Date: Sun, 14 Feb 2016 22:30:07 +1300
From: ben zeb <zebben2014@gmail.com>
Subject: Math Class Pt 16

Math Class Pt 16

Last Writes 2

To keep things contained and to help with cleaning up, we had our party in
Greg's garage.  Bales were placed around the walls and we made it into a
bit of a western theme.  We even suggested that our friends come dressed
up. Most did. Our parents plus some others came out on the pretext of
celebrating a dual sixteenth.  We knew they were really there as minders.
It was still a great success though.

We had a typical sixteenth party I guess, though I'd only been to two.
There was no booze, no fights, and no problems.  Some couples disappeared
into the darkness and came back looking a bit flushed and breathless; Jess
and Devon were gone fifteen minutes or so, as did Keith and Em trying not
to be too obvious.  Little jealousy pangs bit me as they left.  Greg
noticed them leave and when they came back looking sheepish, he had a quiet
word with Keith.  Keith didn't look happy about it.  He saw me and gave a
little embarrassed grin.  Then pretended nothing had happened.

At the end only the six of us were left sitting around on bales talking and
laughing about the day.  Jess's dad arrived and he and Devon left with him.
Darryl left with his mum leaving only the three of us.  I felt extra so
went to bed.  Thinking to keep things straight in case Em came into his
room, I hopped into the spare bed.  Keith gave me a strange look when he
came in.

Next morning we set about cleaning up.  A little after lunch we had it
sorted.  Keith suggested to Em that he show her around the farm.  As he was
taking his bike out of the shed, Greg suggested that I go as well.  I quick
frown flashed across his Keith's face.  Before I could say anything, Keith
asked, "Isn't your mum coming out to get you Zeb?"  Trying to save face I
replied, "Yeah, she is.  Sorry bud can't go this time."  I wanted to add,
`and keep away from the fucken barn.  That's ours'.  I knew exactly where
he intended to go.  "Have fun, eh."  Greg gave me a hard stare and to
Keith, "Don't be long and don't do anything stupid.  I don't want either of
you getting hurt."  I was still there an hour later when they came back.
Mum arrived about thirty minutes later and Em and I left with her.  Em
chatted about the farm and how cool it all was.  I mentioned that she must
have had the royal tour as they were away for so long.  She dropped her
eyes and blushed.

Monday the 17th was our birthday proper.  Our family birthday dinner was at
home.  Sarah took the opportunity to zoom all over the place, much to her
mum's annoyance.  She was fascinated with the stairs and kept running up
and sliding down them.

Just before dinner, she came back down hugging a stuffed toy, a lion I'd
had forever and a favourite when I was a little kid.  She was having a
conversation with him.  I was a bit pissed off with that she had been in my
room to get it, but didn't show it simply asking," Where did you find
Fergus?"  Keith was about to climb into her about going into others rooms,
but I stopped him saying, "It's cool Bud."  Sarah was very apologetic and
looked like she was about to tear up.  Keith called her over and gave her a
hug to cheer her up.  She came over to me. "I'm sorry Zebby.  Then, "Why is
his name Fergus?"  "Don't know really.  That's been his name forever.  He
was my favourite friend when I was little and he slept in my bed and kept
me safe and warm at night.  I'd almost forgotten him.  Why did you bring
him down Sarah?"  "He was sad and wanted to come to your birthday.  Can he
come?"  "Yeah, why not.  But only if he eats his tucker and not too
much. OK."  "OK."  Then away she went explaining it all to my stuffed toy.
Greg and Keith just looked at me, eyebrows raised and grinning fit to bust!
"Wot!" I barked.  They laughed.  "Fergus huh?  You kept him quiet Bigboy,"
Keith says.

As it happened, there were three sixteen year olds at that dinner; me,
Keith and Fergus as mum explained.  He was a pressie given the day we were
born.  I asked who gave him to me.  Mum looked away then quietly said
"John."  "Oh my God," says Greg, "That must be why it's called Fergus.
That was his middle name.  We teased him about it at school."  I looked at
mum and began saying, "Then there must have been..."  "That's right love,"
she interrupted, "There was," and changing the subject quickly said,
"Dinners ready.  Lets eat."  "Was what?" Keith asked me.  I held up two
fingers.  It dawned on him, "Oh, yeah."

