Date: Fri, 30 Apr 2010 20:07:17 EDT
From: Bwstories8@aol.com
Subject: Castaway Hotel: Grand Reopening - Book 6, Background and chapters 1 - 2

Castaway Hotel -- Grand Reopening -- Book 6 by BW     
Copyright 2009 by billwstories
Chapter 1 -- Special Events.                    

**Author's Note:** Please read the disclaimer in Chapter 00 before you read
this.

To say I felt relieved would have been a vast understatement.  It was more
than I could ever have hoped for.  After hearing Graham's description of
the people Brent brought through with him and his explanation that they
were here to show their support for my new family made me feel as if a huge
weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I know it may sound strange that I had even been concerned about such
things, but I must admit I had worried for quite some time about what my
wife might think of my activities since she'd passed.  I guess it would not
have been a problem if I didn't believe in God and a life after death, but
that was only a small drawback, considering all the solace my beliefs had
given me over the years.

Of course, my concerns surfaced only after Graham experienced his first
series of visions.  Once he told me about those experiences, I was forced
to consider the implications they presented.  Now that I had proof the dead
were cognizant of what was happening to us, I was convinced my wife was
aware of what I was up to.  This, in turn, made me wonder if she would be
able to understand why I was taking on so much responsibility and starting
a whole new family.  I mean, how could she?  It was the total opposite of
what we'd anticipated doing before she died.

Back then, my wife and I had been looking forward to taking early
retirement and enjoying the rest of our lives together.  We had been
planning on finally doing some of the things we had put off while the
family was growing up and anticipated using the money we had set aside to
indulge some of our frivolous whims and fantasies.  We'd made a list, which
included such items as attending the theater, symphony and art exhibits,
pursuing hobbies we hadn't had time for and taking the trips we'd only
dreamed about.  We wanted to do this before our health deteriorated, we
were too old to enjoy such things or the money ran out.

We were eagerly awaiting this chance to finally live life on our own terms
-- with no schedules, no commitments and no interruptions.  The problem
was, we ran out of time.

We hadn't even reached the point where we could opt for early retirement
when my wife suddenly, and unexpectedly, became ill.  Everything happened
so quickly that we didn't even have an opportunity to study her diagnosis
and explore our options before she passed away.  During her final days, we
commiserated about the lost possibilities and the fact that we never got
the chance to put our thoughts into actions.

Maybe it was due to what happened to her, and how quickly it progressed,
that fueled my obsession over how she might feel about what I was doing.
How would she react to my taking in more young men, adding more
responsibility to my life and tying myself down by committing to care for
my new sons until they were also self- sufficient?  These, however, weren't
the only issues troubling me.

In addition to the boys, I was also wondering how she would interpret my
relationship with Jake.  I feared she would be confused by it and wouldn't
approve.  She might even look at my partnership with him as a betrayal of
our marriage.  However, if what Graham reported was accurate, my concerns
had been misplaced.

I can't tell you how much it meant for me to hear him tell how she held out
a bouquet of roses and later gave a double thumbs-up to show her approval.
Those simple signs finally relieved the guilt I harbored about her feeling
I had made a mockery of our marriage.  I was no longer concerned that she
considered our years together to have been a sham or that I had tarnished
her memory by my actions.  Now that I knew she saw what I was doing in a
positive light, I could put everything else behind me - forever.

Even better than getting her approval, there was an added bonus.  All of
the boys' parents that had previously passed on had also appeared to
support us and give their blessings as well.  That meant those boys were
now also relieved of any guilt they had been feeling about betraying their
parents' love and devotion by also loving me.  It was an amazing catharsis
for those involved and this allowed us to move on with a clear conscience.

A couple of days later, it was time for me to turn the page on the
calendar, as another month came to an end.  It's not that this was a major
or dramatic event, but I wouldn't call it a normal transition from one
month to the next either.  Before it even had a chance to get started, July
was already showing signs of being anything but a typical month, at least
for me.

The biggest reason for this was due to the fact that various members of my
brood would not be with us for a time, because they were heading out in
different directions.  Ricky was already residing in Australia as an
exchange student and would be there for eight months.  Brandon and Nick
were also away for a few weeks, while they spent time with their parents.
However, it didn't end there.

Shortly after Brandon and Nick were scheduled to return, near the end of
the summer, it would then be time for Brandon, Danny and Kevin to leave for
their freshman year at college.  At the same time, Dustin and Frankie would
be returning for their final year at the two-year colleges they attended.
All in all, it meant six of the boys (the five in college and Ricky) would
be away from home, for varying amounts of time, and I was already starting
to feel apprehensive about being separated from them.

More than a third of those who had been living in my home, six of the
sixteen young men, would be gone during the school year and then it
suddenly struck me.  This number would continue to increase every year from
here on, which ignited more than a few anxious moments for me.  The anxiety
then turned into depression and that's when I concluded I would have to
distract myself from dwelling on such somber thoughts, before they totally
consumed me.

Hoping it would keep me from dwelling on the inevitable, I threw myself
into preparing for the arrival of Nigel and his family.  And if that wasn't
enough, I also immersed myself in my position as acting superintendent for
the local school district.  I was trying, almost single-handedly, to take
over the process of hiring someone to replace me on a permanent basis.

