Date: Mon, 09 Apr 2001 13:48:25 -0500
From: fsw99 <fsw99@pop.mindspring.com>
Subject: Chapter 17 of Dear Diary

Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual
acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

 Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

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				DEAR  DIARY

				  By Stan

			     Chapter Seventeen

I knew he was hurting. It was really red and puffed up around the opening
to his anus. I knew we had done it too many times in a short period of
time. I was kind of ashamed of myself, but I had been too worked up at the
time to consider what it might do to Matt. Plus, I had no idea it could get
this sore for him. I was a virgin myself, only yesterday.

I was as gentle as I could be. Not just gentle, loving. Caring. I took
almost as much time as I had done in preparing to make love to him, but
this time, it was always just one finger. I didn't want to stretch him
anymore this time. I wanted the opening to heal and go back to like it used
to be.

When I had done as good a job as I could, I patted him on the butt and
said, "I hope that helps. I love you."

He rolled over, sat up, and kissed me. "I love you, too. Can we give each
other a blow job? It sure looks like the others are going to have sex. If
we can't make love together, can't we do that?"

"No, I don't want to," I answered.

"What? Unless you can make love to me, you don't want to do anything? If
that's the way you feel, we can still do that. I don't care if it hurts. I
just want you to love me."

I smiled at him, and reached over and kissed him quickly. "I do love you,
silly. And I'll never want to make love to you bad enough that I know it
will hurt you if I do. Never!!! I love you too much to do that. I have a
better idea."

Matt looked up at me with tears in the corners of his eyes, but with a
relieved look on his face.  "Well, what then? I don't care."

I leaned in and kissed him passionately. Then sat back and stared at
him. "What else? I want you to make love to me."

Matt's mouth dropped down to below his chin. Wide open. Dave had already
mounted Bruce, and he pulled out and stared at me. Nate was in the process
of getting Brian ready. Everybody stopped, frozen in place.

"What?" Matt yelled, and then flung himself into my arms, kissing me all
over my face and neck as we embraced.

"I think I'm ready. I have loved making love to you. I have seen all the
others love having their boyfriend make love to them, and I know I'm ready
to try it, too. You want to?" I asked.

"Does a wild bear shit in the woods?" Matt said, as he grinned back at
me. Grin really didn't express what he was showing. He was glowing. I could
see his love for me flowing out of his body like something out of a movie.

I guess he felt like I did. We didn't speak, we just stared at each other
with grins on our faces. I think both of us knew we could communicate
without saying any actual words. I think the one thing you can say to your
lover, if you really want to tell him that you really love him, and will
always love him, is that you want him to make love to you. It is a personal
sacrifice, giving up your virginity, and might be a painful sacrifice if he
isn't careful, which you can never know until it's too late. You have to
trust him, and trust him with your whole being, with your soul. It isn't
something you should ever do, just to see what it's like. You should really
love the other person, and I felt that way right now.

"Jamie, are you sure? Matt hasn't learned everything that we all taught
you. He doesn't know how to get you ready." Brian asked.

"I'm sure. Matt trusted you to teach me. I trust you to teach Matt. Will
you do that?"

Brian just got a big grin on his face. "If you're sure, I'd be honored."

Look, I am tired of writing tonight, OK? I don't think I have ever written
this much in one day.  Matt went home and called Mark. He was able to come
over and talk to Matt, Brian and Bruce that night in the back yard. I went
home, and so did Nate and Dave. All of us were really tired, but really
happy. We need a car!!! It really sucked walking back after all the
swimming and jumping off the cliff. Oh yeah, also after all the sex. I
know. None of us are old enough to drive.  That also sucks!!!!

Oh, you want to know about my first time? I guess you do.

What can I say? It was weird. It didn't really hurt, but Matt isn't very
big, thank God! It did feel good. OK, it felt really good. Hard to
explain. There was something inside of me, OK, I'm not stupid, my
prostate. When he rubbed over that, I saw stars. I really liked that!!!

Remember all the commercials on TV for weird products? All of them seem to
cost $19.95 and $5.95 for shipping. Well, if they ever offer a handy, dandy
prostate massager, I'm getting one. I have no idea where I can have it
shipped, but I want one!!! I don't think I want my Mom opening up that
package, though.

That part was really neat. Matt came way too quickly. He was just too
excited for me to really be able to enjoy it. Everyone else was still
making love after the novelty of watching Matt and I wore off. We just
cuddled for a while after wards, and then Matt got hard once again.

OK, we did it twice. Matt was lots better this time. I liked it lots
better. He remembered me going slow, and that is what he did, too.

How can I describe it? Remember, diary, I was a totally straight he man
type male ten days ago.

You have no control. You are being dominated by your lover. But, you like
it. He is making you feel really good, and you like it. OK, love it.