After dinner, before the gettin and givin began, I sat on the couch next to
Sarah.  She was cuddling and chatting with Fergus.  "Look Sarah, poor
Fergus is lonely.  I've got a big friend to keep me safe now..."  "You mean
Keith, don't you," she interrupted.  "Yes, I mean Keith.  Anyway, Fergus
still has a job to do and needs someone who will love him just like I did.
I think that should be you. What you think?  Could you look after him for
me?'  Sarah was just like her brother; a softy and lovable one at that.
She threw her arms around my neck, gave me a big slobby kiss on my cheek
and whispered, "I will Zeb, I promise."  A D9 dozer wouldn't have prized
Fergus out of her arms after that.

Keith and I exchanged gifts; an official AB's world cup rugby strip from
him and a hoody and a player's shirt with his number, from his favourite
soccer club, Real Madrid from me.  Of course we had to change into them.
There were the usual array of clothes and money and some other stuff we
needed like bike bits, fishing gear.  The last pressie was a square box
wrapped up with a familiar message, `open in private' on it.  "Bloody
Darryl!" we go.  "Well, open it boys" says mum.  "Ahh, think not," goes
Keith.  "Why boys," goes Greg.  "Can't!  See, it says open in private." I
answer.  With that I tuck it under all the others.

Pressies over out comes the birthday cake, our favourite, chocolate and
orange.  Fill up on that, Mum and Debbie clean up and as it's past Sarah's
bedtime, Greg and Debbie take her home.  Keith stays the night with me.

We watch a bit of TV then decide to go of to bed.  As I was about to go up
mum says, "That was a nice thing to do for Sarah.  Are you sure you won't
miss him.  You could've given him to your child perhaps."  "Maybe mum, to
both.  But every time I see him, I'd remember. So would you.  I
thought...well I thought it might make it easier.  But where's the other
one?"  "With Martin."  Then she hugged me and kissed me on the head.

I found Keith in the bathroom finishing his teeth.  I lean against the wall
waiting and he has to ask me twice what's up.  I shake my head and say,
"Nothing bud, just thinking."  Teeth cleaned, quick wash-up, strip of, into
bed.  Keith's lying on his back, hands behind his head, watching me.  Lying
down, he rolls over on his side.  I turn and face him.  "There's something
on your mind, eh Zebby?"  I think for a moment not wanting to spoil the
moment.  "It's Fergus."  "Yeah that was nice you letting Sarah have him,"
he goes.  "Where is the other one?"  "With my twin."  "Oh."  Long
pause. Really long pause.  Then, "I can get Fergus back for you Zebby."
"No, let Sarah have him.  Its all good."

Keith moved closer and put his arm around my shoulder.  "Are you Ok about
me and Em, Zeb?"  To quickly, I lie, "Yeah. Of course I am.  And good on ya
for cracking her."  "What?  What you mean?"  "Come on.  It was obvious what
you two were up to.  And Jess and Devon, and the rest out there in the
dark.  You think we didn't notice?"  "Oh, yeah.  Dad certainly did.  He
gave me a fair roasting.  I got another one on Sunday when you all left.
He said I'd been unfair to you.  I asked him how was I unfair.  All he said
was you know exactly what I mean.  Fucked if I know what he meant.  Do
you?"  Another lie.  "No, can't think why bud.  Anyway, how'd she like the
barn?" Quickly changing the subject.  "Oh shit.  You guessed that to."
"Course I did.  Where else would've you gone.  Fuck I would've."  "Well,
why didn't you then?"  "What with Em?  Fuck off Keith!  I'd never do that
to you! You know that!"  We lapsed into silence.  A short time later, Keith
asks, "Have you had sex with her Zebby?'  "What?  No way bud.  Why ask
that?"  "I'm not the first.  She said she'd had sex with one of my
friends. When I asked who, she wouldn't say.  I wouldn't mind if it was
you.  You know that eh?  Just, you'd tell me if you did eh?"  "What the
fuck Keith!  Where's all this coming from.  I'd never do anything behind
your back and I've always been truthful with you.  I'm happy you and Em are
together and won't do anything to hurt either of you."  "Yeah, I know Zeb.
But it's just, well she didn't exactly say who, but sorta suggested that it
might be, umm, well, it might be you cause you and her are good friends and
you said you loved her."  "She is a good friend and I do love her.  But not
like that.  She's a mate.  You don't fuck your mates."  Keith choked and I
realised what I'd said.  "Fuck" he laughed, "Hate to be your enemy.  What
about Jess and Darryl?  They're your mates aren't they?  Aint I too?"  "Oh,
fuck Keith, you know what I mean.  Don't confuse me.  OK.  I've fucked a
couple of mates.  But I've never fucked Emma.  Period!  Anyway, does it
worry you someone's been there before you?"  I asked.  "Umm, don't know
Zebby.  Maybe, maybe not."  Do you Love her?'  "Yeah, I think I do.
Doesn't feel the same as it does with you though.  Just different."  "What,
sex?  That's gotta feel different, surely."  "No you fool.  Course the sex
is different.  I mean how I feel about you and how I feel about her.  It's
different."  "Oh."  Was all I said.  "Don't you wanna know why it's
different?"  Not really I'm thinking.  Then, "Hey!  The box!  It's
downstairs!" leaping out grabbing my robe I flew downstairs and grabbed it
from where I shoved it earlier.  Back in bed, we ripped the paper off and
opened it.  There were a few small packages, not unlike those we gave to
Darryl.  Yep, he'd returned the favour.

