Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001 19:57:38 EDT
From: Bwstories8@aol.com
Subject: The Castaway Hotel - Book 4 chapter 20
Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.
Don't read this story if:
**You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.
The author retains copyright to this story. Placing this story on a
website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's
permission is a violation of that copyright. Legal action will be taken
against violators.
I wish to extend my thank you to Ed for his editorial assistance with this
chapter.
If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions, or other 'constructive'
comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.
* * * * * * * *
Although the boys in these stories have unprotected sex, I strongly urge
all of you out there to be smart and protect yourselves from various
sexually transmitted diseases by using condoms when having intercourse.
* * * * * * * *
The Castaway Hotel-Book 4-by BW (Young-Friends). Copyright 2000 by billwstories
Chapter 20 - Unresolved issues. May 2001
Sunday morning we all attended church together and then Jake drove to our
house to visit for a while, to give Shannon some more time with the boys.
Shortly after we arrived back home, the phone rang and it was Brent
checking in with us again. I talked to him for a short time before I
handed off the receiver to Kevin, who was standing next to me and chomping
at the bit to take over. I said good-bye to Brent, telling him to call
before they started back, so I would know when to expect him. He said he
would and I handed Kevin the phone. He was all smiles and eagerly took it
from me, soon grilling Brent on the details of when he'd be returning.
After giving him sufficient time to chat, I told him it was time to end the
call, and he reluctantly said good-bye and hung up. There was still a
smile on his lips, although there was a tear in his eye, and he walked away
without saying a word.
That afternoon Dion and Trey also had a heart-to-heart talk, at Dion's
request. Dion told Trey about everything he had done with his two
girlfriends, and he also told Trey he wasn't done exploring what it was
like with the other sex. He informed Trey that, although he would still
mess around with girls some more, he would probably end up with him, rather
than some female. He said that even though they were nice and he enjoyed
being with them, he thought that he and Trey had more in common, that Trey
understood his needs better, and the sex was actually more enjoyable. He
said he enjoyed what he had done with the girls, but they just didn't
understand how to please him as well and that he missed playing around
Trey's penis. He told him 'tits are nice, but a cock is so much better, at
least in my opinion'. It looked as though Trey had weathered the storm and
won the battle, and he moved around the house with a renewed bounce in his
step and a new confidence in his soul.
The boys decided to fill their final week of vacation with as many
activities as they could squeeze in. While I was working at my school, the
boys were playing ball, going swimming, making trips, or just lying out in
the sun, to put that final touch on their summer tans. Wednesday morning
Brent called, to let us know they were leaving later that day. I wasn't
home, so Cole ended up taking the message for me. He called me at the
school to let me know that Brent had called, and he said he was told that
they should be home some time tomorrow. I was glad to get the news,
thanked Cole for calling me, and then I went back to completing my duties
for the day.
Thursday, Kevin decided to clean up his room and make it presentable for
Brent's return. I think he was planning a special 'welcome home' present
for Brent when he arrived. Graham still looked pensive, though he hadn't
made any more comments about Brent since his call the previous Wednesday.
We only had to make it though the day and Brent should be back, and I was
actually starting to breathe normally again. The boys and I were sitting
down to dinner when the doorbell rang, and I got up to answer it, telling
the boys to keep on eating. None of them did, turning to see if it was
Brent returning, as we all thought it was one of Jimmy's parents who had
rung the bell. I opened the door and nearly crumpled to the floor when I
saw who was standing there. It was a state trooper and he wasn't smiling.
As I tried to regain my composure, he began to speak.
"Mr. Currie?" I nodded my head in response. "Do you have a son, Brent?"
With that question, I felt my stomach hit the floor, the blood drain from
my body, and my heart rise to my throat, making it impossible for me to
speak. I merely nodded again, afraid of what was about to follow.
"I'm afraid that I have to inform you that there's been an accident." I
had to brace myself against the wall to keep from falling over, as I tried
to find my voice to ask a question. After working at it for a minute or
two, I finally managed to get it out.
"Is he okay?" I choked out.
