Date: Tue, 06 Mar 2001 23:46:15 -0800
From: Brian C <doughbaron@hotmail.com>
Subject: Everything Chapter 2

"Everything"

Chapter 2

	I slowly got up from Mrs. Vaughn's guest chair and made my way to
the front door. Walking suddenly didn't seem like a chore. I felt like I
had somewhere to go, I felt like I had something to see. As I opened the
door from the classroom a ray of sunshine flooded over my whole body. My
arms, my legs, my face, my hair, everything started to feel good. I took a
deep breath in and smelled the incredibly fresh air that surrounded me.  I
could smell the sweet scents of the flowers, grass, and even the sunshine.
It was such a beautiful day outside.

	As the sun shone down on me and the flowers sent they're pleasant
scent through the air, thousands of thoughts filled my head. But they
weren't a thousand thoughts about different things; they were all about
Andrew. He was all and everything I could think about. All that I could
have seen right then and all that I could have heard wouldn't matter unless
it was about him. Every single cell in my brain was filled with the image
of his eyes, and marked on with his name.

	"Hi Gavin," someone from my left said to me. I turned around to
find my eyes meet Brianne. Her eyes sparkled when they met mine and I
couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked today.

	"Hi Brianne, how are you?" I responded quite chipper.

	"Great!" she said, "You sound like you are in a good mood today."

	"I suppose," I said.

	Suddenly it hit me like a ton of cheddar cheese. I was in a good
mood. I can't remember the last time I was ever in a good mood. I couldn't
possible describe what it was like to be in a good mood a couple hours ago
and now I was walking around school as if I didn't even have a care in the
world. For once in my life I had something in my mind, something that could
occupy all of that empty space that used to fill my skull. But I still had
no idea why it was Andrew. He was doing something to me, and I began to
wonder if he was doing it on purpose, or even knew.

	Brianne and I had a little chitchat about this and that and about
how the beginning of school was going. I guessed that the responses to her
questions were the usual good and so forth but I didn't know what I was
saying. I was looking everywhere I could to see where Andrew was. My head
was constantly on a swivel, glancing from lunch table to lunch table to see
where he could possibly be, but he was absolutely nowhere to be found.
Then as soon as I had realized that I was in a good mood I went into
melancholy.  Suddenly the grass was no longer so green, the flowers weren't
so sweet, and the sun was burning me instead of warming.

	"Is something wrong, Gavin?" Brianne said waking me from my trance.

	"Ya, ummmmm, I'm fine. I have to go to my next class." I said.

	She looked at me very strangely for a second but then just shook
her head like she was dismissing something stupid she heard.

	"Ok, see you later. Have a nice day."

	With that I simply walked away from Brianne without saying anything
else and headed toward my next class. As I walked down the concrete pathway
my feet seemed to barely drag along, and my backpack weighed me down like a
ton of bricks. I didn't want to go to my next class; English was the worst.

	When I opened the door to my English room, I noticed that there was
nobody there yet so I decided to go in, sit at my table, and just keep my
head down till the rest of the class arrived. As I sat down I noticed that
on the table laid a single sheet of paper and a pen laying on it. I stared
at it for a second and then suddenly had the urge to write something.

	Butterflies, please go away
	Flap flap flap
	All night and all day
	Butterflies, leave me alone
	You're not meant to be here
	Go back to your home
	Butterflies, why are you here?
	Something isn't right
	Nothing is clear.

	Butterflies, you still won't leave
	I can't escape you
	Someone help please
	Butterflies, why to me?

	"Gavin Weiss," someone said, "Gavin Weiss!"

	As I wrote my last sentence someone poked me in the ribs and I
looked up to see Mr. Shah looking at me with his role sheet in his hand
with an almost disappointed look on his face.

	"Here," I said softly.

	"Excuse me?" he said back almost snickering at me.

	"I said HERE!" I practically screamed. All the sudden everyone in
the class turned around to look at me and I heard a couple of kids
laugh. As all their eyes bared down on me I felt embarrassed and cold; they
were nothing like Andrew's eyes.

