Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2008 07:02:47 -0700
From: Danny <m12@thedoghousemail.com>
Subject: Simon's Journal: Thirteen Days, Chapter 12 of 13
Simon's Journal
Volume I
Thirteen Days - The First Crusade
A novel by Danny
Chapter 12
February 27, 2004 Friday
I couldn't believe how nice a day it was today; it
was almost like someone gave me this perfect day as a
birthday present. I'm not sure what part of my party I
enjoyed the most. Dad had carried me to the living room
an hour or so before everyone started arriving for the
party. I couldn't believe how many people showed up; it
was like a mad house. Mr. Freeman, my principal, had
arrived dressed as a clown. He had the big shoes, costume
and even the big red nose. His wife, nurse Gabby from the
hospital had come, too, and she wasn't alone. She'd
arranged for all the boys that had been my roommates in
the hospital to come to my party, heck even Kyle was
there though he was strapped into a wheelchair to keep
him from trying to walk since he was missing his one leg.
Having all the guys from the hospital come wasn't the
shocking part, what really shocked me was the fact that
every last one of them came wearing diapers and their
hospital gowns. Some had on bathrobes, but for the most
part they were only clad in their diapers. I couldn't
believe it! Oh sure, I was in my own diaper, but at least
mom had put a pair of pants on me along with my Panther
Jersey.
Jasper, Lowell, Mike and my brother Jamie had all
showed up about the same time with their parents. Lowell
plopped down on the sofa next to me and I heard that
sound that told me he wasn't wearing a pull up this time,
but was wearing a disposable diaper and from the look of
Jasper's pants, I was guessing he was, too. Everyone was
carrying in presents and stacking them on the fireplace
hearth; of course there was no fire in the fireplace.
To my complete surprise Tater, Bull, Runt and Two-
Toes came walking in the front door looking perfectly
normal and not upset in the least. I took it as a sign
that the news broadcast I had heard last night wasn't
about them after all. They were followed by their coach
and then mine who was then followed by every one of my
new teammates.
Mary was the one that really made me happy when she
came in followed by a man I didn't know. She had her arm
in a sling and I could just see the cast peeking out. She
smiled and I melted like butter.
The stack of presents was so high that I couldn't
see the fireplace; it was all just so overwhelming and
everywhere I looked there were people. Most of the kids
had piled in the living room with me, a bunch of adults
were in the kitchen, den and dinning room talking with my
parents or themselves. The two coaches were over talking
by the pile of presents and Mr. Freeman was wandering
around the house making balloon animals, balloon hats and
all sorts of other balloon things. He kept looking at me,
winking and honking a bicycle horn that was hanging
around his neck. He was enjoying making me laugh, which
didn't hurt as much as I thought it should.
Dad hung a piņata that looked a little too much like
my head, busted up eye and all from the ceiling fan in
the living room as kid after kid took turns swinging at
it while blindfolded. It was my brother Jamie that finally
made contact with it as candy and money came spilling out
all over the place. That was really cool to watch as the
candy, coins and dollar bills rained down on everyone as
they scrambled to catch it.
The opening of my presents was really cool. I don't
know whose idea it was but instead of me opening all the
presents the person that brought the present opened it
for me. I got all kinds of really cool stuff and probably
the best thing was the tickets to go see WWE Raw
wrestling live in two weeks, those were from my brother
Jamie and his mom.
Everybody helped me to blow out the candles on my
cake before we all had some with ice-cream. Then the
party started to break up a little at a time, while some
people still stood around talking and having a good time.
It was so incredibly nice outside that after the
party had pretty much died down a bunch of us went out to
the front porch. I actually walked myself out but Nurse
Gabby, who was now wearing Mr. Freeman's big red clown
nose and with my dads' assistance, they helped me along.
I was feeling better then I had since I got beat-up.
Jasper, Mike, Jamie and I were sitting on the front
steps of my house and most of my guests had left. Jamie
was sitting on my left side, Jasper was to my right and
Mike was sitting to Jasper's right and was trying
feverishly to solve the Rubik's-Ball that Jasper had
given me for a present. We were looking at the latest WWE
wrestling magazine and commenting on how the newer
wrestlers didn't seem to have what the older more
experienced wrestlers seem to have or used to have in
some cases like Triple-H and Rick Flair. We were also
ogling the WWE lady wrestlers when Jasper suddenly froze
solid and let the magazine fall to the step between his
feet. Mike said something like, "What's the deal?" to
Jasper. I heard Jamie say something too but I still don't
know what it was for sure.
I looked up at Jasper to see what was wrong thinking
maybe he'd just had a twinge of pain again from where
he'd been stabbed or something like that, but as I looked
up, I saw that he was white as a sheet and looking
straight ahead toward the street. While Jamie was
reaching down for the magazine Mike and I both turned our
heads to see what had him so spooked and to our horror
there standing on the other side of the street was Peter
Alderman. His head was tilted forward slightly; his hair
was matted down and looked greasy like he'd not bathed in
days. He was looking out of the top of his eyes at the
four of us sitting there. The one odd thing was that it
seemed to be gray and raining on that side of the street
but on our side it was still sunny and warm.
I didn't think-I simply reacted. I was to my feet
and screaming for Bull, Tater and Runt who I knew were
behind the house shooting hoops in the driveway. Though I
was screaming their names the odd thing was, I couldn't
hear myself at all, yet I knew sound was coming out of my
mouth. I started to take my first step to run around to
get them when I heard this incredibly loud explosion and
my left side suddenly felt like it was on fire. I heard
the explosion four more times in really fast succession
and maybe three or four seconds of silence and then one
more explosion.
I stopped dead at the bottom of the steps and looked
toward the direction of the explosions. Peter was no
longer standing across the street but was lying on the
sidewalk and wasn't moving.
It was raining on our side of the street now too as
Tater came flying around the corner of the house followed
by Bull and then Runt who was still carrying the ball. I
turned to them and was going to say something but my
right side was burning so much. I reached around myself
with my left hand and felt something gooey and warm. I
pulled my hand back to look at what was all over it and
saw that it was covered in blood and I couldn't
understand how or why.
