Date: Fri, 24 May 2002 17:13:51 -0400
From: Stan Unknown <stan992001@hotmail.com>
Subject: Chapter 19 of Beating The Odds

			     Chapter Nineteen

"So, you aren't even going to sit next to me"? Kevin asked Tim. Tim didn't
answer. He just stared out into space.

"WHAT? I can't tell you! I can't tell anyone here. You don't understand,"
Kevin yelled, getting up out of his chair.

Tim finally looked up at him when he walked over in front of where he was
staring. "You said you loved me," he said, as new tears started to form in
the corners of his eyes.

"I do, damn it. I've been told not to talk about this. Why can't you
understand that?" Kevin yelled.

"I can't understand it because I don't know what you're talking about," Tim
yelled back. "I know you're hurting about something. I don't know what it
is. And not knowing is killing me inside. I really love you, but if you keep
things from me, I don't know if you love me or not. Really love me."

"I love you. But you have to stay out of my personal business," Kevin yelled
back.

Tim looked up at him and said quietly, "Fine. I'll stay out of your
business. I'm sorry. We have to trust each other totally or we can't be
together. I loved yesterday. I really did. I'll treasure those moments for
the rest of my life. I don't really think I'll ever get over you. I know I'm
going to regret this moment forever. But I can't change how I feel. I can't
be anyone different than who I am. You think those scars mean anything to
me? You think I won't love you because of them?" Tim asked, as new tears
streamed down his face. "You have no idea of the torment I went through with
all the operations I had just to get me like this," he said, as he waved his
hands at his legs. "You think you've had it worse than me in life? Wake up,
Kevin, and look at us as we walk down the hall together. Nothing you have
ever been through is worse than what I've been through."

"Yeah, you think so? Do your parents love you?" Kevin asked loudly.

Tim was taken off guard and finally mumbled, "Sure they do."

"So how would you feel if you grew up on a farm with a father who was one of
six boys? My father grew up helping his father with chores around the farm,
just like all his brothers did. Then  it came time to start his own family,
and all he had was one son. After I was born, she couldn't have any more
children. Dad had the same amount of work  to do as his father did. He
didn't have six boys to help him, only one. But he had to have help, or the
farm was going to go under. So what would you do?" Kevin yelled.

"I don't know. Maybe hire extra workers. What's that got to do with your
back?" Tim asked.

"There wasn't any money to hire anybody else. I just told you that he was
close to losing the farm several times. But all the work had to get done,"
Kevin said loudly, as he paced back and forth in front of Tim.

"So just the two of you had to do all the work?" Tim asked, calming down as
the reality of what Kevin was trying to tell him finally sunk in.

"Yeah. And at times, it was impossible to get everything done. I tried. I
really tried my best. But I just couldn't do everything he told me to do. So
he had to discipline me when I didn't do things like he wanted me to," Kevin
said, as he turned his back on everyone and tried to get himself under
control.

"Those scars on your back aren't from being disciplined. Those are from
abuse. Someone should have stopped him. Why didn't you tell somebody?" Jimmy
asked.

"Who could I tell?" Kevin screamed, as tears started running down his face.
"I loved my Mom and Dad. Our preacher always said that parents had to
discipline their kids to keep them in line. At least when he was beating me
he was paying attention to me."

"What do you mean?" Tim asked quietly.

Kevin finally broke down. He turned around and screamed, "All my life, he
told me over and over that the only reason I was born was to help him on the
farm. We studied the Bible together almost every night. Then he would go
over what I did right and what I did wrong. If I did too many things wrong,
he would read scriptures that showed that a father had to teach his children
to do the right thing. Then we would go back to my bedroom together. He'd
turn on my radio really loudly so Mom couldn't hear my screams."

"You poor baby," Tim said, as he got to his feet and tried to comfort him.

"Don't. Please! You don't understand. It was all my fault. If I had just
done what he told me, none of this would have ever happened."

"How old were you when all the beatings started," Dave asked. No one but Tim
and Kevin had said anything since he first started talking. Everyone had
been listening without making a sound.

"How old? What difference does that make? I don't know. Since I started
helping him. Maybe 5 or 6," Kevin answered.

"He's been beating you almost every day since you were 5?" Tim asked,
horrified.

"He never beat me. He was just teaching me to do things the right way. Don't
you understand?"

"Baby, those scars on your back have nothing to do with teaching or
discipline. That's abuse, clear and simple," Tim said softly.

"That was just one time when he got really mad at me. It's what started all
the problems," Kevin answered.

"What do you mean?" Tim asked.

"The Bible teaches you to be modest about your body. So I always had to wear
long pants and long sleeved shirts. Even in summer. I even had to keep my
collar buttoned at all times. And the only kind of clothes my Mom would buy
me were dark colors, like navy blue and brown," Kevin said.

"God, that would kill me if I had to dress like that all the time," Jimmy
said.