Now, this might sound strange, and I'm sure some of you are thinking it's
illogical for me to try to get rid of my job when I was using it to keep
from dwelling on my depression.  In fact, you might be correct.  It is
possible that I'm merely focusing on the short term or even subconsciously
thinking that by the time the job is filled I will be able to accept the
boys moving on.

Let's face it, this isn't the first time I've had to do adjust to my
children moving on, but this time it was different.  Although I went
through a similar situation when my biological children were leaving home
and going off on their own, I was younger then and it didn't affect me as
deeply.  Possibly, that was due in part to the fact that my wife was there
to share my feelings and commiserate with me about what we were facing.  I
guess I could probably do the same thing with Jake, but I doubt he'll be
able to appreciate how I'm feeling until Shannon is going off without him.

I must admit I'm not even sure about my own reasoning, but I suspect you
can now appreciate my reactions, even if you don't understand them.  Either
way, I think you should now be able to see why this summer is so unusual
for me and didn't look as if it was going to settle down anytime soon.

As it turned out, the commitment required to carry out my role as acting
superintendent didn't leave me any time to think about the issues that were
troubling me.  Instead, I focused solely on the job and pushed all other
concerns from my mind and, hopefully, I'll be better able to deal with them
if they resurface again later.

Even though I wasn't dwelling upon the fact the boys were becoming
independent, I didn't avoid them or let it affect our relationship.  I
tried to carry on normally at home and even kept in touch with Brandon and
Nick while they were away.  However, this eventually presented a new
problem for me to deal with, when it became apparent the latter pair was
aggressively trying to alter the vacation plans I had worked so hard to
arrange for them.

Originally, both boys were going to spend most of June and all of July with
their folks, but now they wanted to cut their visits short.  The reason for
this was that neither wanted to miss out on the visit from Nigel's family.
Immediately after arriving at their parents' homes, both boys began working
on getting their parents to allow them to change the length of their stay.

Nick and Brandon began by explaining how they were worried they'd miss out
on much of the fun with Nigel and his boys and weren't certain when we'd
see them again.  Nigel and his crew were scheduled to arrive around
mid-July and then leave by mid-August.  If things remained unchanged,
Brandon and Nick would miss the first half of their stay, but would return
in time for their final two weeks.

Knowing this, they each spent some of their time at home whining, begging
and rehashing the situation, hoping it would convince their folks to let
them come back by the middle of July.  That way, they'd be able to enjoy
their time with their families and still get back early enough to spend the
entire visit with their friends from across the sea.

After hearing what they were up to, it put me in a tough spot.  I had gone
out of my way to make sure each of them returned to their own homes for the
summer, but not just to get rid of them.  I did it because I knew their
parents needed some time with them too, but I should have had the foresight
to anticipate such problems.

Without considering these issues or giving it a second thought, I had
arranged for Brandon and Nick's families to plan their vacations around the
times their sons would be home.  I also suggested they keep their weekends
free as well, so they'd be able to spend even more time with their sons
after they had used up their vacation days and had to return to work.  Once
the Lawrences, O'Haras and I had reached a consensus, I finalized
arrangements for the boys' flights home.

At first it didn't dawn on me that this pair might prefer spending time
with the Barstows, instead of with their folks, but they soon made it known
that was exactly how they felt.  Even though I tried to reassure them I had
planned the special, and more memorable, events with our guests for the
final two weeks of their stay, it didn't placate either boy.

I must admit this situation hadn't come as a total surprise to either the
Lawrences or the O'Haras.  Fortunately, I had a moment of clarity on the
drive to the airport and recognized the potential for a problem.  At the
time, I was mentally going over the various arrangements I had made for the
Barstow clan, when I began to suspect the timing might create problems.

Even though it was too late for me to do anything about it, I did want to
make both families aware of this situation.  When I called to let them know
their sons' plane was in the air and the boys were on the way, I also
warned them about the scheduling conflict.  I felt this would be sufficient
to prepare them to deal with the situation, when and if it arose.  Both
families thanked me for the heads-up and confirmed they understood why the
boys might feel bad about missing out on part of the visit.  They then said
they would deal with it, if the boys brought it up.

Since their sons had now made it painfully obvious they weren't entirely
happy about being away when our guests from England arrived, the adults
began to concede a change in plans was inevitable.  They'd already
concluded their sons would make their lives miserable during that time, if
they thought they were being deprived of participating in events more to
their liking, so the Lawrences and O'Haras proposed a compromise.  As long
as the boys would agree to give them their full cooperation and attention
while they were there, their parents would let them go back early, so they
wouldn't miss out on anything.

Thinking back upon some of the comments the Lawrences and O'Haras made when
they called to tell me about their agreement, I suspected they might have
also been a little relieved.  Since they had taken their vacations at
either the end of June or early July, they might have been worried they'd
run out of things to do before their sons returned to Pennsylvania.  So, in
one way this eliminated that worry and allowed them to cram the activities
they had envisioned into a shorter time frame.  This would make it seem
like they actually did more, since there would be less down time, and the
boys would be satisfied and have less chance of becoming bored.

After this had been agreed to, the boys concluded it had been due to their
powers of persuasion.  No one told them I had been working quietly on their
behalf. behind the scenes, but either way, everyone was satisfied with the
arrangements.

