Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2007 08:21:06 -0500
From: J.J. <jjjanicki@gmail.com>
Subject: Constantin

This story involves sexual situations between young teen boys. Or at
least there's definitely a situation developing which could get very
interesting by the next chapter. I hope so, anyway. And you the reader
are probably hoping so as well, but just in case you really AREN'T
(difficult as it is for me to imagine) or if you're not even supposed to
BE here in the first place, then you must exit immediately.

So everybody who's supposed to be gone is gone now, right? Well, good.
I'm glad that's taken care of.


                            Constantin
                            chapter one


When I was in elementary school, I'd look up diseases in the encyclopedia
trying to figure out which one would be the best to catch. Something I'm
sure many of you can relate to.

Or maybe not. I guess it was a bit strange, but to me, being sick had
it's advantages, because you just stayed in bed and got to read what you
wanted to and watch TV and all. And everybody in the house would be real
concerned; sometimes even worried. Very much so. Which was really cool,
you know? Oh, and being able to eat in bed while you were watching TV.
Now THAT was cool! Which is why when I had pneumonia in the 2nd grade, I
went back to school even when my mom said if I didn't feel like it I
could stay home at least one more day BECAUSE what I was hoping for was a
relapse. Only it didn't happen. Darn!

But I was STILL hoping and occasionally trying to get myself sick even in
the 8th grade. Mononucleosis seemed a good choice until I discovered it
usually was the result of kissing some girl. And I didn't WANT to kiss no
damn girl. And I hadn't ever considered the possibility of kissing a boy
at that time.

Well, even if you can't relate to trying to get yourself sick, maybe you
CAN relate to being 13 and in the 8th grade. That and being weird. Or at
least thinking you were. And if one of your favorite pastimes was to run
naked through the woods just about every single time the urge hit you,
well, it's easy enough to understand. Why you might feel like you were
weird, I mean. Because you WERE.

Only I also thought I was unique. I could not imagine anyone my age
wanting to do such a thing. So I often felt guilty about it, not
realizing that almost all 13-year-olds are weird. I didn't know that much
about other 13-year-olds because I was a geeky little bookworm and I
didn't hang out that much with anybody.

But anyway. One cold January night I was walking home. It doesn't usually
get down to 5 degrees in southern Indiana, but it does happen. And the
wind was howling. At least 30mph, which would give you a wind chill of
about -19. (Which would be around -15 celsius without factoring in the
wind, or -28 if you DO factor it in.) So I was in a hurry to get my
little 13-year-old butt home. Which was a little over a mile away if I
took a shortcut along a trail through a patch of woods.

I had a cold. Only unless I had a temperature of at least 100, I wasn't
sick enough to stay out of school. That's what my mom said. So I got to
thinking maybe if I were to take my coat off, and my shirt, AND my tee
shirt and go barechested all the way through the woods, my cold would get
worse. Maybe I'd catch the flue. Or even pneumonia again. So that's what
I did. (Took off my shirt and all.)

Only then I thought, "Well, why stop with just my shirt? Why don't I just
strip NAKED?"

So I did. See, I TOLD you I was weird. I guess now you might believe me,
huh?

Because THEN I thought, "Why don't I just leave my clothes here, run all
the way through the woods, and back? That should GUARANTEE a fever!"
Really, I was WEIRD. But I also hated school. Most of the time I was
bored out of my skull almost.

So I DID. (Leave my clothes there.) And wind chill of -19 or not, when I
got undressed, my penis was sticking straight out. And not only that,
soon as my plan to leave my clothes behind a bush and run at least three
quarters of a mile popped into my head, it went up to it's maximum angle
in about one second. And away I went, with the sub-Artic air whistling
around my ears and my stiff penis whipping wildly about.

And for awhile it was wonderful. I forgot all about how cold it was. The
more I ran, the greater was my ecstasy and there's just no other way of
describing it that I can think of right now. Whippedy whippedy, whip whip
whip it went (it was still skinny) and it just kept feeling better and
better!! Then all at once, SPURT SPURT spurt... it happened. Really! I
didn't even have to touch it, just kablewy! Only then I felt a bit
chagrined, not to mention very, very COLD.