You tingle all over. It is like you have a thousand tiny fingers all
massaging your body at once. A million! You are being stimulated from the
inside, and it is totally different from anything you can experience
outside. I know I am not doing a really good job of explaining, but the
good parts kind of blur now, you know? Let's just say I enjoyed it, I am
not sore in the least, no hemorrhoid medicine for me, and I am really
anxious to see Matt after we get out of day four of after school Hell
tomorrow!!!! Good Night.

Monday, August 21, 2000 Dear Diary:

Look, when I started this diary, I know I promised to keep it up to
date. But, I will never try and write that much in one day again. That was
crazy. I couldn't get up this morning. Matt finally called to see what was
taking me so long.

Brian and Bruce were gone when I finally got over to their house. I didn't
blame them. Wait for me, who was late, or go see their boyfriends? Hard
choice.

Matt filled me in about Mark on the way to school. He had come over last
night while I was struggling over my word processor, and all three brothers
had talked to him for over an hour outside. Matt said he was so excited
when he left, he hugged all three and also kissed each of them on the
cheek. No, not a sexual kiss. Just more than just friends. Matt had said
that all had agreed that it was time to have a new brother. I guess we were
back to being an odd number like we were before I joined. Hey, I was the
new kid. I didn't even know if I got a vote yet. What could I say? I was
for it.

As long as he kept his hands off Matt!!!! Otherwise, he had better be able
to fight really well.

School went by quickly, for once. I think I knew some of the things we
discussed in class. Maybe.  I was always staring at Matt, and him staring
at me. Out of the corners of our eyes, of course. We sure couldn't be
caught staring at each other liked we loved each other, could we? No way!!!
We might be judged as fags!!! Homos!!! Oh yeah, I forgot. We were!!!

The only thing that was really strange was at lunch. Tad sat with us as
always, and when we were through eating whatever we were served, he steered
us back to our spot where we always talk.

"You guys look happy as Hell. So, you went camping, right?  Did you get any
further?" he asked.

"What does that mean?" I asked, starting to get mad.

"Look, I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have gone there. I just thought that
all of us were friends, and you knew I would keep your secret. Maybe I just
tried to get too personal," he answered.

"Look, Tad, we trust you, but some things aren't meant to be told, even
among people you trust.  Isn't that right, Jamie?" Matt asked.

"Yeah," I said. I handled that question well, didn't I?

"OK, I'm sorry. I won't try and pry any more. I was just curious," Tad
answered dejectedly.

"Look, Tad. You're straight, right? Why would you even want to know any
details of what Jamie and I did? Wouldn't that gross you out or something?"
Matt asked.

"No, I don't think so. I don't know. I guess I have been kind of confused
lately. I've never known anyone who were boyfriends before. All the boys
talk after they go out on dates and brag about stuff they did that everyone
knows they are making up. I guess I just wanted to hear some real details
for once," Tad answered sheepishly.

‘Sorry, bud. You know I would help you in any way I could, but no
details about Jamie and I, ever. That's just not something we care to share
with anybody."

"I understand. I'm sorry for even mentioning it. Oh, who's that?" Tad
asked, as we all looked up to see Mark walking towards us.

"Hi Mark. Mark, this is Tad, Tad, Mark. We ran into Mark and his two
brothers when we were camping this weekend. You guys don't know each
other?" Matt asked.

"No, I don't think so," Tad answered, as he shook Mark's hand.

"Me either. Thanks for talking to me last night, Matt," Mark said.

"Oh, you guys talked after coming home from camping? What did you talk
about?" Tad asked.

"Nothing much. I was just having some trouble with something from school,
and Matt helped me out with it," Mark answered, as he blushed fiercely.

"Did you and your brothers get everything done you needed to for your merit
badges this weekend, Mark?" Matt asked quickly to change the subject.

Mark looked up at Matt with a relieved look on his face. I don't think he
meant to say what he did in front of Tad. "Yeah, I guess so. Bobby said we
might go back in a couple of weeks. This time, he said we would pack really
early and make sure we are at `our` campsite before anyone else gets
there."

That made Matt and I break up in laughter, and then we had to explain to
Tad what had happened. Everyone ended up laughing about it.

Lunch was almost over, so all four of us started walking back to the main
part of the classrooms.  Tad and Mark were talking like they had known each
other for a long time. I think they might end up as friends.

Matt kept watching them, smiling hugely. I wondered what that was all
about. I would have to ask Matt later if I remembered.

They day finally ended, and we spent our next to last day of detention. I
was really ready for this to be over. The day is long enough without having
to spend an extra hour after school. I guess I didn't want to be considered
a `bad boy` any more.

Matt and I went to my house after school. The only good thing about
detention was that we always got our homework done before we left, so we
always had time for `quality time`.

