Date: Mon, 05 Mar 2001 14:17:44 -0500
From: fsw99 <fsw99@pop.mindspring.com>
Subject: Chapter 7 of Dear Diary

Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual
acts. The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

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				DEAR  DIARY

				  By Stan

			       Chapter Seven

Thursday, August 17, 2000
Dear Diary:

The rest of the night went very slowly. I tried calling Matt several times,
but he wouldn't come to the phone. I went to bed early for the second night
in a row, but didn't sleep very well. All I could think about was how
wonderful Matt had made me feel and how hurt and angry he had been when I
wouldn't return the favor. Could I do that for him? I sure didn't think so.

The next morning, I ate a bowl of cereal quickly and walked over to Matt's
house. Bruce opened the door. "Matt has already left for school. He said
there was some homework he forgot about and he had to do it before school
starts. Come on in, though."

I knew that both of us had finished our homework in detention, so I also
knew that Matt was just avoiding me. How had all of this happened? I had
been perfectly willing to give him a hand job, eager to in fact. Why
couldn't have that been enough for him? Why did he have to give me a blow
job and force me to make a decision so soon?

I was lost in my thoughts, and hadn't even noticed Bruce talking to
me. "Matt, you there?  Anybody home?"

"Oh, sorry. Were you talking to me?"

"Well, I was trying to. I don't think I was getting through to you,
though," Bruce said as he giggled at me. "I asked if your Mom has agreed to
let you go camping with us yet."

"Yeah, but she wants to meet all three of you before we go."

"That's no problem. You just come over here after school and we can all
load up. We can go by your house on the way. Can you bring some hot dogs?
Maybe like 3 packages of them?"

"Sure. What else do you want me to bring?"

"Nothing, really. We already have everything. Tent, sleeping bags. All you
will need is a couple of changes of clothes."

"OK, that's no problem. I am really looking forward to this."

"Yeah, I'll bet you are. More than you know," Bruce answered, giggling
again.

"What's that supposed to mean? Oh, you mean about my initiation?"

Just then, Brian walked in with his books. "No talking about your
initiation. It has to be a surprise. Come on, Nate and Bruce are waiting
for us."

Nate and Bruce were waiting outside when we got to their house and ran over
to join us.  "Where's Matt?" Nate asked.

"He said he had to go to school early to do homework. That seemed kind of
strange, and I asked him why he didn't bring his books home with him, but
he didn't want to talk about it. Did anything happen between you and Matt
that we don't know about?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, he is mad at me again. It seems like he is always mad at me," I said
softly, looking at the ground.

"I thought so. I asked him if you two had a fight, but he wouldn't tell me
about it. We always tell each other everything. We don't keep any secrets
from each other. I told him I loved Nate before I even told Nate," Brian
said.

"You didn't tell me. Dave and I had to find out by accident," Bruce said
quickly.

"Yeah, but you were only eleven. I didn't know if you even knew what being
gay was."

"Well, Dave and I figured it out the same afternoon we caught you and Nate
in your bedroom, didn't we?" Bruce asked, laughing his head off.

Again, I didn't know what anyone was talking about. That seemed normal with
the four of them. I just looked from person to person with a confused look
on my face.

"Jamie, I know you don't have a clue what we are talking about. I'll make
you a deal. Nate and I will tell you how we first got together and so will
Dave and Bruce if you will tell us what you and Matt had a fight about. If
you are going to be one of our group, you have to trust us and we have to
trust you. We won't tell anyone else if you won't. With our group, trust is
the most important thing of all," Brian said.

I looked at everyone and they were all staring back at me with serious
looks on their faces. I knew I could trust them. Maybe they could help me
out of this mess. "OK."

"Well, since Nate and I were together first, I guess we ought to go
first. Nate and I have been friends for a long time. Best friends for
years. Nate found out how to jerk off first, and taught me when we spent
the night at his house. We did it together for several months, every now
and then, but never touched each other. Nate finally asked me if he could
give me a blow job, and I let him," Brian said solemnly.

"You bastard, you know that isn't true," Nate said, as he took a swing at
Brian, who easily avoided the punch as he laughed loudly.

