Date: Sun, 07 Jan 2001 10:24:50 -0000
From: Jamie <virus@dial.pipex.com>
Subject: Chris-and-Jamie  Chapter 17

Same stuff - don't read this is u r underage or u don't like reading stories
of love between two boys.

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`James William Samuel Mark of Sandringham! Christopher Michael James Walker!
Get the hell outta bed -- School!' Paul's voice boomed through the intercom
and shook us both from sleep. My gut reaction was one I shouldn't have
relented to -- I rolled over and, once more, fell out of the warm comfort.

Chris scuttled over to my side of the bed and poked his head over the edge.
His eyes were still not awake and he sleepily leant over the edge of the bed
and bent down to touch his lips against mine.

`I think, you need more practise getting up.' The short statement was one
founded on truth.

`Chris, I told you. I'm not a morning person. I never have been one, and I
never will be one.' I grinned, now awake.

We headed towards the school gates. They were an old affair of wrought iron.
Every day that I had ever passed them, they brought me nothing but grief. As
you can see, I do not like what school holds for me. There is always someone
who wants something. Usually it is our stupid music teacher wanting to hold
another concert because she has so much time on her hands that she needs to
do something to keep herself sane. In my view there is no reason for these
types of teachers to exist in a secondary school. If someone wants to learn
music they go outside school and get a specialist in their particular
instrument -- not an idiot who will tell you anything to get you to pay them.

`Jamie, you lost me.' Chris had seen that I had, once again, been
daydreaming. It is one of my worse habits, and one I intend to try to kick.
But not now, now was time for me to dream. I would dream about Chris, and my
friends, and all the people who keep me going. There was Ciaran, Simon,
Gareth, Julian, James, Mark, Tom and many others. All of them were there for
me, or Chris for that matter, whenever we needed them. It was a real
comfort.

We stepped forward into the main gates and found our way to the large
playground. As with most days, instead of going straight to the playground
we all joined together on a raised platform, just down the steps into the
school.

This patio area, situated above the playground's wide length was a refuge
for those who didn't touch such energetic sports as the football and
basketball games that went on down below. Whereas everyone seemed to mingle
on the playground, on the patio tight groups were always formed. This was as
though one wished to keep another out. It was an emotional battle out here --
one foot wrong could destroy another's life. I know that it seems as though
I am exaggerating, but this is how the school is run. The groups keep to
themselves. One may think this was slightly antisocial behaviour, but it was
the way things were run, and the way things had been run for centuries since
the school was founded.

The bell soon rang and we departed to our respective lockers. As I went I
was handed a small note, scribbled on yellow paper. It said that the
Director of Music wanted to see me at registration.

`Oh great!' I exclaimed out loud. `What the hell does she want this time?'

`What does who want?' I didn't see Ciaran come up behind me. He looked over
my shoulder and acknowledged the note. `Hey, I got one of those too.'

We left the locker area and made our way to the music room. As always it was
locked. She had probably forgotten, so we decided to wait in the small
office to the side of the main building. It was warm in there and empty of
all human life. I think the only people that ever came in here were Chris
and I for a quick kissing session before orchestra practise...and after...and
during...and whenever we could...hehehe. Hey what can I say, I'm a growing boy
and need some TLC.

We entered the room and sat down at the chairs that were set out next to a
completely bare desk. The teacher never came in here. I'm not even sure that
she knew it was here.

Ciaran was looking uneasy.

`What's wrong?' I said. `You look weird.'

`I'm really confused, Jamie.' He said looking into my eyes. I could feel
that this would take some time and I decided that it wouldn't hurt to skip
the next class in order to hear exactly what he had to say. When there is
someone who needs my help, I am there and I wouldn't have turned him down
for anything. He began to cry and I knew then that it was serious.

`I don't know what to do. I think I might be...you know...gay.' He said. He
couldn't even look at me. I patted his arm.

`There is nothing wrong with that.' I told him. `You can be whoever, or
whatever the hell you want to be. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise --
ever!'

He smiled, but his smile soon faded.

`I...I just can't...I don't know anymore...' He reached over and pulled me into a
kiss. I was taken aback by this sudden movement. It caught me off guard. I
could feel his tongue at my lips, trying to force them open. I kept them
firmly closed and pushed him off me.

`Ciaran, I can't. You know that I can't. What about Chris?'

He fell back into tears again.

`I know. I'm sorry...that's what I have been confused about. I can't stop
having feelings for you. You've been my best friend for almost twelve years
now and I can't bear the thought of being without you.'

This time I was surprised even more.

`Why? Do you think I am leaving?'

He swung his head in the negative, but I pressed on. His response was
indecisive. Saying something about me always being with Chris, he subsided
into sobs and told me that he was being too selfish. I put my arm around his
shoulders and pulled his chin up, from where it was resting on his chest.

