Date: Wed, 14 Feb 2001 08:05:45 +0100
From: Lange <lange.ruegen@t-online.de>
Subject: betrayed love - chapter seven

umm, don't read this if:

~you are younger than 18
~you are homophobic or you just generally don't like this sort of stories
~this is forbidden where you live
= that means, read if you're sure you can risk it.

thanks to William Watts for editing this ... I think the story would look not too
good if he didn't do it ... not that I'm convinced of my writing ability. :)
thanks to Silvia for 'helping' me with the story line.

ahh yeah, my homepage is http://home.t-online.de/home/lange.ruegen
go there if you're interested in other stuff I write.

forgot about this the last time: tis story is copyright my n-c-g [that's me,
btw :-)]. All rights reserved. ... uhh, doesn't that sound dumb? :)

so ... I hope nobody is offended by this chapter and you can enjoy it and
please mail me if you like or dislike or whatever the story.

-------
!!!!NOTE!!!!
don't really have something that's so important today, but well...i hope all
of you are fine. and hi to the guys from Nick's stories, if you'll be ever
reading this. nothing moreto add, except this chapter is pretty short compared
to the last ones, but it would look bad if it was longer.
--------
~~~~~~~~
~~~
~

chapter seven - confused, scared and lonely

When Eric awoke, the TV screen was blank and the sun had already warmed
certain parts of his body. He looked up and the clock; it read 10 a.m. He
leaned back, closed his eyes and then opened them once more, confirming to
himself that it was indeed only 10. His parents would be back at 12, so that
gave him two hours. Well, he wouldn't need that much time, that was for
sure. His eyes closed again and his fingers wandered, almost automatically,
to his penis.  He began caressing the warmed-up organ that was pressed hard
against his belly, enjoying the sensations as it stirred to life. Thinking about
Jason, he pretended that it was Jason's touch and the movements soon
became frantic.  It was not long before the combination of friction and
fantasy brought him to his climax and he shot his load onto his chest. Some
of the cum dripped onto the cushion under him and he groaned, knowing he'd
have to clean it up later. He grabbed the remote control and turned the TV
back on. Not surprisingly, there was not really anything good on. His
thoughts now wandered, and ,for the first time that day, he remembered
everything about Peter.  He began to think about what had happened
yesterday, besides his visit to the hospital. Suddenly another thought crossed
him mind, and he jumped to his feet and turned on the radio. If he was lucky,
he'd catch some news.

"...yesterday. Nobody saw the car that hit the young man, but the police
suspect that it may not have been an accident. A police spokesman has
commented that the incident occurred in the early evening, when it would
have been difficult for a driver not to have seen the 19-year old teenager.
Police have asked that anyone who might have information pertaining to this
situation call or come to the police station and tell them what you know. The
family has stated that they can think of no one who would want to hurt their
son, as he was a very much respected and admired part of his neighborhood.
Now we'll continue on with the weather..."

Peter was dead. This had confirmed it. Powerless, Eric's hand slipped over
the button to turn off the radio and he sank to the ground in the middle of the
room. Everything he had tried to keep from thinking about came crashing
down on him now. How could he possibly live knowing that he had killed
someone. Well, not actually killed him...it had not been him driving and it
had not been entirely his fault that Peter had died, had it?  The thing was, he
had been there, he knew what had happened, and he knew who was partly
responsible for Peter's death. What if someone found out about it now?
Would he have to go to prison?

The longer he sat on the carpet the more desperate he became. The tears were
streaming down his face and left wet streaks on his cheeks, neck and chest.
After staring off into space for another half an hour, he finally pulled himself
together and went to take a shower, hoping to be able to relax a little. It did
relax him some, although he was still shocked and shaking. Stepping out of
the shower, he toweled himself dry and put on his watch. He was amazed
when he noticed that he had barely half an hour left to clean up the mess he
had made on the couch. A grin crossed his face when he imagined what his
parents would think if they saw the dried cum there.

Eric grabbed a cloth and some water and tried to carefully clean the couch
without wetting it too much but, honestly, it didn't quite work and the cum
was now replaced by a puddle of water. Hoping his parents wouldn't notice it
right away, he thought the cleanig to be sufficient, and he went to his room to
put at least a pair of boxers on. His parents didn't like him walking around in
the nude. He had felt their disapproval, although they had never said so, but
he had caught several less than approving glares from his father.  He simply
had to take that as some kind of sign. It was as much emotion as his father
would ever show him, concerning his approval or disapproval about when he
did.

Well, maybe he should just do as he liked, as his parents didn't seem to care
anyway.  He could do whatever he wanted and not care about what others
thought, but that would make him just like his parents, and he did not want
that. He did care about other people's feelings and he enjoyed showing his
own feelings. He had noticed that at home he already tried to suppress
everything, the way his parents did, but he didn't want to end up like that.
Not if it meant that couldn't feel the way he did about Jason. He felt alive
because of the feelings he had for Jason. And even being hurt on a daily basis
because of Jason's unconscious rejection of him, he still felt alive. He was
not sure whether his parents even loved each other. He had never noticed any
affection between them, although somehow *he* must have been 'made'.

Just having barely thought about that, he heard his parent's keys in the door.
His father entered first, passing Jason without even looking at him, and his
mother stepped in behind her husband. She looked at Jason briefly, giving
him only a disinterested look. Well, what else should he have expected?
Without a word he turned and walked to his room, closing the door as soon
as he had stepped inside. Tears threatened to fall again, but he prevented
them from doing so. No emotion would be allowed to show here. He put a
CD into the stereo and listened to the music, standing motionless in the
middle of his room. He was jealous of how much emotion the singer had
released with just the one song.

