Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2016 19:52:37 +1300
From: ben zeb <zebben2014@gmail.com>
Subject: Math class changes 2

Math Class Changes 2

Some time in the early hours of the morning we drifted back to sleep,
waking to the sound of mum in the kitchen.  The smell of bacon encouraged
us to get up and head out for what was an early 9:30 brunch.  Breakfast
over, I made plans with mum to take us out to the farm when she left.  I
had decided it was D-day and try explaining why I was heading south. I felt
it would be easier if Greg were there too.

We spent the day tooling around the house, chatting about what to get Jess
for his upcoming birthday, the last of us to turn 16.  Keith helped me
getting up the stairs, but I found I could mange them pretty much unaided.
That set my resolve to return to my own room.  I'd missed my privacy.

Back in my room, we looked for my phone.  Mum had obviously been up there
cleaning and tidying.  I called down to her did she find my phone, but
answered no, and thought I'd lost it the day I went cliff diving.  I
searched around and under my bed, Keith helping and finally we found it
under a bedside cabinet.  Naturally it was flat as.  Then I couldn't
remember where I'd put my charger.  But at least I had it back.

We smelt, so had a shower, changed and lay on my bed, chatting away.  Mum
called out she needed to do some errands and did we want to go out now or
later when she went to work.  I thought about having another round of mad
sex, but Keith said he had a few things to do for his dad.  So that settled
we left.  On the way out the door I asked to borrow mum's charger, only to
find it was mine and was conveniently using it to charge her phone.  Sort
that out I thought.  So, leaving mine charging, we headed out.

It felt great to be back at the farm.  I'd missed the smells and the peace
of it.  It had been a long time, not since the night I'd legged it home
that I'd been out.  I was happy!  First port of call was the shed and my
bike.  Just as Greg had said, it was fixed!  I thought about taking it out
but erred on the side of caution and would wait to check with Greg.  But it
was great to see it.  Sarah and Debbie were still at school so we had the
house to our selves.  But, Keith had chores.

Changed, we headed out to the implement shed.  The quad bike was there, so
with me clinging on, Keith took us out to where Greg was working.  Though
he was pleased to see us both, he wasn't pleased to see me on the quad.  He
gave me a serve, making me feel guilty as hell and that made me determined
to show him I was well on the way to recovery.  As best I could, I fanged
about after them as they worked their way along a stretch of fencing.
Wasn't much I could do, but it was nice being out there with them.  A few
hours later, we came in for afternoon tea.  Greg insisted I get in the
tractor tray, not on the quad.  No point asking him if I could take the
bike out then, I'm thinking.

Back at the house, Sarah and Debbie were home.  Sarah was all over me like
a rash, Debbie gave me a huge hug and we sat down to cake and coffee.  I
was told to stay there when Greg and Keith went back out to finish off.
Debbie was full of questions about how I was feeling and my recovery.
Sarah still wanted to see my `hurts' as she called them, but of course that
was never gunna happen.  She and I sat around doing her homework, which I
thought was a bit over the top seeing as she only had about 10 days left of
school.  Anyway, she read to me and I read to her, we did her maths
together then headed out to help Debbie in the kitchen.  I got to make the
pudding, an apple pie.  Sarah did the dishes.  I thought that was great
sharing and teamwork!  I had a very domestic time!  Wow!  Not quite what
I'd planned, but it filled in the time until the `men' arrived from their
labours.

By now it was about six.  Greg and Keith went and showered.  I took the
opportunity to go with Keith on the pretext that I needed him to help me
rub pain relief on my hip.  Truth be told, I just wanted to ogle him in the
shower and get all hot and bothered.  I offered to wash his beautiful back,
which Keith took me up on.  And anything else he wanted washed.  It was a
risk, as we didn't want Sarah to get wind of what we were up to, but we got
away with it.

We sat down to dinner a little after the main news and when pudding was
served, Greg and Keith took the piss when they knew I'd made it.  Comments
about my piny and you'd look good in a dress etc, etc.  In the end I
mouthed "Shut the fuck up!" and grinned at them.  It was nice sitting
around the table chatting and joking away.  A part of me was lonely.
Lonely for what might have been in different circumstances and lonely
because, I wasn't sure what I was about to move into when I went south.  My
melancholy wasn't lost on Greg and he asked me, "You Ok Zebby?  You look
distant."  "Yeah, just thinking."  "Something I can help with?" he asks.  I
smiled and replied maybe.  He looked at me kindly, but with a questioning
expression.

