Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:17:18 -0400
From: Sean E <ekidky@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Road of Lifes Discoveries - Ch 2

Discoveries on My Journey of Life
EKidKy - :o)

Disclaimer: If you really don't think you should be here, then dont go any
further.  Thats all I'm going to say on the matter, because this has its
own merrits to stand with who it may (or may not) help along the way...

----------------

--- Chapter Two ---

Another strech of my life started when I reached the 7th grade, at a time
when I was changing - physically, mentally, emotionally, all those things
that tweens and teens go through at some point when they're entering or
essentially beginning puberty. I say physically because unlike most of the
kids growing up around me in my class and stuff, their voices were
changing, and their physical appearance was all but unnoticeable.  They
were getting taller, their arms and legs getting more hair, their bodies
changing and looking stronger, more muscular.  Although it would not happen
to some for another year or more, there were several in my class that it
did start, and even for those who didn't exhibit things immediatly, it was
the subtle changes you could pick up on.  All of use were growing up,
changing from that "kid" state, advancing into something more.
	For me, however, it was different.  To say I was a late bloomer,
physically, was an understatement. When I was 10 I grew a little in height,
sort of following the others, but then I stopped.  It's like I started
developing, and someone just pulled the plug, you know, turned the switch
off.  At first I didn't mind it that much, but being the small skinny runt
to start with, at some point the others were overtaking me.  That had both
advantages and disadvantages for anyone, but remember - I was the bookworm;
I didn't get into cars and hunting and fishing and stuff like the other
guys.  Part of that I think is because most of them had Dad's around who
sort of instilled it on them, like passing a father-to-son heritage or
something. I didn't have that. Oh, Dad came down and took me fishing some
out on the lake a few times, but for the most part, he lived in southern
Wisconsin, and his visits were not regular.  I can say though, he never
faltered on visiting, and many times he paid airfare to fly me from
Louisville to Madison, just so I could spend a week with him a couple of
times throughout the year.
	Still, I missed out on some of those things that define male
bondings or whatever. The school's FFA held nothing for me, mostly because
becoming a future farmer of America just, well, wasn't in my future.
Thankfully though, neither were things like FHA (Future Homemakers of
America) or other girl-ish organizations and classes.  I only belonged to
one club, an honor roll club, which eventually became our school's Beta
club.  My grades were easily B and better - not perfect, because I did have
trouble - a lot of trouble, believe it or not - with classes like English
and social studies.  Yeah, English - and here I am writing, and loving to
write for that matter, but it was often one of my hardest subjects!  Math,
history, science - those were my best subjects, the ones I liked the most,
and in the end it showed.  Not exactly straight-A's there, but pretty
close.
	It was in the 7th grade though that I finally let my guard down a
little, came out of my shell some.  There was a new kid in school who
started at the end of the previous year, but no one had much gotten a
chance to know him any.  His name was Cody Allen J., or C.J. as some people
called him.  His parents started going to our church during the summer, and
I got friendly enough to at least say hi a few times.  By the end of
summer, we even started sitting next to each other during church, and that
was kind of cool. Not really a close relationship, but you know, something
that sort of broke the ice for both of us.  One day my mom was talking
after church and she casually mentioned maybe Cody could come over
sometime. I remember thinking 'Huh?', not saying anything mind you, but it
just seemed odd; I never had friends come over any, really.  I remember
Cody's mother smiling and saying 'Maybe...' - and it was like a whole new
thump landed in my chest!  The next Sunday, a couple of weeks before school
started, we just got out of service again, when Cody's mom flagged down
mine, and after talking for a brief moment, the next thing I knew, he was
in the car with us heading home!
	Although that might sound trite and simple to some people, you have
to understand the impact it made on me at that time of my life.  He was my
first, true friend, someone who seemed to be a lot like me: shy, quiet, not
exactly skinny or a runt like me, but still - far from pudgy or anything.
