Date: Tue, 27 May 2008 17:38:24 -0500
From: Andy Smith <andyoutwest@live.com>
Subject: Asleep on the Beach Chapter 8 - Young Friends (tt/tb)

       Sorry to all for the long delay in getting chapter 8 out for all of
you who have been so eager to get to the next discovery with these boys.
My workload has greatly increased and has affected my effective creative
time, but I believe things are getting back under control.  So, hopefully
the balance of the story can progress at a more tolerable pace.  Many
thanks for your patience.

       Additionally, I have decided to tell this chapter from Lenny's
perspective.  Hope you enjoy the paradigm shift.  Perhaps it will help with
understanding things from Lenny's point of view.

       Okay, let's get on to more pressing matters...like our story...


       Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.  The people are fictional,
and are not intended to resemble, nor relate to any real individual or
individuals.  The plot is fictional, not real.  The inspiration and
motivation for this story resides entirely within the confines of my mind.
Certain incidences and happenings in my past brought me to the
understandings that lead to the creation of these characters and story.  If
you aren't supposed to be reading about young lovers, don't.  Please write
if you have comments or questions.  All responses are treated with respect
and answered as promptly as I can.  andyoutwest@live.com

	 Prologue

              We last saw Lenny asleep after being discovered in bed with
Liam by Jason.  Jason, ever the observant one realized Lenny seemed to have
problems with his butt being sore, and soon discovered the reason.  This
revelation caused Jason to have to confront a personal tormentor from his
past, which had never been dealt with properly.  Interestingly, his lack of
consternation with what Lenny and Liam had been doing comes from the
incoming nausea and fog-of-war at the haunting memories freshly jerked to
the forefront of his psyche.  Before long he will need to deal with his
troubled past in a more meaningful way...and that could cause its own share
of dismay.


       Chapter 8 -- from Lenny's perspective...

	Hey!  Andy (our narrator) tells me I have to tell you all what
brought me to be asleep on the beach yesterday...and well...he said I need
to talk about my past.  Okay, so here we go...hope I don't bore you to
tears.

	I suppose I should start with memories of my Mom.  Her name was
Alisha.  I like that name.  Really, I don't like to talk about this too
much anymore, but you need to know this before I can tell you about me.
Mom was always at home, and always did whatever I needed her to do to take
care of me..I remember pb&j's on demand, lots of cuddles and stuff...she
always had time to bandage my ouchies, and...I remember her smell most of
all.  I was her "pride and joy" for as long as she had me!  Well...that
changed a little when my little sister was born, though I don't really
remember her much...she was just a baby after all.  I mean...she was sweet
enough for a baby and all...but...well...they died in a car crash when I
was five.  Mom and Lisa (my sister).  I don't remember much else about Mom
though, except that she smelled really, really good...Mom did.  Sometimes,
when I'm nearly asleep on my bed at nights, I can almost smell her.  I
remember the scent anyway.  It's really weird...the smell is almost
real...I almost feel like I can reach out and touch her sometimes when it's
the most intense...but then it's not real...I try to reach out and touch
her, but she isn't here anymore.  I have a picture of her, but even that
doesn't help much anymore.  I used to keep it beside my bed...until we
moved...here.  I'm not supposed to say where "here" is, but I guess if you
were somewhere near Galveston Bay, you might could see me sometime.

	Anyway, when we moved; Dad and me, I just didn't want to put Mom's
picture up anymore.  It is just to lonely to think about her much like that
now.  So, it's just me and my Dad now.  He's pretty cool, only I don`t see
him much...he's always at work -- always.  I don't think he used to be this
way...I remember going to the park, flying kites at the beach, stuff like
that...we used to always have fun together.  I always wanted a dog, Dad
promised he'd get me one...I wanted a terrier like in the movie My Dog
Skip...he just never got to it.  Things got really bad, and a dog wasn't
exactly the kinda thing I needed to bug him about, and now we don't spend a
lot of time together like we used too before Mom died.  Momma got in this
accident...we...we just don't spend a lot of time together anymore is all.
Dad is cool though.  He always makes sure I have enough spending money to
go to the mall and get something to eat, or to get a new video game and
stuff.  I do most of the cooking at home, but it's usually just for me
though.  I'm best at microwave mac-n-cheese.  Yum.

