*** Saturday - 26th of June 2004, 1:31 PM (US time) ***   “Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.” Ryan listened carefully to the flight attendant’s announcement and followed the given orders. It had been a pretty calm flight so far. A little rumble here and there but nothing serious, despite the fact that it seemed to be an endless flight at nearly 10 hours from London to Washington DC, followed by another short hop to the Portland Jetport in Maine. Getting up at 7:30 AM hadn’t been a problem, but not being able to sleep during the flight was torture for the young boy. He just wasn’t able to sleep in an upright position with the mix of emotions and tiredness inside of him. The youngster had flown this route a couple of times since they’d moved to the U.K. and always liked the solo flyer program for kids with all the benefits it comes with. A flight attendant was always at your side or at least always had an eye on you. Not only was Ryan the first person to board the plane, he would also be the first person getting something to drink, eat and finally be the first one to leave the Boeing 747 - guarded like a VIP - terrific. Fortunately 9/11 had never had a negative effect on Ryan’s willingness to board an airplane. He still liked flying in many ways. It was comfortable and to him pure joy even though there wasn’t much to do. He had so much time to think, relax, do nothing, and thankfully there was no one wanting to talk. And although he was reminded of his nightmare of a couple nights ago, as the turbines started to howl, Ryan didn’t feel twitchy during take-off. Only half an hour to go - 30 minutes until he would see his aunt and his beloved cousin. He noticed a slight tension in his tummy, the excitement of seeing them mixed with the anxiety about whether they would really be there to pick him up or not. Of course they had always been there, but then he was just a young boy traveling alone thinking of what he was supposed to do, in case no one was there to pick him up. Anyway, the solo flyer program would deal with that problem if it occurred, so there was actually nothing to worry about. Thinking about the previous day and his talk with Dr. Clarke made him regret the treatment of his mom and Peter. He had been harsh to them, especially to his mother. The ‘LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON’T WANNA TALK TO YOU. I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!’ he had thrown at her, was giving him guilty conscience. Susan had naturally reacted with sadness. She always tried to do the right things and never wanted her son to cloister himself away or feel left alone. But he’d had enough. Ryan was stressed out from all the psychology stuff, the questions and the answers, and needed some time away from all that pressure. That was the reason why he had, atypically, reacted more defiant than ever - the boy didn’t want to let everything happen just like that anymore and ignored any further discussion to get some peace. He felt like he needed to stand up for himself which was new, something he’d never done before. He’d never intentionally hurt anybody. But sitting in the plane without the ability to change anything made it even worse - he felt compassion for his mom. Re-adjusting the ventilation above him so the fresh air wouldn’t directly blow into his face, he opened the envelope Susan had given to him just before passing through the security check-in at the airport in London and inside found 5 twenty Dollar bills and a letter from his mother: ‘My beloved Baby Bear, I understand that you have been mad at me and that you needed to say the things you said. That’s okay, I know that you didn’t mean it. You may feel sorry now, but there’s no need to. I’m your mother and will always love you, no matter what you’ll say or do. Don’t dwell on it; I forgive you and hope that you’ll forgive me as well for being too hard on you. But I know, my son, you have a heart as big as the world, and you have already forgiven me so we have forgiven each other now which is great. That’s great. Neither you nor I are angry, right? I know, I’m am not. The only favor I’m asking of you is to enjoy your time in your second home. Spend as much time laughing and having fun and spend as little time as possible time thinking about me or the things that had happened in the past because the past isn’t for us to change. I’ll miss you of course, as you’ll miss me but we will survive. Now smile my son and look forward not back, at least for the next couple of weeks. I love you so much! Mom.’ That calm, loving letter was exactly what Mr. Harris Jr. needed at that moment. He felt relieved, lighter, and was even able to put a smile on his face. Looking around, his eyes met those of Caroline, the flight attendant assigned to him. She smiled back and headed in his direction. “Hey Ryan, everything fine with you? Let me check your seat belts.” “Yes, I’m okay,” the boy said nodding. “Good, that looks perfect. It’s only a couple more minutes until we land.” Caroline said confidently running her fingers through his hair as if she could see all the sorrow in his heart and wanted to reassure him that he was going to make it.   *** ***   As the automatic sliding door of the arrivals area opened, Ryan looked around for Jason and Sharon. A loud “RYANNN!” erupted from somewhere deep in the crowd and of course it was Jason. Ryan, forced to hold hands with Caroline, extremely embarrassing for a 12-year-old, dropped her hand and his suitcase and with his backpack twirling around, sprinted towards his welcoming committee and straight into his cousin’s arms. Ryan had no words for how good it felt to see them. The tension was gone in seconds and turned into a happy trembling from all the adrenaline in his young body. Excitement, happiness and joy took over. “Oh my gaaawd, it’s so cool that you’re here!” Jason shouted as their bodies met. Unlike most 12-year-olds, the boys had never been shy about hugging each other. For them it just felt right to be so close to the one who meant so much to the other. Of course Auntie Sharon was not to be left out and got a big hug as well after she had shown her ID to the flight attendant and signed for the handover. Once Ryan was in her arms, she could feel the excitement, but also the trembling. “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Sharon asked holding his face with her hands, looking deep into his watery yet cheerful eyes “You missed us that much?” Ryan wasn’t able to answer - one word and he would have burst into tears, tears of happiness, of relief and of hope. It was overwhelming and so nodding had to be enough for the moment followed by another monster hug.   *** ***   The drive to Waterville was quiet for the newly-arrived guest. Jason was non-stop babbling about what they’d be doing, but Ryan was exhausted from the long flight, the higher temperature of 78° F and the climate change - not to mention the jet lag. Not really listening to his cousin, Ryan watched the scenery go by. An hour later the roughly 70 miles were behind them as they arrived at the home on Water Street where the front door was decorated with a large ‘Welcome Home’ sign and a bunch of colored balloons. Entering the house was like the very first step of Neil Armstrong onto the surface of the moon - a wonderful familiar yet new experience. Ryan had entered this home dozens of times in his life, but this time it was different. It felt more like home than ever before and since he had grown up and was no longer the little kid, his perspective had completely changed. The Campbell house was not as clean and tidy as the one in Eastbourne: stone was replaced with lots of wood, paintings replaced by family pictures, neatness with a little bit of dust and clean air with a slightly nutty scent that spoke of the years and years that families had lived in this home. “How was your flight?” Sharon asked. “Pretty easy, but the change in Washington was freaking unorganized - I had to run but my watchdog wasn’t that fast.” “Watchdog?” “The flight attendant from the solo flyer program...the last one was nice, her name was Caroline.” “Lovely. Jason, will you please help Ryan bring in his stuff. You might as well get everything unpacked and get that out of the way while you’re at it.” “Oh Mom, let him settle down first, okay? He’s been traveling for 12 hours.” “Point taken. Still take the luggage up to your room and at least get the suitcase open, okay? Ryan, are you hungry?” “No, thanks Sharon, I’m fine.” “Okay then boys. If you need anything, let me know. Unfortunately in a couple hours you’ll be on your own. My nightshift starts at 6:00 PM, but I’ll be here with you all day tomorrow and then we can chat and spend some time together, okay?” Both boys nodded before they grabbed Ryan’s stuff and headed upstairs. “Ryan?” “Yes?” “It’s good to have you here,” said Sharon, full of affection, a warm genuine smile on her face. “Thanks for having me, and sorry that I’m a bit tired.” “No worries - up you go! I’ll call Susan so she knows you arrived safely.”   *** ***   Thirty minutes later Ryan dropped onto the mattress next to his cousin’s bed after exchanging his pants for shorts as Jason kept his end of the conversation non-stop. Finally the traveler could take a deep breath and let go of everything: the worries were gone, no fears were felt and his excitement slowly faded away. Not long after closing his eyes he fell asleep to the relaxing sound of Jason’s voice talking and talking and talking. Making some room in his dresser to stuff his cousin’s clothes in, completely oblivious to Ryan’s condition, Jason said, “We could go swimming later on. What do you think?” “We could go swimming later on. What do you think?” No answer. “Ryan?” No answer. “Gosh, you didn’t really fell asleep now, did you?” Still, no answer. The barely perceptible sound of the younger boy’s slow, rhythmic breathing was mixed with the singing of the wild birds outside and some screaming from other kids in the neighborhood splashing in a pool. A short break wouldn’t harm either of them, Jason concluded and laid down on his stomach on his own bed taking in the younger lad he had craved to be with for so long. Jason felt complete and satisfied. He wondered why he hadn’t missed Ryan so intensely ever before - these feelings had started one or two weeks ago. Somehow it was different this time - his feelings were different. But what had changed? He doffed the thought and enjoyed the moment. Ryan’s contented breathing