Part of the new conditions were that both sets of parents would come to
join us at Thanksgiving and again at Christmas, so they wouldn't be apart
from their sons for too long.  I also promised to make sure they got to
spend quality time alone with their sons during those visits as well, to
rectify the sacrifice they were making now.  Since everyone was amicable
with the arrangements, we could finally put this behind us and enjoy the
rest of our summer.

Since the month of July had now officially started, the first event on our
calendar was Independence Day.  Usually, this would be special enough, but
this year the day would have added meaning.  It would be the first Fourth
of July since the World Trade Center had been destroyed, so I assumed the
patriotic fervor would run unbelievably high.

It isn't difficult to think back to a time when waving the American flag or
professing your support of the government was looked upon with disgust.
Not only that, but being a member of the armed forces was something you
didn't necessarily want to flaunt, yet all of that changed on September 11,
2001.  That's why this year's events would be dramatically different than
those held in the past.

It had already been widely publicized that local members of the armed
forces and their parents, spouses and children would be highly visible
during this year's formal ceremony.  Along with the military presence,
there would also be a multitude of American flags and other patriotic
memorabilia, as well as some specially designed activities.  At least to
me, it sounded like fun.

Although I was fairly certain the boys were looking forward to attending
these events as a family, I soon discovered there would be an added bonus.
It came about when Mark asked if his girlfriend and he could join us.  He
wanted us to get to know each other better and thought this would be the
perfect time, so I happily agreed.  I then informed each of the boys that I
expected them to be on their best behavior, so we didn't scare Mark's
girlfriend off the first time she was with us, and they all promised to
behave.  This didn't come as a surprise to me, since I suspected they
would, at least after I brought it to their attention.

In addition to Mark and his girlfriend, the Shays, Spences, Curtises (Jay's
parents) and Sally were also going to join us, but the Beckers had opted to
attend a big community picnic their friends and neighbors were having.  We
told them we understood, but would miss them nonetheless, and wished them
an enjoyable time.

Our day began with the annual Fourth of July parade, but this year it was
much larger than any in recent memory.  Our local high school band took
part, along with bands from several smaller surrounding communities and a
fife and drum group.  There were also representatives from the VFW and
American Legion, local members of the armed forces that happened to be home
on leave or the family members of those that were currently stationed
elsewhere, a few military vehicles, a multitude of homemade floats and an
assortment of classic cars filled with parade organizers and local
political dignitaries.

It was very reminiscent of the parades I had seen as a boy, not the big
fancy extravaganzas you see at Disneyland, or anything like the Macy's
Thanksgiving or football bowl parades.  This was the basic, small-town,
down-home variety, but with an added patriotic zing that had been created
by recent events.  This parade was charged with an electricity and
excitement that probably hasn't existed since the periods during and after
World War II or the Korean Conflict.  At various times, I got goose bumps
or felt chills run up and down my spine, as I watched both those
participating in the parade and the other spectators.

When the parade ended, everyone went to the high school football stadium,
to watch the various bands and the American Legion rifle group perform.
Once they finished, we listened to a couple of speakers, followed by each
band playing a special patriotic song.  When each group's selection was
announced, the crowd was urged to sing along, as a way of saluting the
birth of our nation.

Amazingly, nearly everyone participated, including those who couldn't carry
a tune, and the performances soon grew very emotional.  During the
remainder of the morning, we belted out our interpretation of 'God Bless
American,' 'American the Beautiful,' 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic' and
'The Star Spangled Banner.' As the somewhat harmonic voices of my family
and our friends wafted through the air, I, along with the many others in
attendance, contemplated when the world, and our own lives, might return to
a more carefree and less troubled existence.

Once all of the other activities concluded, the carnival-type festivities
were declared open and the crowd began to mill around the various booths
that surrounded the field, to check things out.  There were numerous rides
and activities for the kids, some being the typical things you'd expect to
see at a modern carnival, but others were reminiscent of a Fourth of July
celebration from the past.  A traveling carnival group had been invited to
set up their rides and games of chance for everyone, but various community
groups added their own touches and provided these more historic offerings.

First, a couple of local farmers brought in several of their horses to take
kids on short rides, while the VFW manned a dunking booth.  Members of that
organization took turns and braved the accuracy of those throwing baseballs
at a triggering panel.  When hit, the seated volunteer would drop into a
tank and end up treading water for a while.

In addition to those activities, the American Legion had set up an old
fashion wooden stock, where they placed members of their group.  They then
sold tickets that allowed kids, and others, to throw water balloons at the
'victims.'  The youthful participants were told that rotten tomatoes or
other uneatable foods would have been used instead of the water balloons
when this type of punishment had actually been used, in colonial times.
The kids seemed to enjoy this activity, even the older ones, but there was
still much more being offered.

As acting Superintendent of the local school district, I had talked some of
the other administrators and teachers into joining me in another fund
raising activity.  We allowed the kids, or anyone else willing to pay for
the privilege, to throw whipped creamed pies at us, as we placed our heads
through the openings in a sheet of plywood.  The plywood was painted to
represent several amusing caricatures (such as a circus weightlifter, the
circus fat lady, a stern schoolmarm and a clown), and when we put our head
through one of the holes, we became the face of that comical character.

Our activity seemed to be especially popular and the local student body
took a great deal of satisfaction in smearing a teacher, principal or even
me with whipped cream.  Maybe this, or something similar, was a fantasy
they had secretly hoped to be able to act upon some day, but no matter the
reason for our success, the money came pouring in.

