Date: Thu, 31 Mar 2011 07:14:34 -0600
From: michaelpete@hushmail.com
Subject: Malcolm 20

Be advised that in the following one will find graphic sexual depiction
between minors and minors and adults. The story is fiction but based on
real characters, events, places and situations. There is no relationship
between the names used and that of any real person. Send comments to
mihaelpete@hushmail.com

Michael Peterson

MALCOLM

CHAPTER 20 -- ON MY OWN

      The news that Frank had been busted was devastating. I had nowhere
else to go but back to Martin's area where they were watching for me. The
police might come to Frank's house to search it. Everything I had was
there, including my money. If they found it, they'd probably figure it was
stolen and take it. I only had a little over five dollars in my pocket.

      Genie knew what was on my mind. "Lemme ask around for someplace you
can stay for a couple days."

      "We gotta get my stuff out of the house now."

      "Okay, c'mon."

      Sammy didn't want to go near Frank's house so went home.

      There were a couple of women sitting on stoops and three small kids
playing with dolls when we entered the alley. Inside, the house looked
undisturbed. But, someone had been there. Fear became terror. The contents
of my knapsack were dumped on the bed. I searched frantically but the money
was gone, all of it. All I had was the five dollars and change in my
pocket.

      Genie saw the panic in my face. "What's missing?"

      "My money."

      "You left money here? You're crazy. C'mon, we gotta get outta here."

      In a haze, I gathered my belongings and stuffed them into the
knapsack. I looked under the bed for my leather shoes but they were missing
too. I felt like crying. I needed food. We went downstairs to the kitchen
to see what was left. The refrigerator was empty. They'd even taken the
carrots and two eggs that had been left.

      Genie said, "Whoever came in here had a key."

      "What?"

      "Whoever came in had a key. Nothing's broken. Look at the door and
the windows."

      He was right. I went to the front of the house then back
upstairs. Neither front nor back windows were broken.

      I sat dejected on the bed. Genie sat beside me and put his arm over
my shoulder.

      "You can't go trusting nobody around here, especially a motherfucker
like Frank. I don't know this kid told you to stay with him but he din't do
you no favor. Frank's mother kicked him outta her house for stealin' from
her, his own mother. I steal when I get the chance but I don't steal from
my friends and I sure as shit don't steal from my own mother."

      I'd been stealing from my mother and father for years. I wondered if
he was telling the truth.

      "You really think the police are going to come here today?"

      He thought about it. "Maybe not. It's Sunday afternoon. Nah, they
won't come `til tomorrow if they come. They might not even come. If it was
just a car they stole, maybe not. You can stay here tonight. I'll go ask
around and see if there's someplace you can stay tomorrow. Maybe one a the
fags?"

      "They let kids stay at their houses?"

      "I never done it but maybe if you say you ain't got no place ta
stay."

      "Can we hustle tonight?"

      "Shit, you can hustle any night. They're around every night, even
afternoons sometimes."

      "Now?"

      "Not so much now. About five or six. Maybe you can get one a them to
buy you somethin' ta eat."

      We heard the front door open. I grabbed Genie and pulled him into the
bathroom. Someone walked to the back of the house, into the kitchen. There
were no voices. If it had been the police, there would be at least two. The
footsteps came up the stairs. The door opened. It was Frank.

      He smiled. "Who're you guys hidin' from?"

      "Where's my money?" I asked angrily.

      "What money?"

      Genie pushed him back. "Tom's money you stole out'a his stuff."

      "Hey, I hadda make bail. I just borrowed it. I'll give it back when I
get paid."

      "And my shoes?"

      "Hey, I din't take no shoes. Vinny's brother come to get the money
for bail. You gotta talk ta him `bout that."

      "He took the food too so what're we gonna eat?"

      "I don' know but you gotta find someplace else ta stay. Fer sure my
probation officer's gonna be here in the mornin' an' you can't be here."

      He wasn't going to be my benevolent older brother.

      "You motherfucker," growled Genie, "You steal his money an' now
you're throwin' `im out?"

      "Hey, what'm I s'posed to do? Go ta jail for some kid `cause he's got
problems? Fuck, no. He can stay tonight but he's gotta be gone by seven
`cause the man comes early, before I go ta work."

      "When do I get my money?"

      "Friday when I get paid."

      "Wait a minute,' said Genie, "You just got paid Friday. Where's that
money?"

      "I gotta eat, don' I."

      "You better watch your ass, Frank, `cause somethin' could happen ta
it real soon. C'mon, Tommy. Let's get the fuck away from this
motherfucker."

      "Hey, it's not my fault I got busted yesterday?"

      "Fuck you, Frank. Don't come aroun' my way." He stopped. "You owe
Tommy a hundred dollars fer cleanin' up your shit hole house so that's plus
a hundred you owe and you better pay, faggot motherfucker."

      The moment we got outside, Genie said calmly, "Think I scared his
ass?"

      I'd thought he was really angry. "I hope so. I need that money. We've
gotta find a place for me to sleep tonight."

      We hustled. No one came by for nearly an hour. A heavy set man in a
Buick drove by twice. Genie waved furtively but told me he liked older kids
who could cum. The man didn't come back.

      Another he knew drove by in a pickup. He took us to a cheap motel
south of the city and blew us. We negotiated fifty cents more for him to
get off between my legs. He couldn't have anyone at his house. He didn't
say why.

      Genie turned his back when the next car passed looking. He pulled me
with him. "He's a real asshole. I don't wanna go nowhere with him."

      I asked why.

      "The lyin' motherfucker tole some kids he fucked me."

      It was another twenty minutes and dark before we were checked over by
a young man in an old black Ford. He stopped down the block. Genie said
he'd seen him around before but had never gone with him and didn't know
what he liked. We went to talk.

      "Hi, you, a looking for somebody?" he asked

      "No, we just thought you was lost or somethin'."

      "No, just driving around. What are you guys up to?"

      "Nothin'. Okay, see ya."

      Genie pushed me back from the car and walked us down the street.

      "He ain't no fag. Maybe a cop or from welfare. Let's walk normal."

      He led me off the boulevard and down into the small streets feeding
it. The car didn't follow us.

      "Cops got your picture?" asked Genie.

      "Yes."

      "Then they ain't looking fer you here or he's welfare or juvenile,
probably welfare."

      That was chilling. Getting caught was one thing. Getting caught
hustling homosexual sex was another entirely. I wasn't sure I wanted to do
it anymore.

      "Can you call that guy Bill?" I asked

      "Nah, none of `em I know gives their telephones but he usually comes
around during the week. We just don't know when. Let's go down to the
Avenue. Maybe that guy won't go there."

      I needed to take a shit. We went back in the woods. I wiped myself
with some trashed business forms we found.

      A man Genie knew passed by us then stopped as we were walking.

      "That's Mike. He might let you stay a couple days with him. He don't
work. Got disability or somethin'. But you gotta blow him. He'll do most
anything you want for a good blow job. Up to you."

      He was middle aged, decent looking and clean. I figured I could blow
him for a few nights lodging.

      "Hey, Mike," greeted Genie when we got to the car, an old Dodge.

      "Who's your friend?" asked the man with a smile.

      "This is Tom. You wan' us to go with you?"

      "Sure, get in." He held his hand out to me as I entered. We squeezed
with him into the front seat, me in the middle.

      Genie raised his eyebrows and made an upward nod of his head, seeking
my decision regarding blowing this man or not. I nodded yes.

      Mike asked the standard questions as we drove. I gave him the
standard answers. We went to his second floor apartment twenty minutes away
on the outskirts of the city. He walked with a heavy limp as though his
right leg was shorter than his left. His place was small but clean and
orderly with a nice kitchen off to the side of the dining room, living room
combination. We went straight to his bedroom. Genie took off his pants and
lay across the bed. I followed suit. Mike sat between us and played with
our soft penises.

      Genie sat up and said softly, "For the right price, Tommy blows."

      "How much?"

      "Two dollars."

      "Whew, that's too much. He must be awfully good."

      "Maybe if you let him sleep here, he'll do it for less."

      "Gees, guys, I can't have anybody here these days. Problems with the
landlord. So, two dollars, huh? You real good?"

      "He done me. Almost blew my dick off."

      I smiled.

      "Okay, but two only if you're real good. You gotta take it all when I
shoot, okay?"

      "I nodded but worried what his sperm would taste like. Frank's had a
nasty smell to it."

