Date: Sun, 19 Dec 2004 07:56:16 -0800 (PST)
From: Thomas Gaige <togaige@yahoo.com>
Subject: Brothers, Friends, & Lovers - Chapter 17

DISCLAIMER:  The following story is FICTIONAL.  It contains descriptions
of sexual  activities between men, teenage boys, and between men and
teenage boys.  If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this
type of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you
are, then please DO NOT READ IT!  If you choose to read it, then - I hope
you enjoy it!

                            Brothers, Friends, & Lovers

                                     Chapter 17

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We did everything we could," Dr. Grayson said.  "Unfortunately he had a
seizure during the surgery, just as we were exposing the damaged blood
vessel in his brain.  It was severed by the laser when his body jerked.
He started bleeding.  After his seizure ended, we managed to stop the
bleeding, but then saw that at the same time the laser severed the blood
vessel, it also bored a hole in the portion of the brain that controls
gross motor skills.  This in turn caused heart and respiratory failure.
Even if we were able to get his heart pumping again, and get him on a
respirator, it's doubtful we'd have finished the procedure successfully,
as we were unable to control the bleeding from the damaged blood vessel.
And, if we had been able to finish, Luke would most likely never have
regained consciousness.  He would have remained comatose and vegetative.
You should also know that it was his wish that we not let him live if a
situation like this occurred, and that was to be the outcome.  Again, I'm
very sorry."

For a moment, there was stunned silence, punctuated only by little
choking sobs from Mrs. Anderson.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Mrs. Anderson screamed suddenly.

She turned to her husband then, and started to waiver.  Just in time, he
caught her, as she collapsed.

"Shit!" Herb said, as he sat her down in her chair again, and started
tapping her cheek.

A couple of nurses ran over and started loosening her collar.  Herb stood
up and got out of their way, and watched nervously for a moment.  Then he
turned to the doctor.

"Thank you for everything you did Doctor.  What do we do now?" Herb
asked.

With tears streaming down his face, Jason stared incredulously at his
father, whose eyes remained dry.

The doctor said he'd send a nurse to get them in a little while so they
could say good-bye to Luke.

"Thank you doctor," Herb said.

Dr. Grayson left then.

Jason watched with horror as his father, showing no emotion, turned his
attention back to his wife, who was starting to stir, as the nurses
rubbed her hands and cheeks.

"THANK YOU DOCTOR????" Jason screamed at his father with an anguished
voice.  "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????  LUKE'S DEAD!!!!  WHY AREN'T
YOU CRYING?????"

Herb turned to his son with a confused look on his face.

"Jason!  Get ahold of yourself!" Herb said.  "We knew there was only a
50% chance he'd make it, and that even if he did, he might be bedridden!
I'm a realist.  I prepared myself for this outcome."

Jason stared incredulously at his father for a couple seconds, then
lunged at him and began pounding on his chest with his fists.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!   HE'S YOUR SON!!!!  HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLASE
ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE'S DEAD???????????" Jason screamed.

As Jason continued screaming at his father, Dan quickly stepped behind
him, gripped his arms and pulled him off Herb.  Jason spun around to face
Dan, but Dan quickly wrapped his arms around Jason and held him tightly.
Jason struggled to get free for a minute, but finally, defeated, he
buried his face against Dan's shoulder and began sobbing pitifully.
Tears ran down Dan's face too, as he held Jason tightly.

Tears finally welled in Herb's eyes, as he watched his son sobbing in
Dan's arms.  Sniffling, he turned his attention quickly back to Marge,
who had finally come around again, and was sobbing as well.

                   *                        *                        *

While the Anderson family grieved, Brian sat in the corner of the lobby,
as if in shock.  After a couple minutes, he leaped up and ran to the
men's room.  He flew into a stall, making it just in time.  With tears
welling in his eyes, he suddenly doubled over and vomited violently into
the toilet.  Brian threw up a couple more times, before finally sliding
to the floor, shaking.  He sat with his back against the wall of the
toilet stall, crying for some time.

Eventually, still feeling sick to his stomach, and with a pain in his
chest, he got up and left the bathroom.  He didn't return to the lobby.
He knew what he had to do.  In his mind, he knew that it was his fault
that Luke was dead.  He knew he'd never be able to live with himself
anymore.  He walked swiftly through the hospital's hallways, and out to
the parking garage.  His mother's car was still there.  He got into it
and drove quickly out of the garage, and away from the hospital.