And to be honest, I was more than just a "bit" chagrined. Words just
can't do justice to the wave of self-loathing that washed over me. Well,
there ARE some words, but... I don't want to totally ruin this story, but
you know how it is, right? While in the throes of passion you forget
EVERYthing, then it's over and you feel drained and if you're like naked
and it's -19 out there,  you feel kind of stupid, you know? So anyway,
shivering and shaking, my teeth chattering uncontrollably, I was making
my way back to my abandoned clothes, when all at once things took a turn
for the worse. Imagine that.

Because all at once I heard voices! FAMILIAR voices and laughter! And
they were fast approaching. Me. Without any clothes on. So about to come
down with hypothermia or not, I DOVE into the bushes and hoped for the
best.

Well, at least they didn't see me. And they were running fast as they
could, so it wasn't long until they were out of sight. And I guess they
WOULD be running fast as they could, because they didn't have any clothes
on either. Aside from their shoes and socks. (And by the way, I had my
shoes on too. I mean I wasn't INSANE.) But anyway, there were four of
them. Tyndal Williams (our 8th grade class president), the Brody twins
and Constantin. More about Constantin later. You BET there will be more.

And more about the other three too, actually, but first I guess I ought
to tell you that I DID get sick over all that. Really. It worked. For
eight days. Only for six of those days I wasn't able to enjoy myself all
that much. Although I did have a good dream. It was a feverish dream, but
still...

It was sort of a nightmare at first, only then it got better. I was naked
again. Out in the woods. Only at least I wasn't freezing my ass off,
matter of fact, I was burning up. But anyway, I was naked and here they
came again, Constantin, Tyndal and the twins, only this time I was just
standing there like a deer caught in the headlights. And they were
laughing at me, even though they were starkers as well. But the reason I
was just standing there was that I couldn't take my eyes off their dicks.
So the nightmare part was that they KNEW what I was staring at. Shit,
they knew EVERYTHING because I was getting hard. In FACT, I was about to
shoot off!

Then I did. That's the good thing about wet dreams, if you dream you're
about to shoot off, you really ARE about to. But of course it's also the
BAD thing about them, because it almost always happens too soon. And in
the case of this dream, they were getting closer and closer... oh geez,
they were gonna make me TOUCH them (squirt)... Shit! (See, I'd never
touched anybody else's dick in real life. But in my dream I was about to.
Right on the VERGE.)

And I exactly knew whose dick I wanted to touch first. Constantin's.

I'd always had a crush on him, I guess from about the 2nd grade. He
seemed to be everything I wasn't. Supremely confident in himself, even if
he was quiet. He always seemed to have great common sense, while that
never seemed to be one of my strong points. Not bookish, but he had no
problems in school. I WAS bookish, but had all kinds of problems in
school, mostly because the subjects I was interested in weren't the
subjects being taught at that moment. And right from the start he always
exuded an air of tragic mystery. Not that he ever ACTED tragic, but it
seemed that he SHOULD because he was a Romanian orphan, adopted as an
infant by the Tylers. (So really, having been adopted as an infant would
pretty much rule out his ever having been aware of his previous tragic
circumstances, but then I was always big on tragedy, in a Dickensonian
kind of way, so there you go.)

But one good thing about being a Romanian orphan of tragic circumstances
was that no one had ever gotten around to cutting off his noozle. I'm not
sure, but I guess he was the only male in our town who even HAD a noozle.
So of course THAT was very interesting, why back in the 5th grade when he
let me see it one time, I even let on about it. But nothing ever came of
this. Well, it was just one of those "I'll show you mine if you show me
your's" kind of things you know. Not surprisingly, Constantin was the
instigator, and really if I hadn't been so damn shy and such a klutz when
it came to sports, we might have become pretty good friends, since he
only lived about a block away from me.

Like me, he was small for his age, but he was a good athlete. Wiry and
fast, with good hand-eye coordination. He had jet black hair. Big tragic
dark brown eyes. Smooth olive brown complexion. And a noozle. But I never
let on, I just COULDN'T, and as we grew older, the possibility of us ever
being more than just nodding aquaintances seemed very remote. And I never
got to see his noozle again until the night him and his friends went
streaking by me. So I really didn't get as good a look as I would have
liked, but I did notice that his had grown long and skinny. Pretty much
like mine (didn't see any hair, either) except his looked a bit longer
because of that wonderful noozle. It was a LONG noozle.