      He took off his pants and asked me to take off my shirt. His
circumcised cock was hard when it came out of his underwear. It was about
the same size as Frank's but Mike's body was hairier. There wasn't any bare
skin in sight.

      I got on the floor between his knees. He had small balls. Maybe there
wouldn't be as much cum as Frank. I took the head in my mouth. It felt
different from those of John and Horace, the two biggest boys at camp, not
just thicker but a bit spongier. Mike lay back.

      I sucked on the head for a few moments then went down as far as I
could, two thirds of the shaft. He took a deep breath. Genie grinned at
me. I went up and down then off and down the shaft to where the hair
sprouted from the base. I pulled his cock down and went around it with my
lips gradually going back to the head and sucking him in again.

      Mike sat up on his elbows and watched me. I went down and ran my
tongue around the shaft while sucking in my cheeks against the sides. I
figured he'd received enough foreplay and began running my mouth up and
down, sucking hard. He reached out and held onto my shoulders then my
back. He lasted another two minutes. The swelling was more than I
expected. The cock head no longer fit between my upper teeth. It was
difficult to avoid scrapping his skin. He fell back and came. It tasted
awful, and kept coming. I swallowed fast as I could. I concentrated on the
two dollars I would receive, the same as I'd charged for this at camp but
with much sweeter tasting results.

      As soon as he started to soften, I stood up and asked for his
bathroom. When rinsing didn't help that much, I took a shot of his Colgate
toothpaste and swirled it around in my mouth while looking at myself in the
mirror. There I was, a muscular whore. I hadn't been away from home for two
weeks and was already homeless and nearly broke. But I was still surviving.

      I was also hungry. Mike fed us sandwiches and milk.

      I got permission to use my customer's telephone and called Francis.

      After telling him what had happened and listening to a stream of
apologies, I asked if he knew of anyone else.

      "There's this little kid I met a couple of times who lives near
Frank. Maybe he knows somebody. His name's Sammy and..."

      "I know him. I don't think he does. He was with us this afternoon and
didn't say anything. You know a kid named Genie?"

      "I met a few of them but I don't know their names. What are you going
to do?"

      "I dunno. Tell Martin to tell Freddy I'm gonna call my grandfather
Wednesday afternoon so be there."

      Mike took us back to the Avenue where we were picked up once more but
just for back seat BJ's as Genie called blow jobs. The guy was too smelly
for me to suck and wouldn't have provided shelter anyway. I'd earned three
seventy-five and some food but still had no place to sleep. It was almost
nine o'clock when we got back to the Boulevard near Frank's.

      Genie said, "Looks like you gotta sleep in the park tonight but we'll
find someplace tomorrow."

      "The park, outside? I can't do that. There's gotta be somewhere. I
can sleep on the floor."

      "But Tommy, ain't nobody gonna let you stay at their house aroun'
here. My father'd just throw you out."

      "What about Dumpy and the others?"

      "Them neither but you'll be okay in the park. I slept there
before. Ain't gonna be that cold and the grass is comfortable. Just find
some cardboard and put it around you."

      "Can't you come with me?"

      "Naw. I been away from the house since Friday. I gotta get
back. Anyway, I got school tomorrow."

      "I thought your weren't going to go tomorrow."

      "Naw, I better go but we'll find you a place tomorrow, don't
worry. Just stay away from where we were this morning. There's bad kids
down there. Stay up near the woods." He patted me on the shoulder. "I gotta
go. Just come to the hustling park tomorrow at about three thirty. And I'll
ask around school for a place too."

      Panic rose inside me. Genie patted me on the shoulder again and
walked away. I was alone, really alone.

      I looked up and down the Boulevard in hopes of spotting a man looking
for a nice warm boy. I was available. I walked up and down for what seemed
like hours. No one came by. I considered trying to sneak in to Bobby's but
there were no busses at that hour, or taxis if I could have afforded one. I
walked down the alley where Frank lived and stood in front of his door. I
still had my key. I quietly opened it and went to the sofa.

      Frank awakened me in the morning when he went through my pants for
the key. I grabbed his hand, unsure what was happening.

      "Gimme the fucking key. I ain't goin' ta jail for you."

      "I looked at his angry face. `Gimme my money and I'll give you the
key."

      "Hey kid, I can take it."

      I wanted to fight him rather than give in but couldn't afford the
torn clothes the surely would have resulted. I threw it on the floor.

      "If I don't have my money Friday, I'm gonna get you Saturday."

      I snatched up my backpack and walked out, swinging the door open
violently.

      My stomach asserted itself. I found a diner a few blocks up on a
commercial street and had breakfast for eighty cents. Fearing a policeman
with my picture spotting me, I walked down to the park and sat on the side
of a hill below the woods and watched squirrels chase each other from tree
to tree.

      Later, I walked down to the Avenue below the park and bought an apple
and a banana from a horse drawn cart for eight cents then two rolls from a
bakery for five cents. A police car drove by as I was leaving the bakery. I
ducked back inside and feigned looking at their cakes.

      At two forty-five, I was in the little triangular park on the
Boulevard sitting behind the lone tree there. A man drove around the park
and nodded at me. I walked to his door.

      "Wanna go for a ride?"

      "Where to?"

      "My place, about fifteen minutes from here."

      "I gotta be back by three thirty."

      He looked at his watch. "We can make it."

      "How much?"

      "Depends."

      "On what?" I looked around his car for evidence he wasn't what he was
supposed to be.

      "What you wanna do."

      "Whatta you wanna do?"

      He grinned. "Don't worry, I'm not a cop. Blow job okay?"

      "Dollar."

      "Fifty cents."

      "Okay, seventy-five."

      "Get in."

      He drove quickly to a row house just on the other side of
downtown. We did the usual questions and answers. He said his name was
Bill. He seemed a nice enough guy. His small two story brick front row
house looked very lived in with lots of pictures and knick knacks. We went
quickly to his bedroom. I dropped my pants and sat on his bed. He pushed up
my shirt.

      "You've got a nice body."

      He pushed me up on the bed and lay on his side head to toe with
me. He pulled my crotch to his face and sucked me in. As he rolled my dick
and balls around in his mouth, his hands slipped around to my behind and
squeezed my cheeks like they were rolls of toilet paper. He used them to
pull me in and out of his mouth. I got the idea and fucked his face. He
rolled on his back. I ended up on top of him with his crotch in my face. A
lump poked up from beneath his fly. I moved my head away and pumped,
wanting to get off as quickly as possible in order to make my appointment
with Genie.

      When I came, he stopped sucking and shifted my cock beneath his
tongue and played with my balls.

      "Bill, I better get back. I promised my friend I'd be there at three
thirty."

      "You're gonna let me get off, aren't you?"

      "How?" I didn't like the tone of his voice.

      "I mean, you sound like you're the type to give blow jobs yourself."

      "It's two dollars."

      "I didn't say fuck, I said suck."

      "I know. It's two dollars and we gotta do it fast or I won't have
time. I gotta get back or I won't have any place to sleep tonight." It fell
out of my mouth. I felt like an idiot but hoped he wouldn't think too much
about it. Of course, he did.

      "You a runaway?"

      "Look, sir, I've gotta get back. Please take me back."

      He sighed. "Okay, two dollars."

      I sighed. "Quick."

      His cock was bigger than Mike's. I got back on top and went down on
him immediately. He twiddled with mine while I worked hard and fast on
his. He licked my perineum. I remembered the shit I'd taken the day before
and imagined my hole wasn't very clean. He must have noticed because his
tongue returned to my balls.

      It took him at least five minutes to cum. It was as bad as Mike's but
all I had time for was a quick rinse. According to his wristwatch, we were
back at twenty to four. Genie was waiting. He and Bill knew each other.

      I told Genie where I'd slept.

      He laughed and said, "You got balls, I'll give ya that."

      He had no good news on a place to sleep. I wished I'd have asked Bill
until Genie explained that his mother lived there too and worked during the
day. Bill didn't work at all.

      Genie told me to hang around the park. He was going to talk to a kid
he knew a few blocks away. "If you can make some cash, do it. I'll wait."

      No sooner had Genie walked away than a police car drove by. I acted
like I was adjusting my backpack but he didn't seem to take notice of me. I
stood back from the street and watched more for cops than customers.

      Two cars drove by and looked, one twice but didn't stop. Genie was
back an hour or so later. The kid wasn't around. We sat on the wall at the
wide end of the park. Two more boys our age joined us. They knew
Genie. They had a date at five. The man came, looked me over and drove off
with the two boys.