had a relaxing aura that slowly took over and calmed Jason down as well. Now he had the time to carefully look at his ‘brother’ and explore all the changes Ryan’s body had gone through in the last couple of months, at least with his hazel eyes. It was interesting, attracting, compelling - still a mystery why he felt so comfortable looking at the young boy in front of him. Secretly Jason had admired his cousin for his sculpted body, ever since he had started with gymnastics. He didn’t know why, but it was addictive to watch him, it was intimate, especially in such relaxed situations as now. The eyes of 13-year-old Campbell Jr. wandered along Ryan’s body. It was paler than his own from being more inside than outside. He began his visual travel at the boy’s white socks-covered feet: the little fuzzy hair on his athletic legs, the immaculate and curvy skin hiding muscles, always ready for action, the firm buttocks packed in tight boxers which shone through the fabric of his shorts and his v-shaped back. The blue shirt he wore had gone up a bit as he had dropped on the mattress and now exposed a couple of inches of his bare back. Jason’s eyes were glued to this tiny piece of nakedness and counted the vertebrae he was able to see...1...2...3...the fourth one was already hidden by his shirt. Was it excitement he felt staring at his cousin? No, of course not, that would be awkward. But what was it then? Had he felt this with any of his other friends that he’d seen only wearing swim trunks all the time? No, he hadn’t. Was it exploiting a situation of trust and respect? No, it wasn’t. Jason had seen his mate half-naked a million times before - what had changed? Without giving his mind the time to answer these ridiculous questions, he reached out and tentatively touched Ryan’s exposed lower back, carefully and with all possible senses. It felt soft and silky - familiar - but still fascinating. His skin was so thin that Jason could actually feel the lower back muscles reacting to his touch. ‘Only one more touch’ went through his mind, while he wondered if Ryan would like to have his back stroked as much as he would. The intrigued boy retracted his hand and buried it in his own crotch area, where it was warm and comfortable, just to let it rest there. Jason sighed weakly remembering Ryan’s sweet body odor that he had once recognized as they had slept in one bed together years ago - he never forgot it and asked himself if it was still there. Concluding that this had to be figured out sometime, he closed his eyes and also faded away for a couple of minutes, dreaming of the weeks ahead.   *** ***   “OUCH, what was that?” Ryan said with a tired and strained voice, waking up from a deep nap to an itching pain on his head. “Oh, do you have a boo-boo?” “You’ll likely have a boo-boo. Did you just rip out one of my hairs?” “No...I mean perhaps...but not on purpose,” Jason answered with a grin on his face, patting the sleepy boy on his head “you have to get up now or you won’t be able get to sleep tonight!” “Okay, okay, just a couple more minutes.” “No more freaking minutes...get up, get up!” “Yeah yeah.” “I can get some water, if you like?” Jason, being impatient and not really considering the water idea as appropriate, couldn’t resist and jumped on his cousin starting an unfair wrestling attack, which was immediately accompanied by the younger boy screaming and complaining, laughing and struggling. In his mind, Jason sighed - finally Ryan had arrived and the most enjoyable time of the year could start. The boys laughed as both had gotten a share of punching and tickling from the other one. The younger lad still felt a bit dizzy form the exhausting trip. “I guess I need a shower.” “We could hop into the river?” “Hmm, why not, but I’m starving. Is Sharon gone already?” “Guess so, it’s close to six. What do you want?” “Sandwiches?” Ryan answered with hope in his voice - Sharon’s sandwiches were the best in the world with all these special barbecue and sweet and sour sauces she used. “Absolutely! Get your swim trunks and I’ll get something to eat.   *** ***   A brief moment later both kids had a sandwich in their hands and screamed in delight, jumping down from the terrace onto the lawn, running to the end of the garden following the beaten path until they reached the banks of the Kennebec River, less than a couple of hundred feet away from the house. The bank wasn’t fenced nor had any other boundaries besides a couple of trees and lots of bushes surrounding the entire area which gave a bit of privacy. Having a fence was pointless anyway: it wouldn’t stop animals from crossing their property and in addition were no real obstacle for any other intruders so the fencing was left to Mother Nature. The last bit of bread stuffed into their mouths, the boys jumped into the slowly flowing water that had all kinds of dark grey and green colors. It wasn’t a clean river; to be honest it was dirty, but neither of the boys was complaining. They enjoyed the moment despite the water, climbed the riverbank and used the rope hanging from one of the trees to swing and splash into their private ‘pool’ over and over again. In between, Ryan pulled himself up at the rope and did some pull-ups on the branch where the rope was