Date: Mon, 1 May 2017 12:52:48 +0000
From: Danny writing <danny2017writing@outlook.com>
Subject: Even If We Tried - Part 9

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Feedback would be very appreciated, if you would like to send
me an email. I'd love to hear everyone's opinion as all
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I wish to thank all the fellow readers for sticking with me
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I want to say a particular thank you to hunter, the writer of
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Please don't alter or reproduce my work without first
contacting me.

If anyone is interested there is a soundtrack for every
chapter I have written of the story. The songs below are the
songs I used while writing this chapter. In order of the
scenes; I have included ***** in the story where each segment
of the music ends and the new music begins.

*****Tuesday*****
Machine by Scott Helman
Bottled Up Tight by Luke Sital-Singh
A Little Too Much by Shawn Mendes


In The Last Chapter: Austin tells Sam about his past; and how
he was bullied. Sam remains silent and lets him tell his side
of the story, this brings to two boys closer together. While
Ethan and Sam meet up after lunch, they head out to their
childhood fort and start a delicate conversation that ends up
escalating to Ethan leaving the room. Could Ethan be Bisexual
or could he just be jealous of the attention Austin is
getting, keep reading to find out.

Even If We Tried - part 9

I thought about what had unfolded in front of me for the last
couple of hours, I settled into the corner and didn't bother
to stir. I sat alone in the darkened interior of my childhood
hangout. I could feel the effects of night cloak me. It was
getting cold out and since it had been warm during the daytime
I had no need for a jacket. I thought about what Ethan had
said. Did he actually say what I thought he said? He had to be
confused, did he say he hated me. Did he tell me he likes me;
or did he just say that he cares about me; Was he jealous that
I was spending time with Austin. I was not in the greatest of
mind sets at all.

Next to shivering, and the odd tail lights that could be seen
from the cars that were passing by on the road above crept in.
I was stuck in the moment. I could not bring myself to move,
or to go home or call someone. I wasn't depressed or anything
I was just really confused. I thought if it would be a good
idea to confront Ethan about what he said the next time we
meet or if I should send him a message; or just brush it off.
But I decided that silence was the best for the moment. I
found myself jumping to conclusions that made no sense at all.
I also rethought my strategy about facing Nash. Things where
becoming more complicated all around; Austin said that he
didn't leave me the note in my locker on the first day he
arrived. Come to think of it; I don't know what I was
expecting because he had just arrived at school, so he
wouldn't have known me all that much. But I found myself
weighing the other options of the anonymise admirer. Who was
he or she. I defiantly hoped it was a he, but if it was a she
then I'd really have to take the bullet. I heard that if you
reject one of the popular girls that you become a social
outcast immediately. I guess I'm not far from that, but I
still assume that I have some good friends left in school.
There was to many pressures starting to form, the only place I
can say that I would feel safe would be home. Doing so I stood
up, drew in a stressed sigh and trailed to the door.

The walk home was relatively short, I walked by all the shop
fronts and kept to the main streets as much as possible. All
the motion around me seemed relentless. All the signs of life;
The cars driving by, the people laughing, people smoking,
people talking, neon signs blinking in store windows, the
effortless changing of the traffic lights. People that where
in a hurry from there point A to point B. The cold steel
shutters that shielded shops from their day time activities.
The dried concreate and tarmac under my feet and the crisp
nippy fresh air fell on the sleepy city.

Everything seemed beautiful in way that I had never looked at
it before, but with that being said it was a tiresome walk
home. Knocking on the front door of my house, I looked down at
my door step in defeat and in sadness partly. When the door
opened I slowly lifted my head up to the figure I called mom,
she was surround by the light emanating from the kitchen at
the end of the hallway, she was possibly the closest
representation to an angel in that moment.

"Sam" She said in guanine but soothing voice. She could see
that something was on my mind, and that she was ready to
listen to my troubles as always if I wanted to tell her.

