Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2000 14:34:35 -0500
From: fsw <fsw99@mindspring.com>
Subject: Matt and Mike Chapter 19
Warning! This story contains sex between minor boys. If you are underage,
this is illegal in your country, or do not like this type of story, please
do not read this.
MATT and MIKE
Chapter Nineteen
On Thursday, Mike and I carried down everything from our bedroom to the
U-Haul, and loaded it. Dad helped pack everything so nothing would be
broken, but did not help in bringing down anything. Mom was busy packing
her own things.
We finally drove away for the last time. We rode with Mom in the back seat,
and Dad drove the U-Haul. We rode in complete silence the whole way.
I didn't even get to tell Adam, Jeff, Rob, or Jim goodbye in person. Mike
and I might not ever see them again. We had all talked over the phone
several times in the last two days, and many tears were shed, but it was
not the same as in person.
Adam, Jeff, and Rob had told me that they were going to have to move,
also. The University had been good enough to let everyone leave with
recommendations, and their Dad had already found another job starting the
next semester.
Jim didn't sound too happy. He would be left by himself. None of us had any
control over our situations, however, and we all just had to do the best we
could.
We finally got to Jim's house. I really didn't know him very well, as our
Mom really hated him. Mom had almost completely shut me off from all of
them. I think I had met him only once before. He greeted us warmly,
hugging both of us. We were still kind of stunned, and didn't hug back. My
Grandparents also were virtual strangers, and we received their hugs as
well as we could. We now had a new place to live, and we were thankful for
that. Jim even helped us bring our things upstairs into our new bedroom.
My Grandparents had a big two story house that was reminiscent of days in
the past. There were several rooms blocked off completely upstairs. At
least our room had been cleaned and aired out.
Once we got everything out of the U-Haul, Mom and Dad said a simple goodbye
and left. No hugs. No nothing.
We were totally abandoned. Two weeks ago, we were both safely in the closet
and in high school. We had 4 great friends and supposedly loving
parents. We had plenty of extra money to spend.
Now, we were living with people we barely knew, even if they were related
to us. We didn't have a college that had accepted us yet, didn't have a
job, and only had the money that each of us had in our savings account when
all of this happened.
We both did the only thing we could do. At least the house we lived in was
near the town square. We both took any job that was available. We always
tried to make sure that we worked together at the same time. We walked
everywhere. We would work one job for four to six hours, come home and
change clothes, and work another job until quitting time. We forgot about
school for the time being. We had to save some money first.
Do you really know how many businesses will hire a 14 and 15 year old boy?
Almost none. We quickly found that out, and started to lie about our
age. Mike got a lot of "Are you really 16?" questions. We got really good
quickly at smiling and telling them that we were both 16.
We both started at the bottom. We had to take any job that no one else
wanted. Once we got some experience, we went from one job to another as we
found something that paid better. We always gave it our best, since we
really didn't have any choice, like most of the other teenagers working
there. They were working for extra spending money. We were working so we
could still live where we did and make something better out of
ourselves. We always got great references when we did leave.
Adam, Jeff, and Rob finally moved to the west. Their Mom forgave their Dad,
after he tearfully told everyone that my Dad had seduced him. He claimed it
had only happened twice before, and everyone believed him. What a crock of
shit!
Jim, meanwhile, was devastated. He knew he was gay, but he also knew his
father totally hated gays. He couldn't come out to anyone, even with all
the support from school. He was too afraid that his parents would find out
and kill him.
His grades started to suffer, and he got more and more depressed. His was
an only child, and his parents had always given him lots of freedom. Their
choice, not his. They wanted to live their own life, so they left him alone
a lot of the time. That was really fine with Jim. As long as he had Adam,
Jeff, and Rob to pal around with, he was happy, but he knew they would be
gone shortly.
His three best friends in the world finally moved. He at least got to hug
them all goodbye. A lot of tears were shed. Then they were gone. He would
never see them again.
