Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2006 00:34:39 +0800
From: YoDawgs Bl.net <yodawgs.blnet@gmail.com>
Subject: Search For Conscience, Chapter 11

Thanks for your support so far, readers. I hope this style of writing will
suffice.  I am trying to include as much detail as possible into this piece
of work, so please don't get bored if it seems to stretch on forever.

As usual, I appreciate all mails. Gives me pleasure every time I see "New
Mail" in my inbox.

He was back in the dark, looming hallway of the hospital again. Filled with
dread and trepidation, he inched forward towards the stretchers which he
knew held his parents. He reached the first gurney. With shaking and
sweating hands, he pulled back the white cloth that separated him from the
body beneath. It was his mother. However, unlike the time when he saw her,
she had an ugly gash down the side of her face, and her eyes were missing,
bloody holes as substitutes. Her skull was cracked open, revealing a large
mass of rubbery substance, which flowed down her unmoving head onto the
white cloth of the gurney.

She bucked, hands gripping Cody's face, screaming "Why weren't you there
with us? Why did you let us go?! How dare you! You left us alone! And now
we're dead!" with blood sputtering out of her mouth, grey face contorting
with rage. Cody was stunned by the sheer malice and hatred in the face of
his very own mother. He screamed and screamed, voice echoing through the A
& E ward, accentuated with grief and rage at himself, and also at the
horror that he beheld in front of him.

And awoke, his lips screaming the syllable "Nooooooooo", his entire body
covered in cold sweat as it was the night before. The tears started flowing
down his cheeks, as he was consumed by the ever-present wave of grief. He
curled into a ball, oblivious of his location, and rocked back and forth,
trying to contain the spasms of sadness that fought to break free of his
chest.

"Oh God, Whyyy??" he moaned with grief, burying his face between his
knees. Every single atom of his body, bone, sinew, marrow, muscle, skin,
burned with grief and desperation.

A cold hand gripped his shoulder, jerking him from his tango of sorrow. In
normal circumstances, he would have been slightly taken aback by the
coldness of the fingers gripping him. However, the recent trauma that he
had undergone only made him view the stimulation as that of something
dreadful and melancholic. In short words, it felt as if a corpse had risen
from the ground and gripped his shoulder, forever entrapping it in the
silent hallways of the dead.

"Ahhh!" he yelled with shock, shying away from the contact. The hand shook
him vigorously.

"Cody!" a familiar voice shouted.

He raised his head, looking up into his father's dead eyes, formerly blue
like his, gone grey as the cold embrace of death took them. He shut his
eyes, wanting to escape this realm. He roared with terror and grief,
holding his hands out in front of his face in an attempt to shield himself
from looking his father straight in the eye.

In a millisecond, the vision cleared, leaving behind the grey interior of a
room. He lay there for a few moments, while the sights and sounds of Sean's
room and the texture of the double-decker bed returned to him. Above him,
Sean's beautiful face faded into view, skin tinted yellow by the light of
the bed lamp that was alight. Sean's hand gripped his shoulder like the
dream, but instead of the freezing sensation, it was warm and comforting.

"Are you alright, Cody?" Sean's pre-teen voice asked.

Cody tried not to whimper, and covered his face with his hands as the tears
began to flow. He choked, sobs racking his body. He was aware of his
exposed chest expanding in and out along with his abdomen, as his diaphragm
improvised with each sob. Sean pulled him into a sitting position and
wrapped his arms around his body, slowly kneading the muscles in Cody's
back. Cody altered his position and pressed his chest against Sean's,
resting his head over Sean's shoulders, chin resting against the soft skin
beside Sean's left shoulder. He sobbed openly, allowing the tears to flow
down his cheek and drip upon Sean's bare back. He pulled Sean against him
as hard as he could and gripped him back with all the force he could
muster, to alleviate the bouts of grief that seemed to strike cruelly into
the deepest recesses of his mind. Sean's skin was cool and welcoming, and
helped comfort Cody's alternately steaming body.

"Oh Sean." He choked. "I just had this dreadful dream. My parents. They
were after me. My father looked at me as if I abandoned them in that
hospital, and my mother, ohh, my mother..."

The tears burned from his eyes again, and he screwed them up in grief,
pressing his fingernails into Sean's back. Sean let out a cry of pain, and
Cody immediately realized the consequences of his actions. He ran his
fingers into the marks that he had left, sobbing his regret.