I looked up again and saw Bull and Tater flying past
me on either side and Runt was grabbing me by my arms.
It's kind of funny, but I remember telling him, "Be
careful of my sore ribs." Even though they were not
hurting me at all.
I started to turn to see where Bull and Tater had
gone but my legs gave out and I sort of fell down in a
spinning motion. Not hard mind you, because Runt had a hold
of me and helped me down to the grown. As I was falling I
seen the front storm door fly open and Mr. Freeman still
dressed in his clown suite came bursting out followed by
my dad and then Jasper's dad. I looked up at the sky as
my head made contact with the ground with a mild thump.
It was raining so very hard now and the sky had become
completely black except for a single white fluffy cloud
directly over me. I saw it for only a second before
Runt's head eclipsed it. His face was only inches from
mine. He looked to be screaming at me but I couldn't
hear a single word he was saying as rain dripped off his
hair and face.
Dad had grabbed me, pulled me up to him and was
hugging me. Aunt Catharine had come from out of nowhere,
heck I didn't even know she'd come to the party until
that instant. She was standing over the two of us waving
her fat finger at me and screaming, "You did it! You did it
just admit that it was you! You did it!" I had no idea
what she was screaming about and she just kept screaming
that over and over again.
I was able to see from over dads' shoulder that
Jamie was lying face down on the walk with his feet still
on the steps. I couldn't see my other friends because
Bull, Tater and all the adults that had spilled out of
the house were blocking them from my view. I remember
trying to figure why Jamie was laying in such a funny
position and why no one was paying any attention to him.
My side was really burning white hot and at the same
time I was feeling really cold. I saw a flash of green
shoot past my eyes and then everything and everyone was
gone except I could still hear the rain falling.
I lay listening to the rain for several seconds
before I opened my eyes and realized for the first time
that I had been dreaming again. I managed to lift my head
from my pillow to look out my bedroom window. It was still
dark but I could see that it was raining out and pretty
hard too. Somewhere way off in the distance I heard the
rumble of thunder.
I was breathing hard but steady as I rested my head
back against my pillow and thought about the dream I'd
just had. Right up until the end, it had been so good and
so real but then everything turned bad as I realized
Peter had killed my friends and himself.
I closed my eyes for a second, took a deep breath
and then let it go again. I was feeling a bit sweaty and
I am sure that was because of my dream or maybe because I
was so well covered with the sheets and blankets. I
looked over at my clock radio; it said that it was
eighteen minutes after seven.
"Sure is dark out for being after 7 o'clock." I said
as I started to think about my birthday party in my
dream. Funny thing about it was that I'd not even noticed
in my dream that it had gone from Thursday to Sunday and
totally skipped over Friday and Saturday. I guess in
dreams your brain only creates what it needs to keep the
dream going. Now that I think about it, it was odd that
no one seemed to mind or even notice that so many of my
guests were running around in diapers and hospital gowns.
Dismissing the bad part of my dream, I closed my
eyes and tried to recapture all the fun bits. I could
again see my cake, which was completely covered in
candles even though I am only turning twelve.
This birthday is going to only be the third one that
I've ever had that I could actually celebrate on my real
birthday, February 29th, Leap Day. Actually I only
remember two of them since I was only four years old when
my first real birthday came around. Normally we celebrate
my birthday on February 28th since there is only a
February 29th every four years.
My dream nearly vanished completely when there was a
huge crash of thunder that sounded like it was directly
over top our house. I heard mom screech from elsewhere in
the house and a couple minutes later dad came into my
room. When dad saw that I was awake he smiled and asked,
"You okay?"
"Yeah" I said.
"Didn't that scare you?" he asked.
I just smiled and shook my head before saying,
"Sounded like it scared the bajeebers out of mom though."
"Didn't do to good for me either." Dad said with a
smile and clutching at his heart, "You ready to get up?"
I noticed at that second that dad wasn't wearing his
normal suit and tie. "Hey, aren't you going to work
today?"
"I am going in later this morning for an hour or two
but I thought it would be better if I was here." He said
before asking again, "So, you ready to get up?"
"Um," I hesitated as I realized I was again wearing a
soaked diaper and from the feel of it I thought I might
have messed myself again while I'd been sleeping. The
thought of having pooped myself while I slept really
bothered me; I could understand having wet since that is
a perfectly normal thing for me to do but pooping was not
normal.
"What?" dad asked looking a bit concerned as that
wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows.
I must have started to turn red because he got that
look that said he understood. "You want me to get your
mother?" he asked pointing at the door.
Okay, now the thought of pooping myself while I
slept was bad but the idea of mom having to clean it up
again really didn't sit well with me. I shook my head but
I don't think dad saw. He was already heading for the door.
A few minutes later mom came in wiping her hands with one of
the dishtowels.
"Oh good morning sweet-heart. Did you sleep well?"
she asked slinging the towel over her shoulder.
"Not really." I answered, "I kept having weird
dreams." I chose not to tell her that they were so
violent and bad.
"I thought so." She said as she sat down on my bed
and combed my hair with her fingers. "I could hear you
talking in your sleep most of the night." She said with a
smile.
The thought that some of my secrets might have
escaped while I slept scared me more then my dreams had.
"You want to try to take a bath this morning?" mom
asked.
"Um" I hesitated again, "I think I have a
situation." I said, almost mumbling.
Mom's eyes told me that she understood what I meant.
"That's okay, honey, with everything you have been
through and all the medication." She smiled again, "It
doesn't surprise me at all."
Trying to think of a way to get cleaned up without
having my mother do it I asked, "Can I just take a shower
and wash it all off that way?"
I could tell she didn't much like that idea but she
said, "Do you think you can take a shower by yourself?"
"I can hold on to the wall." I assured before
continuing, "I might need dad's help getting up and
getting into the shower."
Sitting up in the bed proved to be the hardest part
of my morning journey to-and-back from the shower. Dad
came in and helped me get sat up in bed. I was nearly
moved to tears with how much it hurt to move at all. When
he sat me up I felt the poop in my diaper squish and
spread all over my backside. It was so gross that I
nearly lost control and started to cry; I had to bite the
inside of my cheek to keep myself together. I felt so
humiliated sitting there in my own filth and my thoughts
went back to my last dream and to Peter lying dead on the
ground across the street. I was in so much pain that
I actually wished at the moment that it had been real.
