Date: Sat, 29 May 2010 04:10:28 EDT
From: Bwstories8@aol.com
Subject: Castaway Hotel: Grand Reopening - Book 6, chapters 39 - 40

Castaway Hotel -- Grand Reopening -- Book 6 by BW                    
Copyright 2009 by billwstories
Chapter 39 -- The Ultimate Struggle.                 

**Author's Note:** Please read the disclaimer in Chapter 00 before you read
this.

The center began Cody's chemo treatments the next day and the drugs they
used really wiped Cody out.  Within an hour after the treatment was
administered, he fell asleep and was out for an hour or two.  Graham and I
stayed at his bedside as he slept and Graham fussed over him the whole
time.

Graham brushed the hair off of Cody's face, held his hand, stroked his arm
and, occasionally, when just the three of us were in the room, he would
give Cody a kiss.  It was very cute to watch and reminded me of the way a
mother would take care of her child.  Graham even asked me if he could
sleep with Cody, but I couldn't allow that.  The nurses would have had a
fit if they came in and discovered that happening.  However, there was one
nurse who caught on to how close the two boys actually were and was willing
to look the other way when things of that nature happened.

For example, when the boys' favorite nurse came in to give Cody a sponge
bath one day, Graham asked if he could help.  I know he wouldn't have done
that with any of the other nurses, but he seemed to feel comfortable with
her, so he got up the courage and asked the question.  She told him he
could wash the 'more sensitive' areas, as it might make Cody feel better if
she wasn't doing them, and he leaped at the opportunity.  She left the room
as he did this, but Graham also took time to grab the electric razor from
my travel kit and tidy the area up a bit, while he was at it.  Cody thought
that was a stitch but wasn't sure how he'd explain it to the other nurses,
if they noticed the difference.

When bedtime rolled around, I let Graham use the second bed and I slept in
the reclining chair in the room, but we only did that for a couple of
nights.  One morning, when the doctor came in early to see Cody, he
discovered what we had been doing and had another bed moved into the room.
Luckily, this wasn't a small room, and although it made it a little
cramped, everything fit and now we each had a bed to sleep in.

After the doctor fixed the problem for us, I decided to confront him about
how he thought things were going with Cody.  When he left the room, I
followed him into the hall, so I could make my inquiry in private.  As soon
as the door to the room was closed, I spoke.  "Doc, is he getting any
better?"

He didn't answer right away, but the look he gave me when he turned around
told as much as any words could.  After an awkward pause, he answered.
"I'm sorry, but he's not responding well to the chemotherapy.  The tumors
have hardly been affected and the drugs are throwing his other bodily
functions into disarray, so I'm considering stopping the treatment."

"Then what would you do next?" I asked, concerned.

"If I stop the treatments, I'm not sure what, if anything, we could do
next," he responded.  "I've consulted with several of my colleagues about
this, and I've shown them his complete medical file, but as of yet we
haven't come up with a better solution.  However, we aren't going to give
up until we've considered every option.  I know this isn't easy for you,
but none of us are giving up on your son."

"I appreciate that," I told him, "but can't you contact other specialists
in this field, to see if they know of any other options?"

"I've already done that, but so far none of them has recommended another
course of treatment," he confirmed.  "We'll all keep trying, but for right
now, I don't know what else I can tell you.  Unfortunately, there is
another complication, as well," he continued.  "It appears Cody is also
suffering from a fungal infection around his brain and that might cause him
to start having seizures.  If that happens, it will only complicate the
situation.  I wish I had better news for you, but this is all I have to
offer."

After hearing this, I was devastated.  Even though he promised not to give
up trying to help Cody, the implications behind what he told me painted a
different picture.  He seemed to be saying there wasn't much he could do
for my boy.  Now, I was determined to confront him and find out for sure.

"Doc, is he going to die?" I asked, point blank.

"Mr. Currie, there is no easy way to put this," he answered, "but unless
someone alerts me to some new procedure or some miracle cure, I think we're
running out of time."