Jim didn't know what to do. He sought out new friends. He did meet a boy he
really liked in his subdivision named Mark that he seemed to really get
close to.
Mark was 16, and already had a car. 1997 Trans Am. GREAT car. His parents
had lots of money. He took a liking to Jim right away. The only problem
was, Mark made a lot of his money selling drugs. He had an almost endless
supply of anything you could ever want. Pot. Speed. Coke. PCP. If you
wanted anything and Mark didn't have it, he could get it for you in a day
or two.
Mark had almost everything he could want. Except looks. Honestly, he wasn't
a very good looking boy. He was overweight, had acne really bad, and didn't
exactly take a shower every time he needed to. He made up for his
insecurity by playing bad boy. Selling drugs made him feel like he had
power over anyone that wanted to buy from him. It made him feel like a big
man.
He really didn't have many friends who really liked him for himself. Jim
was vulnerable. He didn't have any close friends any more. Mark gave him
drugs for free, if he was doing anything himself. Mark shared, trying to
make at least one true friend. Their friendship grew, out of necessity for
Jim.
Jim did enjoy the prestige he got from riding around in Mark's
car. Everyone seemed to recognize the car as they rode around to the places
they visited. He always pretended to be involved when they drove to some
out of the way spot and Mark sold something to one of the crowd. He began
to enjoy his new reputation as a bad boy himself. He started to spend the
night with Mark frequently. They became better and better friends.
Jim always stripped down to his briefs like he always had when he spent the
night with Mark. He had noticed many times Mark looking at his body when he
was like this. Mark always jerked his head away when Jim would look at him,
once he had caught him.
Jim really wasn't attracted to Mark, but he didn't have ANYONE any more to
share his gay side with. He really thought that Mark liked his body, and
took a chance.
Jim was spending the night at Mark's on a Friday night. Mark's parents had
gone to a party, and had told Mark that they were going to spend the night
there. They didn't want to chance getting drunk and having an accident, or
getting a DUI.
They made their usual rounds, and several people made purchases. They
smoked a couple of joints while they drove around, and then smoked one more
when they got back to Mark's house. Jim was feeling really good, and he
decided that now was as good an opportunity as he was going to have with
Mark. He was extremely horny, and needed someone to help him out.
Both boys stripped down to their briefs. Mark kept his t-shirt on, because
he was ashamed of his pot belly. Jim caught him staring at his body once
more. "This is it.", he thought to himself.
He walked up to Mark, and said, "Mark, do you like me?"
Mark got a confused look on his face. "What do you mean? Sure, I like
you. I wouldn't let you hang around me so much if I didn't like you.", he
answered.
Jim continued, "No, I mean to you really like me? More than just friends. I
see you looking at my body all the time. Do you like me a whole lot? I like
you. If you do, we could have lots of fun together. If we both got
naked........"
"What?", Mark yelled loudly. "You think I am gay? You are crazy. I don't
look at your body. I never did. So, you are a little faggot. Get dressed
and get out of my house! I don't want you for a friend any more. I don't
want you coming over here ever again. Now, get your stuff and get out
before I beat the shit out of you.", he screamed.
Jim was mortified. Had he read all the signals wrong? He sure hadn't
thought so. Now, his only friend had turned against him. He did all he
could do. He got dressed as quickly as he could.
"Mark, I am sorry. Maybe I was mistaken. Maybe I thought I saw more in your
looks at me than was true. Don't be mad at me, please.", Jim begged.
"I told you I never looked at your damn body. Now, get out and don't come
back. I mean it. Ever! And you know what? I am going to tell everyone you
are a fag and tried to come on to me. You just wait. You are going to pay
for this. Now, GET OUT!", he yelled.
That scared Jim more than anything. Mark couldn't spread the rumor around
that he was gay. If he did, his Dad would find out. "Mark, I'll leave you
alone from now on, I swear. Just don't tell anyone else. Please!", he
begged.