He was a little taller, yeah - but when we were together, it didn't really
matter to me, I didn't feel like I was carnning to look up at him or
anything.  He looked good - I mean, I wasn't assessing or sizing him up for
anything so much, other than just noticing he didn't have the arms to
pulvarize me, and he was nothing, I mean n-o-t-h-i-n-g like some of the
butt-ugly creeps, jocks or skin-heads around school (as I called them then,
although I later learned it wasn't a polite thing to do)! All in all, he
had maybe and inch or so on my 5'3" frame then, but otherwise we really
looked a lot alike physically, well, mostly anyway. He didn't wear glasses,
and whereas my hair was brown and straight, his was a darker color - not
black, but like a deep brown I guess, and crew cut.
	At that time that was about all I paid attention to when it came to
noticing physical stuff for people, especially guys, but it was a lot more
than I had noticed before.  A few months earlier I had watched the all
important video, the 'Taps!' movie, and yeah, I had started being curious a
little and stuff, but I also was still having those confusing feelings -
not so much like the ones that made you question if you were gay or
anything - more like just the ones that made you feel like it was wrong, or
at least, not right.  I passed all of that to the back of my head though
when Cody and I first started getting to know one another. That Sunday was
spent mostly indoors - it had been raining off and on all day, so going
outside was almost out of the question - especially since he didn't have
anything but his church clothes with him. I did loan him one of my bigger
tshirts, which he wore quite well, and we mostly played video games and
Stratego, one of the few board games I had that I really, really
liked. Late in the day, we took him home, and to my sadness, I watched him
disappear inside as Mom backed out of the driveway.  The rest of that
evening I spent in my room, no TV, no books, no anything really... I just
sat and looked out my window to the world, thinking how much fun it had
been, how cool it had been to have some company, a friend for a change;
someone who didn't try to be all macho or anything, or brag about stuff
that guys sometimes do.
	Fortunately it wasn't the last visit he made.  Although he didn't
come very often, when school began every 3-4 weeks we repeated the Sunday
visits, both of us visiting the other. I came to find out, through y visits
to his house, that his parents (and older sister) were pretty strict on
some things.  They were the type you might have called religious nuts, in a
sense, as they took to it a lot more than what it seemed me or my mom
did. That is, except for Cody. He was like me, I think. I also learned Cody
had never been to anyone's house before much, mostly because his mom was
really overprotective of both him and his sister.  In fact, at one point
late in the fall, almost 6-7 weeks went by before she let Cody come back
over again, always saying it wasn't a good time, or they had other plans.
I didn't doubt her, but I really was disappointed though, and Cody knew it.
We saw each other at school, and talked a lot sometimes, but he stayed away
from subjects talking about his family or anything. I always got the
impression he didn't understand them as much as I didn't at times.
	Some of that changed right in early November that year though.  It
had not really turned that cold, being late in the fall as it was, but it
was definitely cool there at the foothill of the mountains I guess. The
leaves were just beginning to change, and the that particular week, we were
in P.E. on a Friday that had turned brutally cold and wet outside. The
inside gym was filled with a lot of loud noises from different groups,
separated across different areas carrying on one activity or another. Cody
and I happened to end up in the same group one day, playing dodge ball on
one end of the court. Since there were so many of us, we had to share the
floor time, rotating teams within the groups, and Cody and I also ended up
on the same team - something that was kind of rare for some reason or
another.  It was near the end of 4th period, and the coach was getting
ready to blow the whistle any moment for us to get dressed and ready for
lunch.
	At one point, one of the dodge balls had popped off of someone,
arcing over our team as we sat on the bleachers, and reaching the top row
it came down and settled in place at the end.  Cody and I were the closest,
and we had been talking a little about different things, but we stopped
when we saw the ball soar over our heads.  I got up and climbed up the
bleachers, getting near the ball at the end to toss it back down to the
floor.  I stooped and started to turn around to give it a good throw, but
somehow slipped.  My left foot went out from under me and burried itself
inside the bleacher brace, and down I went, much to the laughter of
everyone watching at the time.  I didn't go down on top of the bleacher
though, but instead twisted and caught my whole left leg into the railing
underneath the row in front of me, making me cry out in pain.