The trooper gave me a very sad look, shook his head, and spoke again. "I'm
afraid he's dead, Mr. Currie. He was killed in a traffic accident."
I lost it now, but by this time the boys were all at my side trying to
support me, but I could hear them all weeping and choking back their own
emotions. The trooper kept asking if I was all right or if I needed
anything, but I couldn't respond, as my mind was racing over the news and
remembering Graham's warnings. Finally I managed to verbalize another
question.
"How did it happen?"
"From what I was told, they were coming back through Virginia when a tire
blew. That caused the driver to lose control of the vehicle and it went
off the highway. It is my understanding that your son wasn't wearing his
seatbelt and was ejected from the vehicle."
"And that's what killed him?"
"No, not quite. It's also my understanding that the vehicle then rolled
over him, crushing him."
That was all I needed to hear and my legs gave out from under me. The
trooper lunged forward to catch me, as did some of the boys, and they
guided me down onto the floor, letting me lean my back against the wall.
Someone went and got me a glass of water, while others were trying to
console Kevin. Although it hadn't yet occurred to me, this was the third
boyfriend he had lost in the past year or so, but this one was gone
forever. After I regained my composure, I looked back up at the trooper
and asked my next question.
"What about the others?"
"I was told the others were injured and were taken to the hospital, but
they will all survive." Although this was good news, it made me wonder why
Brent was the only one who didn't make it. I knew this was the result of
an accident and it would have been impossible for anyone to prevent it, but
why just Brent. All these thoughts were going through my mind when the
trooper asked me a question.
"Mr. Currie, I know this is probably not a good time for this, if there is
such a thing, but I need to know where you want the body taken. Do you
know what funeral home you will be using?"
I hadn't thought of this before, but I did tell him that we'd use the
funeral home in town, telling him that I'd contact them myself, a little
later. He offered his condolences and told me he'd pass along my wishes,
and then he left us there to pick up the pieces of our lives. Suddenly I
thought of Kevin and I got up and went to him, trying to offer him my
support. He was a worse basket case than I had been, and I knew he
wouldn't get over this anytime soon. I asked Dustin and Nick to take him
up to his room and stay with him for a while, and they were happy to do
that for me. All of us were sad and affected by the loss, but Kevin had
been much closer to Brent than the rest of us. After checking on all the
other boys, to see how they were doing, I went to my own room to deal with
this alone. I lay on the bed, going over everything in my mind, blaming
myself for having let this happen. Why hadn't I heeded Graham's warnings?
Why had I been so stubborn and foolish? I know Brent had only been with us
for a few months, but I loved him just as much as the others and it hurt
now that he was gone. This just wasn't right. Parents aren't supposed to
bury their children! It's supposed to happen the other way around. Why
did God have to take Brent? What sense could that possibly make? If only
I hadn't picked him up that night and brought him home with us, maybe he'd
still be alive.
I don't know how parents live through the loss of a child, because this was
nearly destroying me. I often wondered how I would deal with it if I were
to lose a child or grandchild, and now I knew...not very well. Although I
wanted to just remain there and wallow in self-pity and remorse, I knew
that I was going to have to pull myself together and be strong for the
boys, especially Kevin. I finally got up and made my way to the phone,
calling the rest of the family, to let them know what had happened.
Naturally all of them were shocked and saddened by this news, asking what
they could do for us and telling us that they'd be there for the calling
hours and funeral. I thanked them for their support, told them I'd call
them back later with the specifics, and then I would end each call. After
all of the family had been notified, I called the funeral home, to let them
know what was happening. After telling me they were sorry for our loss,
they asked me to bring some clothes and a recent picture of Brent down to
them, sometime in the next few hours. I told them I would do that and then
we discussed what calling hours, church, pastor, and cemetery we were going
to use. I hadn't thought of some of these things, but I was familiar with
the process. Having had to arrange for my mother's funeral only a few
years before, I suddenly remembered all that would be required of me.
Quietly I slipped out of my room, going around the house to check on the
boys, and then I went to Brent's room to collect the things that would be
needed. I took clean underwear from his dresser, removed his church
clothes from the closet (slacks, dress-shirt, tie, and sport coat), and
then I went and selected a picture of him, the most recent picture I could
find. I took everything downstairs, got into the car, and I drove to the
funeral parlor.
