Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 10:37:41 +0100
From: Cwissy <virus@dial.pipex.com>
Subject: Shadows in the Curtains Chapter 5

Sorry it's been so long - I've been really caught up in exam finals. Here
is the fifth chapter and as usual if you don't like this kind of stuff then
don't read it. My other story chris and jamie is also available on
Nifty. Have a good time guys (and gals).

Jamie

----------------------------

'For shit's sake, Alex, wake up will ya.' Jay cuffed me on the side of the
head and I turned back from the window.

We were still in homeroom, but the bell had begun to ring. Seems as though
I had been daydreaming again. Jay was staring at me in that cute way. His
bottom lip was tucked under his teeth and his lips were curled at the
edges. He looked so beautiful. A sharp tingle went through my body. What
the hell was I doing? I was staring at my best friend and thinking.like
that. It was too much for me; I grabbed my books and fled the room. Why did
I keep doing that? Jay was going to figure this out sooner or later.

Eventually I arrived at my literature class and slunk to a desk at the back
of the room. There were thirty of us in this class and so it was easy not
to be noticed by anyone. From my vantage point that the back of the room I
could stare out of the window to the school playing fields. They had become
damp with the overnight rain. However, it had seemed that the weather last
night was just to prepare for today; it was turning out to be a scorcher. I
could usually daydream, at this seat for hours, undisturbed whilst my
teacher jumped about the class.

Miss Abercomb was a new teacher to the school, straight out of teaching
college and taking her first assignment. Our class consisted entirely of
freshmen and she seemed to have been lulled into the false sense that we
all loved Shakespeare, because she was always dodging between the desks
quoting long speeches and soliloquies that we could have all done
without. Some would think that this would depress the normal high school
student, but we were used to it. After 6 months it had become apparent that
she wasn't going to shut up without a fight, and so I tended to switch off
in her class.

The bell again woke me as it reached a crescendo and echoed down the empty
halls. Pulling my bag over my shoulder, I started to move towards the
door. There was something that I had forgotten; I was sure of it. The doubt
travelled with me down the hallways and corridors. I passed the double
doors to the auditorium and continued down the spiral stairs to the next
floor. It was stepping onto the lower level of the school that I finally
knew what it was. My next class was physics and I hadn't finished the
homework we were set over the weekend. Damn! Mum was constantly reminding
me to do her homework and I was constantly forgetting. However, this time
was different. She had threatened to slap me in detention the next time I
forgot it. I mean come on, my own Mother was gonna embarrass me in front of
the whole class. This was gonna be fucking great. Shit!

I drifted through the halls and ignored anyone that approached to say "hi"
to me. Dammit, I was becoming a recluse. I forced myself to look up and
show at least a smile to those who acknowledged my existence. Thankfully,
though, not many people did that to me in this place. A year younger than
the rest of my class was not a good thing. But it was made worse by taking
classes with sophomores and juniors. People seemed to resent me and I could
understand why. There is no way that someone takes advanced physics, a
class usually reserved for seniors, and not get noticed. However, Jay never
seemed to be on the receiving end of this and he was in the advanced
classes for both Spanish and French. Maybe he was just more popular than I
- his people skills were definitely more suited to high school life.

Now, though, the walls of the corridors seemed somehow colder than they had
been before. Maybe it was just me and my thoughts that were creating the
impression. Or was it something more?

Arriving at the door to my impending doom was like the last rites of a
kamikaze pilot. Only a few more minutes now, until the inevitable cry of
"homework on my desk, now" from my Mum, and a cascade of excuses that would
place the sorry deliverers into an hour of hard labour after school. I
stared up at the sign that was plastered before me. It was a scary sign:


Dr. Rebecca Williams, BA, MSc, MJur, DSc, PhD Director of Mathematical and
Physical Sciences


'Shit!' I almost jumped a foot into the air as a hand brushed against my
bare arm.

Jay looked surprised and began to back away from me. There was a surprised
look on his face. I didn't blame him for feeling like that. It had been
totally on edge all morning, it was beginning to get worse.

'Hey, sorry, man. I didn't mean...I'm just tired, that's all.' I regretted
that the minute I'd said it.

'You've been having those dreams again, haven't you?' Jay looked concerned.

Why had I ever told him about those? It was a small moment of weakness a
month ago. I didn't ever mean to tell him, but it seemed to just slip
out. However, what he didn't know was that he was usually the centre of
attention in them. He reached out and took my arm.

'It's okay, Alex. Don't worry about it.' He said in a light tone. I could
have killed for the smile he flashed at me.

Just then the door creaked open and the class began to slide in. I could
see my Mum sitting at her desk. Her reading glasses were poised on the edge
of her nose and she looked like the devil incarnate. This harbinger of doom
would soon wave a magic wand and I wouldn't be able to see Jay after school
today like I had planned. We were going to go to the mall and hang out; fat
chance of that now.

I remembered my problem and turned to face Jay. He saw my horrified
expression and burst out into giggles. I could have hit him. A great
support my best friend was being when my Mum was gonna have me publicly
crucified. But before I could say anything he pushed a sheet of paper into
my hand and vanished through the doorway.

Looking down at the paper, my mouth fell open. I was staring at my own
handwriting copied exactly and all four parts to the physics homework. Jay
knew me too well. He knew that I would forget and had made a replica of his
own homework for me to hand in. I couldn't believe it.

'Alexander!' I hadn't seen that I was the last to come into the class, and
hurriedly slouched in.

Moving inside the class I closed the door behind me and made my way to my
seat next to Jay. Punching him on the arm as I sat down.