When dishes were done and family were sitting in the lounge, Greg as he
does each night, went to his office.  I waited an hour or so until I
thought he'd finished and tentatively knocked on the wall asking him if I
could talk to him and Keith.  He looked up and nodded yes, but could he
have about 15 minutes and then he'd be finished.  Half and hour later Greg
came and sat next to me.  "What's up son?  What do you want to talk about?"
"Can we use your office?"  I ask.  He gives me a questioning look, frowns
and answers, "Yeah, of course."  I can see he is puzzled.  Keith notices
this and is just as puzzled when I ask if he could come with his dad and
me.  Debbie had got Sarah off to bed and was pottering around doing some
marking.

In we go and before Greg can ask do we need to shut the door, I do.  Keith
and Greg sit down, but I'm too tense and can't sit, fidgeting around on my
crutches.  I don't know how to start.  Finally, Greg gets up, takes me by
the arm and makes me sit next to Keith.  "What's going on Zeb?  Why are you
so edgy?"  I put my head in my hands and mumble, "I'm going away next
year."  Keith interrupts and says, "Yeah, I know that.  You'll be going to
plains."  Deep breath, slow exhale, "No Keith, I'm not."  Before I can say
another word, he exclaims, "What?  Not the other one!  How'll you get out
there?"  "Please Keith.  Let me finish." I plead.  "I really need you to
listen and not get angry with me?"  "What the..." Before he can finish I
place my fingers on his mouth and hush him.  "Please buddy, don't
interrupt."  Another deep breath and long exhale.  I'm going to Wellington
to do my year 13," and then hold my breath.  As if they'd practiced it, in
unison they both let out, "WHAT!"  I figured they'd be upset, but I wasn't
prepared for the look of utter shock on both their faces.  Silence!  The
only noise from outside.

Before I can begin to explain Keith explodes, "What the fuck?  Wellington!
Why? What about what you said to me?  Was all that just bullshit?  You are
pissed off with me, aren't you!  How bout a bit of honesty!  So you reckon
I'm your life, eh!  Well that's a strange way of showing it!"  The more he
shouted, the more he got upset.  I figured he'd be pissed off, but I never
expected him to be this upset.  Keith leapt up and headed towards the door.
Greg got there first, stood in front of it and put his hands on his
shoulders.  "Listen to what Zeb has to say.  The least you can do is hear
why.  He listened to you."  "Why?  What does it matter?  He wants to go and
that's that!"  "Because you owe it to him, Keith!  That's why!  Now sit
down and shut up!"  He sat back down sulkily.  "You need to explain Zeb!"
Greg says to me.

"I'm going to stay at my uncles place just to complete the year.  I don't
want to go, but I've got no choice.  I'm not going forever.  I'll be home
every holiday.  I could go to plains but there's a transport problem with
that.  I can't go back to our school cause I won't give in to the shits who
bashed me.  Why should I apologise to them!  I'm going for us Keith, to
give us a chance."  I took a pause to sort my thoughts, giving Keith an
opportunity to interject.  "Us!  How does you going a way give us a chance?
A chance at what?"  "A chance at being ourselves."  "What the fuck are you
talking about?  That doesn't make sense!"

I turn to Keith.  "Look.  Every thing I've said to you has come from my
heart.  It's the truth.  I've never lied to you.  I meant it the other day
when I said you're my life.  I'd die for you.  I'd love to spend every day
with you.  I know what I want and I'm happy with that. I don't think you do
yet.  You need space and freedom to find out."  I could see Greg nodding to
that.  "If I stay here, I'd get in the way.  I don't want to put any
pressure on you or make you feel guilty about who you're with.  You said it
yourself, the normal thing.  Well, I want to feel that too.  I need to have
the chance to feel what you felt.  After what happened at school, and that
was only cause two shit heads thought I was gay, imagine what would happen
if I did come out.  You, Jess and Darryl would all be in the frame cause
you're my mates!  There's no way any time soon I'm coming out in this town.
Would you?"

I waited for Keith to answer.  I think he thought it was a rhetorical
question.  "Well, would you?"  "What?"  "Prepared to come out."  "What do
you mean?"  "Would you be prepared to admit you're having a gay
relationship?"  "What?  Um...gay...what do you..."  "Exactly the point I'm
trying to make Keith.  Would you admit you're gay?"  What...I don't know.
Don't know what I am."  I'd stumped him.  I knew he couldn't answer that.
We both knew he wasn't sure.  It was also something I felt he hadn't talked
about with his dad.  Keith was embarrassed and Greg knew it.

"Keith, I love you unconditionally.  You're my boy and that's all that
matters.  What ever you are, or think you are, is fine.  I won't have a
problem with it.  Zeb is making a lot of sense and I think you do need to
consider what he's telling you."

I continued.  "I didn't expect you to answer cause I know you can't.  Why
should you?  You need to get out and have a crack at shagging your way
through all the girls you can, I guess.  That seems to be what we're
supposed to do, isn't it?  Not me.  Don't get me wrong here Keith.  There
are shit-loads of hot guys I think about and imagine I'd like to hook up
with, but I won't.  I couldn't!  What stops me is right next to me.  That's
what I mean about knowing what I want."