The director greeted me and offered his sympathy, and I handed him the
things I had brought with me. He set those items aside and we went into
the office to complete the arrangements. I gave him the information he
would need for the obituary, told him to put down in lieu of flowers,
contributions could be made to the Castaway Charity Fund, and we'd have
calling hours Saturday, with the funeral being held after church on Sunday
afternoon. He even phoned my pastor for me, to let me iron out the details
with him, then he led me down to his basement, to select a coffin. Seeing
all of those caskets made the reality really hit home, and I dreaded the
thought that I'd have to put Brent's body in one. Although I'm a religious
person and believe in a hereafter, it's still difficult to accept the fact
that you're saying good-bye to a young teenage boy for the final time.
Then I saw something that really affected me. There under a table near the
end of the coffin room was a cardboard box with a price tag on it. Who in
their right mind would put a loved one's remains in a cardboard box? I
know some people didn't have much money, but a simple pine box couldn't
cost that much more and it would seem much more appropriate. I mentioned
this to the director and he told me that those were generally only used for
bodies that were going to be cremated. He said he would generally put the
bodies in a regular coffin for display, and then transfer it over before
the cremation took place. That made me feel a little better, but I still
was unsettled by it, but I went about my business by looking at more
appropriate possibilities. After I had selected a suitable coffin and
vault, into which the casket would be placed, I told him to call me when
the body had arrived and was ready to be viewed. I wanted to come down by
myself to check things out, before I let the boys see him. He agreed, we
exchanged farewells, and I headed to the cemetery to arrange for a plot.
The gentleman who was in charge of the cemetery was very polite and
helpful. He showed me a map of available locations and then we took a
quick drive, so he could point the spots out to me. He also took me to a
new section, which they had just opened up on the top of a small hill, and
he told me that only one or two spots had already been purchased there.
When we got back to the office, I asked him how many plots were located in
the new section and he told me. Then I informed him that I wanted to
purchase all of those plots, so all of my children and grandchildren who
wished to be buried there, could be. He was very happy by the news, seeing
he'd be getting a good commission from the sale, and we filled out the
paperwork, before we both signed. We decided on which plot would be used
for Brent and he said he'd have it ready in time for the service. We shook
hands and I left, driving slowly back home.
When I got to the house, some of the boys rushed out to greet me and then
they quizzed me on where I had been and what I'd been doing. I had
forgotten to tell anyone what I was up to, as I normally did, and they were
all quite concerned about me. I told them I was fine and I was just taking
care of the arrangements. They seemed to understand that I had wanted, no,
needed, to do that alone, so nothing more was said about it. They just
seemed relieved that I was back and we all went into the house. Kevin
wasn't among that group, so I decided to go up to Kevin's room to talk to
him and see what I could do to help him. Dustin and Nick were still in
there, lying on either side of him, and I signaled them to leave, so I
could talk to Kevin alone. As they were heading out the door, I sat on the
bed beside Kevin, stroking his back in the process. He rolled over and
looked at me, his face red, tear-streaked, and puffy, and then he buried
his face in my chest and started crying again.
"Why, Dad? Why did it have to happen to him?" I searched for the right
words to tell him, something that would ease his pain, but I wasn't sure
that I knew them myself. Finally I felt I had to say something, so I began
to speak.
"Kevin, I don't know why this happened or for what reason, but we can't
always understand God's plans for us."
"This was a plan? This was God's doing?" he screamed.
"Kevin, calm down. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that there
are things for which we'll probably never find the answers, and this would
be one of them. I mean, how could we ever justify the death of a child?
It's hard enough to cope with the death of people in their 20's or 30's,
but a child...how do you cope with that? I'm sorry, Kevin, I know that I'm
not very helpful, but I just don't know what else to tell you." Kevin was
sobbing heavily into my chest, his own chest heaving and his body shaking
under the outburst. I tried to comfort him and calm him down, but I also
knew it was probably best that he let out his grief and anger, rather than
keeping it pent up inside of him. Finally he started to calm down and then
he looked up at me, a very pitiful expression fixed on his face.
