back? How can you possibly..."
"Christopher, you don't understand..."
"I understand perfectly!" (Still in Italian, a sure sign that he was really
upset) "It's YOU who don't understand! How can you just leave? How
can you come over here and stay four months, then just go back because
the rules have changed? I would never have come here if you hadn't come.
But this is our home now. You can go if you want to, but not me! I'm
staying! Mom, Dad, Signore Guido, may I stay? Please? I love it here! I
love you all! I want to be Christopher Conner! I want to be your son.
Andy, Charlie, I want to be your brother!"

Christopher went on and on, babbling away in Italian about having to give
up a brother he'd loved so he could have a family; about how he couldn't
believe how easily Paul would give up a life so incredibly wonderful, how
he hated Paul. How Paul had betrayed him and all the other members of
the family too. Finally it was too much for the little boy. He literally flew
into Karen's lap the way only he could, melted into her arms and cried as
if his heart was breaking, which it was.

"Christopher," Paul said as he followed him, "I was trying to say that I
think the changes are wonderful, but not for me. I don't want to go back
either, Christopher! You didn't let me finish."
"You... you don't?"
"Of course not! I was so afraid that you'd want to go back, and I didn't
know what I was gonna do if you did. I didn't know if I could leave here,
but I didn't know if I could let you go back alone either. I want to stay too,
little brother. I want to stay more than anything in the world. But I'll do
what I have to do to take care of you, just like Andy and Charlie always
take care of both of us."
"Oh. You mean I..."
"Yeah, lil bro," Andy interjected with a grin, "I didn't understand all you
said, but I got enough of it to know you kinda made a bit of a butthole of
yourself."

Charlie grinned. Then Dennis snickered, followed by Andy, then Guido.
Finally Karen, her hands still roaming all over Christopher's back, neck,
head, her fingers running through his full blond hair, chuckled and said
"Christopher, my charming beautiful little hothead son! You've got a heart
as big as all outdoors, but a fuse only half the length of your little finger."
"Hmmmm" Charlie mused, "That would make it about the size of... well,
never mind."
"Charlie!" Karen scolded, "What a thing to say!"
"Get your mind outa the gutter, Mom." Charlie retorted.
Christopher giggled, that wonderful tinkling giggle that comes only from
small boys; Guido bellowed his jolly belly laugh, then they were all
laughing. "Can we stay, Mom?" Christopher said when he'd stopped
laughing, "Signore Guido?"
"Just try and leave!" Karen answered as she hugged him closer.
"Actually," Guido said smiling, "It looks as if we don't need that vote. I
will see the attorneys in the morning, if all are in agreement."

The next five weeks turned out to be the toughest any of the Conner crew
had ever experienced. Wade busied himself finding reliable help that could
be trusted to run the farm in the absence of all management. Karen had
countless trips to Wilmington and Raleigh, gathering together instruments,
buying clothing and having it altered. Carlo and some of his employees
worked on getting good people to run the lights and sound system. They
also tried to hire extra instrumentalists for the show, but Karen was
adamant: as far as music was concerned, the Conner family would stand or
fall on their own merits. Dennis worked with Evan Turnbull sorting out all
the legalities, making sure they had legal clearance to perform all the
songs they planned. Everyone worked very hard on their music, getting
familiar with their new instruments, and working with stage presence and
choreography that would be attractive but easily learned by a family of
amateurs.

As if their lives weren't complicated enough, the hormones running
rampant in two of the boys, Andy and Charlie, continued to wreak havoc
on their young and unprepared lives. Charlie was the first to fall victim to
further confusion when he met a young lady, seventeen years old, the
daughter of one of the lighting crew who were preparing for the show.
Jeannie was a little taller than Charlie, had long black hair and a slender
body that she didn't mind displaying, and was obviously quite attracted to
this young would-be star. Charlie was instantly captivated and reduced to a
mumbling idiot in her presence. To make matters worse, Karen had
decided that a few dancing numbers would be beneficial, and had hired
Jeannie to be Charlie's dancing partner for the show. So for the next few
weeks a lot of Charlie's time, and most of his attention, were taken up by
Jeannie and learning the dance routines Karen had devised. Andy felt
mixed emotions by this turn of events. On the one hand he was definitely
jealous; on the other, he'd been warned from the start that Karen didn't
think Charlie as truly gay. Still, it hurt to see the couple romping about the
stage, looking deeply into each other's eyes, and... and... yes, even kissing!