`I will always love you, Ciaran. Maybe I won't love you as a boyfriend, but
always as my best friend. I am not about to jeopardise a friendship, which
has been with me for twelve years!' I gave him a small peck on the cheek and
this seemed to cheer him up. `And don't ever think you are being too selfish
-- you are one of the least selfish people I know.'

He nodded his thanks and kept on crying. I pulled him to me and told him
that he needed to cry. I would've done in his place. There needed to be an
outlet to all these emotions somewhere. The only outlets I could see were
crying and violence, and I wasn't about to let him go take it out on someone
innocent. Ciaran could be quite the little fighter when he needed to be.
Experience had taught me never to get on the wrong side of him.

Ciaran stood roughly 6ft, maybe an inch either way. Short black hair gave
way to a pale face with deep brown eyes. The outside of the cornea was of
the purest white, gravitating through the iris was a heavy burst of colour,
which was extremely obvious -- light brown to dark brown near to the centre.
Ciaran was very much an academic person. Not studious though -- he wouldn't
keep his head in a book for years, he'd already know it. He was, and still
is, an excellent mathematician and musician (beating me to Grade 8 piano by
five days -- bastard! hehehe) -- often accompanying me on the cello or piano,
whilst I played organ. Unfortunately for him, he had a violent temper.

`So when did this start?' I asked him. He knew immediately what I was
referring to and poured the whole story out to me.

`I started to think that I might be gay when I first saw you and Chris
together. When your lips touched I knew I wanted it to be my lips there and
not Chris's. At first I was able to shrug off the sensation, but after that
it began to get harder and harder...'

I stifled a muffled giggle at the unintended innuendo. Thankfully Ciaran
didn't notice.

`...After Christmas it was almost too much for me and I began to get really
rowdy around the house and at school...'

I could remember the many times at school that he had snapped for no
apparent reason and we had to drag him off his assailant, kicking and
yelling to be allowed to continue. We had managed to hide it for a while.
However, it was a slow process of various detentions and extra homework that
was just the start of the axe falling -- it would soon severe Ciaran's head
from his body. The school couldn't keep protecting Ciaran forever. It was
unnecessary and unneeded to them for him to do any of this -- they had soon
stepped in. Ciaran had been suspended for two weeks and none of us to get
him to tell us why he had started all of this. Now he had chosen to finally
bear his heart.

`...After I came back, I made up my mind to shelve my feelings. I just carried
on as though nothing had happened...'

Oh how I envied this figure sitting before me. When he tried, he could take
his emotions and just slide them into a corner. However, what goes up must
come down. And what goes up higher comes down harder -- much harder!

Ciaran had finally broken down and couldn't continue the story without
encouragement. I was there for him and grasped him in my tight hold. There
was no way in hell that I was going to let this friend go.

I thought about Chris. Where would he think I had gotten to, after we had
parted on the patio? A soft hand grasp was all we had before going to our
various lockers. In a school of only 550, we had to be careful what we did
and where. It seemed that every move that we made attracted slightly more
attention than we really wanted. To kiss in the hallway, or on the patio was
not something that we did regularly. Holding hands seemed to be okay, with
the rest of the populous. It was understandable in the small boys-only
school in the small city of St. Matthews. No one needed to be bothered with
a thing like sexuality or emotion. The school seemed somehow cold towards
us, and now towards Ciaran as well. The light that once emanated through
some of the teachers had dwindled to the very few. They just didn't want to
be exposed to sex or to human nature -- to the school the exams and music
came first and that was it. Oh how I hated it!

Ciaran was ready to begin again.

`...I found that there wasn't anyone to tell. If I had told you or Chris I
thought I would be rejected as a threat to your relationship. If I had told
Mark or Simon they would never have listened to me properly. I think both of
them have been caught up in the school. Only the future matters, and never
the present.'

I turned my head to one side and looked at him through his veil of tears.

`Jamie, there you are...oh...' Chris had burst in, but was stopped in his tracks
as he saw Ciaran in my arms. He stood quite still, not too sure about what
to do next. The explanation came thick and fast, as I rambled through the
day's events once again. Leaving the kissing part out, I soon arrived at the
end.

Chris's reaction was hard to gauge. To an outsider it would seem that he had
taken it all in his stride; he began to nod slowly, showing that he had
taken it in. Kneeling beside Ciaran, he suddenly changed from the sullen and
undisturbed to the warm and caring.

Eventually the school bell rang, signalling the end of the first two
periods. A short break followed this.

`Do you wanna go outside, Ciaran?' I asked, wondering if after what he had
said he would be able to hold it together in a crowded place for twenty
minutes.

His brown eyes connected with mine and he gave a deliberate and slow nod.

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Sorry - no sex, I thought the last chapter was a bit 2 spiced.

If u like what u read, mail me - virus@dial.pipex.com

AOL IM: jam0015

C Ya round