"Why, Dad? Why does everything have to happen to me? First my dad threw
Dustin out, because he caught us fooling around, and then he beats me up.
Then I get that lump on my testicle and it turns out to be cancer and I
have to have it removed. Then Dustin leaves me for a girl, and Nick tells
me he can't be happy with just one guy. I finally found someone I could be
happy with, and I know Brent really loved me, but now he's gone too. Why,
Dad, why do all these things have to happen to me?" I just held him tight
and let him cry himself out a bit before I tried to answer him. When he
had calmed down a little, I tried again.
"Kevin, I have no better answer for that than I had about why Brent had to
die. All I can tell you is that bad things do happen to good people, and
it seems as if good people die young too. I know you won't believe me now,
but you will get through this too and the pain will lessen over time. I
don't know what to tell you, except that your brothers and I will be here
for you, and we'll help you make it through this. Someday you'll find
someone new, someone who loves you the same way that Brent did, and you'll
be happy again. Just be thankful that you had him for as long as you did,
even if it was for just a short time, and you must always cherish those
moments you two shared together."
"I will, Dad. I really will." With that he buried his head back into my
chest and he began sobbing all over again. This time I let him cry until
he cried himself to sleep, then I went and got Dustin and Nick and asked
them to stay with him. They were happy to do that, and I left the three of
them in Kevin's room. As I made my way back into the hallway, I saw Graham
standing at the other end. He too was crying and he wore a very sad
expression upon his face. As I approached him to see if I could help him
in any way, he asked me a question.
"Why didn't you believe?" I stopped short, not moving another inch,
searching for an answer to his query. Before I had time to respond, he
continued. "If you'd have believed me and kept him home, Brent wouldn't be
dead now."
This bothered me even more, but now I had to answer him. "Graham, we don't
know that for sure. If he had stayed here, maybe something else would have
happened and his not going to the beach wouldn't have changed a thing. You
weren't entirely correct, because you said something was going to happen to
both of us. Maybe this was just something that we couldn't stop from
happening." I reached out and grasped his shoulders, pulling him firmly
against me, and stroking his head with my right hand. "Graham, I wish I
could have prevented this, because I miss him too. You don't know how
badly I hurt without him here. I loved him, Graham, just like I love the
rest of you, but I might have just made him miserable by making him miss
out on the trip and then something else might have happened to him anyway.
We have no way of knowing and we probably never will. Someday we'll see
him again in heavenn but, until then, we'll just have to cling to our
memories of him."
We both stood there crying in the hall, clinging to each other as if there
were no one else in the world at that very moment. Eventually we both
cried ourselves out, and I took Graham to his room, tucked him in, and
kissed him good night. When I went downstairs, I told Cole a little about
what had happened with Graham and I sent him upstairs to stay with his
brother. He didn't hesitate, and he raced from the room, knowing his
brother was more important now than anything else he might find to do.
After I checked on all the other boys and they also went to bed, I went to
my room to think and wrestle with my own demons.
Maybe Graham was right. Maybe I should have kept Brent home after Graham
had warned me about what he'd seen. How was I to know? I try to do what's
best for the boys, but sometimes I make mistakes, it's just that I've never
made a decision this costly before. I was missing Brent more and more with
every passing minute, thinking back upon his adorable smile, his pleasant
nature, his helpful demeanor, and all the bad things he had endured in his
brief life. I can't believe that I'd pulled him away from that, just to
have him end up like this. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe my ego had grown
so large that I thought I was the answer to everything that was wrong in
their lives. Maybe I was, in fact, doing as much harm as I was helping
them. Was I giving them false hopes and leading them down a path where
they would never find happiness? Was this boy's battered body lying in the
funeral parlor because of me and because of what I'd done? How could I go
on until I was able to answer these questions for myself?"
