Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 13:32:21 EST
From: VicHowel@aol.com
Subject: Growing Up Sexual - Julian & Me

'Lo all.  This story and those that may follow is/are my way of saying
thanks to Nifty for advertising my anthology Casting Couch Confessions in
its Amazon.com link.  It's also my way of saying thanks to the organization
which introduced me to most of the writers I used in that anthology of
stories about breaking into the porn vid industry.  Forgive me a selfish
plug but: if you like well-developed male characters and hot sex, go to
Nifty's link with AMAZON and order Casting Couch Confessions.  It's a great
Christmas gift and you'll be helping both Nifty and some of your favourite
writers while getting one of the best stroke books available in the English
language.

Writing the following story felt strange on another level.  While
everything I write has a bit of me in it, "Growing Up Sexual" is a lot more
autobiographical than most of my fiction.  Instead of the Berlin of the
Army of the Rhine (British occupational forces) where I spent my youth,
I've chosen to set it in the south GA that was my mother's tramping
grounds.  The Berlin I knew as a child is gone and I now live in Atlanta.
It's much easier for me to work small-town south GA in as the setting than
it is to try to remember that long ago and far away Berlin - all I have to
do is drive 50 miles out of Atlanta and the dying little towns are the same
as I would have known 45 years ago.  In order to set this story(ies) in the
South, I've had to fictionalise Vic's life a bit as well.

I welcome any and all comments.  Feed-back - criticism - is sometimes hard
to take but, to a writer, is as vital as insulin is to a diabetic.  It's a
writer's lifeblood.  That's the main reason why I helped form an on-line
writer's workshop 3 years ago and still participate in it.  Comments please
to (Vichowel@aol.com).  Flames, of course, will be ignored.

Enough of my comments.  On with the show!
______________________________________________________________________________

LEGAL DISCLAIMERS

1. If you are male and under 18, don't read the following.  North American
and UK law assumes that you cannot have a sexual thought of your own until
your 18th birthday.  This is of course pretense cut out of whole cloth; but
you need to pretend with them so that places like Nifty aren't forced from
the web by the 21st century inquisition.  2. This story contains graphic
sex between boys of similar age.  There are no adults manipulating the boys
sexually (putting a lie to the pretense of no. 1 above, but don't tell your
Republican/Reform/Tory lawmaker - he likes to believe the lie).  If this
upsets you, why are you thinking about reading this?  Go find a simple
romance - Harlequin is an adequate publisher of mindless pablum.  Or ask
Pat Robertson what you "should" read - he'll tell you for a price.  3. I
own the copyright to this and any subsequent stories.  I choose to share it
free with Nifty.  You may not choose to share it with any other group
without violating my copyright - that's stealing.  Obviously, I've allowed
my story to be used once, I may again - ask my permission rather than
stealing.
______________________________________________________________________________

GROWING UP SEXUAL: JULIAN AND ME - Chapter I by Dave MacMillan


I sometimes hang with Julian who lives across the street.  He's two years
older than me.  There's a vacant lot up from his house where most of the
boys in the neighborhood get together and play football.  It's a small town
and someone's mom is usually watching, so we all basically behave
ourselves.  Littler kids just basically get ignored.

My name's Vic and I'm 11 - almost 12.  I'm 5'6" and 130 pounds.  My hair's
brown and worn short.  I wear thick glasses but I've survived the 4-eyes
jokes and get along pretty well with most of the boys in town.  I like to
think that I'm pretty normal.

Except my dick gets hard at the drop of a hat and stays that way - at all
the wrong times.  There's all this hair around it, and it's got way big
too.  It's like it's tripled in size in just the past 6 months.
 This goes on all the time, and that worries me.  I mean, I've heard about
hard-ons from Danny and Julian as well as other guys at school - so, okay,
it's something I'm going to have to put up with.

But getting hard for boys?  I'd heard about queers from the older guys too
and the blowjobs they're supposed to give.  The dog catcher and the high
school band director are both supposed to be that way.  I hear they put
dicks in their mouth and suck them; only nobody knows whose - or they
aren't saying.  Sometimes, I wonder if they suck out the guy's piss out of
them.  It isn't anything I want to do.  Everybody laughs at them behind
their backs.  They're also both ugly as homemade sin.