What can I tell you that was different from what I have already told you?
Matt was still too sore, and I didn't want to push him. I didn't. He made
love to me twice. He's really getting good at this!!! hehehe Practice does
make perfect!!! It was easy to get me ready, easy for him to enter, and I
didn't feel bad afterwards. Plus, I felt awesome while we were doing it!!!
Maybe this was the best of all possibilities for me. He wasn't very big,
which didn't bother me as much as it did him, but he was man enough to
completely satisfy me and it really didn't hurt me. Would I have liked him
to be bigger? For him, yes. For me, no way!!! I liked him just the way he
was. OK.  Loved him just the way he was.

Tuesday, August 22, 2000 Dear Diary:

Matt and I are off detention, finally. Wouldn't you think we would be
extremely happy? No way!!!

Yesterday, he was lots better, and we made love to each other once, before
we got scared to death as Mom came home early. We were finished and just
cuddling, when we heard the garage door go up. You should have seen us set
an all time speed record for dressing under stress.

Mom asked us if we were all right when we ran down kind of winded. We told
her we were just wrestling in my room. She gave me one of those looks Moms
can give that says, `I know better`, but didn't say anything. God, I hope
she doesn't figure this out!

The only thing that was strange today was Tad at lunch. We ate quickly, and
then all three went out to our spot. Tad was really strange today. He asked
all kinds of strange questions. When did we decide we were gay? How did we
know for sure? And he was looking at Matt almost the whole time.

Matt was lots cooler about the whole thing than I was. Matt swears that
he's straight, but I'm not sure. I'm keeping a close watch on this boy. If
he is looking to steal my boyfriend, he has lots of trouble coming.

Wednesday, August 23, 2000 Dear Diary:

I knew it. I knew it!! That bastard!!! Tad told us after lunch that he
thought he might be gay, too.  Matt was thrilled. I'm not!!! I want to kill
him!!

"Is everything set for you both to spend the weekend with me?" Tad asked.

"Yeah, my parents and Jamie's Mom said it was fine with them," Matt
answered. "Why?"

"Uh, guys, this is going to be really hard for me to tell you. Please don't
tell this to anyone else, OK?" Tad asked.

"You know we won't," Matt answered. I shook my head in agreement.

"God, how can I say this? Well first, my parents are going to be gone all
weekend. Dad has the opportunity to go to a convention for high school
principals and he thinks it will be good for his career."

"Great. We will have the house all to ourselves. What's wrong with that? I
like it lots better this way. This isn't what you are having trouble
telling us, is it?" Matt asked.

I knew it wasn't. I had a real bad feeling about what was coming next.

"No.  Uh, Well, I think I might be gay too," Tad said all of a sudden.

"What? That's great. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed about. Jamie and I
can discuss it with you this weekend and answer any questions you might
have. Right, Jamie?" Matt asked enthusiastically.

"Sure, I guess so," I answered. Tad's statement really didn't surprise me
like it did Matt. I had been thinking Tad might be gay and after Matt for a
while.

"Well, see Uh, Well, I was hoping."

Tad paused, and Matt finally said "Hoping what?"

"I'm just so confused. I don't know if I am gay, bi, straight, or just
going crazy. I need to find out if I'm gay or not," Tad said so quickly
that all the words seemed to run together.

"Find out? How can we help you find out? You have to decide that for
yourself," Matt answered.

"Well, I was hoping that you and Jamie could kind of teach me what it means
to be gay?" Tad said so low we could barely hear him.

"You mean you want to have sex with Jamie and I?" Matt asked, his eyes
getting big.

Tad had been looking at the ground the whole time he had been talking. He
finally looked up into Matt's eyes, and said, "Yeah."

"I think that's a great idea. We would be honored to teach you, wouldn't we
Jamie?"

Matt seemed happy as Hell!!! He even hugged him! His old best friend!!! I
just looked at both of them, and started to walk off.

"Jamie, what do you think?" Matt asked, and then saw me walking
away. "Jamie, what's wrong?"  Matt asked, as he ran up to me.

"Nothing. Why should anything be wrong? You got what you want, you got Tad
back.  Everything's perfect. The best thing I can do is just let you two
spend the weekend at his house without me," I said angrily, as I kept
walking.

"Jamie, you know that isn't what I want," Matt answered, as he grabbed me
by the arm and spun me around to face him..

I don't know what happened next. All I know is my temper exploded, and I
pushed Matt as hard as I could. He fell on his back and just stared up at
me with his mouth wide open in surprise.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!! GO BACK AND TALK TO HIM, WHY DON'T YOU?"  I
screamed.

Tad ran up to help Matt, and I turned on him. "Leave him alone. You started
all of this. You touch him and I am going to beat the shit out of you!" I
screamed at him.

