Date: Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:20:10 -0500
From: J.J. <jjjanicki@gmail.com>
Subject: Constantin-chapter 19

This story is intended for mature audiences only. Which is something
I've mentioned one way or another previously. About 18 times I think.
So this makes NINETEEN.

But beyond that I feel like I should add one other cautionary note:
The start of this chapter is almost beyond a doubt more intense than
has been the case in any previous chapters. It's already been
foreshadowed though. Eventually the shit was going to hit the fan, it
was almost inevitable. And to be honest, I wasn't sure how much of
that should be left between the lines, but eventually the worst aspect
of the confrontation (which can best be described as an emotional
roller coaster) is for the most part only hinted at. I know where the
story's going, so it's possible this emotional turmoil still needs to
be dealt with, but for now that's something you'll need to guess at.
And I'm sure at least a few hints.

But then on the OTHER hand (before I scare too many readers off),
Todd's situation improves a great deal. In this very chapter. He does
have a certain amount of resilience. Quite a bit, actually.


                             Constantin
                             chapter 19


The last chapter ended on this note: Even if that really wasn't the
only reason. (I had an upset stomach.) Because to tell you the truth,
that afternoon I wasn't sure if I even WANTED to get naked around
them. If you will check back, you'll notice that my stupid id still
seemed to be up to it, but the rest of me was a bit apprehensive. But
as for why I was feeling that way... well, I guess I can get to that
in the next chapter.

So your reaction was something like, "Shit! His conscience is
bothering him! Nooo..."

Or maybe that WASN'T your reaction. but if it was, even just a little,
well, don't worry about it. Shit, I had an erection, didn't I? So
while I was feeling bad about SOMETHING, it wasn't about getting naked
with the preacher's kids. Under normal circumstances I was still very
much in favor of that.

They knew something was wrong Wednesday night, though. NOTHING was
wrong after school that day, even if we didn't get naked. We played
Monopoly. Their father didn't work on Wednesdays, remember?

That night I sat with my parents. And I suppose the Kellys might have
noticed that I was walking a little gingerly, and when I sat down I
winced. Neither my father or my mom made a big deal out of my not
standing up when the others were asked to do so afterwards: I'd
managed to sit down once, I guess they were looking at it like maybe I
shouldn't be made to go through that ordeal too many times. And at
least the pews were padded. But I did glance over at the Kellys while
the saved were up front and they looked sort of worried. So I gave
them the best wry grin I could manage, shrugged and gave them a quick
thumbs up. I just wanted them to know it was cool. Even if it wasn't.

Ever hear of "The Chocolate War"? If you haven't read that book, maybe
if you ever get the chance, you should. I mean it's a good book
really, but if you want my brief report on it: I didn't like it.

See? I told you I'd be brief. But OK, it's about a 14-year-old
Catholic school kid who dares to fight the system. "Dare I disturb the
Universe?" That becomes his motto, that's what makes him continue to
fight when there's almost no way he can hope to win. The system is
corrupt, just as it often is in real life. But in the end, just as in
real life, the system wins. And I could accept that. I would have much
preferred a happy ending, but in life there aren't always going to BE
happy endings. But what I could NOT accept was the boy saying at the
end that it wasn't worth it, you shouldn't even TRY to disturb the
Universe (system). I can't accept that and I hope I never do.

But I was thinking something like, "Hey Jerry, if you think YOUR fight
was impossible, you ought to try THIS!" (Jerry Renault being the
put-upon protagonist in the book.) Fourteen-year-olds do have an
occasional tendency to make themselves the central character in a
tragedy of cosmic proportions, I suppose, but when my father came back
and asked me to forgive him, I did. Because while on one hand I almost
hated him, I could remember the part about him that cared about me and
took care of me and sometimes made me laugh so hard it almost HURT...
and him asking me to forgive HIM made ME start crying, but I did the
best I could. And hoped that would be the end of it.

But if you know anything about churches like the one I was in, then
you should know that WASN'T the end... and if you've figured much
about me, then you should also know why I don't feel like going into
more detail.

Except that I left that night without having become one of the pod
people. (Whew!)

Well, OK, bad analogy as pod people are characterized by their utter
lack of emotion, which definitely wasn't the case THAT night (or at
any other time now that I think of it), but the end result if I gave
in seemed to be somewhat similar, so... so OK, then.