"I'm not going away to slut myself about, only to get my level 3.  I won't
hide who or what I am, but I'm not gunna promote it either.  It's not about
looking for hook ups.  If I needed that there are a couple of guys up here
I know.  You know that and you also know how I feel about that.  This move
is about us finding what it is we want.  This is your chance to find out
without feeling like I'm always looking' over your shoulder."

"So you're prepared to risk our friendship by going away, are you?" Keith
challenged.  "I won't be risking our friendship.  I expect we'll be mates
for life.  Why wouldn't we?  What I'm risking is something else.  And even
then, I'll love you all my life.  You know the old saying, if you love
something set it free.  Well that's the risk I'm taking.  I think, I hope,
you'll come back to me.  If not, well, we'll still be mates.  You can play
in my sand box anytime!"  I smiled and Greg pissed himself laughing.  Even
Keith couldn't stop a smile creeping across his face.  At least things were
settling and I began to think I was making myself understood.

We sat in silence thinking about my bombshell decision.  Greg broke it
saying, "You've certainly got a way with words Zeb.  Not gunna slut
yourself eh?  Glad to hear that," he laughed.  "Fucken better not!"  Quips
Keith.  He looked thoughtful then carries on, "None of this makes sense to
me but if you feel you really have to go, then I guess I'll just have to
accept it.  I'll miss you Zebby.  You know that eh?  Who will I go to when
I need to off-load shit?"  "You're dad buddy.  He's always been ready to
listen to me.  Anyway, we can Skype, text, email, Facebook, take your pick.
I'll be home every holiday and every other chance I can, and maybe you can
come down there."  He thought about that for a while.  "Yeah, well that's a
positive I guess.  What you reckon dad?  I've never been to Wellington."

Things began to settle down and I could sense both Greg and Keith, if not
fully agreeing with my idea, at least were considering the merits of it.
"When do you leave Zeb?"  Asked Greg.  "I've got to be there for the 26th
to confirm courses.  My Uncle Jim is coming up for a holiday early January
and I'm going back with him about the 22nd."  Keith did a bit of quick
calculating and exclaimed, "Six weeks!  Is that all?"  Hearing it like that
made it so much more real and it sank in what I was proposing to do.  "All
of us are going to miss you Zebby.  You have to promise to keep in touch.
I want to know everything you're getting up to.  You hear me son?"  "I hear
you dad and of course I will.  You're my family."  "All right then."  He
lifted me up and gave me a big bear hug.  "We better make those six weeks
count then.  It's late.  I'd best be getting to bed.  Don't stay up too
late, I need you to help me tomorrow Keith."

The two of us sat and talked it all over.  I couldn't convince Keith it was
a sensible idea.  He had some very valid questions, which in truth, I
really had no answers to.  "Look Zebby, you say you're doing this so I can
find out what I want.  What if I want what I've got now?  How can you be so
sure I haven't?"  What happens if you really like it down there and don't
want to come back?  What would you do if I find another guy I like?  What's
the difference between that and a chick?  What if you find someone else?
Will you ditch me for him?  OK, I like chicks, I admit that and you know
it. Are you really going to be happy if I end up in a serious relationship?
Why is it OK for me and not for you?"  Keith was showing some agitation and
the last thing I wanted was to end up in an argument.  I tried to take some
of the heat out of the situation.

"I don't have all the answers but I do know this.  First, If you find a
girl who loves you totally and you her, I'd be stoked.  Truly happy for
you.  That's what I expect was always gunna happen anyway.  I've seen how
you look at Michelle, Charlotte, Stella to name a few, all who are
fantastic chicks.  I know them from primary and they are really ace people.
And, I've seen the looks they give you.  I don't have a problem about that
at all.  Ultimately, I think that's something you want anyway."

"As to wanting to live down there, nope.  I'm a country kid.  I will live
here sometime.  I wanna do the overseas thing first though.  Hopefully,
we'll do that together.  Me finding another guy, nope got one.  In the
future, who knows?  Maybe if you're married or whatever.  And you finding a
new guy?  Really?  Would you do that?  Not that you can't but, well only
you know if you might.  And I'm not sure you haven't made up your mind, but
a bit of space will help both of us know.  One thing you can absolutely
stake your life on is, I'll always love you.  Call and I'll be at your
side, anytime, anywhere.  I promise you that."

"You've got it all sorted, eh?  Except about how I might feel!  You do what
you think is right then.  But don't expect me to like it or agree with it.
If you have to go, then go!"  With that Keith stoop up and walked of to his
room the door shutting softly.