All it took was one word and I felt like balling, but I was
stronger than that, so I played it off as if nothing was
happing. I suppressed my feelings; I can handle this I assured
myself. I'm not mushy I swear. I stated sadly that I was going
to bed, but mom didn't protest she just watched me creep up
the stairs and disappear. I closed my door silently and lay
down on my bed, I gazed at the alarm clock on my bedside
locker and watched the hours clock up into the early hours of
the morning. By this time, I had curled into a ball. My hope
diminished slowly as every passing moment was an eye opener.
My eyes where heavy, but the main thing that was on my mind
was Ethan, usually he would have messaged me by now; whenever
we had fight or when he got grumpy, he would call or text me
to say everything was alright. I started to have some worrying
feelings about him, did he go straight home. Did he walk
around for hours after he left me and think about everything I
had told him. I felt I was losing control; Nash was my enemy
now, I have known him for many years but now he is probably my
enemy. Ethan I'm not sure what's going on with him; I can't
even tell if he's mad at me. I could not even bring myself to
message him to see if we were cool or to talk about it at
least and Austin, he's the only one that I can trust at the
moment. I'm becoming unpopular, I knew that much, it was only
a matter of time before people started to hate me. But my
biggest bully I think; was me, sad but true.
I had always despised listing to that little voice in my head
that tells you that you should do something, but that voice is
usually accompanied by a gut feeling telling you not to do it.
Do what I thought, tell everyone what was going on, I didn't
want anything to get any worse so I just decided to call it
quits, my brain could not take any more, it was starting to
hurt and not long after I closed my heavy eyes and forgot all
my worries for a few short hours.

***** Tuesday *****

Then Tuesday came around, I unwillingly got up out of bed
after the alarm had went off, I had not heard from Ethan since
Sunday, and I hadn't seen him in school yesterday. I was
getting the impression that he was avoiding me; he had got my
messages yesterday morning asking was he okay, but he didn't
bother replying to them, he just left them unanswered. I will
admit that it was hurtful, I tried sitting down at my usual
table with lads yesterday but they all went quite when I sat
down. Did Ethan tell them something; or did Nash. I felt
sickened but I felt that I had to uphold my dignity, so I sat
through the entire awkward interaction and ate my lunch. I
could feel there burning eyes looking at me, but not much was
said. Blake tried to offer a friendly gesture, but he quickly
too became silent.

I think I was getting a little paranoid because I felt that
the whole school was looking me and new my secret. People
would smile at me every day, but I felt there was something
off about some of their smiles these days. It was almost like
it was a forced smile. Maybe it was just me being paranoid and
reading into things too much. I don't think anyone hates me or
anything or maybe there not talking about me behind my back.
Maybe Ethan was sick and that's why he wasn't in school. Maybe
there was an answer to all the strange anomalies. That's all I
had; I had to assure myself that nothing had changed, although
deep down I knew something had changed. I was not asking for
people to go out of their way to acknowledge me or anything.
It almost felt like people where suiting their selves. Austin
though was his his usual self; He was back to school, I had to
admit that he was pretty brave. I was proud of him for that,
despite all the glances he may have been getting. I would have
most likely coward in a corner and stead far away from school.

Starting Tuesday like any other day, I went in and showered.
Standing under the water to the silence; was all that I needed
but the thoughts of the last couple of days where not gone.
They had multiplied, they were more frequent to say the least.
They were like plague, that was slowly eating away or picking
at my brain to see a reaction.

Throwing on a pair of grey jeans and a black hoodie after I
had dried myself, I made way my downstairs to get breakfast.
Lauran had already left for school with one of her friends
that had knocked early and she decided to grab something to
eat on the way to school as far as mom had mentioned. I was a
little zoned out to what mom was actually saying. I was still
contemplating telling my mom about Ethan. I mean for advice,
but I didn't. How was I going to explain Ethan; 'Hey mom,
Ethan weird and he doesn't want to talk me because I'm hanging
around with Austin.' I cleaned up after I ate and put bowl in
the sink. Slipping on my Nike shoes, I grabbed my school bag;
hugged my mom bye and I headed out the backdoor and pushed my
bike out to the driveway. I had to say I felt that today was
going to be a lucky day. I assured myself that I was going to
have a good day and not feel judged or succumbed to all the
raging emotions. Standing up on my bike I peddled on the
sidewalk for about half a block under the shade of the trees
and then darted out onto the road and cycled a calm pace
towards school.

Pulling into one of the spare slots in the bike rack outside
the front entrance of the school building. I dismounted my
bike, crouched down and pulled a bike lock from my bag and
placed it on the bottom half of the frame and through the
front wheel and to the steel frame of the bike rack. Once I
had secured my bike; I then stood back up and preceded towards
the glass door and zipped up my school bag at the same time. I
didn't bother looking around to see if people were looking at
me, I only wanted to get to my locker, but I did bump into
Garratt on the way in, he didn't say much, which was unlike
him but, he was usually grouchy in the mornings, but never
with me. 'I knew it, my reputation has dwindling or its
tarnished and I'll never be able to fix it. He'd even say
whats up or something, but nothing. Not today, I guess things
are changing.