After I sat there for several minutes, dad had
opened the window a crack to let out the stink; he then
started to help me out of my bed. It was the first time
since I'd come home that I had got off my bed too. He was
kneeling in front of me while I held on to his shoulders
and mom was holding on to my right arm and shoulder. My
diaper was drooping way down between my legs but I tried
my best not to think about the fact that I was standing
there in front of both of my parents wearing a wet and
soiled diaper like a little baby.
As my legs got used to having weight on them again
mom asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah it doesn't hurt a lot." I lied sort of
breathlessly.
"Well let's take it nice and slow. We have all day."
Dad said gripping me tighter around my waist.
I started to turn my upper body without turning my
hips but I stopped immediately when I felt a sharp pain.
"Okay ... I'm not going to do that again!" I joked as
my fingers dug into dads' shoulders. "Yeah, that looked
like it hurt." He said with a chuckle.
"It did!" I assured with an accompanying grimace.
"You ready to try walking now?" mom asked and I just
nodded my head.
Dad stood up in front of me and was still stooping
down a little so that I wasn't so stretched. I took hold
of both of his biceps as I took a step. I felt a twinge
from my ankle but it was only a small one. I took another
step and another. Mom had gone a head of us to their
master bathroom to get it ready for me as dad walked
backwards down the hall holding tightly to me. My legs
still felt a little wobbly from hardly being used at all
the last few days. I was going to take a shower in their
bathroom because, as dad said, it was bigger and there is
a built in seat in it. I'd had to use their toilet before
when someone else was in the hallway bathroom but I had
never used their tub and shower before. The master
bathroom was nicer then mine, with everything all white
and nice gold colored faucets. The floor and walls were
all covered with a marble looking ceramic tile and they
had a double sink, one for dad and one for mom. I had
joked in the past that they needed a second toilet, too.
Once in the bathroom mom left us alone since it was
a bit crowded with the three of us in there. Getting my
right foot into the tub was easy, getting my left proved
to be more difficult. For some reason, when I tried to
lift my left foot high enough to get it in the tube it
would hurt my ribs. I ended up having to have dad let me
hold on to his shoulders while he lifted my left foot and
leg into the tub for me.
Unfortunately, I was a little unsteadier then I
thought I would be and I ended up having to let dad
remove my wet and soiled diaper for me. I had to hold on
to the wall with one hand and the diaper was so weighted
down that I was having trouble getting it off with my
free hand. One thing about mom, she sure can put a diaper
on snugly enough that it won't just fall off.
I braced myself against the wall as dad removed the
tapes to my diaper and slid it out from between my legs.
I hazarded a glance at dad who was green and looked like
he was struggling not to barf. He rolled the diaper up
and dropped it into the trashcan before reaching around
and turning on the water. He got it to a good temperature
before pulling on the lever that caused the water to come
out through the showerhead.
I had expected the water to come out cold for the
first couple seconds but it didn't. It was the perfect
temperature as it rained down on me. For several seconds
I forgot that dad was kneeling on the floor still holding
me around my waist as I enjoyed the feeling of the warm
water.
"You doing okay." He asked sounding a little
alarmed. I guess he thought I might be trying to pass out
or something.
"Yeah!" I answered remembering he was there and just
then a shiver ran up my spine as my body reacted to the
warmth of the water. The shiver, which normally would
have gone nearly unnoticed, caused a piercing pain that
nearly made one knee buckle. I felt dad's grip tighten.
"I'm okay!" I gasped still holding my head down as
the water flowed over me.
"Tell you what, why don't you let me help you get
cleaned up this time." Dad said and I didn't even attempt
to protest. That shiver and the subsequently pain took a
lot out of me.
Dad proceeded to lather up a rag with the soap and
washed the poop from my backside, from between my legs
and even off my boyhood parts. Once dad was satisfied
that he had cleaned my diaper areas well enough he had me
backup and sit on the little built in seat in their
shower while he continued to wash the rest of me. When he
was washing my feet it tickled and I nearly laughed but
dad said jokingly, "Don't laugh or you will hurt
yourself!"
Once he had me soaped up all over he helped me to
stand back up and get back under the water again. I
wanted to wash my own hair but lifting my arms up that
high was out of the question at that moment. As I was
rinsing the shampoo out, I started to get the feeling that
I needed to pee, however, it wasn't until I was actually
going that I realized what I was doing. I had my eyes
closed most of the time dad was bathing me; somehow
thinking that if my eyes were closed I wouldn't be as
embarrassed to be naked and washed by my own father. When
I realized I was standing under the water peeing in
front of my dad my eyes shot open in surprise and the
shampoo got in them both. My bad eye hurt the most as I
screamed at the pain and heard dad saying in a commanding
tone, "Open your eyes and let the water run in them!"
It was hard to do but I did and though the water
stung, too, it was nothing compared to the shampoo. When
the shampoo was rinsed from my eyes I realized that dad
was now standing in the tub and was holding me up since I
had let go of the wall and was holding my eyes.
Dad started to laugh when he realized that I was
okay. I looked over and mom was standing in the doorway
to the bathroom looking both scared and surprised before
smiling and then breaking into laughter at the sight of
dad, fully dressed standing in the shower getting even
wetter while holding on to my limp nude body. I'm so glad
mom had not thought to grab the camera at that second.
When dad suggested that I let him carry me back to
my room I didn't protest that, either. Wrapped in a towel
he put one arm behind my back and the other under my legs
as he lifted me off the floor. He was still dripping wet
and I could tell that mom wasn't happy about him dripping
all over her house. I've got wooden floors in my room
with only a small woven oval rug in the center between
Jamies and my bed, so dad dripping in my room wasn't such a
big deal. However, most of the rest of the house has wall to
wall carpeting and the carpet in their room is less then
a year old. Mom was going behind us with another towel
wiping the carpet; it was actually a little funny to
watch her.
