Date: Fri, 29 Dec 2006 20:44:40 -0800 (PST)
From: high5fiveme (at) lycos (dot) com
Subject: It Just Happens

The first time is very important to the mind of man. I have investigated
this and I think that the first time you are infatuated with someone
probably is the first time and the time you may remember most.  Its like
the time you committed to your overall lasting sexuality.  Like the most
important time.  Maybe you become bi cause you see a girl or guy later but
it is kinda that first time that sticks with you and that is the time you
just seem to trying to get back to. The time that really got imprinted in
your mind like the ducks that followed the scientist around who was there
at their birth.  Could sex really be this easy.  Yes it could!  Think about
it.  Did we start our real interest from that first time. And all else was
just what we followed because culture directed us and said we should go the
direction of what religion or our local culture wanted....

Well my first time was just a time to think and to feel. I was six or seven
and lived in Oklahoma. I had an all girls neighborhood and my mother was
extremely happy about that. She was not happy about the fact there was a
boy who lived around the corner who dressed in high heels and girls
clothes.  I think he was probabably about six years old.  She told me not
to play with him or have anything to do with him with no real explanation
why.  I personally just looked at him and thought he is just one of the one
million girls in that neighborhood.  I would play house and I would marry
every girl in the neighborhood.  We played house and dolls and whatever!!!!
I was truly not interested and for some reason none of the girls were not
really interested in me completely.  I later decided it might have been
because I had a hairlip and probably their mothers told them that they
could do better than me and maybe they shouldnt be playing with me or
seducing me!  I dont know maybe just my thinkings later but makes sense
because not one girl wanted to play doctor or do anything with me and I was
really kinda cute.

Anyway, I had only one boy who would come over from time to time to play
with me without the girls around.  I think we were six or seven years of
age. He was absolutely a gorgeous American Indian boy.  No idea what tribe
to this day. His skin was dark and when I look back at his pictures today,
I wonder why I didnt keep contact with him. In fact, ran into him at a
recent high school reunion and he is single.  Shit im such chicken...  So
we played and played and played.  I have pictures of me with my hands on
him when we are shooting play guns.  I was infatuated with him before I
even knew what that was.  So one night I went to his house for my first
sleep over and we got down to our underwear and I can distinctly remember
that was my first realized hardon.  I was an only child and never seen
anyone like that.  I got hard in my underwear looking at him in his
underwear.  I was gay!!  Hopelessly gay from that point on.  There was no
girl that ever had a chance with me after that.  I wasnt interested or
cared about one of them.  I didnt wanta marry them or have their babies. I
just wanted to find a way to suck cock and fuck boys from that day on and I
had no clue that is what I was gonna do....

Now ask yourself when this started and who caused it and why it happened
and I'll tell you there is not true explanation but it happens because of
the way the mind works...so dont worry...be happy...and enjoy...  I am old
now and have too little experiences because I had so much fear over the
years but things have changed and there is freedom now so be free and
realize no one can tell you what you like...it just happens....