Date: Fri, 06 May 2016 03:23:55 -0400
From: mn bbb <samtheham@yandex.com>
Subject: Lost in the dark Chapter 8

Lost in the Dark chapter 8

Ryder was sure his parents knew he was high. When they got home he had been
curled up on the couch staring at the TV. His dad told him to go to bed so
it must've been late but Ryder's memory was a little fuzzy. He couldn't
even remember if he put away their secret little stash or not. Not that he
cared.

He stumbled into the kitchen grabbing a bottle full of green tea and
downing it. Yesterday was a little fuzzy in his head. He didn't think it
was all because of pot. He remembered Brendan and going back to Xander's
place, but everything else seemed unreal like he had been watching it
rather than doing anything.

Ryder couldn't deny that he had screwed Xander over. He regretted that but
it was best that their relationship was over. He didn't deserve it. It had
been fun. Ryder had liked that he could make Xander laugh and hanging out
with his other friends had been fun some time. He had never fit in. He was
like a comet coming in from outside of the deep cold space blazing briefly
and then leaving. He didn't deserve friends. He definitely didn't deserve
Xander.

Glancing up at the clock he noticed it was fairly late so he went back to
his room and changed before grabbing some money and starting to walk to the
convenience store. He felt weird. He didn't know if he should be happy or
sad or something else. What do you feel like when you break up? According
to TV he should feel sad but really he just felt numb.

At the convenience store he bought a candy bar and decided to eat it on the
way home. He was maybe a quarter of the way home and only on his second
bite when he heard his name called.

"Ryder!"

Flinching at the sound of his name, he recognized the voice. His first
reflex was to break into a run, but he had this coming. Bracing himself he
turned around getting ready to get hit.

Xander was sprinting towards him. The other boy only slowed in his last few
steps coming to a stop maybe two feet away and bending over to catch his
breath. Then Xander looked back up at him. "I've been on the lookout for
you all morning. How are you doing?"

Ryder stared at the taller boy having difficulty forming
words. "Um... Fine."

"Good. You had us worried. My parents even called yours."

Ryder's stomach clenched. Well, eventually they were going to find out he
was a little cock sucker. It's not like they would do anything about
it. "Yeah."

Xander smiled. "Can we go to your place or mine to finish this
conversation? Preferably yours?"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to talk about the stuff where anyone can hear."

His mind tried to work around that. "Aren't you angry?"

Xander's face twisted into a grimace. "I just want to talk. Please."

"My parents are still home, but we can talk in the backyard."

"Fine." Xander said starting to walk toward Ryder's house.

Ryder followed silently no longer certain of what was going to happen. When
they got home he led Xander to the backyard. It was nothing special with
the main feature being a stump from a tree that was cut down from before
they were there. Not knowing what else to do Ryder made his way there and
sat down Xander sitting next to him.

"Okay." Xander said as he sat down. "Are you really feeling okay?"

Ryder was about to lie by saying yes, but something changed his mind. "I
don't. I am sorry."

Xander let out a little snort. "Yeah, well it wasn't exactly how I pictured
coming out to my parents. Can't do anything about that now although."

Ryder winced, feeling the words like a blow. "Are you in a lot of trouble?"

"No." Xander let out a long sigh. "They were a little angry at first but
then I got more embarrassing. Turns out my dad's bisexual. He wants to talk
to you."

"What? Why?"

"Because of were going to be boyfriends there are some rules that have to
be set down. Among other things."

Ryder jumped to his feet. "We are not boyfriends!"

"Why? Just because we had a little fight? I fight with my friends all the
time."

Ryder squeezed his eyes shut gritting his teeth. "Where not boyfriends."

Xander didn't say anything. Time passed at a snail's pace before Ryder
forced himself to open his eyes. Xander was just staring at him.

"Why?" Xander finally said.

Ryder felt tightness in his chest. He knew it was coming. He couldn't hide
it anymore. "Because you're normal. You have nice parents. They care about
you. I'm messed up, broken, lost."