                   *                         *                        *

Back at the hospital, a nurse appeared in the lobby and told the
Andersons they could see Luke if they wanted to.  Mrs. Anderson was still
in no shape to go in to see him, so she and Mr. Anderson remained seated
where they were.  Mr. Anderson said they'd visit Luke in a little while.
Jason and Dan followed the nurse though.

Luke had been put on a gurney and wheeled into a little room off to the
side of the operating rooms.  All the tubes and monitors were removed,
and when Jason and Dan walked in, it looked as though he were sleeping
peacefully.

Jason started crying hysterically again when he first saw Luke.  Dan took
him in his arms and held him, until he'd calmed down a little again.

Finally, Jason pulled himself together and approached his brother.

"I'm SO sorry Lukey!" Jason whispered, as he leaned over Luke and hugged
him.  "I shouldn't have told you to have the surgery!"

"He's still warm," Jason whined, looking at Dan, and starting to cry
again.

Half laying on Luke, Jason hugged his brother even tighter and buried his
face against his chest, and sobbed.

After a while, Jason had cried himself out.  He stood up and looked down
at his brother.

"I hope you're in a good place now Luke!  And that you're not in any
pain, and not suffering anymore," he said, sniffling.

He bent down over Luke's body again and kissed him on the forehead.

"G'bye Lukey.  I love you so much!  And I always will!" Jason said, as
tears began streaming down his cheeks again.

Jason turned then and walked out the door.  Dan stepped over to the
gurney, and kissed his fingers, then touched them to Luke's forehead.

"Y'all were a good guy Luke!  Don't worry 'bout Jase.  I'll take care of
him for ya!" Dan said, as tears glistened in his eyes.

Then, as a tear let loose and trickled down his cheek, Dan turned and
walked out of the room, and hurried off down the hallway after Jason.

                         *                  *                  *

Tears streamed down Brian's face and his body was wracked with sobs, as
he drove along.  There was a determination in his actions though.
Half-blinded by his tears he kept scanning the area he was driving
through, as if searching for something.  Eventually, he stopped and
pulled over, staring down the empty street in front of him at a big old
oak tree.

"That should do it," He muttered to himself.

As he sat, staring at the tree, he started crying harder.

He reached into the glove compartment, and took out a pen and pad of
paper his mother always kept in there.  He scrawled a note on the top
page, and signed it.  He ripped the page off the pad and folded it and
put it in his wallet.  Then he put the pad and pen back in the glove
box.  He sat for a moment looking at the tree again, as he sobbed still
harder.

"I'm so sorry Luke!" he whined pitifully, after a minute.

Then, he released his seatbelt, put the car in gear, and stepped on the
gas, and pulled back into the driving lane.  He pressed the pedal all the
way to the floor then.  He careened down the street, heading straight for
the big tree trunk.

The last thing Brian saw was a dog running into the street from a
driveway on the right, just in front of the tree.  He swerved left to
miss the dog.  He managed to miss it, but at the same time, failed to
achieve his purpose.  Rather than slamming headon, directly into the
tree, only the front right corner of the car slammed into the tree
trunk.  Nevertheless, Brian's head hit the windshield, and everything
went black.

                 *                   *                      *

Dan had his arm wrapped around Jason's shoulders, and the two were
sitting together on a couch in the corner of the lobby when the Abbotts
walked back in.  Immediately they could see that something was terribly
wrong.  Jason was in tears.  His friend was trying to comfort him, and
Marge and Herb were nowhere to be seen.

"Jason?" Mrs. Abbott asked, suddenly worried.

Jason looked up at them.

Sniffling, he said, "H-he didn't make it!"

"OH NO!" Mrs. Abbott cried, her hands jerking up to her face in horror.

"Oh Jason!" Mr. Abbott said.  "We're so sorry!"

"Thanks," Jason said.

With tears in her eyes, Mrs. Abbott looked around the lobby, then said,
"Where's Brian?"

"Oh my God!  Brian!" Jason said, sniffling, and sitting up to look
around.  "I don't know."

"He was here when the doctor told us," Dan said.  "I haven't seen him
since though."

"Steve?" Mrs. Abbott said, looking worriedly at her husband.

