Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 10:10:51 -0500
From: Ryan Scott <ryanscott@mail.com>
Subject: My Years as a boy #2 {Ryan Scott} (b/M) [2 of 2]

You know the rules, if you shouldn't be reading this, then why are you
here? This is a story that contains sexual encounters between a boy and a
man, if you don't want to read about that kind of thing then you better
leave.

This is the second part to my story, If you haven't read part 1 I would
recommend it.

Eric

Eric is also much younger than I am. But he is one of the first really
gay friends that I have had in my life. At least the first one that
actually talked to me about it. I guess I should start my story with Eric
when he was about 13. I have known him since he was 5 but our
relationship started when he was about 12 and I was 23. He was pretty
muscular for his age, course blond hair, and blue eyes. I don't remember
exactly how things got started between us, but I could see in Eric some
things that made me wonder about him. Eric and me got along really well.
He is my best friends' younger brother. He was into wrestling when he
was younger and that is what probably got us started in our relationship.
I do recall wrestling with him a lot when he was younger. After a wile,
it would seem like my hands were always being pushed down to his crotch.
Of course I didn't mind that too much. He was a cute kid. Somewhere
along the line it went one step further than that and Eric wanted i t as
much as I did. Over a long period of time it went much further than I
ever thought it would. By the time he was 14 we had had some pretty
serious get togethers. It was a pretty regular thing wile he was in
school. I would stay late at his house helping him with his homework.
Around 11 his parents went to bed. And we had long been done with his
homework. Pretty early on, Eric had taken an interest in anal fun. He was
not happy unless I had a finger in him. It was something that I had not
done before, but it was what he wanted, so who was I to complain. So as I
jerked him under the table with one hand the other would find his hole.
He was always too scared to return favors in his own house, but it
wasn't long till we found some reasons for him to come to my house. He
wanted it all. I did more with him than with anyone previous. I know, you
want details. It's hard to write this stuff from memories, its pretty
well a blur to me with all the encounters. Put it this way, ther e is
nothing we didn't try at least once. Maybe sometime I will sit down and
do a story just on him, but let me keep going on this one.

By this time I had started learning from my mistakes of the past. I made
sure that me and Eric talked about everything and anything. I didn't
want him to get hurt and I wanted him to understand the best he could
about what he was getting into. I had been hurt pretty badly my self in
the past, so I tried to keep a safe distance from Eric. I think for the
most part, the sexual relationship we had was about Eric's sexual
curiosity. Just the thought of satisfying that curiosity was enough to
keep me interested and coming back for more for a long time. I care about
Eric a lot, but I didn't share the emotional bond with him that I had
with most of my other friends. Eric and I kind of have a mutual
understanding that we are just good friends and that is it. We still are
good friends. We are there for each other in times of need. I think we
both have helped each other though hard times. Our sexual relationship
has slowed down to practically nothing. But we still get together to co
mfort each other sometimes. He has been a great help to me and I hope I
have been the same to him.

Okay, the last one; Ryan.