Back in my room dad turned and started to place me
on my bed and as he did I thought I saw something move
out of the corner of my eye over by the window. It was
still raining and still pretty dark out; though it should
have been daylight by now. I snapped my head around to
see what had caught my eye but there was nothing there. I
guessed it had been lighting or maybe something blew past
and that quickly I forgot about it as my backside made
contact with my mattress and it gave a crinkle as it took
my weight.
Dad had deposited me so that I was sitting on the
edge of my bed with my feet on the floor. Mom was still
wiping my floor and grumbling for dad to go change. I
thought for a second or two that she was going to follow
him out of my room, wiping up behind him but instead she
only wiped off my floor up to the door before getting up
and tossing the towel into my laundry basket.
I was still sitting on the edge of my bed wrapped in
my towel. My hands were folded in my lap as I sat looking
vulnerable and moist. Mom smiled and said, "You look
adorable sitting there with your hair all messy like
that."
I blushed slightly and looked down at my toes on the
floor before speaking, "Can I get on my computer today?"
"You think you can sit in your computer chair?" she
asked.
"Well I'm sitting up here and it doesn't hurt?" I
answered.
"Okay, but I think we should get something else on
you other then that wet towel." She said leaning over and
kissing the top of my head before placing a finger under
my chin and lifting my face up. "Your eye looks really
good today, a bit red though."
"I'd got shampoo in it." I said before asking, "You
going to put more of that nasty smelling stuff on me?"
She let go of my chin with a coy smile and said, "I
think so."
I groaned.
She went to my dresser, opened the third drawer from
the top and pulled out a pair of sweatpants I'd not seen
before. "I bought these for you while you were in the
hospital. I thought they would make it easier for you
until you are feeling better."
She held them up for me to see. They were navy blue
with three white stripes going down the sides with silver
snaps. That was when I realized they were breakaway pants
like NBA players wear. They unfasten on the sides for
quick removal.
"Wow I like those!" I said as she held them out for
me to touch. They were soft, very soft like teddy bear
soft.
"I know you don't like zip-up shirts but I got one
that matches these just in case you like them." She
added.
"Yeah I do like them, they are so soft." I said
rubbing one of the pant legs against my cheek.
She dropped the pants down over my head before
returning to the same drawer and pulling out the matching
sweatshirt. I pulled the pants off my head and jokingly
said, "Hey!" Mom just gave me a smile.
She was right, the shirt had a zippered front but it
wasn't zippered all the way; only about six inches down
from the neck for bigheaded people, I guess.
I sat the pants on my bed and let my towel open and
fall off my chest. My boyhood parts were still covered
but this way I could try the shirt on right away.
"You're tape is coming loose." Mom pointed out.
I looked down and sure enough, two bits of the tape
that was around my chest had come loose. I was trying to
get them to stick again when mom said, "Not to worry,
that nice nurse ... what was here name?"
"Gabby?" I offered.
"Yes that's the one! She gave us more tape." She was
out of the room before I could say anything else and back
again in a jiffy. In her hands were a roll of the same
medical tape I was currently wrapped in and a pair of
silver medical looking scissors like I'd seen in the
hospital.
"You going to put some on over this or take this
off?" I asked and my voice quivered when I said the word
- off.
"I think we can add some to hold you together
for now. I think we'll let the doctor worry about
changing it later." It sounded like she was asking my
permission more then telling me what we were going to do.
"I like that idea better." I said sounding quite
relieved. The idea of having the tape pulled off my skin
was not something I was even remotely ready for today.
Mom put fresh tape over the loose areas as well as
wrapping a couple new bands around the lower area where
it looked to be rolling up at the edges just above my
tummy from me sitting up I guessed.
Once she had me securely taped up again she helped
me put on the shirt which proved to be harder then I
thought it would be. Putting my arms up in the air
stretches out my ribs and really hurts a lot but we got
it on. It was so warm and comfy like a nice warm blanket.
But the warm feeling didn't last long when my eyes met
hers. She squatted down in front of me, placed both her
hands on my towel covered knees and said, "Don't you
think we should keep using the diapers for a while. I
mean just until you are able to move and take care of
things on your own again?"
My heart sank at the thought of having to have my
mom see me naked on a regular basis for who knows how
long. But at the same time, somewhere way in the back of
my brain I was thinking off all those stories I'd read
online about boys being put back into diapers by there
mom's and it kind of excited me as much as it scared me.
I heard myself pleading, "Can't I just use the
Goodnites?"
"I'm not sure they are going to do so well with the
messes?" she said and I knew what she meant by messes. I
could just envision pooping in a Goodnite and having it
ooze out the leg openings and getting all over my clothes
and bedding. My chin dropped to my chest as I realized my
fate for the next week or two or maybe more.
Mom gave my cheek a pat with her hand before she
stood up and went to my dresser where she opened the
drawer second from the top where my pullover shirts
usually were. When her hand came back out I saw she was
holding a while disposable diaper and I realized that
either while I slept last night or maybe while I was in
the shower this morning she'd come in and reorganized my
dresser to make room for the diapers.
As she came back over to me my chin again fell to my
chest. Despite or maybe because of the inner struggle I
was having, I felt my eyes beginning to water. Mom must
have sensed it too because she knelt down in front of me
and wrapped her arms around me so very gently so as to not
hurt my ribs. I let my head fall to her shoulder and
buried my face in her neck as I began to weep softly.
Mom held me like that for a good ten minutes. It was
the first time in a very long time that she'd just held
me. Neither of us said anything and it wasn't until I
realized I smelled something burning that I lifted my
head off her.
"What's that smell?" I asked.
"I'd guess that your father is making breakfast."
Mom said anxiously, with a vaguely worried look on her
face. When dad cooked that usually meant a very big mess
in the kitchen and seeing how mom's such a neat freak,
having dad in her kitchen again without her supervision
was probably driving her nuts.
Mom looked toward my door and while smiling at her I
said, "I will wait here for you."
She smiled back, set the diaper on the bed next to
me and shot out of my room and down the hall. An instant
later I heard her squeal, "Honey how'd you get it on the
ceiling?" and I couldn't help but laugh though it pained
me to do so.