My heart sank when I heard his reply and my knees became weak.  I think the
doctor noticed this too, because he reached out to steady me.  "Are you all
right?"  he asked, concerned.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever be all right, unless we find a way to save
Cody," I confessed, nearly in tears.  "I've already lost one son, in an
automobile accident, and I'm not sure if I can survive losing another.
You've got to promise me you'll go that extra mile to try to save him, no
matter what it costs.  Money isn't an issue here."

The doctor looked shocked by the intensity of my statement, but I think he
understood what I meant and why I said it.  He was very comforting in his
response.

"Mr. Currie, I'll do everything for your son and give him the same effort I
would if he were my own child," he assured me.  "Money is never the main
issue with me, so you don't have to worry about that.  I promise I will
give this my best effort and Cody will receive my utmost attention."

This did help to reassure me a little, but the reality of the situation was
beginning to hit home.  How in the world would I be able to cope with
losing another child, especially when the loss of the first one almost
killed me?  Even though I was being prepared for this in advance, Graham
had tired to alert me about Brent's death too, but that still came as a
shock.  I'm not sure I'll be able to handle this one any better than the
first, since I still believe a parent shouldn't see his children die before
him.  I decided it was time to turn to prayer and seek heavenly
intervention.

Later, when I called home and talked to Jake, I explained the situation.
He offered his support and tried to convince me not to give up hope.  I
told him wouldn't, but felt he should start preparing the boys for this
possibility, without coming out and telling them Cody was going to die.  I
didn't want them to be shocked, if something did happen.  He said he would
do as I asked and then suggested he would bring all the boys to the
hospital this coming weekend, so they could visit Cody.  He felt that might
help lift Cody's spirits and put him in a positive mental state.

I agreed it was a good idea, but realized he couldn't fit all the boys in
one vehicle.  Jake then said he'd have Mark or Dustin drive the van or
Suburban, as they were the oldest and most experienced of our other
drivers.  Once I agreed with his idea, Jake asked what things he could
bring for us.  He understood I would be staying here for longer than I'd
anticipated and wanted to make sure I had everything I'd need for the stay.

We even discussed what we should do about Graham.  I knew there was no way
I could convince Graham to leave Cody, but I wasn't sure how he would
handle it if he saw Cody die.  After talking this over for many minutes,
Jake and I decided there wouldn't be any significant difference in how
Graham was going to react, whether he was with Cody at the time or not.
However, we concluded it might be easier for him to deal with Cody's death,
if he was there for him at the end.  Otherwise, he might always have
psychological and emotional issues to deal with, such as regrets about
leaving or failing Cody when he needed him most.  After a great deal of
discussion, I finally told Jake to bring some things for Graham too, as we
might not be home for quite a while.

The next morning, I called and reserved rooms for Jake and the boys at a
nearby hotel and informed both Cody and Graham that the rest of the family
was coming for a visit.  I knew the others would probably only be allowed
to see Cody in groups of two or three at a time, so Graham and I would make
ourselves scarce while they were here, to give them an opportunity to be
with Cody too.

I not only talked this over privately with Graham one afternoon, while Cody
was sleeping, but I also arranged it with Cody's doctor, so there would be
no problems when they all arrived.  I think the doctor was quite amazed
when I told him how many people it involved, but he did agree to let them
visit Cody three at a time.  He told me he also knew our family would be
the talk of the hospital for months to come.

I also mentioned the visit to our favorite nurse, the one who was so good
with Graham and Cody.  She reacted in disbelief too, once she became aware
of all the details.  At first I think she thought we were pulling her leg,
but then we showed her the family picture, to prove our point.  Even though
she had seen the photo sitting on Cody's nightstand before, she admitted
she thought it was of a group Cody belonged to or possibly a picture of a
neighborhood recreational organization.  Once I explained who each of the
boys were and how they came to live with me, she realized this was no joke.
That's when she announced she'd prepare the rest of the staff for what was
to come, so it wasn't so awkward.