"Sean, I'm s-so s-sorry. D-didn't m-mean t-t-to hurt-t you-u." he
stammered, the effects of his grief impacting him and impeding his
vocabulary. Sean's response was a quickened pace of petting, and a whisper
of

"It's nothing, Cody. I wish there was something I could do for you, but I
can't. All I can do is just to hold you, and hope the pain goes away. You
understand, don't you?"

"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you." Cody whispered back, hugging
Sean as tightly as he could. He feared that Sean would be taken away from
him that very moment. He knew that he would not be able to survive without
the contact at that moment.

He rocked his body back and forth, trying to rid himself of the grief. Sean
said nothing, but followed his motion, breathing gently down his back. His
moans subsided gradually, and he felt himself enjoying the blissful contact
between him and his step-brother. He began to pet Sean back, fingers
stimulating the contours of Sean's firm back. He applied pressure to the
area between Sean's shoulder blades and discovered a new existence of
tension, probably caused by the afternoon swim.

"Ahh, feels good." Sean murmured.

He suddenly shifted and pulled Cody down onto the bed, facing his back
toward Cody. The rippling of strained muscles was visible as Sean bent
slightly forward, exposing more surface area of his back to Cody. He
stared, bemused, at the freckle-covered skin less than five inches from
him.

"I suppose you want a back rub, then." He said.

"Much obliged, thank you." Was the reply, uttered in the soft West-London
accent.

Cody began his work on Sean's back, stretching out the fibres and sinew
that held together the beautiful boy in front of him. In a fashion similar
to yesterday, Sean started groaning again with pain and ecstasy, arching
his back in spite of his efforts to maintain a straight posture.

"Oh Cody, that feels sooo good." Sean's muffled voice said.

"Hush, and let me do my work." Cody replied, while pressing down hard on
Sean's shoulder blades, eliciting a loud moan.

He gradually moved downwards, rewarded by the pleasurable moans and groans
from the brown haired boy. He was massaging Sean's kidney area when his
left hand suddenly rubbed against something rubbery and elastic.

"Sean!" he exclaimed.

"What?!" Sean asked in a shocked tone.

"You're still in your Speedos!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, your bollocks are going to be rotten in the morning then."

"Oh damn!" Sean muttered, before pushing Cody's hands away.

Cody heard a loud smack and the rubbing of synthetic material before a loud
slapping sound on the floor beside the bed confirmed that Sean had removed
his chlorine-infested Speedos. And, also was stark naked in the bed beside
him.

"Err, Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to put something on? Because you're in the nude, in front of
me, and the light's still on."

"Oh, shit!"

Came a muffled expletive, as Sean pulled the sheets around his waist,
hiding his embarrassment.

"Don't look, okay?"

Sean dragged himself toward the lamp and flipped the switch, engulfing both
of them in darkness. Cody felt the bed shake slightly as Sean pulled a pair
of boxers on.

"Where did you get THOSE from?"

"Oh, I always leave a spare pair of boxers under the sheets."

"For what?"

"Just."

Cody could almost hear Sean's grin in the darkness, as the boy settled
himself in the same position a few seconds ago.

"Get on with it then!" he mock-ordered.

Cody grinned and leant forward to kiss Sean's neck, nuzzling his nose into
the soft skin. The youth immediately started, and turned around to face
Cody.

"What are you doing?" the question hit him like a lead weight.

"N-nothing." He stammered.

"Don't lie to me, Cody. What did you just do?"

"I... I... k-kissed your n-neck." he stuttered. His whole body started to
quiver uncontrollably and he was on the verge of tears now.

"Cody, I..."

"Oh, god. I've ruined it! You don't want to be my brother any more
now. You're going to send me away like the rest of the families!" he
interrupted Sean, hoarsely.

Tears trickled down his cheeks again as his chin quivered out of his
control. He pulled himself free of the contact and jumped down from the
bed, mildly twisting his ankle as he did. He let out a cry of pain and
dragged himself toward the bed, crying uncontrollably. He discovered the
cold sheets and embraced them, resigning himself to his fate.