	* * *

It was late in May and I was at my buddy's house across town.  We had a
class project we were working on and had decided to write it at his house.
His mom was off doing something, so it was just Billy and me - and his
brother, Richard.  They were fraternal twins, but Richard was in another
class from us.  He also looked a lot different than Billy - more mature.

Richard came into their room as my buddy went to the toilet.  He nodded and
pushed off his shoes with his toes.  "Mom said I could open the pool
today," he announced as he pulled his tee-shirt over his head.  `It's about
damned time!'  I stared as he unbuttoned the waist of his jeans and pulled
down the zipper.  Neither of us said a word.

I watched as he pulled off his jeans.  My gaze going from his smooth, tight
chest down to his legs.
 He stood up and his fingers slipped inside the elastic of his briefs.
Again, he bent over, pushing the white cotton down to his ankles.  He stood
back up and I really stared.


I choked back a gasp.  Richard was beautiful naked.  His dick was soft but
was maybe 3" of thick meat with a really wide mushroom head dangling at the
end of it.  I wanted ... I didn't know what.
 I was hard.  6" with nowhere to go in my tight jeans.

He smiled at me staring at him and stepped over to the dresser and pulled
out a swimsuit.  My gaze lovingly carressed his round asscheeks.as he
stepped into them.

"You're going to have to come over to swim," Richard said and smiled as he
started for the bedroom door.  He rubbed his crotch.  "Don't study too
hard, Vic.  See you around."

	* * *

The next day was Wednesday.  After school, I was at home and lying on my
bed, still trying to understand what was happening to me.  I hadn't got the
image of Richard naked out of my head yet.  My dick stayed hard.  More than
once it drooled clear, sticky stuff and that worried me a little - until I
remembered Richard's dick again.  I knew I wanted to touch it.  I wanted to
hug him too, feeling him against me.  My step-dad was at church doing
whatever preachers do to get ready to pray.  Mom was at her office.

I'd heard about jerking off.  Cuming too.  I didn't have a good idea what
they were, though.  I'd heard about them when the bigger boys talked and
didn't always know me and my friends were around.  I didn't know what any
of it meant though.  I just suffered my hard-ons and tried to hide them
when anybody was around.  But I still connected my continuous hard-on from
yesterday to seeing Richard naked.  I wondered if that made me queer but,
on reflection, decided it couldn't.  I mean, I had no interest in putting
Richard's dick in my mouth and sucking his piss from him.  But still ...

I was suddenly confronting a lot of questions I had no answers for.  There
was no way I'd talk to mom about this hard-on business.  She was wonderful
in a lot of ways, but this didn't seem to fit in with any of them.  My
step-dad was the Methodist preacher, so anything that touched on body
functions or that mysterious word "sex" was out of bounds with him.  That
left older guys like Julian, or maybe Danny, the 16 year old two doors up
the street from me.

Only, I reckoned I had to be very careful with them.  I mean, I couldn't
tell them how hard I got just thinking about Richard being naked.  Or how
beautiful I'd thought he was.  That could be queer.  Or it could be made it
out to be.  Either way, I could get into some real trouble if I wasn't very
careful with what I asked and how I asked it.

Standing up, I rearranged myself so that the waist of my jeans held my dick
just behind its flared head.  Asking Danny something personal was too much
like asking an adult.  So, it was by the process of elimination that I
chose Julian to be my tutor in big boy things.

I crossed the street and found him home.  "Hi, Vic," he greeted me through
the screen door as I stepped onto the back porch.  He was feeding his two
brothers sandwiches and milk.

"Hi, Julian," I answered and wondered if I was doing the right thing.
After all, I could just forget it.  At least, my dick had decided to relax.

He finished pouring milk for the two kids and came out on the back porch to
stand beside me.  "What's up?"

"I-" I started to blush.  My face felt like I'd just stuck it in an oven.
I started to sweat.  "I wanted to - uh - talk with you ... privately - if
you have some time-"

He looked through the screen at the kids munching out on their peanut
butter sandwiches.  "You guys going to behave yourselves?" he demanded.
Both heads nodded.  "You finish that sandwich and drink the whole glass of
milk - both of you.  Then you can play in the yard."

