Date: Thu, 8 Feb 2001 17:15:49 +0100
From: Lange <lange.ruegen@t-online.de>
Subject: betrayed love - chapter six

umm, don't read this if:

~you are younger than 18
~you are homophobic or you just generally don't like this sort of stories
~this is forbidden where you live
= that means, read if you're sure you can risk it.

thanks to William Watts for editing this ... I think the story would look
not too good if he didn't do it ... not that I'm convinced of my writing
ability. :) thanks to Silvia for 'helping' me with the story line.

ahh yeah, my homepage is http://home.t-online.de/home/lange.ruegen
go there if you're interested in other stuff I write.

forgot about this the last time: tis story is copyright my n-c-g [that's me,
btw :-)]. All rights reserved. ... uhh, doesn't that sound dumb? :)

so ... I hope nobody is offended by this chapter and you can enjoy it and
please mail me if you like or dislike or whatever the story.

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!!!!NOTE!!!!
again apologies to every nurse, doctor and paramedic (hi miguel!) or other
person who works in that profession for the last scene in chapter five. i
really didn't want to offend anybody.
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~~~~~~~~~~
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~

chapter six - pain and passion

Jason lay awake for most of the night and cried every now
and then. He was scared that this might happen again and he
knew for sure that he couldn't endure that too often. When
the nurse came into the room to help Jason wash himself,
she did notice the situation he was in, but she decided not
to ask him about it.  She simply assumed he had had some
fun on his own last night or that he had experienced a wet-
dream. Jason felt humiliated that a woman saw him like
that. He closed his eyes and hoped everything would be over
in a few minutes. She did her job as quickly as she could
when she sensed his embarrassment, and she was done in a
relatively short time. Another nurse brought his breakfast
in and he nibbled on it a little, but he could not really
eat all that much.

He faded in and out of sleep throughout most of the day.
There were always nurses checking on him, but they didn't
bother him too much. He had soup for lunch and, honestly,
it tasted awful. His senses were still very much clouded,
not only because of what the doctor had done to him the
previous night, but because of all the medicine he had to
swallow. He didn't see the doctor again that day and he
hoped he would never meet the man again but, even if he
did, he knew he wouldn't let him do that to him again. The
next time he would scream for help and protect himself.

When he had decided on a plan to use to trick the doctor, a
knock sounded on the door. A panicked expression crept on
Jason's face and he anxiously awaited the opening of the
door, as he knew for sure that it was too early to be his
parents or sister. He mentally prepared himself to jump out
of the bed and kick the doctor, but a black-haired head
poked through the door and the green eyes attached to that
head radiated insecurity and concern. It was Eric.

Eric opened the door a little further, stepped timidly into
the room, and slowly shut the door behind him. He turned
around, but did not look at Jason directly. He stared at
his feet instead and tried hard to keep his head down.
Jason was very surprised, and also a little afraid, to see
Eric in his room. In the end, Eric had been at the front of
the attack, but he also was the one who had called the
police. Could he trust him?

"Eric, look at me please."

Eric's head turned upwards and two questioning green eyes
looked at Jason, and Jason could see the fear registered in
them. Eric seemed ready to escape from the room at any
moment, just in case his visit wasn't welcome. This wasn't
the same strong boy who had attacked him with disgust and
hatred written on his face.  Instead, he seemed more like a
boy who had done something wrong and now awaited his
punishment.

"Why?" Jason uttered the word barely audibly, while looking
straight into Eric's eyes. Eric went a few steps forward,
stood directly in front of Jason's bed, and whispered a
soft 'I didn't want to,' before he broke down crying on the
spot.

Jason looked at him amazed and shocked. This was definitely
not the reaction he had expected. He tentatively reached
out his hand and petted Eric's black hair lovingly. For a
second, Eric relaxed to his touch before he looked up and
stared at Jason, not believing what was happening. Jason,
noticing that, pulled his hand back quickly.

"I'm sorry," Jason said panicked.