	Don't get me wrong...I love Dad.  He lets me go and hang out at the
beach when I don't have homework and stuff like that.  So long as I keep my
grades up, and he knows where I'm at, he pretty much lets me do what I
want.

	The thing is, I guess I look just like my Mom.  So, when he looks
at me, he sees her.  Is that weird?  Kinda creeps me out just a
little...not in a weird way...I mean...no, no...he's not WEIRD...he doesn't
like want to take me to bed or anything...I'm talking about that it makes
him way sad to see me...to see her in me.  He and I have talked about it
some.  It makes him cry to talk about it...me too.  I hate for him to be
sad.  So, I don't nag him about spending less time at work.  He calls me
all the time, and all I have to do is call him and he'd stop whatever he's
doing and come get me.

	He had to do that before.  Once, about a month ago I was out on the
beach, and sometimes when I am sure I am alone, I like to find secluded
spots and just sit naked and watch the water come in.  It's kinda scary
about getting caught...but that is sort of what makes it so fun.  Anyway,
one day I was out by the beach in one of my favorite secret spots...I had
left my speedos up by some dunes sorta things away from the water.  A fella
sure wouldn't want to get his trunks swept away in the tide when he was
nude, or something like that.  I guess I just got lost in my thoughts that
day, `cause the next thing I knew I heard some voices...laughing.  I jumped
up and turned to go get my trunks, and I saw these two older boys running
away with them!  Darn-it!

	I couldn't walk all the way home like that...even though it wasn't
so far away.  I thought about waiting until dark, then trying to sneak
home...but that would just be too scary, waiting here on the beach in the
dark...naked...alone.  Nope, not a good idea.  So, all I could do was sneak
over the beach to the place where there is a pay phone.  I didn't have any
coins, naturally, so I called the operator and asked her to make an
emergency call to my Dad.  She was giving me a hard time about it...I just
told her I was twelve years old (nearly), naked, and alone on the
beach...AND I NEEDED MY DADDY!  It worked.  She rang him up...

	When he got there we had a laugh about it.  He didn't scold me at
all...just wanted to know what in the hell (sorry...his words, not mine)
happened to my speedos (he knows that's all I like to wear to the beach),
and how it was I came to be without them.  THAT was embarrassing.  But, he
was cool when I explained about liking to sit and watch the water roll in
when no-one was bothering me and I could just get lost in my own thoughts
(naked).  He laughed and told me he did the same thing a lot when I was in
bed asleep...only he tried it with a bit more clothes on than I did!

	I thought he would get angry about it, but he wasn't mad at me at
all...he was worried that it wasn't a good idea for a twelve year old boy
to be naked, and alone on the beach.  He told me I'd have to stop doing
that, or he couldn't let me go back.  He said it was ok to watch the water
roll in, but not naked.  Darn.

	Well, that lead to a deeper conversation though.  We went out to
Micky D's to eat after he took me home to get more clothes, and after I ate
a couple of kid's meals and was drinking my soda, Dad had more questions.
Something like this:

	"Okay, Lenny.  Tell me the truth.  Why are you hanging out at the
beach so much, and what's really up with the exhibitionist stuff?"

	"Dad!" I answered, "I don't even know what that word is."

	"Why are you going around in the nude in public?"

	"Public?"

	"The beach."

	"Oh."

	"Answer the question."