"Yes, Julian," they both sang out.

"Whatever it is, Vic, you're acting like it's pretty important.  Anybody at
your house?"  I shook my head.  "Let's go over there then."  He glanced
back at his brothers through the screen.  They were both watching us.  "It
ought to be quiet there."

I led him across the street and into the room.  The air conditioner in the
window wheezed but kept most of the south Georgia heat out.  We sat down on
my bed and Julian watched me, waiting.

"You wanted to talk to me, Vic?" he asked finally.  I felt him watching me.

My face flamed again.  My dick decided to come back alive and listen in.
"Julian, you've got to promise this stays just between you and me," I told
him and looked towards the window.

"This is between just you and me?"  He nodded.  "So, what's the big
secret?" he asked a minute later when I hadn't said anything.

I looked at him.  He was 14, my height but skinnier - wirier.  A mop of
brown hair fell down into his face.  I suddenly wondered what he looked
like naked.  I shook off that thought fast.

"Do you - do you get hard-ons, Julian?" I asked quietly, still unable to
meet his gaze.

There was a really long silence.  I almost pulled my eyes from the window
to look at him.  He started to chuckle.

"So, you've hit puberty.  I shuddered and did look at him then.  Puberty?
My step-dad made it sound like puberty was every boy's personal one-on-one
fight against all of the legions of Satan, all at the same time.

"Uh - maybe," I mumbled.  "How do I tell?"

"Has your dick got way big?"  I nodded.  "And it stays hard?"  I nodded
again.  "Are you jack off every day?"


I turned to study him.  "Jack off?"

"Yeah.  Beat your meat.  Jerk off."

I continued to study him - blankly.  Like he'd grown another head, just
while he was lying there.

"You don't know about that yet?"  I shook my head slowly.  He chuckled
again.  "It's about the best feeling thing you can do, Vic."

"So, how do I do this to feel so good?" I demanded.

"You want us to do it together?" he asked softly and looked around my room
like the FBI was going to pop up and start shooting him like he was
Babyface Nelson.  "So that I can show you how to do it right?"

"Sure."

"Let's get naked then."

Naked?  Uh - oh ... This was beginning to sound like something I could do
with my hard-on.  I stared at him in shock.  Another thought struck me
then.  If I got naked, Julian was going to see that I got hard seeing a
naked boy.  At least, I did for Richard, and I was hard now just talking
about seeing Julian naked.  That could get real hairy.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"If I'm going to get naked, you are too," he said sitting up.  "Anyway,
you've got to take your dick out to jack off - being naked makes it a lot
easier to clean up afterward."

So it was a guy's dick that got jerked off.  That made a lot more sense
than anything I'd heard so far.  It also explained why all the grown-ups
were deaf and dumb on the subject - after all, it was sex.  And Julian was
going to get naked too - did that mean he was going to jerk off too?  Did
that mean he'd get hard looking at me naked?

I hated not knowing all this stuff.

"Well?"

I looked over at Julian.  He was standing on the other side of the bed and
had already pulled his tee-shirt over his head.  He wasn't developed; in
fact, he was skinny.  But I thought he was beautiful standing there.

"This isn't going to be some goochy-goochy show with me putting on the
strip show-" He grinned.  "Unless you're doing the sucking after I'm naked,
Vic."  He grabbed his crotch and I shot him the bird.

"That'll be the day!" I hissed and sat up, pulling off my shirt at the same
time.

I watched Julian shuffle out of his snickers as I toed mine off.  His hands
went to the button of his jeans and quickly unbuttoned it and pulled down
his zip.  I was a lot slower doing the same thing.

With only Julian and me in the house, I knew I was about to do something
I'd never done.  I was also going to see a big boy naked.  I was almost for
sure going to be able to see every part of his body I could want to see.
Maybe I could even touch it.  But I was going to have to be super careful
too - so Julian wouldn't start thinking funny stuff about me.  I was
shivering as I started to push my jeans down over my butt.  I was excited,
but I was scared too.  I grabbed the dresser and pulled my jeans over each
of my legs.  I looked back at Julian then.