"I'm sorry," Eric responded too, as he jumped to his feet
and scrambled out of the room. He now began to question why
he had come here in first place? He had known it wouldn't
go the way he hoped. He knew that he would be overwhelmed
by his feelings, but he took the chance anyway. Yeah, his
feelings. If anybody knew about how he felt, especially if]
Steven or Tommy got to know about that, then he'd have
problems of his own. He already had had a close call during
lunch the other day, almost letting the others know his
secret.

The tears were still flowing down his cheeks, but he now
found himself standing in front of the door that exited the
hospital. Realizing where he was, he stopped dead in his
tracks. If Steve saw him like this, he would be the new
topic of the school gossip. Steven surely didn't care about
his feelings or confidence. Eric could not quite understand
why he was or had in first place been friends with Steven.
Overall, he was only an asshole, an intolerant, abusive,
and heartless but, on the other hand, he was a good cover,
because no one would ever suspect him of being friends with
a fag.

Eric went into the men's room to clean himself up a little.
Eventually he had to get home, somehow, and if Steven found
out that he had cried over 'some fag', he sure as hell
wouldn't be driven home by him. When he had decided that he
looked good enough to leave, he took one deep breath and
left the building, slowly walking to the parking lot.  All
the time he was walking, he was contemplating how to
maintain his usual calm and collected self, although
feeling just the opposite. Steven was already waiting for
him, leaning against the car-door and smoking a cigarette.

"Well, how is it with our little sissy?"

"He looked okay, I guess."

"He's okay? He should be dead."

"Hmmm ... yeah." Eric replied nearly inaudibly.

"I knew that you'd agree, buddy."

Again Eric realized how disgusted he truly was with Steven
but, after everything he had done, Steven had seen to it
that Eric was accepted at school. If he knew about it...

"Should I drive you home directly, or can I grab a burger
first?"

"You can stop. I've got nothing planned for today."

"Cool." He put the car in gear and drove out of the parking
lot, heading for the nearest fast-food restaurant to buy a
burger and a coke there. Eric declined Steven's offer to
buy him something. He didn't feel like eating at all at
that moment, having lost his appetite thinking about what
they had done to Jason. Steve ate while driving and did not
exactly care about the speed limit or any other driving
rules. He then decided to take a shortcut, so he could get
home a little earlier than he usually would have. The route
they took home was kind of dark, with trees standing no
more than a three feet from each other and the street was
only about six feet wide. Most of the sunlight was absorbed
by the leaves on the trees, which made it feel like it was
later in the day than it was. Steve stayed within the speed
limit for now, and he was the one who spotted the other
person first.  He was walking along the street, about 200
yd ahead of them. Steven looked at the figure for another
moment, before he recognized him.

"Hey Eric, do you know who that guy is?"

"No."

"Peter. Peter Mac Cally. He's 19 and he's a fag. And HIV
positive, of course."

"How can you be so sure he is?"

"What else should he be? All fags die of Aids and STDs."

"Hm."

"Let's show him what we think of his kind."

"What do you... ?"

"Wait and I'll teach you how to take care of fag-boys."

He drove a little faster and had the steering wheel turned
so he would drive really close to Peter. He had made up his
mind to scare him a little and give him something to think
about. Just when he was about 15 feet behind him, Peter
suddenly stepped one or two feet to the right, to avoid a
rather large puddle along the side of the  street.  Steven
could not avoid him and hit Peter head on, the force of the
collision throwing him into the air and sending him several
feet backward, before hitting the ground again. Steven
stomped on the brakes immediately and both Eric and he
looked horrified at the sight in front of them. Sweat oozed
from Steven's forehead and rolled down the side of his
face. Peter could not possibly be...  He cut that thought
off in his mind but Peter's body looked so unnatural, the
way it was lying there. Steven looked imploring at Eric.

"You have not seen anything," Steven told him.  "You don't
know anything about any of this. Do you understand that?"
He accentuated every word with the steely stare of his gray
and now cruel-looking eyes.

"Umm...sure." Eric nodded terrified, not believing that
this had really happened to him just now.