"OK, OK, no, it isn't true. Everything but the blow job was. I started to
get feelings for Nate long before we did anything. That was when I told
Matt I thought I loved him. I wanted to see what he thought, if he thought
I was a freak or something. I knew he wouldn't tell anyone else what I was
thinking. And, he didn't. He even told me then that he thought he might
like boys, too. I asked him if he thought that I should tell Nate how I
felt, and he said no, that I had better feel out Nate before I told him
anything. Neither of us thought Nate was homophobic or anything like that,
but I just needed to be sure.

"So, the next time we spent the night at my house, we were about to jerk
off together, and I asked Nate if I could do it for him. This was like a
year and a half ago, and Nate was really big even back then, and I really
wanted to," Brian continued.

"God, Brian," Nate groaned.

"See, he is still shy after all of this time. Come on, Nate, all of us have
seen it and it is really big.  Even Jamie has seen it. Anyway, Nate didn't
want me to at all. I had to argue for several minutes before he finally
agreed. I finally had to give him a back massage to calm him down, and then
gently pushed him on his back and did it whether he wanted me to are not."

"Well, that's not quite accurate, but I guess it's close," Nate said.

"Anyway, he wouldn't do me back for several more weeks. I would do him and
then do myself, with him watching. He finally asked if he could do me,
too. He didn't have to ask me twice, I had wanted that for a long time. One
thing led to another, and we ended up being boyfriends."

"Yeah, and that is how Dave and I became boyfriends, too. We came over to
my house after school one day and saw Brian's and Nate's shoes downstairs
by the door. You know how Mom is about the carpet getting dirty. ‘No
shoes in the house!!!' Anyway, we couldn't find them. Dave and I had been
best friends almost as long as Brian and Nate had. We went upstairs to see
where they were. Brian's door wasn't closed all the way. We snuck upstairs
and was going to run into their room screaming and scare both of them. That
was the plan, anyway," Bruce said.

"Yeah, but when we pushed the door open slightly to see if they were in
there, they were both naked, sitting on Brian's bed, kissing," Dave said as
he giggled at the memory.

"Yeah, and they were both hard. They had the biggest dicks we had ever
seen. Hey, we were eleven. We both looked at each other, and then stared at
both of them. We even closed the door a little bit so they wouldn't know we
were there," Bruce said quickly.

"We were surprised they were naked together, and really surprised that they
were kissing, but what happened next really blew us away!" Dave said.

"No shit!! They finally stopped kissing and we almost ran downstairs. We
both knew if they caught us spying on them, they would kill us. But all
they did was lay down on the bed, one with his head at one end and one at
the other. And then, they started giving each other a blow job!!  They were
so into it, we could have walked into the middle of the room, and they
wouldn't have known we were there," Bruce said loudly.

"Man, our jaws were almost dragging the ground! We couldn't believe what we
were seeing.  We looked quickly at each other and saw that both of us were
equally astonished. I don't know about Bruce, but I was hard instantly. I
stood there pulling on my dick through my blue jeans as I watched."

"I did too. We watched until they both came almost at the same time. It was
so wild. They got really quiet then, like they were going to sleep. So we
closed the door and slowly walked down to my room. We didn't just shut the
door, we locked it. And then we both sat down on the bed and started
whispering back and forth about what we had seen," Bruce said excitedly.

"Yeah, I remember that Bruce asked me if I thought it was gross what we had
seen them do. I told him I didn't think so. He said he didn't either, but
he wanted to know what I thought. I asked him if he wanted to try
kissing. He said he didn't know, did I? I said I did. He said he did,
too. We leaned together and shared our first kiss. It wasn't mind blowing
or anything like that, but we liked it. So, we just did that for a long
time. We both got braver and braver as we went. First was hugging each
other while we kissed, then hands starting to move around, then hands
starting to go under shirts. Then, shirts off. Then hands going between
each other's legs. Then hands starting to undo belts and blue jeans. By
this time, we were so worked up, we were almost clawing at each other, and
I don't think either of us had ever even cum yet," Dave said.

"Oh, I had. You think living with these two sex maniacs, I would have been
innocent? No way.  Have I never told you about this?" Bruce asked.