Perhaps it was precipitated by Charlie's infatuation with Jeannie, or maybe
it would have happened anyway. But whatever the reason, Andy found
himself at a local teen gathering place, dancing with a girl whose name
was Lisa. Her dancing was flawless; her looks, out of this world! She
stood about three inches shorter than Andy, had long silky blond hair; her
eyes were the same fluorescent blue that he had always admired in Charlie.
She wore very little makeup because, as he told her often, she didn't need
it. Her natural coloring was irresistible! Andy fell head over heels,
hopelessly, helplessly, in love.

Charlie's affair lasted just over a week; a week in which he noticed very
little else, especially how often he'd gone to bed alone because Andy was
still out. Of course he was more mobile, having a drivers license and his
own truck. Finally in the middle of the second week Jeannie decided it was
time to take Charlie one step further, and it was a step Charlie simply was
not prepared to take. "We can't do that, Jeannie." he protested when she'd
begun exploring. He brushed her hand away.
"Why not?" Jeannie demanded, "You know most guys your age do it all
the time. You do love me don't you?"
"I dunno if I do or not. And besides, I'm not 'most guys,' I'm Charlie
Conner. An' I just don't know if I'm ready. I dunno if I'll ever be ready."

At that point Charlie shared with his girl what had happened two years
earlier. He assured her that he could still perform but that he simply wasn't
ready to go all the way. Jeannie was overjoyed that they could romp in the
hay all night if they wanted without fear of pregnancy, and that turned
Charlie totally off, so he told her their affair was over. They fought, then
made up, then fought again; finally for the sake of the upcoming show
which was important to both of them, they parted friends; but their affair
was definitely history. And that's when he finally noticed that Andy was
never home at bedtime and when he did come in he slept in his own bed.

"Where were you last night?" Charlie asked one morning after Andy had
come home particularly late.
"Out with Lisa." came the simple reply.
"Lisa?" Charlie questioned.
"Yeah, I told you about her. I guess maybe you were so involved with
Jeannie you didn't hear me. She's real kewl, Charlie!"
"Yeah? Kewl in what way?"
"I dunno, she's just so much fun. She's a great dancer, and she's a lot of
fun to be with. Not bad to look at either. But you're gonna meet her
Sunday. She's gonna join us for dinner after our rehearsal."
"Cool! But we really need to work on that duet tonight. I thought after the
work's done..."
"Can't tonight, Charlie. Lisa and I are goin' to a show then to her house. I
gotta leave soon as I get cleaned up."
"Oh. Well maybe tomorrow night?"
"Maybe. I gotta check with Lisa, an' if we're not doin' anything special
maybe we can work on it a while."

The boys didn't work on their duet the next night, nor the next. Soon it
was Sunday and they still hadn't got their duet anywhere near ready. Karen
tried to hide her annoyance, but she was only partially successful. Andy
knew something was bothering her, so he got Charlie aside and asked him
if they could go out to the barn to practice away from the others. "We
should already know it by now." Charlie complained, but he followed
Andy outside anyway.

They had just begun to make some progress when Lisa showed up, driving
her father's car. Andy bolted from the barn to meet her, then when Charlie
appeared, somewhat irritated at how quickly Andy had left their practice
session, he introduced them. "This is my brother Charlie." Andy said,
"Charlie, this is Lisa."
"Hi, Charlie." Lisa said, "Andy, can I talk to you? Alone?"
"Sure, Lis... we're about done anyway aren't we Charlie?"
"Seems like." Charlie said wistfully. He hated to do it, but he knew when
his mother heard their duet she would cut it from the program, so he
decided to tell her now rather than have a big scene later.