The first package was a hand towel with a note attached, `To replace the
used one'.  We giggled at that.  The second was the hay bale we'd given
him.  But stuck on it was a little doll he had obviously made, with it's
bum in the air and underneath, he'd painted white spots.  "The dirty shit!"
We laughed.  The third was the now empty tube of Vaseline, but he'd glued a
big smiley face on it.  "I think he's telling us something Zebby."  "Yep!"
I responded.  The next package had us confused.  It was a little chess set
you can find in the $2 shop but both the queens were missing.

"What's that about?"  Keith says.  I think for a bit, "We've played chess a
bit and he's sometimes made comments about being lonely if he looses his
queen and I'd be lonely if I lost mine.  Maybe that's it?"  "What?  Is he
saying you two are the queens?"  "That'd be pretty random!" I say.  Then it
clicks.  "I think he's just admitted he's gay.  He's never actually said he
is.  Wow!  That's big."  "Fuck!  That is random.  How're you meant to
understand that?"  Keith goes.  "That's Darryl I guess.  Fucken twat.
Fancy calling me a queen.  Wait'll I see him.  He'll be getting a boot up
the arse, that's for sure."  "Only a boot," Keith grins.  "Fuck-up and open
the next one" I laugh. In it was a toy motorbike.  Glued on the seat was a
little piece of sponge.  We cracked up.  "No doubt about this kid, he has a
wicked sense of humour," Keith muses.  On the bottom of the box was a
folded piece of paper.  Written on it was `I have friends.  Thank you.'  We
looked at each other.  Keith refolded it and carefully placed it my bedside
cabinet.  There were two more packages, one for each of us.  Inside a
framed photo of all of us taken at his party.  On the back `Thanks'.

"Thank fuck we didn't open this downstairs" goes Keith.  "Shit,
yeah. Imagine what the olds would've said about the bale."  That got us
laughing and joking around; mum called up the stairs, "You've got school
tomorrow boys.  You should get some sleep."  "Yeah, Ok,' we shouted back.
"Well, we're legal now Bigboy.  I reckon we test things to see if it's
different."  "Fuck!  You've got a way with words.  Very romantic.  Is that
what you say to Em, then?" I joked.  "Don't spoil the moment Zebby."

The 17th of August 2015 will live in my memory as one of the sweetest
moments Keith and I have ever shared.  We celebrated our shared birth day
locked together in an embrace late into the night, giving to each, the only
way two committed lovers can.

Sleepy-eyed and yawning our way through breakfast, mum giving us a
hurry-up, showered and ready for school, we wandered down to the bus stop.
Jess greeted us with, "I can see what you've been up to."  At the next stop
the rest of our group piled on, Em making a beeline for Keith.  Darryl came
up saying "You enjoy your pressie?"  To piss him off I replied, "Oh shit!
We were gunna open that but left it on the couch.  Sorry Darryl.  What was
in it?"  "Oh nothing much. Just some stuff."  He looked disappointed.
Suffer you bastard I'm thinking and winked at Keith.

