Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2001 08:00:53 -0500
From: fsw99 <fsw99@pop.mindspring.com>
Subject: Chapter 15 of Dear Diary

Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual
acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

 Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

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				DEAR  DIARY

				  By Stan

			      Chapter Fifteen

"Are you gay, too? I really think you are," Mark asked.

Matt was totally floored. He really had no idea what to say in return. He
just stood, looking at Mark, with his mouth open.

"Look, I have never told anyone else I am gay before. Nobody. My parents
and both brothers are very homophobic. You ought to hear all the jokes
Bobby and Steve trade with my Dad. My Dad is just as bad. He brings home
fag jokes all the time and tells all of us. My Mom even laughs along with
him. If they found out, my life would be ruined. If anyone in the Boy
Scouts found out, they would kick me out immediately. You know how they
are," Mark said quickly.

Matt just shook his head yes. Everyone knew that the Boy Scouts patted
themselves on the back for helping to turn a boy into a man. Instill values
in him. Make him a better person. Bring me a boy and I will return to you a
man. All very conscientious goals. Of course, if the boy happens to be born
gay and they find out, he is immediately labeled as sinful and wicked, and
these very courageous leaders immediately turn their back on him, even
though he is still the same person that he was before. Very nice
policy. Really fits in with their stated goals.

"So, you know I could never tell anyone about you. I couldn't take the
chance. I just have to have someone to talk over some things. I am so
confused, and so scared someone will find out I am gay. I just feel I am
totally alone with this awful secret," Mark said, almost to the point of
tears.

Matt walked over and pulled him to him. Mark hugged him like if they were
separated he would die that instant.

"Mark, why do you even think I'm gay?" Matt asked, avoiding answering the
question. He had to know. He thought he had been so careful. He didn't want
anyone to know about him, either. Or, any of the others.

Mark pulled back and took his time to pull himself back together. "First, I
saw Jamie start to hold your hand when we were walking to the lake. Then,
well, this is kind of embarrassing to tell you," he answered.

Matt kind of blushed a little bit at the mention of Jamie holding his
hand. He had hoped no one had seen that. "Well, I really need to know."

"OK. I was climbing the cliff right behind you. I couldn't help but look up
as I looked for the next place to hold onto as I climbed. It was your butt
hole," Mark said softly, like he really didn't want to say it.

"What?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. I know it doesn't make any sense. OK, how do I say this? Well, see,
I have been doing lots of reading on the internet. I found several sites
that have gay stories. I have my own PC, so I just lock my door so my
brothers can't come in on me and read a lot."

"Ok, but what does that have to do with me?" Matt asked, becoming more
confused.

"Your butt hole was wide open. Completely dilated, like you had recently
had anal sex," Mark said so quietly that Matt could hardly hear him.

Matt blushed fiercely. "Oh shit!" he said quietly.

"Yeah. I don't think it is a good idea for you to go off the swing any
more. Maybe we had better find someplace else," Mark added.

"Yeah, I think you are right," Matt agreed. They went back to the cliff and
found that everyone else had already jumped and several were already
climbing back up the cliff.

"Mark and I are going to go swimming down by our camp site," Matt yelled
over the edge. Well, as close to the edge as he dared to go. They then
gathered all their clothes together and quickly walked towards the campsite
before anyone could ask them why.

They both jumped in the water when they got back, and just slowly treaded
water for a little bit.

"So, you are gay, right?" Mark asked seriously.

"Mark, you have to swear you won't tell anyone," Matt answered.

"I already told you that I couldn't tell anyone else. You would still have
your brothers and Jamie if anyone found out. My life would be over. I
promise. I swear. What else can I say?"

"OK. Yes, I am gay. Look, I will answer any question you want to ask me,
but you can't ask about anyone else. I can't say anything without them
knowing first," Matt answered.

"Oh, you mean everyone is gay?" Mark asked, his eyes getting big. "All six
of you?"

"Mark, I said you couldn't ask."

"OK, it's just I never would have thought it. Especially about Jamie, after
he was going to fight Bobby for the camp site. And I saw his fight with
that bigger boy at school."

"Mark, stop it. I haven't told you anyone else is gay but me, OK? I could
have been using a vibrator on myself, or something," Matt added sternly.

"In a tent with three other straight boys? Yeah, you could have, but I
think you would have gotten some really strange stares," Mark said, as he
giggled. Matt couldn't help himself. He just stared at Mark for a few
seconds and then started giggling himself.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. Let's trade telephone numbers before you and
your brothers leave.  We can talk over the phone later, and maybe you could
come over after school some time. But you understand, don't you? I can't
answer any questions about anyone else. It just wouldn't be right to talk
behind their backs."

"Yeah, I agree with that. OK, no more questions about anyone else but
you. Let's just say you have this mystery boyfriend and I have no idea who
it is. You do have a boyfriend, don't you?"  Mark asked with a big smile on
his face.

"Yeah. I guess I can tell you that," Matt smiled back.

"I just want to know what it feels like. I want someone to make love to me
so bad I don't know what to do about it. I want a boyfriend, too. But, I
don't know where to even start. I have wanted to tell several of my friends
before, but I was scared of what they might say. And who they might tell. I
took a big chance with you, but I felt like if I didn't tell somebody, I
was going to explode inside. Does that make any sense?" Mark asked.