Everything that was earned from the community booths, as well as a
percentage of the ticket and refreshment prices, was being donated to a
worthy cause.  In fact, that played a big part in the reason all of these
groups had gone to so much trouble to have their own booths.  The money we
raised was being given to the emergency relief fund of the American Red
Cross, to be used for future emergencies, regardless of whether they were
natural disasters or acts of terrorism.

In addition to the games and rides, there were also numerous tents set up
that contained a wide variety of food and drinks.  Each tent basically had
its own international theme, so there was something for nearly everyone.

The first tent was serving Italian delights, like pasta, pizza, sausage and
peppers, Italian cookies and Italian Ices.  Next to it was the Polish tent,
which served pierogies (a semi-circular dough envelope stuffed with either
potato and cheese or cabbage filling), Golabki (cabbage rolls) and kielbasa
(Polish sausage).

On the other side of that tent was another one with Greek goodies, such as
Gyros (meat roasted on a vertically turning spit and served with sauce,
often tzatziki, and garnished with tomatoes and onions, on pita bread)
Moussaka (an eggplant casserole), a Greek Salad (with grape leaves and feta
cheese) and, of course, Baklava (a Turkish pastry made with nuts and honey,
which has also become associated with the Greeks).

The final tent in that group was filled with Chineese treats, such as sweet
and sour chicken or pork, sesame chicken (served in a reddish sauce with
toasted sesame seeds), Hunan beef or chicken (a spicy dish fixed with hot
peppers) and egg rolls.  There was also a choice of chicken, pork, beef or
vegetable fried rice or lo mein (long, thin noodles that is purported to be
the origin for spaghetti) and every order was served with a fortune cookie.

In addition to the international offerings, there was another tent set up
across from those tents that served the typical American summertime
offerings, such as hot dogs, hamburgers and barbecued chicken.  These items
could be served with potato or macaroni salad or corn on the cob.  This
tent also offered fresh watermelon, honeydew and cantaloupe, and it could
all be washed down with homemade lemonade.

The final tent was loaded with a variety of treats, such as ice cream,
cotton candy and snow cones, as well as candy and caramel apples.  It also
sold soda, coffee, iced tea and bottled water.  After looking at the total
selection being offered, we thought we had something for everyone, at least
where the food was concerned.

As lunchtime approached, I gave each of the boys some money and let him get
what he wanted, and then we all went off to find a place where we could eat
together, as a family.  We found a nice, semi-quiet spot off to one side of
the grounds, so we spread out a few blankets the boys had retrieved from
the van and sat down to enjoy what we had purchased.

While we ate, we talked to Mark's girlfriend and I soon discovered she was
not only a very interesting person, but also someone I had known
previously, yet had forgotten.  To my extreme embarrassment, she quickly
reminded me she had attended my middle school for a period of time.  Her
family had moved into the district just before the start of her seventh
grade year, so she spent that year and the next in my building.

After some polite prodding from her, I finally remembered Amy was a very
quiet young thing, who stayed mostly to herself and was very studious.
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to know her very well, so this was my
opportunity to make up for that oversight.

She was very kind and didn't make a big deal about my lack of memory.  In
fact, she even told me she had enjoyed her time at my school.  Amy was not
only kind, but also extremely sweet, so I could see why Mark was taken with
her.  She was certainly his intellectual equal, plus they complemented each
other in the looks department as well, with Mark's coloring being so dark
and hers so light.  Their personalities also seemed to mesh, so I thought
they had a great chance of making it as a couple.

In addition to all of her other positive attributes, Amy also seemed to get
along very well with the rest of the boys and had no trouble with seeing
some of them as couples.  I learned later that Mark had prepared her for
this, and possibly that accounted for why she seemed so comfortable with
the situation, but no matter the reason, the boys were pleased by her open
and accepting nature.  All of them hit it off really well, but she took a
special interest in Andrew, possibly because he was the youngest and
smallest.  Amy babied and pampered him whenever she could, much to Andrew's
enjoyment and Mark's delight, so I knew she would fit in nicely, if she
joined us on some of our other outings.

The rest of the day went by quickly, with everyone having a good time and
enjoying this unique celebration, which continued through the afternoon and
into the early evening.  Even before the sun began to set, Andrew let
everyone know he was eager for it to get dark, so the long awaited
fireworks would begin.  This year it would not only include a very
elaborate array of aerial treats, but there would also be some very special
ground displays.

Shortly after the last rays of sunlight had disappeared, the show started
and the only sounds that could be heard, other than the fireworks, were the
gratified gasps of the spectators.  For nearly the next half-hour, the sky
was filled with colorful streaks of light, which were accompanied by the
loud booms and following shockwaves from those exploding attractions.

When the aerial show concluded, the ground displays began to light up.
They had been set up on a small hillside, so they were elevated enough for
everyone to see, and now the crowd stared in that direction as they were
set off, one at a time.

The first of these displays was an American flag, the second an outline of
the three Revolutionary War soldiers that had become so familiar to us
(with one playing a fife, another a drum and the last carrying a flag), and
the next the outline of the famous scene from World War II, with the
marines raising the American flag on Iwo Jima.  The final ground display
was a message, 'God Bless America,' and then the air was once again filled
with more rockets, which comprised the finale.