	"Umm...," how was I gonna get around this one...I had no clue.  My
brain doesn't work that fast...and I sure can't lie well enough to get away
with it.  Looks like I had only the truth as an option.  Maybe, if he
didn't beat me up over being called to rescue a nude son from the beach
(like he's beat me up a hundred times before...NOT!), he would be cool
about the truth.  *Sigh* (I learned that from Liam...sighing out loud!).
"Da..Dad, don't be mad at me."  A fresh tear formed in my eyes.

	"Look, Lenny," he said, "I'm your Father.  I'm not the best one in
the world, I know that..."

	"Yes you ARE!" I interrupted but he shushed me and continued.

	"No, don't...let me finish please.  I'm not around as much as I
should be.  You need me home more.  You need a..." He choked up and his
lips started trembling.  I reached across the table and put my hand in his.
He pulled me over and around the table and had me sit up really close
beside him.  He was crying now...not blubbering like a baby...but still he
was crying.  I only heard him do that late at night when he thought I was
asleep.  He wouldn't ever cry in front of me before.  I settled in beside
him, and could smell his cologne, and feel how warm he was under his shirt.
The hairs on his arm were long, and smelled...manly...comforting.  I always
liked it when he held me close and I could put my face where I could feel
is arm hairs on my face and lips, and smell his smells.  I put my arms
around his waist and he hugged me to his chest.  I could feel him kiss my
hair, and we just held each other for a long time.

	After a while, he could talk some more and he picked up where he
left off, "Son, you need a mother."  I felt my heart sink, and my head
spin, and things started going in circles and my world got darker and
dizzier.  He must have felt me trembling, because he pulled me away from
him and lifted my chin up a little.  I was crying now too.

	"Don't worry, Lenny.  I know I can't replace her...There could
never be another her.  I won't do that to you.  It's just not good for you
to be alone so much.  And, I know that.  Anyway, I'm not dating anyone.
It's been nearly seven years since she's le..left, but I'm not in a hurry
to get over her.  But we were talking about me not being the best Father,
but I am STILL your Father."  He was still holding my chin very gently and
now he moved his hand across my cheek.  He whispered, "Lenny, I love you,
Son."  Tears fell from my eyes...and his.

	"I won't ever get mad at you, Lenny.  Not mad enough to hurt you,
or push you away.  I'll never forget that I love you.  No matter what you
say to me, Son, I'll never forget that.  Ever."  I cried some more and
hugged him fiercely.

	Some people walked by with some little kids and were looking at us
pretty strangely...like they thought Dad was doing something to me he
shouldn't.  I didn't care though, and kept hugging him tight.  He put his
chin on my head, and let me hold him a long time.  Finally, I sat up a bit,
and wiped the tears out of my eyes, I sniffed up a bunch, and Dad stuck
some napkins under my nose like he did when I was little.  I just took them
away from him, pulled back a bit, and blew my own nose (I was NEARLY twelve
years old after all).  Blowing my nose did make me feel better though, I
wonder how parents know that stuff?

	"Okay," he said, "wanna talk about it now?"

	"Ice-cream first?"  My eyes big and begging.

	"Sure!"

	So, we crawled out of the booth and got some ice-cream.  I told him
I'd be more comfortable in the car, so we got in and just started driving
down the gulf coast for a late evening drive.  After I had eaten my
ice-cream, I sat sideways in the seat and looked at Dad.  He was looking
out at the road in front of him, one hand on the wheel, the other reached
out and patted me on my thigh.

