Date: Sat, 28 May 2005 00:32:39 -0400
From: Jay Kool <jaykool74@hotmail.com>
Subject: My So Called Life - Chapter 17
"My So Called Life" -- Chapter Seventeen by Jay Kool (jaykool74@hotmail.com)
Before you jump to conclusions based on the title, it's not
completely what you may think.
"Life without David"
--------------
I could tell that my mother was exhausted but she wouldn't leave me
on my own in a waiting room. She probably reasoned out somehow that if I
heard the worst possible news about David that she would definitely have to
be there for me.
The doctors and nurses finally relented after I persistently begged
and pleaded with them to let me see David for hours. You see since David
was in the intensive care unit recovery area, only family was allowed to
visit, and boyfriends do not count as family. I wished I could say that
David couldn't feel any pain and that he was resting peacefully without any
complications or problems, but I can't. After I drifted to sleep against
my will, his heart stopped beating and I was torn from my sleep by the
greatest fear I ever felt in my life. The boy I loved more than life
itself seemed to be fading before my eyes and dying. There was nothing I
could do and that was apparent when I was rushed out of the room as they
used a defilibrator to bring David back to life. This must have caused
intense pain due to his five broken ribs. He also had to be operated on
again to stop bleeding that occurred from an incision that wasn't sewn up
correctly. The forty-eight hours came and went and David was still not
awake. It was hard to tell if he was even alive with all of the machines
and tubes that were hooked up to him.
With all of the medical aliments that were torturing David, it was
tearing me apart inside and tormenting my mind. I kept asking myself what
if questions causing the worst scenarios in my thoughts. I eventually
reasoned out that if he remained in a coma state or in a vegetable state
the rest of his life that it could be worse than dying, because he'd lose
me as much as I'd lose him. He'd no longer have the chance to tell me
goodbye, feel my kiss, or be held by my embrace. He'd never know that his
mom accepted him as he was and was extremely proud of her son. He'd never
get to go sky diving, cliff gliding, bungee cord jumping, or compete in
mountain bike races as he always talked about doing someday. He is so
brave and adventurous compared to me. I'm still amazed that he loves me as
much as I love him.
I cried so much today that I don't know if it is physically
possible for me to cry anymore. My mother and the hospital staff
acknowledged that I was not leaving David anytime soon, so they wheeled
another bed in for me to sleep in. I couldn't eat and I really couldn't
sleep; I guess passed out from exhaustion and that was mistaken for rest.
I spent each moment with David until he was taken out of the ICU ward,
which ended up being six days.
My mother made a deal with my teachers and the school district
allowing me to miss school, but I was still to be responsible for taking
the quarterly exams. I guess she explained that I already knew most of the
material due to attending the private school in Chicago since kindergarten.
She let me miss an additional day of school to catch up sleep, allowing me
to visit David for only four hours that day. I slept for a total of twelve
hours so that left me less than eight hours to try and catch up on some
homework, visit the psychiatrist, and relax. I had a hard time
concentrating on my homework and when she noticed, she told me that she'd
let me slip a little bit but I had to try and keep up.
Jason called today to check up on me, I guess he spoke with my mom
when she was at school today asking about me. The rumor mill stated that
both David and I were in the hospital with a billion different possible
reasons. My mother told him that David was and that I stayed by his side
until he was out of the ICU. Our group of friends at school was overly
concerned about David and he received flowers from a bunch of people, which
was cool. Before I realized it, David had been in a coma for over three
weeks. I still visited David every day after school, but it was difficult
when he wasn't getting any better.
Jason was hanging out with me more and more. Maybe he felt that
someone needed to cheer me up and his odd sense of humor made me laugh even
when I thought it was impossible. He volunteered to partner with me to
help me catch up on some of my assignments (I was further behind than I
previously thought), meaning that he and I were spending time after school
together, which inadvertently reduced the time that I was able to see
David. Maybe I allowed this to happen because it was too tough to watch
him in a coma. Whatever the reason being with Jason was allowing me to get
back to normal, or normal for me. Even as traumatic as this was for me, I
was actually eating like I should and sleeping okay. I gained ten pounds
and grew two inches the first month that Dave was in the hospital, and none
of it was fat, I was just getting taller.
About the time of the third month that David was in the hospital, I
was only visiting David about three or four times a week. There is only so
much I could say to David without getting any type of a response. I could
tell that this was really hard on his mother along with the fact that she
was testifying against her husband and getting ready to divorce him.
David's family would not be the same as he remembered.
It seemed as if I was going through the grieving process, as if David
had died or we had broken up, and it was scary. It was like I was finally
able to move on without being hurt too badly even though I loved David so
much. The acceptance of him not being in my life was becoming reality.
Jason's friendship was providing the support that I needed and I felt
myself falling in the pattern of relying on him for my happiness. I'm now
five inches taller and twenty-one pounds heavier than when David went into
the hospital. I'm changing physically and mentally even though I want to
remain exactly the same as when he went in. My mother is astonished at how
quickly I'm growing and actually complains about having to take me shopping
for clothes. I told her that this isn't anything that I can control
anymore than she.
Dad postponed his wedding three months to allow me to be better
mentally prepared. He doesn't know how deeply involved David and I were
together. My mother laughs that he better have the tuxedo tailored while
I'm in Chicago at the rate that I am growing. Her little joke doesn't
amuse me but I don't fuss over it. It seems so insignificant at the
moment. Three months ago I would've refused to go, but I gave up and
decided I would do this favor for my dad without giving him too much grief.