(Young guys, this is the truth, and this isn't me joking around like I like
to do. You had better make DAMN SURE who you tell is going to be supportive
and not turn around and tell everyone else. You also have to make sure your
parents are going to be supportive first if you come out to them. Make up
someone that came out to you and tell them about it without naming names.
Yeah, it is a small lie, but you had better know how someone is going to
react before you put your trust into them.

In our small group, we have already lost three members when their parents
found out they were gay from ICQ conversations, either old chats not
cleaned up or someone else being signed on and members talking to them,
thinking it was the other person. Remember Jimmy from "One Big Happy
Family?" That is what happened to him. His younger brother had signed on as
him.  At least that is what we think. He totally disappeared immediately,
and his e-mail account was deleted.

Brian from OBHF and this story is in big trouble with his parents because a
teacher at school called twice to tell his parents that there were rumors
he was gay going around the school. Ozy told his best friend he was gay,
who immediately told his Dad, who called Ozy's Dad and told him. Neither
sets of parents were exactly supportive, but Brian's were far worse than
Ozy's, calling him "faggot" to his face. And if you read my "Matt and Mike"
story, you know how Mike's family reacted to him being gay, they disowned
him. And wait till you learn about what happened to Bruce in my next story,
"You Can't Go Back".

Learn to delete anything you look at over the internet, stories or
pictures. Everything you look at is downloaded onto your hard drive before
you can view it. Don't be scared to ever tell anyone else you are gay or
bi, but make sure you know their attitude before you say something you live
to regret. End of sermon!!!)

"Yeah, it does. Look, I'll help in any way I can. But, you have to give me
time on the rest of what you want to know, OK? If I can answer anything, I
will. If I can't right now, I'll tell you and maybe I can answer it
later. You don't have your own phone line, do you?" Matt asked.

"No, but I do have a phone in my room and we have two lines, one for
regular calls and one for the internet."

"Well, we can't take the chance of talking about anything over the phone,
then. We can plan to meet after school, but I can't take the chance of one
of your brothers or parents picking up another phone and listening
in. Agreed?"

"Sure. I hadn't thought about that. That's a good idea," Mark said.

"Look, let's get out of the water and go sit on the grass so we can talk
better." Both got out and dried off as well as they could and went to sit
down together.

"We can also talk in a chat room or over ICQ or AIM," Matt said.

"Yeah, I have both of those. Let's exchange numbers for that, too," Mark
answered.

They continued to talk for a long time. Mark had lots of questions. Matt
struggled at times to tell him what he wanted to know, but he did his
best. Several times, both boys got embarrassed, sometimes at the same time,
sometimes separately. But, Matt told him as best he could. He knew that
Mark needed someone's help, and he was determined to help him if he could.

Jamie had missed Matt as soon as Matt had left, but he didn't think
anything about it until he didn't return. He hadn't heard Matt yell, and he
finally started to ask around to see if anyone knew where he was.

"I heard him yell that he and Mark didn't want to use the swing any more
and that they were going to swim at the camp site," Steve answered.

"Oh. Well, I think I will see what they are doing. I'll be back in a few
minutes, OK?"

"Sure. Don't be gone too long. We have to leave in a little while," Steve
said.

We were having a great time together. I really liked Bobby and Steve
now. Mark, too. But I was curious why Matt and Mark had left us. Maybe Mark
didn't like heights, either. But Matt could have at least told me. I wasn't
happy that my boyfriend had just left me with no explanation.

When I finally got back to the campsite, I walked down to the lake and
didn't see anybody swimming. I was going to go and check to see if they
were in the tent, when I saw them sitting close together under a tree. VERY
close together. TOO CLOSE together to be sitting around naked, that was for
sure.

I should have just walked up to them to let them know I was there, but I
didn't. I kind of circled around where they couldn't see me, and walked up
from behind.

"How long have you known you were gay?" Mark asked.

"I don't know. Maybe two or three years. When I was younger than that,
nobody liked girls, you know? How about you?"

"I guess about the same. I sure am envious of you. I sure wish I could find
a boyfriend."

BOYFRIEND!!!! Matt had told him about us? I was instantly furious. I
stormed around the tree, scaring both of them badly. They had no idea who
had just overheard them.

"Matt, how could you have told him about us?" I demanded.

Matt just stared back at me with his mouth open. He was too stunned by my
abrupt appearance to be able to say anything. Mark looked like he was ready
to run for his life. If he told anyone what Matt had told him, he had
better be able to run very fast, because he really might be running for his
life. I was very pissed!!!

Matt finally composed himself enough to say, "I didn't tell him anything
about us. You were the one he saw try to hold my hand when we were on the
way to the swing."

"Yeah, right," I yelled, as I stormed off towards the tent.

"Jamie, wait," Matt yelled, as he got to his feet and ran after me. "Let me
explain."

"Oh, you can explain telling someone you barely know that we are both gay
and boyfriends?" I asked, as I whirled around to face him.