	Mr. Shah looked extremely surprised at first but then simply
dismissed it and continued checking the remainder of the list. I went back
down to my paper to complete my writing. But when I put my pen to the
sheet, I couldn't think of anything to write. I was mad; I was mad at
Mr. Shah; I hated Mr. Shah.

	The rest of class went by in fast parts and slow parts. We watched
an extremely long and boring movie version of Little House on the
Prairie. We read the book in sixth grade but Mr. Shah decided that we
should read it again two years later. I assumed because he was
lazy. Towards the end of class Mr. Shah passed out a piece of paper to the
entire class that was supposed to be information for the very first project
we were going to do for the year.

	"Ok everyone," Mr. Shah said, "this project is going to entail two
parts.  First, you will find a song that you like and analyze its lyrical
meaning and any underlined symbolism in the music. Then you will write the
lyrics to a song of your own creation and go through the same process. Any
questions?"

	As the other kids in the class started raising their hands and
asking questions, I began to think about how I was going to do this
project. Sure, I liked music and all, but I never have been able to
identify with any lyrics that I've heard. I've only listened to music
because I liked the sound of it.

	"Do you get it Gavin?" Mr. Shah suddenly said condescendingly.

	What an asshole. I wanted to get right up from my seat and go kick
him square in the nuts, but instead I merely gave him a squinted eyed gaze
of disgust. I knew he wanted to say something more to me; I knew he wanted
to start yelling and cussing at me right then, I saw it in his eyes; they
were nothing like Andrew's eyes.

	Five minutes later the bell rang for lunch and I got out of my seat
to go outside quicker than a jackrabbit to mating season. When I got out of
the door I noticed that there was a patch of clouds covering the sun but
beyond that there was nothing but clear sky. I walked down the concrete
pathway towards the lunch tables and started thinking about whether I
wanted to eat lunch or not. I had one of those feelings in my stomach where
you don't know if you're hungry or full. As I walked further and further
towards where the cafeteria was I noticed that Andrew was waiting in
line. I kept walking forward and was able to look at him without even
having to tilt my head an inch. He stood there with his head down, looking
like he was staring into the ground. I wondered why he was doing that; like
I do a lot of times. Was he sad about something?

	As I got closer to where he was standing in line I realized what he
was doing. In his hand was Discman and he was changing the batteries. From
the Discman led two long black wires that attached to two little ear buds
that fit perfectly in his ears. I wanted to listen to what he was listening
to. Then, when I was about maybe 15 yards away from him, he turned towards
me and our eyes met for the fourth time. My stomach instantly dropped to
the ground and my heart started thumping. He looked at me for maybe two
seconds than casually looked back toward the front of the line and stood
completely still.

	I contemplated whether I was going to wait in line for food or not
but I decided not to so I could go lay on the grass out near the soccer
fields; I wasn't really hungry either. I guess secretly I didn't want to
have to deal with the feelings that Andrew was giving me.

	When I got to the grassy area I laid my backpack down on the ground
and lay down so that my head could use the backpack like a pillow. It
wasn't very comfortable but it would manage. I stared up into the sky and
noticed that a patch of clouds was still covering the sun. I stared into
the dark gray cloud for a while and then slowly dozed off.

	I opened my eyes to find that the sun was now out and brighter than
ever.  It shined all of its rays down on me warming up every single part of
my body. I looked into the sky to see a couple of perfectly white puffy
clouds surrounding the sun but not touching it. I then looked to my left
and right and saw tons upon tons of daisies, roses, poppies, and other
flowers blooming right before my eyes. It was beautiful.  I slowly sat up
to so see if maybe I could see anything else that was worth seeing. Then,
in front of me sitting on the steps going to the locker room, sat
Andrew. He looked at me for a little while then a bright smile came across
his face. All I could do was smile back; his smile was contagious. Then he
got up from his seat on the steps and walked towards me. I started to get a
little nervous but I was still at total peace. When he got right up to me
he touched his finger to my forehead and my upper body fell back down to
the ground where I was laying again. I tried to get up but I couldn't; he
had me feeling completely weak.  Then Andrew stood over me and stared down
into my eyes. My heart instantly jumped into my throat again. He then
slowly lowered himself down to where he was sitting on my stomach and his
face got even closer to mine to the point where our noses almost
touched. He closed his eyes, tilted his head, and touched his lips to mine.
A wave of energy shot through my entire body. He then slightly opened his
mouth and touched his tongue to my lips. I couldn't help but do the same. I
felt his sweet lips touch my tongue as I savored his wonderful taste. It
was the best feeling I ever had.

