Date: Sat, 23 Dec 2000 17:21:55 EST
From: VicHowel@aol.com
Subject: Growing Up Sexual - chapter XLI

Growing Up Sexual

Happy holidays everyone!

Chapter 41


Julian blushed when he saw mom standing at the front door beside me but
stepped back and invited us in like a proper gentleman and showed us into
the living room.  Across the hall, I could hear the soft clackety-clack of
an electric typewriter.  Julian excused himself and got Clyde from his
study for us.

Clyde joined us in the living room and Julian headed down the hall towards
the kitchen.  We sat down - Clyde on the sofa and mom and me on a little
loveseat that faced him.  I wished that I could go after him while the
adults were doing their greeting thing.  This whole thing promised to be
embarrassing.  Clyde kept the conversation general for the few minutes that
it took Julian to come back in with coffee and cookies for everybody.  He
sat down close to Clyde.  I blushed at how close they were sitting in front
of mom.

Mom cut to the chase immediately, ignoring Julian almost snuggling up to
his lover there in front of her.  She reminded Clyde of the Thanksgiving
retreat that Howard had put me and the Lee boys into and how Clyde had
helped us out of appearing in any more films.  Then she filled him in on
the Stokes brothers somehow getting a copy of that film and using it to
blackmail Richard.

Julian sat there staring at me, his mouth more and more open.  I didn't
know whether I wanted to cry or what.  I knew my face had to be flame red.
Here was one more person in Soul learning about my deepest, darkest past.

"Clyde, this doesn't affect just my son," mom told him.  "It's pretty
obvious both of your nephews are as homosexual as Vic is - these Stokes
boys went after Richard first, but all three of them are equally at risk."

Clyde sat back on the sofa and sipped his coffee.  He looked lost in
thought.  "Sallie Jual, will you let me handle this?" he asked.

"I don't want anyone hurt, Clyde."

"No-one will be.  At least, not physically-"

I glanced over at mom.  She didn't look happy with Clyde's statement at
all.

He sat forward, placing his cup on the coffee table before him.  "Sallie
Jual, most boys experiment with their friends.  They go on to find a girl
they like and get married - and forget about what they did with their
friends.  A few don't, of course - like Julian and me-"

"And Vic," mom added.

"Yes.  Like us.  It isn't a big thing as long as the boys keep it to their
friends and have a safe place to play.  I give them that.  But I've also
tried to keep the boys who come out here open-minded enough that they don't
hurt anybody else.  What these Stokes boys are doing to Richard isn't
normal."

"They're kids too, Clyde.  That Cary Stokes is maybe 12.  I don't want them
hurt.  Even with them doing this."

He nodded his agreement.  "Nobody's going to get hurt, Sallie Jual.  I
promise you that.  But I'm going to ask that you trust me."

She studied for a few moments before nodding.

"Okay, I'm going to ask that Vic stay with me for an hour or so.  I'll
bring him home."

"Why?"

"We have to get a real feel for the situation."  He winked at me.  "And I
suspect that your son would be one ever more embarrassed boy if he had to
get down to the nitty gritty in front of you."  If anything my face felt
hotter.

Mom looked at me.  "Are you okay with this?"

I nodded numbly, ashamed to meet her gaze.

"Okay, I'll leave you boys to do your thing," she mumbled and stood up.
She faced Clyde.  "I want 2 things - the first is that you won't have Vic
doing anything illegal ..."

"You've got it.  And the second?" Clyde asked.

"That if this gets mucked up, you'll help me get a hospital far enough away
from Soul that Vic can live normally, where this mess won't follow him."
He nodded his agreement.

She turned to me and said: "Vic, just be good."

All 3 of us watched her start for the door.  Julian jumped up and rushed
after her to open the front door for her.

"I'm going to call the Weeks boys.  As soon as I'm through, get Billy Lee
on the phone and tell him Henry and Jimmy are coming to pick him up," Clyde
told me as soon as we heard the door close.  "And, if Richard is back from
the Stokeses, I want him out here too."


Billy hadn't minded at all that his Uncle Clyde and Julian knew about him.
He seemed to think that was cool; I kept seeing him eyeing their crotches
and knew what he was thinking.  The boy had dick on the brain.  He did
sorta freak when Broughton and Lindy showed up and found out about him as
well - for about a minute.  Then, he started figuring out the number of
dicks that were in the room and started squirming like a cat on a hot tin
roof.  I figured he'd start talking in tongues if he ever saw what
Broughton had behind his zipper.