tied. Not only to his own surprise about how easy it still felt, but also to the applause of his cousin who was useless when it came to rope climbing. But then, this was usual business for a gymnast at level 9. The refreshing dip did its work and Ryan was once again fully awake. The past was behind him - for now. He was able to forget his demons, at least for the moment. He hadn’t felt any sadness even when he saw the family pictures of his Dad and Robbie on the walls in the Campbell house - a good sign. After an hour of jumping into the water, climbing the tree, swimming and dunking, both laid down on the shoreline grass drying themselves in the sun that was chasing away the reflecting drops of water from their young bodies. “That was fun!” Jason mentioned folding his arms behind his head. “Oh yeah, haven’t done that for a very long time.” “How long has it been since you quit going to the gym?” “Half a year I guess.” “Crazy how easy it is for you - I can’t even do one pull-up.” “It’s just a matter of training - not that difficult.” “Sure, but look at my chest and look at yours. I look like a skinny dork in comparison to you.” “No, you’re not!” “Of course I am.” “Whatever...Do you want me to help you do a little training?” “Training?” “Sure, we do a couple of exercises each day and in two weeks’ time, you’ll be able to do...let’s say ten pull-ups.” “Cool, why not. I could use some muscles.” “You sure could!” Ryan said poking his cousin in the ribs. “Hey...you may have stronger muscles, but I can still beat the shiz out of you.” “Just because you’re taller?” “Yep.” “HA, I don’t think so. But I don’t wanna fight you anyway.” “Me neither.” It was not that Jason had no muscles. He still was a fit young lad and played a lot of sports, but was actually not as compact as his cousin. And Ryan secretly liked to show off. He liked his strength, the ability to have full control over his body, the skills to do things others could only dream of. In any case, he realized that he really missed gymnastics but only if he could overcome the ‘Gareth chapter’ in his life. A moment of silence surrounded the boys, both with their eyes closed, before Jason rolled onto his side, supported his head and watched Ryan lying on his back. This was an even better view than he had as his cousin had been lying on the bed taking a nap. “Can you still do the splits?” Jason asked out of curiosity. “Yeah, sure I can“ The younger of the two got up and in one move dropped into the sideways split as he had secretly done at home regularly to remain flexible. “Wow, don’t you miss the gym training?” “Yeah, sometimes I do,” Ryan said with an intense voice, bending forward directly going into a handstand, holding it for about ten seconds before he sat back down onto the grass. “Then, why don’t you go back?” “I don’t know.” “Hello-ooo Ry-aann, anybody home? It’s me you’re talking to. Of course you know - you’ve never done anything without a reason.” “Yeah, you’re right. You know me too well. But it’s...private!” “Private?” “Yes.” “Private? Nothing’s private between us.” Ryan thought that he could fool his trainer, fool his mother, even fool Sharon, although it never felt good, but he wasn’t able to fool Jason. He had to think of a logical excuse, fast! Sighing, he said “Right you are, but I can’t talk about it.” “Why not, that’s crazy. It’s me, we can talk about everything.” “Not that.” “Phewww. What’s going on? Did I do anything wrong?” “No, of course not.” “Then why don’t you trust me anymore?” “Oh come on, I’m too tired to have a meaningful talk.” Ryan said still feeling the exhaustion from his travel. “No way....what do I have to do to make you tell?” “Nothing, I’ll tell, but not today, okay? “Okay, deal!” ‘That was close’ Ryan thought. He never wanted the cousin that he loved to feel left out or give him the impression that he didn’t trust him. Especially because of the still new and strange feelings he had for Jason - mysteriously similar to the ones he had for Gareth. But it had been a long day, his mind wasn’t exactly running on all eight cylinders and his body was tired. ‘Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after...’ went through his mind. “Shall we go back in?” Ryan asked. “Yeah, I need a shower, I’m stinking like a fish. Oh by the way, we could go fishing - there’s Striper, Salmon and Bluefish in the river.” “What’s Striper?” Ryan knew nothing about fishing, although he liked to eat fish and chips - well, at least freshly made ones. “Striper is a nickname for striped Bass.” “Oh, how come you know that?” “I told you already while we drove home?” “Oh, I’m sorry. Guess I was distracted.” “Whatever, I went fishing with Uncle Harry in April and he taught me a lot about fishing, the river and all its creatures. Crazy enough that we’ve lived here close to a river full of fish for ages and I didn’t know a damn thing about them.” “Cool, I’ve never been fishing - would love to try it.” “Great, then we’ll do that.” The boys jumped up and strolled back towards the house. Without thinking too much, Jason got close to Ryan and put an arm around his mate, showing his brotherly affection. And even though the couple was different in many ways: in height, build, hair, tan and muscles, they were connected in a unique and wonderful way - both with hearts big enough to hold the world. Besides that it felt good to have bodily contact.   *** ***   “Will you go first?” Jason asked arriving back in his room. “Yep.” “Here’s a large and a small towel - you can leave them in the bathroom, if you like.” “Cool thanks. I have to grab my stuff first. You wanna have the towel? You’re dripping all over the place. I don’t want Sharon to be mad at us.” Ryan mentioned and held the small towel in the direction of his cousin. “As well as you.” “Yeah, but I’ll get rid of it now.” “No, it’s fine, I’ll drop it, too.” That said, Jason opened the waistband of his swim trunks and with the back towards his cousin dropped them onto the floor. The younger boy, holding in for a second watching the firm butt of the 5 foot 2 inch body in front of him, threw the smaller towel at him and went for the bath room, recognizing the same feelings he once had in the gym shower with Gareth - only this time without the connected humiliation. “See you in a minute!” Ryan said as he left the room, quickly trying to get a peek at Jason’s crotch, but didn’t score a look. The bathroom was large and it kind of looked like it was part of a different house. It had been freshly remodeled and everything was new, large, and shiny with all the glass and chrome fixtures, not like the rest of the house. It was a wonderful place to clean yourself or take care of your own business. As usual Ryan would take a couple of days until it would all feel familiar and he would run around without feeling like a guest in this house, although he’d felt at home the instant he entered the house this time. Still that little bit of restraint was left that you feel when you’re not inside your own four walls even though you know the place. But nothing held the young boy back from dropping his swim trunks and hopping into the shower. In the past he had never locked the bathroom door - didn’t even think about it - a big mistake. At home Susan wouldn’t dare to come into the bath when Ryan was showering, so he wasn’t expecting visitors anyway. Jason, still waiting in his room with a towel around his waist, was a bit nervous and full of questions. He asked himself, why Ryan hadn’t just dropped his swim trunks in his room as he’d done in the past because the younger of them had never been shy about his body. Did Jason scare him in any way by going naked in front of him and if so why would he be scared - for what reason? And what was all these questions and worries running around in Jason’s mind? There was nothing to be afraid of - it was Ryan, his brother, his soul mate. While his thoughts raced on he spotted the black boxer briefs that Ryan had laid out but forgotten on the desk next to his still unpacked suitcase. Quickly weighing his options Jason decided to open the bath room door and throw them in so Ryan had something to wear after his shower. Secretly he hoped to get a peek at Ryan’s naked body although the reason for this desire was an unknown to the older boy. No sooner said than done! He grabbed Ryan’s boxers and silently turned the handle of the bath room door opening it only a slit so that he could throw them in. Jason was able to see his cousin barely through the fogged up glass shower, but it was enough to feel excited, enough to again sense that new fantastic feeling in his crotch he last had a couple of hours ago. What Jason saw made him forget the boxers which fell quietly to the floor. Ryan had a firm grip on the shower fittings with one hand and was.....jacking off with the other, immersed in pure pleasure. 5...10...15 seconds passed - only half of which were necessary for Jason to pop an iron spike trying to force its way from under his towel. The sight was both immensely tempting and embarrassing and Jason had no idea if it was more the one or the other. Waking up form this irritating mix of daydreaming and enchantment, he quickly picked up the boxers and tossed them in before silently closing the door. He didn’t want to risk being caught staring and walked back to his room in a bit of a trance, the movie of what he had just seen re-playing on his mind, over and over. He had to get these confusing thoughts out of his mind because they felt so right, but also so wrong. Why was he reacting in such a strange way? He had feelings for his cousin, strong feelings. This he already knew, but it had nothing to do with sex, right? Why was his lower body reacting like this? It hadn’t happened in the showers with any other boy before. Sitting on the bed, he once again decided against all logical reasoning and grabbed his still throbbing dick below the towel, holding in for a couple of seconds. He couldn’t do it, it didn’t feel right. That Ryan was wanking was only normal, all boys do that like himself. But wanking to the image of him, the one he cared for, the one he called his brother, the one he felt something for, whatever that was? No, that wasn’t good. And so Jason collapsed on his bed in discontent while the water was audibly still dribbling down on Ryan in the bath room.   *** ***   “Hey...your turn!” Ryan said entering the room in only his boxers - a gorgeous view Jason tried to avoid staring at - a hopeless try. “Okay...thanks,” the older boy responded looking up and down at the 12-year-old body with that covered lower package in front of him. Either his thing had grown since he last saw him, or it was still pumped up from what he had been doing before. In any case, the bulge in front of him was remarkably bigger than a year ago. “Did YOU bring me my underwear?” Ryan asked while he rummaged about a new shirt and socks in his suitcase. “Yes?!” Fear crept up in Jason’s body, adrenaline was set free and flooded his entire body. Was he caught right in the act? “Cool, thanks.” “Yeah....no problem,” he said while ‘Thank God!’ went through his mind paired with the question if Ryan really didn’t care that he’d seen him wanking or did he just not think about it? This was not going to be easy to answer and certainly not soon.   *** ***   After both boys were clean and freshly dressed, the TV was switched on in the living room accompanied by the beep of the PS2 as it started loading its operating system. Jason was looking forward to FIFA Football 2005 and NBA Live 2005 that he knew were going to be released in September and October. For now the 2004 versions had to serve as the best possible games the Campbells had, although Ryan had never been a big basketball fan. And soccer always reminded him about his Dad and his brother - a good memory though. Jason grabbed a bag of chips and tore them open for both of them to satisfy that bit of the eternal hunger young boys feel at all times. Ryan started with the first game of football, which was actually soccer on the PS2, but failed miserably. It was not even close to the handling of the Xbox controllers and had totally different options. “Holy shiz, you haven’t played for a while uh?” “Not really - I hardly ever play these games. You know I only have an Xbox and who would I play with anyway?” “What do you mean?” “I haven’t had so many friends over during the last months.” “Let me guess, since you quit the gym?” “Shut up!” Ryan said with a grin on his face punching J’s shoulder in a friendly way. “No honestly, why don’t you have any friends over? I have tons of people running in and out of our house, all the time.” “I know, but I’m not like you.” “Why not, you’re so cool to be with?” “You’re picking my brain today aren’t you?” “Yeah, we haven’t seen each other for quite a while and I want to know the whole gym stuff! You never mentioned that on the phone and I didn’t ask. Now it’s time to talk!” “Do you remember our deal?” “Sure.” “Good, NOT today!” “Okay, okay. Take it easy and gimme the controller. Ready for a match?” “Always....I know I’ll lose.” “Wow, what an attitude - where did you hide the chips?” “That’s another question...no questions anymore, okay?!” “Fuck off!” The boys laughed at each other and even if Jason’s straightforward style of asking questions annoyed Ryan a bit, fun took over. Screaming, teasing and grumbling was heard, sometimes at once, as the players on the screen didn’t do what the young lads in control told them to. This went on for another hour until the impact of Ryan’s day finally caught up with him. It was a quarter to nine PM when he asked Jason if they could go upstairs and rest. Even if it wasn’t the time for the 13-year-old to hit the sack, he agreed understanding that the day had been long and exhausting for his cousin. Both slept in their boxers and piled their other clothes on the chair next to Jason’s desk. Once lying in their bed, the boys felt content about being together again. A warm and fuzzy feeling that helped them settle down and breathe slowly. It was still pretty warm outside and since the windows were open, the room was also filled with hot air. Neither of the two covered his body with a blanket - they just lay there, arms folded behind the head immersed in the warm emotions the next days would bring. “Ry?” “Yeah?” “I know this sounds strange,” Jason began “but I’ve missed you.” “Huh?” the younger boy asked turning his head towards his mate. “I said, I missed you.” “I missed you too. Why do you think that it sounds strange?” “Dunno. It may sound...” “..gay?” Ryan threw in. “Gay? No. I didn’t mean it that way. We are brothers and as such, we can say these things, right? But I didn’t want to offend you, we are older now and...” “YOU can’t offend me. Listen, times have been hard for me lately. I’ve had lots of troubles digging through my mind and with Mom and my shrink meddling with it – all those problems are still there. So, sorry if I seem a bit strange.” “You’re not strange Ry. We’ve known each other for so long now; nothing could surprise me.” “I bet I could.” “With what?” “Well, not having anything specific in mind, but I’m sure I could surprise you if I’d want to.” Ryan thought about Gareth and his experience with his own body and desires he had never felt before but he had already decided that these thoughts and feelings would remain secret until the day he died. “Maybe.” Jason on the other hand thought about the arousal from watching Ryan taking a shower and was convinced that this would be something of surprise, too. However, he too intended to take this to his grave. Thereby both youngsters remained silent, feeling happy that the other was just there. It only took half an hour before the boys fell asleep from the excitement of the day.   End of Chapter 4