      Sammy came by on his way home from running an errand.

      "You still at Frank's?" he asked.

      I told him what had happened and asked if he knew a place I could
sleep for the night, on the floor if necessary.

      "Promise not to touch anything and I can let you in the store about
eight or nine. I do my homework there so just knock on the window."

      I wanted to hug him. "Is there any place I can take a bath or a
shower and wash my clothes?"

      "Unh uh. It's just a novelty store. It doesn't have a bathroom or
water."

      I told him I'd be there before nine and returned to hustling in hopes
of finding a man who would trade a good blow job for a shower and use of
his washing machine. It turned out to be more difficult.

      The next man drove a station wagon with wall papering paraphernalia
in the back. Genie explained my needs. The man said he could help, even
feed me but wanted a `crack at your crack' as he smilingly put it. It took
me a moment to understand. He said his name was John. I guessed him to be
forty to fifty years old but he was bald so I was probably high by half a
decade or more. He wasn't very tall, perhaps five feet eight or nine
inches.

      "I ain't that big down here," he said pointing at his crotch as he
drove, "and I know how to put it in so it don't hurt."

      A look to Genie for advice only brought a brief shoulder shrug. "I
don't think so," I said.

      There had to be some water someplace where I could wash myself and my
clothes.

      This John had a row house on the far side of the city in an area that
looked a lot like where my friend Louis from the YMCA lived, an area where
boys hustled. We drove along the streetcar tracks and passed one that was
headed back to the turnaround down from my house.

      He drove into an alley between row houses and pulled into a concrete
back yard behind his. He had us help him unload all his gear and take it
into the basement where I saw his washing machine with its
wringer. Upstairs was sparsely furnished except for the kitchen, which was
quite complete with more electric appliances than ours. The second floor
bedroom was set up for sex. There were mirrors on the ceiling and wall, a
dresser drawer full of pornographic magazines and a jar of Vaseline and
roll of paper towels beside the large bed.

      Genie had been there once before. He went straight for one of the
porno magazines. Desperate for a bath and clean clothes, I asked to see the
man's cock. It was no larger than Frank's. John pitched his case.

      "First, we use a lot of Vaseline and do it real slow. I can make it
just hard enough to go in then it gets bigger inside you. And I fuck slow
so it don't hurt. Then you can put your clothes in the machine and shower
and we can eat."

      "Can I sleep here tonight?"

      "Are the cops looking for ya?"

      "Not much."

      "Okay, but just for tonight. You too Genie?"

      Genie answered, "Naw, I gotta go ta school in the morning. Why don't
you do me first so I can get home."

      I got the impression Genie didn't want to be left out of what small
cash earnings were to be had. However, once Genie was gone, I´d be, to a
great extent, at the mercy of this man. Would he stop if it hurt too much?

      "Genie, why don't you stay a little until we're done. It won't be
that late."

      "Listen, Tommy," said the man, "I promise, if it hurts a lot, I'll
stop but I know how to do it so it won't so don't worry."

      I worried.

      He sucked off Genie and took him home. I made sure Genie would
remember to let Sammy know I wouldn't be coming until the next day. With my
clothes in the washer, I took a long hot shower, the best I'd had since
leaving home, then sat around naked looking at uninteresting porno
magazines. Naked women with fur over their vaginas and great hanging
breasts did nothing for me. I wore one of his shirts to cover my naked
genitals while hanging my washed and wrung clothes on a pair of
clotheslines strung across his back porch.

      I worried about what was to happen when the man returned.

      There was a positive side to this. If I could learn how to take big
cocks in me, I could make more money and arrange a more comfortable, if not
stable, life. Anyhow, my father had taught me how to handle pain.

      By the time John returned and took off his clothes, I had a more
positive attitude.

      He told me to lie down on my belly while he covered his cock with
Vaseline and spread a finger full between my buns. He lay full on top of me
and put the head of his cock against my hole. He pushed the tip in just
enough so he could take his hand out. He wiped off his fingers with a paper
towel and breathed heavily.

      "This makes it get a little smaller," he explained.

      It worked because he had to slide forward bit by bit to maintain the
head in my pucker. Then, he pushed a little more inside. It was
uncomfortable but there was no pain. Even the discomfort disappeared after
a few moments. He waited then pushed again. It was the same. The next time
hurt but not a lot. He waited, all the while maintaining a gentle
pressure. There was a brief spike of pain when the head of his cock popped
inside followed by only mild discomfort. He continued inward. The arrival
at my prostate provided a pleasant mid entry interlude. His cock was
expanding as it went in and stretched my hole and wherever the head was. It
hurt at my anus but merely felt very full elsewhere. His pubic hairs
touched them pressed against my bottom.

      "See, what'd I tell you. I'm all the way in. Now we'll wait a little
and let your ass get stretched some more."

      We waited. Even the pain in my anus subsided. John slowly pulled
halfway out then pushed back in.

      "That okay?"

      "So far."

      He began a slow, rhythmic fucking, sliding out to the head then
pushing completely back in. It wasn't very comfortable but quite
bearable. However, when he got close to orgasm, he would grow.

      I remembered the mirror on the wall and looked. There we were. He was
pulling out more than I'd imagined. His ass rose high, his shiny shaft
slipped out, then his ass dropped down and his shaft disappeared inside
me. I tried to imagine where the head was reaching. It had to be around my
bladder or past it. It was quite a sight. It turned me on. My cock grew as
I watched him pump into me. I forgot the slight pain. I noticed he was
watching too. He smiled at me. Then he sped up a little.

      "This is the hard part," he said with a strain, "but it won't be
long."

      It did begin to hurt. His cock was bloating, my anus stretching
beyond what it was designed for. He continued to watch himself but his eyes
shut occasionally. He made airy grunting sounds with each thrust. My anus
stung with each entry. He gripped my shoulders tightly. His eyes closed. He
went faster then made a sound like he'd been punched in the gut. He began
to cum. Each pulse hurt. I counted them, three, four, five. They became
less pronounced at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, then dissipated along with
the discomfort. He panted beside my ear.

      "That was really good, Tommy, really good."

      He lay limp on me until his cock went limp too and was squeezed out
like toothpaste out of a tube. John rolled off me and lay on his back. I
wanted a blow job but was afraid to show him my hard on for fear he might
be rougher next time. Yes, I did expect a next time. I was clean, my
clothes were drying. I had a bed once or twice a week.

      We had a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. The sauce didn't compare
to Bobby's but it was the best meal I'd had in over a week.

      I waited half an hour and did my exercises. John thought I was just
messing around until I got to sixty-eight push ups, thirty-two off my high
of a hundred. I needed to get back in shape but that would require better
food than I'd been eating. After a half hour workout, I went for a
run. John assured me it was safe around there. I looked hard for something
familiar that might tell me where Louis' house was but didn't have any
luck.

      We were in bed by ten thirty and up at six thirty. He showered and
fixed breakfast. John had to be on a job at eight. I gathered my clothes
off the clothes lines. They weren't completely dry but I had to wear
something.

      John dropped me off near a crosstown bus line with fifty cents and an
ass still full of his sperm.

      I went to the park then had lunch and took a crap in the diner where
I'd eaten breakfast the day before. At three, I was across the street from
Sammy's house. He came past me with his book bag in his hand, his blonde
hair gleaming in the sun. His mind must have been somewhere else because he
was startled when I called his name.

      "What were you thinking about," I asked.

      "You," he smiled. "You staying with me tonight?"

      "Unh huh. I need to make some money and eat but I'll be there before
nine, promise."

      He smiled a beautiful smile.

      My first customer took me to eat at a diner after we'd blown each
other and paid me the dollar fifty plus meal we negotiated.

      The next John, that's what he said his name was, was a cool number
who seemed to know everyone and the scene all over. He drove me across town
to Louis' sector where I'd slept the night before and showed me the various
hustling spots, all populated with boys looking to be picked up by
men. There seemed to be much more action on that side of town. John took me
to a motel and I showed my appreciation.

      At eight thirty-five by the clock in the back of the novelty store, I
tapped on the glass. Sammy was at the counter writing in his notebook. He
pointed behind him. There was a side door. He opened it and invited me in.