	"Dad, I th...think...I think I like b.boys, He just loked over at
me a moment then back at he road in front of him.  "I...ummm...I guess I
like boys like most guy's like girls.  Dad, does that mean I'm g.gay?"  He
just kept his hand on m thigh, rubbed it just a little, then put both hands
on the wheel.  He looked old then.  I could see the dash lights reflecting
off his face.  I could still smell his cologne on my face and hands from
when we were hugging and stuff.  For a long time he didn't say anything,
nor did I.  Watching him, I saw the first tears drop from his eyelid and
fall down his cheek.  The light reflected off of them and they were like
little blue balls falling from space.  Time had no meaning...everything was
so slow ansd intense.  It seemed as if I was lost in the space of the
moment and the tear drops falling were now the measure of time.  Each drop
took hours to fall to his lap..I could see every detail, but couldn't focus
on anything else.
	I just don't know what I thought he would do or say...but tears
wasn't what I'd expected.  Silence wasn't either.  I was beginning to get
afraid.  My mind began to wonder if he was planning o pull over on the side
of the road and dump me out and keep driving.  I had heard of two little
kids once whose Mom and Dad stopped at a place to let the kids go the to
the bathroom and they just drove away and left the little kids and never
came back.  What would I do if that happened to me?  I couldn't call
anyone.  What would happen to me?  I stated fidgeting in my seat, and my
own heart rate quickened.  Dad finally began to slow the car, and I nearly
panicked.  I reached over and locked the car door and I could feel myself
begin to hyperventilate.  There was a rest stop coming up and he took the
off-ramp for it.

	I began to scream, "I'm sorry Daddy!  Please stop!  I'll change!  I
won't like boys anymore! Please don't!"  I was near hysteria.  I started
flailing and swinging my fists at him, so much that he had to put his arm
up to block my blows and keep control of the car.  Eventually he struggled
the car into an awkward stop...half in a parking spot, half in the lane.
Putting he car in park, grabbing me by the arm and turning in his seat
almost simultaneously, he pulled me across my seat, out of my seatbelt and
to himself the most forceful and strongest bear hug I ever had.  He was so
much bigger than me, so much stronger.  I had never felt him use his
strength against me before and I was shocked at just how strong he really
was.  I was still fighting him...futilely...and eventually with less vigor
and energy.  Soon, even I could see it was pointless so I just stopped, and
went limp in his arms. My fright was overtaken by overwhelming fear of the
unknown, and the waterworks were in full flow.

	Ever so slowly I began to notice he was caressing my hair, and
gently rocking me back and forth.  Then I heard his whispered shushes and
felt the patting on my back.  He was comforting me, not fighting me...not
hitting me...not making me get out of the car.  He had kept his word.

	Eventually...minutes later...many minutes...He pulled me slightly
away from himself.  "Lenny, haven't we done enough crying for one day yet"
he asked.  I sorta grinned through my watery eyes and wipes at my nose with
my arm, then with my other, I wiped my eyes.  I pulled away from him then,
and climbed back over to my seat.  Once I settled in, he reached over and
took my hand and made me look up at him.  "What was that all about, Son?"
he asked with genuine concern and tenderness.

	So, I told him about he story I had heard about the kids, about how
my mind was running away with me again (I have a history of this), and that
I panicked when he wouldn't talk to e...then when he slowed the car and
starting pulling over...well...my twelve-year old mind could only come up
with one conclusion.

	"Okay, Lenny, I'm sorry to frighten you like that.  I told you I
would never forget I love you...didn't I?"  I nodded in agreement.  "I
meant every word of that.  I won't ever, EVER forget that, Son.  No.  I am
NOT going to abandon you on the side of the road.  I won't ever leave you
anywhere.  Period.  We are family...and somehow we are going to work
through this.  I promise."  I turned away from him and could feel the tears
dropping from my eyes.  I was overwhelmed from all that was swirling in my
mind.  It felt as though my brain would explode at any moment.  I didn't
replay, just kept looking out the window at the neary abandoned rest stop
and at the signs booth with all the message postings, tourist information,
maps and stuff...but my mind wasn't focusing on anything.  A lone truck
driver came out of the restroom and glanced at how we were parked.  He
nodded at my Dad, who nodded in return.  Some sort of unspoken language
between men I suppose.

	"I need to go pee," I said as I opened the door and began sliding
out of the car.  Dad reached across for me and touching my shoulder.

	"Wait, Lenny, I'll go with you," and he got out of the car, meeting
me in the front of the car as we walked toward the restroom.