But WHY did I have trouble sitting that night? Because of "The
Chocolate War". I was going to take it back to the library after we
got home that afternoon, but I stopped to get a drink of water and I
put it up on the counter. And then my father saw it and oh boy oh BOY!
Because the Indiana chapter of the Legion of Decency had just recently
sent out a newsletter in which that book was mentioned. As in being
pornographic. Masturbation was discussed in that book!

Well, big whoop. But yeah, what followed was painful. Hello belt. But
at least it was with my clothes on. But then after he was finished
(whew! I survived another!) he told me we were going together, right
THEN, and we were going to confront that lady librarian (Miss Jackson,
somebody I really like, one of Constantin's rockets ending up in her
bedroom not withstanding), that's when it REALLY hit the fan. You
know, I think in retrospect Miss Jackson would have understood that I
wasn't the brainwashed one, it was my old man who was making me say
that stuff- but I didn't think about that and I already was feeling
like my treatment was pretty unjust, so I just yelled (blubbered,
whatever), "The FUCK I am!"

And that was brilliant, simply brilliant. One f-word and defying my
father. So OK, I could now forget about being fully clothed.
Completely. And I can sure as hell forget about the possibility of
understating things from that point on.

Although I suppose I might at least employ a little misdirection here
by mentioning something else that hit me about the time he told me to
get my clothes off. "Oh shit!" Right. The "uh oh" part. The case of
the missing pubes. As though I didn't ALREADY have enough to worry
about. But as it turned out, he never noticed. I'm not sure, but it's
possible he hadn't even seen me naked since before I had any in the
first place, but whatever, at least that didn't come up.

AND I suppose in limiting myself to nothing beyond 'it hurt like
fucking HELL', maybe I still AM understating things, but hopefully you
can forgive me for doing that.

But at long last it was over and then he turned me around and asked,
"So, you ready to do what I tell you to now?"

I don't THINK I was trying to get myself killed, but the answer was
still "NO! I will NOT!" But I guess he saw it in my face, that right
at that moment I absolutely HATED him. And that stopped it, he just
told me to go to my room.

So did I win? Considering the shape my butt was in, I'd say that's
pretty debatable and taking into consideration the emotional turmoil
that followed that night, I had to know I was in a game I could not
POSSIBLY win and it didn't take very long for me to figure that out. I
guessed I could last until the summer, after that, all bets were off.
But I didn't have a clue right then as to exactly what I was going to
do at that point, I just knew I had to get away. For everybody's sake.

For my mom's sake. And for mine again. I was on my bed laying on my
stomach (you think?) when my mom came in. And she sat down and started
rubbing suntan lotion on my butt. And yeah, that was soothing. And oh
good, now I was about to have another emotional circuit blown. Jeez!
And she was talking real soft about how my dad didn't mean what he
said and how she'd take the book to the library and nothing more would
be said about it and... that's the end of my report on "The Chocolate
War".

But anyway. I still was having trouble sitting Thursday afternoon. So
it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened, but if you
were either Jacob or Noah... well, what were you going to say?

Jacob cleared his throat. "Bad?"

"Yeah... well, not as much as yesterday, but it's OK.."

Then Noah cut in with "Umm...so...Why are we stopping?" (The "umm...
so-" was being directed my way I think, but then the part about us
stopping was to Jacob.)

Well, I told him it was cool, right? Well, I GUESS I did, but have you
ever seen a hopeful naked teenaged boy driving home with a hard-on?
Shy hopeful naked? "Gee, I hope I'm doing the right thing, but he did
say it was cool," hopeful naked? Oh I know, how about DOUBTFUL hopeful
naked? And I'm pretty sure there was an apprehensive hopeful naked,
and I could relate to the apprehensive part myself... But DAMN! I wish
I had a video of that. Just our facial expressions, that's all. "Oh
look! There's a DUBIOUS! ... but still hopeful..

Because in Jacob's case, hopeful pretty much remained a constant. And
he sure didn't lose his hard-on... and it didn't take long for me to
pitch a tent... so it seemed fairly obvious his hopes were going to be
realized soon enough.

I was still a little dubious about it, though. But everybody except me
was naked soon as we got downstairs and I was down to my boxers. And
then I noticed my dick was sticking out. Sigh. "Your dad ever whip you
guys?"