"No you haven't. Why haven't you?" Dave asked, kind of hurt.

"No reason, I swear. I just forgot about it. I thought we both knew
everything about each other.  I'll tell you now. Well anyway, one night our
parents had to go to a party, and they were going to be really late getting
home. Brian was 13, and they said they trusted him to watch over Matt and
I. That was a joke," Bruce said.

"Hey, you were being a total ass hole that night and you know it. You
wouldn't leave either Matt or I alone. You were aggravating us to death,
"Brian almost yelled.

Bruce just giggled. "Yeah, I guess I was. Anyway, I guess I was doing
anything I could to get my two older brother's attention, and they finally
ganged up on me and took off all my clothes. They held me down and said as
my punishment, I had to service them both, or they were going to give me a
cherry belly. You know, where they beat on my stomach until it turns bright
red? Anyway, they had me down, and I gave up. I said I would do anything
they wanted me to do. I sure didn't understand what they wanted."

"Well, you deserved it," Brian said, slightly blushing himself.

"Yeah, I guess I did," Bruce giggled. "But I was surprised when Brian also
undressed. Then Matt did, too. One would hold me down while the other
undressed. We were all naked, and then Brian sat on my chest, put a pillow
behind my neck to raise my head, and pointed his dick at my mouth until I
opened it. Matt grabbed my balls and said he would squeeze if I didn't do
it. Brian said he would cut off my balls if I bit him or used my teeth. He
said to suck it. I didn't really have much choice. So, I did. And you know
what? I liked it. I was surprised when Brian shot into my mouth, but that
wasn't bad, either, and I kind of liked that, too. That was the first time
I found out that you shoot cum out of your dick when you cum, when you are
older. I was actually disappointed when Matt didn't shoot into my mouth
when they changed places. And the whole time I was sucking Matt, Brian used
spit to give me a hand job. I came for the first time at about the same
time Matt did."

"You bastard, I can't believe you never told me that," Dave fumed.

"I'm sorry. I guess I thought I had. Anyway, we had lots of times like that
afterwards. Brian was only too happy to say he would stay home with us if
our parents wanted to go out for the night," Bruce said.

"Man, and I thought we trusted each other, and told each other everything,"
Dave said, still mad.

"Hey Dave, you said you didn't think either of you had ever cum
before. That's a lie about you, and you know it. Remember finding me with
the hand cream in my room?" Nate asked, with an evil grin on his face.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Dave said, blushing.

"What? You give me shit about not telling you something, and you are doing
the same thing?"  Bruce yelled.

"Yeah, he is. I will tell everyone about that after you two finish your
story," Nate said, giggling that he had embarrassed his brother.

Dave just blushed again, so Bruce started talking. "Anyway, we were both
down to our briefs really quickly. OK, it looks like both of us had cum
before, but we hadn't together. We had spent the night with each other many
times, and had seen each other in nothing but our underwear so often we
didn't think anything about it, but we had never seen each other naked or
we had never had hard ons in front of each other. We both knew each other
was hard, cause our hands were on the other person. I think I said let's
take off our underwear."

"No, I did," Dave said, finally getting over his embarrassment.

"Well anyway, we both stood up and pulled down the other's briefs at the
same time. I do remember that we just stared at each other for a few
seconds before coming together and kissing once more. I think we both liked
what we saw."

"I know I did," Dave said, laughing. He was back, no more embarrassment
now.

"We were rocking back and forth, gently jacking each other as we
kissed. Now, this I do remember. I asked Dave if he wanted to try what we
had seen Brian and Nate doing."

"You are right about that. I was really enjoying what we were doing, but
that shocked me. I don't think I even said a word," Dave said.

"You didn't. You just stared at me with your mouth open. I had to almost
beg you. I had done it a lot of times with Brian and Matt, but all they had
ever done was give me hand jobs. I wanted to know what it felt like. And
this was my chance. I wasn't going to let it slip away from me.  Hehehehe,"
Bruce giggled.