Richard was mortified when he found out he'd been brought to a war council
and what everybody there knew about him.  He couldn't decide whether to be
as red as a beet or as white as a sheet.  He'd tried so hard to make
everybody think he was God's gift to girls.  He'd kept up the pretense even
after little Cary started him bending over regularly.  There were the big
boys, the most popular ones in school - the Weeks twins and Broughton - and
Julian whom everybody knew was queer.  And his uncle.  And his classmate
Lindy.  After he figured he wasn't going to get beat up, have us tell his
daddy, or have us all spread it around school that he was queer, he'd
settled down.

Clyde had had to discipline Joe Phillips and Ronnie Varnadore the past
year.  One had got close to outing Lindy and the other had nearly outed me.
Clyde took care of his fellow queers.  And he'd got Henry, Jimmy, and
Broughton to help him out.

They hadn't hurt either boy.  Mom would be happy about that.  But they'd
sure taught both of them what was what.  In the back of my mind, I was
still wondering after I was home if Ronnie had turned out to be as good a
fuck as Joe had.  I knew I didn't want to find out.  I could just imagine
him moaning and groaning Jesus' name while I was diddling him.

Clyde had brought them in along with Lindy to help discipline the Stokeses.
That was the basic plan he'd set out for us.  And he wanted the movie
they'd somehow got.  For his private collection, he told us.  Nobody would
see it except him and Julian - and it would be safely out of anybody else's
hands.  Both the Lee boys and I went along with that one.

Our problem was that it was almost impossible to catch Clem Stokes alone
anywhere.  Or even with just his brother.  Clem was asthmatic, and his
mother had him tied to her apron strings. The boy didn't do anything a
normal kid did.

And, even if we could get him alone somehow, none of us wanted to try to
find his butthole in all that fat.

Then, all of us except Richard and Billy thought paying back 12 year old
Cary was a little too close to cradle-robbing.  We all agreed that the kid
had it coming.  It was just that none of us wanted to do it to him, even if
he could shoot off.

It was when we'd got to that impasse that Henry told us what Ronnie had
almost done in the locker room that afternoon.  Lindy and I both went white
as sheets when we heard about that.

Clyde called it a day after that.  He suggested that we all think about way
to get the movie from the Stokeses and how to keep them quiet.  And what we
were going to do with Ronnie.  Henry and Jimmy promised to pick up the
Lee's after Richard had finished servicing the Stokes brothers.

* * *

When the twins dropped me by the house, I knew things were going to get
hairy in my life - in all of our lives.  I also knew that Ronnie Varnadore
had got religion and was threatening to start outing everybody who'd ever
gone to Clyde's.  Talk about getting royally fucked ... That boy was
learning how to power drive a hard one.

Richard got out with me.  Together, we stood at the foot of the drive and
watched the Weeks boys and Billy drive off.

"You won't mind giving me a ride home later, will you, Vic?" Richard asked.

"Mom won't mind.  But I am a little surprised that you didn't go on with
Billy-"

He looked down at his hands.  "I got the impression the twins wanted to get
into something - and that Billy was interested."

"And you weren't?"

"No."  He sighed and looked straight at me.  "I've learnt one thing about
me this past month - I'm just as queer as you and Billy are.  But I feel
dirty sucking Clem off and letting Cary butt-fuck me.  I like it all right
- I get hard and cum when it's happening.  But I feel dirty afterwards."

He looked over his shoulder at my house and mom's car parked up at the top
of the drive.  "Vic - I don't know how to say this ... Billy only thinks
about hard dicks.  I don't.  It's not that I'm ashamed of liking sex.  I'm
not even ashamed that I like to suck and get fucked.  It's just that I want
more than dick with my sex."

I understood.  I'd had 11 dicks up my butt and down my throat the past
couple of years; but the ones that I'd enjoyed before, during, and after
were the ones where I felt something for the boys attached to them.  The
only time that I'd not enjoyed myself was when I was making that movie for
the preacher.