Sort of neutrally, Jacob replied, "Yeah, sometimes."

Sigh. "Well, OK then."

"Wow! He got you GOOD!" exclaimed Tommy.

"Well, don't act like you're so excited about it," admonished Noah,
then he went, "Oh MAN!"

And I was like... umm... I'm not exactly sure. Mixed emotions, but I'm
sure self-conscious was in there and I was looking at Jacob like...
well, I don't know, like, "So you want to see too?"... when somebody
kissed it. My butt.

Right. "!!?!!"

"Tommy just kissed your butt," said Noah, informatively.

"It makes it feel better, doesn't it?" Like it was a common everyday
occurrence with no more significance than blowing up the chicken
house.

I was speechless. My mouth dropped open and I was looking at Jacob
(and I'm pretty sure he knew EXACTLY what I was thinking) - "Your
brother just kissed my ASS!", that's what I was thinking, but ANYway,
we both had just reached "Uh...well... umm- or at least something like
that (and Jacob was turning a little red I noticed) -

But then Tommy explained. "That's what we do when one of us gets a
whipping because THAT way -" (and then I got BOTH cheeks kissed) -
"it's not so bad. ...Is it?"

"Umm... well, I-" Actually I was still trying to process everything.
Like for instance the fact that I'd just got both cheeks kissed at the
same damn TIME. Which could only mean-"

"I mean, you're not mad about it or anything, are you?" (Noah.)

"Well, no, but-"

Jacob turned a little redder. "Well, it's like... well, what I mean is-"

"See, it's just between us," Noah interrupted helpfully, "Nobody else
can know about it but us, but we just do it because-"

"It makes us feel better," Tommy finished. "Want me to do it some more?"

"Umm-" (Kiss kiss) DAMN! I looked at Jacob... well, quizzically.

"Well, it's symbolic" Jacob finally managed. Which did make sense.
Because there sure was a lot of symbolism here.

"Oh," I said.

Jacob rushed on. "It's like we're saying we're in it all together,
see? Because if anybody ELSE knew, they'd be like... well, you know...
but... well, you want us to?"

Damn.

As long as you don't get yourself killed, there are times when
martyrdom isn't that awful. And when I could finally stop laughing (I
couldn't HELP it after awhile), I said I'd kiss their asses too. Just
so they'd know we were all in this together.

"Yeah, it'll be like we're in a secret club," said Noah enthusiastically.

So now I was in TWO secret clubs.

But really, it sort of tickled in an almost too sensitive sort of way
(and I was afraid somebody was going to try giving my bottom a hickey)
so eventually I mentioned rubbing sun tan lotion on it. That works
REAL good. It worked good when my mom rubbed it on me... but let's not
go there again, OK? Except that it wasn't the most horrible experience
of my life.

But anyway. They didn't have any sun tan lotion, but they did come up
with some Jergens hand lotion. And that worked good, too. Personally I
didn't mind too awfully much kissing ass but I liked rubbing better.
And then after a little bit I mentioned where ELSE it would be good to
rub.

And Jacob said, yeah, he was thinking about that too.

So OK then. Much as I wanted to do all of them, one does have to keep
up appearances, at least for awhile, so I suggested the circle bit. I
ended up with Jacob, (and I could live with that), Tommy ended up
doing me. He seemed to be getting the technique down pretty good. Even
if he COULD have slowed down a little.

I WAS trying to make Jacob's last awhile, but it just didn't matter. I
mean a couple of pulls and he was already on the verge. Oh well. I
could watch Noah squirm. He was sitting directly across from me. Nice.

And then, once everybody caught their breath, things got even MORE
interesting. I know, I know, you're probably wondering to yourself at
this point, "just HOW can things just keep getting interestinger and
interestinger in this story, I mean aren't there supposed some BORING
parts every now and then?"

Well, no, there's NOT supposed to be any boring shit in this story. At
least, not intentionally. So anyway... then once we caught out breath,
things got even MORE interesting. Really. Trust me on this.

I KNOW Jacob was kidding around (at first), but after a little bit he
went, "Todd? Are you SURE this doesn't make you go insane? How long
you been doing it?"