	"Excuse me young man; EXCUSE ME!"

	"Huh? What? What is it?" I said almost angrily.

	"You better wake up I believe you are late for class," said the
man.

	Suddenly I shot back to reality. The sun was again blocked by the
dark gray clouds and there was nothing but dead grass surrounding me. My
smile quickly disappeared and I almost felt like crying. I slowly got up to
go to class but I didn't really want to. School seemed less important now
than it ever did in my whole life; I decided to walk home.

	I lived about a mile away from the school so I didn't really mind
walking home. I made my way to the back of the soccer field and went
through a hole in the chain linked fence that only a couple of kids in
school really knew about. Past the fence laid a long downhill path that was
covered in dirt and shrubs. I walked along kicking up the dust in the path
and smashing every shrub I could find. The direct route home led me to the
main road; but I stayed on the nature path so that no one I knew would see
me ditching school.

	When I reached my house I suddenly thought that this idea wasn't so
good.  In the driveway was my dad's cherished car; a 1960 something
Mustang. It was his pride and joy. He kept it in perfect condition all of
the time and never let so much as another person touch it. I opened the
front door and walked in. To my left sat my dad in his leather chair
watching something on TV.

	"Hello Father," I said.

	He turned around in his chair, looked at me for a moment; and then
went back to watching his program. He didn't say a word. I walked into the
kitchen to see if there was anything that I wanted to eat but nothing
caught my eye. All we had was meat and cereal.  I was a vegetarian and I
was sick of cereal. I walked back into the living room where my dad was to
see if I wanted to watch what he was watching.

	As I walked in the program he was watching cut to a commercial
break. The first commercial started and I began to get an uneasy
feeling. On the screen wsd a man and a woman and they were just looking at
each other; then suddenly they kissed.  Next came two women, and they did
the same. Then came on two men, they did the same thing also but I heard
something in the background as it was happening.

	"What a bunch of fucking faggots," my father blurted out.

	The words ringed in my ears. They were repeated over and over and
over again in my mind. I walked down the hall to my room and locked the
door. My bed was still messy from the morning so I just climbed into it and
got under the covers. I laid there for what seemed like hours. Thousands of
thoughts were running through my head but I couldn't describe a single one
of them. The day, my father, Andrew, my entire life: they were all running
through my head. And then, something became clear to me, it was crystal
clear.

	I got out from under the covers in my bed and walked over to my
desk. I got out the piece of paper I wrote on in English class and read it
out loud to myself.

	"Butterflies, please go away
	Flap flap flap
	All night and all day
	Butterflies, leave me alone
	You're not meant to be here
	Go back to your home
	Butterflies, why are you here?
	Something isn't right
	Nothing is clear.

	Butterflies, you still won't leave
	I can't escape you
	Someone help please
	Butterflies, why to me?"

	Then I got out a pen and began to write.

	Butterflies, why to me?
	Look at myself
	My conscience is clean
	Butterflies, what's your intent?
	Should I stay afar
	Leave my heart in a tent?

	Butterflies, now you stay
	Flap flap flap
	Still all night and day
	Butterflies, I feel alone
	But you're here for sure
	You've made me home
	Butterflies, now that you're here
	Something isn't right
	But it all seems so clear.

	All that I've seen
	All that I've felt
	All that I've touched
	All that I've smelled
	All that I've wrote
	All that I've read
	All that I've cried for
	All that's been said
	All that I've done
	All that I'll do
	Is all changed now
	Because of You, Andrew