	The bathroom smelled of old pee and worse, but looked pretty clean
despite the odor, and it appeared to be empty at first pass.  The lights
were bright, and surprising to me there wasn't a lot of graffiti on the
walls and stalls.  I had always heard about these places, but had never
been in one myself before.  I went to a stall, but Dad went to the urinal
trough.  It has a steady stream of water running through it, like the ones
at school.  We both finished about the same time and went over to the sinks
to wash our hands.  He looked down at me and said, "I just wanted to be
sure you didn't run off, or something."  I could feel myself blushing, but
couldn't manage to say anything, but just shrugged my shoulders.  He put
his arm around my shudder and walked me back to my side of the car, and he
opened the door for me.  As I slid in my spot and grabbed for my seatbelt,
Dad knelt down beside me at eye level.

       He had a deep look of concern, his eyebrows scrunched together, and
worry was evident on his face.  He very slowly and tenderly reached for my
face and held me with both hands, looking me deep in the eyes.  Leaning in
toward my face, Dad kissed my forehead, then turned my face slightly to
kiss each cheek.  His lips trembled as he did so.  Without releasing my
face he said, "Lenny, I love you, and would never hurt you.  I'll never
leave you.  I don't know what this means for us, but somehow, together,
we'll figure this out. Okay?"  I could only nod slightly, while blinking
back the tears.  Then he leaned forward again and kissed me very softly and
quickly, square upon the lips.  He pulled away then, stood up, shut my
door, and walked back to his side of the car. I watched him walk around the
car, and was in a bit of shock.  Dad hadn't kissed me in a very long, long
time.  I was suddenly very content, and felt like everything was going to
be okay.

       So, I went form a screaming maniac, to a contented twelve-year old
boy in just about ten minutes.  Go figure.

       Dad started the car and pulled back out on the freeway.  "Hey Bud?
Wanna go on a little trip...a vacation?  I have some time coming from the
office (he is an architect)."

       I was shocked.  We hadn't been on a trip together since...well,
since Mom died.  I shrugged my shoulders, and giggled a bit.  "Are you
crazy?"  I asked.  "What did you do to my Dad?  Just who are you, strange
man?"  (This line was a sort of standing joke between us...no, I didn't
come up with that all by myself).  We both fell into a bit laughter and
knee slapping...way too exaggerated for the lame joke, but I suppose we
both needed the break from the stress we'd just been through.

       We ended up driving to Dallas (Arlington, actually), and going to
Six-Flags.  We got a hotel and went to a water park and went to this wax
museum, and ate at a ton of restaurants.  There were malls and shopping,
and all kinds of great stuff.  I wanted to go to a rodeo, so we went to one
in Mesquite.  It was FANTASTIC!  Dad took me to Fort Worth, they call the
downtown area there Cow Town, and have all sorts of cool shops and stuff.
We had a blast.  Neither one of us brought up what I said in the car that
night, and eventually, we both even managed to not let it even bother us.
We stayed there for a few days, and headed back on Sunday, so Dad could go
back to work.  He had called his boss that nest morning (after my melt
down) and told him he had a family crisis going and would be back in a few
days.  His boss was a really cool guy, Robert.  I had met him lots of
times, he was always telling Dad to take off, to take me places...Dad
always had an excuse of one sort, or another...this was the first time we
had actually done anything like this.  What a fantastic trip...it was
almost too perfect.

       On the trip back, he did get back to our conversation from before.
I had hoped he would forget about it.  No chance of that.

       We had been driving a while, had just pulled away from a truck-stop
for a potty break.  I got a soda and some strawberry Zingers to munch on,
and we were settled in afterwards when he picked the conversation back up.

       "Tell me how come you think you like boys, Lenny."  He was looking
straight forward, but didn't have any anger, or resentment in his voice.  I
felt completely relaxed.  I knew in my heart that this was coming, so I
wasn't afraid to deal with it now.  This had been he most fun we had had
together since...well ever!  And I just needed to talk to someone about
this.  I didn't know what he would say, but he had relieved my mind of
fears that he would hate me, or get mad and punish me...so I just started
talking.