On the fourth month anniversary of David getting out of the ICU, when
Jason and I were studying in my room, he kissed me. I don't mean a peck on
the cheek, but trying to force his tongue into my mouth and for some reason
I let his tongue in. It felt so easy and but I knew it wasn't right to
cheat on David because he was in a coma, but I started kissing back.
Kissing Jason was allowing me to forget about David for the moment, all of
the heartache and pain that we were both going through and allowing me to
enjoy some intimate contact with someone. It didn't hurt that I found
Jason cute and funny, and that I admitted to myself earlier that if I had
never met David that I probably would've been Jason's boyfriend eventually.
One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, Jason was on his knees
giving me a blowjob that felt so great. I made a promise to myself the day
Dave got out of the ICU that I would only masturbate once a day at most. I
came in Jason's mouth without giving him warning, and instead of getting
mad he swallowed my load. He got up smiling and started to kiss me again.
He led me to the bed stripping off my clothes and than his, kissing
my neck and chest. I felt so horny that I thought that I was going to cum
again in less than ten minutes. Lust took over and I started to make out
with Jason and suck his cock. He told me that he wanted to feel me inside
of him, to have sex with him, that he wanted me to be his first. At this
point I was beyond thinking and I was going to go to the bathroom to find
some type of lubricant when he pulled out a tube of KY Jelly. Apparently
it was his older sisters and he figured he could borrow it without her
knowing about it. I slowly loosened Jason up with my fingers as he lubed
up my cock.
I slowly put the head of my cock to his hole pushing gently in;
pausing to allow Jason to get used it before proceeding. I waited like
what seemed like five minutes when I was all the way in before I proceeded
to fuck him slowly before picking up speed and varying how far I was
pulling in and out. We made out the whole time as I had sex with him and
it felt so great. I finally came shooting so hard that I thought the cum
would come out of his nose. While I was still in post orgasmic bliss,
Jason lubed up his cock and started to lube up my anus working in a few
fingers before he started to push his cock in me. I honestly don't
remember how long he made love to me or feeling any pain, but when he came
inside of me, I came again without touching my cock the whole time.
We both feel asleep until I heard my mother knock on the door waking
me up, she stated that Jason's mom was on the phone that he was supposed to
call her if he was late. As Jason and I were getting dressed quickly and
he picked up the phone in my room to talk to his mom, the guilt hit me like
a ton of bricks. I cheated on my boyfriend and I somehow reasoned that it
was okay because he was incapable of spending time with me.
This pattern continued for the next month and a half with Jason and
me. What started out as just sex with a friend was morphing into a
relationship where Jason and I wanted to be boyfriends, but I kept dodging
the issue due to Dave's condition. Jason was getting to the point where it
was all or nothing deal and I told him that I couldn't make this decision
with David in a coma, that it wasn't fair. He told me that I had to make a
decision sooner or later and asked me how long I would put my life on hold
waiting for someone. I didn't answer and I told him that I wouldn't make a
choice until David was out of the coma. The tension grew between us, but
he still wanted me and we still kept having sex and doing things together
as before. Some of our friends in the group sensed that something was up
between the two of us, but they never suspected that we were having sex or
anything.
A week and half before school was to let out, or about six months
after Dave went into the hospital, he woke up from his coma asking for me.
The person he was most worried about seeing was me and his memory and
personality were intact. Mom drove me to the hospital, actually pulling me
out of school during lunch time to visit David. I would've thought that
this would've been the happiest day of my life, and it was a very happy
day, but I let myself become involved with Jason and now I have to choose
who to be with and who to break up with. How would David take the news
that Jason and I were having sex while he was in a coma? Would he ever be
able to trust me? Would Jason try to blackmail me if I decided not to tell
Dave about the situation? How would Jason react if I choose David or vice
versa? My life just became over complicated with questions and I feel like
I have no one I can talk to about this. I feel too guilty to tell my mom
that I cheated on David and I'm not going to out myself to the school. And
then I have a wedding to be the best man at in about three weeks.
David spent the time with my first visit asking about school and
everything. He inquired about his dad and questioned how I was doing. I
told him that I was doing much better now that he was out of his coma, but
I knew he could tell that my smile was as genuine as he was accustomed. I
think he wanted to have a more in depth conversation, but with our parents,
his relatives and the nurses coming in and out of the room, it was going to
have to wait.
He was informed that he was going to have to attend summer school
after he completed a few weeks of physical therapy. He was amazed at how
much I had grown since he last saw me and I noted that he had grown an inch
since he came in the hospital even though he lost weight. He joked that I
was going to have to protect him from the bullies pretty soon. I told him
that we better hire a body guard so we both don't get our asses kicked.
Mental note: don't say asses around the grown-ups or they get a bit feisty
about the language. It basically became obvious that we wouldn't have any
alone time for about a week and he communicated with his eyes that we
needed to talk. Even with everything that was going on in his life, he
could read me like an open book within ten minutes of my arrival to visit
him.
If you like this story series so far, you may want to read my other fiction
story series:
(They are probably archived in a previous year or so, please do a find on
them...)
Gay --> high school --> Music Store Teens
Bi --> college --> College Firsts
Any non-flamer feedback is welcome, email me at jaykool74@hotmail.com I
will be creating a mailing list for chapters as they are released. I admit
that it has been a while since the last installment but I've been so busy
with work and school that I haven't had time to write until recently.