"I already told you I am going to tell everyone, and I am. Now, get
out. This is the last time I am going to tell you. If you don't, I am going
to beat the shit out of you right here. GO!", he screamed.
Jim didn't have a choice. He hung his head, and walked out the door. It was
late, and he didn't want to have to go home and take the chance of waking
up his parents. He just walked around aimlessly for several hours, and
finally crawled under some bushes in the park to sleep. It wasn't very cold
that night, but he still fell asleep shivering and crying about his
predicament.
The sad part was, Mark was secretly gay. He had been eying Jim's body,
wishing that he could do all kinds of things with Jim. It was his
obsession. He jacked off many nights thinking about seeing Jim in nothing
but his briefs.
When his wish finally came true, he panicked. If they were ever found out,
or if Jim ever told anyone else, his life as "Bad Boy" would be over. He
chose his current life, made up as it was, over a much happier life he
could have had with Jim, who he secretly loved. What is the old saying?
"You hurt the ones you love most." That is exactly what Mark did. He told
everyone who would listen about what had happened.
Jim had former friends coming up to him at school and jeering at him and
calling him names. None of these boys were exactly the type who had gone to
the club meetings. These were the bad boys of the school, who would never
spend another second in school once they were let out for the day. This was
the kind of crowd Jim had been hanging around, and now he had to pay the
price of his decisions. All of the support that was offered to all the
other students through the new club was shut off from Jim, since only the
other part of the kids new he was gay.
A lot of kids had been jealous of Jim, as he rode around with Mark in his
Firebird. Someone finally left a message on his parents telephone recorder,
telling them that Jim was gay. All Hell broke loose that night in his
house. Jim broke down, and admitted he was gay. His Dad all but threw him
out of the house. His mother was more sympathetic than that, but not
much. His parents felt shocked and confused. What had they done to make
their only child gay? Jim felt like no one in the world loved him any more.
If Jim was depressed earlier, this was much worse. Much, much worse. He
couldn't have felt any further down. He started doing heavier and heavier
drugs. Only when he was flying could he get his mind off his problems.
To complicate his problems, he was now heavily addicted to drugs. His
parents didn't know. They now shunned him now more than ever.
Mark refused to sell anything to him. He had to rely on other people to buy
what he needed for him. The only way anybody would agree to help buy the
drugs he now needed to survive was to perform something sexual with
them. He was forced to suck more cocks than anytime in his life. The act
was always accompanied by constant torments of "Eat my big cock, faggot" or
"Suck me, faggot". His self-esteem dropped down to nothing.
(Author's note: One thing has always bothered me. How someone who thinks
they are heterosexual could ever get enjoyment out of forcing someone to
commit a homosexual act with them, where the aggressor enjoys it and comes
away with a smile on his face, but leaves the other person humiliated and
often hurt, amazes me. I know some of the readers of this story must have
faced the same abuse. It happens to teens when they are sent to basically
pre-jail type situations. I know it happens to adults in jail and
prison. It happens all over the country, to all ages. These people that
force themselves on you remain the big, bad guys, who would never be
thought of as homosexual. But, they enjoy the same pleasures as if they
were in a real relationship. Only, they don't have to share. We live in a
strange society.)
Jim's life was now Hell, except when he was high. He took the only road he
thought he had. He had been with Mark so much that he had learned that Mark
had stashed a spare key by the back door. He also knew where Mark kept all
the drugs he regularly sold to all his "friends".
At first, all Jim wanted to do was steal everything, so he would have
anything he needed to support his habit. He watched the house on weekends
from a safe place. He finally saw them loading the family Mercedes with
lots of luggage. More luggage than would be necessary for one night.
He broke in that night when they were gone. It was easy. He knew exactly
where to look. He found what he was after. He got out in less than two
minutes. Everything had worked as planned.
He took the stolen drugs back to his house. His parents were gone, like
usual. He went up to his room, and started sampling his new found toys. He
locked his door, to make sure that no one would come in. He was as
depressed as he had ever been in his life. Now, he was a thief on top of
everything else.