So there I was, sitting with a nice warm shirt on, a
somewhat wet towel wrapped around my lower half, a fresh
diaper laying on the bed next to me while I listened to
the clanking of pots and pans and the occasional squeals
and shrieks from mom. I could tell by the sound of her
voice that she wasn't mad, just very annoyed. I reached
over to my bedside table and grabbed up the remote to the
TV. I figured I'd see what was on and maybe catch some
early morning news to see if there was anything new about
the robberies.
Unfortunately, there was news about the latest
robbery. The lady news reporter said that the second
shooting victim died during the night at Saint Vincent's
Hospital from complications during surgery. The report
went on for a bit after that but I wasn't really
listening anymore. All my fears had come back again and
there was this voice inside my head that was screaming at
me to call the police and spill my guts out to them.
I was nearing the point of a total breakdown when a
new feeling came over me; I felt like someone was
watching me. I turned my head toward the door expecting
to see dad or mom but no one was there. I looked toward
my window, it was still dark and raining but I saw no one
there either. I wanted to get up and go to the window but
I was not sure I should try that on my own yet. I
continued to watch the window right up until dad spoke
and scared me so bad I nearly passed out from the pain
caused when my whole body jerked back around.
"Effing hell!" I cried out, except I had said the
real thing while I was leaning forward on my hands and
knees on the floor with dad leaning over me.
"HONEY!" Dad shouted through the house to mom who
appeared in my room like magic. Well actually I could
only see her from the knees down so I assumed the rest of
her came along with her feet.
Dad was going on and on about how sorry he was for
scaring me so bad. I was biting into my bottom lip about
as hard as I could as my tears splashed onto the floor.
The scare was so bad that it had triggered my first
asthma attack since Peter had broken my ribs. Mom had
retrieved one of my inhalers with the speed only a mother
has and was trying to get me to open my mouth and use it
but I was too busy bearing down on my lower lip.
"SIMON, TAKE YOUR INHALER!" Dad shouted at me and
popped me on the back of the head with his hand to get my
attention.
I opened my mouth finally and sucked in three full
blast of the inhaler before letting it drop to the floor.
My head dropped so that I was looking between my arms and
down my chest. I realized my towel had come off and that
I was fully exposed from the waist down. Regrettably, I
was not in a condition to do anything about it just then.
My elbows were locked straight, my back was arched like a
witches cat and my toes were curled so tightly they
ached.
"Breathe, honey!" mom said in her motherly tone. I
didn't, instead I clinched my teeth together and lifted
my head again. Dad promptly popped me on the back of my
head a second time and without a voice command from him I
exhaled and then took in a shallow breath, then another
and another, deeper each time. My elbows became unlocked
and caused my arms to wobble.
Dad stood up and straddled my back. For half a
second I honestly thought he was going to try to ride me
like a wild horse but instead he reached and grabbed me
under my armpits and pulled me back up so that I was now
sitting on my feet in a sort of kneeling position with my
arms still extended out in front of me with mom holding
both my hands.
"What happened?" mom asked and I didn't know if she
was asking me or dad but it was all I could do to breathe
at the moment so I didn't even bother to attempt to speak
again.
"I came in and accidentally startled him. He jumped
and fell forward off the bed." Dad answered.
"I'm okay." I finally spoke as I took another
breath.
Mom sort of half smiled and bobbed her head from
side to side as she said, "Well you nearly scared the
life right out of me! I dropped the whole carton of eggs
on the kitchen floor."
I started to chuckle at that but stopped at the
first twinge of pain. Dad still had a hold of me by my
armpits, which was starting to hurt more then my ribs
did. "Dad you're hurting me." I said breathily as I tried
to shrug my shoulders as a sign for him to loosen his
grip. But when I did that there was an audible deep
popping sound from within my chest a little below my left
nipple. The three of us froze as if time had stopped. Mom
had her eyes locked onto mine for what seemed like
several minutes but was probably only several seconds.
None of us did anything until I let out a small squeak
and then released what air was still in my lungs.
"You all right?" dad asked, sounding very scared.
"Ah, um I think so." I answered back. I still wasn't
moving but I was breathing slowly and shallowly at first.
"It doesn't hurt?" I softly said more like I was
asking myself a question.
"What?" mom asked.
"My ribs, they ..." I took a slightly deeper
breath, "they don't hurt!" I said with more confidence
this time.
I felt dad's grip on my armpits and shirt loosen as
he let my shoulders come back down. "Don't move!" dad
said now pulling his hands away completely. Mom
conversely was gripping my hands so tightly my fingers
were turning white.
Dad's command not to move was really unneeded. I had
absolutely no intention of moving, not even a fraction of
an inch. For the first time in days my chest wasn't
shooting messages of pain to my brain for whatever reason
and I didn't want to do anything just yet to reconnect
that message line.
Dad moved around in front of me after getting mom to
relinquish her death grip on my poor hands. He knelt down
in front of me, slowly lifted my arms to place my hands
behind his neck. Without being told I locked my fingers
together.
"I'm going to hold you by your hips and I want you
to stand up with me okay?" dad said looking directly into
my eyes. I'd never noticed before how much of my father I
could see just by looking into his eyes.
"Ready? Here we go." he said and the two of us
began to raise off the floor and to our feet in a smooth motion
without the slightest pain from my chest, although my legs
did protest a bit as did my knees. I supposed my knees
hurt from falling forward and landing on them first
before reaching out with my hands to catch myself from
falling right onto my chest. I can only imagine how much
that would have hurt had I not caught myself.
"Keep breathing please!" mom said in a singsong
voice and I turned my head to see that her face was
nearly as close to mine as dads was. I took another
breath.
"Still doing okay?" dad asked. I looked back up into
his eyes again.
I shook my head up and down, "Yeah, still feels
okay." I said not sure I believed it.
"Good, then what say we get you laying down again?"
dad asked with a smirk.
I nodded again.
"You are right at the side of your bed, so just sit
down. Alright?" dad instructed and for the first time I
realized I could smell the toothpaste on his breath. I
wondered to myself how my own breath must smell to him
since I'd not brushed them in a while.