He was standing across the bed from me in just his boxers.  Boy!  Was he
tenting them out.  I stared.  He jabbed his thumbs into the waistband and
started to push them down.  I saw another inch of belly appear.  I stared
at the little line of dark hair that marched from his bellybutton down to
disappear behind his civvies.  Richard didn't have that; I was pretty sure
that he wasn't as big as Julian either.  I was hard as a rock and tenting
my briefs, just like he was.

Julian looked over and saw me watching him.  `Why don't you come over here,
Vic?' he suggested.

I took a step to the end of the bed, my eyes riveted to his crotch.  I felt
clammy all over.  I was scareder than I'd ever been before.  But I had to
see him naked.  It was like I was hypnotized and there was a voice in my
head telling me to go stand beside him.  To pull his boxers down.  To see
his dick up close and personal.

`Come on over here, Vic,' he called gently to me.  `You're going to take
them off.'  I reached him, and he put his hand on my shoulder and guided me
to sit on the edge of the bed in front of him.

I stared at the thick tube that extended under his shorts out to his hip
and even a bit beyond.  God, he was huge!  And thick.  I was thankful that
he had a hard-on too; he'd never be able to tell anybody I got hard looking
at guys.

`How big is that thing?'

`Eight inches last week when I measured it.  Pull them off me, Vic,' he
whispered above my head, his other hand finding my other shoulder.

On their own volition, my hands reached out to grip the elastic and cotton
at his waist.  I went to my knees in front of him, my butt sliding off the
bed, as his boxers slipped over his asscheeks and began to fall to his
ankles.  His dick bounced out to hit me in the cheek.  I was staring at a
full triangle of curly brown hair around the base of his meat that was
thicker than mine.


`Put it in your mouth, Vic,' he whispered.  I looked up his torso and met
his eyes.

`You're crazy!' I growled, pushing myself back up onto the bed.  `I'm not
queer.  And I sure don't drink piss, much less suck it out of some guy's
dick.'

`Piss?'

`Yeah!  What else comes out of a dick?'

He chuckled again.  `You are way too much, Vic.  You don't suck piss when
you give a boy a blow job.'  His hands on my shoulders sort of kneaded
them, sort of pulling me towards him at the same time.

I saw his dick then.  It pulled me right out of his control of me.  There
was something different about it.  Strange about it.  I stared.  I wasn't
moving any closer.  Not my body, not my face.

`What's wrong?' Julian asked a minute later.

`I'm not sure.  You look different.  Your dick does.'  It was long, maybe a
full inch or even more longer than mine.  And thicker.  That didn't bother
me.  I'd sort of figured on it as he was two years older.  But the head
sort of was like the snout of a bullet, its flange even with his thick
shaft.
 It didn't flare out like the bottom of a bell - like mine did.  And there
was something wrong with it.  Or different.  I reckoned it might be the way
that skin bunched up right behind the head.  At least, I was pretty sure it
had something to do with all that skin.

`Get your underwear down, Vic.  Let's see-?  I shoved my briefs down fast
and grabbed at my pole to move it closer to Julian's.  He grabbed his and
swung it closer to mine.

My eyes bulged as I watched the bunched up skin move up to cover the whole
head of his dick.  His fist pulled it back and his head was shiny.  I
couldn't do that.  I stared, and my mind started to go blank all over
again.

`You're really big for a kid your age,' he mumbled in surprise.  `You
probably can even cum.'

`Yeah?' I forced myself to ask as I continued to watch his skin spread up
and out across the head of his dick and then pull back.  `How come you've
got all that extra skin?'

He looked down at our dicks.  He took my six inches between his thumb and
forefinger and pulled.  The head of my dick stayed uncovered.  A moment
later, he traced the scar that went around my shaft.  `You're circumcised,'
he said finally.

`And you aren't?'

`Naw.'  He laughed.  `The folks didn't see any sense in cutting half of it
off before I even got started.  This way, when I stick it in a pussy, the
girl gets everything I've got down there.'