I also made sure to call my older children and explain the situation to
them as well, just in case they also wanted to visit Cody.  I advised them
against bringing my grandchildren, but they argued Jordan and Nicky might
be old enough for this.  I thought the others were still too young to deal
with the situation, but I was willing to reconsider the older pair.  I told
them we'd discuss this again, later.

Each of my older children then told me they would come for a visit and I
told them to let me know exactly when they'd be here, so I could reserve
rooms for their stay.  They told me they would and then took down the
number for the phone I had hooked up in Cody's room, since you're not
supposed to use cell phones in the hospital.

I originally had the phone hooked up so he could talk to everyone while I
was gone, but now it took on an even greater importance, as it would become
the information hub concerning Cody's condition.  I still held a great deal
of hope that a miracle awaited us, but I also had to concede the need to be
a realist.

Before my children arrived, I had an opportunity to speak with the doctor
alone again, as I wanted to see if there were any changes in Cody's
condition.  "Doc, have you discovered anything new since we last spoke?"

"No, Mr. Currie, I'm sorry," he told me.  "No one from any of the other
cancer centers has been able to offer any other options."

"Then there's no chance for him?" I wondered.

"I wish I could say there was, but I'm afraid there isn't, at least none
under my control," he replied.  "However, I have seen unexplainable things
happen, but those are very rare."  Even though he had basically pulled the
rug out from under me, he had also left me a very slim ray of hope to cling
to.

I was unable to respond right away, as I was too choked up with emotion,
but the doctor was patient and waited for me to compose myself.  When I
did, I tried to clear up another question.

"Do you think it would be better if I took him home for what little time he
has left?"  I wanted to know.  "I think he would feel more comfortable
there."

"Mr. Currie, he's liable to be in considerable pain at the end and having
seizures," he informed me, "and we'll be better equipped to manage his pain
here.  Besides, how will your boys react if he dies at home?  Would they be
able to put that behind them later or even be able to enter the room he
dies in without thinking about the fact it was where he passed?"

"No, I suppose you're right," I conceded, "but can we at least have
permission to have everyone who wants to be here in the room with him when
that time comes?"

"Certainly," he told me, even though we were both a little choked up at
this point.  It was clear he was willing to do anything to help us get
through this when it happened.

That weekend everyone showed up, as planned.  Some of them arrived on
Friday, while others got there before noon on Saturday, but the whole
family rallied around our stricken loved one.  As the various groups began
to arrive, the staff allowed them to go in and see Cody, three at a time,
but I asked them to keep the conversation light.  I suggested they talk
about things at home or maybe recall something memorable or humorous that
had happened in the past.  We also suggested they not mention the
seriousness of his condition, as I didn't want Cody to panic or lose his
incentive to keep fighting.  Everyone agreed to my conditions and then
started going in to see him in shifts, which lasted about fifteen to twenty
minutes at a time.

Peter had come with the others and cornered me, while some of the boys were
in with Cody.  "Pop, I'm so sorry he is this bad," he told me and I could
see the sincerity in his face.  "I do hope he will get well."

"I'm afraid there isn't much chance that will happen," I told him, which
caused Peter to look shocked and sad.  "I just feel bad that you had to be
here and are now forced to deal with this too."

"Oh, no, Sir. I'm fine and I hope I can help in some way," he offered.  He
was just so sweet.

"Thank you, Peter.  It is nice of you to think like that," I told him.
"I'm sure you will have your hands full helping Ricky, because I suspect
this will be hard on him.  Even though he hasn't know Cody for very long,
they did bond and are very much alike."

"I've noticed that too, Pop," he confirmed.  "I haven't been here long
either, but I have seen how they are when they are around each other."

"Precisely," I concurred.  "So you help Ricky and that will help me."

Peter and I talked for a while longer and he did everything he could think
of to try to make me feel better.  He was a very caring and sensitive young
man.  I was even more surprised he had survived Ricky's abuse, but I guess
he can dole it out too.