I sat there alone, now concerned about the merits of my decision.  The
harshness of Keith's final comment echoed in my head.  Standing up, I found
a pen and some paper, wrote a quick note for Keith and switched off the
study light.  A soft glow coming from the hall passage let me see the
mantle clock showing 10:15 pm.  Mum's shift finished at 11.  I text mum
could she pick me up, that I would be waiting at the end of the drive.
Then laying Keith's loan phone and the note on the kitchen table, I quietly
shut the back door behind me and made my way out and down the drive.
Though there was no moon, the stars bright enough to give me enough light
to navigate the ruts and bumps of the driveway.  At the gate, I lay in the
soft grass staring up at the masses of stars that always fascinated me,
waiting for mum to come.

Shortly after 11, mum turned into the road and I slowly made my way to the
roadside.  "Christ", I muttered under my breath.  The look on mum's face
told me everything; she was not pleased and had a bazillion questions she
was about to ask.  I headed her off.  "Not now, please mum.  Can we just go
home?"

The drive home seemed to take forever.  I guess it was the uncomfortable
silence in the car.  Once home, I stomped in, grabbed my now fully charged
phone, said goodnight and headed up to my room.  Stripping off, I fell into
bed.  Sleep was impossible.  My mind was busy running and rerunning the
events of the night around and around.  I was really upset about how the
night had ended and deeply regretted not staying.  It was not the pleasant
outcome I'd been hoping for all day.  Keith was obviously upset.  Mum was
obviously pissed off at having to come and get me.  Greg was disappointed.
And I hadn't even got to tell Jess and Darryl my decision.  I was
second-guessing every decision I'd made recently and getting angrier and
angrier at the unfairness of the situation I believed I'd been forced into.

I sat up.  I lay down.  I couldn't find rest.  Not even my go-to music
worked.  Finally I got up.  The evening air nipped at my exposed parts and
began to chill me.  Picking up my phone I thought to check, as Keith had
suggested, his texts to me.  I wasn't prepared for what I found.
Seventy-three texts were waiting for me!  He said there was one I should
see!

Unlocking the phone I began to scroll through the waiting texts.  The first
few drove the night chills away, replacing them with another sort.  They
ranged from the inane to the utterly vicious and disgustingly filthy!  Most
were about what I should do to my self.  There were some inventive ways I
could top myself but usually it was the standard form, drown, hang, cut my
throat, jump off a cliff, or jump in front of a logging truck.

There were the texts telling me what was going to be cut off and shoved up
my arse!  By my estimate, I would be like the disappearing cat except I'd
disappear up me own arse!  I was variously a pervert, a faggot, a cunt and
a sick fucken pervy paedophile arse-fucking slut.  I was an AIDs carrier.
I laughed at one comment.  I was a cock sucking arse shagger!  Yep, I
thought, got that right!  I was told everybody hated me, I had no friends
and queers aren't wanted here.  That one rang a memory bell.  Id heard that
before!

The most dumb-arse comment was how one or more of them were gunna shove
their cock down my throat and drown me in their cum.  Hmmm, I thought.
Just who is the faggot here?  Then there were the physical threats.  Look
out arsehole, you're gunna get worse yet.  You think you had it bad, well
guess what.  We're gunna fuck you up real good, and so it went on and on
for 68 texts.

But the worst of them; the ones that really made my blood go cold, were
aimed at my mum and my friends.  I was advised my Mum was a slut and a
whore who should've been aborted.  Shame that her kid didn't die at birth.
That one really hit home.  My friends were gunna get bashed over and their
faggoty arses fucked.  Abusing me was bad, but abusing my mum and my
friends incensed me!  How fucking could they, I thought.  What the fuck had
I done to deserve this shit?

All of the texts began the weekend of my rock-drop and lasted about a
month, ending shortly after I came home.  No names of course and only two
numbers, one I recognised.  But from the tone and mainly spelling, even
though it was txt, it looked like four texters.  I had no idea what to do
about this and just how serious to take some of the comments.  The physical
harm to mum and my friends was what concerned me the most.  The more I
read, the more impotently angry and disturbed I became.

Had I been wiser, I should have just deleted them all, or found Keith's
account and just read the five he sent.  Even his txt, `Miss u Zeb.  Gotta
see u' and a sad face emoticon, didn't register after the shit I'd waded
through.

I had no idea what to do about them.  I couldn't let Keith know given his
reaction to me getting bashed and abused at school.  This was 100 times
worse!  I didn't want mum to ever see the shit said about her.  My friends
couldn't know that someone, or others, wanted to bash them because of me.
I doubted I could talk to my uncle.  He didn't know I was gay.  That might
be an issue down the line.  Could I talk to Greg about it?  I didn't think
I could, as I didn't want him to read the callous, vitriolic hatred in the
texts.