But you know, ANOTHER good thing about having a high fever is that if
you're fixating on something it can get pretty surreal and what happened
with me was that all at once I was seeing his dick bounce around in slow
motion. So in the end I DID get a good look and in retrospect my
imagination wasn't that far removed from reality. I'm not suggesting that
you should go out and get yourself so sick you've got a temperature of
104, but in my case it produced some really nice waking dreams.

I knew what our class president looked like without his clothes on. And
it wasn't bad. He was the only one who had hair. A nice little
brownish-red bush. And a decently large dick. Which was bouncing stiffly
pretty much at horizontal. (GASP!) I'd seen our class president with a
boner!

Actually Tyndal was pretty nice. He was very popular (how ELSE would be
elected class president?) and his folks were well off, but he never acted
like he looked down on anybody. He was just friendly, that's all. But I
never EVER would have thought...

Well shit. I thought it was pretty interesting, that's all. And then
there were the Brody twins. They were in the 7th grade, but their dicks
were almost adult-sized. Only like I said, no hair yet. But boy oh boy
was it ever interesting seeing their identical dicks bouncing around in
slow motion!

Well, they WERE identical twins you know. Tommy and Dorsey. Both very
blond. And while it might seem sterotypical, they WERE holy terrors.
Seemed like they were ALWAYS into some kind of mischief. Which they
usually got away with, partly I guess because it was hard to figure out
which one actually did it. But I always felt sort of intimidated by them.
I guess because I figured if they ever really got to know me, they
wouldn't like me. Back then I had some pretty serious self-esteem
problems.

Really, I'm going to try to get away from all this negative shit soon as
I can; you'll see; but I really didn't think much of myself. And having
arrived at the conclusion that I was probably gay just made things worse
because the fact is my old man was real damn homophobic. Whole town
seemed to be really. And it was a small town. So I had a dirty secret I
never wanted to get out. I didn't know if Constanin and the other three
were gay, but I doubted it. They COULDN'T be. I HAD heard of circle jerks
and I'd heard of streaking just for the pure hell of it, all of which
seemed to be fun activities all right, but I could not imagine my ever
being asked to join into such activities.

I spent most of that summer up in Bloomington taking some geeky extra
credit classes at IU. I had an aunt and uncle who lived up there, which
took care of most of the expenses, so my old man let me go. And it would
have been pretty nice except for my cousin Jeff. Not that it was all
HORRIBLE, mind you, but it sure could have been a lot better.

Jeff was 17. And unbeknownst to his parents, (and to me, prior to that
summer), he was also gay. But not all gays are nice, agreeable people and
I just never liked him that much, OK? So to make a long story as short as
I can, I discovered there was a lot more to gay sex than just circle
jerks and streaking. Before the summer was over, I'd done it all. And it
was pretty intense at times. It felt good. Occasionally AWESOME. So no,
it's not like he raped me. But I never felt good about myself. So of
course I was a long ways from feeling good about being gay. The me that
wants to be a nice person will say that I hope somewhere down the line he
finds somebody who can love him, the REAL me says he's a damn jerk.

So OK. Back home that fall, things sort of started out badly. Mostly
because all the girls thought Constantin was cute. Well, they ALWAYS
thought he was, but before he'd mostly ignored them. NOW he was flirting.
So it looked like there was no possible way... well, you know. Maybe he
was on that slippery slope that leads to marriage. Although at least he
wasn't dating them yet. And besides that, in a way things were better.
Because of geometry. Because he was having some trouble with it and I
wasn't. Not that I'm a brainiac when it comes to that stuff, but I got by
OK. So seeing as how he still lived close by, it wasn't long until he
wondered if I could come over and give him a little help. Yes! YES!

Even if at first you would have thought I was going out on a date with
some girl or something. I mean, you know, at first I was real nervous.
And very self-conscious. And I kept stuttering. But eventually I was
almost at ease around him. It was like we were friends.

But of course there were things about myself I could never tell him. In a
way I sort of wanted to bring up that streaking incident... "Oh by the
way" I'd say casually, "You know last winter? When it was so cold? Well,
I just happened to be walking home and... and..." and then I'd start
stuttering. And blushing. I was sure of this. So I didn't bring it up.

