Date: Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:48:50 -0500
From: alexxxapathy@aim.com
Subject: BEACH BOYS chapter 4

No mistakes so far, haha. Here it is.


After we pulled our clothes back on we went to the kitchen and had a
wordless breakfast. We both knew that we'd have to talk about everything
that had happened between us at some point, but neither of us was sure as
to how the conversation would go. It was like that feeling you got in your
stomach before your first rollercoaster ride; everything logically told you
it was going to be a pleasant experience, but something in your core said
no. Twenty minutes ago I was tasting his most private of places, and now
the only attempt at conversation he'd made was whether or not I wanted
eggs, which we both knew was a lame conversation starter what with me being
a vegetarian. Finally I just blurted it out.


"Jamie, does this make us boyfriends?", I said with a hint of
nervousness. If he rejected me now...


"I.. I don't know Alex," he stammered. He looked up from the table. "Do you
want us to be?"


I was taken back by the question. This was the exact moment I'd been
dreaming of since before I could remember. I remember going to sleep with
tears in my eyes some sleepovers, thinking of how perfect being with Jamie
would be. How if I could even just touch him... just to touch, how
wonderfully fulfilling that'd be. Last night my dreams had quite literally
come true. Jamie had given me my first kiss, in just the right way, at just
the right time. It was dark, we were alone, there was fucking cuddling
afterwards for Christ's sake! I mean come on, we had fallen asleep in each
other's arms. I'd be hard pressed to even come up with a more romantic way
to give yourself to someone. But things were different when the sun was
up. All those logical concerns that everyone always said didn't matter were
suddenly important. Would we have to hide? What would people think? How
would our parents take it? What if we broke up? So many questions raged
inside my head I couldn't even think.

So instead I just spoke.


"Yes. Jamie, I love you, and no matter what I can't think of anyone I'd
rather be with than you... forever." My head had nothing to do with it.


He rose from his seat and sat next to me on my chair. We were looking each
other directly in the eyes; sapphires meeting emeralds, one world meeting
another. I felt his hand against mine, slowly interlacing our fingers
together into a tight grip. We both felt it then. This was it, from now on
we were together, we were one. I felt like I was dangling off a cliff;
Jamie's hand the only thing keeping me from falling into oblivion.


"What do we do now?", I asked, practically begging him to lead the way. I
still felt sore.


"Well....", he started, then trailed off. Slowly, painfully slowly, his
face got closer to mine. I drew a swift breath and leaned in, connecting my
lips with his in a deep kiss. I felt his tongue gently pressing against my
lips. Without thinking my mouth split, beckoning, and soon I had the
familiar sensation of his mouth in mine. Without breaking the kiss he moved
himself onto my lap and pressed my back forcefully into the back of the
chair.


In an instant the fun was over. Our passion was broken by a spike of pain
that shot through my sides. Right, there was more to last night than just
stars. I cried out in pain, ruining everything in the process. Jamie jumped
back in shock, falling onto the floor and causing me even more pain. My
torso felt like I'd been beaten with a sledgehammer. Jamie shot up off the
floor, a fearful concerned look pasted all over his beautiful face.


"Oh God, Alex, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?! Jesus I'm so sorry!", he was
blurting out hyper fast responses. I nodded a little and collapsed into his
arms, my body suddenly racked with sobs. All my pent up frustration and
depression about Jackson's abuse just came out. Jamie hugged me, careful
not to do so too tightly, kissing my neck and whispering apologies into my
ear.


We stayed that way until I finally got myself back under control. Jamie
moved himself so that his back was against the kitchen wall and i rested in
his lap, nestled up against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me,
protecting me. I could feel his breath against the top of my head, and I
could hear the rhythm of his heartbeat. I felt safe with Jamie, something I
never felt in my home. His warmth was soothing, his words were soft. I knew
that Jackson would be back soon, that this beautiful moment between us
would be ruined by that drunken fuck, but none of that seemed to matter
right now. I was Jamie's, and only Jamie's. I was the center of his world
and he was the universe that surrounded me. I could feel lyrics from songs,
in that cliche teen way. Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there... I
wondered if anything else could match this feeling.


We spent the next two hours cuddled together on the couch, watching
Saturday morning cartoons neither of us had seen in years and laughing at
all the shitty puns that used to be hilarious. Soon though, not even Ash's
adventures with Pikachu were enough to keep us interested, and we reverted
back to more 'basic' forms of entertainment. I rolled on top of him,
pressing hungrily into a kiss. Something was different though. I longed for
that security I'd felt in the kitchen, to know that no matter how many
things in my life fell apart or got fucked up, I'd never ever lose him. To
feel that I could have every single thing taken away from me and still be
standing there, unscathed, with my hand in his. His arms were wrapped
around me, a hand on my back gently rubbing and another in my hair. I
stopped kissing him, pushed back on our embrace, sat up slightly. He looked
hurt.


"Why'd you stop?", he asked in a fiendishly cute tone. Then all of a sudden
he got serious. "Did I do something wrong?"


"Aww Jamie, of course not, you're amazing... it's just that I... ugh I
don't know." I was being stupid.


"No come on baby, tell me, please?" Those words overpowered me. No one had
ever called me baby before in my entire life, not even my own mother. I
melted.


"It's just that... back there in the kitchen I felt really good.... really
safe. I just wanted to feel like that again I guess. It's stupid... I'm
sorry."


"No, babe please, that was the cutest thing. OK, I want you to listen to me
now, alright? Ok. Alex, I love you. I've had feelings for you for a long
time now, I've just always been afraid to tell you. But everything that's
happened between last night and right now... it's been like a dream. And I
want you to know that no matter what I'm never letting go of your hand."

With that he moved both his hands into mine, our fingers mingling
instinctively, and he pulled me down onto his chest. I pushed myself
upwards, up until my face was just above his. I could feel tears building
behind my eyes; words like that him home with me; it was my weakness. Our
eyes locked, and we came together into one graceful kiss, our lips just
barely touching. With that I layed my head down against his neck and closed
my eyes, allowing myself to be washed away in his sweet smell and the sound
of his breathing mixed with the cartoons of my youth. And for a moment I
doubted that even the Angels ever found this kind of peace.