"Keep your voice down. You want his brothers to know, too?" Matt asked.

"Why not? I'm sure he's going to tell them, anyway. Let's just tell the
whole school. I can fight if anyone gives me shit. Can you?" With that, I
just ran for the tent. I had no idea why. The rest of my clothes were back
next to the swing. I finally remembered, and started jogging back in that
direction. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. I couldn't reason. I
couldn't do anything. Not only was everyone going to know I was gay but my
boyfriend had found someone he liked better. And I thought I loved
camping. Camping sucked!!!

I was still mad when we got back to the swing. Steve, Brian, and Nate were
standing by it, ready to take their turn.

"Hey Jamie, is anything wrong? Where are Matt and Mark?" Brian asked.

"They didn't want to come and swing out into the lake any more. Matt and I
had another fight.  That's pretty normal for us, isn't it? So no, nothing
is wrong. Is it my turn to swing?" I asked angrily.

"Sure, I guess so," Steve said, as he handed me the rope. I didn't
hesitate. I ran full speed off the edge, swung out, and tried to do a
complete hand stand before dropping. My anger threw my timing off, and
instead of gracefully letting go of the rope and entering the water head
first, I flipped and went down totally out of control. I hit wrong and
swallowed a mouth full of water.

I started panicking, like Matt had done. I was an experienced life guard,
and was doing everything they taught you not to do. It was a good thing
Bobby was down there. If it had just been Bruce and Dave, I could have been
in serious trouble. But Bobby was big and strong, and he easily helped me
back to the surface and held my head above water until I could cough out
all the water I had swallowed down my lungs.

I was almost limp in his arms. I don't know what it is about swallowing
even a small amount of water down your lungs. You know, you are taking a
sip of something and decide to take a breath at the same time? Even that
amount of liquid makes you think you are going to pass out before you can
finally cough all of it out of your system. I had just swallowed lots more
than a sip.

Bobby finally helped me over to the shore, where I finally could get to my
feet. "Are you OK, Jamie," he asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks," I replied shakily.

"Well, rest up for a few minutes and then let's all try and climb up one
more time. I think we have all had enough of this for one day. When you are
ready, I'll climb behind you, OK? If you need any help, just tell me."

I looked at him and smiled weakly. "Thanks."

He smiled back. "No problem. Maybe we are even now. Friends?" he asked, as
he held out his hand.

"Friends," I answered, shaking his hand firmly.

"Man, we thought you were in trouble there for a second. Maybe Matt is
right about swinging out this far up. I think I am just going to do simple
dives from now on," Bruce said.

"Me too," Dave agreed.

"Me too," I added weakly. They all laughed with me.

"Guys, why don't you go ahead and climb up. When you are half way up, maybe
Jamie will be ready to start climbing," Bobby said.

That was fine with Bruce and Dave. Everyone was kind of tired from all the
swimming and swinging out from the top, and it was time to relax again for
a while. They started up slowly, not nearly as fast as they all did at the
start of the day, but climbed steadily.

Are you ready?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied, as I started up, too. Bobby followed closely
behind me and soon, we were finally at the top.

We all started to dry off as good as we could and then still damp or not,
started to dress. "Guys, this has been lots of fun, but I am afraid I am
going to have to try and find some new swimming partners," Bobby said
solemnly.

"Why is that? I thought we all got along really well," Brian asked.

"Well, so do I, but I think I have had enough naked boy butt in my face as
I climbed up the cliff to last me for a while. I want to see if we can find
three sisters who like to camp and swim in the nude," Bobby kidded.

Everyone burst out laughing, including Bobby. "Well, if you can find three,
see if they have six friends. Then, we all can pair off," Nate kidded
back. Hey, have to keep up the image, you know?

"So, all we need is nine girls, from eleven to sixteen, who all don't mind
getting naked with nine horny boys and jumping off a cliff into a lake,
holding on to a small rope, right? That shouldn't be very hard," Steve said
as he laughed.

"Oh, it would be hard all right, if you could ever find them. I don't think
that is the right term. I think difficult works lots better," Bobby said,
as we all continued to laugh and joke around as we dressed. We really had
enjoyed each other's company. We had lots of fun.

Everyone seemed to be having a good time as we walked back to the
camp. Everyone but me. My anger had come back, and right now, was just
below the boiling point.

When we got back, Matt and Mark had already dressed. Good! They had better
have!!! Both glanced at me quickly, and then both averted my eyes. Just
like I thought. They both felt guilty about what they had done!!!

We thanked the three brothers for the rest of the cold drinks and then they
took their cooler and finally left. We had put the rest of their ice in a
plastic garbage bag, and we would have cold drinks for the rest of our
trip. Everyone seemed to be in a really great mood as we watched them walk
off.

Everyone but Matt and I.

All I could think of as I heard them get into their truck and drive off was
a quote from an old comedy show I had seen one time late at night when I
couldn't find anything else to watch.  "Lucy, you got lots of splaining to
do!!!"

To be continued.

We have our own web site now. Come visit our group at
www.gayfreezone.homestead.com.

Comments are appreciated and always answered.

Comments can be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com and are forwarded to a group
e-mail account so all the guys can read them too.