As I was going down I did feel just the tiniest of
pain but not so very bad really. Mom had picked up the
towel and once I was all the way down draped it over my
lap for me.
"You still doing okay?" dad asked now that I was
sitting back on my bed.
"Yeah" I said yet surprised at how much I wasn't
hurting.
"Good! Then do you want to let go of my neck before
you break it?" dad said smiling and I realized I was
cling to the back of his neck so tightly my fingertips
were white. When I let go he took hold of my forearms and
lowered them to my lap nice and slow.
"Tell ya what," dad said looking past his shoulder
at mom and then back at me, "What do you say we not do
that again?"
I took a fairly deep breath, felt another small
twinge and said as I let it out, "Yeah, that was enough
fun for a while." Dad then reached out and wiped the
tears from my face for me.
Mom had put her hands on her hips as if to protest
the fact that dad and I were obviously not taking this
whole matter seriously enough. Once dad helped me to lie
back down and had swung my legs up onto the bed mom took
over my care.
With a look of mild disgust she told dad, "You can
go clean up the eggs in the kitchen!" to which dad just
shrugged and walked out.
Mom didn't say anything else as she pulled the
diaper out from under my right shoulder from where she'd
left it before running off to see what dad was doing to
her kitchen. Without removing the towel she lifted my
right leg and slid the diaper under me, and then lowering
my leg back down to the bed. She didn't take the towel
away until she was ready to pull the front of the diaper
up into place and she did that quickly. I'd had my eyes
closed the entire time she was re-diapering me, which
helped me to disconnect myself from the moment.
After she had the diaper snugly into place she went
ahead and put the new pants on me too by first opening
all the side snaps and again lifting my leg enough to
slip them under my now diapered bottom. It was then just
so simple for her to pull them over the front of my
diaper and re-snap them down the outside of both of my
legs.
Before leaving me to go salvage breakfast, she pulled
my covers up over my feet to keep them warm and zipped my
shirt up to my chin. Once she had left, I pulled the
zipper back down and stared at the ceiling as I
concentrated on my breathing and the lack of pain I was
feeling.
Eventually mom came back in carrying the eye
ointment in one had and my sipper cup in the other. As
she set the cup down on my bedside table she said, "Well
we're out of eggs now!" I couldn't help but giggle as she
sat down on the edge of my bed, "So what would you like
for breakfast then?"
While she was squeezing the cream out onto her
finger I said, "Pop Tarts would be good."
"Okay! Sure," she said and from the sound of her
voice I guessed she was relieved that she wasn't going to
have to cook anything. I was going to ask if I could have
them toasted hot but I decided I would just wait and take
them anyway she brought them to me.
With my eye now stinking up my room and mom out
getting my Pop Tarts I slowly reached my arms up to my
head and attempted to readjust my pillow. While I was
doing this that same feeling came over me that I was
being watched. This time, however, I chose not to do
anything that would reveal my awareness to my
surroundings. I went ahead and fiddled with my pillow
before lowering my arms back down and resting them on
either side of me. I still had my face pointed toward the
ceiling just as I had been doing but I allowed my eyes to
pear around my room, first at my door that was open and
then to my closet which was closed tight. My eyes tracked
around my room and over to my window. It was still
raining but with my head lying in the position it was in
I couldn't see the lower window sash. I let my head roll
to the side, reached out for my sipper cup, I then tilted
my chin down just enough to allow me to look past my cup,
but not so much that it would appear that I was looking.
Sure enough down in the lower left corner of my
window I saw the silhouette of half a head. I couldn't
see any distinguishing features but I could tell that it
was a head for sure. I turned my head slightly as though
I was now watching the TV that was still on. There was
some morning show on with two ladies and a man talking
about some New York party they had attended the previous
evening. Still faking like I was watching the TV and
drinking from my sipper cup I continued to watch the
figure peering through my window.
My heart was beating so hard that I was able to see
my shirt moving over my heart. I went ahead and took a
swig from my sipper cup and then took my eyes off the
window long enough to put the cup back on my table. When
I looked back the head was gone, a second later dad came
in with a plate containing my Pop Tarts and of course
they were toasted warm. He sat the plate on my little
night table and asked, "Do you want to try sitting up?"
I nodded and said, "Yeah".
He bend over me and with his ear no more then six
inches from my mouth I whispered as he reached his hands
into my armpits and around to my back, "Dad don't look
but someone has been looking in my window."
He paused, looked me directly in the eye and saw
that I was seriously scared. Instead of helping me to sit
all the way up he only lifted me and slid my pillow out
and returned it folded in half so that I was half laying
and half leaning up. As he was lowering me back down on
my pillow he whispered back, "Don't look at the window,
just act like you are watching TV and eating your
breakfast. And then sitting the plate over my diapered
boyhood parts he stood up and walked out of the room as
though nothing was different.
I did just as dad asked and continued watching the
TV or at least acting like I was while I kept looking out
the corner of my eye toward the window. A few seconds
later the head slowly came back into view. I so badly
wished the storm would break for even a second to let the
sun shine down or even for a flash of lightning so that I
might see who it was even though inside I already knew
who it was.
It was maybe another three minutes before I saw
the owner of the silhouetted head spin around and take
off. I then heard sirens and saw the flashing blue and
red lights shining though my window. I knew dad had
called the police and I listened to the siren as it went
past our house and down our street. From the sound of it
I guessed it had turned and headed toward the school.
Mom had come into my room and was closing my
curtains over my window so that no one could look in
again. She then told me that it was who I had already
guessed it to be; Peter Alderman had not gone south as
they thought. I couldn't help but wonder how long he had
been there under my window? Was he there all night? Maybe
longer?
It was a good hour before I heard the doorbell
ring. Before that, dad had returned and helped me to sit
all the way up in bed while he and mom tried to assure
me that I was perfectly safe. Really I wasn't so much
scared for me as I was for mom and dad. I already knew
what Peter was capable of doing to me, but I didn't know
just what he might try to do to them to get to me.
