Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2015 19:53:18 +0000
From: James <niftyaccount27@yahoo.com>
Subject: Month in Marseille-submission 3

Month in Marseille- Submission 3

To warn everyone, the idea behind this story is that I can write them
quickly and conveniently so each submission is relatively short. If you're
following my other story 'New life with Denholm' then I'm afraid you'll
have to wait until next week until the next submission. Please feel free to
contact me at niftyaccount27@yahoo.com. I love responding to emails and
hearing advice. Enjoy.

28th July, 2016.

I woke up early this morning to the sound of a dog barking aggressively
from a distance. Turns out the neighbours have a British bulldog which,
unfortunately for me, has a tendency to go fucking mental on a morning if
it hasn't eaten. At home, I live close to a railway track, where even old
steam trains occasionally make appearances. I'd synchronised my sleeping
patterns so well at home that I was woken by the sound of the train whistle
at 5:30 every day. I'd then run roughly four miles and then come home for
6:30 and then get ready for school. I know it sounds weird to run on a
morning first thing, but I've got pretty bad anxiety and well, exercise
helps relieve stress and releases endorphins or some shit like that. It's
also useful to stay fit enough to play rugby, and I'm sure you'll know that
this is quite a popular sport in Wales.

I guess you'll want me to describe my appearance a little more. And I'll
begin with the fact that I'm proud of my body, six pack, defined shoulders
and arms, even that weird 'V' pointing down below my belly button that I
hear girls obsess about so much. I'm not hairy in the slightest, well, of
course I'm hairy down there and a little under my arms but I've told you
about that last time.

As far as my facial features and hair colour are concerned, I have dark
brown eyes and brown hair, an average sized nose with a kind of button at
the end and I've been told that I have plump lips and rather long eyelashes
for a guy. This isn't the best thing for me given I have to wear contact
lenses every day, it takes fucking ages to put them in when my eyelashes
get in the way.

Anyway, enough about me, I'll talk about what happened after last night. As
I said, I woke up to the sound of a dog barking, so sat up and opened the
curtains, then quickly shut them again realising I was only wearing my
underwear and didn't want Hatem to peer in and take another photo which he
could use to blackmail me again. I thought about this for a few moments and
then for some reason I opened them again... Maybe I want a repeat of last
night? No. It couldn't happen again, I wouldn't let it. So finally I shut
them again and went into the bathroom to splash my face before going into
the kitchen to grab something to eat.

As I stood next to the sink in the kitchen looking out of the window across
the garden, I heard fumbling noises coming from upstairs, which I then
worked out to be Hatem's room. A few minutes passed as I poured my first
cup of coffee, as Hatem came down the stairs. He froze as he saw me, then
looked away not wanting to make eye contact with me after what happened
last night.  Sensing the awkwardness in the room I spoke up,

"Look Hatem, I'm sorry about last night. You've got to understand that I
can't be doing anything like that with you. But I was wrong to act like I
did. And I'm sorry."

He stayed facing the window and said, "I don't see why we can't do it. You
were wanting to touch me, and I want to do the same, so what's is the harm?
It's not like you are taking advantage."

"Hatem you're twelve for Gods sake, I'm 15! I'm supposed to be looking
after you."

"Nearly thirteen..." He corrected.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here to work, and I don't want what happened last
night to ruin any friendship we could have."

He sighed and looked saddened at my words, still facing away from me and
avoiding eye contact. He didn't answer and didn't seem like he was about
to, instead grabbing a carton of orange juice from the fridge and pouring
himself a glass.

"Hatem..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Whatever."

I didn't know what else to say. I'd planned the whole conversation in my
head so many times the night before and I didn't expect him to be this
blunt with me. He seemed really annoyed, and angry at me.

He took a deep breath and then exhaled, before announcing that he was going
out to play football with his friends in about an hour and that he'd be
back before his grandparents came back at about 12. He then started to walk
out of the room, adamantly refusing to look back at me.

"You not going to eat anything first?" I said.

He carried on and dismissed me, walking out of the room and saying "Je n'ai
pas de faim"(I'm not hungry.)


For the rest of the morning I lazed about the house, unable to prevent
myself thinking about how hard it would be for the next month for two
reasons. Firstly, I had to deal with Hatem and his obvious crush on me and
his willingness to get me to do things with him. And secondly, I had to
prevent myself from doing the exact same and falling for him. I'll admit
now, that I have a weakness when it comes to being dominated by other guys,
and when I was being ordered about last night I had the strangest
satisfaction, and it was all the better that it was coming from such a
beautiful boy as Hatem. I knew it was all harmless fun, and I think he
blackmailed me not with any malicious motive, but rather in an attempt to
engage me into touching him and introducing an intimate relationship
between us. This morning he seemed different to his usual confident
self. And cowered away from me as if he'd embarrassed himself by throwing
himself at me so to speak. Of course I know he's gay, and he knows I am
too, but it just feels so... Wrong to even consider doing anything with
him.