      He'd made a bed of coats and blankets behind the counter. I gave him
the hug I'd felt inhibited giving him in front of Genie then helped him
with his math homework. He offered to sneak me into his bathtub. His aunt
went to bed at nine every night. Sensing more than a bath and needing one,
I was happy to accept. We undressed silently while the tub filled. He had
an erection. Mine was sympathetic. He seemed embarrassed by it. He looked
so fragile yet so beautiful. He exuded a need to be protected. We got in
the tub pretty much as Martin and I had, at opposite ends with legs between
each other's, one of mine at his crotch, one of his at mine. I massaged
his, he massaged mine. We washed each other, edging closer as we did. While
washing his back, I put my arms around him and embraced his soapy body to
mine. He put his hands behind him and pulled my waist toward him. He stood
on his toes and arched his bottom. I bent my knees, reached down,
positioned my soapy penis at his anus and pushed up, slipping right inside
him. The heat was immediate. He moved his rear up and down and side to
side. This wasn't his first time.

      I pumped slowly. Due to our height difference, it was a bit
awkward. I moved my hands down below his stiff dick and pulled up on his
perineum. He pushed down on my hips. I thrust harder into him, bumping him
upward each time. I felt his orgasm with my fingers between his legs and
with my cock through his anal contractions. I was only seconds away. I
almost fell over when the rush of my climax shot through my brain,
temporarily disabling other connections.

      When I pulled out, he turned and gave me a smile that could've melted
stainless steel. We finished washing, rinsed and dried off. He had made the
makeshift bed in the store just wide enough for the two of us.

      "Want me to sleep down here with you. I've got my alarm clock to wake
us up at six thirty. My aunt gets up then but you'll have at least half an
hour before she might come downstairs."

      Neither of us mentioned what had gone on in the tub. He lay in front
of me, in his underwear, and backed tightly against me. I put my arms
around him. He embraced them. Why I felt so hesitant, so inhibited in
asking him the big question is a mystery but I lay there with it sitting on
my tongue. But my lips stayed closed like a bank after hours. It was nice,
though. His body was almost weightless in my arms. I'd never slept with
someone smaller than me except, of course, Dickie and Georgie who was about
the same height as Sammy but tougher and definitely heavier. Dickie and I
slept in a sixty-nine position. I'd never felt so older brotherly toward a
boy before as I did with Sammy. I kissed his blonde hair several times
before drifting off to sleep. I awakened in the same position twelve
minutes ahead of his alarm. He was already awake.

      "Good morning," he said when he felt me stir.

      "Good morning."

      He rolled over in my arms and smiled his wonderful smile. I had to
kiss his soft lips. He kissed back briefly then waited, staring at me with
those beautiful blues. His lips were like powerful magnets. His eyes closed
before I lost sight of them. We didn't really French, just did a lot of lip
pressing and sucking and body grinding. Just as I reached between us for
his hard on, the alarm went off, breaking the magic. He reached back and
hit the little button.

      "I gotta go upstairs so my aunt will think I slept there. You coming
back tonight?"

      "Absolutely."

      He pecked at my lips twice and got up. We gathered the coats and
blankets. He took them upstairs. I dressed and left with my backpack. A
strange but very comfortable feeling buoyed my spirits, like something very
special had just happened but something I had to protect, to preserve.

      My target that morning was the large park in the east side of the
city where I'd been shown so many hustling points the day before. I took a
bus I thought went across town but that turned south as it entered the
downtown area. I got off and walked up a few blocks, asking as I went for
the streetcar from my part of town that I knew would take me where I wanted
to go. It was an eight block walk.

      From the streetcar window ten minutes after boarding, still a few
blocks from the park, I noticed a restaurant with lots of people inside and
walked back there for breakfast.

      The park was smaller than I had thought, only about five blocks long
and three blocks bottom to top. Partially hidden by a tree, I sat
overlooking the avenue where the streetcar passed. There was a lot of
traffic in both directions. Bored sitting, I walked from one end to the
other close enough to the avenue to be seen from a car driving by but not
so close I couldn't get away into the park if I saw a police vehicle. It
was nearly noon before I saw any kids at all but they seemed to be going
somewhere.

      I went back to the same restaurant for lunch. The waitress eyed me
suspiciously.

      "Ain't you supposed to be in school?"

      "I was."

      "Well, school ain't out yet, dearie."

      "Is for me."

      She took my order but never smiled.

      It was after two before a man looked at me. He stopped by the corner
of the park and waited, watching me through his rear view mirror. Concerned
about truant officers more than anyone else, I stayed where I was. He left
but came by a few minutes later in the opposite direction and nodded at me
to follow him. He turned at the next corner and pulled over. I walked
slowly to him.

      "Out of school early?" he asked.

      "Unh huh."

      "Wanna go for a ride?"

      "Where?"

      "Down by the rail yards."

      "What for?"

      "You hustling?"

      "What's that?"

      "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." He started to pull away.

      I tapped on his door. "Wait, yeh, I'm hustling. I just didn't know if
you were, you know. How much?"

      "Fifty cents."

      "Mmm, nah. I need a buck."

      "You do anything?"

      He looked clean. "Yeh, but it costs more."

      "Whatta you do?"

      "Suck for two."

      "That all?"

      "Like what?"

      "You know, fuck."

      "Depends on how big you are and that's three if I can."

      "Get in."

      We went to his nice row house outside the city. There were no mirrors
but he did have a white cream that he said was "plenty slippery". His cock
was roughly the same size as John's.

      "You lie down and I'll sit on it," I said.

      He put the cream on his cock and my hole. I sat facing him. There was
impatience in his face but I insisted on taking my time. The circumcised
head was larger than John's and hurt when it finally popped in past my
pucker. He pushed up into me as I lowered myself down his shaft. Vaseline
would have been better.

      He wanted me to lie down.

      "This hurts some already. Lying down would be worse. Let's do it this
way."

      I used my finger tips on the backs of my calves to hold myself in
position as he pumped up into me. The discomfort eased over time but my
dick didn't get hard. He appeared to be enjoying it. His eyes were
closed. His fingers gripped my thighs right above the knees. His upper
teeth rested on his lower lip. His face began to distort like he was taking
a difficult shit. The pain, though, was in my ass, not his. He fucked
faster. His cock expanded. I bit my lower lip. He pushed up hard, almost
knocking me over, and climaxed. Every pulse stretched my anus. It felt like
he was tearing flesh.

      He pulled me down with him until I was sitting on his groin, his cock
head up against my bladder or a kidney. The pain eased as his cock went
limp. My entrance still stung. I wasn't going to let anyone else fuck me
for a couple of days.

      "Wanna get sucked?" he asked after I was allowed to lift off him.

      "No thanks." I didn't want a climax squeezing my tender anus.

      He let me use his telephone. I called my grandparents.

      "Oh Malcolm, dear, we are so worried about you. Where are you?"

      "I'm okay. You don't have to worry."

      "Well, dear, we are. You must go home. Something terrible could
happen to you. Are you staying in a house?"

      "Don't worry, granma, I'm fine. I'm staying with someone."

      "But, dear, what about school? You've missed over two weeks of
school?"

      "Granma, I'm not going to some school in Ohio. I'm not going away
from my friends and you. Is Freddy there?"

      "Yes." I heard her tell Freddy to try to talk some sense to me.

      "Malcolm! Where are you?"

      "I'm around, not that far away. I miss you." I felt tears rising.

      "I miss you too. You okay? You're not sleeping on the sidewalk or
no..., anything?" He had to keep up his grammar in front of my grandmother,
his teacher.

      "Not yet. I've met some people who are helping me. I still gotta move
around some but I'm eating okay. What's going on?"

      "Cops talking to everybody and that detective but not since last
week. That detective's got people looking for you. I think he's watching
all of us so you better not come over to anybody's house." He paused. I
heard grandmother speaking to him. "Aunt Claire, wait, Malcolm, here's
Uncle George."

      "Malcolm, son. Where are you?"

      I realized I'd been on the phone too long.

      "Granpa, I gotta hang up but I'm okay. I love all of you. Bye."

      I pushed down the buttons in the cradle. The tears kept coming for a
few minutes. The man was dressing, watching me sit on the bed with my back
to him. He came and sat beside me. There was no hiding the wet spots on my
pants.

      "You're a runaway, aren't you?"

      I nodded.

      "If you wanna go home, I can take you close."

      I shook my head.

      "Well, if you change your mind, just tell me, okay? You hungry?"

      He fed me leftover chicken and warmed up mashed potatoes and
succotash.