"I'll check the men's room," Mr. Abbott said.

He walked swiftly across the lobby into the men's room and reappeared a
moment later, shaking his head.

"Where did you park your car?" he asked when he rejoined his wife.

"The parking garage," she said.

"Let's go check if it's still there," Mr. Abbott said.

"Can I help?" Jason asked, wiping his eyes on his sleeves.

"Thank you Jason, but you've just had something terrible happen.  We'll
find Brian.  You need to focus on just yourself for the moment," Mr.
Abbott said.

Just then Mrs. Abbott's cell phone rang.  She answered it, hoping it was
Brian.

"WHAT?" she shouted a moment later.

"OH NO!  IS HE ALRIGHT?" she shrieked.

"We're coming!" she said, and shut her phone off.

"He's been in an accident and they just brought him into the ER!" she
said, as she turned and started running toward the emergency room.

As, Mr. Abbott ran after his wife, Jason jumped up and said "C'mon!"

He and Dan ran after them.

                   *                   *                   *

Mrs. Abbott had to stifle a cry of horror when a nurse took her into the
room Brian was in in the Emergency Room.  He was unconscious, and covered
with blood.  There were IV's, monitors and a respirator hooked up to him.

"Good Lord!" Dan exclaimed, as he, Jason and Mr. Abbott walked in behind
her.

A doctor who was writing on a chart looked up.

"Are you his family?" he asked.

"Yes," Mr. Abbott replied.

"Your son was in a single car accident," the doctor said.  He hit a tree
pretty hard.  There were no other passengers.  It appears he has head and
neck injuries, some broken ribs, a broken right arm and hand, a broken
left hand, and his right ankle is also injured.  Of course there are
plenty of cuts and bruises as well.  It's his head and neck injuries that
are the most serious.  We still need to run some more tests though before
we know exactly what's going on.  We'll be taking him for an MRI in a few
minutes."

"Oh my baby!" Mrs. Abbott cried, walking over to the edge of the bed to
peer down at her son.

A policeman came in then, and stepped over to the doctor.  He showed him
a slip of paper.

"I see.  Thank you," the doctor said.

The policeman turned to Mr. Abbott and said, "are you Brian's family?"

"We're his parents," Mr. Abbott said.

"I'm sorry, I know you must be upset as it is, but, we found this in your
son's wallet," he said, handing Mr. Abbott the same slip of paper he'd
just shown the doctor.

Mr. and Mrs. Abbott both looked at the paper.

"NO!" Mrs. Abbott cried, and she turned into her husband's arms and began
weeping.

Mr. Abbott's eyes filled with tears too, as he turned to Jason and handed
him the piece of paper.  Jason and Dan looked at it together.  It was a
short note Brian had written.

"Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry, but I can't live with myself after what I did to Luke!  I
loved him, and I'm the reason he's dead!  I just want to be dead now
too!  I love you both, and I'm sorry if this hurts you.  Good-bye.
Brian"

"Shit!" Jason said, as his eyes watered.

"I'm so sorry," Jason said, handing the note back to Mr. Abbott.  "He
shouldn't blame himself, nobody else is."

"Thank you," Mr. Abbott said, sniffling a little.

"Can I do anything?" Jason asked.

"Good grief no Jason!  You just lost your brother.  You need to be with
your family now.  We'll take care of Brian," Mr. Abbott said.

The policeman cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him.

"Can someone please tell me who this 'Luke' was, whose death your son is
blaming himself for?" he asked.

Jason tried to speak, but welled up with tears again.

"Luke was Jason here's brother, and Brian's best friend.  He just died a
little while ago in surgery for an injury he sustained in an accident a
year ago.  Brian was the driver, and blames himself for Luke's injuries,"
Mr. Abbott said.

"I see," said the officer.  He turned to Jason and added, "I'm very sorry
about your brother."

Jason sniffled and nodded.

The policeman looked back at Mr. Abbott and said, "I think you should
also know that according to a couple of people who witnessed what
happened today, apparently a dog ran in front of the car as your son was
driving directly toward the tree.  He swerved left to avoid hitting the
dog, and only the right front portion of the car hit the tree.  If it
hadn't been for the dog, things might have been much worse!" the
policeman said.

"Oh God!" Mrs. Abbott said.