When Andy turned eighteen there was a little less than two weeks till the
concert. Karen had declared a day off from their practicing so they could
have a party. They had all been working very hard... well, all but Andy that
is. He was trying hard to balance his commitment to the family and the
band with his intense relationship with Lisa, and she seemed to have no
sense of balance at all. She began by being extremely possessive, and as
time went on that possessiveness grew to the point of being an obsession.

Charlie, Paul and Christopher got together and planned what they thought
would be a great party. They had invited all Andy's friends, and when they
listed them all it seemed he'd made friends with just about everyone. Carlo
Meoli was coming, as were several family friends. Christopher was his
usual hyperactive self as they planned and plotted. The whole affair was to
be a surprise, but Andy had a surprise of his own.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Andy said when she'd told him that there would be
birthday cake and gifts at dinner, "Lisa wants me to go to her house. She's
planned something special for me."
"Like what? A party?"
"I dunno, she wouldn't say. But I assume it's a party of some kind."
"Andy, Karen said, "I wasn't supposed to say anything but I guess now I
have to. Your brothers have planned a big surprise party for you. They've
been working on it for two weeks."
"Gee, Mom, if I'd known..."
"It wouldn't be a surprise if you knew, would it?"
"But... I already told Lisa I'd be there this afternoon. She's gonna be here
any time now. Her dad is dropping her and she's going in with me. I don't
know how I can get out of it now."
"Can't she come here? You don't know any of her friends anyway, do
you?"
"Not really. But it was important to her that I go... I'm not even sure who
all is gonna be there, but she said it was gonna be special. D'you think you
could tell the guys?"
"No, Andy, I can't. If you're not coming to their party you're gonna have
to tell them yourself."

                *       *       *

"You... you're not gonna be here tonight?" Charlie questioned with
surprise.
"Nope," Andy answered, "I'm goin' in to Wilmington. Lisa has a surprise
for me."
"But Andy, it's your birthday! We always have something at home on
birthdays. It's always been a family time."
"Sorry, lil bro, but not this time. I got a choice between cake and presents
with the family, or spending the night with Lisa. Which would you
choose?"
"I know which one I'd choose." Christopher said. It seemed that everyone
was developing a dislike for Lisa, and with his hothead temperament,
Christopher made no effort to hide his feelings.
"Well you better get used to it," Andy replied, "Cause after this show I'll
probably be spending a lot of time in Wilmington. Lisa doesn't feel very
welcome here."
"She hasn't killed herself to make us like her," Paul pointed out, "She just
ignores us. How are we supposed to like her if she doesn't care?"

Andy didn't answer. A car appeared in the driveway, deposited Lisa, then
did a quick about face and was gone. Andy went to greet her, leaving his
three brothers to discuss the situation. "So now what do we do?" Charlie
said.
"We'll have the party anyway." Christopher answered. "We'll have more
fun without him anyway, cause if he comes she'll come too."
"We can't do that!" Paul said, "What'll we tell everybody?"
"Tell 'em the truth." Christopher answered, "That Andy's not into family
any more, right Charlie?"
"I dunno," Charlie answered, "I gotta think about this. You guys go ask
Mom, ok? There's something I gotta do."

What Charlie had to do is what he always did when he was upset or
bothered about something. He strolled over to the barn and into the hay
loft. It was two thirds full of fresh hay and smelled wonderful. He climbed
the ladder and lay down on the bales on his back, looking straight up and
seeing nothing. He thought of all that had happened over the past two
weeks, then the past two years. He was devastated! Birthdays for Charlie
had always been special, always family times. He thought of his brief
affair with Jeannie. Could he have hurt Andy this way? He didn't think so.
Yes, he'd been pretty infatuated with her, but not like this! But then it
didn't last that long either. Then he thought of the reason it hadn't lasted.
Could Andy and Lisa be doing it? No, that was impossible! Andy wouldn't
do that! Not to him, not to Mom, not to himself! Or would he?