I could try the cops.  That sent me into a frenzy of `what if's'.  Would
there be retaliation?  Who'd be in the frame?  Especially if I wasn't here.
What about Darryl?  Of all my three besties, he was the most innocent and
sensitive and should never be exposed to this level of violent hate!  That
left only one option as far as I could see.  Say nothing and hope!  There'd
been no more for over a month so if I shut up about it, maybe it will all
blow over.  That decision did nothing for my current mood.

Throwing on trackies and hoody, I went downstairs as quietly as I could,
thinking to make a Milo.  Instead, given the clarity of the night sky, I
opted to go and lie in the back yard, staring up at the stars.  Didn't
change anything, but at least it was pleasant.  The night, clear and crisp,
seemed to heighten the sharpness of the starlight, making them seem closer.
Occasionally, the hoot of a morepork would echo across the valley.  The
stream behind the back fence, burbled and murmured, whispering its
secretive soothing message into my head, momentarily smoothing away some of
the outrageous hurts caused by the texts.

I don't know how long I lay there; long enough for the night dew to seep
into my bones, chilling me.  A movement in the corner of my eye broke my
revere.  Mum came and sat beside me.  "What are you doing out here Zeb?
What's going on?"  There was genuine concern in mum's voice, not just the
edgy annoyance when you know you've stuffed up.  What could I say?

"I don't know mum?  Nothing seems to be going right at the moment.  I'm
just pissing people off and hurting them it seems.  I tried to tell Keith
and Greg tonight and that's gone pear shaped.  I don't know what to do
anymore."  "Well, you can come inside first.  You're shivering and wet and
I really don't want to sit out here in the cold. Let me help you love."
Mum helped me up and noticed I didn't have the crutches.  She was not
pleased and let me know it.  Inside, at the table with hot milos, I tried
to explain what had gone down at Keith's.  Mum's response was to say that I
didn't have to go away.  Given what I'd read earlier, I was even more
convinced I had to, but I wouldn't, couldn't tell mum why.  In the end, we
just went round in circles discussing the pros and cons of my decision
without coming to a decision!

About 2 am we went back to bed, but not to sleep.  I couldn't.  What I
needed was about 40 kms away.  I wondered if he was asleep.  Picking up my
phone I txt `U awke'.  Nothing back!  I guess he wasn't.  If I'd stayed I
thought, I wouldn't have found the texts.  But of course, now or later,
they'd still have been waiting for me.  I tossed around in bed, trying to
get comfy and finally, as dawn was breaking, dropped into a fitful,
disturbed sleep.

When I woke, my eyes felt full of sand and red-hot.  I was extremely
restless and couldn't sit still, something mum commented on.  I had to sort
my self out!  Stumping out to the back yard, I went and sat under the plum
tree, sulking.  I felt as if I was drowning in a vat of self-pity.  Anger,
frustration, loneliness, fury, sadness, and impotent rage swarmed over me
as I cursed everyone and everything!  Why me?  What had I done? It wasn't
fair.  And so on, it went thundering through my fucked up head!  Finally,
in a fit of senseless utter, utter frustration, I hurled my sticks
away. One spun over the back fence, the other slammed into it.

Storming up the yard, I called out to mum, "I'm going for a ride up the
bush!"  Before she could come out and stop me, I was on my old bike and
gone, peddling away, somewhere, anywhere.  I didn't care where.  But part
of me knew exactly where I was headed.  My safe place.  The one place I
always found peace.

Almost on auto, I found myself stumbling through the trees, heading towards
the water hole.  The gap was tricky as I had to be careful not to trip and
cause further damage.  But, there it was, quiet and private!  Climbing with
some difficulty, I reached the ledge we warmed ourselves on.  The
distinctive smell of the bush, damp undergrowth and tangy summer-scent of
manuka (tea-tree) filled the air.  Sun-warmed rocks released their stored
energy into me, rejuvenating my soul as I lay face down on them.  Looking
down into the slow moving, deep-green water, the surface broken haphazardly
by unseen water insects transmitting ripples outwards, brought back happy
memories of times past.  Dry kauri leaves raced each other, propelled by
the gentle current, often knocked of course by random light gusts of wind.
Occasionally, the warbling bells, whistles and clatter of tuis in the
treetops broke the quiet of the surrounding bush.  Rolling on my back, I
was mesmerised by the moirŽ effect created by slowly waving fern fronds
dancing with each other, filtering and shattering the sunlight into
sparkling diamond shards. The peacefulness of this special place, the
warmth seeping into me from above and below, combined with my tiredness,
sent me off to sleep.

I woke as I began to cool, the sun having moved behind the valley rim.
Yawning, I realised I'd been asleep for a fair while.  I was stiff and had
a dead arm, the one I had rested my head on.  Stretching helped, but it was
some time before I had full use of it, the tingling pins and needle effect
taking a while to go.