	Cody was the first one to reach me, and a moment later coach
noticed something going on, having missed the whole initial scene, and came
running up the seats two at a time till he was by my side, pulling me up
and out so I could get disentangled. To say it hurt was an understatement -
I could have cursed, I mean really really cursed bad - again; how I kept
from it I honestly have no clue.  Cody was trying to help hold me up, the
only kid at all who was trying to help me, and when coach motioned, they
both carried me to the bottom of the bleachers and lay me down gently on
the bench.  Coach blew his whistle and told everyone to get dressed, and
reluctantly it seemed, everyone started breaking up and heading back to the
dressing rooms.  Cody wasn't sure if he should - he wanted to stay, for
sure - and thankfully for whatever reason the coach didn't seem to mind. He
actually enlisted Cody to help hold me steady while he examined my leg.  I
looked down and saw several scratches, scars and bruises, one even bleeding
from a cut.  The coach examined them closely, but the most painful part was
when he touched around my knee - it was excruciating.  He frowned, and I
could hear him swear under his breath before he retreated and stood up.
Pointing to Cody, he instructed him to go get the school nurse and bring
her to the gym.  Cody went running, and I was left there with coach as he
attended to a couple of students who had lagged behind, hurrying them
along.
	After a time, kids were coming back out of the dressing rooms
slowly but surely, and starting to gather around me, or at least on the
floor, waiting to be allowed to head to the lunch room. I was mostly
oblivious to them as I just lay there, biting my lip and letting the sting
seep away, catching my breath more and more.  Soon Cody was back with the
school nurse, who immediately squatted by my side and started to feel
around various parts of my leg, much more gingerly than the coach, checking
I guess for broken bones or what have you.  As he stood nearby, we all
overheard him muttering again under his breath, something to the extent I
shouldn't be so clumsy, or some such phrase.  When the nurse heard it, all
too plainly she rounded on him on the spot in front of everyone, and quite
heatedly told him "Shush your mouth!  Don't even try pinning this on him or
anyone else... I've told you for years these bleachers aren't the safest
thing to be had in here!"
	One look from him said it all - he knew when to bite his lip and
tuck his tail, so instead of standing there looking foolish he started
sending everyone up to the cafeteria for lunch. I think Cody was
considering going and changing then - as he had not yet dressed back into
his normal clothes.  I actually watched the indecision cross his face, and
was going to say something whe the nurse turned to him and said "COme on,
let's get him upstairs."  They both helped me up, and with one arm around
each shoulder I winced as I slowly trudged out the gym door and back up the
steps to the inner school hallway.  We made our way through the halls and
got to the nurses office, but passed it and went near the front, finally
sitting on a bench outside the main office.  She told us both to wait there
before disappearing inside.  Cody and I looked at each other, but said
nothing as we sat there, me propped up sideways on the bench, waiting to
see what was going to happen next, and he just amused or something, I
guess, at not having to go back to class yet.  After only moments though,
she came back with her coat and keys dangling in one hand, and a folder in
the other, followed by whom I recognized as one of the two school janitors,
a big and broad shouldered black guy, one who was always nice to everybody
it seemed, although a lot of the kids purposefully ignored him.  Without a
word, he leaned down and picked me up - surprisingly gently but with ease -
and carried me toward the door leading outside.  Both Cody and the nurse
followed, and soon I was taken out and placed in a minivan.  Once I was
situated, she looked at me and explained, "I don't think anything is really
wrong, but your knee is swelling and it's obviously sprained, so we're
going to take you down and get it x-rayed, just to be safe, thats all."  By
'the we part, I soon realized she was bringing Cody with us, and THAT made
me feel a LOT better, mostly because it meant I didn't have to go alone.  I
nodded, then she closed the side door and proceeded to go around front and
get in.  Cody climbed in the passenger seat in front beside her, and as
soon as everything was situated, we headed off.