       "Well, Dad, I guess I have been thinking about it a long time.
Only...I didn't know that's what I was thinking about.  Since school has
been out and we moved here I started going down to the beach.  Well...you
already know what I like to do down there," I blushed a bit and turned to
look straight ahead.  He chuckled a bit but kept quiet.

       "There's this group of eight graders that I saw hanging out there
nearly every day.  I'm so much smaller than them, I knew they didn't want a
little kid hanging out with them, but I just started watching them.  It
didn't take me long to figure out they came there just after baseball
practice...you know how much I LOVE baseball! Anyways, I kept just far
enough away to kinda hear what they talked about and stuff, but they were
always so busy horsing around, goofing off and stuff that they have never
even seen me.

       "I figured out a few of their names...Ray and Daniel, there's Will,
and he has a little brother who comes with them sometimes...I think his
name is Brant.  I'm not completely sure about that `cause I only heard it a
couple of times, but it's so unusual that I...well, I just remembered it
anyway.  Brant.  There are a couple of others too, but they don't get close
enough for me to know who they are yet."  That last part sort of hung in
the air.  It meant that I had every intention of going back...Dad noticed
it, but let it slide...for now.

       "What does this have to do with what you told me, Lenny," Dad said.

       "Dad," I sighed, "I...I can't quit thinking about hem Dad.  I get
all nervous inside...I want to be closer and closer.  I want to see them in
their suits.  My...(I motioned towards my crotch) gets hard sometimes when
I'm watching them."  My cheeks were quite red by then I was sure.

       Dad suppressed a laugh...I could tell he had to struggle with
it...but he was cool to respect my feelings and not laugh at me.  "So, tell
me Lenny, do you masturbate yet?"

       "DAD!!"

       "It's a normal question...considering what you are telling me...and
EVERY kid does it.  It's a question of when you start doing it...not IF you
are going to do it."
       "Well," I protested, "every kid may do it...but I bet EVERY KID
don't talk to their Dad's about it!"  This got a broad grin from him, but
he wasn't going to let me off the hook.

       I lowered my head, could feel my ears burning, my hands were in my
lap...hiding the erection I was suddenly aware of.  *Sigh*

       "I started doing that this summer," I said meekly, totally
humiliated and embarrassed.

       "Took you long enough!" Dad replied.

       I snapped my head up at that, and turned to look at him, my mouth
open in disbelief.  We both laughed out loud at that.  Dad had once again
defused an embarrassing situation.

       "How did you learn about it?" he asked.

       "I sa...saw someone do it," I said quietly.  I glanced back at him
and that didn't throw him a curve, so I kept going.  "It was Ray and Brant.
Once they acted like they were going off for sodas at the cantina, but when
they got out of sight of the others, they ducked over a big sand dune and
seemed to be in a hurry.  I followed them.

       "By the time I got there, and peeked from the other side where they
couldn't see me...they had their swim shorts pulled down and were doing it
to each other."  My blush was glowing.  The late afternoon sun was shining
brightly into the window, and anyone in ten miles could have seen me
glowing over the horizon.

       "Just what were they doing to each other?"

       "Dad!"

       "Sorry, just curious.  I want to know so I can help you with what
you saw."

       "Dad," I said rather annoyed at his condescension.  "I KNOW what
they were doing."  He waited.  *Sigh*

       "They were rubbing each other's penises.  Ray is about two or three
years older than Brant.  Ray looked huge down there, especially compared ot
Brant.  Brant doesn't have any hair yet."

       "Pubic hair," Dad said.  "It's called pubic hair."

       "Oh."

       "Go on," he said, "what else did they do?"

       "I dunno," I replied, "Cause after a few minutes, I could tell they
both liked what they were doing...I got really scared they would see me and
beat me up...or laugh at me...so I snuck away...and ran home.