I thought I heard voices but convinced myself that it was only burbling
water flowing over the rocks.  Paying no heed, I lay back down, staring
into the water.  It wasn't until the first person squeezed through the gap
that I realised I had visitors.  First Keith followed by Jess and Greg!
Fuck!  How did they know I was here?

Sitting up, dangling my legs over the edge, I watched them climb up to me,
wondering what this was about.  "What the fuck you doing here?"  Was the
first thing Keith demanded.  "What do you think I'm doing here?  This is my
place.  I come here when I need to.  What are you all doing here?"  "Your
mum is really worried Zeb.  You need to come home."  Greg says quietly.  I
turned my head and looked into the water.  Before I could find something
sensible to say, Keith leaps in.  "You did it again!  Why didn't you answer
my texts?  What's with the note anyway?  Why'd you piss off home last
night?  What the fuck is going on Zeb?"  "Jesus Keith!  Can you just slow
down.  Not here!  Don't be going on at me here!  Not in this place!"  He
understood what I was getting at and calmed a little.  "Well, why didn't
you stay last night?  I waited and then went looking for you.  When I txt,
I found the phone and note on the table.  Why Zeb?"  The concern in his
voice was obvious.

 "You weren't happy and when you went to bed and closed the door, I thought
you wanted me to go.  I left the note to tell you that so you wouldn't
worry.  I haven't answered you texts cause I don't have my phone on me and
when I left, none had come.  I came up here cause this is where I come when
I need some peace and quiet and sort shit out.  Any other questions?"

Jess came and sat beside me.  "Keith rang and when I shot round to check,
your mum told me you'd shot off again.  I think after the last bike ride,
she's a bit worried what could happen to you.  Keith and Greg came up when
I told them you'd bolted."  "I guess she's pretty pissed off then."  "You
could say that and some.  More about you throwing your sticks away though,"
and he laughed making me smile.  "Yeah, that was a bit dramatic.  Did she
find them?"  "No I did.  Good shot with one though.  It ended up stuck in
the bank of the creek.  Guess you're pretty over them eh?"  "Yep!"  "Well,
what now?  You coming home or what?"  "Home I guess."  And with that, I
pushed my self off the ledge into the water.  I've no idea why, but it
seemed a logical thing to do.  It was hard enough climbing up so jumping in
made sense to me.  It was on the way down that a thought flashed through my
head, `hope I miss the rocks'!

I did and swam underwater towards the waterfall.  I felt the shockwave thud
as someone else leapt in.  Surfacing at the falls, I hugged a moss-covered
rock, resting my forehead on it.  The water was cold and I was shivering.
I felt someone brush up against me and Keith surfaced.  We just looked at
each other.  "You are such a cot case, ain't ya Zeb.  What the fuck am I
gunna do with you.  I hope you pick your swim times a bit better than this.
It's fucken freezing!"  And with that, put his arm around me, hugging me to
him.  "C'mon, lets go home."

The walk back to my bike was made in silence.  I rode slowly as Keith and
Jess walked beside me.  We chatted about stuff, nothing too controversial.
They never asked me about my current brain-fart driven activity.  Greg's
Ute was waiting at the end of the bush track and so, with the three of us,
and my bike on the back, we went home.

The bike parked, I stripped to the buff in the laundry and nonchalantly
went up to the shower.  Leaning against the wall, the steaming water as hot
as I could stand, I let it flow over and sooth my hip, as it warmed me
through.  The trip back had chilled me to the bone.  The door opened and
Keith walked in, stripped off and joined me.  He pressed against me wrapped
me in his arms.  I felt his face press into my neck, and little nips as he
bit his way up and down and nibbled at my ear.  Pressing his lips against
my ear, he whispered, "I was waiting for you to do this to me last night.
I wasn't pissed off with you or wanted you to go.  I was confused.  I don't
understand why you think you have to go and I'm worried about you going."
One hand slid down and grasped my dick.  "Mmm, you're boned."

"Of course I am fool.  You know dam well just a whisper from you will do
that," and pushing against him I wriggling my bum, clamping his chubbing
dong between my slippery cheeks.  "You know where this is gunna go, don't
ya Gayboy!  And I'm gunna love it!  Ooo, you're such a sexy little Gayboy
and a cot case, ain't ya.  But I love ya." He whispered.  "You nasty man.
Taking advantage of the infirm now, are we."  And as we giggled like little
kids, more than the water began to steam up.  Just as we were getting into
some deep and meaningful shower play, Greg knocks and pushed the door
partly open.  Fuck!  Nearly caught!  "Don't be too long boys, I need to get
back and I'd like to talk to you Zeb.  Ok?"