Who knows what happened. Did he accidentally take too much? Did he do it on
purpose? No one knows. All anyone knows is his parents called him the next
morning when he didn't come down to breakfast, and he didn't respond. They
knocked on his door repeatedly, until his father went down stairs and came
back with a nail. It was easy to trip the lock with the nail, and open the
door.
They found their only child laying on his bed, dead for many hours. They
both cried over his lifeless body.
IMPORTANT -- PLEASE READ
Please read this next part. I don't usually ask anything of my readers, but
this is too important not to insist!
(Author's note: All this bad shit really did happen. I made up all about
how Jim went slowly down, but he did die. Matt and Mike think he committed
suicide. No one knows the truth.
To all the teens, NOTHING can be so bad that you should ever think about
this as a solution to your problems. Matt and Mike never did, and you know
they were faced with lots of tough times in their lives. I have met several
gay guys out there through my stories that I talk to almost daily. They
all try to help gay teens in trouble. They don't want anything back in
return, they only want to help. In most cases, like me and Matt and Mike,
they never meet face to face. They help through e-mail and ICQ. Please give
it a try. Suicide is the cowards way out. You still have your whole life
in front of you.
To the gay adults out there, I don't have a clue what you went through
during your struggle to realize you are gay. I'm sure you all have a story
to tell. It probably wasn't pretty. But, you could make a difference in a
kid's life, if you just try to help someone who needs you. That could make
you feel lots better about what you had to go through. Please try.)
A friend provided me with a list of sites that could anyone even thinking
about suicide. Please try one, if you are:
Suicide Prevention Resources US and Canada (limited listing):
AACAP Teen Suicide
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
presents a brochure for the families and friends of
depressed adolescents.
http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/suicide.htm
APA Teen Suicide
American Psychiatry Association pamphlet covers the
warning signs, how to approach a young person, and
books and other references.
http://www.psych.org/public_info/teen.html
Yellow Ribbon Program
Teens, their friends, and family can learn about this
suicide-prevention movement founded by the Light for
Life Foundation International.
http://www.yellowribbon.org/
Youth Suicide Problems
Focus on the problem in the homosexual and bisexual
communities and the role of HIV, highlighted by
Internet surveys and academic studies.
http://www.virtualcity.com/youthsuicide/
Internet Mental Health Services
Find a therapist providing online counseling through
Metanoia's guide, which also discusses the ethic, legal,
and confidentiality issues.
http://www.metanoia.org/
Suicide Prevention - UIUC
Info from the University of Illinois at Urbana
Counseling Center. Includes danger signals, myths
about suicide, and advice on seeking help.
http://www.couns.uiuc.edu/suiprev.htm
Suicide Help
Practical advice for dealing with suicidal feelings.
Hosted by Suicide Awareness Voices of Education.
http://www.save.org/
Community Lifelines
Online brochures cover such issues as dealing with
suicidal thoughts, helping a depressed person, and
coping with grief in the aftermath.
http://www3.sympatico.ca/masecard/
Youth Suicide Prevention Programs
US Department of health gives a detailed picture of the
various strategies, including training, education,
screening, support, and intervention.
http://aepo-xdv-www.epo.cdc.gov/wonder/prevguid/p0000024/p0000024.htm
Notes:
In the US, each community is responsible for setting up its own suicide
prevention and crisis center. In Canada, the suicide phone lines are
subsidized by the provincial (state) level.
To Be Continued
Any reader's comments or criticisms are appreciated. The more comments I
get, the quicker I will forward more chapters. Again, I am trying to tell
the story using actual facts, but I do insert parts of the story that did
not really happen. The boys always give me permission, before I submit my
version. I hope you like this method of telling a story. Any comments can
be sent to fsw99@mindspring.com. The only gratification I really get out of
writing is your comments. I have made good friends out of Matt and Mark,
and could use some more.