I continued on down the main hallway and stopped at my locker,
and opened it. There was a couple of people standing around
talking. There was a boy and girl that I didn't really know
talking by the locker across the hall; They most likely knew
who I was and everyone usually just smiled at me, even if I
never really interacted with them. But out of curiosity I
looked over at them and they gave me a weird look before the
girl distracted to boy and started conversing again. I opened
my bag and took what I needed from my locker and placed the
contents into my bag. I took a small step back and looked to
right where Ethan's locker is. But he was not there, I felt
uncomfortable in this familiar surrounding. Maybe he was angry
at me. But where was Austin, he said he was going to meet me
at the front entrance and we'd walk in together. Yes, my mind
is all over the place; it's just another side thought that had
lodged in my train of thought all of a sudden. I felt I was
defiantly becoming paranoid.

I went back to taking stuff I didn't need out of my bag and
with annoyance with myself I launched the stuff into the small
compartment as I looked at memorabilia on the door of my
locker. Everything screamed pretty about my friendship with
Ethan, and everything I had ever done or dared to do was with
him. I would have not had the strength to do some of things or
talk to someone of the people I have talked to without him. He
was like a lifeline for me; and now I was missing him.
Throwing in my last book I stopped for a minute trying to get
a hold of myself, I didn't want to cry in school, I was not
sad just angry. But it was more from frustration than
anything. I decided that I would go to the bathroom and lock
myself in a cubicle to cry, I definitely didn't want to let
anyone see that I had feelings, this place was like a hunting
grounds for juicy gossip. Just then I heard the squeak from a
locker a couple of doors up from me open.

"Ethan!" I asked as I stepped back to clear my view, but was
stopped in my tracks when I seen it was Austin. Giving a
bashful smile I spoke into myself from a little bit of
embarrassment; I didn't forget about the bigger picture
though, it was still hanging over me like a cloud. Some part
of me wished that it was Ethan standing over there, rather
than Austin. But that didn't change the fact I still liked
Austin; I just wanted to fix things badly.

"Sorry..." I offered and felt myself blush and get those
butterflies that keep coming around at the wrong times. I hope
I was not like red faced and blushing, but now that I'm
thinking about it I can feel myself starting to blush, god
Sam; stop being a retard.

A second passed and he flashed an adorable smile, he seemed so
radiant today, I could feel that nothing was holding him back.
It made me feel good that he felt confident, maybe it was
because I was around; or maybe I was a layer of safety for
him. That made me feel special, yes. But I still felt
vulnerable. I closed my locker and fumbled the combination and
strolled the small distance towards him.

"It's okay." He sweetly said. With another smile, he asked
"How are you today?" It felt a little weird yes, especially
with what had happened. Maybe it was me but if you didn't know
him and just met him you would probably think he was touched
in the head or something. I had no explanation to where this
happiness came from. Although I was not going to question it
and extinguish his happiness or diminish my hope of Ethan
talking to me again.

I felt the eyes in the corridor steering at us; I could just
feel it, I felt ashamed of myself for some unknown reason, If
I had the opportunity to possibly escape from the
uncomfortable glances I was getting from people walking by I
would have just left Austin standing hallway to retreat. But I
knew deep in my heart that, that was wrong. I made a promise
to stick with him and I was intent in doing that. I was
afraid; obviously, years of hard work to establish myself
could be swept away in moment. then that small voice clouded
over all my judgment and told me maybe it was already too late

"Guess what?" Austin animatedly shouted as his eyes lit up in
anticipation of what he was about to tell me.

"Okay what." I chuckled lightly, I was on board with what he
was going to say, but my mind was still in other places. But
if it was good news then I guess it would not be that bad of a
distraction.

He nervously started to speak as he rubbed his forearm in that
cute way. "I know you signed up for baseball, the other day..."

I looked at him with wide eyes; It was unexpected because I
had not told him about either of the sports, I guess I he must
have been stalking me. I felt a little blush worthy but wary
about how he knew this. Before speaking I decided to let him
finish first.

"Well I signed up too... and I got the baseball. Em... I just
wanna know if you got baseball."

I felt my world starting to crumble under the weight. I had
enough to worry about other than this. I knew I couldn't play
both, or maybe I could, but I knew I'd only suffer later from
exhaustion or a breakdown of some sort, if I was to try and
please both Ethan and Austin. Was he waiting for me answer;
like now?. Please don't put me on the spot I cried on the
inside. The dread was setting in, he wanted an answer on spot,
and I could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Yeah, I got baseball..." I blurted out.