	As I've said before, it's a small town, and we didn't really have
what you would call a big hospital.  It had some rooms I figured to keep
people overnight if they needed to, but it was more like just a medical
ward, you know, like an emergency center.  The nearest "real" hospital was
probably in Lexington, about an hour or so away, but thats only my best
guess because I had never (insofar as I know) had to go to one.  Mom has
went to the hospital a few times to visit friends or people who had gotten
badly sick, but I never went with her.
	So, in our little town, it didn't take us long before we arrived,
and as she parked the nurse told both of us to just wait.  She got the van
stopped near the entrance, then disappeared inside as she went to get help.
Soon a couple of orderlies (for lack of a better word) appeared and helped
me get out of the van and onto a stretcher/table thingy.  I started to feel
more embarrassed than anything about that time then, mostly because all of
a sudden I sort of started feeling, I don't know, like I was semi-naked or
something.  I mean, we (both Cody and I) were still dressed in t-shirts and
athletic shorts, and it was cold outside - I mean really, really turning
cold. The rain had stopped for a bit, but the dampness left the air with an
even bigger chill than usual.  At one point Cody was beside me as I was
being wheeled inside, and I noticed at one point how he very subtley
reached down and pulled down the edge of my shorts.  He winked at me, and I
came to figure out later my underwear had been showing - quite a bit,
actually - so he was trying to "help" me, I guess.  I remember grimacing
and then turning my head away, trying to hide my embarassement.
	Inside, I was taken back to an examining room, or emergency room,
or SOME kind of room that even though was clean, to me it was TOO clean -
the smell of amonia an dother hospital smells was enough to make anyone
sick.  I always thought that was funny - the fumes could make one sick in a
place you were suppose to be getting better in, as weird as that was.
Anyway, both the nurse and Cody stayed with me while I was transferred onto
a table and then soon someone showed up at the door and asked about who
would do the paperwork; the nurse - our school nurse (whom I cannot
remember her name anymore, sorry), disappeared outside for a few minutes,
leaving me and Cody alone, who was watching me from across the room,
leaning against the wall.  I looked back at him and swallowed before
declarting in a hushed voice, "You know, I won't bite man, and thanks for
while ago..."  He blushed, but then came over and stood beside me.  After a
moment, he asked, "You okay?"
	I remembered nodding, but the truth was I didn't feel okay, I felt
nervous, almost scared.  I wondered where my mom was and what was going to
happen next. It wasn't long before I got the answer to one of those as a
kind of middle-aged doctor entered followed by both our school nurse and
another one.  He came right over to my table, shook my hand and introduced
himself, with a name I couldn't even try to pronounce, yet alone spell it
here; it was funny, because it sounded like a foreign name, but yet he
didn't look like a foreign doctor at all.  Still, he started examining me
as he spoke.  "Well, Sean, how are youdoing? I heard you took a little
tumble today, hmm?"  I nodded, dumbstruck mostly, just watching as he
started probing around the upper part of my calf and moving right into the
area of my knee. It was tender, even hurting bad at times, but I was
determined not to cry or say anything if I could keep from it. He finally
finished doing his thing, but not before grilling me off and on with
questions like if this hurt or did I feel that.  "Probably doesn't feel so
good, does it?" Again I nodded in response, still dumbstruck, I guess as he
turned to his assistant and ordered some xrays, then disappeared back out
the door.
	Now, I had never had an xray done before that I could ever remeber,
other than the ones they took of my mouth a couple times, so I wasn't
ignorant to what it was.  Still, it was a new experience and one which, I
guess if I had had a little more control over I wouldn't have minded
plunging into the adventure it. But I felt helpless, and when everyone left
the room leaving me and Cody once again alone, he looked at me and I guess
he sensed something. "You sure your okay?" he asked.