      I scored again from the same spot getting a blow job inside an empty
warehouse the man had a key to. It was near five when he dropped me off
half a block from the park. Two slightly older boys saw me get out of the
man's car and walked up to me as I was pulling on my backpack. They were
smiling but I didn't see any good will. One spoke while the other walked to
the far side of me.

      "Made yourself some money?"

      "No, I was hitchhiking. He gave me a ride."

      "Bullshit. You ain't from around here. How much you got? Let's see
it."

      I ran at the boy between me and the park. He was ready but
underestimated my strength. He tried to push me down when I put my shoulder
into his chest but I lifted him off the ground and drove him back. He lost
his balance and fell. I kept running, making it to the avenue before my
pursuer.

      He stopped and called out, "See you later, punk!"

      I'd have to talk to Sammy about keeping my knapsack except when I was
going to wash my clothes and hold some of my money. And, I'd have to avoid
side streets. I walked toward a business district past the park and up a
long hill. A group of boys were sitting in the deep-set windows of a large
stone bank, watching cars go by. They couldn't have been more obvious if
they'd been carrying signs. Either the people in the area were very unaware
of man-boy sex or just didn't mind.

      I went across the street and watched. Cars stopped at the light waved
boys to them. Boys got in or didn't. A couple chased a car around the
corner and didn't come back. When there were only two, I walked across and
leaned against the wall. The boys looked at me then each other and
shrugged. A man in a new model car drove by looking at me but the light was
green. He came by again a few minutes later and waved me to him. As I
stepped forward, a hand pulled me back. I yanked away and turned. It was
one of the boys.

      He stepped back. "Easy. That guy don't pay." He gave the man the
finger. The man frowned.

      I said, "Sorry, thanks."

      The boy walked back to his spot; I went to mine.

      Somebody they knew came by and held up his index finger. They pushed
and shoved at each other. The one who had advised me got into the car.

      The driver of an older car drove by checking me out but kept
going. Two more boys about my age came and sat in the window beside
mine. They looked at me and nodded then turned back to the street. A bald
fat man about fifty with gray in his sideburns waved me around the
corner. I looked at the partner of the boy who'd advised me. He nodded
okay.

      It started out as a blowjob but ended up with his dick between my
legs in exchange for a diner dinner and a dollar. I asked to be let off on
the other side of the city. He grumbled about time but took me within a few
blocks of Sammy's.

      It was only seven thirty but Sammy was inside studying. He let me in
and I helped him. Genie had been by looking for me and would be in the park
the next day at three thirty. We bathed then made love in the makeshift
bed. After fucking him, I asked Sammy if he wanted me to do him. He smiled
and said, "I already came. Couldn't you tell?"

      His speech with me was much better than how he'd spoken on the
street, definitely better than the other boys.

      `You're not from around here, are you?'

      He told me he was from a middle class area southwest of the city.

      "Are you like me?" I couldn't say the word queer or homosexual.

      He looked away from me for a moment. "I think so. The others don't
know, except Genie. He's done me back there, too." He pointed toward his
behind.

      "Where? Here?"

      "No, he took me down to Frank's one day and did it while Frank was
with another boy."

      "Just once?"

      "Mmm hmm."

      "A man did me back there today, but he paid me three dollars and gave
me some food."

      "Did it hurt?"

      "Yeah, but not too bad. It was worth it."

      "How do they do it?"

      I told him about John's method and how I'd done it that afternoon.

      "You think I could do it?"

      "I don't know. Depends on how big your hole is."

      "How do you know?"

      "I dunno, probably just by trying bigger and bigger dicks."

      "Can you tell by looking at it?"

      "Maybe by sticking my finger in."

      He got up and turned on the light then got on his knees and bent
over. We had both been naked under the blanket. I looked. His hole appeared
normal for his size. I sat on my feet behind him, wet my finger well with
my mouth and pushed it into him. Entry was easy, much as it had been for my
peter. I pulled down. It opened up a little above my finger.

      "Let me try two fingers."

      He didn't say anything or move. I stuck my middle finger in my mouth
and lubed it then put that finger in, pulled down and stuck my index finger
in above it. I tried opening them but had to push almost completely inside
to accomplish it. An idea popped into my head: two fingers, separate
hands. I pulled the two out, lubed my other index finger and put them in
one at a time, one over the other then turned them side by side and pulled
them apart. It was very tight.

      "Relax your hole," I said.

      "I am."

      I pulled harder.

      "Owww."

      I waited a moment to let his anus stretch. I pulled again. It opened
a bit more leaving a half inch long opening between my fingers. I held that
for a couple of minutes then tried again.

      "Oww."

      I took one finger out and pushed the other as deep as I could,
seeking his prostate. I felt a small lump and massaged it.

      "How's that?"

      "Feel my dick and you'll know."

      I felt it with my little finger to avoid spreading the smelly residue
on my index finger. He was solid. "Lie down and turn over."

      He did. I kept my finger inside and went down on him. He came in two
minutes.

      We went upstairs quietly and washed ourselves.

      Between Thursday afternoon and five o'clock Friday, I made seven
dollars and seventy-five cents. It had been a lot easier and more
profitable at Camp McFarlane.

      Genie and I waited for Frank to come home with his paycheck. He
didn't. After checking his favorite hangouts unsuccessfully, we hustled.

      Saturday was more profitable than Thursday and Friday together though
requiring a lot of mouthwork. That evening, I stopped by and picked up my
backpack from Sammy and made my eight o'clock date set up Thursday with
John, the paperhanger from the east side. First I put my clothes in the
washing machine then had a relaxed steak dinner. Mike regaled me with
stories of his years picking up boys all over the city. After dinner I put
my clothes through the wringer and hung them on the back porch, again
covering myself with one of John's shirts. Finally, I watched myself being
fucked by the master. Other than at the very end when he thickened and
stretched my poor anus to its limit, it wasn't so bad. He sucked me and we
went to sleep. Sunday morning, after a breakfast of French toast with
honey, he left me alone and took his aging mother to church. He came back
at eleven and showed me the best places to hustle Sundays on his side of
town. Two of my three scores were repeats. I arrived at Sammy's with
eighteen dollars more than I'd had Friday.

      Genie and I searched unsuccessfully for Frank Sunday evening. No one
had seen him since mid week. He had disappeared and so had my money.

      I called my grandfather Wednesday night in hopes Freddy would be
spending the night. He'd stayed in hopes I'd call.

      There was no new news although my grandfather was trying to work
something out with my father for me to return to my school.

      Thursday, I found another man who would let me use his washing
machine and shower. This one just required a blowjob. Unfortunately, I only
had the clothes I was wearing and had to go to Sammy's damp.

      The weekend was again very profitable. I spent Saturday night with
John the paperhanger.

      Monday, Genie introduced me to a man who, he said, had a small cock
and paid as much as five dollars for a good fuck. He used cooking oil and
paid three. Genie fucked me afterward and complained he couldn't feel
anything.

      Tuesday, I called Francis and asked him to arrange through Martin a
Sunday meeting on the east side with Freddy. When I called him back Friday,
he told me Freddy would be there at ten thirty and that my grandparents had
some news. I was on an east side payphone so felt a five minute call would
be safe. Even if they traced the call, I'd be long gone before anyone could
arrive.

      My grandfather said, "Your father says he would be willing to sit and
discuss the school situation but you've got to come home."

      "Granpa, I'm never going to live with him again."

      "Son, you've been out of school for almost a month. This can't go on
or you're going to lose a year of your life. I don't know what you're doing
to live out there or who you're living with but you are just making a bad
situation worse. The people helping you are breaking the law and will
suffer when they find you. Don't kid yourself, they are going to find you
sooner or later. I just hope it won´t be because you've been hurt or
worse. And if you're doing something illegal to survive, you can end up in
a reformatory far worse than a boarding school.

      "And there is something else you don't seem to be considering. Your
mother is a nervous wreck worrying about you and your grandmother isn't
much better. I want you to call your mother right now and talk to
her. Don't worry about anyone listening in or tracing your call, nobody's
doing that. The police are just waiting for you to show up."

      It did make me feel badly but didn't affect my determination not to
return. I braced myself for hysterics and called my mother. My father
answered.

      "Malcolm, where are you?"

      "I wanna talk to my mother."

      "To hell with you." He hung up.

      I waited five minutes expecting mother would figure out who had
called and stand by the phone. She answered, already crying.

      "Malcolm, please come home. I'm so worried about you. Something
terrible is going to happen, I know. Please come home, dear. I won't let
him send you away."