"It wasn't so bad, really. I did get teased a lot in school because of it.
Anyway, I was working out in one of our fields. I had my portable radio with
me and I guess I was playing it too loudly. It was really hot and sweat was
pouring off of me. My shirt was soaked, so I took it off and put it on the
tractor I had ridden out to where I was working. I didn't hear my Dad drive
up in his truck because of the music. He had told me never to take off my
shirt where someone else could see me. I knew better than to do it, but I
was so hot," Kevin said, but then his voice trailed off.

When he didn't continue, Tim asked gently, "What happened then, Kev?"

"I'm sorry. I just can't talk about this any more. None of you understand
and there could be even more trouble if any of you told anyone about this,"
Kevin yelled.

"Kevin, if you don't want to talk about it, we'll understand. But we have
all agreed that anything said here today stays within this group. No one is
going to tell anyone anything that you say," Dave said.

"We all swear we won't tell anyone, Kevin. It might make you feel better if
you tell us. I know I feel better now about telling all of you what happened
between me and my Dad," Brian said.

Kevin thought about it for a moment then looked around the room at everyone.
"You all have to swear never to repeat this to anyone. Especially you, Jim.
You can't tell your Dad."

"I swear I won't tell anyone," Jim said.

"I do too," Brian agreed.

"You know I won't tell anyone, Kevin," Dave added.

"None of us will say anything, right guys?" Ryan asked, as he looked around
at Rob, Bruce, and Neal. Everyone quickly agreed.

"I won't either. I swear," Jimmy said, really shaken by the story.

"Me either. But I would like to meet your Dad some day," Josh said with a
stern look on his face.

"Well, that might not be possible for a long time," Kevin said, as he looked
around the room.

"You know I'm not going to tell anyone anything that would hurt you," Tim
said softly.

Kevin looked at him, wiped his eyes, and finally grinned at him. "You know
I'm doing this for you, don't you? But not only do I have to tell you, I
have to tell all of them too."

"I know baby. But like Brian said, maybe it will make you feel better after
you have explained everything. Then you have all of us supporting you in it.
Look at all the friends that will help you if you need us," Tim said, as he
waved his hand around the room.

Kevin looked around the room and all he saw were solemn looking faces,
shaking their heads in agreement.

"Go for it, man. I think Tim's right. You've got to trust someone sometime,"
Josh said.

"If you were me, would you trust you?" Kevin asked, grinning.

Josh laughed and said, "No, probably not. But I'll tell you what. You trust
me and I'll trust you. How does that sound?"

"You don't have any idea what I'm going to tell you. You don't have any
secrets like I do," Kevin answered.

"You don't really know me, do you?" Josh asked, as he got to his feet and
walked closer to Kevin. "And I really don't know you. We were ready to kill
each other a few minutes ago. I'm sorry about that. I know it was my fault.
But you're wrong. I might have even more secrets than you do. I guess you
have to trust me to find out. And then, and only then, will all of us truly
be friends. But you have to trust all of us to start with. Me too," he said,
as he looked around the room. "See, I'm not very good at sharing my
problems, either. I have trouble trusting people. That's why I'm glad you
have to go first," he laughed. "But I know one thing. I think I'd like to
have you as a friend," Josh continued, as he held out his hand.

Josh stared at him for a few moments and then grabbed his hand and shook it.
"What happened to the tough guy that was ready to beat up everyone in the
room?" he laughed.

"You, I can take one on one. Those four," he said, as he motioned to Ryan,
Rob, Bruce, and Neal, "I think I can take together. Second degree black
belt, you see," he laughed. "Now you," he said, as he pointed at Brian,
"you're different. I was already thinking about how many kicks I could land
and still stay out of your reach. I wasn't looking forward to it if you ever
got me down," he laughed.

"I was," Brian giggled. "And I would have, too."

"Don't start anything else," Jim said under his breath.

"No, we're cool now, right?" Josh asked, as he went over and shook hands
with him.

"Yeah. Like Kev said, just don't go back to the other Josh or we'll all kick
your ass, even if it takes all of us," Brian laughed.

"That's a deal. All of you being so open about your lives has made me see
things differently. I've never had any gay friends before. I never really
thought of myself as gay until I met him," he said, as he pointed at Jimmy.
"But he says he loves me and I think he does. And I can't believe it but I
think I love him too. This has been a really weird day," Josh said,
laughing.

"Thanks a lot. You say the sweetest things to me. No wonder I love you like
I do," Jimmy answered, as he got up and walked over to Josh and kissed him.
"So what's up about all these secrets you haven't told me?"

"Kevin has to finish first. That's part of the deal. I've never told anybody
about any of this. I don't think Kevin has either. Kevin, has telling what
you have so far made you feel any better?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I know I'm glad Tim isn't mad and ready to break up
with me any more. That's right, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah. You couldn't get rid of me now if you tried. But I do want you to
finish," Tim said as he leaned up and kissed Kevin lightly on the lips.