       "I kept thinking about that all the whole time I was running home,
and when I got there, no one was home..." I looked at him for some
reaction, but he didn't give me one, "so I got naked and started trying
what they were doing.  It took me a couple of days, but pretty soon I guess
I figured it out, because I got this huge tingling feeling.  I thought I
was going to pee the bed, or pass out...or both."  I giggled, he did too.

       "So, I've been doing that every day since that day...every day."

       He was silent a long time, then he turned to look at me, "Do you
think THAT makes you gay?"
       I blushed at his question.  I suppose if that was it, it would be
stupid of me to think such a thing, but I knew there was more.

       "Dad, that's all I think about."

       "So...your elev...twelve years old! What else is a pubescent boy
going to thing about?" he asked with a smile on his face.

       "No Dad...not THAT...I can't help but think about those BOYS.  When
I do stuff with myself...I'm thinking about THEM.  That's gay.  I know that
much."

       "What "things" do you do with yourself?"  *Sigh*

       "DAD!!"

       He grinned, but said, "I know...but it's just me and you here...I
need to know...so I can help you sort this out."

       "That's it.  I just play with myself like they were...but I do it
like a hundred times a day!"

       "Whoa!"

       "Well...not really a hundred...but it's a lot."  How long can a boy
stay blushed red?

       "Lenny," Dad said patiently, "It won't fall off or nothing."  I
looked a little relieved, I suppose.  He chuckled a bit then added, "and
no...you won't run out of sperm either.  In case you were wondering."

       "Sperm?"

       "The stuff that comes out of your dick when you jack-off?"

       "Stuff comes out?"

       "Ahhh..." he suppressed a grin and proceeded to tell me a bit more
about my body, and about what was happening to me.  He figured out what Ray
and Brant had done, and explained why two boys may want to do that
together, but that didn't even mean they were gay.  Dad said that lots of
boys "experiment" with each other at this age...he said we felt it was
safer to do stuff with a boy than with a girl.  He said boys know we are
all "plumbed" alike, and that we already knew what the other boy was
thinking...it was safer, we didn't have to try to figure out what girls
were thinking...or how to get them alone and in a situation like that...of
course...I got het don't try that stuff with girls speech too.  His point
was that I still couldn't know if I was gay from what I had told him.  Fair
enough.

       "Listen, Lenny," he said, "One gay experience doesn't make you gay.
Two gay experiences doesn't either.  The way I see it, a person IS, or
ISN'T gay and a few acts can't "turn" you gay."  Great, that helps.  *Good
grief*

       "My point is this, don't worry about it.  Don't try to label
yourself one way or another.  Life is short, but it comes one day at a
time.  Just search for ways to be happy today, let the rest just sort
itself out.  You are too young to be worrying about that kind of stuff all
the time.  I know...you can't help how you feel...I'm not saying that.
Just...just don't spend time worrying about stuff is all.  You are who you
are.  If not...and you can change things, change them.  If you can't change
things...quite worrying about it.  Remember this, Lenny...I love
you...always will."

       I didn't get around to telling him that afternoon about
experimenting with carrots and candles up my bottom.  I didn't know how
much of this he could handle without flipping out.  I wondered how he knew
so much about boys experimenting...and "gay experiences" not making you
gay...and stuff like that.  But, obviously...even with a cool Dad, there
are some things you COULDN'T ask a Dad...and some things you just DIDN'T
WANT to ask.

       He did tell me to stop sleeping nude on the beach.  He told me to be
bold and just go up and introduce myself to the guy's at the beach...but I
wasn't so sure I could do that...just yet.  I found the thoughts of young
Brant, who was near my own age, to be very exciting...I thought of him most
of the time when I "Jacked-off" (to use my Dad's term).  But, how could I
just go up and talk to them about being friends?