	I didn't answer right away, just kind of looking around. He added,
"Ever had an xray before?" I nodded a little just this big machine was
rolling in through the door, and I mean BIG machine, being pushed by a
black man grinning from ear to ear. "Hi thar, how'r y'all?"  I smiled
weakly but I didn't say anything, and he just nodded and wheeled the thing
right over to me.  He and another guy who I just then noticed must have
followed him in the room, proceeded to lift and move me into a position
where they could slide the thing in place, taking whatever images they were
going to take.  He looked at Cody and asked him to just stand outside for a
minute, that he shouldn't be in there when the machine was doing it's
thing. Cody nodded and walked out, leaving me alone to ... what?
	In the end it really was a piece of cake, and in no time flat when
it was over, I was back to my normal position, except this time the guy had
elevated the bed up to let me sit more comfortably.  Cody and the school
nurse came back in and we waited probably another 30 minutes or so.
Finally the doctor came back in and explained to the three of us everything
was fine, but I was going to need to stay off the leg for a couple of days,
and take some medication for aches and pain - I really had some tendons
bruised, and it would not do me any good to be walking on it for the next
24-hours or so.  He gave instructions to the hospitatl nurse there to get
me a brace and some medicine samples for a couple days, and to clean up the
scars before they let me go home.
	It took almost an hour to do those things before I was finally
wheeled outside in a wheelchair, leg stretched forward not straight out,
but definitely not bent in any shape or form.  Cody helped me get beack
into the van, but instead of getting back in the passenger seat up front,
he climbed in beside me and sat on the floor.  The nurse got in and got us
back to school without incident, and the adventure seemed like it might be
over, but the truth of it all is that it was just the beginning...
	I go into all these details for a reason because I want to try and
convey what it was like for me that day.  Before it was over, Cody and I
were going to build this bond, the friendship between us that was oh so
special, so magical I guess, and none of it - zero, zilch, zip - was
planned in any way whatsoever.  Certainly not by me, and even now, 10 years
older, I don't think it ever occurred to him we would do the things we did.
It was kind of like just a natural thing for us, for me.  Remember, Cody
and I had been friends for a while now, and although his parents were
pretty strict, we still got to enjoy each others company some.  I honestly
think it meant as much to him as it did me; he was a little bigger, or at
least more in tune physically with the other guys in class. They didn't
look down on him any, didn't pick on him as much as they did other kids.
Plus, I don't think he was someone to take lightly; even though his sister
is a year older, I saw him take up for her once out in the parking lot one
day. She was being harassed by some jerks for whatever reason, and by the
time I got there to see anything or help, it was over. I watched as my
friend and his sister walked away, and let me join them, like all was okay
again.  I found out though two jerks came within an inch of having their
asses handed to them - by Cody. So whether or not he could do it didn't
matter - he gave everyone the impression he could, as someone you didn't
want to mess with.
	And that was funny to me; in all the times I had been around him,
he was nothing like that to me. He was the shy kid, the quiet kid, the guy
that was always so open and passive I guess. To me he was just cool, and
when we became friends, I considered it a gift, a blessing; like someone in
heaven must like me, you know, THAT kind of thing!  We were so much alike -
we liked reading, some comic books (but not a lot of them), science
fiction, bike riding, and other stuff too.  And this - THIS guy - was my
friend, perhaps the first true friend I had ever made in the world to stand
by himself, no parents or adults really trying to play matchmaker or
anything. I never thought of him as someone I loved - not that I would have
been afraid of the notion, because I believe boys can love boys without sex
or gay stuff involved, you know?  If brothers can love one another (well,
if they can ever admit it anyway), just because there is a bonding there,
why can't two close friends be the same way?  Still, I never thought much
about this stuff with me and Cody - for us, we were just two peas in a
pod. We liked each other, we had fun, and we talked.  I didn't know what
was going to happen that night - there is no way I could have ever even
guessed it then, but it did happen - and it happened because of who we were
and what we were becoming - two of the best friends you could possibly ever
imagine.
	When the nurse got out of the van and came around to the door, she
stopped Cody as he got out.  "Go to the gym, get both yours and his things,
then come up to my office, okay?"  Looking at me, she asked "Whats your box
number?"  Every kid who took PE had a shoebox-like cubby holes in the walls
of the dressing rooms, we stored our everyday clothes when we dressed out
for PE, and which stored our PE clothes the rest of the time.