So I told him since I was 12 and I was pretty sure it wouldn't make
you go insane but it might make you kind of weird after awhile. And I
didn't mention the vacuum cleaner. Or the lawn mower. Or running naked
through the woods when it was 5 above zero and that without the wind
chill being factored in.

Jacob went, "So I guess we can keep doing it for awhile longer, then.
But about the time one of us starts acting weird as you do, that might
be a warning sign?"

So of course I mentioned him driving home naked and then he mentioned
me and Noah Tuesday and everybody reminded Tommy of - well, in his
case there's not much point because he already IS crazy, but
EVENTUALLY Noah said to me, "Well, if you're not going crazy, then why
did you let Tommy get in the shower with you?"

"Well, he just walked in, that's all, so what was I supposed to do -"

"Did he try to goose you?"

"I DID," crowed Tommy.

So very carefully I started, "So just how long has this been going on
anyway? I mean with Tom-" .... and then it hit me. "And how in the
HELL did ANY of you manage NOT to know about orgasms if he was doing
THAT to you ANYWAY?"

Noah seemed quite puzzled. "Well what's him poking his finger up my
butt got to do with that?"

Oh. And I thought about it. No, it seemed likely none of them knew the
first THING about that button. So maybe-

Then Jacob interrupted my thoughts with, "So did you goose him BACK?"

"No, he was chicken," answered Tommy quickly. And right about then I
was very thankful for that.

"He likes it, you know." (Jacob.)

"Well... ummm... (Guess.) (Me, of course.)

"Well it feels kind of good," shot back Tommy. Even if he sounded a
wee bit defensive about it.

"Well, sometimes...umm... well, you've heard of... well, like,
erogenous zones?" I was directing that tentative question towards
anyone who wanted to answer, you know. And it was VERY tentative, I
can assure of that much.

"HERE'S an erogenous zone," answered Jacob, and with that he gave his
spent noodle a yank. "Or at least it used to be."

"And it will be again, but... well see, you've got LOTS of erogenous
zones, like for instance if you kiss? Especially like when you're
frenching? You've heard of that, right? So-"

"I'm not sure about kissing yet," cut in Noah, "except maybe if one of
us gets it REALLY bad..." and he trailed off thoughtfully.

And I thought to myself, "WHAT?? ... ummm... no. Let's don't go there
either." Then I found my voice again. "But anyway, that's an erogenous
zone. And here's another," and I stroked my left nipple. My class was
paying rapt attention. "It depends, I mean it's not the same for
everybody, but really, almost any place can be an erogenous zone.
Rubbing noses like the Eskimoes do it could get you fired up a little,
maybe even a LOT, but-"

"Hey! That's a good idea! That could be how we finish our meetings, we
rub noses!" And that was Noah again. Once that boy got started, he was
almost as persistently excited as Tommy was. (But everybody thought
rubbing noses together was a good idea. Myself included. In fact I was
thinking about mentioning that to my other club as well. It just
seemed like a neat thing to do, that's all.

But about erogenous zones. "But ANYway, there are SOME places that are
REALLY intense, but..." and I paused and glanced around at those rapt,
still mostly innocent faces... and then I glanced again at Noah who at
that moment had his knees drawn up so he could rest his face on
them... which meant his little brownish pink hole was partially in
view...

And I thought about it and I thought about it... and I was TRYING to
figure out a way to introduce the NEXT concept...

When Jacob cleared his throat and said, "So what you're saying is that
there's what's basically getting your rocks off... I mean we have
HEARD of that term, Todd... but there's that and then there's... sex,
right?"

"Well... yeah."

"But we don't..." and HE thought about it... and then he sort of
grinned at me and shrugged. "No girls. But maybe... oh hell. Maybe.
Later. ... Probably. ... I think. Next week or something, OK?"

I shrugged. Two could play this game. "Yeah, I guess. ... Maybe."


It is starting to look kind of promising, though. Because not long
after that, me and Jacob took a shower together. Jacob told his little
brothers it was his turn (???) and anyway, they could get off over and
over at least until it was about to fall off, but it took US longer to
get it going again.

So I guessed we were GOING to. Get it going again. In just a few minutes.

"So," I asked as we made our way upstairs, "you been practicing a lot?"

"Yeah" he laughed, "A WHOLE lot. I did it six times yesterday."

"Shit! ... REALLY?"