      "Mom, I'm okay. Don't worry but I can't trust him ever. If I can live
with granpa and granma, I'll do that but never with him."

      "Oh, please," she cried, "I can't sleep at night worrying about
you. I just know something terrible is going to happen to you. There are so
many bad people out there. Please, for me, come home or just tell me where
you are and I'll come and get you. Please."

      I finally had to hang up. She kept repeating the same things. "Don't
worry, mom. I'm safe. I gotta go. Bye." She was pleading but I didn't dare
stay on the line any longer no matter what my grandfather felt the police
weren't doing.

      Sunday at ten, with the paperhanger's sperm in my butt, I was up the
street from our meeting place. Freddy arrived ten minutes early according
to the clock inside the jewelry shop whose entryway I was using. I was
wearing new clothes and a baseball cap I'd bought the day before. My
knapsack was full of the damp clothes I'd washed the night before. I walked
down the street with my head down. He knew it was me well before I reached
him. I led him at a trot to the park where I could see if anyone was
following us.

      It wasn't the best place. Freddy was the only Negro there and was
hugging me. Everyone nearby stared at us. We walked back to the avenue and
headed in toward the poorer commercial area.

      After assuring him I was fine and hearing news from Martin's
neighborhood, I asked what he knew about my situation with the police and
detectives.

      "I don't think anybody's looking for you. Your granpa said something
about your father getting rid of that detective and the cops ain't been
around for a couple weeks but don't go anywhere around Martin's or
Bobby's. That detective gave everybody your picture and told `em there's a
reward if they see you. Who you living with?"

      "A few places but mostly with this kid." I told him about Sammy and
his aunt without mentioning the sex, but...

      "You two doin' stuff?" He always knew.

      "Some."

      "He's fucking you."

      I grinned. "Unh uh. I'm doing it to him. He's like me."

      He wanted details. I wanted to hold him, have him hold me. It was
difficult to maintain the happy go lucky appearance as I told him about
Sammy and me.

      "How much money you got left?"

      "Not much. The guy I stayed with stole it all."

      "Three hundred dollars?"

      "Three hundred seventy."

      "That boy Sammy feeding you too?"

      "No. I'm hustling."

      "What's that?"

      I filled him in on the hustling scene.

      "That sounds real dangerous to me, Maacum. What're you gonna do if
you get one of those crazy motherfuckers likes to hurt people?"

      "I'm careful. Don't worry. Anyhow, I gotta eat.'"

      We turned down a broad divided boulevard.

      "Everybody's real worried about you, Maacum. Me too. They's gotta be
a way fo' you ta go home."

      "I can't, Freddy. He'll just send me to that boarding school. It's
military. It'll be like being in jail. And I won't be able to see you."

      "Yo' granddaddy thinks he can talk yo papa into not doin' that. An'
yo' mama said she ain't gonna let him."

      "My father does what he wants. He doesn't care what anybody else
says. He promised my mother he was never going to hit me plenty of times
but he always does it, or tries. I gave him a few good ones that last
time. I hope it really hurt."

      Freddy walked silently for a block, his hands in his pockets, eyes to
the sidewalk. I put my arm over his shoulder. He felt thicker, more
muscular.

      "You're getting bigger," I commented.

      "It's all that good food Aunt Claire feeds me, and Martin's mama
too. They tryin' ta get me fat." He grinned at me. "Please come home with
me, Maacum. Somethin's gonna happen, I know it."

      "I can't Freddy. Not yet. I can't go back with him. Only if I can
live with you or my grandparents."

      He put his arm over my shoulder. The harbor was ahead of us. We
walked to the edge of a wharf and sat with our feet out over the water
eight feet below.

      "I wish we had a boat with a bedroom and a kitchen," said Freddy
wistfully. "We could get on it and go somewheah, just us."

      We talked about such a craft and the places we could go, how we could
use it to make a living. I bought carry out lunches at a small restaurant
near the water. We ate there on the wharf. Freddy's sadness tore at my
soul. He begged me to go with him. I almost did but the specter of that
boarding school held me back. There were tears in both our eyes as he
boarded the streetcar alone.

      I scored with a man and blew him but it was all very mechanical. I
wasn't very good company, not even with Sammy.

      "What's wrong?" he asked.

      "It's my best friend. We really love each other. I saw him today for
the first time in a month. I miss him so much."

      We didn't make love that night. It seemed wrong, disloyal.

      Unable to sleep, I fantasized terrible things that could happen to my
father, all ending with his death and my mother and I living with my
grandparents. I knew my mother wouldn't be happy without her friends coming
over to play cards and gossip but she could go to their houses.

      In the morning, I walked down to the woods bordering the park and
tried to sleep some more but it was too cool. I went up to a commercial
street north of the area. There was a Goodwill used clothes and furnishings
store where Frank told me he had bought his sofa. I bought a slightly large
coat for two dollars.

      The rest of the week was boring. I spent the morning and midday hours
in the park and other areas I'd been told were safe from truant
officers. Tuesday afternoon, I took Genie to the east side. We scored three
times. The last man paid four dollars to fuck me using Vaseline I insisted
he buy at a Read's drug store. It hurt but Genie was watching so I stayed
tough, not even biting my knuckle.

      Several times, calling my grandparents was on my mind but having to
refuse their plea that I come home made it easier to move on. I thought a
lot about Freddy. It was Wednesday before I could make love with Sammy.

      He became my anchor. He was so sweet, so loving. Even the nights when
I couldn't get hard, he held me and kissed me, never complaining about the
lack of attention, my sullenness. Saturday morning, even though my clothes
really needed washing, I lay wishing I didn't have to sleep that night with
John, that I could return to Sammy's tender embrace.

      Saturday, along with Genie and a few others, Sammy and I went with
Bill on a canoe trip. We cooked hot dogs over an open fire. Bill pulled me
aside and spoke to me about my situation.

      "Tommy, you're a really bright boy. You need to go to college one day
and here you're out of school after just the sixth grade. I don't know why
you've run away but there must be a way to straighten al this out. Why
don't you tell me about it? Maybe I can help."

      Sammy, sitting beside me, said, "Tell him, Tommy."

      Having Sammy call me a name that wasn't mine was a wall between
us. Every time he used it I wanted to tell him my real name but worried he
might use it in front of others. He put his arm around my waist and
embraced me. "Tell him," he repeated.

      "`My father wants to send me to a boarding school far away. My
father's a son-of-a-bitch. He hates my friends and calls me a
faggot. There's nothing you can do."

      Bill stared at his hands. "Don't you have relatives who could let you
stay with them?"

      "My father won't even let me visit my grandparents."

      "Why not?"

      "They let my friend come to their house. My grandmother teaches him
and his little sister."

      "Why doesn't your father like you friend?"

      "He's a Negro."

      "Just that?"

      "Yes."

      "Is he like you, I mean, sexually?"

      "He's not homosexual, if that's what you mean."

      Bill thought some more. "Does your family go to a church?"

      "Yes. My father had one of the priests there try to change me
normal."

      "Did, uh, oh boy." He leaned back on his elbows. "Have you talked to
your grandparents?"

      "Yes, they want me to go home. Everybody thinks they can get him to
not send me but I know him. Anyhow, they don't have to live with him, just
me."

      "What's your mother say about all this?"

      "He doesn't care what she says and she's afraid of him. At least, she
always does what he says."

      Sammy squeezed me and put his head on my shoulder.

      "Let me think about this, Tommy," said Bill. "There's got to be a way
for you to go to school.'"

      He was to get back to me Thursday or Friday.

      I spent the night with my paperhanger friend. It was becoming a
ritual. Wash clothes, eat dinner, hang up the clothes, shower, get fucked,
go to bed.

      Sunday, another of the men took me and a boy I met in the bank window
to a movie after blowing and getting blown. I got fucked again later for
three dollars. It was the first time I'd been fucked two days in a row. It
hurt but not too much, and earned me over a day's food money. I had nearly
fifty dollars stashed in Sammy's aunt's store.

      Monday, I went back to the Goodwill Store and bought three books and
began reading to Sammy.

      Tuesday night, I called Francis from a man's house.

      "Malcolm, Freddy's got to talk to you. Maybe you can go home. It's
all Martin could tell me. He wants to know when he can come see you."

      Hurting Freddy again by refusing to go home with him was almost too
painful to consider, but not seeing him was worse. "Tell him to come again
Sunday, same place at ten thirty again."