Smiling his usual smile, he then went on to say "Cool well to
two of us could be on the same team right." But he quickly
abandoned his question went he seen I was becoming a little
pale.

"Sam; Are you okay?" He softly said with concern.

The sports thing was supposed to be mine and Ethans thing; how
I could say no to Austin though. But what am I going to say to
Ethan. I can't reject him too. I looked around the hall, and
became aware of my surroundings again, I caught hint of a girl
walking by who was sniggering as she passed. I felt insecure
and started to turn to walk for the bathroom; leaving Austin
standing at the locker.

"Sam!" He called with surprise as I could hear him faintly in
the background hurrying up his pace at his locker. Finding it
hard to breath I made it to the door of the bathroom when the
slam of a locker door echoed through the hallway. I turned to
look at the source of the noise, and Austin was running
towards me with a worried look about his face. People were
looking at the commotion or the scene that was taking place in
front of them. I knew they were looking, there was no denying
it.

pushing the door opened I made my way inside the dimly lit
bathroom that smelled like a concoction of bleach and urine.
It was relatively quiet in the bathroom, nobody was in the
toilet. Then the door opened and the outside noise filled the
small room and then faded away after the fire door closed
behind Austin. Leaning against the countertop with my back
towards the mirror, I looked over at Austin who had made his
way to the end of the counter and looked unsure about how to
precede. He held his backpack in one hand and mine in the
other. He let both of them drop the small distance to the
floor and crept up to me and sat on the countertop with me
with his back towards the mirror.

He didn't say anything he just sat with me. It felt nice to
have him there. He could see something was on my mind. My eyes
had started to well up and I let out a stressed sigh.

"Sammy..." He said in a soothing voice. I glanced over at him
with blurry eyes. "I'm listing." He said simply, in all the
simplest words he could say. I let my guard down. Maybe it was
not the best thing to do in school, but he seemed genuine.

"I just have a couple of things on my mind." I stated dryly as
I was trying to avoid the subject.

'A few things' I questioned myself. It was more than a few
things I retorted, a couple of things that came to mind though
was. I was worried about Ethan, I was worried about Austin;
was Ethan even talking to me. Austin wants to get closer and
I'm not ready. What would people think? I don't even want to
be this way. Will I get bullied over it if I accept him, even
loose friends or become a social outcast? Who was that goddam
letter from? I had the worries of Nash on my case also, He
knew about me and I knew it was just a matter of time that he
would come knocking. Would he still come back to me and
confront me about what happened at the party? Who should I
choose Ethan or Austin, should I choose both Baseball and
Lacrosse. I know that will have repercussions later. What
would Austin's parents think if I was dating him. What would
my mom say to Lauran or Johnathan? I can't be myself in this
school, I would not be able to hold hands with Austin.  AND...
there's still that fact that Ethan became mushy with me and
sort of told me he was messed up or something. That fucking
science exhibition. Ethan is not talking to me now so I don't
have a partner, does that mean Austin doesn't have a partner.
Would it be right to drop Ethan if he's not talking to me and
be Austin's partner? But what happens if he not actually mad
at me and he comes in an expects me to still be his partner
will that make him jealous.

It wasn't like I was going insane, but I did have a lot on my
mind. I guess you could say I was overloaded; and that if I
burned toast I'd cry. I've had those days, there pretty
shitty, I know.

Sighing out, I wiped the water that had built up in my eyes
away. I could feel the serious escalation in my anxiety
levels. He looked at me and gave a smirk, "I'm not gullible.
But if you have anything to say I want you to be able to tel..."
He trailed off not needing to say anything else. Nodding my
head, the bathroom door flung open banging the wall violently
and in walked two boys who were a little older than us. Maybe
sixteen or so; one of the boys was taller than the other. The
tallest one had jet black hair and a strong looking build,
they were laughing and banting as the taller lad led the
smaller boy behind him. The smaller guy had mousy brown hair
and kind of looked a small bit like Ethan, if he was sixteen.
The taller boy stopped at the urinal's and smugly stated "Out
Faggots."

We didn't need to be reminded, the both of us stood straight
back up away from the counter and plucked up our bags from the
ground. I followed Austin who was leading the way, as I was
leaving I could heard one the boys talk about a girl being
pregnant but before I could hear anymore we were both back out
in the noisy corridor.