Ryan is another one that is much younger than I am. Ryan is a very
different relationship from any I have had in the past. In some ways it
started out the same, but now it has changed. I always had a crush on
Ryan since the first time I met him at 8. He was just a really cute kid.
He always has a dark tan in the summer and brown hair with green eyes. I
didn't know he would become such a great young man. Ryan was a neighbor
of mine, and a real difficult kid. He had attention disorder worst than
any kid I ever saw and he was very high strung, but he was not dumb. No
one could teach this kid because he could not focus on anything for more
than 3 seconds. I was surprised to see an 8 year-old that could not tie
his shoes. Yet in less than an hour I taught him to tie his shoes. I was
always good with teaching kids. Something I picked up in boy scouts. I
guess by the time he was 11 his parents knew that I could teach him. I
started tutoring him once a week to teach him math. He s pent about 2
hours a week at my house and I would only make him study for one hour.
The 2nd hour I let him do what ever he wanted. Plus I had to be pretty
hard on him while I was teaching him, and I didn't want him to think
that I was always that way. Anyway, it wasn't to long until we were good
friends. Even though Ryan had some learning disabilities, he was very
smart and mature for his young age. His parents gave him I think way to
many responsibilities for a kid. He would baby sit his younger brother
and sister and cook for them clean for them. When he was 11 he started to
become very sexually curious, but ever since I first met him he already
knew way too much about sex. His parents were young, and always had a lot
of parties. I guess Ryan always was listening and they didn't seem to
mind him hearing. I was still tutoring him. As he found out that he could
trust me, he began to ask me questions about sex to fill in the gaps of
the things he had heard. I had n o problem with talking about it. I think
that all kids should start to be told about these things by the time they
are 9 or 10. It would have made my life much easier as a kid. Then it
came around to the subject of masturbation. I told him that it was
natural for kids to start doing that around his age and he proceeded to
tell me that he had done it plenty of times and was quite an expert at
it. I told him that there were many ways to do it and he would probably
figure some of them out. This really perked up his ears. He wanted to
know how else he could do it. He hounded me just to give him one way. I
happened to own a little vibrating massager and I showed it to him. He
thought it was awesome and wanted to try it. I told him to go ahead and
try it, and he asked me, What? Right now? I said, "ya if you want to" I
was surprised when He said, "O.K." and he dropped his pants and put it
against his little 3 inch dick. He hadn't started puberty yet. But after
a couple minutes he h ad a dry orgasm and he was addicted to it. Now
every time he came over he wanted to do it and I let him. A few months
later, I was asked to go and take care of a relative's dog wile they
were on vacation for the weekend. When Ryan found out he wanted to go
with me, so I told him if he got permission he could come. His parents
said yes, I'm sure they had plans to party while he was gone. This was
going to be the longest time we ever spent together. We had a great day
together and after it got dark we went for a swim. It wasn't long till
we were until we lost our shorts. It was pretty dark, so I really
couldn't see very much. Then Ryan found the pool jet and started pushing
his dick into it. He told me to try it so I did. It actually was pretty
cool. It definitely would make you shoot your load if you left your dick
there long enough. He told me that he used it to get off all the time in
his own pool. Well, at that point, I knew we were going to have a fun
night together. When we went in, he kind of shocked me by getting totally
nude in front of me wile he was changing. It was a great sight. He was
just at the stage right before puberty. His dick was starting to grow,
but he still had no hair yet. He also had a very very dark tan. I yelled
at him because he was standing right in front of the double sliding glass
doors totally nude. I didn't need the neighbors to see an 11-year-old
naked boy running around the house with me. As we were getting ready for
bed, I had brought the vibrating massager with me and I got it out. He
said," how did you know I wanted to do that?" I said, "lucky guess J " He
laid right down and pulled his pants down and started vibrating his dick.
As he was doing it, he told me that he had never really just used his
hand to do it. I asked him if he wanted me to show him how. He was a
little hesitant at first, but he already trusted me with a whole lot and
so he let me. I did it for him and it didn't take him long to have an
orgasm. After he was done, I asked him if he would do it for me. He
thought nothing of it. I guess he just figured we were friends and should
help me to feel good too. The next night we did the same. After this
event, every time he came over we would mutually masturbate each other.
It became like a ritual.

Ryan shared many other interests with me. I got him into scouting and he
was also into auto racing which I was a big fan of. We had a really cool
go cart track near by and I started to take Ryan with me when I went. It
wasn't long till he was racing against people much older than he was. He
was a good driver. Over the next couple years Ryan and me became really
close friends. I knew that he was not gay, but we were close and he
didn't mind the mutual masturbation. That is as far as things went
between us. I have to say though that Ryan became a better friend to me
than I had had in a long time. I told him everything about myself and he
listened to every word and understands me and accepts me for who I am. He
also became a good friend with Eric. Ryan moved away when he was 13,
After the things that happened to me in the past I had learned not to get
to close to people that I was involved with. I thought I would be O.K.
with it when Ryan left. When we had our last day togeth er, and it was
time for me to go home. Ryan put his arms out and hugged me real tight. I
was kind of shocked, because he never really shown any emotion towards me
before. When he did that I felt a well a tears building up in me. I
suddenly realized how much I would miss him and I hugged him back
tightly. That would not be the end of our friendship though. Even though
Ryan lives far away now, he comes up a couple times a year and stays with
me. He and I have gone on a camping trip every year for the last 4 years
and we are closer than ever. He is 15 now and He calls me to tell me of
every new experience he has in his life, which right now is his girl
friend. This kid is very special and I have a feeling that we will be
close friends for a long time to come. I would wish a friend like Ryan on
everyone. He is the most dedicated friend that I have had in my life.