As I had hoped, the door bell had herald the arrival
of my ber own personal Amazonian Police Officer who had
come to inform us that they had recaptured Peter and that
he was "On his way to the police station as we speek!"
were her exact words.
I know mom and dad were both relieved to hear that
but I was still concerned.
"What's to keep him from coming back again?" I
finally asked.
"Baby! That bad-child is going away for a very long
time!" She stiffened herself as she added, "And, if I have
anything to say about it, he's not going to see the light
of day until he's an old man!" She waved her red painted
nails in the air symbolically as if she was throwing Peter
far away. Even with her assurances I wasn't feeling all
that confident but I tried not to show it.
Before she left she leaned over the top of my
headboard, took hold of my head with both of her hands
and pulled my face up to hers, "You don't go worrying
about him, okay? I got his number now! You understand
me?" she was trying to look stern but not pulling it off
so well.
"Yes ma'am!" I answered back at her and she kissed
me right between the eyes.
"Oh baby!" she exclamed when she got a wife of the
ointment mom had applied to my sore eye. "That's some funky
medicine they been putting on you!" She wrinkled up her
nose and screwing up here face.
"Yeah, pretty bad stuff, huh?" I said with her still
clutching my face. She gave me a little pat on the good
side of my face before letting go of me.
"Thank you so much!" mom said as they left. I heard
a fourth voice as they were leaving. It was a mans' voice
and I guessed it to be another police officer that must
have been standing out in the hallway where I couldn't
see him. Dad gave my shoulder a pat and smiled at me as
he followed them out.
I sat alone again thinking about Peter. I couldn't
help but wonder if he'd come back to finish me off or if
he had come for some other unknown reason. A part of me
wishes I could talk to him and explain that it wasn't me
that had taken and then hung up those pictures of him,
but I know that will probably never happen.
Once the officers were gone again mom came back to
check on me. I told her I didn't want my Pop Tarts
anymore but she left them next to my bed in case I wanted
them later. She handed me my e-book Aunt Catharine had
given me as an early birthday present. As she was handing
it too me she said, "I feel better about having your
birthday party on Sunday now that I know that boy is
locked away for good!" and the way she said, "that boy"
spoke volumes to just how much she detested Peter for
what he had done to me and how violated she felt having
him around and peeking through our windows. Not until
later that day, when I had journied out of my room, did I
see that she had gone through and closed every curtain in
the house and had every outside light turned on even though,
dispite the gray and gloomiesness of the rain, it was
daylight outside.
I couldn't believe so much had happened this morning
and it was still so early. I think I dozed off for an
hour or so while watching an old episode of the Hollywood
Squares game show on the Retro-Cable channel while I was
doing some journaling.
I didn't sleep long, but I was out long enough to
dream again and this time I dreamt that Peter, Max,
Steven, Johnny, Bull, Tater, Runt, Two-Toe's, Bull's dad
and myself were all in a big dungeon type cell all
chained together and we were using little tiny hammers to
pound away at this huge bolder in the middle of our cell
while these ugly three horned brown Trolls stood naked on
a catwalk overhead and whipped each of us with these long
blue-glowing whips. It was a weird dream but when I awoke
from it I realized I had to do something.
I decided I was going to try to call Bull at home
until it dawned on me that he was probably at school. Even
so, I didn't want to wait all day to talk with him; I
simply didn't know what I was going to do just yet and then
it occurred to me that Bull just might be home. I mean,
since Jasper was sent home from the hospital, maybe Bull
was staying home to take care of him? And even if Bull
wasn't home I could maybe talk with Jasper and find out
what is going on. Anyway, I would like to know how Jasper
is and let him know that Peter had been re-apprehended;
that is if the police hadn't already told them.
"Mom?" I yelled through the house for her and she
appeared in the doorway looking concerned.
"What is it?" she said with one hand resting on the
nape of her neck as she tried to catch her breath.
"Nothing bad." I assured her with a shake of my head,
"I just want to get up!" I said as upbeat as possible.
"I don't think that's a good idea." She came into my
room where I could see her without having to crane my
head backwards, "No, I don't think that is a good idea at
all! You need to rest and let your body heal." She was
standing with her hands on her hips again and though I
knew I shouldn't push things, I did anyway.
"But mom, I am tired of being in here all alone!" I
whined; quite well, I might add, too.
Mom tried to appease me. "Well, your brother is
going to come over this weekend since he didn't get to
stay very long last weekend. He can help keep you
company."
I stammered a bit as I tried to think of a good
excuse to get her to let me get up and go use the phone.
"Yeah but, but, I ... can't I just go to the living
room and watch TV in there? I can stay on the sofa?"
"Honey!" mom called through the house for dad who
came in with only his pants and a tank top undershirt on.
He was holding three ties in one hand and two shirts in
the other.
"Which do you think I should wear to the office?" he
asked, holding them out to mom.
Without any thought at all mom said, "The light blue
shirt with the silk tie I got you last Christmas."
"Oh yeah!" dad said looking at the three ties in his
hand and sporting an expression as if to say, "What was I
thinking with these three ties?" he started to turn to
leave but mom stopped him, "Honey! Your son wants to get
up and play."
"No I don't! I just want to get up! I will not play
or anything, I just want out of my roooooooommmmmmm!" Oh
that was one of my better whining jobs. I think I should
get a job as a professional whiner when I get older!
"Oh my goodness! Someone call the Waaaambulance!"
dad mocked!
"Dad, please! My ribs are hardly hurting at all
now!" That one came out more like a cry then a whine, but
it worked just the same and they both finally relented. I
had to agree that I would lie on the sofa and would not
try to get up to wander around the house and if I did
need to get up I wasn't allowed to do so on my own
without one of them there to help me.
I took my new e-book with me so that I could do some
writing if I felt the urge. Mom also brought my sipper-
cup, my pillow from my bed, as well as the quilt dad had
put on me when I had come home from the hospital. With
dad holding me from behind I, for the most part, walked
by myself to the living room. With each step I took my
diaper crinkled. I'm sure it was just my imagination but
it sounded a lot louder then it had in the hospital. I
stopped by the sofa. Since mom had every curtain in the
house pulled closed and the fact that it was still dark
out due to the raining the two tables lamps that flanked
each end of the sofa were both on bathing the room in a
soft white glow that was not at all offensive to the eyes.