Around half 11 the phone rang, so I answered and was greeted by the voice
of Jac who told me they were about half an hour away and were going to grab
some fresh sandwiches on their way home, so I didn't have to make any lunch
for Hatem or myself. I was partly relived by this, not wanting another
awkward repeat of this morning in the kitchen. I told him what kind of
sandwich I wanted, said goodbye and hung up. As I put the phone down, Hatem
came back to the house and began to take his shoes off at the door, so I
walked to the bottom of the stairs to try and make casual conversation with
him, to combat the tension between us.

"Have a good game?"

Instead of answering me, he picked up his shoes and put them on the rack
next to the door, and headed upstairs without saying a word, although this
time he made the effort to look me in the eye, as if to give me a clear
message that he was pissed off.

"Hatem...?"

Still nothing. He completely ignored me. I let him walk away without going
after him, but my immediate concerns were that his grandparents were going
to notice the tension, especially if Hatem acted like that towards me. Even
worse, what if he told them about last night? About how I let him do what
he wanted instead of keeping to their rules, and that when he went in the
bath, I came in to touch him up. I began to pace backwards and forwards in
the kitchen, fuelled by coffee and fear of being found out. Was he pissed
off enough to do something like that?

I must have been thinking and worrying for at least twenty minutes before I
heard the sound of the latch on the gate outside being pulled open, they
were home. I heard movement again from Hatem's room upstairs; he must have
seen the car from the window. He then rushed downstairs and sat on the
bottom step as the front door swung open and his grandparents came
inside. I walked around to greet them too, although I waited for Hatem to
hug them and talk to them first. I was sweating as I feared the worst- that
he'd tell them about last night and I'd be shipped back off to Wales or
even arrested. It turned out that he didn't say anything like that, and
instead talked generally about what he'd been up to, excluding our busy
night.

Jac looked at me and shook my hand.

"Thank you again Lewis for looking after him. I hope he wasn't much
trouble."

Hatem then spoke as he put his arm around my waist, "we had a good time."

"Is this true?" Jac asked, smiling.

"Yeah we did. And he was no trouble."

I was so confused that Hatem was all of a sudden being so nice. Half an
hour ago he hated me. Now he was hugging me in front of his grandparents. I
guess he'd forgiven me after all.

Jac and Agnès went back outside to grab their suitcases and bags, and as
they did so I looked over at Hatem who in turn looked at me.

"So you forgive me?."

"Fuck off." He said, making sure Jac didn't hear, and then he walked
outside after him to help with the shopping.

Jesus. He really was pissed off. And I can't actually believe he swore at
me like that. I wasn't annoyed he did it, I was hurt... He hugged me before
to keep up appearances for his grandparents, and it seemed he now was just
going to direct abuse at me because I said no to him. I couldn't exactly
tell on him for swearing at me, I think he had a little more on me that I
did on him.

We all ate lunch together at the wooden table outside, with a warm breeze
passing over us as we talked and laughed together. I occasionally looked
over at Hatem sitting opposite me, and whenever we made eye contact he made
sure not to give me any positive looks, unless, of course, Jac or Agnès
were looking. I stayed quieter than usual, mainly because I was sad at how
Hatem was being with me. I wanted to be friends with him, and I wanted to
talk to him properly like we had yesterday, but now it seemed impossible.

I volunteered to wash up as they relaxed and Hatem again headed upstairs to
play on his playstation. I went to find a tree to lean against as I read
one of the books I'd brought over from the UK, and read for a few hours
before it was time for dinner, which Agnès had prepared. She'd made a
cheesy pasta dish with home made garlic bread, and fuck it was
delicious. You can always rely on the French for good food huh?

Again though, there was still tension between myself and Hatem, this time
he didn't look at me in the eyes at all throughout the meal and instead
stayed quiet before Agnès asked him,

"Ça va Hatem?" (Are you ok Hatem?)

"Non, Je suis tombé avec un de mes amis. Je ne pense pas que nous en
reparlerons." (I have fallen out with one of my friends. I don't think we
will speak again.)

I glanced up at him, knowing he was talking about me, and gave him an
apologetic look, by which he responded with an unfazed expression back at
me.

Oblivious to the hidden message, Agnès spurted out some advice about how
he'll make up with them eventually, and in the meantime he had me to hang
around with.

"Peut-être."(maybe) he said, looking at me again with a cold unchanged
expression.

Again I offered to wash up, but Jac insisted I should go and enjoy the last
few hours of my Sunday as I would be working the next day. I headed to the
garage and ran a bath, where I lie now, writing this entry.