Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:30:33 -0500
From: Aaron Saxon <a.saxon1122@gmail.com>
Subject: My Worst Day - Chapter 3; gay male/high school

If you aren't meant to be reading this, please leave now or continue to
enjoy the story of John and Brian.

My Worst Day: Chapter 3

So, Brian took the news better than I could've hoped for, but him kissing
my forehead was a little awkward. I guess because I hadn't really thought
about him in that way before. I mean, he was cute enough. He looked a lot
like me, body wise we both were waiting for our bodies to develop past
skinny or scrawny. Brian's hair was a little darker than mine and his eyes
were brown like mine, but his had some gold flecks in them, when the light
hit them just right.

Okay, so that's my best friend in nut shell. Oh, and when all the drama is
not going on, he can be pretty funny.

After the kiss, he made a googly face at me and I chuckled a little. I had
to ask him why he kissed me? He said he wanted to and because he wanted to
make sure I knew he was always going to be my side, no matter what. I
appreciated him saying that and smiled. Inwardly though, I had to wonder if
it meant more, or if I would ever find someone to love.

More on that later...

"Hey, earth to John," Brian exclaimed. That snapped me back to
reality. Where'd you go just then? he asked. Oh, nowhere, I was just
thinking. About what? He asked, raising an eyebrow. Nothing important, I
replied back.

Dinner followed and then it was time to for Brian to go home again. After
he left, I really wished I had someone to talk to, the only person I could
think of was my brother Michael. Only problem was he was away at college
and I didn't think he'd want his little brother bothering him. He had just
started his freshman year of college and was still getting settled in. I
decided after about 20 minutes that I would call his cell. Of course, there
was no answer, so I left him a message asking him to call me.

At this point I'm going to fast forward a little bit. Brian's been helping
best he can at school from those jerks and we've even made a couple other
friends. Brian's always been more open than I have, but with his help, I've
found these boys to be pretty cool and pretty cute, but I kept that to
myself. Their names are Matt, Jeff and Rion. Because of this, I've stopped
feeling so sorry for myself, but I'm still not ready for anyone else to
know about me.

The next evening, which was Friday, Michael finally called. "Hey little
bro, you called?" Michael asked. "Yea, um I need to talk to you and I
wanted to know when you'd be coming home next?" I don't really know John,
what's wrong? I was hoping to this face to face, it isn't the sort of thing
I wanted to talk about over the phone. Since the school was close, he said
he could come by either tomorrow afternoon of on Sunday. I said thanks and
then I started to hear some noise in the background and he needed to get
going. We said bye and we hung up the phone.

I slept a little better that evening, but I was so anxious by the time I
woke up Saturday morning. Michael never did show on Saturday and it was a
rainy, dreary day anyway. I helped my mom around the house and at about
4:30 Jeff and Rion came over. We played on the computer in my room. After
about an hour, Rion got bored and said he wanted to show us something. He
found this adult website that had tons of girls with big boobies on it. I
wasn't interested, obviously but I tolerated it for them. Both of them got
hard a few minutes later and I didn't. I started to feel awkward and self
conscious and I think Jeff noticed and said that maybe Rion should log off
and maybe we should do something else. Before we even got to that, both of
them realized they had to get home for dinner. We said our byes to each
other and they left. After dinner Jeff called and said he noticed I didn't
get a stiffy earlier? Um, well I stammered on...I didn't know how to
explain it away and before I knew it I was being called by my mom and I
told him I had to go.  Thank god, I thought. Whew, I dodged a bullet there,
at least for now. I helped my mom real quick and then I called Brian and
told him what happened and that I wouldn't be able to hang out with Jeff
anymore. He understood and said that I came first before anybody else. That
put me at ease and I said I'd see him later. I went to bed about 10:30
Saturday night and was woken up about 9:30 Sunday morning to Michael
sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Morning, little bro." Michael said. "Morning..." Shit, I thought to
myself, I told Michael I needed to talk to him. "What did you want to talk
to me about little man?" After what I was about to tell him I doubted I'd
be his little man anymore. "If I were to tell you a secret, would you
promise not to hate me?" "Wait...what?" He definitely looked
confused. "Please, I can't talk to you until you promise not to hate me. I
can't have everyone in the family hating me."  "Ok, little bro, I promise."
I was visibly shaking. "I've got a problem. I-I'm gay." I said. When he
didn't answer me right away, I crawled up in a protective ball to protect
myself from being hit. I peeked through my legs at him, but he was still
sitting in silence. A moment later, he got up and walked out of the room. I
could hear him in the bathroom shouting at the mirror - he was yelling -
"shit, fuck, damn, John's a fag." I knew it! I said, he hated me and would
probably out me to mom and dad. From here on in I vowed to not tell anyone
else. I'd be lucky if mom and dad didn't throw me out of the house.

Before I could lock my bedroom door to keep him and everyone else, he
appeared before me. There were tears in my eyes. I knew I had let him
down. "Michael, please just leave me alone. After tonight, you and nobody
else will have to worry about me again." "John..." Before he could get
anything else out, I shut the door and locked it.  I skipped dinner that
night and ignored knocks on my bedroom door from mom, dad and again John.

I had spent hours crying and after I was reasonably sure that everyone was
asleep, I threw some clothes in a duffel bag I had in my closet. It used to
be Michael's, but he gave it to me. I took it and my back pack and walked
slowly downstairs. I saw on the clock on the wall that it was 2:20 am. The
front door would make too much noise, so I decided to use the back door
since it slides open.

The morning came and there was a knock on my old bedroom door, when my
mother didn't hear anything she opened it. A look of horror came over my
mother's face. I wasn't in there and there was no note. I had run away and
she was screaming and crying. My father came running to her side as did my
brother Michael.

After a few moments, my father looked at my brother and asked, "What the
hell happened between you two yesterday?" "John came out to me last night
and I took it badly, dad." "So that's why he ran away?!" My father balled
his fist ready to hit Michael when mom stopped him. "Not now honey, we need
to find John."

I walked until I couldn't walk any longer. I came to an old shed by a park
I hadn't been to in years. I pushed the door open, put my bags down and
laid down on the cot there. I was asleep within minutes.

The first call my father made was to Brian's house. He asked Brian if I'd
been there or if he'd seen me. He told my father no with a very worried
tone to his voice.

What do you think should happen now? I am taking suggestions. My email
address is a.saxon1122@gmail.com