As he got up to leave, he heard voices approaching. It was Andy and Lisa
and they seemed to be in a serious discussion about something. Then he
heard his name.

"I wish you could at least tell me what you've got planned," Andy was
saying, "Charlie was pretty disappointed. Mom told me he and the others
had planned a big party."
"Charlie?" Lisa answered, "You want to stay here with Charlie? That little
geek of a brother of yours?"
"Charlie's ok." Andy said.
"Ok! How can you say that? He's a freak! He sings all the time! He uses
that computer of his constantly! He plays the piano! He doesn't even have
any balls, fer God's sake! An' he's probably a faggot too."
"Lisa, you don't..."
"You're right I don't. I don't anything far as Charlie is concerned. Look at
him! Take a good look and tell me he's not weird!"
"I guess he is sorta different." Andy agreed.
"Different? That's the understatement of the century! He was your ticket
out of the orphanage, but you don't need him any more. It's time to get on
with your life and forget this weird family. You're eighteen now. You're a
man. Why don't you act like one?"
"I never said he was my ticket." Andy answered weakly.
"You didn't have to. From what you told me it's pretty obvious."

No answer.

Charlie decided he'd heard enough. He started down the ladder, his eyes
burning, stomach about to woof his cookies. "Charlie?" Andy exclaimed
when he'd reached the bottom, "What're you doing, spying on us?"
"Wouldn't be surprised," Charlie answered, "We weirdo's do all sorts of
stuff like that."
"Charlie, I didn't... you heard?"

Charlie didn't answer. He didn't have to. His face said he'd heard enough
to last him a lifetime. He walked past them, looking first at Andy then
Lisa. "Have a good time tonight... BROTHER." he said over his shoulder.

Charlie went in the house and straight upstairs. He found Paul and
Christopher upstairs working on one of their songs. He hugged them both
and kissed them deeply, one at a time, told them both that he loved them,
then said he wanted to be alone for a while. "What happened?" Paul
wanted to know.
"Nuthin' much," Charlie answered as he went to his room, "I just kinda
want to be alone. I got a little more of an education than I needed." He
closed his door and walked to the window in time to see the bright red
pickup go down the lane and out of sight. He fished the gift he'd got for
Andy from under his bed, a new bug deflector for his truck, and set it on
Andy's bed. Suddenly it didn't seem like much of a gift.

"What is it, son?" Karen asked when she'd come into the room and found
Charlie lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, "What did they say to you?"
"Nothing, Mom." Charlie answered. It wasn't exactly a lie, they indeed
hadn't said anything TO him. "I guess I'm just disappointed that Andy's
not gonna be here tonight."
"Christopher told me you looked pretty glum when you came in from the
barn. He was worried about you, Charlie."
"It's ok, Mom, honest. I just need some time to myself. I'll be ok."

Andy was quiet during the drive into Wilmington. He couldn't get the look
on Charlie's face out of his mind. It was the same look he often thought he
saw in a steer's eyes just before they put a bullet into its head. They didn't
do a lot of slaughtering on the farm, but they'd done enough to have a
profound effect on Andy. Lisa, on the other hand, was bubbling over with
excitement. This was going to be so cool, she kept repeating. Andy asked
her several times for a hint of what she had in store, but she would give
him no clue.

"Where is everybody?" Andy asked when the got into a very quiet, empty
house. It was about 6 PM when they arrived, having stopped at a teen
hangout for a burger.
"Mom and Dad are away." Lisa answered, "That's the surprise. I've got
you all to myself tonight!"
"Nobody's comin' over?"
"Course not, silly! We're gonna have our own little party. I'm gonna order
in a pizza, and we've already got everything else we'll need."
"Need? Like what?"

Lisa didn't answer, at least in words. She opened her pocketbook and
pulled out a package of condoms, then grinned when she saw Andy's
reaction. "Surprise!" she exclaimed, "Happy birthday, stud!"