My family, including our friends and guests, sat transfixed throughout this
wonderful show.  Once the last of the aerial delights had exploded and the
crowd was thanked for attending, we got up, said our farewells to Mark's
girlfriend, our extended family and some of the others seated around us,
and then got ready to go home after a long day.

Since everyone was so tired, the boys rushed through their showers and
raced off to bed, knowing they still had tomorrow to do whatever else they
wanted.  Jake and I turned in as well, although we took a slight detour
along the way, by paying special attention to each other's needs, before we
drifted off.



Castaway Hotel -- Grand Reopening -- Book 6 by BW                    
Copyright 2009 by billwstories
Chapter 2 -- Smooth sailing?                  

Ricky's birthday was a few days later and I wasn't about to let it pass
without doing something special.  With that in mind, I rounded up the
family before I called him, because I wanted to make sure everyone got a
chance to speak with him before I hung up.  This would not only give each
of them a chance to wish him well on his very special day, but it would
also let Ricky know we hadn't forgotten about him.  I felt that was as
important as acknowledging his special day.

Even though Ricky's birthday is on July 7th, we had to call him on the
afternoon of July 6th, to compensate for the difference in time zones.
Australia is fifteen hours ahead of us, so it was already the next day
there and I certainly didn't want this to be a belated celebration.

Ricky's host mother answered the phone on the third ring and I chatted
briefly with her, before she called Ricky to take the call.  As soon as he
said 'hello,' we all began singing 'Happy Birthday' to him and most of us
even managed to stay in key.  I think he was moved by this simple act, even
if it wasn't a stunning performance, because he seemed to be a little
choked up as he began to speak.  After thanking us for calling and not
forgetting his birthday, he hesitated again, as he fought to control his
emotions.

Once he'd regained his composure, Ricky announced he had received his gifts
and loved each of them.  I told him we hadn't sent very much and he would
receive the rest of his presents when he returned home, but he said he was
satisfied with what he had already been given.  All we had sent him was
some new clothes, a couple of CD's his brothers thought he'd like and a
note that I had transferred more money into his bank account there.  Well,
there was also a little added surprise tucked in with everything else.

While I was trying to think of something meaningful I could include for
him, I had an inspiration.  I decided to send a camcorder as one of his
gifts, which would compliment the digital camera he had taken with him when
he left.  This way he could record the events of his trip to Australia two
ways.  He would be able to use the pictures and videos later, to remind him
of this experience and allow him to relive these precious memories again.
It could lead to many hours of reminiscing about this unique opportunity in
his life and he would come to appreciate that immensely, whether he knew
that now or not.

In addition to what we sent specifically for him, his package also
contained the items he had requested for Peter.  Although he had only asked
me to send some underwear for his host-brother, as Peter seemed to think
the ones from the States were softer and felt better when he put them on, I
included a bit more than that.  I ended up sending him a couple of packages
of colored briefs, a package of boxer briefs and several pairs of boxers,
all in Peter's size.

Ricky told us Peter was thrilled when he saw how much we had included for
him and was extremely pleased by the assortment.  Ricky even allowed Peter
get on the phone to chat with us and he thanked us personally for his
presents.  Since he was on the speakerphone, we could all hear what he had
to say at the same time and I think we were all fascinated by this young
imp.  The boys and I all thought his accent was precious, and we could have
listened to him for hours, if Peter hadn't insisted this was costing me too
much and Ricky should be doing most of the talking, since it was his
birthday.  After thanking us once more, he handed the phone back to Ricky,
so we could finish our conversation.

Once he got back on the line, my blond angel and I discussed the items I
was having delivered to his host family's home a little later, as tokens of
appreciation from our family to theirs.  Ricky was a little surprised when
I told him what I planned to do, but said he thought the items would be
perfect.  I advised him I'd order them from an Australian company, to avoid
any problems with compatibility and functionality, and have them delivered
as soon as possible.  He thanked me for doing so much and then the boys all
screamed happy birthday to him one more time, before they left the room.

Once we were alone, I told him I wanted him to call or email me after the
gifts to his host-family were delivered, so I could learn how they were
received.  He said he would and I knew he wouldn't forget, because he was
as excited about this as I was.  Before I hung up, I told Ricky I loved and
missed him once more, after which he added his own response.

"I know you do, Dad, and I love and miss you too -- more than you'll ever
know."  Damn, he still knows how to pluck at my heartstrings.

After I got off the phone with Ricky, my three student drivers began
bugging me to take them out for another lesson.  I really hadn't planned on
doing this, but agreed to take them to the school parking area and let them
practice driving around the empty lot.  Since the 4-Runner was in already
in use, we had no choice but to use the Grand Am for this lesson.

Of course, Nick wanted to go first, as he always did, and since I had made
him wait the last two times we practiced, I allowed him to switch places
with me now.  Nick actually handled the situation very well and did
everything I requested from him.  He even kept his aggressiveness in check
when I asked him to practice making a hard turn, like he was trying to
prevent having an accident.

We did this several times, with me pointing and shouting when I wanted him
to pretend he was avoiding a car that was backing out, or swerving away
from a child or pet that was darting into the roadway.  I also had him
brake hard a couple of times, to practice his emergency stops, because I
wanted each of the boys to realize how far the car actually travels, even
after the brakes are applied.  Once Nick had finished his turn, I let
Vinnie change places with him.