"I remember it like yesterday. We laid down opposite each other, like we
had seen Brian and Nate. You took me into your mouth right away, but all I
could do was stare at your dick right in front of my face. But, you were
making me feel so good, and you were just licking my head. I grabbed you,
but I still couldn't make myself lick it. Then, you took me into your mouth
for the first time, just all the way down and back up, and I thought I
might cum right then. I couldn't let you do that for me if it felt that
good and not do it back for you. So, I licked your head, and found out that
the taste wasn't bad at all. I really liked it. So, I took all of it into
my mouth like you had done me and went all the way down and back up. I
heard you moan, and I knew you loved it as much as I did. From that point
on, I didn't have any more problems. I just wanted you to enjoy it as much
as I had," Dave said.

I had listened to this last part in almost a trance. This sounded exactly
like what had happened with Matt and I, only I had been too selfish or
confused or both to return Matt's love for me. I was staring out into
space, as tears of regret pooled at the corners of my eyes, and was not
looking where I was going. I tripped over a tree root that was above the
surface, and almost fell down.

Brian caught me before I could fall. "Jamie, be careful. What's wrong?"

I looked up at him. "Thanks," was all I could say.

He could tell immediately that something was wrong. "Jamie, I know
something is wrong. Tell us what it is. We are all your friends, and none
of us will ever tell anyone what you say. We want to be here for you. Now,
tell us."

I couldn't say anything for a long time. No one spoke. Total silence as we
all walked slowly to school. But, I could feel four pair of eyes boring
into the back of my head as I stared at the ground as I walked.

I finally gathered up my courage. I knew I had to say something. They would
wait until I did.

"Matt gave me a blow job. I couldn't.......I just couldn't........"

Brian put his arm around my shoulders and said, "You couldn't do it back,
could you?"

"No," I answered, as a tear ran down my cheek.

"And Matt got really mad and ran out of the house, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Jamie, look at me. Look at all of us," Brian almost commanded.

I wiped my eyes, gathered in my emotions, and slowly lifted my head. I
looked around at all of them. I was expecting them to be hostile. Nothing
of the kind. All I saw was sympathetic looks.  Brian kept his arm around my
shoulders.

"Jamie, you have to understand something about Matt, about all of us. All
of us are really close.  We all talk together all the time, and we don't
have any secrets most of the time. Nate and I have each other. So does
Bruce and Dave. Matt is really jealous that he doesn't have anybody. We
have talked about this among ourselves for a long time, and all of us
agree. Nobody should force someone into anything sexual until they are
ready for it. Bruce and I talked to Matt about you before you came over
before school yesterday. He has really fallen in love with you, really he
did after you rescued him on Monday. That was what he was talking about
when he told us 6 would be lots better than 5, you remember?" Brian asked.

I did remember. Finally, something someone said in code made sense!!! I
nodded yes.

"We both told him not to go too far, or he might just make you confused and
lose you. You know Matt. He is hot headed and doesn't listen. This is
Matt's fault. Don't ever think you have to return what Matt did, simply
because he did it to you without asking you first. You have to love him
before you return what he did, and really want to do it to return his
love. Don't even think about it before that," Brian said.

"I was the same way as you are, when Brian just wanted to give me a hand
job. We have told you that. And I didn't return the favor for weeks, until
I was sure I wanted to. And Brian waited. He didn't constantly ask me to do
it, he was great. He just waited until I was ready. That is by far the best
way. So, Matt got mad. That is Matt for you. But you have to decide that
you are ready for the next step. No one can do that for you. And never let
anyone pressure you into doing something you aren't ready for, OK? No
matter what. Look, we will talk to Matt for you. We all want you and Matt
together, but when you decide, not Matt," Nate said.

I looked up at all four of them. They were all nodding their agreement. A
huge load lifted off my back. I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to
do just because I owed Matt. I understood now. If you want to do something
sexual for someone, it should only be done if you want to do it, otherwise
it is wrong. And even if you want to do it, you have to make sure that you
love that person and he/she/it loves you back. Otherwise, your emotions are
just being played with, and you can really get hurt in the process.

(Author's note. For those in North Carolina (insert favorite state here!),
sheep blinking their eye's at you does not constitute a look of love!!!!
hehehehe)

To be continued.

Comments are appreciated and always answered.

Comments can be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com and are forwarded to a group
e-mail account so all the guys can read them too.