`You're big enough-? Standing in front of him, I brought my dick alongside
his.  His head buried itself in my hair while mine had to be a full two
inches of mine from his pubes.  My hand went around his shaft and pulled
gently, I watched his skin move up over the head of his dick again.  It was
so warm against my hand.  A nice sort of warm.

`Get on the bed.  It's time I showed you how to jack off.'  He sat on the
bed and lay back, pulling me down beside him.  I hadn't let go of his pole.

He made himself comfortable on my bed with me beside him and holding onto
his dick.  `Okay, now, slide your fist up and down my dick - real slow.'  I
started doing what he said, watching his skin cover up his head and then
pull back onto the shaft.  `Yeah, like that,' he moaned.

 We stayed like that for a while.  Julian lying across the bed, me propped
up on my elbow at his waist and stroking his dick with my fist.  From time
to time, he'd call for me to make an adjustment in how I was holding him.
His skin would bunch together into a little doily everytime I pushed it
over the head of his dick.  His balls moved up his thighs and started
riding his shaft.  His breathing started to get hard.  I was having fun.

`You like working for dick for me, don't you?' he asked.

I looked up his chest to see that his eyes were closed, both hands under
his head.  He humped his hips up as my fist started down his shaft.  `Yeah.
It's neat.'

`Put it in your mouth, Vic.'

`No way!' I yelped.  But I didn't stop jacking him off.

`Why not?  You like my dick and sucking it would be even better than what
you're doing now.'

`That's queer.'

`Jacking me off isn't?'

I pulled my hand away then.  `Don't!' he cried, opening his eyes and
staring at me.

`You just said it's queer.'

`I'm not telling.  I like it too much.  Come on, Vic.  Jack me off or suck
it.  Just so you get me off.'

I thought about it for a couple of seconds.  I liked the feel of his dick
in my hand.  Its warmth.  It's hardness.  Even its smoothness.  And I liked
how I had him excited.  Maybe it was queer, but it was only a little queer
- and he wasn't going to tell anybody.  I wrapped my hand back around his
dick and began to stroke him again.  He sighed.


`Julian, I'm only going to say this once,' I told him.  `I'm not about to
give anyone a blowjob.  It's got to be really nasty to suck a boy's piss
out of him-?

He laughed.  `You don't suck piss, Vic.  When you're sucking someone off,
you suck his cum out of him.'

`Oh-?  That sounded a whole lot more logical than sucking piss.  Especially
if cum tasted all right.
 Only, I had no idea what cum was, much less what it tasted like.

`And you're going to see my cum real soon now.  I'm almost there.'  He
humped his hips again, pushing his dick through my fist.  `Yeah!'

I tightened my hold on his pole and, immediately, Julian started to hump.
His whole body got into it, like a swelling wave moving across the sea -
first his hips thrusting his crotch up to meet my hand, then his belly
rising as his hips relaxed, and finally his chest.  The room was silent
except for his rasping breathing and the wheezing air conditioner.  `It
feels so good!' he groaned.

He shoved his dick back through my fist and froze.  His whole body was
stiff.  For one fleeting second, I thought I'd somehow killed him.  His
dick throbbed and swelled in my hand.  I watched spellbound as his piss
slit opened wide and a glob of something almost white blew out of it and
sailed up over his head and past the edge of the bed behind him.

His dick throbbed again and I watched another glob erupt out of it.  This
one hit Julian's chest, just above his left nipple.  Another one followed
and landed just at the bottom of his ribcage.

Julian collapsed back on the bed, every muscle in his body seeming to relax
at the same time.  Only his dick remained hard.  More of the white stuff
leaked out of his slit and began to slide down across the head of his dick.

`Wow!' I grunted.

`Yeah,' he mewled.  `That was so much better than when I do it myself.
Thanks, Vic.'

`You're welcome.'

He raised up and supported himself on his elbows, looking into my eyes.  `I
hope you want to do this a lot.  I really liked it.'

`I suppose it was okay,' I answered slowly.  I didn't want Julian getting
any ideas.

`Good.'  He grinned.  `I'm glad you liked it too.  There's a whole lot we
can do to help each other-?