"No you're not." Xander said interrupting him and coming closer.

Ryder pushed him away and set up. "What do you know! You don't know me! You
want to know me? Did you know my parents bring home pot and I steal some
from them? I was high last night. I bet you didn't know that? You want to
know what. I didn't do it just for that. Brendan and Kevin, I used to suck
their cock all the time and then we would all get a little wasted. You
weren't my first. You weren't even the biggest. I liked it when they used
to boss me around. I liked it!" He slapped his fist against his chest
emphasizing his point.

Ryder turned away after a second not being able to watch Xander look at him
anymore. Walking over to the fence, he put his arms up and rested his head
against them. He could hear Xander stand up.

"Were we ever dating?"

He wanted to make this easy on Xander. He wanted to say no I was just using
you, but he couldn't say that. "It was a mistake."

"Because I deserve someone better than you." Xander said.

Ryder winced. Those words hit him in a place he didn't even know he had. He
thought that hearing them from Xander was different. He slowly sunk to the
ground fighting back tears.

Xander took a few steps closer and Ryder could hear him standing right
behind him. Then he felt Xander's hand on his back. "I didn't mean that,
but you're thinking something like that right?"

Ryder nodded.

The other boy let out a sigh. "Would you please come back to my place. My
parents like you and are worried about you. They wanted me to tell you that
you're not in trouble with them. My dad does want to talk to you though and
then maybe her parents. He would prefer to talk to you first though."

Ryder took a deep breath and exhaled. He didn't know what to do. Xander was
telling him this or that was what it felt like and he could do
that. "Okay."

##################

Xander sat on the kitchen counter staring out into the backyard. Ryder and
his dad were out back sitting into lawn chairs, their backs to him. He
couldn't make out what they were talking about but he knew some of it
already.

"Get off the counter dear."

Xander twisted his head around to see his mother coming into the kitchen
and he hopped off the counter. "Sorry." He looked down his face turning a
little red still embarrassed about last night. After Ryder had ran out his
parents had first come to the door to see if Ryder was still there and
looked at him. His mother in particular seemed to give him that you're in
trouble look. Surprisingly, the hammer had not fallen right away. They had
just been as confused as he was. Being sent to his room was probably the
worst thing that could happen that moment. He wanted to go after Ryder but
at the same time he wasn't sure if it was to punch him in the face or make
sure he was okay.

Later both of his parents had come up and grilled him. If he had had more
time to think about it he might've tried to minimize the amount of stuff
they had done but at that time so confused that the truth was just
easier. He knew his parents had discussed that later, but then their
attention had turned towards Ryder. He still couldn't figure out what
happened, but his dad had suggested it had been a panic attack. Somehow
knowing that Ryder hadn't meant to out him to his parents made him feel
better.

Then he had felt very uncomfortable and his mom left and his dad had sat
down next to him to talk about sex. Knowing that his dad had a boyfriend
hadn't been much comforting. As was the safe sex talk that followed.

"I heard your phone going off when I was upstairs. Here." His mother said
placing the phone next to him on the counter.

"Thanks." Xander said picking it up for the distraction. He smiled at the
message that popped up. "Jessie's asking if I want to play a one-on-one
game loser buys milkshakes." On any other day of the week he would've taken
her up on that offer, but he quickly texted back 'family stuff today'.

"Jessie, that the girl who was here right?" His mother asked and she
started to put away some dishes.

"Yeah, she's pretty good at basketball." Xander said moving over to help
his mother.

"And has she tried to get you alone before?" His mother asked.

Xander had to think for a moment. "I guess. Why?"

His mother let out a sigh. "Xander, did it ever occur to you that she might
have a crush on you?"

He let out a little laugh as he took a few dishes from her. "No way."

"Mmm, well keep it in mind. She doesn't know she doesn't have the necessary
equipment to interest you."

Xander nearly dropped plates and shot a look at his mother who smiled back
wickedly.  "It's not like that."