As a general rule, Vinnie showed a good mixture of aggressiveness and
restraint in his driving, just like he did with most things in life, but
today this was not the case.  The first time I asked him to try a sharp
swerve, to pretend he was avoiding a dangerous situation, he not only
cranked the wheel, but also gave the car more gas, which caused us to do a
360-degree spinout on the blacktop.

As this was taking place, I worried about what else might happen, but
luckily nothing did.  However, once we came to a stop, I told Vinnie to put
the Grand Am in park and then just sit still and not move, until my heart
stopped racing.  I also used the time to regain my composure and think
about how I was going to handle the situation, but Vinnie broke the silence
first.

"I'm a pretty good driver, aren't I?" he asked, much to my amazement and
shock.  I just stared at him in disbelief.

"That wasn't exactly what I was going to say," I told him, which caused him
to look startled.

"Why?  What do you mean?  I did pretty good at that, didn't I?" he asked
again.

"Vinnie, do you really think doing a doughnut would prevent an accident?" I
asked, rhetorically.  "Not only did you manage to screw up doing what I
wanted, but what you actually did was very dangerous, enormously risky and
extremely foolish.  You were more than a little out of control and I'm very
disappointed in your judgment."

Vinnie looked toward the back seat, hoping to gain support from the other
two, but they were both quiet.  It was obvious they were still shook up
from the experience, but I suspect neither of them was impressed with
Vinnie's actions either.  Trey looked like he might have crapped his pants
during the episode, while Nick was rubbing various bruised and tender body
parts.  I discovered later that Nick hadn't remembered to buckle up when he
hopped in the backseat, so he had been slammed viciously about during
Vinnie's little maneuver.

Unfortunately for Nick, his face was slammed against the back of my seat,
while his hip simultaneously banged into the armrest on the rear door, when
Vinnie first reacted.  If that wasn't bad enough, his head was then jerked
very forcefully against the window, when Vinnie accelerated and the car
spun out.  However, his getting banged up had a positive slant too, since
he also learned that utilizing his seatbelt would have prevented the
extent, and severity, of his injuries.

"Vinnie, I'd like you to switch places with Trey right now," I suggested,
with a touch of annoyance and disappointment tingeing my statement.

"Why?  I haven't had my full turn yet," he snapped back.

"Maybe not," I replied, "but I think you need to spend some time thinking
about what just happened before I let you drive again.  After Trey has had
his turn, then I'll consider giving you a second chance."

"But…" he began, before I cut him off.

"Sorry, no buts," I announced, quite sternly.  "Switch with Trey now, if
you hope to have another shot at this after he's had his turn."

Vinnie flashed me a very hostile look, to let me know he was unhappy with
my decision, but he was smart enough not to say anything more and did as I
requested.  Maybe it was due to the fact I was glaring back at him, because
I wanted him to know he had reached his limit with me for now, but he took
the hint and didn't press his luck further.  Slowly, he got out of the car
and exchanged seats with Trey.  Once they were both buckled up, I allowed
Trey to get started.

After what had just happened, my typically timid Trey was even more
restrained.  He wasn't about to do anything as reckless as what Vinnie had
just pulled, but he wasn't doing what I wanted either.  At that point, I
tried hard to encourage him to go faster than 5 m.p.h. and he did pick the
speed up a little.  However, he was still more cautious than usual, so I
made him stop too, so we could talk this over.

"Look, this lesson won't help you if you don't practice doing it at normal
speeds.  Anyone can avoid problems when they're hardly moving," I
emphasized, "but it takes skill to avoid problems when driving the speed
limit.  I just don't want you to get carried away with this, like Vinnie
did."

Vinnie started to protest from the back seat, but I held up my hand and cut
him off, before continuing with Trey.  "Do you think you can do that, or
shall we call it a day and just head home now?"

"No, I can do it.  I'll be fine," Trey assured me, before starting up
again.

This time he did much better and was getting the type of practice I wanted
him to benefit from.  He still didn't do as well as Nick had, but he kept
improving with each try.  Once he had gone through his final braking
attempt, I allowed him to switch places with Vinnie again, since I'd
decided it would probably be best to give Vinnie another chance to prove
himself.  As Vinnie slid back into the driver's seat, he looked at me, like
he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do next.

"Look, let's just forget about your earlier attempt," I offered, trying to
take the edge off of an already tense situation.  "All I ask is that you
keep yourself and the car under control this time."

"I'm sorry," he replied, sounding more humble than before.  "I was just
trying to show you I'm a good driver."

"Well, that's not what I observed," I advised him.  "What I saw was the
first indication that you can be reckless at times and that's not a good
trait for a driver… at least not a driver in my household."

He looked down at the steering wheel, instead of at me, but didn't reply
right away.  After several seconds, he finally looked up and began to
speak, but it wasn't exactly what I expected.

"I just wanted to show you that I was as good a driver as any of the
others."

"That's fine, but you won't prove it to me by pretending you're a stunt-car
driver or a crash-test dummy," I shot back.  He gave me a strange look
after I said this, but then cracked a small smile.

"Okay, so I got a little carried away," he admitted, "but I am a good
driver and I'll prove it to you."

"I hope so, but you'll only do that if you can learn to keep yourself, and
the car, under control," I reiterated.

Vinnie nodded at me, turned the key in the ignition and then pulled away
from where Trey had finished his turn.  This time he did much better than
he had on his first attempt, but there was still one thing that concerned
me.  It was his braking times.