After a moment, Mr. Abbott asked "Is the dog OK?"

The policeman smiled slightly and said "he's fine."

"Well, that's good, I guess," Mr. Abbott said.

"I'm sorry about what's happened.  I have to be going now, but if I can
be of any assistance, call me," the policeman said.  "I'm Officer Stone.
Burlington P.D."

"Thank you Officer," Mr. Abbott said.

Officer Stone left then.

"Jason, I don't mean to try and push you away, but we have things under
control here, and I think your parents will be needing you," Mr. Abbott
said.

"I suppose," Jason said.  "Call me if you need anything, and please let
us know how Brian's doing.  And, tell him we don't blame him for Luke."

"Thank you Jason," Mr. Abbott said.  "We'll be in touch with you later or
tomorrow."

"OK, Good-bye," Jason said.

Jason and Dan left then and went back to the hospital's lobby to find Mr.
and Mrs. Anderson.  They were sitting next to each other on a couch.
Mrs. Anderson was weeping quietly.  Mr. Anderson's eyes were red and
swollen, as if he'd been crying, but his face was dry now.

Jason told them what had happened with Brian.  Mr. Anderson didn't say
anything, but Mrs. Anderson wept harder at the news.

After a few minutes, they all left the hospital.  Jason drove himself and
his parents home, while Dan followed them in his rental car.

                  *                   *                   *

"I should change Luke's sheets, so you have someplace to sleep," Mrs.
Anderson said, tearfully to Dan, when they got home.

"NO!" Jason said, somewhat hostilely.  "He can bunk with me.  Nobody's
using Luke's room!"

Mrs. Anderson looked a little bewildered at Jason's outburst.

"Um, please don't go to any trouble Mrs. Anderson," Dan said.  "Like
Jason said, I can bunk in with him."

"If you're sure," Mrs. Anderson said.

"That'll be fine Maam," Dan said.

Mrs. Anderson excused herself and went to her room then.

Mr. Anderson didn't hear any of the conversation, he'd walked directly
into the little bar in the corner of the livingroom and poured himself a
huge glass of bourbon.  As Jason and Dan went upstairs, they saw him
settling down on the couch with the bottle on the table next to him.

                 *                  *                    *

It was quiet at the Anderson house that night.

Marge put on a night gown, took a couple of sleeping pills and went to
bed as soon as they got home.  She lay in bed sobbing after that, until
eventually she fell asleep.

Herb sat in the livingroom staring emptily into space, drinking his
bourbon.  When his glass was empty, he poured himself another, then later
another, and yet another.  He kept drinking until eventually the glass
slid out of his hand, spilling the last bit of his bourbon on the couch,
staining it.  Herb didn't notice, as he'd passed out.  He lay, leaning on
the arm of the couch for the rest of the night.

Up in Jason's room, Jason and Dan talked for a while.  Jason cried as he
told Dan about the last few days.  He stopped short of telling Dan about
his and Luke's last night in bed together though, although the memories
of their lovemaking kept creeping back into his brain, causing him to cry
even more.

Eventually, Dan suggested that if Jason wanted to, maybe it would help if
they had sex.  He thought maybe it would help relax Jason's body.

"My brother just died!" Jason said, looking at Dan with a hurt look.

"I know Jason, but I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't want
y'all to be celebate because of that!  He'd tell ya he was gonna kick yer
ass if'n ya'll didn' start takin' yer clothes off when someone was
offerin' sex!" Dan drawled, smiling ruefully at Jason.

Jason looked at Dan and thought for a moment about what he'd said, then a
tiny smile creeped across his lips and he started taking off his
T-shirt.  He couldn't stop himself from thinking about Luke and missing
him, but he knew what Dan had said was true.  Luke would've wanted him to
jump at a chance to have sex with Dan.

Dan smiled a little more broadly when he saw Jason starting to disrobe,
and he stood up and started stripping too.

Within a minute, both men were completely naked.  Jason strode across the
room with his semi-hardon wagging up and down in front of him, and turned
the lock on the door.

"I doubt anyone will bother us tonight, but why take chances," Jason
said, turning around to face Dan.

Both men stared at each other a moment, and watched as each other's dicks
became fully engorged.

"Y'all sure do look good Jase!" Dan said, smiling.