Emma was all over Keith asking him why he didn't txt and why couldn't she
have come to the dinner and why didn't you ring me and I txt you why didn't
you answer and so on.  Keith just shook his head repeatedly saying sorry Em
I shoulda but it was a family dinner and I didn't get your txt and I'm
sorry I didn't call you but I was pretty busy and so on.  Sickening really.
I stood up and looked at the top of his head.  Jess got the meaning.
"Patch there yet?" he goes.  "Nah, but hairs gettin thinner."  "Oh shudup
ya wankers" he returns.  We laugh.  Emma's going, "What?  What? What's
going on?"
 "Nothing Em" goes Jess, "Just checking for thumb marks is all."  Glad it
was him said it cause she comes out with, "Oh, fuck-up ya dumb bastard."
Don't know if she meant it or not, but she didn't look happy."

Just another day at school, I get home and I get two visitors.  The first
is the youth aid officer.  "Good afternoon Zeb.  Is your mum home?"  Yes I
go.  "Can I come in please?  I need to talk to you both."  "I'm sixteen
now, don't need mum.  What can I do for you?"  "I'd like to talk to you and
your mum please," he goes.  So in he comes, mum comes out and we sit down
in the lounge.  "Zeb," he starts, "There has been some vandalism at the
neighbours house over the weekend.  Words were spayed on his house and a
rock was thrown through his window.  Do you know anything about this?"
"Why would I, " I go.  "Well, you've had trouble in the past, haven't you.
I'm just wondering if you know anything about it."  Mum is about to say
something but I interrupt, "I wasn't here over the weekend, so it couldn't
be me."  "OK. He says it was."  "Then he's a lying shit!  I wasn't here."
Mum confirmed where I was and he took notes saying he'd follow up.  Then he
left.  I just looked at mum and shook my head and went up to my bedroom.  I
had a fair idea who did it as it I heard the rumour at school.  But I
wasn't about to dob anyone in.

A little while later I hear the door go again.  Mum answers, I hear my name
mentioned and footsteps up the stairs.  Em sticks her head around the door.
"Can I come in?"  "Sure Em."  She hops on my bed.  "Sup, girl," I say.
"Just thought it was time to catch up with ya.  You being old and like."
She goes.  "Old! Fuckof" I go. "Your birthdays next."  "So, you're up here
now."  "Yep been here for over a year now.  It's a while since you've been
here, eh."  "Yeah.  Where does Keith sleep?" She goes "Here, of course." I
return.  "What, you got a roll away bed somewhere?'  "No.  In this," I go
patting my bed.  "Together!" she exclaims.  "Of course. Don't you and your
friends when they stay over?"  "Yeah, but that's different.  You're guys."
She says.  "So fucken what!  How is that different?"  I'm getting a little
pissed off now.  I'm wondering what she wants.  "Bit old to be sleeping
together aren't you?"  What!  You`re my mother now are you?" I say
sarcastically.  "Just seems a bit weird.  Two guys sharing a bed.  Might
look like your gay or something."  "Is that what you think, is it Emma.
That we're gay or something."  "No, no, no.  It's just, well it's weird."
"Look Em, what do you want?  It's not just to find out where Keith sleeps
when he's here, is it?"  "Well...he stays here a lot doesn't he," states
Em.  "He's my mate, why shouldn't he."  I can feel myself getting really
annoyed now.  "Jess doesn't."  "Jess fucken lives here for fucks sake!  He
doesn't need to sleep over to see me!"  "No need to get bitchy.  Just
saying is all."  "Ok then," I say, calming a little.  So, how's every
thing.  "Yeah, it's good.  Specially me and Keith."  "Yeah, that's nice."
"He's a really nice guy."  No argument from me I'm thinking.  But I say
nothing.  She goes on, "You and him are good mates eh."  WTF, here we go
again I think.  "Yeah, we are."  "Real close."  "Yeah we are."  "You looked
a little pissed off when we were at the farm Sunday.  I never answered.
"Why?' she goes.  "I wasn't pissed off Em.  I'm happy for you both.  If you
wanna shag Keith great, go for it.  That's your business."  "He loves me."
"Good." I say curtly.  "I thought you loved me."  Ding!  Here we go.  "I do
Em."  "So, your not jealous then."  "No," I lie.  We sit there silently.
Then she goes, "Why didn't you do something about it then."  "About what?"
"You and me.  Didn't you want a relationship with me."  "You're my mate Em.
I don't love you like that.  You don't fuck your mates."  Then out she
comes with a stunner.  "People think you're gay or something."  "What?"
genuine surprise.  "Where's that coming from?  Who says I'm gay?"
"Just...some people cause you don't have a girlfriend."  "Oh for fucks
sake! Really!  Do you think that Em?"  "Well no, not really.  But you spend
more time with your guy mates than girls."  "What!  I should be a
jock-arsed himbo, should I?  Try and shag anything with a pussy and if I
can't, bullshit about it.  Is that what you reckon?"  I'm getting real
angry now and Em can see it.  "Look, I didn't mean to upset you Zeb.  It's
just, well strange you didn't try to with me.  I would've you know.  I love
you too.  But shit Zeb, you don't have a girl friend.  What am I sposed to
think?"  "Anything you fucken like!  Just because I didn't line up to shag
you doesn't mean a thing.  Just you make sure you're honest with Keith and
don't fuck him around."  "What do you mean honest?"  "You know exactly what
I mean."  Suddenly, whack!  She fair slaps me across my face.  "Fuck you."
She goes.  "Better go now Em."  I answer.  I didn't dare say another thing.
She flies down the stairs in tears and slams the door.  Fuck, I think.
Don't need any more visitors if they're like the last two.