Getting back to Cody, he was quite excited when he began to receive
visitors.  He thought it was nice that everyone had come so far just to see
him.  The early conversations were about how he was feeling, what types of
things they had done to him so far or if he had any trouble sleeping,
especially with me snoring in the same room.  Broaching this topic usually
meant Cody would end up doing an exaggerated impression of my nocturnal
sound show and this would get everyone laughing, including Cody.

Some of the boys asked Cody about the food.  They wanted to know if it was
better or worse than what they served at school, but Cody would only tell
them it was okay, but nothing special.  Later, they did get him to admit it
was in the same league as the general school fare, which wasn't a
compliment.

The visits seemed to go very well and the others appeared to lift Cody's
spirits and made him lose focus on his concerns.  However, some of the
sessions were dramatically interrupted by one of Cody's seizures.  Whenever
this happened, those in the room would be asked to leave for a while, until
the seizures ended and Cody had been able to rest for a short time.  Even
though we experienced these minor setbacks, I thought, overall, everything
was going quite well.  That was until late Saturday night, just before we
went to sleep.

Cody had been in a fairly good mood for the past couple of days, but after
everyone left his room that night, he began to get very serious.  Graham
had gone out to eat with the others, as we had all been living on hospital
cuisine for longer than we cared to.  Knowing he would benefit from the
change, Cody and I talked him in to going with Jake and his brothers for
dinner, and then possibly to a movie, just so he could have a brief break.
Cody had tried to get me to join them as well, but there was no way I was
going to leave him, unless he suddenly got better.  I would never be able
to forgive myself if he expired while I was away.

Now that we were alone, he must have felt it was time to clear the air a
bit.  As he turned toward me, I noticed his facial expression was very sad
and pathetic looking.  Just seeing how he looked would melt the heart of
the coldest person who had ever lived.  I suddenly felt a lump forming in
my throat, even before he began to speak.

"They're all here because they know I'm going to die, aren't they?" he
asked, putting me on the spot.  I tried to mask my surprise and control my
emotions as I responded, but my resolve was now shaken and my acting
abilities weren't up to the task.

"No, Cody.  They're here because they love and care about you," I told him.
"They came to show their support and to let you know how much they want you
to get better."  I put on as brave a face as I could for him, but I think
he noticed the cracks in my mask.

"Dad, you can tell me the truth," he responded, and his eyes were pleading
with me not to treat him like a little child.  "It's going to happen pretty
soon, isn't it?  I know, because I'm feeling weaker every day."

"Cody, I won't lie to you.  You are very sick and it's possible you might
not make it," I confessed.  "However the weakness you are feeling is
because of the chemotherapy and the seizures you've been having.  You must
remember how the chemotherapy did that to you the last time too, don't
you?"  He nodded, and then gave me his 'don't try to fool me' look.

"I remember how it was the last time, but this time it's not like that," he
reasoned.  "I can feel the difference and I didn't have seizures before."

"Well, not every time is the same," I informed him, "and last time you were
taking the drugs to kill the diseased cells in your body.  This time you're
taking different drugs, to shrink the tumors, and you didn't have this
other infection before either.  I think it might have something to do with
the difference in the drugs and what they're meant for.  That might make it
seem a little different to you, but it's to be expected."

"Maybe you're right, Dad, but I don't know.  I just have this feeling…"
I cut him off.  I didn't like where this was going and I was praying there
might still be a chance for him to pull through.  If there was, it would
have to begin with him, so I intended to put him in the right frame of
mind, to help make it possible.

"Well, you just get rid of that feeling then," I urged, "because you'll
have to fight, if you want to get better.  Any doctor will tell you one of
the biggest factors in a person's getting well is his mental attitude, so
you'll just have to let go of all those morbid thoughts.  If you don't,
then I'm afraid your fears might come true, as that negative energy will
work its way through not only your mind, but your body as well."

He seemed to consider the meaning of my words, before he said anything, and
looked very thoughtful, before he responded.  "Do you really think it can
make that big of a difference?"

"Yes, Cody, I do," I confirmed.  He took another minute to reflect on this,
before he decided what to do next.  Finally. he reached his own conclusion.