Heading off to class with Austin since the both of us had the
same English class, we took out seats at our usual desks and
Ethan was not in yet. But as time went on I learned that
Austin's partner had dumped him and I felt that it was only
right for me to take the matured option. I moved my desk and
seat over towards Austin's desk as the teacher was only
focused on getting the science exhibition out of the way.
Anytime I looked up at board or when the teacher talked, I
could see people from the side of my peripheral vision
steering at me and most likely talking about us behind our
backs. But then I felt all the clumped emotions and partly
regret and betrayal for nothing when Ethan came in late. His
arrival was enough to disrupt the teacher talking, so much
that he apologised and took his seat where he always sat.

He seen me and kept looking over towards me with hurt
expression. He looked around him as he placed his bag under
the desk and sat down. Once he sat down he didn't look at me
again. The teacher went on teaching the lesson. I turned
around about three or four times; but stopped after that to
try and make sense of why Ethan was acting this way. He would
usually be the person who would say good morning to me; every
morning for the best part of a decade. If we had a major fight
he would usually be the first one to say sorry when he came
into school.

Turing my attention back to Austin and the science project. I
tried to focus on the project with him. But Austin became
aware and actually pointed it out that it was odd that Ethan
and I had not even as much as said one word to each other all
morning. I brushed it off to the both of us being tired and
focused on other stuff.

Just before lunch the principle popped her head in the door
and called my name. Rational thought jumped ahead, I thought I
was trouble; for what. I had no idea. Then she called Ethan
which worried even more. But none the less the both of us got
up and vacated the classroom. Just the two of us, she then led
on back towards the main office. Ethan walked beside me; and
didn't usher a word. He just kept his attention directed ahead
or to the lockers beside him. I could feel the tension in the
air.

I decided to try break the ice, and mention the lacrosse. I
did not want to make things worse and mention why he stormed
out on Sunday. But I knew I would have to approach that
conversation sooner or later if me and him made up. Maybe I
should just let him tell me about in his own time, I know that
if I didn't want to talk about it I would get mad at someone
if they kept playing on it.

"Are you looking forward to the lacrosse." It would have
extremely hurtful if he ignored me, but he didn't he
acknowledged me. But didn't talk to me like he usually would,
he kept it short and to the point. It also appeared that he
had something on his mind, but was reluctant to go into any
details or even try and make a conversation with me.

With a huff, he stated with an edgy vibe "I... I guess." Then
the silence returned. I thought that he was mad at me for
sure, of what I don't know. But he did express or even ask was
I still interested in doing Lacrosse. When I stated yes, he
gave a content sigh and then the silence returned.
Reaching the principal's office, she welcomed us in with a
smile and told us to sit down. Doing as we were told I sat on
the left wooden chair and Ethan sat on the right.

Our principle was a nice woman; when you were on her good
side. What was more intriguing though, was why I was here in
first place? The principle sometimes looked scary because she
always wore black or dark greys, but that defiantly didn't
suit her character. I think she dressed like that, just to
give an illusion she meant business. Her tired eyes and dull
blond hair suggested she was always stressed about something
or another. The office was bright, it had book selves lining
the left side off the room, the only break in the continues
shelf was for the door to the office in the very middle of the
wall. Her cheaply assembled laminate beach desk, took up the
minority of the floor space in the room and it left barely
enough room; only for two chairs in front of her desk and
swivel leather chair on her side of the desk.

Taking her seat in front us, I felt nervous being here, did I
do something wrong? Looking over at Ethan for reassurance, he
didn't offer much support because he didn't bother looking
back over at me. Then principle cut in, with a warm smile.

"Sorry boys for pulling you out of class. I am aware you are
very busy lads; so, I'll just get to point. I called you boys
out of class to let you know that your request for the summer
carwash fundraiser has been approved."

The relief I felt, it was such unexpected news at a time like
this; it had completely slipped my mind. Looking from the
smiling principle I traded my glance with her to Ethan who was
looking over at me for the first time since he came to school
this morning.

He cocked his head slightly and faintly smiled, before he
reverted his attention back to the principle.
Turing back to her I smiled at her to show that Ethan was not
bothering me, "Thanks Ms. Daly. I have to say as much as that
was good news I didn't really care to hear about it all that
much. With not much else being said between me and Ethan. I
guess that made her feel a little uneasy and she said if we
had any more questions, to just put them in the pidgin box and
she'd get back to us. Nodding and thanking her, I exited the
room with Ethan.

Heading back through the reception and back to class not much
was said between the both of us, we stopped by a water
fountain and he took a sip and asked if I wanted one.
Moving away from the fountain, I dipped my head down and
pressed the leaver for the water to spurt out. Taking a couple
of gulps; Ethan then broke the silence in a curious tone.