"You do too," Jason said, as he felt his heart begin racing at the
thought of making love with Dan.

"C'm'ere," Dan said, holding out his hand to Jason.

Jason reached for Dan's hand.  Dan took it in his and pulled Jason to
him.  He drew Jason into a hug.  The two naked men embraced, as their
erections pressed into each other's abdomens.

They kissed a while, then, while their lips were still locked, Dan
pivoted on his feet, so that Jason's back was facing the bed.  He pushed
Jason backwards, down onto the bed.  Then, he quickly sprawled on top of
Jason, continuing to kiss him.

Eventually, Dan broke their kiss.  At the same time, he leaned forward a
little and began nibbling at Jason's earlobe.  He licked around the
inside of Jason's ear, and then down the side of his neck, and up over
his adam's apple.

Leaning back a little, Dan licked down Jason's neck and over to his left
nipple.  He licked around it in a circle, then sucked it into his mouth,
as Jason gasped slightly, and tilted his head back a little, closing his
eyes.

Dan sucked on Jason's nipple for a minute then, as Jason's hard cock
danced with excitement from the thrills Dan's mouth was giving him.

Dan moved to Jason's right nipple then, and licked around it in a circle
as well, before sucking it too into his mouth.

A minute later, Dan's mouth continued on its journey down Jason's body,
pausing briefly to lick at his navel, then it followed his faint treasure
trail down to his thick pubic bush.  The tip of Jason's dick was just
inches from Dan's mouth.  Jason could feel Dan's hot breath hitting the
underside of it, as Dan was breathing heavily.

Dan took Jason's cock, the tip of which was glistening with pre-cum,  in
his hand then and started licking the head of it.

"Mmm.  Tasty," Dan murmured, as he tasted the flavor of Jason's juice.

"Oooohhh!" Jason moaned, as Dan lowered his mouth, sucking as much of his
8" into it as possible.

Slowly and sensually, Dan began sucking up and down Jason's dick then.
Jason closed his eyes again, and tried to relax and enjoy himself.
Images of the previous night, when Luke was sucking him off, kept
invading his mind though, and his concentration was broken.

After quite a while, when Jason still hadn't cum, Dan stopped sucking on
him and asked him if he was alright.

"I'm sorry.  You're doing great!  It's just me!" he replied.

Dan thought a minute then asked "Would you rather fuck me?"

Jason looked at Dan, and said, "Maybe that would be good."

Dan straightened up then and crawled up on Jason's bed, as Jason reached
for his nightstand drawer and withdrew a tube of KY jelly.  Dan lay on
his back with his legs drawn up, exposing his asshole for Jason.  Jason
smiled slightly and got on the bed below Dan.  He squirted some lube on
his fingers and applied it to Dan's hole.

"Whoa!  That's cold!" Dan chuckled.

"Sorry," Jason said, quickly wiping it back off Dan.

"No!  Don't stop now.  Continue," Dan said.

Jason gave him a half smile and started fingering his hole again with his
lubed fingers.

"Mmmmm!" Dan moaned quietly, as Jason stuffed a finger through his anus
and shoved it slowly up inside him.

Jason finger-fucked Dan for a while, first using just his index finger,
but shortly afterward, adding his middle finger.  Eventually he added his
ring finger as well, and began shoving all three fingers in and out of
Dan, who began grunting with each inward thrust of Jason's fingers.

"Y'all can climb on anytime now," Dan said finally.

Jason smiled and squirted some more KY into his hand, which he then used
to lube his semi-erect dick.  After a few strokes, he was fully hard
again, and quite slippery.  He got into position and leaned down over
Dan, until the head of his penis was pressing gently on Dan's asshole.
Slowly he began pushing forward.  He felt the head of his dick lodge
firmly in Dan's asshole, but he also felt some resistence.  He pressed a
little harder, and suddenly Dan let out a gasp, as Jason felt his dick
slide through Dan's asshole, into his rectum.

"You OK?" Jason asked, stopping.

"Fine!  Keep going!" Dan said, grimmacing slightly.

Jason gently pushed again, and slowly his rod slid up inside Dan, all the
way to the hilt.  He stopped for a moment, so Dan could get used to his
presence.  Then, slowly, he began pulling back out of him.  When he was
almost all the way out, he pushed his way back in, all the way.