"Oh why, oh why didn't I just die with them?!" he wailed out loud, sobs
racking his five foot three body. He clutched the bed sheets with anguish
and howled his sorrow cum anger into them. He pummeled the sheets and
pillows with all his strength, crying out with emotion with each punch. So
much was his grief, that he did not notice Sean looming over him. He felt
Sean's hand clasp his shoulder and cried out angrily.

"What do you want?"

"Cody, you didn't even let me finish my sentence. I loved you doing that to
me. I felt like someone my age actually cared about me. My sister never did
these sorts of things with me, and I can't tell you how happy I was when
you kissed me. I love you, Cody! I loved you ever since you came into my
life. God knows what I would do without you now. I love you so much."

Cody felt Sean's tender hands caressing him and felt a kiss on his brow. He
hugged Sean as hard as he could for the second time that night.

"I feel like a monster now, Cody. I should have just let you get on with
it."

"No, Sean. I am the monster. This grief and rage inside me is breaking its
chains. I hope it never comes loose. I might lose myself."

"That won't happen, Cody. It can't. I need you so much."

Cody smiled, and ran his hands through Sean's hair.

"Can we go back to the double-decker bed now? I hate this place, it makes
me think of what happened to my parents." He begged.

"Of course."

Sean gently lifted him by his arms and carried him over to the bed. He
alighted, wincing at the pain in his ankle. He gingerly climbed up the
ladder, Sean assisting him the best he could. As he climbed up the ladder,
Sean chided him.

"Look. You've twisted your ankle for such a small thing. You're silly, do
you know that?"

He ignored the comment and clambered up onto the bunk, massaging his sore
ankle. Sean shoved him gently, making him lose his balance and fall onto
the still warm pillow that he had laid on less than a minute ago. There was
a gasp as Sean beheld his twisted ankle.

"Oh wicked! It's like the time where I sprained my own ankle. Swelled up
like a gobstopper, mine did. Here, I'll make it better."

He felt Sean's hands massaging his ankle and whimpered out in pain,
clenching his teeth and gripping the sheets tightly. Sean lifted his foot
up onto his lap and continued applying pressure to the afflicted ankle.
"Uhh... Sean... It hurts... Oww..." he cried out, as Sean pressed his
fingers into the swollen area.

"Don't worry, better to hurt now than later, don't you think?" Sean
replied, grinding his fist into the affected area, causing more cries of
pain from Cody, as he squirmed involuntarily. When Sean finally pressed
down with all his might onto the bulge, Cody let out a loud scream of pain.

"Uh-Huuh-Huuuh!" prolonging the last syllable as he pushed his face down
into the sheets, tears of pain riddling his eyes.

"Here, it's over now. Come on, let's get to sleep." He heard Sean whisper
gently, as he pulled the covers over himself.

"Hey! I need some cover too, you know. I get cold too, even though I'm much
tougher than you." Sean snickered.

He didn't reply, but instead lifted the covers and waited will Sean
snuggled in beside him, pulling him into the familiar contact that he
discovered only yesterday. He felt a sense of security, as he spooned into
the older boy's body in front of him, grinding his back against Sean's
chest. He felt Sean's hands carefully touch his back, fingernails lightly
scratching his shoulders, bringing sensations of relief to him. He sighed
contentedly as Sean ran his fingers through his hair, stimulating his
scalp.

"Sean?"

"Yes?"

"I'm afraid to go to sleep."

"Oh, why, Cody?"

"I'm afraid that if I do go to sleep, I'll have those horrible nightmares
again."

"Cody, what about me? Don't you think I'm terrified of going to sleep as
well?"

Instantly, Cody realized his inconsideration. How could he have forgotten?
If anything, Sean would be the one frightened of sleep.

"I'm sorry, Sean. Wish I could do something to make it better."

"You saved me yesterday. That's enough for now. So, go to sleep!" he
ordered, squeezing Cody's shoulder blades.

"I'll be here in the morning, you know. A beautiful Sunday is what tomorrow
is going to be." He continued.

Cody was made aware of the action of Sean's right hand attempting to
squeeze itself through his arm and his ribs. He giggled with ticklishness
and lifted his hands, allowing the hand easy access to his chest. Sean
lightly ran his fingers along Cody's chest, frequently grazing his large
pink nipples with fair areolas, causing jolts of pleasure through his
chest.

"Mmmmm..." he moaned, as he gradually fell into oblivion.