      "He doesn't want to wait until Sunday."

      "He's gotta go to school and work."

      "After school. Any day, well, except tomorrow, I suppose. It's real
important. How about Thursday?"

      "Okay, tell him four o'clock, same place."

      "Martin says Freddy thinks everything's going to be okay now and we
all want to see you again, especially Martin, and Victor. They really miss
you. We all do."

      Thoughts of living with my grandparents filled my mind and created
hope, then fear pushed it aside, fear that this was going to be something I
couldn't agree to. I gradually dipped into depression, certain that nothing
was going to work out, that this was going to be another great
disappointment for Freddy.  I couldn't think of any conditions under which
I'd go back to my father or under which my father would allow me to live
with my grandparents. Unless, of course, if something had happened to my
father. But Francis would have heard of that and told me. No, this was
going to be another unhappy parting for Freddy and me.

      That night, I all but accepted life as a prostitute, even planned how
to seek better heeled clients, have my own place.

      Wednesday, I began hustling on the east side at two o'clock, going
out with four different men, sucking the second and third and being unable
to cum for the fourth, before going home to Sammy. All were repeat
customers. Sammy quickly felt the lack of passion in my kisses.

      "You're so sad the last couple nights, Tommy, what's wrong?"

      I hated Tommy. "Don't ever say this in front of anyone else. My
name's Malcolm."

      He kissed my cheek. "Malcolm. That sounds smart, like you."

      I said, "Everybody wants me to go home but none of them have to take
all that shit from my father. My best friend's going to meet me tomorrow
and that's what he wants, and I gotta say no and he's gonna be crying and
me too. God, I hate my father!"

      Sammy tried blowing me but I couldn't get more than partially
erect. He slid up my body and held me. I held him but couldn't sleep for a
long time. Sammy awakened me when the alarm didn't. We kissed for a few
moments. I went to the diner for breakfast. I bought a newspaper and took
it to the park with me. I read every comic, even the ones like Little Lulu
that I didn't like and Mary Worth and Mark Trail with bits of stories I
knew nothing about. There was a lot of political news with the presidential
election only a few weeks away.

      I wasn't hungry midday so went to the east side and walked down by
the harbor, ducking behind cars and trees when police cars went by. Time
dragged on. I went into a restaurant and ate to do something. It cost me
almost two dollars but I didn't care.

      The avenue was crowded with kids going home from school when I headed
toward my rendezvous point with Freddy. I watched for pretty boys to
distract myself but none caught my fancy.

      A man I'd blown a couple of times passed slowly by but I shook my
head then wished I hadn't. There was plenty of time and it would have been
a lot better than standing around. He probably found another boy as he
didn't come by again.

      Freddy arrived at three thirty, half an hour early. He was excited.

      As we walked down the Avenue, he said, "Las' week, yo' mama came to
see yo' granfolks. They went ina the kitchen. I ran upstairs and inta the
back where they's that metal thing in the flo' wheah the hot air goes, you
know, that goes to the kitchen? Well, ah listened."

      He walked partially in front of me, turning sideways toward me as he
talked.

      "Yo' daddy's in trouble with those men that's s'posed to give him all
that money `cause he said he was gonna send you to that boahdin' school and
you ain't theah and you ain't in the house neithah. So, they know you ran
away and they ain't gonna give yo' daddy nothin' `til he gots you so he's
gotta get you back into the house o' he don't get no money and they said if
you say anything about that kid Washburn they're gonna make sure yo' daddy
don't get no mo' work from the gov'ment an' that's all he gots, right?"

      He moved back along side me and put his arm over my shoulder and
spoke almost into my ear.

      "So, yo' daddy moved yo' do' back wheah it was in yo' bedroom an' he
says all you gotta do is do yo' cho's an the res' a the time is yo's an' he
ain't gonna do nothin' `bout you runnin' away o' nothin'. Whatta you think
about that?" He squeezed my shoulder.

      I didn't know what to think. "You sure he moved the door?"

      "Yo' mama even said that ta me aftah when she told me ta talk ta
you. She tole me ta tell you that. C'mon, Maacum, let's go home to yo'
grandaddy's house. He'll tell you too."

      Distrust spun around in my head but was circled by hope that the
Washburn business was my salvation. If it was true that he'd lose all his
business if I said anything, I had power over him. He wouldn't dare do
anything I didn't like or I could ruin him. The idea was too delicious to
taste. The idea that I could possibly have the upper hand over him seemed
too good to be true. There was a strong temptation to just get on the
streetcar and go with Freddy but a nagging fear that all this was just
that, too good to be true, held back my trust. If it wasn't true, I could
be on a bus to the boarding school in a matter of hours. But, I could just
get off the bus and run away again. I had plenty of money to get back to
Sammy's.

      Sammy. I'd have to leave Sammy. Right then, my feeling for him became
clear, like a huge pink neon sign, a heart with an arrow and Malcolm loves
Sammy over and under it. I loved Sammy. Sammy loved me. I loved
Freddy. Freddy loved me. They lived worlds apart, at opposite ends of the
city, at opposite ends of my life. What was I going to do?

      Freddy still had his arm over my shoulder. I reached up and took his
hand. Was I going to have to make a choice? Much as it hurt, I'd have to
take Freddy. But it would hurt Sammy. He'd told me things that were secrets
from the rest of the world. He'd come to rely on me being with him each
night. Maybe I could take him with me. Make that a condition for me to come
back. But if it were all a lie, allowing them to meet Sammy would remove my
safe haven away from home.

      I had to have time to think all this out. I couldn't go back
immediately. I stopped and looked at Freddy.

      "I gotta think first. Anyhow my things are at Sammy's house. Please,
I'll call in the morning. Wait `til tomorrow. I promise I'll call."

      "But, you gotta come home tomorrow, Maacum. Come to yo'
grandaddy's. I won't go to work. No, I won't go to school. I'll wait but
you gotta come, please."

      It was another tear filled parting. As he stepped up onto the
streetcar, I took the weight off one foot, debating with myself if I should
follow him, get on too, take the leap and go to my grandparents. My heart
stopped me but also sent my hand forward to Freddy's. He stopped and looked
back, sudden hope in his tear filled eyes. He sighed when he realized I
wasn't coming.

      "C'mon, boy", ordered the streetcar driver.

      I let go. Freddy turned away and was gone.

      I stepped back to the curb and sat on it. A man looked back at me,
scowling, as he crossed the street. I was too distressed inside to react.

      How could I so love a boy I'd only met a few weeks before, love him
so much that I could miss even one night with Freddy. Still, I had to go
see Sammy, talk to him, explain why I was leaving, find a way for him to
continue to be a part of my life.

      I walked clear across town. It wasn't planned, just happened. I just
started walking, thinking about what I would, could, should do. Trusting my
father to keep his word was not as important as my ability to escape if he
didn't. Unless I was sent to a reformatory, that didn't seem a
problem. Since I'd run away, the reformatory did seem a possibility but I
had confidence my grandfather and mother could and would prevent that. All
my clothes would stay with Sammy in case I had to run again. The money
would stay with me in case it was needed to get back to him. That meant
keeping Sammy and everything about where I'd been a secret from everyone
except my closest friends like Freddy, Bobby, Martin and Francis, all of
whom already knew and had kept the secret.

      If all went well, I could somehow arrange to have Sammy become a part
of my life. The problem was how Freddy would feel about it. Sammy wasn't
Martin or Bobby who were friends with whom I had sex. He'd quickly see that
my feelings for Sammy were far stronger than with the others. Would he
consider this a threat to our friendship? I wasn't even sure myself where
it might go. I did love Sammy very much. In fact, he occupied my thoughts
as much if not more than Freddy. Losing him was unthinkable.

      By the time I walked up to Sammy's, the decision had been made to go
to my grandparent's in the morning. I'd listen to what they had to say. I
had my conditions. My father had to basically stay out of my life. I'd do
my chores but the rest of my non-school time was mine. I could go to my
grandparents any time I wanted. I didn't worry about beatings because I
just didn't think he'd try that again. First, I was strong enough to hurt
him. Second, he had too much to lose to risk me running away.

      It was still early. Sammy's aunt was in the store. I went to a diner
for what was possibly my last meal as a runaway.

      The store was empty when I returned. Sammy didn't appear for nearly
an hour though it seemed like four. I went over and over my speech about
how much I loved him and that, no matter what, I would be back.