I go down when dinner is ready.  Mum has to ask, "What was that all about?"
"Just an argument about shit Em should know better about."  "Oh."  We eat
dinner in silence.

After that, things began to spiral down into a pit of shit!  A few days
later I get called a faggot.  I was surprised as it came from one of the
lunchtime sports group.  I laughed as teasing is pretty normal at school.
Then it began more often from more people, some I didn't know that well.
It began to be really nasty shit and there was a viciousness behind it.
The name calling ramped up to arse fucker, queer, cock sucker etc.  I had
to smile to myself really.  After all, it was true.  Keith and Jess stood
up for me, but I was concerned that they shouldn't be caught up in what
ever was going on.

Then the threats started, that I'd better watch out cause I was gunna get
the bash at school and out of school.  Nothing was said when Jess or Keith
were near by and I never let on what to them about it either.

One day soon after that, as I was passing the workshop, two heroes came out
from the tech room.  "Hey c__ __t," they call.  "We don't like queers
here!" Then started pushing and slapping me around. I was trying to back
away but got corned in the motor bay.  No one was around and they fair got
into me, punching, and a couple of kicks and slapped.  No facial injuries
but bruising where it wouldn't show.  They stopped and told me there'd be
more. And there was.  It happened a few times more before I learnt to keep
away from certain places.

By end of August, it was rare if I wasn't abused or called out for
something.  Our lunchtime group had changed heaps.  Jess, Keith, Devon and
Em were busy with each other and had stopped playing.  New members arrived.
The final insult came one day as the teams were picked.  Some bastard
commented, "Watch out fellas, the queer's here." Someone else shouted, "We
don't want arse bandits here, fuck off!"  As I wasn't picked, nothing left
for me but slink away.  I never went back to the field again.  None of it
made sense to me.  I'd never bullied or hurt anyone at school, so why was
this happening?

I discovered how Darryl must've felt all those years ago at primary,
wandering around the school grounds, looking for someone to join up with.
Only he wasn't being bullied.  Some days, I'd meet up with Keith and Jess,
but if Em was around, she'd leap in and drag Keith away.  None of them
seemed to know why I was getting pinged and that made me feel so alone.

For the rest of the term I hid in the library.  It was easier.  I spent my
time playing chess with Darryl and a couple of his friends.  School was
becoming a miserable and potentially violent place for me.  I began bunking
off when ever I could.  Usually in the afternoons especially if I didn't
like the subjects.  I learnt quickly to lock my bike up outside the local
mall as all bikes were locked in a cage at school and were only accessible
at home time.  Jess asked me why I was biking.  I just said for fitness.
Mum questioned me to, but gave her the same bland answer.