       Over the next few days, Dad tried to spend more time with me...and
did a lot more than before...but his job was very demanding, and even with
his new efforts, I still had lots of time on my hands.  I spent even more
time at the beach.  Dad bought me a new set of swim trunks.  They were the
coolest, sexy-blue speedos (my favorites), with white stripes running sort
of at a diagonal.  They showed off my stuff pretty good.  I know I looked
good in them, because people always turned to watch me when I walked past
them at the beach.  I'm not that kind of kid to just try to get people to
look at me, but I know when they are.

       I saw the gang of baseball kids a lot.  I was getting to feel more
and more comfortable waiting just outside their area.  My habit of hiding
in secluded spots on the beach continued...but I always kept my speedos on,
fearing what Dad would do if I lost them again.  Besides, that was too
embarrassing...not gonna go through THAT again.  The two boys I couldn't
name to Dad were obviously buddies.  They always hung out together, and
whispered together a lot.  They looked like they really liked each
other...like they were really super best friends.  I wondered what that
would be like...to have a real best friend.  The smaller of the two seemed
to always get an erection (Dad taught me that word), he was always trying
to adjust his board-shorts...not always very successful at hiding a stiffy
though.  Of course...by then, I was LOOKING for that sorta stuff. And
hardly EVER missed one.

       I was lonely for a friend.  I was tired of being alone.  At night, I
jacked off thinking about the boys at the beach.  During the day, I snuck
over the dunes and found a place to be alone and do it more.  It was always
pretty risky to do it out there...in the open...but I just had to do it.
After a while, my tan was pretty god, and with having my shorts down (or
off) so much, I really didn't have too much of a tan line.  It was pretty
sexy looking to me when I saw it in my own mirror in the bathroom.  I had
to stand up on a stool to get a good look though...I am too short to see
everything just standing up at the counter...but that's a whole other
story.

       Some days, I would just fall asleep when I was out at the beach.  I
would always wake up and know I'd been dreaming about my baseball gang
(that's what I was calling them to myself then), and sometimes I'd wake up
with a boner (I'd heard that word at school, but didn't know what it
meant...a boner...what the hell???...but I figured it out one day sitting
out there watching that baseball boy adjust his shorts.  I laughed out loud
and he turned to look at me...I guess he thought I was laughing at
something funny, because he just sat there a bit then went back to watching
is friends in the water (I noticed he was giving his "Boner" a workout
under his shorts too!).

       One day...I was really down.  I was thinking about what would happen
to me when I got back to school.  I would be the new damn kid.  *Sigh* And,
how could I deal with needing to jack all day?  What would I do if I got
stiff looking at the boys at school?  I bet they'd beat me up, or
something.  Flush my head down the toilet.  I could remember boys calling
each other "queer", and "fag" at my old school.  A couple of kids got beat
up pretty badly...they just transferred schools and never came back.  I
didn't understand it back then...but sitting here so much on the beach and
having time to think it through...I figured it out.  They got beat up
because they were just like me...that meant I would be just like them...and
I should expect to get beat up too...the only question was when...not
if...kinda like my Dad said about boys learning to jack-off.  I must have
passed out asleep.  I remember thinking about being REALLY hot, but my mind
was all wrapped up in my dreams and I couldn't wake up.  Then...I felt a
hand on me.  It was cool...my skin felt burning hot.  I opened my eyes...it
was the baseball boys from down the beach...One was kneeling over me, the
one with long brown hair.  The other (with short hair) was standing at my
feet.

       Once I figured out who they were I was scared...I wanted to crawl
into a hole and hide.  They had figured out I was staring at them and they
somehow that I was thinking about them being nude and stuff...I was in REAL
trouble...I was about to get my first pounding as a gay boy...



       Okay...new angle...but hopefully now you can see a bit more why
Lenny reacted and acted as he did when he met Liam.  Still...I know we have
more answers to be discovered.  We'll get to them...let me know what you
think so far.  Many thanks to all your kind words and so forth.  I promise
to answer any email as soon as possible.  -- Andy

       andyoutwest@live.com