	"Uh, C-140," I replied.  Cody nodded and took off.  We had never
dressed out together - his assigned bunker, as we called it, was on the
other end of the dressing room from mine; still, he probably knew where to
find it pretty easily.
	"Will you be alright waiting here a little bit, or do you want to
come inside?  It won't take me long, I'm going to go call your parents and
see if I can just take you home.  Do you know when your mother will be in?
I tried a little while ago, but there was no answer..."
	I thought about that a second, remembering it was Friday, and I
knew she only worked a half-day every-other Friday. I was pretty sure this
was the one she was off early so I told her, and said she would probably be
home by now unless she stopped at the grocery or something.  The nurse
nodded and waited.  It took me a second to realize she was waiting for my
answer, so I told her I would be okay.  She nodded, closed the door and
went inside.
	In a way, I was glad - heck, we were getting out of school for the
rest of the day!  Well, at least I was, I didn't know if Cody would be or
not. That AND it was the weekend, so that made it even better! I sat there,
not as cold as I expected I would have been at the moment, just watching
out the window as dark clouds started rolling in from the northwest.  After
a time, I jumped, startled when the door opened up again, and Cody jumped
in, closing it quickly and shivering from the dampness.  He was still in
his PE clothes too, and he was holding a bag that had both of our
belongings together, along with our backpacks.  "Guess what?" he asked as
he settled in beside me.
	"Uh... I dunno, what?"
	"We're going home to your house!  They got hold of your mom, and
then I called home to ask if I could come over a while!  Dad was there and
said it was fine!"  He was grinning ear-to-ear as he said it, and he was
excited, enough so it made me exclaim "Awesome!"  I think I was just as
happy as he was. Something else though gave me a stir as well, though not
intentional, it still had an effect on me however slight it was.  See,
while they were gone, I had extended my sore leg, since the brace made it
really hard to bend much, across the open space between and into the front
passenger-side seat.  Cody, getting in, saw that at first and then just
tossed our stuff in the back, climbing in next to me and sitting in the
open spot left on my bench - well, what little was left of the it anyway.
Still in our PE clothes, our legs - my right and his left - could not help
but come together as he even sat on me a little. For some reason or
another, I just thought it was so cool.  I remember thinking that was
weird, and I didn't want to move, but after a few seconds, I did scoot over
as much as I could to give him a little more room.  He took the extra
space, but slid right up next to me - and yeah, I have to admit, that funny
feeling inside of me that was warming up some in the coldness there, made
it all go away; I didn't feel so cold at the moment, I felt, well... good.
	I didn't have much time to think on it afterwards though; he turned
around and pulled our coats out of the back, which we put on to keep as
warm as we could.  Just as we finished, the driver's door opened and there
she was, hopping back in and shivering herself.  She was carrying an
assortment of stuff in her arms and as she got in and glanced back, she
grunted and put the most of it between the front seats, leaving me to keep
my leg settled.  She adjusted the rear-view mirror yet again and then,
looking at us, explained. "You two can get you assignments next week.  None
of the teachers are going to give you any trouble."  Inwardly, we were
elated, although we doubted there would have been much to contend with
anyway.  Our school pretty much avoided homework on Friday's, for the
obvious reasons.




	With a little help and guidance from the both of us, we were at my
house within minutes after leaving school, and as she pulled up in the
driveway, she seemed genuinely surprised how close by I actually lived,
commenting she seldom came out in this direction.  Why it surprised her, I
had no idea, but at the time I didn't think nothing of it I guess.  We
pulled up behind Mom's car, and I saw Mom looking out the kitchen window as
we parked.  Within seconds, she was out the front door and hurrying over to
the van as Cody and I worked on getting out.  Everything as it was, the sky
chose that moment to start letting loose big drops of rain, first as a
sprinkle, but the distant thunder rumbling told us all we needed to know.