"Okay, if it's that important, then I'll try not to think about dying any
more," he agreed.  After telling me this, he gave me a weak smile, which
made me feel he was doing this more for me, than for himself.  Regardless
of the reason, I just hoped he would keep his word.

"Good," I told him, to let him know I approved.  "You just spend your time
concentrating on getting better and that will make all of us very happy."
He smiled at me again and then we hugged.  Hopefully a change in outlook
might at least make him feel better, if nothing else.



Castaway Hotel -- Grand Reopening -- Book 6 by BW                    
Copyright 2009 by billwstories
Chapter 40 -- Our Worst Nightmare.                 

On Sunday, the others began to leave, but each of them took a few minutes
to stop in and say good-bye to Cody first.  They didn't do it as if it was
their final farewell, but was closer to how we acted when we took the boys
back to college.  Everyone made sure they let him know they'd see him again
when he got home, although they didn't go into detail about how that might
be.

I don't think this was because they were unable to come to grips with the
seriousness of Cody's situation, but we all preferred to cling to the to
glimmer of hope that his condition might improve and he'd have at least a
few more years with us.  I was proud of the way they all handled themselves
and believe they did a good enough job to make Cody consider the
possibility he might be wrong in thinking he wasn't going to make it.

Now that the others had gone, it was just the three of us again, and Graham
didn't want to leave Cody's side.  He had spent much more time away from
him over the weekend than he was comfortable with, so now he seemed
determined to make up for it.  The boys' favorite nurse just happened to be
on the night shift this evening and I overheard Graham making a special
request.  I wasn't sure how she was going to respond, but she merely smiled
at the two of them, before she answered.

"If you boys want to sleep together tonight," she began, "I'll make sure no
one else comes in here to disturb you.  I know what it's like to have a
boyfriend too."

She winked after saying this, which caused Graham to blush slightly, but
Cody let out a weak laugh.  He seemed to enjoy her perceptiveness.

"I'll also make sure all his monitor wires on are one side of his bed," she
continued, "so you can sleep on his other and not get tangled up in them.
Does that sound okay to the two of you?"

They both beamed and nodded, to let her know it was more than okay, and
then thanked her for arranging this for them.  Graham also walked over and
gave her a hug, and when Cody saw what Graham was doing, he asked her to
come over, so he could do the same.  Happily, she obliged.  She kissed each
of them on the cheek afterward and I think I noticed her eyes were a bit
moist, when she turned to leave the room.

Once she had departed, Graham looked over at me, to see if I was upset that
he hadn't cleared this with me first.  Not wanting to spoil the moment, I
just gave him a wink, to let him know I was fine with what happened.  Now
that he had received my tacit approval, he seemed to relax and returned to
Cody's side.

Over the next hour or so, the nurse prepared everything the way she had
told them, which erased any doubts they might have harbored that something
would go wrong.  While she was doing this, Graham grabbed his things and
went in to the toilet, to get ready for bed.  He put on a pair of pajamas
and brushed his teeth, and when he came out, he climbed into bed beside
Cody.  He gently began to snuggle against him, but was careful not to hurt
him in any way.  I could see Cody was glowing, even from the other side of
the room, and this might have been the best medicine anyone could have
given him.

Now that they were settled in, I turned away from them and lay on my side.
I wasn't sure what they might have planned, but I was going to give them as
much privacy as they needed.

The night nurse woke Graham the next morning, before she went off duty, and
had him move to his own bed.  When Cody awoke a short time later, he looked
around for Graham, but then figured out why they weren't still together.  I
must admit, Cody looked better than I had seen him in quite awhile, so
their time together must have helped.  This morning he had a little more
color in his cheeks, his smile appeared to be a little broader and he had
the look of a young man in love.  If only the other nurses were as
understanding about their relationship, maybe the boys could do this on
other occasions too and Cody might be able to keep the glow he had now.

Our favorite nurse did mention she'd be on the night shift for a couple of
weeks, so maybe she'd let them continue doing this until she switched
shifts again.  If it had made this much of a change in Cody in just one
night, I hoped she'd stay on this shift for as long as he was here.