But you know one thing geometry's good for? Rocketry. He was good at
making them (with warheads), I was good at figuring out where they would
probably end up. (Preferably not in Miss Jackson's bedroom.) Soo...
before long we were hanging out quite a bit. If I'd still been like ten
years old, I think I could have convinced myself we were almost best
friends and I wouldn't have minded Tyndal or the twins being around
either. Because once our rockets started really taking off, they were
around often enough. But shit, Tyndal was going out pretty steady with
Melissa, who was the hottest girl in the 9th grade, and the twins were
flirting with just about every half-good-looking girl in school, even if
that's about all there was to it; just goofing off you know... so what
ever they MIGHT have done the year before, they now seemed to be grown
out of. I knew all about that. Because I'd looked up a lot of stuff at
the IU library. It proved to be quite informative. And I was very sad.
Because I'd missed all of it.

And I guess this sadness I kept deep inside caused me to occasionally be
a bit thin-skinned. My feelings were hurt way too easy. I KNEW I would
never be as close to Constantin as he was with Tyndal and the twins; and
it was ESPECIALLY galling in the case of the twins because they seemed
utterly lacking in... well, you know... sensitivity. But this sometimes
getting upset over nothing (that I could admit to) DID put a strain on
our friendship. I mean I came pretty close to blowing it.

In early October Constantin broke his leg playing soccer. Well, that's
what we call it. What's football just about everywhere else is soccer
over here. But anyway, I heard about it and worried sick after school let
out, I went by his house to see how he was feeling. Much to my relief the
others weren't around. Tyndal or the twins, I mean. So here he was home
by himself still in his gym clothes with a cast up to his knee and in
pain and they were out running around. But that was good. Because maybe
now he'd see just how good a friend I was. So of course I was concerned
about how he was feeling. "Well, I hope it doesn't hurt TOO long" I said.

"Oh, don't worry" he said, "I've felt worse. Besides, they gave me some
pain pills. I'm a little doped up now. But it'll be all right. Don't
worry about it, OK?"

"I'll try not to" I said. "So do you feel like playing cards or
something?"

He yawned. "Not really. I feel kind of dopey. I guess I'll just watch TV
for a little bit and then go to sleep... You can stick around awhile if
you want to though."

"Yeah, sure" I said gratefully. "But if I can do anything just ask, OK?"

So about half an hour later he said, "I'll tell you what I really wish is
that I could get in the tub. I don't much feel like standing up in the
shower right now, but it sure would.." (yawn) ".. feel good to soak
awhile. ... You suppose you could give me some help?"

I shrugged and answered, "I guess so. So what you want me to do?"

"Well, I might as well get these gym clothes off first" he said and he
started undressing. (!!!) Although of course I acted entirely
disinterested. Which was kind of difficult. I'm surprised he didn't hear
my heart pounding. He wasn't going to get NAKED, was he? (Well, yes he
was. (!!) That's what you usually do when you get in the bathtub.) So had
it gotten any bigger? (It had. But then so had mine.) I'd finally started
growing some hair, had he? (YES!) And it was cute too. A little black
bush. It looked so soft and downy and... and I looked disinterested. Or
at least I TRIED to.

But I needed to say SOMETHING, didn't I? "So when did YOU start growing
hair?" I casually wondered. And it felt like my ears were getting red.

But apparently I hadn't blown it quite yet. "Oh, a couple of months ago I
guess" he yawned. ... "You got any yet?"

I'm not sure. Did that sound at all hopeful? I GUESS it did, I mean why
would he care one way or the other? "Yeah, finally" I stammered.

Oh, and I also thought he looked awfully cute with that cast. He just
did, that's all.

But anyway, he stood up and started wobbling slightly. Snapping out of
it, I asked, "So you want me to help you?"

"Yeah, I guess" he replied. .. "Umm, do you think you could maybe let me
ride piggy-back?"

My heart racing, I asked him neutrally, "You mean to the bathroom?"

"No, around the block... Yes, to the bathroom. What did you think I was
talking about? And watch out for my leg. ...Please?"

So I got to tote him naked on my back to the bathroom. Life just couldn't
get any better. When I kicked his door open he just about slipped off.
"Hey, watch out!" he said, "See if you can't get a better grip on me!"

"Well you're about to choke me!"

"So push me up a little."

Which is how I first got a feel of his butt. A GOOD feel. About where his
cheeks meet his thighs. Holy SHIT! And I was sort of hoping to feel his
penis pressed against the back of my neck. You think?