I eventually fell asleep, but only because I was totally exhausted,
mentally and emotionally drained. It was not a restful or relaxing sleep,
however. During the course of the evening, I relived nearly every moment
that Brent had been with us, witnessed the accident and his being tossed
around and crushed, and then I wrestled with every question I had asked
earlier - questions about whether I was responsible or if I had even helped
to cause this to happen. I came up with no more answers in my dreams than
while I was awake, and I woke up the next morning nearly as tired as when I
went to bed.
During the course of the day, many people stopped by to offer their
condolences or to drop off food for the family. Jake and Shannon were
among the first to arrive, and Jake dealt with all the non-family visitors,
leaving me time to see those closest to us. The Spencers showed up about
mid-morning, looking old for the first time since I had known them. Later
Mary came by and she told me that both Steve and Sally would be arriving as
soon as they could get away from work. Later in the day, my older children
began to arrive, and they were just as distraught as if Brent had been part
of this family all his life. Though he had only been with us a short time,
he had certainly made a big and long-lasting impression. After we helped
each other work through our grief, they began to question me about the
schedule of activities. I explained everything as I understood it and told
them that I'd let them know if there were any changes. While going over
all of this, the phone rang, and I was called to take it. It was the
director of the funeral parlor, telling me I could come down to view the
body if I wished. I told him that I'd be there shortly, and I was
questioned about what the call had been about once I hung up. Although
everyone wanted to go with me, I told them that just Kevin and I would go
now, so Kevin could deal with this in private, and I'd arrange it so that
we could all go down later. No one challenged my decision, and Kevin ran
up to change, so he could go with me. When he was ready, we quietly
slipped out of the house and got into the car.
When we arrived at the funeral home, I asked Kevin to wait in the car until
I had a chance to make sure everything was the way I wanted it. He wasn't
happy with this suggestion, but he agreed to it when I told him I'd come
back to get him shortly. The director greeted me at the door, led me into
the room where Brent's body was laid out, and I went up to look at that
beautiful face, lying cold and lifeless before me. Although it wasn't
extremely noticeable, I could still see where they had used make-up to
cover some of his bruises, and I could see where they had used some
artificial means to give his face its normal form. I took my comb out of
my pocket and adjusted the way they had done his hair slightly, before I
straightened his tie and adjusted a button on his jacket. Then I leaned
down and kissed him on the forehead, squeezed his arm, and told him I was
sorry and that I'd never forget him. After telling him I'd see him again
someday, I wiped my eyes and went back outside, signaling Kevin that he
could come in and join me.
I asked Kevin if he was ready for this, and he said he was, so I walked him
up to the casket, after asking the director to leave us alone. Kevin began
sobbing the minute he saw Brent's body, and then he placed his head on
Brent's chest. When he finally began to straighten up, he kissed Brent on
the lips and said he loved him. Tears were flowing down my face at this
point, like a river after the dam had burst, but I still tried my best to
be there for Kevin. Now he reached into his pocket, withdrawing a picture
of the two of them together on Valentine's Day, and he placed it against
the coffin's lid, so everyone would see them there. He told me he wanted
that picture to stay in the coffin, even when he was buried, and I told him
it would. When he had finished saying his private good-bye, I took him out
so we could talk to the director, to see if we couldn't set a time up for
this evening, when the rest of the family could come down to have some
private time with Brent. He was very accommodating and did as I requested,
now all I had to do was to inform everyone else about the time.
I didn't want to rush right home, so I took Kevin over to the florist to
order some flowers for the viewing. Between us, we ordered a large
arrangement that would lie over the bottom half of the casket and would say
'brother' on it, a cross of red roses that would be placed beside the
picture in the lid and have 'son' written across it, and a small floral
pillow that would go in beside him that would read 'uncle'. Kevin was
satisfied with those selections and the florist said he would have them
there for Saturday's viewing, so we went back out to the car and drove
home. Everyone was there when we arrived and I told each of them about the
special calling hours for just the family. They were pleased that they
would have this time alone, and we were soon trying to eat something from
out of the many items that had been dropped off. None of us were all that
hungry, so we just nibbled, but we were appreciative that we didn't have to
fix things for ourselves.