"Are you partnering up with Austin for the silence
exhibition?"

He studied me for my answer, I felt helpless and I could not
think of what to say. I was put on the spot yet again, this
keeps happening to me lately. Standing straight back up, I was
half afraid to answer in case he walked away again and go mad,
this was the most conversation I had gotten out of him all
day. But I made a promise to both him and Austin. I said that
I would do the Baseball with Austin and now I said I would do
the science exhibition with him. I felt that I was being a
little selfish here. It only dawned on me that I was pushing
Ethan away to spend more time with Austin; it was only
noticeable now that I actually stopped to think about it.
Maybe that's why he got annoyed at me the other day. But how
would I go about telling him that I wanted to do the science
thing with Austin, I would rather do the sports with him, but
how would I tell Austin that I didn't want to do baseball with
him. He looked a little hurt because I was taking so long to
answer his question. He gave me quizzical look, and almost
appeared to be demanding my answer. Before I knew I blurted my
answer.

"No...; I'm going to do it with Austin, But..." Before I could get
anything else out he turned and walked away leaving me
standing at the drinking fountain. I felt a gut retching blow
to my stomach that made me feel terribly guilty. Following
after him, I called out, not once but three times.

"ETHAN!"

Following him back around onto the corridor our classroom was
on I called yet again, but he didn't have any of it. He was
like a motionless zombie on a mission. Stating in a stressed
and panicked voice I said  "Ethan, I was going to say I'm
going to do the Lacrosse with you."

Yet still nothing we closed in on the last couple of metres
from the door to the classroom. I was trailing behind him and
then launched myself around him and blocked his path.

"Ethan, I'm sorry." I did I felt really guilty, and I was
going to say that I would drop the science project with
Austin, but then I realised if I did that, just how mad Austin
would be with me. I felt trapped so I just stuck with I'm
sorry. I was weighting the options, there no other way to
escape unless I did both sports with both of them.

He then tried to brush past me but I blocked him again, but I
moved again with him. I feel could the heat of the moment. He
was defiantly pissed at me. I wasn't sure what to do but when
he said "Can you move out of my way" in an abrupt tone I did
and he opened the door to the classroom and went on inside. I
felt saddened by the way the day was going. How was I going to
fix this I thought? Heading inside I sat back down at my desk,
Austin was quick to ask why I was called to the principal's
office and I told him sparing no details. Me and Ethan asked
to have a summer carwash for a fundraiser, and any money we
made we wanted to donate it to children with Autism. But now
I'm not sure if he wants to even help out run this event with
me anymore. He Didn't look at me for the rest of the morning.
I gave him a truly hurt expression during maths but he didn't
respond to it.

During lunch; I ate quietly with Austin at the table I had
seen him eat at with the two girls, you know the table he ate
at when he first arrived at this cesspit. The table I usually
ate at felt uncomfortable to sit at, especially if I was to
bring Austin into the equation. so, for now I was sitting here
with him. it was not all that bad, a couple of people looked
at us, but didn't pass any remarks and or judgement. My
original social group sat at the table I used to sit at, with
their backs turned to me. Only Ethan could see my clearly from
where he was sitting, every time I looked over at him, he
would break the steer and look someplace else. Austin could
really sense the tension and he finally asked. "Are you and
Ethan fighting?" I was going to lie, but that was not in my
nature, I would feel that I would be hurting Austin in the
long run if I withheld information from him, so I was honest
with him.

Sadly, I stated as I played with the lunch on the food tray.

"Yeah; I'm not sure what I done, but I think he's jealous."

He let his fork slip from his fingers and it dropped to his
food tray and then table taking some of the loose food with
it. He was about to take ahold of my hand for comfort or
support but I quickly tensed up and looked around me. I was
waiting for someone to throw me to the wolves with the harsh
and bitter comments, but it never happened. Austin, realised
that also and remembered where he was and apologized.

"I'm sorry I forgot where we are."

A brief pause was experience as he looked off into the
distance and the ambiance in the background was an eerie
feeling. All the laughter and all the conversations that where
going on in the background, despite what was going on at our
table. What really broke my heart was when I looked from
Austin to Ethan, he was laughing. He was laughing without me,
at my table.

Austin then cut in again and asked nervously and supportive at
the same time. "Why is he jealous?"

Without thinking I lambasted coldly at Austin "Because of
you!" Realising what I said and how I said it, I turned to
Austin who looked a little offended.