Tad was a big kid and at first, I thought we were going to fight right
there. He did square off like he was ready to defend himself, but then
said, "Jamie, I'm sorry. I didn't ever want to do anything that would cause
trouble between you and Matt, I swear. Just forget what I asked, OK?"

"Oh, just forget that you want to have sex with my boyfriend? Your old best
friend? Yeah, that should be really easy to forget," I answered, and turned
around and started walking again. I had to get away from there now, or I
didn't know if I could stop myself from tearing Tad apart. And I had never
started a fight in my life. Never! But, there is always a first time.

Matt finally scrambled to his feet and said, "Jamie, wait. Can't we talk
this over?"

"I told you to leave me alone, and I meant it. This is not the time or the
place to talk about this.  There are way to many people around," I said, as
I kept walking.

Matt stopped, and walked back to Tad. I turned around once, before I walked
around the corner.  Both were staring at me. I gave them the finger, and
turned the corner.

I ignored Matt the rest of the day. He kept trying to talk to me, but I
wouldn't listen.

When school was finally over, I put my books in my locker, got out my math
book for the ever present homework and went out a different door than I
normally use. I wasn't in a mood to see or talk to Matt right now.

I was walking home by myself when Matt ran up and joined me. "Don't you
think we need to talk about this?"

"Talk about what? Breaking up?"

Matt just pulled me to him quickly and kissed me on the lips. I pulled back
like he had just thrown a rattlesnake on my shoulders.

"Are you crazy? Anyone could have seen you do that!!!"

"I looked around first, before I ran up, OK? Isn't it OK that I can kiss my
boyfriend?"

"I thought you wanted Tad as your boyfriend."

"Well, he is blonde and blue eyed. He's really good looking. I did wish he
could be my boyfriend at one time."

"FUCK YOU!!!" I yelled, as I broke away and started walking faster.

Matt just ran up and joined me. "I kind of like this. I've never been on
the other side. You know what I mean?"

"I don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about, and I don't really
want to talk to you right now at all," I yelled, as I stopped walking and
confronted him. "You want me to finish what I started to do after lunch?" I
screamed, as I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and held my right fist
up ready to hit him. At that moment, I was ready to beat the shit out of
him.

Matt had guts, I have to admit that. He just smiled at me. "So, you want to
beat me up, huh? Go ahead. You know I don't stand a chance against you."

I didn't move. I just stared at him with hate in my eyes.

"I love you. You! Not Tad. You! I don't want anyone else. I have who I
want. But, I do have a plan. Yeah, Tad was a real good friend. He still
is. I hope he can be yours, too. You're right. I did have lots of feelings
for Tad once, and I never dreamed he could be gay. No way!!! Would I have
wanted him as my boyfriend back then, if he had told me what he did today?
Oh, yeah!!! Would I swap him for you now? Not in a million years. Now, shut
up and listen." Matt said, as he carefully removed my hand from his shirt
and smoothed it out.

We started walking after that, and I did listen. Matt could be pretty tough
when he needed to be.  This was one of those times. He beat me up pretty
bad verbally during our walk home. I deserved everything he said. He said
it was nice to be on the other end for once, trying to calm someone else
down that was getting mad too easily. I just grinned at him. Maybe he was
right.

When we got to my house, my madness went away after a few kisses. OK, a lot
of kisses.

What Matt had said made sense. I was still a little bit mad, though. I
prepared him just like I had always done, but our love making was rough
this time. Not slow at all, I just wanted him and wanted him now!!! Nothing
to try and hurt him. I wouldn't do that, but Matt told me afterwards that
he liked the change in pace. He also made love to me the exact same
way. Hard. Fast. I loved it. I wasn't mad when we finished.

I couldn't believe that Matt had talked me into doing what Tad wanted us to
do. I still can't believe it. And I still don't believe that Tad doesn't
want to take Matt away from me. But I did love Matt, and I was ashamed that
I pushed him so hard that he fell down at lunch. Fell really isn't the
word. He almost turned a somersault. So, I felt really guilty and Matt used
that to make me agree. He kept saying that he had a plan. I wasn't so
sure. And, he wouldn't even tell me what it was. I started to hit him again
when he wouldn't tell me, but he saw the flash of anger in my eyes and
quickly kissed me on the lips. Then smiled at me. And said, "Trust me."

I sure wasn't ready to teach someone else about gay love like Matt wanted
to do on Friday. We agreed on boundaries. We agreed that this was going to
be a one time thing, and after this, Tad was on his own, either way. Tad
wouldn't tell, we wouldn't tell, and Tad could make his own plans after
that. The only thing that Matt didn't tell me is that he had one more card
up his sleeve.  Well, metaphorically. He didn't exactly have on anything
resembling a sleeve when he said it.

To be continued.

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Comments are appreciated and always answered.

Comments can be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com and are forwarded to a group
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