Andy didn't come home that night. At all! He got a thorough third degree
from Karen when he arrived home next afternoon, and his answer was
pretty typical for a boy on his eighteenth birthday: he was too tired to drive
home and had been offered the chance to sleep over, and he thought it best
to accept. He wasn't defensive, simply stated the facts as he saw them.

"Andy," Dennis said, "Were you... were you drinking?" Dennis had after
all been eighteen and pretty adventurous, and he had a good memory.
"Yes, sir." Andy answered, "A little. I had a bottle of beer, but that won't
happen again. I didn't like it."
"Well," Dennis said, "I'm not thrilled that you had something to drink, but
I can't fault you for not driving. I only wish you'd called."
"It was pretty late."
"Doesn't matter." Karen said, "We need to know you're all right. Next
time you call, ok?"
"There won't be a next time, Mom."
"In case there is, promise you'll call."

"Where are the others?" Andy asked.
"All gone fishing." Karen answered, "They were up at daybreak and got
their work done, then they took the old pickup and went fishing at the
river."
"Are we gonna practice today?"
"Probably not till after supper. Are you gonna be here?"
"Prob'ly. Right now I gotta get a shower and change my clothes."

Practice that night was more or less back to normal. The boys didn't get
home from their fishing trip until dinner time, so Andy was not able to get
Charlie alone. He wanted to talk to him, but the dinner table chatter
centered around the boys' fishing trip. They'd caught some nice catfish
and a few good sized bass, and Christopher, so excited he kept slipping
into Italian, had to give everyone a blow by blow description of every fish
they all caught. Andy got the distinct feeling that he was being politely
excluded from the conversation. But at practice, everyone was all business
as usual. Charlie was as cooperative toward Andy as he'd always been, but
Andy still sensed a difference.

"Can we talk?" Andy said when he and Charlie were in bed... their own
beds.
"Sure. Whadda ya want to talk about?"
"What you heard... Charlie, I..."
"There's nothing to talk about, Andy. I heard what I heard. I heard what
you said and what you didn't say."
"But I wanted you to know..."
"Good night, Andy. Tomorrow's another day."
"I guess you're pretty pissed at me, huh? Guess I can't blame you."
"I'm not pissed, Andy. Paul and Christopher are mad as hell, but I guess
I'm just kinda disappointed. I thought we meant more to you than that. Oh
well, the world is full of surprises isn't it?"
"Charlie, please don't turn your back to me like that. I really want to tell
you..."
"I'm tired, Andy! We've had a busy day and I'm tired. What d'ya want to
tell me that's so important?"
"It's just that... uh... Lisa and I... we.."
"You slept with her didn't you?"
"Yes. I had a bottle of beer and things kinda got outa hand..."
"Thanks for telling me. That really made my day. I kinda figured it would
happen sooner or later, and after what I heard yesterday I'm not surprised.
G'night, Andy."

A week went by. Mealtime was very uncomfortable for Andy, as were the
practices. They were all working very hard, and the birthday incident was
outwardly forgotten; but bedtime was an entirely different story. Charlie
stayed in his own bed and made no sign that Andy was the least bit
welcome. Christopher and Paul were still hardly speaking to him except
when it was necessary. Karen still didn't know all that had happened, but
she knew that somehow Andy had hurt his brothers pretty badly. She
vowed not to bring up the subject but to just let it die a natural death. All
the boys were working very hard on their concert, so she elected to deal
with the cold war after that pressure was over. She did notice, though, that
Andy wasn't seeing Lisa any more.

"Is Lisa away?" Karen asked innocently one afternoon when they were
alone.
"I have no idea." Andy answered, "We broke up."
"Really? Did you have a fight?"
"Yes, ma'am, sorta. I told her I didn't want to see her any more."
"What about, if I may ask?"
"It's kinda personal, Mom. At least some of it is."
"That's what mom's are for, Andy. If you think it'd help to tell me, I'm
here to listen."
"You mean Charlie didn't tell you? I mean about what happened in the
barn?"
"No, he wouldn't tell me. He said he'd work it out."