His mother shrugged. "I'm not surprised to people like you. You're a very
handsome boy."

Xander felt himself starting to blush. "Mom please."

"All right, all right. I'm just saying."

Xander opened the cupboard and put the dishes away but his mind fell again
on Ryder in the yard. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know for sure. Will try our best." His mom said coming up next to
him and wrapping her arms around him. He melted into the hug like he hadn't
for a very long time.

"I like him." He knew those words had a lot more meaning now.

"I know. You got him here and I think that was good."

The stayed like that for a few seconds but when Xander saw his dad stand up
and make his way towards the house he ran towards the back door and waited
there. When his father came in Xander immediately blurted. "Well?"

His father gave him a weak smile. "Why don't you go talk to Ryder."

Without another word Xander was out the door, but instead of running right
up to the chair he stopped a few feet away making sure Ryder would notice
him first. Ryder was slumped in the chair leaning to one side and staring
at the ground. It took him a while to realize someone was standing there
but when he looked up his eyes were red like he had been crying.

"I have problems."

Xander bit his lip and nodded. "Okay."

Then Ryder smiled weakly. "Your dad's good at this. I think I know what a
father-son chat is now."

Xander felt himself smiling as he dropped into the chair. "Yeah, he is."

There was a long pause that felt like a minute or more before Ryder spoke
again. "I'm really sorry. I mean I'm really sorry about everything."

Inhale deeply he slowly let out a breath. "It's okay. I wish my parents had
found out a different way about I don't know it's kind of a relief." He
waited a few seconds before adding. "So what about us?"

Ryder shifted. "I definitely want to be your friend... If you
want. Anything more... My head hurts. Can I get back to you?"

"Yeah." He thought of adding more to that but Xander decided to pull it
back. He had never known talking could take so much out of someone. "So now
what?"

"Your parents or call mine and they're going to talk. I don't know
really. Your dad suggested some things but I don't know." Ryder slowly
straightened in the chair. "I didn't lie earlier you know. All that stuff I
told you it was true."

Xander shifted and looked at the far fence. "It's fine." He had actually
tried not to think too much about that. It was weird.

"Brendan said if I didn't start doing it again he would tell everyone what
I did."

A flash of anger shot through Xander and for a second he probably could've
killed Brendan. "He's an asshole."

"Yeah, but probably not lying."

Xander wasn't sure what to say so he nodded. "Fine."

Ryder sank down into the chair curling up into a ball so he was laying in
it. "I'm tired."

"You can lie down in my room if you want."

"Thanks, but they should be here soon." Ryder said sleepily.

Xander nodded, but he didn't say anything. He was pretty sure Ryder was
asleep a few minutes but it was a good hour before his parents showed up or
at least until they came out to the backyard. Xander made himself
scarce. His interactions with Ryder's parents have been very limited and he
felt like a stranger.

They woke Ryder up and even though they talked for a bit and he slowly
circled around them to stand with his parents who were also out of
earshot. Finally Ryder's family started towards them. Ryder was staring
down at the ground but when they stopped and his dad shared some words with
each other Ryder looked up and waved at him. Xander waved back.

He watched them go and he felt his dad's hand on his shoulder. Xander
looked up. "What's going on?"

His dad smiled down at him and pulled him into a hug. "Well, about a year
ago a contract to help rewrite some descriptions on the website. It was for
a hospital... A mental one."

Xander felt his stomach clench. "Ryder's not crazy."

"No, no he isn't." Ryder's dad said kneeling down a little to look at him
at eye level. "He does need help. He will also need friends when he gets
out. The hospital had an opening today so there can take him right away."

"He will be okay though, right?"

His dad nodded. "I talked to some of the staff was rewriting their
stuff. They all seemed very nice and it's supposed to be really good. So
yeah I think you'll be okay."

Xander nodded.

"Good now let's have lunch."