      His face lit up when I tapped on the window. We embraced inside the
door.

      "So?" he asked.

      We sat on the floor behind the counter. I told him everything Freddy
told me and was completely open about my thoughts regarding preserving him
as a safe refuge in case things didn't work out.

      If my father sends me to a boarding school, it'll be real soon,
Monday at the latest because Monday I have to go to my other school. If he
sends me away, I'll get off the bus first chance I get and come back
here. Nobody can know about you yet but I promise I will come back to
you. I love you.'

      Sammy literally fell on me, wrapped his arms around me. "I love you
too."

      I lay on the floor. He pulled himself up on me and kissed me
passionately. "I love you," he said again and again, hardly taking his lips
off mine. I wondered if I should be leaving, that perhaps I should just
stay with him and never go home. His body against mine, his lips on mine
felt so warm and secure like nothing I'd ever experienced before. He made
me feel good about myself.

      I helped him with his homework, occasionally kissing his cheek,
sitting as tight against him as possible while still allowing him to
write. We bathed. He lay on top of me in the warm water, kissing and
caressing my hair and face. When I washed his back, we ended up as we had
that wonderful first night, with my penis inside him and the two of us
balancing and tugging on each other. This time I felt him cum ahead of me,
his orgasm acting as a switch to turn on mine. Nearly exhausted, we sat
back in the water, his weightless slim body sideways on my lap. We kissed
and hugged until the water was so cold we had to re-new it with hot. We
rinsed and dried then rushed downstairs naked. We pulled our makeshift bed
from behind a cabinet where he kept it.

      We made love again, front to front. It took me longer to reach my
apex, allowing us more time to grind and kiss. I slipped down his body and
blew him while he embraced my head and pumped into my mouth.

      We feel asleep in each other's arms with promises of eternal love and
fealty.

      The emotion apparently sapped us because I've no recollection of
consciousness during the night, only awakening with his head on my chest
and arms draped over me. I felt suddenly conflicted over Freddy. He hadn't
entered my mind the night before during all the intense lovemaking with
Sammy. I did still love Freddy, very much. Could I hold one in each arm?
They were so different. Freddy was strongly heterosexual. His love for me
was far more brotherly than sexual. Would he, could he understand and
accept the sexual love I had for Sammy.

      Sammy was a queer like me. We found each other physically
attractive. Our love sprang from our bodies as well as our minds. He was so
beautiful. It was difficult for me to understand what he found attractive
about me. I had a good body with lots of muscles but my face was only
handsome at best, certainly not beautiful like his. But he did love me; I
had no doubt about that. How would our love deal with me living so far
away? It would be difficult for me to visit him other than weekends. Being
apart from him five days every week was too painful to contemplate though I
had handled it with Freddy. How would it be with Sammy?

      He stirred. His eyes opened. He looked at me and smiled. We embraced
and kissed. How could I leave him? Maybe I could change schools, study and
live with him.

      There was no changing the fact that I had to leave. I didn't want to
let him go, but I did. We kissed in the doorway. I closed the door after he
opened it and kissed and held him again.

      "I love you, Sammy."

      "I love you too but you've gotta go. I'll see you, when, in a week?"

      He had already accepted our separation. "Sooner. Maybe tomorrow or
Sunday if there's no problem. I love you."

      "I love you. Go."

      I started out the door and remembered, "My money, in case."

      We dug it out of the hiding place over a cabinet.

      After a brief kiss, he gently pushed me out the door.

      His words made it much easier to walk to the bus line for downtown.

      All the way to my grandparents, I rehearsed what I saw as concrete
conditions for my return home, freedom from restrictions on my free time
being paramount.

      Freddy was sitting in the vestibule waiting for me and opened the
door as I turned up the walk. He embraced me on the porch and pulled me
inside. My grandparents hugged me.

      "Thank God you're okay," said my grandmother.

      I thanked Sammy.

      We sat in the living room, my grandmother hugging me from one
side. Freddy sat opposite us, looking me over with a silly grin on his
face. My grandfather paced for a moment then sat in his chair. He worried
me.

      "Is everything okay still?" I asked.

      "Yes," he answered. "I think so."

      That worried me more. He saw my concern but didn't seem to have words
to alleviate them.

      "What's wrong?"

      "I don't think there's anything wrong, it's just that, well, your
father's very upset by all this. He was drinking last night and they had a
fight. She's okay but he hit your mother and now he's more upset."

      I looked at him, trying to fathom any hidden message. "Whatta you
mean he's more upset now? What did he say about me?"

      He sighed. "Let me call your mother. She stayed here last night but
went back to your house this morning."

      "Does my father know I'm here?"

      "He knows you might be."

      I worried that he may have called the police. I stood, debating
whether to leave quickly. If the police got me, they'd take my money.

      My grandmother said, "Sit down, dear, please. It's going to be all
right."

      I couldn't. Every fiber of my of my body, every cell in my brain
wanted me to get away.

      I headed for the rear door. "I'll call you in two hours."

      Freddy came after me. My grandmother was close behind but my
grandfather stopped her. He said, "Two hours. Call me in two hours. Freddy,
you stay here. He'll be okay."

      Freddy looked almost terrified. I hugged him. "I'll call in two
hours."

      "Two hours," he called from the back porch as I went out the gate.

      I went up the alley to the next block, looked out carefully and
crossed to the alley on the other side. After two blocks in alleys, I
walked west until I found a park in front of a museum. All the while
walking, my emotions rattled back and forth from relief to doubt, relief
because the decision to go back to Sammy was a comfortable one, doubt
because there might be a chance lost to resolve things and get me back into
school, the part of all this that I'd tried to put out of my mind.

      I found a secluded place near a bridge and sat on a park bench. I'd
never bought the watch I promised myself to buy so often. Two hours would
be a guess. I had no idea what time I'd left the house. My stomach needed
attention. A restaurant would have a clock but this didn't seem the type of
area that would have a restaurant I could afford.

      Perhaps there would be something if I continued west. I left the park
and went a few blocks more, finding myself in a working class area much
like Sammy's. Two blocks down the street, I found a soda fountain but they
only sold packaged cakes and cookies. I bought Jelly Krimpets and a Coke,
then bought the same again. A block below the soda fountain was a major
commercial street with two restaurants but both were closed. I was going
east again and decided to circle around and check out my grandparent's
house from a block away to see if any police vehicles were around. Then, I
reconsidered. A policeman coming to get me would have my picture. He might
be driving around looking for me. I turned south and walked all the way
downtown, past the YMCA. The library ahead seemed a safe place. I knew they
had payphones inside. I could read if I had to wait any longer.

      My grandmother answered the telephone. `Wait, Your mother's here. She
wants to speak to you.'

      "Malcolm, you should have waited for me. Please, come back. Where are
you?"

      "I'm okay here. What happened? What did he say?

      "Everything's fine, dear. He's just upset. Don't worry."

      "What about school?"

      "It's going to be fine, dear. You're going back to your old school on
Tuesday. Monday's a holiday. And he fixed your bedroom door so it's back
where it used to be. All you have to do is your chores and be a good boy."

      "What about Freddy?"

      There was a moment of silence. "Just don't bring him to the house,
dear. You know that would upset him. Now, where are you? I´ll come pick you
up."

      I almost told her but said instead to wait for me where she was. I
wanted to look around for a trap.

      I took a bus and got off two blocks from the house. After watching
for a few moments from a block away and seeing only my mother's car in
front, I went up the alley and looked around again. I went in through the
back gate, still open from when I'd left earlier.

      I entered quietly but Freddy heard the door open and came rushing to
the kitchen. "It's okay. It's okay, just like she said."

      Mother came behind him and pulled me to her.

      I asked all my questions and was assured that everything was as
promised.

      "Why can't Freddy come to my house?"

      My grandfather answered. "Malcolm, this has all been very difficult
for your father. I don't think having Freddy at your house would be a good
idea. Look, things have been worked out in a way that will make all our
lives easier. You can see Freddy anytime you want away from your house
including here. Let's just be practical and not complicate matters, okay?"

      "Can I stay here today?"

      "I think it would be better if you stayed at your house today. You
can probably come here tomorrow."

      "Can I go later, in the afternoon for dinner? Mom, can I eat in my
room?"

      She smiled. "I suppose so. It might even be better today unless he
wants to take me out. We've got a new maid but she's not a very good cook."

      "She white?"

      She sighed and kept her smile. "Of course."