'Sorry Mum.' She glared at me once again. '.Miss.' A nod of approval from
the direction of her desk. Well, I suppose that is a sorta good sign.

Turning to Jay, I began to mutter profuse thanks for copying the homework
for me. What the hell was I ever gonna do without this kid? He simply
shrugged at smiled at me.

There it was again: that abject urge to just lean over and kiss him. To do
it was strange enough, but to want to do it here, with my Mother watching;
there must be something wrong with me. Pulling way from the feeling I began
to talk to him, trying to make the lesson go by as quickly as possible so I
could get some fresh air.

'I thought you'd given up trying to forge my handwriting.' I whispered
quietly.

'You must be joking.' he retorted. 'With your reputation for handing in
work. You'd have detention everyday and then I'd never be able to see you.'
He smiled and his knee brushed my own.

That sent an electric shock through me large enough to power the city's
Christmas lights. Did Jay just hit on me? No, I was being ridiculous. There
was no way Jay was gay. He was too...well he was...he wasn't gay anyway.

So what do I do now? Every time I see my best friend I need to crush my own
lips against his. This was becoming too weird for me. Homosexuality was
something that I had never considered before. It was a scary thought
though. The dreams; it had begun with the dreams. Those were the first time
that I thought about Jay in that way and acted on it. Maybe it's my
sub-conscious trying to tell me something. Maybe I am gay and just don't
know it. Do you know it? Does it come in a blinding flash of realisation?

'Alexander!' Oh shit; my Mum had caught me daydreaming yet again.

My head snapped around so fast that it almost broke away from my
shoulders. As I did it my fringe fell forward and into my eyes. I brushed
it back up with my hand and stared at my Mother. Turning a bright red,
there were a few giggles from the girls and all the guys turned their heads
to face me; they were waiting for something. Was it the answer to a
problem? Well, there was one on the board. My mind started to turn it over
fast in my brain, but just before I could give the answer Jay pushed a slip
of paper onto the top of my desk.

'The resistivity of the metal is 0.7, Miss.' I bluffed, reading from Jay's
scrawled answer.

He had saved my neck again. I had been working out the wrong problem. He
was probably one of the best friends that anyone could ever have, and yet
if I told him how I felt, I feared that I would lose him forever. His knee
brushed mine again. When I looked at his face, he was staring straight
ahead, but there was an unmistakeable grin on his face. He had done that on
purpose. This, unfortunately, was too much for me and as the bell rang I
stumbled out of the class, laid Jay's neatly copied homework on the desk,
and ran.

Hell, I was never in so much of a hurry to catch gym as I had been
today. Mainly I hated it for the reason that I was completely rubbish at
it. I couldn't play football, I had never learned baseball, Basketball was
a mystery and Soccer was out of the question. I flopped at everything that
I couldn't use a calculator for. Life's a bitch sometimes.

But this was not the reason I ran today. I needed time to think. Although,
I still heard Jay call after me as I took off, he shouted something about
meeting me at lunch. I didn't know if I could face that right now. This was
all so confusing. Maybe it was meant to be like this, or maybe not. Am I
gay? I wish there was just a simple answer to questions like that. There
never is, though.

Pulling off my shorts and replacing it with some gym shorts, I was still
lost in Jay's thoughts. A hand fell across my shoulders. It had a strong
grip and I didn't like the touch of it. Turning, I found that I was staring
in a tall guy from the 10th grade. He was not smiling.

'Sissy boy's daydreaming again.' His voice was gravely and unkind. There
was no life to it. 'You know, faggot, we've all been out on the pitches for
the last ten minutes. Now get your little queer butt outside.' He grabbed
my arm and threw me towards the door.

My body slammed against the cold door and slid down it. My thoughts were
dancing and I was becoming dizzy. The floor was ever colder than the door
was. He standing over me: his eyes were blank. He looked like he wanted to
kill me from where I was lying. Then he stepped over me and joined the rest
of the guys on the pitches.

Getting to my feet was painful. There was a bruise on my left side, under
my ribcage that hurt like hell. Staggering out into the sunlight, the pain
began to fade. After much pleading, coach let me off the match and I took a
seat by the side of the stadium. The sun was still beating down on the
grass, but there was a cool breeze to accompany it. For this reason the
guys on the sideline had stripped to the waist. Their chests were well
defined from years of practise and working out. I realised that I had begun
to stare.

As I sat on the side of the soccer pitch in my shorts and t-shirt the
sunlight glinted off of the legs of the guys actually playing. The captain
of our soccer team was well built. He looked so hot in those tight
shorts.shit. I interrupted myself. What the hell was I thinking about? So I
guess that I am gay them. This was something that you didn't just
comprehend lightly - this was gonna change my life, I just didn't know how.

When I turned my head, Sarah was staring at me. Her long blond hair was
falling to her shoulders and she had a smirking grin on her face. Sarah had
been one of my only friends, besides Jay, who I felt really at ease
with. Usually guys only made friends with me to either hurt me or to crib
my homework. However, Sarah was different. I am sure that she thought that
I was hitting on her, but I swear I wasn't. Suddenly realising that my
mouth was open from staring at the guys playing football, I quickly close
it. She resumed her view of the pitch and said no more.

A little voice at the back of my mind told me that she knew. It was totally
obvious that I was staring at those guys. Who wouldn't have noticed it? The
voice began to push me to tell Jay what I was thinking about. I could never
tell him, it could ruin our friendship. But the voice persisted and after
an hour of wrestling with it, I gave in. I would tell Jay everything.

But when?

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IM: jam0015
E-mail:  virus@dial.pipex.com