Xander couldn't believe that everything that had happened was before
lunch. He ate without noticing much. His thoughts were on Ryder and
Brendan. It wasn't hard to see that everything had gone bad after the
basketball game. He wouldn't have even known that was Brendan except for he
had asked everybody when he had seen him talking to Ryder. If he had known,
he would've interrupted earlier.

He didn't know if Brendan would say anything about Ryder or not. He
couldn't mention the marijuana stuff, but maybe the other stuff. His first
thought of threatening to be the boy up if he did didn't seem like it would
actually work. Maybe he could offer to take Ryder's place but the idea
turned his stomach.

Then an idea occurred to him. It was crazy but he wanted to do
something. He let his mind sleep on it, but in the morning it still seems
like a good idea. As lunch approached the idea seemed a little less like a
good idea, but Ryder's absence made it easier. He waited until the lunch
line was empty and then he excused himself from his group and made his way
towards the end of the table where there were a few empty seats. Waiting to
make sure the lunch monitors were far enough away he stood up on the seat
and raised his voice. "Quiet! Quiet please!"

For possibly the first time in lunchroom history he didn't have to repeat
himself. Maybe because it was coming from a fellow student rather than a
teacher but enough people looked over his way that others did too. This
must be what a deafening silence sounded like. Trying to moderate his voice
so he didn't lose it he continued. "My name is Xander. I'm in the sixth
grade. I'm gay. If anyone here has a problem with that, please feel free to
see me after school to have their butt kicked by me. That is all."

He jumped down and sat on the seat he had stood on his legs feeling like
rubber. That was the beginning on the weirdest weeks in his life.

As it turned out disrupting the entire cafeteria was a reason to see the
principal. That was actually a first for him. The fact that he didn't get a
detention out of it was also surprising even if he couldn't explain why he
felt the need to tell everyone at once. He ended up missing only half of
maths. A couple of his friends came over to him when they saw him, Jessie
and RJ among them. They seemed more interested in his possible detention
than anything else. As they made their way to the tag field Jessie made his
mom right.

"I'm kind of glad. I was beginning to think you didn't like me."

The really weird stuff started at home. Around 4 o'clock that night he
received a phone call and not just a text. It was Ryder. Apparently he was
allowed to call out of the hospital but only two numbers his parents had
approved and Xander had made the list. Xander didn't tell him about his
little stunt in the cafeteria and instead they just talked about small
things. The next day he received a similar call I went along the same
lines. It was weird but nice just to hear his voice and in a way it
reassured him. It wasn't until the fourth like that Ryder actually
addressed the hospital he was in.

"So there's this boy here name Keith. He's had a lot of bad stuff happened
to him. I told him I felt bad because my sub didn't seem like much compared
to him and he flipped out. You know why he flipped out Xander?"

"I can't guess." Xander answered.

"He said despite everything he's been through at least he can tolerate
people being nice to him."

Xander was silent. After a few seconds he finally said. "Okay."

Ryder took a deep breath. "Xander, I always thought there was a reason you
were being nice to me. That you wanted something from me. I couldn't think
of it any other way. Your parents aren't like that though and neither are
you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay Ryder." Xander said his eyes weirdly becoming blurry.

To Xander's complete surprise by the time Saturday rolled around when Ryder
called he said he was being released the next day. It seemed like a short
visit but Ryder did sound better at least to Xander's ears from the last
time he had seen him. As things worked out though he got home so late
Sunday at the first day he saw him was Monday exactly one week after he had
outed himself.

Xander sat at his desk wondering if Ryder was gonna make it in that
day. The fact that he had come out a week ago was now old news hardly worth
mentioning. So he casually talked to the kid sat across from him but kept
an eye on the door.

Ryder came in walking fast and came right up to his desk. "You came out to
the entire school?" Ryder announced loudly staring at him with something in
his eyes Xander hadn't seen before.

Xander shifted surprisingly nervous. "It seemed like a good idea at the
time."

"Yeah, well now were going to date I have to come out too!"