With both Cody's help and our nurse, I got out of the van and started
heading for the porch as quickly as we could.  Mom somehow saw our stuff in
the back seat and grabbed what she could, before closing the door and
running behind us.  Just as we reached the porch, it started raining
harder, and with Mom only a few steps behind us, we rushed, laughing until
we were under the cover and safety of the porch. We never got really wet,
but it somehow felt ten degrees colder, probably because we did get damp,
and the air just seemed to cool even more around us.
	As we went inside, Mom was full of questions, all of which the
nurse (I wish I could remember her name!)(and no, i don't want to make one
up! :-P) answered, reassuring her that everything was fine, that the brace
was only temporary, and reiterating what the doctor had said about staying
off of it for a couple days at least.  At some point both women just
started chatting about "other" stuff, like women sometimes do, and I turned
to Code and asked if he was ready to go upstairs and dry off.  He sotrt of
whispered "I thought you would never ask!" and then took my arm around his
shoulder and helped me over and up the steps.  I noticed her watching for a
second, but we were doing fine, so they went back to their gaabbing; Cody
and I worked our way upstairs.
	Once there we turned into my room and he helped me over to my bed,
where I promptly sat down on the rail and told him to go to the hall closet
and get us out two big towels.  He did as he was instructed, but not
without taking a quick break to use the bathroom, which I remember hearing
faintly in the distance down the hall.  He returned quickly though, and
before long we had our jackets off and drying the wetness from our hair.
It was cold in my room though, and even though I turned on the little space
heater, it would take some time before it started to warm up.  Mom, not
having been home all day, did not have a fire going downstairs yet, so we
sort of sat on the bed shivering for a moment.
	I looked at Cody and whispered "You cold?"  He returned my gaze and
nodded; I then told him to Close my door, which he did without hesitation.
He knew this was my floor, and I had most of my privacy to myself up here,
but I also think we both knew that once the nurse left, my Mom would
probably pounce on me pretty quick to check things out for herself.
Pointing at my dresser, I told him, "Open that drawer on the right",
indicating one of the big drawers near the bottom.
	Having been here before, he already knew what was there; we had
shared my clothes most Sunday's after church, which allowed us to not be so
careful when playing ball or whatever.  He reached into the drawer and
pulled out two long tshirts, tossing me one of them. I might have hesitated
for a fraction of a second, but then just peeled my shirt off in front of
him - which was another first for me - and tugged the clean one on in its
place.  For the second time that day, though, it happened - that little
thing between us, something so slight you don't really expect or see it
coming, but when its there - when it happens - it gives you that little
tingle in the bottom of your belly.  He had hesitated too, I think, but
then just did the same, pulling his shirt off, up and over his head,
semi-facing me, and tugging the other one it its place.  And yeah, I
watched, I guess curiosity getting the better of me.  For the first time, I
saw him, like really close, moreso than I ever had before; I saw his chest
and belly, his navel and shoulders, and I saw that ultimately he was a lot
like me. And whats more, for the first time, it sort of registered in my
mind again - he did it, he trusted me.
	That might not seem like a lot to some people, but this is my
"first", really my only "best" friend, you know? At least, he was the first
I really counted as such.  Even moreso, standing next to the dresser and
looking in the drawer deeper, he asked, "Uh, you got any sweats or
something?"  I was like, duh, why didn't I think of that too?
	"Next drawer down," I answered, and he opened it to find all my
sweats.  Pulling two out, he tossed me one of them and then started taking
and kicking his shoes off.