Later, when we all went down to the funeral home, there was a great deal of
emotion and many tears being shed. I was glad that Kevin and I had come
here alone earlier, having some private time to say our good-byes, and we
both tried to help the others deal with their grief, as they went up to say
their own farewells. Later we tried to explain to them about the flowers
we had purchased, telling them about each arrangement and where they would
go, and we stayed there for about an hour and a half before we decided to
head back to the house. It took me a while to get the boys calmed down,
especially after seeing Brent like that, and we had to make room so my
other children could stay with us. Kevin wanted to sleep in with me
tonight, so his room was open, and some of the other boys gave up their
rooms, doubling up with a brother or two, and eventually everyone was set.
We went to bed still dealing with many unresolved issues, and I knew it was
going to be another long night.
I ended up cuddling or holding Kevin much of the night, and even after he
did fall asleep, as he occasionally woke up crying and shaking, needing
immediate comfort. I had a feeling that this was not going to end soon and
that I'd be dealing with him for several more nights to come. I think I
spent the night sleeping in a series of 15-20 minute naps, but it was all I
could get and all I would need for now. Mary and Sally showed up early at
the house, to fix breakfast for all of us, but I told them it wasn't really
necessary. I told them that we could take care of ourselves, but they told
me to be quiet and go spend my time with the boys. I thanked them for
their help, after teasing them about their approach, and I did what they
said. The rest of the time went quite quickly, and soon it was time to
head to the funeral home again. There were two sets of calling hours for
today, 1-3 and 6-8, and I was hoping this wouldn't be too much for the rest
of us to handle.
During the first set of calling hours, many of the kids who had gone to
school with Brent showed up with their parents. This was a very
disconcerting moment for most of them, as Brent was probably the first
person around their own age that they had known who had died. We tried to
help them get through this by telling them that Brent was in a better place
and that we'd all see him again some day, thinking that would make them
feel better. Most accepted that, though a few didn't but were polite
enough not to argue the point, and things were going smoothly until Jimmy
and his parents walked in. Everyone could see their bruises and they
looked as if they had been in a fight, and Jimmy broke down as soon as he
saw Brent lying there. His parents came over to me and apologized, saying
how sorry they were for letting this happen. I told them it was an
accident and they weren't to blame, then I took them to a smaller, private
sitting room where we could talk. I needed answers to a few questions and
I thought now was the time to get them.
"Look, I'm not blaming you for this, but I just need to know what happened.
Why wasn't Brent wearing his seat belt, like the rest of you?" Jimmy's
father was the one who answered my question.
"Brent and Jimmy were in the back seat, and they were both strapped in.
They had been playing games and listening to music when Brent unbuckled his
seatbelt to reach for his bag, which was in the storage area behind their
seat. He was leaning over the seat, trying to get what he wanted out of
his bag, when the tire blew and the Bronco went out of control. We didn't
know he was ejected until later. We were all so shaken and banged up that
it took us several minutes to discover he wasn't there. We hoped he'd been
thrown clear and was just in the grass somewhere, and we didn't learn
differently until we were at the hospital. I'm so very sorry. I just wish
there was something I could do."
"It wasn't your fault and you made Brent very happy during those two weeks.
He had a great time and told me so in his phone calls. I'm thankful that
you were so good to him and I'm happy that none of you were injured more
seriously. I will never hold you responsible and I don't want you to
continue blaming yourself. Is that clear?"
"Yes, it is, and thank you for being so understanding."
>From there we went back to join the others, greeting more visitors, and
listening to many heartfelt expressions of sympathy. In between the two
sets of calling hours we went back home, grabbing a little something to eat
and taking a little rest. The time passed quickly and we found ourselves
heading back, to spend two more hours saying our goodbyes and dealing with
others. Although it was just as sad, the time passed by more quickly
during this session, and soon it was time to go back home. Now we had to
deal with thing on our own again, once more to see if we could find peace.
We sat around and talked for a while, before the boys went upstairs to
shower and get ready for bed. Tonight people were remembering the good
times with Brent and some of the funny things he often did. He had brought
much joy into our lives, and I hope we had done the same for him. We'll
always have a part of him with us, remembering all those special moments we
shared, no matter how short a time that was. Before long we had decided we
needed to get some sleep, as we'd be getting up to attend church before his
service was held. Kevin was sleeping with me again, so I took him into the
room, had him get in bed, and then I crawled in beside him. He had kind of
propped himself upright and I had the feeling that he wanted to talk.