"I don't know how to say this either, Vic," Richard continued, "but there's
only one boy I know that I really want to have sex with - because I think
it'd be making love when we were doing it.  There'd be more than just the
sex."  He sniffed and quickly wiped his eyes.  "Only, this shit with Clem
and Cary has ruined it for me with him-"

"Why?"

"Who'd want a guy who sucked off something as fat as Clem or let a little
kid like Cary get behind him?"

"But they're blackmailing you-"

"I could've said 'no'."

"And got labelled all over town.  If this guy is any good at all, he'll
understand.  He'll be happy just to have you."

"I wish."

"Who is it?"

Richard didn't answer for the longest time.  But he kept looking at me.  I
got nervous.  "Who?" I asked again.

He shut his eyes.  "You," he whispered.

"Me?" I cried.

Richard Lee wanted me?  Like I wanted him?  Like I'd always wanted him?  I
couldn't believe it.

"Why're you grinning like that?" he groaned.

"Because you've just made me the happiest man in Soul, Richard."  I took
his arm.  "Come on, let's go see if Mrs. Yokum cooked up enough for three
of us," I told him as I started up the drive with him in tow.

"Why're you so happy?" he grumbled beside me.

"Because I've wanted you ever since that first time.  I just never thought
you'd want me."

He snorted as we passed by mom's car.  "We've got to be about the stupidest
kids in Soul, Vic.  You because you want me and me because I didn't see
it."

"That's the past now, Richard.  We've got the rest of our lives ahead of us
if we work it right."

He smiled.  "Yeah, we do, don't we?"

"Mom!!!" I called out as we entered the house.  "Can Richard stay for
dinner?"



She was standing at the sink when we got to the kitchen.  She took one look
at us and said: "Richard Lee, come here."

He went white and I could imagine some of the things going through his
head, because they were running through mine too at that moment. He started
towards her slowly, his head down.

Mom encircled him with her arms and pulled him to her.  "Richard, I'm so
sorry this has happened.  Are you all right?"

Richard was mom's height and bigger than she was by a good 30 lbs, but she
squeezed him to her like he was a little kid.  I saw the tears glistening
in her eyes.  Richard let go then and started crying like a baby.

"It's hard, baby," she cooed at his ear.  "But it's going to be all right.
You're strong - and you're a good man."

"I wanted to be a man, Mrs. Howell - just like my dad ... I tried-"

"And you will be, Richard.  You already are."

"I'm queer," he sobbed.

"Being a man isn't determined by what sex you like.  You, Billy, and Vic -
you're good men.  Like your Uncle Clyde.  He's a man that you can be proud
to be like."

I was sniffing just watching them.  Mom had always known just what to say
to make me feel better.  Now, she was showing that it wasn't just me she
had that effect on.  I was glad of that.  Richard had said he wanted me.  I
wanted him to see a lot of mom in the years ahead of us.

When his crying jag had slowed down to just sniffles, mom ran us both out
of the kitchen.  She told us we had an hour and to clean our faces.

Richard followed me back to my room.  I shut the door behind him and turned
to face him.

"I love you, Vic," he mumbled over his shoulder.  "I guess I always have,
even though I didn't understand it until just the last couple of weeks.  I
forced sex on you that day in the pool because I thought you were about the
cutest kid around.  I shared you with Billy because he's my brother and
we've always shared everything-"

I stepped up behind him and put my arms around him.  "Sshh," I told him and
nibbled on his ear.

"No, Vic.  I've got to make you understand this.  Maybe I've got to make
myself understand it-" He stayed in my arms, his hands moving up to hold
mine.  "I always wanted to be with you - you know, as a kid.  When Billy
and I started fooling around, it felt good and all - but I kept wanting to
do it with you.  For you to be Billy, I guess.  After we all were
butt-fucking and all - I wanted it to be you I got into bed with at night,
every night.  I wanted to be holding you instead of Billy.  Then, making
that movie, I found out what it was like to have you inside me.  I wanted
to share myself with you, like you were doing with me.  That scared me,
Vic."

"Do you love me?" I asked pulling him back against me.

"Yeah."

"I love you too, Richard Lee.  The past is past.  We've got the whole
future ahead of us.  We've just got to hold onto each other and grab it
together."

"Do you really love me?"

My lips trailed down from his ear to his neck.  "Yeah."

"Hold me, Vic.  Just hold me.  And don't ever let me go."

I held him until mom called us to dinner.  It was hard to let go even then.