Once dressed, I waited in my room for Greg's talk.  He came and Keith left,
shutting the door as he did.  Ominous!  "Zeb, enough is enough!" Starts off
Greg.  "You have to explain yourself.  Your mum is really worried about you
and your actions today are just foolish!  She thinks you might need
professional counseling.  What's going on?"

So I told him the whole stinking truth about the texts and showed them to
him.  He was shocked and, like me, very disturbed by the worst of them.  I
told him why Keith could never know about them and he agreed. If the shit
at school had caused him such grief, what would these do?  We discussed
whether mum needed to know about them.  I said no, he suggested she should
know about some.  In the end I agreed with him if it meant mum understood
why I was so upset.  He asked me about the senders. I told him I knew one
and suspected another but didn't know how many were involved.  Then we
wondered about the time period.  Why only the month or so when I was in
hospital?  That didn't make any sense.  Why stop when I came home?  Finally
we talked about what to do about them.  My decision to just leave it as
they'd stopped wasn't what Greg thought.  He was for going to the police
and the Telco.  I wasn't happy about possibly stirring things up again.  In
the end he agreed to go with my plan, provided nothing else happened.  It
helped hugely to talk it through with Greg and I wondered why I'd
originally thought I couldn't discuss this with him.

Mum came up and explaining what was going on to here with Greg there
helped.  Naturally she was shocked and dismayed and generally pissed off
with various unknown persons.  In the end, we all agreed perhaps my plan
was best.  Best not stir the hornet's nest.  At least I'd headed off mum's
idea about the head shrink.  That just left the sticks problem.  Mum laid
down the law in no uncertain terms.  Use them or else.  I didn't dare ask
what the or else was, just nodded and smiled!  I've learnt that's generally
the best thing to do when mum gets wound up!  Greg left shortly after,
leaving Keith with me.  Yum!

Jess surprised both Keith and I when I told him my decision to head to
Wellington.  He was real keen for it and wished he could do the same.  I
guess he saw major opportunities for his rugby and getting into some
awesome teams down there.  But it made Keith think perhaps there might be a
bit more merit to the idea than he'd given it credit for.

That night, Keith and I spent a delicious time connecting with each other.
The horniness I'd felt the day before and being thwarted; the beginning in
the shower earlier, all culminated in a tremendous outpouring of sexual
energy and cum!  Oh my God!  What a mess we made in and on each other.
There wasn't a hole on our bodies we didn't fill with something.  At times
powerful thrusting tempered by gentle lovemaking.  All of it a determined
effort to display our love and desire for each other.  Thankfully mum had
left for work before we really got into it, as the banging and thumping of
the bed, combined with the gasps, moans and sexually driven cries of utter
pleasure, must've been heard down on the park!  We'd had some awesome sex,
(actually all of it has been awesome) but that session seemed even more
stupendously sensational.

By the time we had satisfied each other's and needs, we were a gasping,
sweaty, exhausted and trembling heap, clinging to each other, smeared in
mixed cum and other substances.  We stank!  But we were happy.  We could
have stayed in bed, but we both wanted to pick up where we left off in the
shower.

It wasn't long before Keith indicated he wanted to do as promised earlier,
though how he found the energy was beyond me.  But, with the remnants of
the lube from earlier, and a little remaining Keith-cum, he managed to
impale me as I supported myself against the wall.  The water helped as he
plunged in and out of my still tingling and burning bum.  His fervent
thrusts were tempered by passion and tenderness, knowing that I might be
feeling a little sore from his earlier shagging.  But this was mutual.  I
wanted it as much as Keith wanted to do me.  I'd let the guy of my dreams
fuck me whenever he needed to.  Keith spurted about the same time as the
water began to cool and the warmth of him kept me from getting cold.  We
were both well ready for sleep.

Things settled after that with Keith and I.  That just left Darryl to tell.
I attended the end of year assembly, not as a student but with Keith and
family as he was receiving two awards, one for sport achievement and the
other excellence in maths.  I felt great sitting there in shorts and tee
while everyone else was in uniform!

Once school was out, Keith went back working at his part time job so I
didn't get to see him much through the week.  I caught up with Darryl and
asked him if he'd like to come up.  I wasn't ready for the reaction I got
when I told him I was going.  Darryl was gutted and all but cried.  That
stunned me!  I'd known him for years and in all that time never ever seen
him as upset as he was then.  Nothing I said seemed to console him.  I the
end he just got up and went home.  I never heard from or saw him until the
night of Jess's birthday party.

Jess's party was on a Saturday night, two days before his actual sixteenth.
It was invite only and Jess had warned me he had invited Emma.  I didn't
really have a problem about that and let him know, as it was his party, he
could invite who he liked.  It wouldn't be me causing problems.  Keith
stayed the weekend.  Once mum and Greg knew Jess's dad and some of his
mates were policing the party, they let us both take a six-pack of RTD's
each, Vodka and Bourbon.  It probably was a bit too much.