When Andy thought about it for a few seconds, he broke down completely.
Charlie's heart was obviously broken, yet he'd not told anyone what had
happened. Suddenly Andy's fear about Karen's reaction to what Lisa had
said vanished and he had to tell her all, and he did. "I'm so sorry, Mom,"
he cried, "I never told Lisa that Charlie was only a ticket. I can't believe I
was so stupid! That's the way she thinks and I knew it from the start, but I
was so... so..."
"So overcome with hormones? With teenage infatuation? Maybe even
love?" Karen offered.
"Not love. Never love. I got a pretty high standard about love, after living
in this family for two years. I guess maybe I thought I loved her at first, but
I soon learned the difference. And that's what makes me feel so ashamed,
especially after we... uhhh..."

Karen eyed Andy evenly. "You slept with her?"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm not proud of it, but we did it."
"And?"
"And what?"
"Andy, considering the past two years and what you and Charlie have been
up to, you can't tell me there weren't some decisions made, or that there
were no surprises. Don't you think Charlie has a right to know what
you've learned?"
"Yeah, I guess he does. Mom, you and Dad have been so great about it. I
mean, the things we've done, and y'all have never questioned it or got
upset. I mean, we did what we did out of love, and you just accepted it for
what it was."
"That's why we accepted it, Andy. I can't even begin to understand it, but
we could see the love between you two. But where does Lisa fit in all of
this? And where does Charlie fit now?"

"Mom, this is gonna be even harder for you to understand. In a way I think
it's a good thing that we went all the way. Charlie and I didn't go to bed
that first night planning to do anything, it just happened. It wasn't lust or
hormones or play, it was an expression of love! With Lisa it was purely
physical. It was then that I knew that's all she wanted, and maybe a piece
of the action if this concert goes well and we make millions of dollars. She
thinks we're gonna be rich and she wants in on it. That's when I told her
that I was leaving and wasn't coming back. I told her that Charlie had
more guts and loyalty in his little finger than she ever would in her whole
body, and that she was the one using people, not him or me. Mom, she
said such terrible things about Charlie, and I just stood there and didn't say
anything! And then I..."
"Does Charlie know about that?"
"He knows we slept together, but he doesn't know that we broke up. I
suppose he's wondering 'cause I'm not goin' out any more. That is if he
has even noticed."
"He's noticed, Andy."
"But he won't talk to me about it at all. What am I gonna do, Mom?"
"I don't know, Andy. He worships you so much, but he doesn't get over
things like that easily. I could tell he was hurting pretty badly. I'm sure he
still loves you, but I don't know if he will ever..."
"I don't care if he never speaks to me again!" Andy answered in a fresh
volley of tears, "That's what I deserve. I just don't want him to hurt any
more. I just want him to know that I'm sorry I hurt him, and that I know I
screwed up. I just want him to be happy like he used to be."

Karen thought a minute as she held her son. "I've got an idea," she said
suddenly, "When Charlie really wants to make a point, when he feels he's
not communicating, what does he do?"
"I dunno what you mean."
"Sure you do. Remember that night at Carlo's house when we were all
talking about sending him to Italy? He tried to break in and everyone
ignored him. What did he do? And the concert we did when he thought he
was dying of cancer. How did he deal with it?"
"He... he sang?"
"Precisely! When Charlie's back is really against the wall, he resorts to
music, just like Christopher still switches to Italian when he gets excited.
That's his element. That's how he communicates when it's really
important. So if you really want to reach him, I suspect that's the best
way."
"But how? What song would I sing? Where would I sing it to him? How
would I even get him to listen?"
"That's for you to figure out, son. We've sung literally hundreds of songs.
Go over them in your mind and pick one that says what you want to say. If
you can't find one, write one!"
"But couldn't you just tell him I'm sorry and I still want to be his brother
and friend?"
"I could, but I won't. It won't mean anything coming from me, Andy. It's
got to come from you."