"Mmmmmm!" Dan moaned, smiling slightly, as Jason slid back into him.

Gently, Jason continued stroking in and out of Dan for a minute or so,
until Dan told him to go a little faster.

Soon Jason was long-dicking Dan at a good pace, and Dan was groaning
intermittently with pleasure.

Uncharacteristically, Jason's pleasure soared, and then ebbed as he
fucked Dan.  Each time he thought he was getting excited enough for his
orgasm to start building, images of Luke shot through his brain, and his
excitement waned.  Each time this happened, Jason began fucking Dan even
harder.  Soon, it was at a point where things seemed to be getting almost
too rough to Dan.  Knowing what Jason was going through though, he didn't
say anything, and just let Jason rut away on him.

Suddenly, Jason stopped for just a moment and shifted positions, as his
knees had begun to hurt.  When he resumed fucking Dan, he slowed down
just a bit, much to Dan's relief.  And, much to Dan's pleasure, Jason's
dick was now rubbing his prostate gland much more than it had been.
This, combined with the slower pace, caused Dan's orgasm to build
immediately.  It wasn't too long before Dan was about to climax.

"OOOoohhhhh!" he cried out, as his orgasm suddenly seized him, and he
blasted a wad of cum through his dick that flew through the air, and
splattered against the headboard.

Feeling Dan's asshole constrict so suddenly and violently excited Jason
just enough, so that his orgasm began building then too.

"Mmmmmmm!!!" Dan groaned as he came again, coating his right cheek with
his cum, which ran down his face, and over his earlobe.

"Fuck!" Jason gasped, as he finally fired his first volley of cum deep
inside Dan's rectum.

"aahhhh!" Dan moaned, as he squirted again, hitting his right nipple and
breast.

"Awwww!!!!" Jason moaned, as he filled Dan's ass again.

                     *                *                 *

The two young men each climaxed over and over, until eventually their
orgasms ended.  When they were both finished, Jason pulled out of Dan's
hole right away, and the two used a few wads of Kleenex to clean up the
mess Dan had made, Jason's dick, and Dan's asshole.  They crawled into
bed together and rested then.  Shortly, Dan was sleeping peacefully.  Try
as he did though, Jason couldn't fall asleep.

Eventually, Jason got up and tucked Dan in.  He pulled his jeans on and
decided to go down to the kitchen for a drink.  As he passed his desk, he
saw the envelope Luke had left for him.  "Jason - Open this only if I
die" was scrawled across it in Luke's strong neat scrawl.  Tears welled
in Jason's eyes, as he picked it up.

Quietly he unlocked the door to his room and padded out into the
hallway.  Instead of going downstairs though, he turned and walked into
Luke's room.  Everything was still just as Luke had left it.  Tears
started streaming from Jason's eyes, as he looked around the room.
Eventually, he looked down at the envelope in his hands.  He wanted to
open it, yet he didn't want to.  Finally, after some time had passed, he
stuck a finger under the flap of the envelope and ripped it open.

Looking inside the envelope, Jason found more envelopes.  They were
labeled: Mom & Dad; Jason; Brian; Last Will; and Funeral Instructions.
Sniffling, Jason set aside the envelopes for his parents and Brian.

He opened the envelope labeled "Last Will" and read it.  Luke had written
the will himself and signed it the night before.  In it he left the money
in his bank accounts and his bonds to his parents.  He left a few
personal items to Brian, and the balance of his personal belongings to
Jason.

Jason opened the envelope labeled "Funeral Instructions" next, and read
them.  Luke had written this the previous evening as well.  It started
out with "Jase - will you please handle this so Mommy and Dad don't have
to!"  Jason snuffled as he read through the list of requests his brother
had made for his funeral arrangements and burial.  By the time he'd
finished reading them all, he was having a hard time fighting back his
tears.

Jason set Luke's will and funeral instructions on his desk.  All that
remained for him to open was the envelope addressed to him.

Sniffling, Jason took the envelope and walked over to Luke's bed.  He
stripped off his jeans and crawled into Luke's bed.  He smiled ruefully
as he noticed some of his brother's cum stains on the sheets.  When he
caught a whiff of Luke's scent yet though, he began crying again.  He
buried his face in Luke's pillow then and tried to breathe in deeply
through his nose, as if smelling Luke as much as possible would bring him
back.