"Ok. God, how did you talk me into this?" Kevin groaned.

"You said you're sharing this with us because you love me, right?" Tim
asked.

"Yeah."

"Then that's how I talked you into it," Tim said, grinning at Kevin.

"Ok. If I have to do this, I can't sit down. I just have to kind of walk
around and talk. Is that all right?" Kevin asked.

"Sure," Tim agreed and sat down. Josh just sat on the back of a table and
held Jimmy's shoulders from behind. Everyone else just nodded at each other
and grinned.

"Ok, where was I? I was working out in the field without my shirt on,
right?"

"Yeah, no big deal in that. I don't wear a shirt a lot in the summer when
I'm outside," Josh said.

"I can't wait for summer," Jimmy answered, giggling.

"Well, that was a big deal with my Dad. To him, it was like I was naked and
walking around in public or something. I've never seen him that mad before."

"Just for taking off your shirt because you were hot?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. You don't know my Dad. He started screaming at me about making a
mockery of God's word in his fields. That I was going to bring down God's
wrath on me and everyone in the family. That the corn I was weeding was
doomed now and this land wouldn't grow anything for years. He drug me over
to the tractor that I had ridden over to the field and used rope from the
back of his truck to tie me to it."

"Oh no," Tim said.

"Yeah. He started to take off his belt, but instead he got out one of the
rubber tie downs that have hooks on both ends out of his truck. He said I'm
going to teach you once and for all to do what I tell you to do. Then he
started to beat me."

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Tim said quietly.

Kevin seemed to not have even heard him. He was pacing back and forth. "I
tried to take it like a man, just like he had always told me to do. From
when I was really small, he would make me bend over and grab my ankles or as
close as I could get back then. If I screamed, I would always get more
beatings. If I didn't scream, he would finally stop. See, he really thought
he was teaching me to be a man."

"Your Dad and my Dad ought to meet. Maybe they could go bowling together,"
Brian said.

"Yeah, they seem like the same kind of fathers," Jim added.

"My Dad would never go into a place like a bowling alley. He always said
that those places were just full of sinners," Kevin answered.

"You're kidding," Brian asked.

"No. He kept me from all forms of temptation. I'd never seen TV except at
school until I moved in with my Uncle."

"NO WAY!" Jimmy yelled.

"Yeah. We could have radios, but not a TV. He said all there was on it was
sex and violence. So he wouldn't buy one."

"God, that's crazy," Tim said.

"Anyway, he beat me this time until I was sagging down against the tractor.
I tried not to make a sound but the pain just got to be too much. And the
more I screamed, the more he continued to beat me," Kevin said.

"Oh God, that's awful," Tim said, as he got up and hugged Kevin to him as he
cried.

"But see, I deserved it. I knew better than to take my shirt off. Dad had
told me over and over never to do that. But I was just so hot."

"Where's your Dad now? I think I would love to have a little talk with him,"
Dave said. His face was red and you could tell he was really angry.

"That's the worst part," Josh answered, as new tears started to flow down
his cheeks. "That was last spring. I tried to rush into the showers after PE
and take a really fast shower, then get dressed as fast as I could. Coach
Williams saw my back while I was getting dressed. He called me into his
office and made me tell him then whole story. I explained what I had done
wrong and how my Dad had punished me for it. I told him that it had been my
fault, but he wouldn't listen. He called the police. I had a doctor give me
a complete physical. I don't know if I had ever had one before. I was really
embarrassed. Can you imagine being naked in front of a man I had never met
after the way I was brought up?" Kevin asked.

"No, that had to be really hard for you," Josh said.

"It was. But the worst part was they put my Dad in jail. They took me away
from my Mom and put me in a foster home until my Uncle came and got me,"
Kevin said, as he broke down once more. Tim hugged him to him and Kevin
cried on his shoulder until he could recover. No one else made a sound.

When Kevin had composed himself again, he said, "I kept saying I wouldn't
testify against him. No one was going to make me do that. But they finally
said I would be held in contempt of court unless I did. So they put him in
prison for ten years. Now Mom has to sell he farm for whatever she can get
for it and move in with her sister. And it's all my fault," Kevin cried.

"None of this is your fault," Brian said loudly, as he got to his feet. "I'm
really sorry for everything that's happened to you, but you aren't to blame
for any of this. Look, your Dad was an ass hole. So is my Dad. I hope they
get cells next to each other with huge cell mates who are really horny and
haven't seen a woman in twenty years."

"Yeah, and no lube," Rob answered.

"What do you know about lube, young man," Neal kidded.

Rob blushed a bright red. "Well...uh...not much. Ryan and I were going to
ask you and Bruce about that," he said.

Everyone laughed, which broke the ice.

"Kevin, you have all of us to support you now. We're all your friends. And
none of this will ever go out of this room," Dave said.

"Thanks," Kevin answered. Then everyone turned to Josh.

                                        To Be Continued

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