I had no idea why things had gone so pear shaped. I didn't get any chance
to see Keith on weekends.  Em saw to that.  I'd also scored a weekend part
time job at a local garden centre, so my time was limited anyway.  I was
still going out to the farm, but not as often, as my programme had changed.
Keith would ask me what was up when we were together, but what could I say?
I never told him about the abuse.  Perhaps I should've.

The first week of September was the last time I went out to the farm.  As I
usually did, I used the school bus.  Keith was unusually quiet.  Dropping
our bags on his bedroom floor, I was about to head out and jump on my bike
when Keith suggested we do our homework first.  WTF, I'm thinking, this is
new.  "Nah mate, lets fang about on the bikes for a bit," I go.  He just
shakes his head.

Out in the shed, I notice my bike is leaning against the back wall, not
where it usually is with the other two.  By now, Greg has come in.  I say
hi. I get a hug.  It's been a while since we've seen each other.  "What's
my bike doing back there?" I ask.  "Didn't Keith tell you what happened,"
Greg goes.  "No, what?"  I'm going over to see it when Keith walks in.
"Sorry Zeb.  Jess dinged it."  "I spin round, "What?  When?  How?"  "The
other weekend.  He came out and we went up the farm.  I'm real sorry Zeb."

Looking at the bike, my beautiful, precious bike, I see it's almost
trashed.  Bent spokes, flat tyre, broken foot peg, and broken clutch lever.
The tank has a massive ding in it and the light is smashed.  I guess all of
it is fixable, but that's not the point.  It was trashed and I was left to
find it.  Where's the honesty among mates I'm thinking.  On any other day,
if I hadn't been going through what I was, I may have reacted differently.
Instead, to stop my self saying something I'd regret, and also not let them
see me bawling my eyes out, I turned around, didn't say a thing and headed
down the drive.  I was going home!  I see out the corner of my eye, Greg
looking like thunder at Keith.

By now it's about five, still light, but it's getting dark.  To avoid being
blinded by car lights and be safe, I take the cycle path.  It's a straight
walk into town, only about twelve or so Kms away.  Then it's another twelve
up the coast.  But I'm not thinking straight.  All the shit that's come
down of late, clouds my judgement.  Off I go.  I soon realise how far it
is.  About an hour later, I reach for my cell, only to realise I've left
that in my bag at Keith's.  Fuckit I go.  Aint going back.  On I plod.
It's dark.  Real dark.  But the path is an easy one.

I make it to town about two and half hours later.  What I don't know is,
while I'm heading down the pathway, Greg lets mum know I've done a runner
and she's out looking for me and so is Greg.  Unfortunately, the cycle way
is at the back of farms so you can't see the cycle way from the road.  They
can't se me.  I get through town and now just the coast.  It's a really
narrow road, just two lanes wide.  I think, as the tides out, why not walk
along the beach.  Not a good idea as I can't be seen on the beach easily.
Every now and again I have to climb up the rocks and walk along the road as
the rock outcrops block the beach.  As I'm climbing up one of these, mum
spots me.  Thank fuck I'm thinking.  I'm absolutely shagged from all this
walking.  By now it's way after nine.

She turns round, stops beside me and I hop in. Oh crap! She is wild!  I'm
deeply in the shit!  Nothing said until we get home.  Then off she goes;
"Do you know blah, blah, blah!  And also blah, blah, blah!  Do you know how
blah, blah, blah?"  I've had enough of everything!  "Shut the fuck up mum!
I've over all this shit!  Just leave me alone, will you!"  And I fly up to
my room, slamming the door.

I throw myself on my bed.  I'm tired!  I'm angry!  I'm pissed off!  I'm
sad.  I'm lonely.  I'm frightened.  I'm confused.  I hurt, especially my
feet.  So I do what all fuckups seem to do, cry my heart out.  I feel
guilty for feeling sorry for my self.  Guilty for upsetting mum and
shouting at her.  Guilty for upsetting Greg.  Guilty about my twin.  Guilty
about how I feel about my mates.  Guilty for all the fucken problems in the
whole fucked-up world it seems.  Why would Jess do that to my bike?  Why
would Keith let him? I feel betrayed.  Who's spreading shit about me being
gay?  Only three people should know.  What's with Emma?  She wants me to
fuck her?  How's that for showing honesty to your boy friend?  And on and
on it goes.  I'm sick of being pinged at school and getting the bash.  Why
couldn't I have been straight I'm thinking.  Things must be easier.  Why
wasn't it me who didn't make it at birth?  Surely my twin would've made a
better fist of living than I have.  And then the guilt really got me and I
sobbed my heart out.  I woke next morning stiff and sore and stinking of
sweat.  I didn't go to school.