As he was thinking about all of that, he decided he was getting hungry.  He
turned on his heels, doing a quick about-face, and walked into the kitchen. It
was lunch-time, so he fixed himself something to eat. A quick glance into the
living room confirmed what he had suspected, there were paper tissues over
the wet stain he had made cleaning up his mess. He looked at his parents, but
neither of them said a word about it. They never said anything to him... not
even when they were angry with him. He could remember times when he
was younger, when he had tried, really tried, to provoke them, but they never
reacted. That one time he had intentionally dropped his mother's very
expensive vase in the middle of the living room, she merely looked at him
with a blank stare before she bent down to clean up the mess he had made.
He had watched her cleaning-up the mess for a minute or two, and then he
ran to his room. Eric never saw any point in doing anything like that again,
having proven his point and knowing the things he thought about his parents
were true.

There were no words spoken during lunch, but you couldn't really say that it
was an awkward or uncomfortable silence, because it was always that way.
When he had finished eating, he put his plate into the sink, went out onto the
backyard and lay down on the warm grass. If his parents didn't care about
him, he didn't care about them either. Sometimes it even worked to his
advantage that he had nothing to do with them and it gave him something to
brag to Steven about.  Steven often told Eric how he would really like to treat
his parents that way, as he always put it. Eric did not see it as such an
advantage, but he knew that he'd hurt more if he reacted every time his
parents acted cold and aloof, and he wouldn't be able to stand that for very
long.  Even just being in their presence hurt him each time they acted that
way but, well, it would hurt even more if he let their indifference get to him.
It was a wonder that he could feel anything at all for Jason and, even more
surprising that he could acknowledge it to him.

Playing with the grass next to his body, one thought entered his mind for the
first time. Did these feelings make him gay? Well what was gay anyway? He
did like Jason and he didn't want to worry whether he was gay or not. These
labels didn't bother him and they only meant something bad to prejudiced
people, anyway.

Maybe he shouldn't have gone to the hospital.  Maybe he really didn't feel
anything for Jason after all.  Maybe it had only been his imagination to get
away from everything at home.  Maybe he had only wished to feel that way
to get away from his parents and to be different from them.  But maybe these
were simply too deep of thoughts for a Sunday afternoon.

He did not really want to go to his room though. It was nice to feel the sun on
his naked body and on the fabric of his boxers, making his groin area all
tingly. It was a really pleasant feeling, he thought. He really wanted to do
something about it, but he would have to do that somewhere there was some
privacy.  His modesty and feelings of shame always kept him from jacking-
off in front of his parents. He couldn't always prevent his hand from traveling
to his crotch though but, when he caught himself doing that, he would go to
his room to finish what he had started.

What was it with him these days, that he was always horny? Even some
plain, old sunbeams could arouse him enough to make him leave his nice
place in the sun. He supposed his parents were still where he had left them,
but he did not approach them and he went directly to his room. His nipples
had slightly shriveled when he had entered the house, because the air
conditioner had made the inside of the house a few degrees colder than the
outside. There were even a few goosebumps showing on his chest and arms.
The hairs on his arms stood upward and intensified the feeling of the air-
movement around him.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he let out the breath he'd been
holding in. He couldn't stand to live like this much longer, especially with
his robot-like parents. He would go crazy if he had to live this much longer,
but first he had to take care of some business. He did not want to hurry this
time. He wanted to enjoy this.  He slid his boxers down again, being now in
the privacy of his room. It simply felt better without them on, although he
was always fully clothed when he slept over somewhere or when somebody
slept over at his house. It had been ages since anyone had done that. He didn't
want to embarrass anyone with the nakedness thing, and he didn't want to be
embarrassed by his parents' non-caring attitude. The second reason was that
there was nobody he would like to invite, no one that he liked enough to take
that chance.  Sure, most people say that he was close enough to Steven, but
he was afraid of what Steven might think or do. Of course, there was Jason,
but Jason would be more than *a little* surprised if he asked him over for a
sleepover.

He sat down at the computer and played lazily with his cock, while
starting a computer game. It was a more or less unconscious reaction and it
was not done to really pleasure himself. He couldn't concentrate on that while
doing something else, and still do it the way that he liked it. It felt nice
though. He knew that if he ever had children he would teach them that it's
perfectly okay to be in the nude and that it's perfectly okay to show what you
are feeling, but he was probably thinking too much about such things. He
should, instead, be enjoying what he was doing. He decided to keep those
other thoughts buried somewhere deep down in his mind.

He grabbed the joystick and started playing the car-racing game he had
bought himself for his last birthday. His eyes and his hand got tired after
playing for four or five hours and he lay down on the bed hoping to lessen
the cramps in his arms and back a little. He relaxed completely and fell
asleep, curled up on the bed like a baby, letting the sunlight play over his
hips and buns and showing off his well-defined, but not overly so, muscles.
He snored slightly, but it was so quiet that it already passed as an adorable
feature.

Eric hadn't done that for years, just sleeping on a nice Sunday afternoon.
When he awoke again, the sky was glowing in bright red, orange and yellow
hues.

He stood at the door to the balcony and looked out into the sunset, halfway
embracing himself while imagining that it was Jason behind him.  He could
feel Jason stroking his sides and tummy, caressing his nipples and standing
with his chest pressed against Eric's back. He imagined it was Jason's hand
on his penis, and not his own, and that brought him closer and closer to the
fast approaching climax. He closed his eyes and could almost smell Jason's
scent and hair. Then he imagined one final series of things, he imagined that
he could feel Jason's member against his butt and his stream of cum hit the
glass on the door in front of him. Because of the reflections of the sunlight
about the room, the cum-stains glowed in different shades of white and
orange, as did the front of Jason's body. When he looked at the image in front
of him, his eyes started tearing up. Oh, what he would give to make this
fantasy come true...