"Dad?"
"Yes, Kevin."
"Do you really think we'll all be together again some day?"
"I certainly do. Someday we'll all be together with God, enjoying each
other's company once more. That's part of my faith and part of God's
promise to all of us, so of course I believe it's true."
"And you really think he's happy?"
"He's with God and he is content. He's probably missing you too, but I'd
bet he's probably watching over you now, wanting you to be happy and go on
with your life. He doesn't want you to forget him, but he doesn't want you
spending what years you have left mourning his loss either."
"But I miss him soooo much."
"I know you do, baby, and you always will, but the pain will slowly fade
away, leaving you to cling to all the great memories you boys had
together."
Kevin came over and leaned up against me at that point, waiting for me to
put my arms around him and comfort him. Nothing was said for a minute or
so, but then he looked up at me with those puppy-dog eyes of his and made a
confession. "You know, we made love before he left, and I'm glad we did.
I will always remember that night and feel special about what we shared
together."
"I'm sure he will too, honey, and someday he'll tell you so himself."
After that, I just held Kevin against me, letting him deal with all his
thoughts and the questions still plaguing him, hoping that he would
eventually come to grips with the realities of life. He fell asleep like
that, so I just sat there holding him, resting my cheek on the top of his
head, and I drifted off to sleep in that position. Later, when I awoke, I
slid Kevin down in the bed, resting his head on the pillow, and then I
covered him and moved down beside him. When I awoke again, later that
morning, Kevin was just lying there, staring at my face, waiting for me to
open my eyes. When I did, he thanked me for being there for him, and then
he told me he needed to go and eat.
We got up, ate, cleaned up, and dressed for church, getting there and
filling up a good share of the pews on the left side. The minister must
have changed the topic of his sermon for today, after he learned of Brent's
death, and he tried to address many of the same issues we had been dealing
with on our own. He had the biblical references to go along with his
answers, something I had been lacking, be he reaffirmed many of the things
I had told the boys in private, making them believe that we might be
correct. When the service was over, he made sure he stopped us for a brief
chat, and he told me that everything was set for the service and he'd see
us back here in about an hour. The rest of us drove from the church to the
funeral home, for the part of the service that would be done there, and I
sent everyone outdoors while I stayed with the director. I had told him
that I wanted to watch him close and seal the casket, making sure that all
the right items were left inside. The picture, the floral pillow, and the
floral cross were to remain with him when he was interred, in addition to a
little poem I slipped in with him, just before the lid was closed for the
final time. When that was completed, we brought the boys who were going to
serve as pallbearers back in, and they carried the casket out to the
hearse. Then we all got into our vehicles and followed the hearse in the
normal funeral procession from the funeral home to the church. When we
reached the church, the casket was taken inside and placed in front of the
altar, while the choir sang 'Rock of Ages'. After that the pastor gave his
eulogy, reminding us all about Brent's fine attributes, and then the choir
sang 'Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me'. After that hymn was finished, the minister
gave the benediction and then the choir sang 'His Eye Is On The Sparrow' as
we began to file outside. The pallbearers carried the coffin back to the
hearse, and then we drove to the cemetery, where the graveside service was
to be performed.
After the casket was placed above the open grave, we all gathered around
it, while the pastor gave his final remarks and blessing. I waited there
until the crowd had dispersed, asking Jake, Steve, Mary, Sally, and the
Spencers to watch the boys, while I said my farewell and watched them place
the coffin into the vault and seal it up. I know the cemetery workers did
not like to do this with family members watching, but my family had always
insisted on it and no one had ever turned us down, though they weren't
always happy with our request. Slowly they started cranking the casket
down into the vault, and once more all those lingering doubts resurfaced
and I began to wonder again if I could have prevented this from happening
to Brent or changed the results in any way. As the workers pulled the
straps out from under the coffin, they pulled the backhoe into position, to
lower the lid onto the vault. The realization that Brent was really gone
began to hit home, as his body was closed inside, and I realized that this
was forever. After the lid was in place and the chains were removed, I
watched as they began to push the dirt over the vault.