Eventually, Jason stopped crying.  He turned over and lay on his back and
picked up the envelope addressed to him.  He stared at it a moment, then
finally he quickly slit it open and pulled out the folded sheet of paper
inside.  He unfolded the sheet and found a letter from his brother to
him, dated the previous evening.

"Shit!  He must've written this just before he came to my room!" Jason
thought.

He finally looked at the page and read his brother's words to him.

"Jason,

I hardly know where to begin.  Unless you broke your promise to me to
only open the envelope if I die, then I'm dead as you read this.  Kinda
freaky isn't it?  I'm dead and you're still hearing me tell you something
for the first time.

If I do die tomorrow, it'll suck, but, in a way, it'll really be alright
too.  OK, don't get me wrong, I want to live.  What I mean is, if I do
die, at least I've lived my life fully, and enjoyed most of it.  Sure, I
always thought I'd like to have kids, and I won't have done that, but...
if things stayed the way they were, I most likely wouldn't be having any
anyway.  You know why.

So please don't grieve for me, because you think I've missed out on so
much.  I really haven't.  I've been most fortunate in my life to have
great parents, even Dad - lol.  Most of all though, I owe most of my
happiness to you - the best big brother a guy could ever hope to have!  I
can't begin to tell you how much you mean to me Jason!  I love you more
than most anyone in the world.  You've always been there for me.  You
always treated me well, and were never mean to me, even when I was a
royal pain in your ass.  You've always amazed me.  It's you who I've
idolized and worshipped for all these years!  Why I was the lucky guy to
get to have you as my big brother, I'll never know, but I sure am
grateful!  I love you so much Jason.  And I want to thank you for all the
great things you've done for me throughout my life.  You made my life
worth living, and you're the biggest reason I feel like I've had a full
and happy lifetime already.  If I die, I'm sure going to miss you!

I truly believe that my spirit will somehow live on somewhere.  If it
does, you can be assured, that most of my time, I'll be with you!  Sorry,
but some of it I'll be with Brian too.  I do have pretty deep feelings
for him too you know. *grins*  Anyway, you don't have to feel like you're
ever alone.  Just talk to me, and I'll be there, right along with you.
Just be careful not to talk to me in public, or they'll think you're
crazy!  lol  Just know that when you feel the warmth of the sun on your
face, or a warm breezing blowing at you, that's me!  I'll always be with
you!

I do want to ask you one favor yet.  After I'm gone, please take care of
Brian for me.  I do love him.  He's a great guy.  I'm afraid that he's
still feeling pretty guilty about the accident last year yet.  Please
make sure he's OK, and let him know you don't blame him for what
happened.  I've already told him I don't.  He'll need a friend though,
and I can't think of a better one than you!

Hmmm... since I'm obviously dead, and Dan's out of the picture now too
(sorry - I know you're hurting because of that yet), maybe you and Brian
can spend some time together!  He is hot! *winks*  I think it'd be great
if you were there for each other, and ... if anything "happens", all the
better!  Go for it!  (and you can tell Bri I said this)

OK, I guess that's all I have to say.  Probably remember something else
after I'm dead, but it'll be too late then!  lol  Sorry - I know if I'm
dead, you're upset - but Jase - ya gotta look for the humor in
everything!  Someday - if you re-read this, I bet you'll chuckle.  It's
OK, I'll be laughing along with you.

Seriously.  Thank you so much for everything you've done for me during my
life.  You're the best brother in the world, and I love you more than I
can ever express in this letter.  I've often wished I could show you in
another way how much I love you.... yeah... you know what I'm saying...
but, I was never sure what you'd think about that.  Just know that I love
you in everyway possible, as much as possible, and I always will!

Your brother,
Luke

PS - I'd rather you not show this to anyone - it's personal - just
between us.  OK?   .... if someone sees it though - I won't be mad at
you!  I just hope they don't."

Jason was sobbing harder than he'd ever cried in his life before by the
time he finished reading Luke's letter.  Weeping pitifully, he folded the
letter and stuffed it into its envelope.  Then, he turned onto his side,
turned out the light, and buried his face in Luke's pillow and cried for
a long time, until finally, mercifully, he fell asleep...

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The next chapter in this series will be published shortly.

btw - I hope that all of you have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and
healthy New Year!