The party was great with pretty much all the usual suspects and sports
mates.  I caught up with Darryl and asked why he was avoiding me.  We
talked it through and I could visibly see him relax more as I explained why
I'd made my decision.  I guess he was like Keith; didn't like it but would
accept it.  For now anyway.  I avoided Emma and she avoided me.  Good, no
probs with that.  The party was no place for getting into it with her.

Everyone was enjoying themselves, happily getting a bit pissed, when four
dudes rocked up the drive.  I recognised two from school, both I'd had
close contact of the fist kind.  My heart sank and wondered why Jess had
invited them.  Turns out they weren't.  They gate crashed instead.

At first there was no problem, everyone just there to celebrate with Jess.
But as the shitheads became more and more pissed, the comments began.
"Didn't know this was a faggot party" and "Must be queer country" began it.
One of them called out "Someone can't read.  Doesn't read their texts."
Then the gestures began, fingers etc, grabbing their junk calling out to me
"Suck this cunt!"  Nothing shouted too loudly, just enough for me and those
immediately around me to hear.  Mostly they had no idea what was going on.
It got to the stage I couldn't ignore it anymore.  Either I went home, or I
faced up to the fucktards!  I considered leaving, but fuckit, why should I!

Leaving my crutches, I walked over to them.  This could only end one way,
and badly for me.  But it had to end!  As I walked towards them, they began
sniggering and laughing.  "What you gunna do cunt?  Spank us or suck us?"
"If you've got a problem with me, fine, leave it with me, don't bring it
here.  You wanna bash me, fine.  I don't give a shit.  But get this.  I'll
fuck at least one of you up.  I told you that before.  One of you will be
hurt real fucken bad."

The tone and hatred in my voice must've surprised and convinced them of my
sincerity.  It made them think about it for a microsecond.  One of them
returned, "We're gunna rape the fuck outa your fucken arse and shove our
dicks down your throat till you stop breathing, faggot.  You'll like that
eh, you sick fuck!"  "Really!" I laughed.  Who's the faggot now?  What, you
all tired of sucking each other's slimy, diseased cocks are you?  Sick of
your mates loose arses are we?  Problem is, you fucks must be fucken
frustrated seeing as you're dickless wonders.  Why don't you fuck off and
find a dog to fuck, or better, get it to fuck your useless arses, you
stupid arsed shit heads."

If we ever got to it, I know I'd be fubar, fucked up beyond all
recognition.  But, their comments had drawn attention to themselves and my
calling them out had drawn a larger crowd.  Just as one went to make a
start, one of the minders came over and stopped it.

"You can stop that shit right now!  No fighting here.  You can all leave
please.  Take your piss and go!"  Jess, his dad and his mates had all come
over, so there was no way they were going to argue or stay.  They left and
after waiting a few moments I was surprised by being told I had to leave
too.  I was going to argue, but decided, WTF, just go home.  Heading back
to get my sticks, Keith comes over and says, "I'll come with you."  I told
him no, stay and party hard and I'd see him back home.  Jess was really
apologetic but his dad and mates wouldn't change their minds.  So I hobbled
off down the drive, shamefaced and embarrassed.

Somehow I had to get from Jess's place, back home without meeting up with
the fucktards.  I managed that by hopping in and out of peoples front
gardens every time I heard a car coming.  I don't mind admitting I was shit
scared that I'd get pounced on.  Needless to say, I was furious.  Once
again I'm getting penalised for something someone else had started.

I went to bed.

Keith came in sometime around 12:30 smelling of bourbon.  He was quite
shited.  Though he was keen to initiate some sex, I doubted he'd be very
capable and only managed to fall asleep on my tum.  Wow!  That was
romantic!  I laughed in the morning.  He was ill.  Hung-over and a crook
tum.  I really did feel sorry for him, but laughed at him anyway.  When he
was able, about midday, we talked about the party.  He wanted to know what
had gone down. I explained that it was a continuation of the school shit
and that I'd tried to end it one way or the other.  That troubled him.
First, knowing I'd have been smashed over, and second, that it had
escalated so much.  I told him I refused to back down though I agreed with
him that trying to smash them might not be the most effective way to solve
it.

Jess came round with his dad in the arbo.  His dad apologised telling me
many of the others at the party had got into his ear explaining who had
started it.  I was happy he understood that, but it didn't fix my
disappointment at not being able to celebrate my oldest friends birthday.
I told him that too and enjoyed making him feel bad.  At least I could help
Jess celebrate on his actual birthday, which we did.  I got pissed!  That
gave me a fresh perspective on how Keith felt after the party.  Needless to
say Keith was unsympathetic.  Mum was very displeased with me!

That just left Christmas and I was really looking forward to that.