My new life

Now it is time for change. I need to settle down. I hope to have many new
friends in the future, and not necessarily sexual friends, but just
friends. I have so much experience to offer to those that need it. In
this story I only shown you the sexual relationships I've had, but there
were many many others who I was friends with. I spent quite a wile
helping kids though the Internet and I would gladly still do that if the
circumstances permit it. I would say that I have had a major impact on at
least 5 or 6 kids though the net that really needed someone to understand
them and help them. They all fade after a wile and they thank me and go
on with there lives. Now it is time for me to do something for myself.
Being a single guy with limited interest won't work anymore. Besides
that, I really need a women in my life. I have never really had an
interest in a real gay relationship. Sounds funny I know, Yes, true I
have an attraction to both sexes both physical and mental, but my
relationships with other males has been souly for the reason of having a
closer friendship. If someone will give me a little trust, I will give
them the world. I will give them all that I am and service there every
need. I love to give all that I can, but in return I ask for implicit
trust. Most of my encounters were to gain that trust and keep it. In the
few cases where I was given that trust without asking for it, they became
life long friends. In any case, If any one of the people I mentioned
above gave me a call, I would stop in my tracks to help them in any way
that I could. Imagine if you could have had as many friends as the ones I
have listed that would stop in their tracks for you. Not to bad of a
life, is it? It's one that I have held onto for a long time, but time
marches on and it is time for me to make new friends. Hopefully with the
big changes I have planned in the near future there will be many new
doors opened and I will be able to give myself to many new f riends.

 

In conclusion

My life has not been an easy one. Sometimes it has been extremely hard,
but I am here to tell you that it is all for a reason. Everything you go
through in your life can be used to help someone else. You can't stop
other people from experiencing pain, but it is very comforting to know
that you are not alone. Anyone that you can give a little love that needs
it will be extremely thankful and always remember you. There are so many
in need. I wish I could help them all. Growing up gay has got to be one
of the hardest things that anyone can go though. The Internet is one of
the best things that has ever happened to help people. Of course there
are always some bad people that ruin it for everyone else, and not
everyone is a good role model. But then again, Kids are going to find the
kind of role models that they want to have, and the Role Models good or
bad will find what they are looking for. I can tell usually within one
letter if someone needs a little love or if they are lo oking for
something else.

A little advice

You can look at the things that I have written and Judge me, but you
don't really know me. I am an extremely good-hearted person, and would
never do anything to hurt someone. The only sound advice I can give you
is that when it comes to relationships, Honesty is the best policy. If
you are in a non-verbal relationship, (having any kind of sex without
talking about it) it is bad. I know that many of my earlier relationships
were like that, but it was wrong. I didn't have anyone to talk to as a
teenager, and I made all the mistakes I could make as a kid. In every
relationship, every part of the relationship should be discussed in
detail. A non-verbal relationship is very dangerous and can sometimes
cause a lot of hurt between the people involved in it. Sometimes a
relationship will start non-verbally; this is just going to happen. If it
does happen to you, make sure to talk to your partner as soon as possible
afterwards or you are just asking for trouble in the future. All n
on-verbal relationships are confusing for anyone involved in one, and for
someone inexperienced it can cause an emotional hell that can be
overwhelming, even if they are totally willing or even initiating it.
Doing it and living with it are two different things, and being uncertain
about the other person involved is always torture. Feelings need to
always be in the open and discussed. In some cases the first act is a
mistake and one or both will want to forget about it. That is fine too,
as long as it is understood by both involved.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my story and my feelings. There are tons
of people out there with a good heart. You just have to seek them out.
Experience is the best teacher. There is always someone that has been
though more than you have. I can't put everything into words that I have
been through. If I tried to it would get way to deep. If you don't need
anyone, there is someone that needs you. That is if you have a good
heart.

If you like my writing, you might want to look for my one of my newest
storys "Right of Passage" under the camping category. It is done in a
different style with more detail, but I have been getting a lot of good
complements.

If you have any comments, I'd love some feedback, you can write me at
ryanscott@mail.com