Due to the problems with his legs, it seemed to take him a bit longer to
bring the car to a full stop than it did the others.  It wasn't that the
braking distance changed or was different for him, but it did take him a
second or two longer before he was able to bring his foot down against the
brake pedal.  Now, I had to find a tactful way to explain to him that he'd
have to leave himself more leeway for emergency situations.  Other than
that, as long as he is able to maintain his self-control, he should do
fine.

When we got back home, Nick managed to turn his retelling of Vinnie's first
attempt into a big production.  He embellished the story to the point where
the rest of us could hardly recognize what had actually happened, but did
it in a way to make it sound humorous, not life-threatening.  The other
boys were listening intently and getting a chuckle out of his rendition of
the facts.

As I glanced over at Vinnie, he seemed offended by Nick's routine, but once
he became the center of attention because of it, he began adding his own
touches to the story.  He was really enjoying his time in the spotlight and
I knew this episode would eventually become one of those tales that would
crop up again and again over the years.  It would be told at family
gatherings, including the holidays, and relived every time someone new was
introduced to Vinnie.  As I saw it, this was bound to become a staple
recollection when the boys and I reminisced about what it was like growing
up in the Currie household.

Later that evening, after things had quieted down, I took Vinnie aside.  I
wanted to calmly discuss the ramifications about what had transpired during
the practice session, while it was still fresh in his mind.

"Vinnie, I think we need to sit down for a few minutes, so we can discuss
in more detail what happened earlier."

He suddenly looked apprehensive when I mentioned this again, since he
thought I had said all I was going to say earlier.  His eyes shifted
nervously from my face to the floor, as he contemplated what I was going to
tell him.  He still nodded his head in agreement with the conditions I was
setting and allowed me to speak without interruption.  In an effort to
avoid bringing further undue embarrassment for Vinnie, I led him back to
his room, where we would be alone.

"I know, I blew it today," he admitted, as soon as the door closed.  "I'm
really sorry, but I was just trying to show you I can do most things just
as well as anyone else."  I merely looked at him and thought about my
response.

"Vinnie, you don't have to prove anything to anyone, especially me," I
informed him, in all sincerity.  "If that was what you were trying to do,
all you accomplished was alerting me to the fact that you can also be
tempted into reckless behavior at times, just like most of the others.  It
was something I didn't expect from you, since you've always shown good
restraint.  Not only that, but you also proved you are willing to sacrifice
the safety of others in an attempt to impress someone or make a point."

At this juncture, I expected him to protest, but he didn't utter a sound.
Instead, his face began to turn a nice shade of crimson, just before it
drooped toward the floor.  He stood like that for a short time, while he
also shuffled about uneasily on his feet, but then he finally spoke.

"I'm really sorry," he confessed.  "I didn't mean to do that.  It's just
that everyone looks at me and immediately sees a cripple.  Most of the
time, they just assume I can't do the things they do, so I just wanted to
show them they were wrong."

"I don't think anyone in this household views you that way," I told him, as
calmly and positively as I could, "but if they do, it is their problem, not
yours.  What I'd prefer you do is to show me you've learned how to
compensate for your limitations by making adjustments that are well thought
out, mature and responsible.  You don't have to prove yourself to anyone,
Vinnie, but acting like a jackass doesn't help your situation."

"I know you and the others don't think of me that way, but you don't know
how it feels to have people look at you and only see what's wrong with
you," he confessed, and I could tell this perceived scrutiny, whether
actual or merely imagined, hurt him deeply.

"What's worse is when they start feeling sorry for you," Vinnie continued,
"because all they can think about is all the things they believe you can't
do."

"I don't think anyone in this house or anyone who knows you well thinks
like that," I advised him.  "You've more than proven you're as capable as
anyone else, in most areas.  Hell, when I go anyplace with you, I have a
rough time just keeping up with your pace.  You speed along with those
crutches like it's some kind of a race and I almost have to run, so I don't
lose you."

He looked down again, knowing he had done this to me many times already.
Some of the boys had even told him to slow down when we were out, so I
wouldn't have a heart attack trying to keep up with him.

"But, Pop, you don't know what it's like when people only look at the
crutches and not at you," he told me again.

"The rest of us may not have any physical handicaps that stand out like
yours, but we have experienced similar situations," I explained.  "For
example, what about my heart condition?  Don't you think that has a similar
effect on people, including all of you boys, as you try to keep me from
doing many of the things I enjoy and was accustomed to doing."  Vinnie
looked up at me, with a slight expression of horror etched on his face,
when he realized he had done this to me as well.

 "I understand and appreciate everyone's concern," I added, "but it also
allows me to experience and empathize with what you're going through.  The
one difference I see is, they are not focusing on my limitations, but on my
future well-being.  That might be the case with some of the people you
mention -- maybe not all of them, but at least the ones you were trying to
impress today."

"And then there are other things that effect people's perceptions of us,
some of which you are also familiar with as well," I added.  "For example,
when people learn about someone's sexuality, they often only see that one
aspect of the individual.  It ends up shaping all of their views of him,
like nothing else matters.  That can be just as bad as them looking at your
physical handicap."

Once again he seemed to be studying our feet, as he contemplated what he
was going to say next.  "I guess," he conceded, "but I hate it when people
think I can't do things as well as them.  There might be some things I
can't do, but not as much as they think.  Really!  I can do most things as
well as anyone."