The seizures Cody experienced from time to time seemed to grow more severe
as the infection affected more of his brain.  Other than that, things went
as well as could be expected for the next few days.  Our angel nurse
continued to allow the boys to spend their evenings together and went out
of her way to do special things for them.  This seemed to be important to
both Cody and Graham, plus it helped them cope a little better with what
was going on.

She and I talked at one point, and she explained she had a nephew who was
gay.  She also told me she had seen the abuse he took from his peers and
had noticed how isolated he seemed from the rest of the world.  She felt
his pain and tried to do whatever she could to help ease his suffering, but
now she was thrilled to be able to extend this same support to other boys,
in a similar situation.

I thanked her for her concern and help and then explained more about our
family.  Once she understood what we were like, I suggested she could have
her nephew contact us, if he wanted to talk to other boys like himself or
if he just needed some moral support.  She assured me she'd pass the
information on to him and was thrilled she could now do more to help him
too.

Before she left to continue her duties, she made one final comment to the
boys.  She told them she'd knock on the door and then wait a minute before
opening it, in case they needed a moment to get decent before she entered.
It was tactfully put, but we all knew what she meant, and I was grateful
she was there for all of us during this time.

By mid-week, however, things began to change.  Not only were the seizures
becoming more frequent and severe, but Cody was also struggling to breathe.
The doctor had him taken down for another MRI, and when they came back, I
could tell by the look on the doctor's face that things were not good.

"I'm sorry," the doctor began, "but not only were we unable to shrink the
tumors, they are spreading and getting larger.  They're also putting a
great deal of strain on his lungs and other organs.  The tumors in the
lungs cover much of the surface and only leave a limited area for oxygen to
be absorbed through the tissue and into his bloodstream.  That's why it's
becoming so difficult for him to breathe.  We're going to put him on pure
oxygen, to make sure more of it is getting into his blood, but that's about
all I'll be able to do for him."

"Is this the beginning of the end?" I asked, since I needed to know what to
expect.

"Most likely it is," he concurred.  "Your son may show some signs of
improvement at times, but for the most part, he'll just continue to get
worse.  The weight of the tumors in his lungs will make breathing painful
for him, so I'll make sure I give him some narcotics, to make him more
comfortable.  I wish I had better news for you, but I think it's best you
know what lies ahead."

"I understand and I thank you for what you've done," I agreed.  "It's not
your fault medical science isn't outpacing all the various illnesses.
Maybe someday others of your profession may know what to do to treat people
with this problem, but I thank you for everything you have tried to do for
him."

No matter how sincere I had tried to be with him, the doctor did not look
entirely comforted by my words.  I think he felt bad he hadn't been able to
do more for Cody, but we understood he was limited more by the lack of
advancement in medical science, than because of a lack of effort.

After he left, I waited for Cody to fall asleep, and then I took Graham out
in the hall and explained the situation to him.  He began to cry almost
from the beginning, not sobbing, but merely weeping.  I could tell he was
still trying to keep a stiff upper lip and be a brave soldier, but I also
knew this was too much to expect from someone his age.  Not only that, but
I didn't want him to keep all his grief pent up inside, so I told him to go
ahead and get it out of his system now, before Cody woke up.

The first thing he did was to inform me he'd spent some time alone with
Kevin, when he went out with the rest of the family the other night.  From
what Graham told me, it appears Kevin felt it was his duty to take care of
his younger brother and prepare him for what was to come.  Kevin had been
forced to deal with his loss without any advance preparation, so he wasn't
about to let Graham suffer the same fate.  Graham told me Kevin explained
what he went through and what he felt after losing Brent, but no matter how
much Kevin told him, Graham admitted he still didn't know it was going to
hurt as badly as he was feeling now.