	I think I was truely paralyzed then to the spot; my mouth could
have been hanging open, time could have stood still, I don't know.  I just
sat there - for the second time that day, like a dumbstruck idiot.  There
wasn't a lot I could do anyway without some help, and I wasn't sure if I
should even watch or not, but watch I did. He went over to the door and
made sure it was closed, and in what seemed like slow motion to me, he
hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts and push them down,
turning slightly to face me and twisting as he pulled them off his
feet. Now, I had subtly watched other guys in gym as they changed clothes,
but never anything like what I was doing now.  He grabbed the side of the
bed at one point for support, as he kicked the last foot free. I watched
them go down, trying to keep my face as expressionless as I could; I saw
the briefs, and in the shadows I saw the outlines of him, of everything
that fell below the front of the tshirt he was now wearing.  I was
mesmerized, my heart could have stopped; and as he pulled the sweats on, I
suddenly felt ashamed.  I finally realized he was watching me watch him,
and I just dropped my head.  I couldn't think of anything to say or do, and
I just started getting kind of scared and ashamed.
	He came over and stood beside me, and when I didn't look up or
anything, punched my shoulder. "You alive?"
	I giggled, and nodded, but I still couldn't say anything, couldn't
really look at him even for fear of what my face would betray.  He knew
though, he knew I had been watching, and he probably saw the look on my
face anyway.  The look that must have been like Jeremy's so many years
before; the look that had made me feel so uncomfortable.  Cody wasn't like
that though, and I wasn't Jeremy. Instead, Cody did something for me that
made it all right - he punched me again and just said, "Here, let's figure
out how to do this for you," and he began helping me up and turning me
around, swinging my feet out to the floor.  I did as I was bidden, no words
or anything, I didn't trust myself yet; he helped hold me steady, and I did
as he had done, I hooked my thumbs and dropped my shorts to the floor.  I
sat back down with his help though, and he came around in front, pushing my
shorts off my feet and away, then threaded my sweats one leg at a time over
my feet. At first I didn't think he was going to look at me; he was really
looking away or down at my feet - even though I was totally open to him.
It almost felt like my whole heart was thumping so hard it could jump out
of my chest.  This was the first real "intimate" thing, if thats what you
want to call it, I had ever shared with him, and somehow that started to
make me feel worse.  But then he did it: as he helped work the sweats up
over my knee brace and legs, he lookaed at me up and down, everywhere,
measuring me and sizing me up I guess.  And he didn't hide it from me, he
knew I could see him, and the more he looked around at me, helping me at
the same time, the more my tension and everything eased and seeped out of
me. In the end, he looked in my eyes and smiled, and said "Cool".  That was
to ME he said cool, and there was no way on earth it could have been about
anything else than the obvious!  I was ecstatic, and all I could do was
grin back in relief as he helped me stand up once more and grabbed the rest
of my sweats and pull them up.  I finally found my voice a little, and I
whispered to him, "I'm sorry Cody."
	"Bout what?" he replied, then not even waiting for an answer, he
helped me lay back down on the side of the bed, and then he pulled the bean
bag up close on the floor before plopping down, sitting right next to
me. He was grinning at me, and I finally let it go, the grin becoming too
infectious. I couldn't help but tell him, "Thanks, man, you're my best
friend, you know that?"
	"Yeah, your mine too Sean."
	I might have thought that was the end of the adventure right there;
what transpired in those few moments and worked through my mind, it would
have fed me with something warm inside for a long time.  Even now, thinking
back, it still does; but to be honest, even after all of this. that night,
that moment, was still just beginning - there was more coming, a lot more
coming.  As I look back, I see in my eyes now what I should have understood
a lot sooner then than I did; Cody was so much like me, in so many ways. He
needed my companioship as much as I needed his, I think, because he was
curious too... Although it would be a few hours later that night before I
found out how much so...

--------------

Thus ends another chapter.  I think I can hear the groans coming out of
those who are reading; some are probably saying hurry up, while others
might be okay with it I guess.  As I stated before though, I have a lot to
tell, probably 3-4 experiences I had growing up: what I was thinking, what
I felt inside, how and why I felt the way I did, why it confused me
sometimes, and more.  And I want to do it right, and I want to do my best,
cause the way I figure it, maybe, just maybe I'm not the only one out there
who ever had these feelings of being so alone.  Maybe someone else did too,
and maybe this will help them.  I hope so, anyways.  As always, I wish you
all the best.  Comments to EKidKy@hotmail.com if you want.