Stammering over each word I almost vomited my contents out
onto the table and possibly felt my heart sink to the bottom
of the deepest trench.

"I'm... sorry; I didn't mean for that to come out that way. Em...
I just meant that he's upset because I lov... "

"I mean like you more than just a normal friend."

FUCK I scolded to myself, don't go down that road unless your
totally sure Sam. It seemed to have worked because Austin was
blushing, I'm not sure what part he was blushing about, but I
think it was pretty evident that I was about to say I loved
him and then stopped, but now that the cat is out of the bag;
I guess you could say I was in love. I'm not sure exactly what
it is, all I can describe is a funny feeling in my stomach. My
possible obsession with Austin, everything about him was
perfect. I felt this hot and heavy pressure in my chest when
we kissed and even sometimes dizzy. Like if I was walking on a
cloud or something, I don't know how to describe it but it
makes me feel good, not a good feeling like when you buy a new
game. It's like a proud feeling like when you see someone you
love achieving something. It's like a happiness that cannot be
found anywhere else; and it only comes around when he's
around. I felt afraid to speak all of my minds contents around
him however.

I didn't want him to think that I didn't appreciated him. To
be honest I didn't know what to do with him, I really did like
him, he was adorable and sweet. But what was I to do with him.
How do I be 'em a gentleman' I guess. Do I buy him lots of
things, I wonder what he'd like? He does like fashion, but
what would he want me to get him? But what if he didn't like
it if I did get him something? Or maybe he just wanted me to
be there for, I sure hope things get easier and that I can
understand all these feelings that are buried deep down under
all the stress and worrying. They are the only feelings that
are nice of late, and I definably don't want them going
anywhere; anytime soon even if they are confusing to me, 'ugh
I give. I wanna rest brain for a little.'

He seemed content with my answer and didn't bother bring it
back up again. I know he was most likely wanting more answers
to more questions, but I did not have the brain power to cope
with it right now. Picking up our bags I walked Austin back to
his locker to get some books. I talked with him all the way as
he kept going on about what he was going to do in Seattle. I
didn't take much of it but I was defiantly free of some mental
blockage from earlier, but I just nodded and agreed with
everything.

Feeling a familiar feeling, I said I needed to run to the
bathroom, and left Austin digging in his locker for books and
made the small distance to the toilet. I was going to go to
urinal, but I stopped midway in the restroom and decided on a
stall, because I didn't feel safe at urinal. Latching the door
behind me I unzipped my pants and pulled flaccid flesh out and
started to pee. I looked up at the top of the divider wall and
the small gap at the bottom between the tiles and cubicle to
make sure nobody was looking over, I felt really edgy. Shaking
myself I put my pleasure pump back in its cage as I looked at
the small flakes of writing that was written on the walls.

Unlocking the cubicle door, I then washed my hands, and headed
for the door. I took my phone out to check the time, and then
exited out into the hallway and started walking in the
direction in which I knew I left Austin. Looking up from the
phone when I heard a snarky voice say "I bet your birth
certificate is an apology from the condom factory gay boy."

Looking up I seen this stocky looking boy. He was in the year
above me I think; my first rational thought was not to
intervene, looking at the size of him, all it would take is
one smack and he would knock me out. But rational thought was
pushed aside when I started to break into a panicked run
towards Austin and pushed the stocky boy who was poking Austin
on the chest. The boy didn't go very far, I didn't push him
that hard but I thought it would have been enough to make him
stumble at least. I knew this was a bad idea scolded myself.
Austin stood behind me for protection, but I defiantly felt I
was not a great defensive option.

Looking around for teachers was my first thought, but more
than that I was watching him in case he was to throw a punch
or swing at me. "What's your problem?" I asked him, just then
he gave me a hard shove to the chest and I then fell back
towards the lockers hard with a loud clack. I had hit Austin
partly also, but the impact of the locker behind me was sorer
than hitting Austin. Austin was also against the locker with
me. I couldn't bring myself to react I just froze and couldn't
bring myself to say anything.

The large bully that I had never really seen before then
leaned forward and whispered to me smugly "You're the problem,
you got in the way of me and this joke." He then turned to one
of his friend that was behind him and gave a chuckle before
standing back up and sarcastically saying "Well later queers,
Nash says hello."

Just then he turned with his friends and walked off down the
hallway, leaving me and Austin saddened by the interaction. I
felt like I wanted to vent, but I had no time for that. I had
frickin class. This must be a joke in all its form; where are
all the goddam teachers. I guarantee If I threw a punch that a
teacher would come by and blame me for starting it.