Before any of the group was ready, it was July 3, and they were all in the
huge empty arena for their dress rehearsal. They started at 8 AM, and they
were still working hard at 8 PM. Even then they had never gone through
the entire program without ceasing. Karen had arranged things so that the
four boys were doing most of the vocals, with Wade adding his deep bass
voice when needed. Charlie's voice had deepened to the point that he
could sing any part with ease; Andy was definite a baritone, his voice soft
and mellow. Paul's high soprano voice, still unaffected by the hormones
he was taking, was also very mellow. Christopher, on the other hand, had
the same strong powerful voice that Charlie had always had. But when
singing in harmony, their voices blended as harmoniously as if they'd been
singing together all their lives. Finally at 10 Karen declared the group
ready, and they all retired to the Meoli mansion where they were to spend
the night.

"It's a sellout!" Carlo said excitedly as thy ate. He and his staff had done a
wonderful job of advertising the concert. When the big name canceled,
everyone had been offered a refund; but then came a barrage of TV
commercials, newspaper ads, and live interviews, even video clips of
actual performances of the group. Of course there was a lot of emphasis on
the fact that it was a local group and the fact that despite their lowly North
Carolina farming roots, three of the family had studied music in Italy.

"You mean that whole arena is gonna be full?" Paul questioned.
"To capacity!" Carlo answered.
"Awesome!" Charlie said.
"But..." Christopher said, "That place must hold fifty thousand people!"
"Actually, twenty thousand." Carlo corrected, "But the TV cameras for all
the networks are gonna be there, so there's no telling how many people
will be watching."
"Hey guys," Karen said when she sensed the growing nervousness, "We
just go out there and do our thing. We play the best we can and sing from
our hearts like we always have. They either like it or they don't, right?"
"Yeah, Mom." Charlie answered, But we got a fortune invested in all this
equipment, all the other people like lighting and sound, makeup, rental on
the arena.... what's gonna happen if they don't like us?"
"This one is already paid for." Karen replied, "And if they don't like us,
we'll know not to do it again."
"I guess." Charlie answered, "But I can't help thinking, if we had spent all
that money on the farm..."
"It's an investment." Dennis told him, "If we're successful, and I really
think we will be, we'll never have to worry again about that farm. Even if
it doesn't make money, we'll be able to keep it going. And with you and
your brothers doing your best, I don't see how we can lose!"

The four boys, at their own request, had been assigned to one large
bedroom in the Meoli mansion. There were two king sized beds which
hosted, predictably, Andy and Charlie in one, Paul and Christopher in the
other. But before the lights had been out fifteen minutes Paul and
Christopher had migrated to their older brothers' bed. "I'm scared!" Paul
said as he snuggled up to Charlie, "I've never sung in public before
without the choir to cover for me."
"You got no reason to be." Charlie assured him, "You've got a beautiful
voice. "You're gonna be fine, and just to be sure we're all gonna be there.
You don't have to rely on your voice and nothing else 'cause we'll all be
there supporting you."

Christopher, in spite of all the performances he'd done in Italy, was
equally terrified. He didn't say anything though; he just snuggled into
Andy and held him as if some unseen force was trying to rip him away.
Andy didn't share with the others the panic he was feeling. He was the
oldest, and like it or not that meant that he was by definition the strongest.
So he held Christopher as tightly as he could while running one hand over
Paul's body as he clung to Charlie.

They made love. Who did what to whom is totally irrelevant except that
Charlie and Andy didn't so much as touch each other. All that's important
is that it was not a hot sex scene, something erotic to be told in some sex
magazine. It was a true, honest, sincere expression of love amongst four
brothers, from very different backgrounds, who truly cared for each other
intensely. Before he dropped off to sleep, Andy made a decision.

                *       *      *

If you wish to comment on this story, please send your comments to me at
charlieje@mindspring.com