Although I was pleased to know Kevin had been so farsighted as to tackle
this issue on his own, I knew there was still much more to do.  I would
also have to thank Kevin for doing this, but I wanted to do it in person,
the first chance I got.  I think his little talk did Graham some good too.
I believe that by talking to someone else who had lost a lover in his
teens, it would help Graham accept the inevitable and make his grief more
bearable.  Although there was nothing anyone could do that would take away
all the pain he would eventually feel, I'm sure the time he spent with
Kevin had made it easier.

Once that was out of the way, we talked about Cody's condition.  I told him
what we should expect next, almost exactly the way the doctor informed me,
and when he asked how long Cody had, I told him no one knew for sure.  I
explained the best guess was most likely only a week or so, because Cody
was getting weaker.  Even though he was being given pure oxygen, there was
still not enough of it getting into his bloodstream, because the tumors
were still growing.  As this process continued to happen, the tumors would
eventually cut off his oxygen supply completely and Cody's struggle would
be over.

After we finished talking, I held Graham for a while, until he calmed down.
Then I sent him off to wash his face and regain control of his emotions,
while I went back in to sit with Cody.  He was still sleeping when I
entered, but he did wake up before Graham returned.  The first thing Cody
did was to ask me where Graham was, so I told him Graham just went for a
walk, to stretch his legs a bit.  Cody seemed to accept this explanation
without any difficulty, so when Graham came back, Cody never asked him
where he'd been.  Graham sat down beside him and gave Cody a quick kiss as
he did so.  After that, he remained next to Cody, on the bed, and held his
hand.

I left to call Jake a short time later, so I could tell him Cody's
condition was worsening.  After he was aware of the situation, we talked
about bringing the boys back, so they could stay with Cody until the end
came.  I wanted Cody to be surrounded by his loved ones when he took his
final breath and Jake agreed to bring them all back this weekend.  He also
said he'd see to it that they understood why.

That night, none of us slept very well.  Cody had trouble because of the
heaviness in his chest, which made it difficult for him to breathe.  Graham
and I lost sleep due to the fact that we were so concerned and upset about
Cody's problem that we kept waking up to check on him every half hour or
so.  At one point, I actually sat up for over an hour and watched Cody
struggle for each precious breath.  As I did this, I wondered how much more
labored his breathing would become, before his body just couldn't fight it
any longer and he gave up.

I certainly was glad the doctor was giving him something for the
discomfort, because it looked as though the pain would have been
excruciating by this point.  I know this may sound cruel and heartless to
say, but since it didn't appear as though there was any chance of Cody
recovering, I felt it would almost be a blessing if he went now, so he
didn't have to suffer any longer.

Cody's difficulty continued through the rest of the day and extended into
the evening as well.  Cody was not awake for much of that time, but I
wasn't sure if this was due to his condition or because the medication he
was being given was knocking him out.  Whatever the reason, it was probably
best for him that he was out of it at this point, and I think it was better
for us too.

I almost wished Graham could be given something too, but not just to make
him sleep.  It would have been nice if he could take something to ease the
pain he was going through, as he watched Cody wither away.  I could read
the love in his eyes as he looked at Cody and pampered him, even though he
knew Cody probably wasn't even aware he was there or conscious of what he
was doing.  I could also see the pain on his face, as he wondered how much
longer this would go on, but I knew his love was strong enough to overcome
his discomfort.

That night Graham slipped back into bed with Cody, once our guardian angel
nurse came on duty, but I realized he never let himself fall into a deep
sleep.  I wasn't doing any better and only dozed off from time to time,
because I accepted the fact that the end was probably near and wanted to be
awake when it happened.  I had just happened to doze off once more, when I
heard Graham call for me.

"Dad, Dad, wake up!" he screamed.  "I think something is wrong."  He had
also come over to my bed and was trying to shake me awake.

I jumped up and turned on a light.  "What is it?" I asked, before I looked
at Cody and knew the answer to my own question.

"Cody's body is jerking and he isn't breathing normal.  He's gasping for
air now.  What's wrong?" he demanded.

Before I had a chance to answer, three nurses flew into the room and began
to check the monitors.  However, during that time, Cody's body, which had
been jerking from the seizures, relaxed and he gasped one final time,
before his body stopped moving completely.  We now realized it was finally
over for him.