When I finally came down, mum was a mess.  Looked like she'd been crying
all night too.  I had no idea how to fix this.  But, you can't avoid a
problem, no matter how you try.  Mum saw to that.

"Come here Zeb!"  I came.  "I don't care how old you think you are, you
will never speak to me or any one like that again.  Do you understand me?"
"Yes mum."  "What happened last night?"  "My bike was trashed and I got
angry."  "Is that all?"  She goes.  "No.  Keith's pissed off with me, Em's
pissed off with me, and half the school's pissed off with me.  Don't ask me
why, I don't know.  I think I wanna leave.  I can now, I'm sixteen."  "No
way are you leaving school my boy.  You will stay and finish your level 2
and do your level 3.  Don't even argue about it.  You are doing it!"  "Then
let me go and stay with uncle in Wellington.  At least there are better
opportunities."  If I'd slapped her face I don't think she could've looked
more shocked.  "I don't want to be at that school or go there ever again
mum."  "What? What about all your friends?  What about Keith?"  "They won't
give a shit mum. I want to leave.  If you want me to be at school for
another year, let me go to another one."  She could see I was serious.
"I'll have to think about it. But you're not leaving school!"  I went back
to my room.

The weekend passed, no txts from Keith.  Monday came, Jess had trouble
looking at me.  Em just gave me the evils.  At school I get it right from
the get go with Keith.  He tells me he's in the shit and has been grounded.
Why couldn't I have stayed and talked about fixing the bike.  I let him
know it wasn't about the bike, and why didn't he tell me.  He dumps my bag
at my feet and walks away.  It was the first time we've ever been angry at
each other.

Keith and I spent less and less time together.  When I did see him, he
looked sad.  I guess I did too.  I certainly felt it.  For whatever reason
we found it hard to talk to each other, God knows why.  Em became more and
more bitchy towards me, not un-noticed by Jess and Devon.  Darryl was still
in with Em, so he gave me a few updates.  Anyway, Em's birthday was coming
up, two weeks before term end.  That would be a chance to catch up and sort
things out.

Her party was strictly by invitation only. Em's parents were absolute on
that.  Invites went out, everyone was talking about the upcoming party, but
where was mine?  I waited and waited thinking it was just an oversight.
Meanwhile, I was busy at the garden centre.  That kept my mind occupied.
Keith txt occasionally so I guess we were talking again, sort of.

I didn't enjoy being at school at all, but the approaching term break told
us we were on the down slope to summer and end of year.  We could smell
summer in the air.  At least spring anyway.  No spring in Keith's eyes. He
looked even more down than before.  My heart ached for him and I tried to
talk to him, but he'd just shrug it off.  If Em was around, she would tell
me to leave him alone.  I couldn't see him at his place, as I wasn't going
out there anymore.  That was a decision I made after the bike incident.  I
guess that was a bit churlish.  Greg wasn't happy about my decision but I
lied and told him I had to have work experience somewhere else.  I kept
pressuring mum to let me leave and get out of town.

Everyone was going on about the coming party.  When the topic came up, I
just brushed it off saying, "Yeah, it'll be great."  Friday came, still no
invite.  I was too proud to ask why.  I wouldn't be there.  Monday all hell
broke loose.  Where were you?  Why didn't you come to the party?  You
really pissed Emma off.  She's out for you.  That was a stab in the back.
You jealous or something? And on and on.  Even Jess and Devon were pissed
off with me.  Finally, all I said was, "It was invite only wasn't it?  Well
ask Emma why she didn't invite me."  I was seen as a back-stabber, that I
was jealous of Keith and how could I stab a mate in the back. Abuse after
abuse was hurled at me, and still I had no idea why!  My last week at
school was a nightmare.