"Good." Putting the car in gear again, he drove around the
motionless
body in front of them, then gained speed and raced down the
street.
He did slow down when he came to the main street, but both
Steven's and Eric's hearts were beating fast. Eric felt
like being suffocated at the thought that Steven had just
killed. Well, maybe he was not really dead. Maybe he was
just hurt, although...the way he was lying there was more
than unnatural. He had looked simply awful, no, absolutely
horrible. He had never seen anything worse and the image of
the body on the street was burned into his mind. He heard
Steven gaining speed again and driving off like a
maniac...fast was not the word to describe it. And then he
heard Steven babbling incoherently, words and word groups
that made little or absolutely no sense at all. Eric didn't
worry that much about it though, as he was quite shook up
too.

As if in trance, he left the car as soon as Steven stopped
the car and he raced into the house. Lucky for him, nobody
was home. His parents were still at work and he didn't
expect them home for some time yet. He went to his room,
shut the door, and broke down on the bed, sobbing
uncontrollably and letting out all the emotion he had kept
bottled up throughout the day. The whole day had been a
total mess.  There was nothing that had gone even halfway
right. First, he had been short of telling Jason
that...that...another sob racked his body. And then this
'accident'. They had *killed* somebody. Well, the death
might have been an accident if Peter was dead, but Steven
had *wanted* to scare Peter or, even worse, maybe he had
wanted to *hurt* him...and all because Peter was gay.

As far as he knew, Steven didn't even know Peter
personally. If he would do that to him, what would he do to
someone he did know and was close to, if he found out he
was gay? Why was life so difficult? He had only wanted to
make sure that Jason was not severely hurt.  Was he guilty
for all of this happening too? Guilty because of what they
had done to Jason and now somehow guilty for what had
happened to Peter? He couldn't quite say whether he truly
was guilty, but he sure felt like he was. His heart was
heavy with guilt and remorse. How could he live knowing
that they had killed somebody? And even if Peter was not
dead, he was hurt badly, at the very least. That would make
him the second person he had helped to harm in two days.

These thoughts kept repeating themselves over and over, but
he did not find any solutions or answers to his problems,
only more questions. He hoped sleep would come and take him
somewhere else, to a place where things like this didn't
matter, but he did not fall asleep at all during the hours
he lay on his bed. He mentally groaned when he heard his
parents come home.  No, he couldn't deal with them now. He
had enough problems already.  Why did he have to have
parents like he did on top of everything else?  They did
not come to his room though, and he was thankful for that.
He wouldn't, couldn't, and didn't want to tell them what
had happened today. Even if they would have been like
normal parents, he couldn't tell them about the incident
with Jason because he couldn't tell them without explaining
the reasons for his being there.  They knew Jason was gay
and, well, their reaction had not been very nice concerning
that news. And he could never, absolutely never tell them
about Peter. That had to be kept a total secret, no matter
what else happened. So there was only one possible thing to
do, he had to keep this thing to himself.

When he heard his parents moving about the house, he fell
back onto his bed, weeping like mad again. He didn't know
how he would survive and, more importantly, how long he
would be able to conceal everything and pretend as if
nothing had happened. He knew that he could not go on like
this forever, concealing what they had done and hiding the
fact he was also gay. Sooner or later he'd have to tell
someone, anyone about it. He wished so much that the person
he would be able to tell would be Jason but, the way it
looked now, he could really put that dream away. The fact
that Jason had outed himself as gay was definitely a step
forward, but the fact that he was in love with Tommy was
two steps backward. Jason had felt strongly enough about it
that he had told Tommy about being gay and about his love
for him, and that's what started this whole mess. Tommy's
rejection had certainly been a huge disappointment for
Jason, but for Eric it was more than fine. Maybe, after
all, he had still some kind of chance with Jason[,]
especially after what Jason had done to him in the
hospital. He shouldn't have run away. He had probably hurt
Jason by doing that. Maybe Jason thought now that he too
would turn his back on him  but, well, he probably had
already thought that before. After all, he had stood in the
front row when Steven had initiated the fight. He should
have never gone there, but what choice did he truly have?
Then out of the blue, his door opened and his mother
stepped into his room.