"Vinnie, you don't have to convince me.  I realize this and think almost
everyone who knows you does too," I told him, "so, you don't have to do
anything special to prove yourself to us.  What you have to do is stop
trying to impress strangers, because who cares what they think.  Those of
us who know you already realize you can do almost anything you set your
mind to, so don't worry what anyone else thinks.  Okay?

"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed, but I wasn't sure if his heart was really
into this concession.  "I guess what I did in the car wasn't really cool,
was it?"

"Well, if a tire blew or the car's weight had shifted past a certain point
while you were pulling that little stunt, it could have rolled over and who
knows what might have happened or who could have been injured."

"I guess I didn't think about that.  I am really sorry," he apologized,
while looking very guilty.

"I can tell you mean it," I agreed, " so nothing more will be said about
this, as long as you don't repeat your mistake."

"Don't worry, I won't," he quickly confirmed.

"Even though that's settled," I continued, "I did notice it takes you a
second or two longer to hit the brake pedal, so I suggest you compensate by
leaving an extra car length between you and the vehicle ahead."

"Okay, I can do that," he agreed.  "I did realize it was a problem and was
planning on asking you what I should do to make up for it.  Before I did,
though, I wanted to prove I was a good driver first, before I admitted I
had trouble braking.  I guess I should have come to you about that earlier
too, huh?"

"Yes, you probably should have, but at least you realize you have a slight
deficiency and are willing to compensate for it," I confirmed, as he smiled
at me.  "Before you leave, however, there's one more thing I'd like to
discuss with you.  I think you've been here long enough to make another
very important decision and this one also concerns your legal status in the
family.  What I need to know is -- would you like for me to adopt you too?"

For a split second, I thought I saw a look of concern, or maybe even fear
in Vinnie's eyes, before his face dropped toward the floor yet again.  I
noticed a slight quiver along his upper lip, as if something was bothering
him, and I was afraid he was trying to find a way to avoid answering my
question.  I assumed it was because he felt he might be betraying his
parents in some way if he allowed me to adopt him, so I tried to ease his
concerns.

"Hey, you don't have to do it.  It's your choice," I offered, in an effort
to give him a way to save face.  "I just wanted to know what you thought.
If you want me to adopt you, I'll get things started.  If not, then I'll
drop the idea and not say another word about it.  It doesn't mean anything
will change between us, but I wanted to give you the choice."

He looked at me, almost as if he was unsure if he should speak, but finally
he did.  "It's not that," he replied, while looking slightly terrified.  "I
would love to be your son, but then it would make Kevin my brother and I
don't want that.  I want Kevin to be my lover and then maybe someday we
could even get married or something, but it wouldn't seem right if he was
my brother too."

Suddenly, I gained a new insight about his reasons for hesitating before he
responded.  "Yes, I think I understand," I admitted.  "Well, we don't have
to go through with this, if it's not what you want to do, so don't worry
about it.  I won't bring it up again."

"But that's the whole point," he nearly shouted, before I could leave.  "I
DO want to be your son and I want all the other boys to be my brothers too,
but then it would mess things up between Kevin and me.  I really want to be
part of a family again, so I can feel like I belong somewhere and not just
a guest in someone else's home.  Can you understand that?"

"Yes, Vinnie, I can and do," I agreed.  "I just hope you realize that
you're not just a guest here though.  You're part of this family, whether I
adopt you or not."

"I know and it's what makes saying no to you so hard," he said, almost on
the verge of tears.  "I really want you to adopt me, but I don't want Kevin
and me to be brothers.  That would be like incest, if we got married, and I
don't want that feeling to spoil what we have now or in the future.  I
don't think it's bad to mess around with a brother now and then, but it
would be a whole different thing to marry one."

"Hey, I do understand, so you don't have to worry about it," I agreed.
"Let me run this by Uncle Steve though and maybe he'll know of something we
can do legally to make you part of the family, without putting you and
Kevin in an awkward position."

"That would be cool, if you could," he replied quickly, suddenly looking
more cheery than I'd seen him since before our driving lesson.  "I'm sorry
if I messed things up for you or hurt your feelings."

"You didn't do anything except enlighten me about your concerns, so don't
worry about it," I told him.

"Thanks, Pop," he responded, while giving me a hint of a smile.  "You made
me feel a lot better about everything and I'm sorry about earlier too."

"Hey, I said we wouldn't mention that again, as long as you're more careful
in the future," I reminded him.

"Okay, deal," he shot back quickly.

As I left his room, I had some new things to consider.  I hadn't realized
Vinnie felt this way before, but I'm glad he had the guts to tell me,
without worrying about hurting my feelings.  I mean, I knew Kevin and he
were close and were working on a relationship, but I didn't know he hoped
for them to marry one day or that he worried he couldn't do that if they
were brothers.  In fact, I completely understand why he feels this way.  I
guess there aren't many guys who would think about marrying their sister,
so why would a gay guy be any more inclined to marry his brother, natural
or adopted?

As I walked to my own room, I hoped my friend Steve would be able to pull
another rabbit out of his hat and give me a way to make Vinnie a part of
the family, while still dealing with his other concerns.  I knew it was
probably a long shot, but it was all we had, unless a lightning bolt struck
me first.


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