Which I DID, but I WASN'T expecting him to get an erection. Right before
he hopped on my back it was limp, then I thought I felt SOMETHING out of
the ordinary when he was just hanging on and about to choke me, and then
I knew for SURE he was stiff and getting harder by the moment. Which sure
was an interesting sensation, even if at first I was more nonplused than
anything else. I guess the biggest fear was he would decide it wasn't
such a good idea for me to help him out. Maybe he'd want me to leave.
Just my luck. And all because HE got a boner.

Only he didn't say anything about it; he didn't say anything at all
except I would probably have to help him get into the tub.

"Yeah, sure" I stammered. His erection seemed a lot bigger than I
expected and I sure was hoping to get a good look at it, so I was more
than just a little relieved that he was taking it all in stride.
Apparently better than I was. Because I was wondering if I ought to
mention it or something. Only I couldn't think of HOW.

Well anyway, once into the bathroom I let him slide off my back. He
definitely still had an erection, but I was starting to believe maybe it
wasn't so big after all. It was difficult to tell and while I was dying
of curiosity, I was afraid to look at him right at that particular
moment. He sat down on the commode. (The seat was down.) My heart was
hammering. Trying to keep the tremor out of my voice, I asked, "So you
want me to run some water?"

"Yeah, I guess so" he replied. Then he added ruefully, "It looks like I
got a boner." And I detected a tremor in HIS voice.

I started to casually glance back at him but chickened out. Again. "So it
happens" I said wisely. "Pops up for no reason at all; that's what it
does to me; but if you're not worried about it, I don't guess I am
either. So I mean how much water you want in the tub?"

After a short pause he mused, "Well... since I'm going to keep my leg out
of the water for now.. I mean it's all right to get it wet, but it  might
smart a little; so in that case... I guess I'll have to just about be
laying down.. But I don't want to drown... Well shit! I don't think I CAN
soak. Maybe we better forget the whole thing.... Unless maybe you want to
give me a sponge bath."

"What, you mean with a wash cloth?" I glanced back at him, then quickly
looked away and hoped he hadn't changed his mind now that I'd actually
looked at it. It looked almost like I looked when I got hard. Except for
that wonderful noozle. It was stretched up tight and I still couldn't see
his glans. You know what? I think it's downright barbaric, the way most
parents are in our country, routinely having your noozle cut off before
you even know it's there; I mean that sucks!

But anyway, as it turned out, I hadn't scared him off. Because after all,
if I was going to give him a bath, I'd HAVE to see it. And that's what he
wanted. With a wash cloth. After I ran a little water in. If I would. I
mean normally he wouldn't ask me to do that, but under the circumstances,
if I could, he'd really appreciate it.

So I said, "Oh, I guess I can."

And so I CAREFULLY helped him into the tub. His boner hadn't subsided one
iota, but for just awhile we pretended not to notice. I took a deep
breath and began gently washing his face. He said, "Oh man! You have no
idea how good that feels!"

"Well, I'm glad" I said. And so I gently and cautiously washed his face,
back, chest, arms, feet, one entire leg and about halfway up both thighs.
But of course by the time I finally got around to his thighs I was
becoming much MORE cautious.

He wondered, "So you gonna wash my tummy?"

So I shrugged and began doing just that and soon enough my hand brushed
up against his rod which was nearly up against his lower abdomen. So it
would've been sort of difficult to have avoided it. But he didn't say
anything. So I asked, "How far down you want me to go, anyway?" I asked
him that just as I touched his bush. I HAD to, if only for one fleeting
instant. Because I had a sinking feeling I was about to out myself. It
just hit me all at once.

Which really is the damnedest thing, because it was at THAT point that he
asked, "So I gotta ask you a question, OK? And really, it don't matter to
me if you are, but... are you gay?"

I was dumbfounded. I'm surprised I managed to say anything at all, but
finally I managed, "I'm not sure.  ...Maybe." Yep, I'd just outed myself
all right.

"Hey, Todd. Look at me, OK?" (That's my name, by the way. Todd. Guess I
never got around to mentioning that before.) "I don't CARE if you're gay.
Long as you don't care if I am. And as long as you can be quiet about it.
That's all. 'Cause you know WHY we got to be quiet, don't you?"

I almost started crying.


Well, I just think that's a good place to end this chapter. The old
cliff-hanger routine. I DO want to continue (first times are always
really nice), but I guess it sort of depends on response. While I don't
need CONSTANT reassurance, I do need a little from time to time. So I
give up, SHOULD I? You know, continue?

Please advise.

jjjanicki@gmail.com