"We'll be going to your grandmother's over the weekend,"
she told him.  "We've decided to leave it up to you whether
you want to go with us or stay home by yourself."

"Uhh...I'll stay, I guess."

"Alright, then we'll be leaving shortly. You know where
everything is and there's plenty of food for you to fix
when you get hungry."

Without as much as a last glance, a good-bye, or a little
hug, she left the room again. He heard her and his father
start the car,  before backing down the driveway and onto
the street. That was how his parents were, however. They
never showed any affection, there never were any kisses or
soothing words, and they seldom made him feel like they
loved him. It was always simple and unemotional with them.
It was all calculated solutions and only necessary acts for
them. His father never showed his feelings and his mother
was not any different, when it came to that.

He really hoped he was not like them. He didn't want to
become such an unfeeling monster but, regarding the depth
of his feelings for Jason, it was not likely that he would
be. Hopefully he would not be like either of them. Well, he
didn't hate them either, they were his parents, but he
could never, at least not yet, tell them about everything.
He actually did not tell them anything personal anymore and
they did not ask. He did not tell anybody about any of his
feelings, for that matter. He could surely not talk with
Steven about anything like that.  He had thought about
talking to Tommy, but, first, he didn't know him all that
well and, second, Tommy wouldn't even consider listening,
after all that had happened. So his dream-boy for talking
would be Jason, with the stress on 'dream' of course. If
that would come true...but he did not even dare think or
dream that it would. He did not want to jump to any
conclusions or waste his life on daydreams. Not anymore.

There had been this time about a year ago when his only
place to feel alright was the imaginary world he had built
for himself. He had pretended that Jason was his boyfriend
and he got all giddy and
over talkative when he met Jason in the hallways after
that. The only problem was that he had let a few things
slip while talking to Steven and he became really afraid
that Steven might suspect something. Besides, it had gotten
really frustrating seeing Jason every day and not getting
any hint that maybe, just maybe, Jason felt the same way
about him. Well, that shouldn't really have surprised him,
looking back at it now. Eric only wondered why he hadn't
noticed Jason looking at him like that before. It seemed
that Steve had. Hmm, that was something to think about.
Maybe Steven was gay after all?

No, no, that wasn't possible.  Mentally cursing himself for
even considering it, he quickly dismissed that thought. It
would be more likely that he would get together with Jason
than in Steven being gay. Although, coming together with
Jason was a chance of maybe 100 to 1, or 1000 to 1, or even
worse. He didn't understand how some people seemed to find
their significant others so easily, and he couldn't even
find someone he could trust. He also couldn't understand
why some people switched their boyfriends or girlfriends
that often. It seemed to be so unreal and so fake. He knew
he surely would never switch his lovers the way other
people did. Not because he thought it to be that bad, but
mainly because he knew that he wouldn't be capable of truly
loving as many different people as to have a new boyfriend
every month or so. He still had doubts whether people who
had all these different lovers really felt love for one
another or whether it was only about sex.

Eric decided to not go to Steven's house over the
weekend...that would have been his only other possibility,
other than staying home alone. He couldn't stand looking
into his hateful and disgust-filled eyes while he went on
and on about how useless and threatening 'fags' would be
and how they should be eradicated from the earth. On that
point, Tommy had become totally like Steven, especially
with all the fights he had been involved in the past year
or so, as it always involved boys they suspected of being
gay.

The first time he had been with Tommy and Steven, when they
got into one of these fights, was about three years ago,
when all of them had been about 14 years old. Well, Steven
was one year older than all of them anyway. They had been
on campus after school, just the way it had been with
Jason. The only difference was that it was only the three
of them that time. Steven and Tommy had walked right up to
this boy, a seventh grader. He was small for his age,
pretty effeminate, yet fairly cute Eric thought, looking
back at it now. Tommy and Steven had asked the boy whether
he was queer and, when he didn't reply, they continued
asking him this one question over and over again. He kept
denying it all the time, but it was no use. Steven got
angry really quickly and soon the first punch had been
thrown. They hadn't kicked him though, the way they had
done to Jason. That boy had transferred schools not long
after that incident, and Eric had not seen him since that
day, although he'd really like to meet him now...