The nurses also knew any heroic efforts to revive him would only delay the
inevitable, so they merely began to turn off the machines and disconnect
the wires from his body.  Once that had been accomplished, they asked
Graham and I to leave the room for a few minutes, while they cleaned Cody
up.  They explained they would allow us back in to say our final good-bye,
once they had finished, so Graham and I walked out of the room, still
stunned by what we had just witnessed.

As we went through the doorway, Graham started to cry, loudly, so I led him
over to a chair, sat down and pulled him onto my lap.  Then, I let him bawl
his eyes out, as I held him.  We sat there like this for about ten minutes,
before the nurses came out and told us we could go back in to see Cody, but
we didn't move right away.  I wanted to give Graham time to cope with his
grief, before confronting him with the stark reality of Cody's lifeless
body again.  When he let me know he was ready to go back in to Cody's room,
we got up, walked in together, went over to the bed and stared at that
fragile blond haired boy, whom we both loved so much.

We stood there just looking at him for a couple of minutes and then Graham
reached out to stroke Cody's face.  As his hand passed over Cody's skin, he
paused for a second, but then resumed what he was doing.  He continued this
for a few more seconds, before he bent over and kissed Cody once more on
the nose, and then on the lips.  When he turned to face me, his eyes were
filled with tears, but his body seemed more relaxed than when we were out
in the hall.  I think he was beginning to accept the fact it was over.  He
now turned toward Cody and just looked at him lying there, so I decided it
was time to see how Graham was holding up.

"Are you all right?" I asked him, as I put my hands on his shoulders, from
behind.  He slumped back into my body and turned his head slightly, so he
could see me.

"Yeah, I was just a little shocked at first," he admitted.

"Shocked?  About what in particular?" I asked, to clarify what he meant.

"I didn't expect him to feel so cold already," he explained.  "And his skin
wasn't really soft, like it usually is, either.  It felt kind of tight,
like it had been stretched across something."

"Yes, I know how that is," I commiserated.  "I've experienced that before
too, with others who had passed away."

"Dad, do you think he's in heaven now?" Graham asked me directly.  I knew
it was an innocent question and not intended to affect me as it did, but I
had a very difficult time trying to control my emotions, once he asked it.
After I took a few seconds to calm myself, I searched for the right words
to say.

"Yes, I think he's in heaven, Graham," I told him.  "Cody is now with Brent
and all our other loved ones who have gone before.  He'll be there to greet
us, when it is our turn to join them, so we will see him again."

At this point Graham turned around, threw his arms around my body and began
to squeeze as hard as he could.  I know it was just to release some of the
pent up tension he was experiencing, but it also served as an emotional
release.  Inadvertently, he also helped me in the process.  I needed to
open the floodgates to my emotional dam too, and without realizing it, he
gave me the opportunity to do so.  Now, we sat there hugging each other and
crying over the loss we both felt.  I don't know how long we stayed this
way, alone with Cody's body, but when we felt we were finally ready to move
on, I walked over to the phone, dialed home, and waited for an answer.
Fortunately, it was Jake who picked up the call.

"He's gone," I said simply, knowing I didn't need to identify myself or
explain what I meant in any more detail.

I could tell Jake was choked up, as I could hear it in his voice when he
responded.  "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, sincerely.

"Yes, will you call everyone and let them know, so I can just move on and
make the arrangements for Cody's funeral.  I'll see that his body is
transported home, and then I'll contact the funeral home and get in touch
with the church, to arrange for his final service."

"Are you going to be all right to drive back?" Jake worried.  "I can come
there with one of the boys, so I can drive you back."

"No, that won't be necessary," I assured him, although I was touched by his
offer.  "We won't be leaving for a few more hours and by then I'll be fine.
I love you and I'll see you later tonight.  Tell the boys I love them too
and we'll be home soon."

"I will," he responded, and then there was a slight pause, before Jake
spoke again.

"Josh, I love you and please be careful," he told me, before he hung up.


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