`What about me?' I asked, suddenly aware of my own hard-on.


`Yeah.  We'd better see if you've learned how to do it right then.  Lie
down and get a real good hold on your pecker.'

I lay back and wrapped my hand around my 6" bone.  Julian sat on his
haunches at my shoulder.  His dick was still hard, its skin bunched up
behind its head.  `Okay, stroke it but keep it slow and easy,' he told me.
I looked up at his hard dick and realized it was still oozing a little of
his cum.  I started to stroke my pole.

My brain stopped thinking instantly as strange, new, GOOD feelings started
to pulse out of my dick into my body.  My eyes glazed as I started to
really pump my hard-on.  I was one hard dick - my head, my body, even my
toes.  Everything in my life was suddenly sex.

Julian's dick seemed to get bigger as I continued to stare at it, dazed by
all the sex rampaging through me for the first time.

`You're getting close,' he said, leaning over me to get a look at my balls.
`Yeah, you're going to cum, Vic.'

His dick glazed my cheek, leaving a wet spot.  `Lick it, Vic.  Lick it as
you shoot your load,' he whispered, his voice now an undeniable
instruction.

I turned my head towards him as he rose up on his knees.  `Just lick it,
Vic.  Slow down and stick out your tongue. Let's come together.'

My face moved towards him.  An inch.  The head of his dick moved towards my
lips.  Two inches.  The tip of my tongue touched it and I moved closer as I
opened my mouth.  I had it in my mouth, my lips behind the flange and my
tongue cleaning the smooth, hot, silky, hard surface.

`Sweet Jesus!  That feels so good,' he groaned.

Unthinking, I continued to pump my rod and my lips moved down Julian's
shaft another inch.  His fingers found the back of my head and began to
guide me up and down his pole.  `Suck it, Vic.  Suck it while you jack
off.'

My balls, my ass, my gut - they all screamed imminent sexual overload along
with my dick as I stroked it.  My tongue, my lips, even my throat had
joined in.  `I'm close,' Julian told me and I kept on sucking, taking more
and more of his dick.  `It feels so good,' he moaned and thrust deeper.  I
felt the head of his dick push between my tonsils and begin to pulse.

Beyond thought, I understood he was cumming and increased the speed of my
strokes on my dick.  His pole pulled back and just its head was in my
mouth.  A wad of his cum landed on my tongue before sliding down my throat.

I came then, splattering me, Julian, and my bed with my juice.
Instinctively, I still sucked on his dick, getting everything he had.

	* * *

`That was so good, Vic.'  Julian zipped his jeans and reached over to
tousle my hair.  `I can stop by tonight after I get off work at the
station-?

I had my briefs on and was pulling my jeans up my legs.  I couldn't look at
him.  `This all went too fast,' told him, buttoning my jeans.  `I've got to
think about it.'

`What's to think about?'

I shrugged and tried to turn to face him.  I couldn't.  My face went red.
`What we did - what I did - was queer.  I don't think I want to be queer,
Julian.'

`You liked it, though, didn't you?'

`I suppose.  But-?

`Did you get hurt?'

`No, but-?

`Did I get hurt?'  I shook my head.  `Did anyone get hurt?'

`No.'

`Did you like it?'

`Yeah.'

`So did I.  And nobody's ever going to know - unless you tell them.  So,
why not do something we both like - as long as it doesn't hurt anybody?'

`I've got to think it through, Julian.'

`Vic, you've already done it, and you know you like it.  You can't pretend
it never happened.'

`I - I know.'  I did turn to look at him then.  `I'm not saying I won't do
it again.  I'm just saying I want to think it through.  I want to be sure
it's something I do want to do.'

`Okay.  So, I'll knock on your window when I get back tonight.'

`Not tonight.'

`Tomorrow then?'


`Maybe.'

He stepped to the door and turned back to face me.  He grinned.  `We're
going to be the best of friends, Vic - you and me.  We're going to have a
lot of fun this summer.  See you tomorrow after school then.'

He opened the door then and stepped out into the house.  `Maybe,' I
whispered to myself.  I heard the front door slam as he left.

To be continued ...