I was now blaming myself again, wondering why I hadn't listened to Graham,
and wondering how I'd continue with all this guilt. When I give my love, I
give it completely, and the pain I was feeling was more than just guilt, it
was also the anxiety of being separated from someone you loved. At that
moment my chest became heavy, it became difficult for me to breathe, and I
started to feel a sharp pain in my left arm. I didn't know what to do, so
I turned to walk toward the others, but I didn't get very far and merely
slumped to the ground instead. The others must have seen this, because I
saw a wave of people rushing toward me, and Steve was already dialing for
help on his cell-phone. The pain kept getting worse, it was increasingly
more difficult to breathe, and I could barely speak by the time the others
got to me. Things after that were a blur, and I don't even remember the
ambulance arriving or being placed inside. I was whisked off to the
hospital, with lights flashing and sirens blaring, and I guess the others
followed us there. Once they got me inside, the doctors and nurses hooked
me up to a bunch of machines and then they started pumping drugs and IV's
into me. I slipped into unconsciousness during this time, while they
continued to work on me, and the adults tried to keep the boys calm while
all of this was going on. Later one of the doctors went out to explain
what he could to them, trying to let them know what was happening. After
exchanging identities and relationship, the doctor advised them of my
situation.
"I'm afraid Mr. Currie has suffered a heart attack. From what we can tell,
there's been some muscle damage to the right side of his heart. He'll
remain in the cardiac critical care unit until he becomes stable, but the
next 24 to 48 hours will be critical to our understanding of how this will
affect him."
"He won't die, will he, doctor?" Frankie asked.
"I can't be sure. That depends on how he responds to the treatment. I'm
afraid this was more than just a mild cardiac arrest and we'll need to run
other tests and monitor his progress before we'll know more. We'll
continue to watch him closely and we'll keep you apprised if there is any
change in his condition."
Now the adults had their hands full with the boys, trying to keep them
calm. Not only had they just buried their brother, but then they'd seen
their father suffer a heart attack at the gravesite. Jake told the boys
that he'd pick up some thing from his house and then he would stay with
them until I was better, assuring them he'd stay there as long as he was
needed. The others took the boys home, even though they didn't want to
leave, but the adults thought it best that they not be there. The Spences
stayed at the hospital so they could forward any news and be there if
anything changed. When Jake arrived at the house, the boys wanted to know
what was going to happen to them if I died too, and Jake told them that
they'd all stay together, no matter what. He told them that he'd move in
and raise them, if need be, but they didn't have to worry about being split
up or being sent somewhere else, now or ever. He told them Uncle Steve and
Aunt Sally would help to make sure of that. Then he told them not to worry
about all of that, as I'd probably be back in a few days to a few weeks,
nearly as good as new. He informed them that he'd remain there during that
time and he'd even stay longer than that, until he was sure that I'd able
to handle things on my own again. It was good to have friends that I could
count on, especially at times like this.
The End of Book 4
* * * * * * * *
Dear Readers,
I apologize for leaving book 4 ending like this, with an O. Henry 'The lady
or the tiger' type ending. I know you're all wondering if Josh is going to
live or die, if he and Jake will get together if he does live, if Jake will
end up raising the kids on his own, and what will happen to all of the
boys. I've left it this way because I don't know when or if I will get
back to writing it.
As I've told you in the past, I've fallen upon some rough times and a bad
situation has gotten even worse when some of my possibilities fell through
and other situations changed. Now I need to focus all my time on finding
ways to bring money into the household, so I can survive. There are so
many things up in the air and they seem to depend on so many other factors,
many of which I have no control over. Even though I might like to, I just
can't spend this much time working on something that is only for pleasure.
I hope you will forgive me and understand my situation. Until then, the
Curries and my faithful readers will be in my heart and never will be far
from my thoughts.
Thank you,
Bill
* * * * * * * *
If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://members.tripod.de/wolfslair, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mails may be sent to: bwstories8@aol.com.