"Yeah, but number five wasn't so hot. Six was when I was having
trouble going to sleep. I made that one last a LO-ONG time. And it was
pretty good, too."

"You ARE crazy."

But it's DEFINITELY starting to look promising. Because once in the
shower HE took the initiative. I mean it was a tight fit to start
with, but anyway, he wanted us to get right up AGAINST each other, so
we were just basically hugging each other. Full body contact. With his
face right up against my cheek. Cool! And then we practiced rubbing
our noses together for awhile (and "Look! It's starting to work
again," said he... and yes, it was.) and then he wondered what it
would feel like if we were to have our dicks right together and we
were to sort of jerk off THAT way. (And at that point everything was
working really good again.) It took several minutes though. Don't know
HOW long, I mean we weren't TIMING ourselves... but it was definitely
intense.

Then after we rinsed off good, we toweled each other off, so it
doesn't look like Jacob's feeling much guilt about it. In fact it was
almost like he was worried I was going to be the one having second
thoughts.

So I don't know. But I think things are progressing fairly nicely.

Oh, and the group hug and nose rub was pretty cool as well. And that's
why when my mom picked me up that evening I was almost cheerful. A bit
pooped, but... well, think about it. I was now in TWO clubs. I mean
this was a TRIP!

                   o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

On my way home I asked my mom if I could stop at Constantin's for a
couple of minutes. Just had to ask him something about a homework
assignment, was all. So she said OK.

And thankfully, he was home then. So I asked him if he wanted to drop
by outside my window a little before midnight and he said, yeah, he
was thinking about doing just that because it was supposed to rain
Friday and then it was going to be getting a lot cooler for maybe a
couple of weeks... so OK.

He brought his sleeping bag. Good thinking, because it was a LITTLE
cool that night. But anyway, we let ourselves into our shed, jerked
our clothes off and crawled in. And for a long time we just talked.
Well, we cuddled and kissed and all, but the thing was, he'd been
pretty worried. Because I'd sort of told him what happened when I saw
him at school that day. And now he was wanting to know everything.

"You're shitting me! Because of a BOOK?"

"Well, some shit-for-brains asshole said it was pornographic."

"So was it?"

"They cussed a lot. In the book I mean. And jerking off got mentioned
a few times... I mean, some boys our age do DO that, you know."

"No they DON'T! It CAN'T.. be... but like, was there any actual porno in it?"

"No, that was pretty much it." (snicker) "Course that was the main
reason I checked it out in the FIRST place, I was hoping they might
have SOMETHING in there... boy/boy stuff. That would've been cool."

(?)... Yeah right. It just now occurred to me that maybe most readers
don't REALLY want to know about what we talked about if it isn't
pretty directly related to sex. Maybe that's the thing about being in
love, like for instance that I CAN get off on just remembering what we
talked about... but OK... I'll just try to summarize things for
awhile.

Of course he wanted to know about what happened with my old man. So
OK, NOW I needed a LOT of cuddling. And that was better than when my
mom rubbed that sun tan lotion on my butt because with Constantin I
didn't feel like there were any strings attached.

Although with Constantin I knew sex was always possible... pretty
probable in fact, but with my mom... umm, no. No way. And I'm sure her
viewpoint is the same... and that's good. I'm fucked up enough as it
is.

I had to make sure Constantin wasn't going to get so mad he was going
to get into it with my old man, though. I mean if THAT happened, we'd
BOTH end up in juvenile, and they'd probably make real sure we weren't
in the same cell block, too. Or in whatever they have in juvenile.
Shit, they'd probably make sure we were in separate facilities, even.

But anyway. I WAS going to throw in a little more sex here, but
there's not that much to add really. I mentioned at some point how it
would be nice if he'd suck my dick, so OK, that was no problem... and
then of course I wanted to suck his, so that wasn't a problem either,
but mostly we just talked and talked. Till around 4:30 in the morning,
then we figured it might be a good idea if my little ass was back in
my room asleep.

I did mention the developing situation over at the Kellys'. Which he
thought was pretty wild. And we talked about how I might take things
to another level. And how eventually the two secret clubs might end up
merging into one. But all that was still a ways off. I might get to
some of it in the next chapter, I'm fairly sure it will come up,
but... well, stay tuned, OK?


Comments are still more than welcome. Would love hearing from you. Honest.

jjjanicki@gmail.com