Still going over all these memories again, he went into the
kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. Sitting on the
kitchen table, he wondered what to do with his time, but
there were not really that many things he could do. He
surely would not go to Steven's...at least definitely not
in the next two days. He decided to push the memory of the
accident out of his mind and to think about Jason instead.

Hopping from the table, he went back into his room and got
into his bed, after having closed the curtains. The room
was now bathed in a
eerie kind of light, an unnatural light that was filtered
through the curtains or through the gaps, but came from the
passing cars and streetlights outside. He lay on his bed
naked, hoping to find some relief. His left hand went to
his nipples and he began tweaking and caressing them. His
right hand traveled down his body, stroking over his belly
in the process and toying with his pubic hair, before
reaching his shaft and caressing along the length of it. He
then encircled his penis with his thumb and fingers and he
began an up and down stroking movement on it. All the while
he kept on playing with his now hardened nipples, imagining
Jason on top of him and doing all this as they made love.
After a short time, sweat began forming on his forehead and
soon it was rolling down the sides of his face. He felt his
heartbeat becoming stronger and his breath getting slightly
ragged. Nearing his orgasm, he sped up his hand movement,
seeking relief. He groaned out loud, arched his back off
the bed, and a scream escaped from his throat while his cum
splashed on his chin and chest. He shot another couple of
spurts and then his hand slipped down by his side, just
before he lay spent on his bed.  His eyes kept trying to
close every few moments, until he fell asleep with his cum
drying on his body.

He did manage to sleep for a few hours, before waking up at
about 10pm. He unwillingly got up and took a shower, to
clean the remaining cum and sweat from his body. He could
hardly hold himself back from pleasuring himself again in
the shower, but he wanted to watch a particular movie that
he had rented and he would never finish it before midnight
if he started playing with himself once more. He would
reserve that for the morning.  Coming from the shower, he
grabbed the videotape out of his room, then fetched a coke
from the refrigerator, and grabbed a bag of  chips.  He sat
down on the couch and turned on the TV, after having
popped the tape in the VCR. For anyone who likes teenage
boys, it would have been quite a sight: a still naked 17-
year old boy, in front of the TV, watching the commercials
before his movie began, and idly playing with his soft
penis.

Finally the movie started and he put the coke aside, while
he kept on caressing himself. He had seen the film at least
three times, but he couldn't get enough of it. It was about
a gay teen and he could really relate to the character in
the film. The first time he had watched this particular
film, it had been after admitting to himself that he did
have romantic feelings for Jason. He had absolutely loved
that film after that and, luckily for him, his parents had
not been there when he had watched it. They had been with
his grandma or grandpa or somebody else. He didn't care
about that. The film had remained important to him during
all that time and it was, in a way, the synonym for his
'relationship' with Jason. Every time there was some
'progress' with Jason, he would sit down and watch that
film at night. Like he said, the first time had been after
acknowledging his feelings, the second time when he had
really *talked* to Jason for the first time, the third when
he had 'accidentally' brushed against Jason in the hallway
and, well, now it was because Jason had touched him.
*Touched* him. He had not been forced to do it, but he had
done it freely, voluntarily. That was simply incredible.

Eric knew the film by heart, every dialogues and every
movement of the actors, so there was no reason to really
follow the storyline and he could keep his mind on other
'important' things. It was simply some kind of ritual he
always went through. With his thoughts on Jason, he fell
asleep while the film's hero was kissing his true love. The
moon played on Eric's face and body, as the clouds kept
shifting their position. The light beams reflected
differently off of the different part's of the sleeping
boy's form, highlighting his nipples, or belly, or legs, or
face, or by playing tricks with the color of his hair,
making it glow in different shades of black and blue.

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my e-mail: lange.ruegen@t-online.de