Turning to Austin who was still had slumped against the locker
I bent down to pick up his school bag, and handed it to him.
"Don't mind them." I said in a positive attitude. I could
still tell that he was hurt, I asked him what he need from the
locker and preceded to take out what he needed. Closing the
locker, I turned around and offered to walk him to his next
class, by the time I got to my art class I was a couple of
minutes late. All the thought that where running through my
head where driving nuts. I had done some work, for the most I
was steering into space as everyone else went about their
business around me. I looked at the teacher for a few minutes
and decided to message Austin from under the table. I was
worrying about him, and I didn't have time earlier to check
was he okay.

Delivered: "Are you okay"
Delivered: "Austin"
Delivered: "Austin"
Delivered: "Austin"
Delivered: "Austin"
Delivered: "Cutie"

There was still no reply, but about twenty minutes from the
end of class I felt my phone buzz in pocket and I felt content
when I read his message.

Sent: "I'm okay. Are you okay :)"

Smiling at the message I sent back

Delivered: I good as long as your okay."

After class I headed back to my locker tossed my books back
into it. I got a message from Austin that he was getting a
lift home from his mom and asked if I wanted to hitch a lift.
I passed on the offer because I had my bike, but more
importantly I still wanted to talk to Ethan. I wanted to be
quick and catch him, usually he would be coming out of
woodwork, and if I was quick enough I would be able to catch
him before he got on the bus. Zipping back up my bag I made a
jog to the exit for the pickup area for the bus.

Just like I thought; I caught him coming out the far exit door
as he rushed towards the bus. I ran up to him and called his
name. He looked in my direction in shock but kept walking the
direction of the bus. Coming up next to him, I matched his
pace and tried to start what I wanted to say to him in the
limited time I had.

"Ethan, I'm sorry about earlier. I'm sorry if I'm acting
funny." He didn't say anything and I felt compelled to
continue on, he then side tracked from his optimum route and
cut across the grass.

"Can we talk about this, please." I begged as he neared the
bus stop. He just blinked and panted as he forced himself to
walk faster. I waved my hands to try and get his attention but
he wasn't having any of it.

"Your acting like a jerk." I said in defeat.

He glanced at me with a sympathetic stare before he looked
forward again. Jumbling around the thoughts in my head I
thought about what had happened on Sunday and dared to chance
it. "Is this about what happened on Sunday?" Before I could
get another word in he stopped dead in his tracks and turned
to me as quick as I ever seen him move in all the years I knew
him.

I though he was going to hit me or something so I took a step
back from shock, but then nothing happened. He looked at me in
the eyes; drew in a breath and said "Leave me alone."

He then turned and placed his hand on the door of the bus for
support as he climbed up the stairs onto the bus and moved
down the aisle inside. I turned around and started walking
back towards the bike rack around the far side of the school,
I could hear the bus engine roar as the bus started to take
away from the curb and start driving shortly after.

Arriving back at the bicycle rack, I fished out the key to my
bike lock and unlocked. I put the lock back in my school bag
and cycled home. I didn't eat much of my dinner either; and I
couldn't focus on the homework that I had. I ended up
resorting to messaging Ethan a couple of times throughout the
night. He was opening my messages, but he didn't respond to
them. If he was here right now I would have yelled what the
fuck. But I assumed he was just testing me, so I decided to
try and distract myself by playing some PlayStation to take my
mind off things for a bit. I fished through the multitude of
video games I had and went with Fallout 4. While I waited for
the Bethesda logo of the vault to come up I then clicked on
the option continue game on the game menu and played about an
hour of the game contently, freeing up my mind. I was content
taking the stress out on feral ghouls and deathclaws for the
most part; but then the small notification popped up on the
top right of the screen that Blitzboy is online.

It happened to be Ethans user name, I felt myself pressing the
home button to invite him to a party, but then I remembered
everything. The sad feelings and isolation crept in again and
all I had was Austin. I tried chancing the odds and added
Ethan to a party, but as soon as I added him, he went off line
a couple of minutes later.

I lost my appetite to play anymore Fallout and I just turned
the computer and went to bed early, to avoid having to think
how shitty my life is becoming.

The End Of Part 8

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Please
comments are welcome. I'd love to hear what people do think.
I'd be grateful to hear an acknowledgment that people are
reading my stories, thanks again.

If you wish to read my first story it's called Spring-Tide

Email Me at danny2017writing@outlook.com

Stay tuned for the next instalment


18th April 2017