I also noticed that the dining room light was still on as
was the kitchen one. It was apparent mom was still worked
up about Peter even though we knew he was recaptured and
locked up again. I couldn't help but wonder if she'd been
like this since hearing that Peter had escaped in the
first place.
"Do you think it will be okay for me to call Jasper
at home? I just want to see if he is okay and let him
know that Peter is in jail, alright." I asked.
I could tell by mom's look that she was about to say
no, so I tried another tactic before she could say it.
"He might not even know that Peter has been recaptured!
He might still be scared that Peter will come after him!"
Mom's face went hard and she pointed to the sofa,
"You, on the sofa now! I'll bring you my cell phone
again!"
Dad finally chimed in and with a disarming tone he
addressed mom, "I think the kitchen phone cord will reach
in here darling."
"Oh alright then!" and she put my pillow down
against the arm rest of the sofa with quite a bit of
force before going to the kitchen to get the receiver.
Dad was helping me ease down onto the sofa when the phone
suddenly rang. Mom let out a squeal of surprise, which
got me to laughing because I'd seen her feet come off the
floor when she'd jumped. I was so relieved that laughing
didn't hurt nearly as much as it had before. I am now
thinking that maybe the popping sound we heard was
something going back into place, like maybe a broken rib
finally set right and that is why I am not hurting as
much as I was.
I heard mom answer the phone, "Oh hi sis!" I
guessed that it must have been Aunt Catharine calling. Mom
was standing just inside the kitchen where I could still
see her and hear at least her side of the conversation.
"You don't?"
"Well for how long now?"
"I think Simon's going to work soon, I could have
him drop off some candles?"
I always find it funny when mom calls dad by his
name. I know I am named after him, but I've always heard
her calling him, Hun or Honey or Sweetie or some other
bleeding heart lovey-dovey term of affection and I always
just call him Dad. She continued talking into the phone
and twirling the cord around one finger.
"Yes the power is still on here."
"Not that I know of."
"Well why don't you come over then and you can help
me take care of Sim ..."
Now I knew she was talking about me and despite my
new fondness for my aunt, I mean since she gave me the
awesome birthday present, I didn't really care to spend
the entire day listening to her go on and on about how
horribly bad her life is and so on.
"How'd you manage that?"
"How bad?"
There was a long pause while mom listened quietly
before finally inserting, "Well, I don't think I should
leave him alone."
There was another pause, shorter this time before
mom said, "Let me ask him and I'll let you know either
way. Okay! B-bye."
Mom hung up the phone and I expected, by the look on
her face, that she'd completely forgotten that she was
supposed to be bringing the receiver to me so I
could call Jasper.
"Catharine's power went out and she fell over a
chair and hurt her leg. She wants me to come over and
bring her some candles." Mom looked at me, then dad, and
then back to me almost like she was wrestling with
herself as to who needed her more.
As if someone had flipped on a switch I had the best
idea, "Maybe Mike's mom can come over and stay with me
until you or dad gets back?" I said with raised eyebrows.
Dad scratched his cheek and said, "No, no, I'm just
going to stay home! I can work from here; I'll just go
give them a call." He said pulling on his tie until it
came undone.
As dad was walking across the room mom gave me a
knowing look before whispering so that only I could hear
her, "I don't think he wanted to go to work today do
you?"
I just smiled and opted out of commenting but boy I
sure wanted, too.
I watched as mom grabbed her umbrella and raincoat
from the coat closet behind the front door before she
walked back toward the kitchen. I wasn't sure where she
was going until she stopped, picked up the phone and
walked the receiver over to me stretching the coil-cord
across the room. Dad had been right, it reached all the
way over to the sofa with no problem at all and she
surprised me that she'd not actually forgot. While I
dialed Jasper and Bull's number mom went over and clicked
on the TV before bringing the remote to me.
"Thanks" I said taking the remote from her as I was
putting the phone to my ear and listening to it ring. Mom
leaned over and kissed the top of my head, "Be good!"
"Okay!" I said not really paying attention. On the
fifth ring some little girl finally answered.
"Uh, is Jasper there?" I asked not knowing who had
answered.
"Oh hi Simon this is me!" the voice said.
I heard our front door close without it really
registering right away that mom had already left.
"Gee Jasper, you sounded like a girl when you first
answered." I said trying to make it sound as though I was
kind of joking.
"Hey!" he shouted into the phone nearly rupturing my
eardrum.
"Sorry!" I apologized while laughing into the phone,
"But you did!"
Now sounding as though he was trying to purposefully
make his voice lower, Jasper said, "You're lucky you're
all the way over there or I'd ..." He didn't finish his
sentence because he was interrupted by someone in the
background at his place; it sounded like a lady asking
who was on the phone. Jasper must have pulled the phone
away from his mouth because I could barely hear him say
my name.
"Sorry, that was my mom. She wanted to know who it
was." Jasper said back into the phone.
"Yeah, I heard you both." I answered back, "Hey did
you hear about...?" I didn't get to finish my sentence
before Jasper cut me off.
"You mean about Peter?" he didn't wait for me to
answer before he forged on, "The police were here
again this morning and told us all about it." Jasper
sounded excited and relieved at the same time.
"What do you mean again?" I asked, fearing that the
police were on Bull's trail now.
"They were here when I came home from the hospital
and they have been driving by like every half hour ever
since." He paused to take a breath, "They were just
making sure that everything is okay. They said they been
watching your house too." he informed me.
"Wow, I didn't know that!" I added, which was true.
Since I'd been home, aside from a trip to the shower, I'd
not been out of bed.
"Yeah and they said he would be going back to that
same place." Jasper told me and for the first time I
realized that I'd expected they would have thrown him
into a hole somewhere and then thrown the hole away.
Hearing that he was going back to the same place, which
neither Jasper nor I could remember the name of at this
point, didn't exactly fill me with feelings of comfort.
The two of us continued to talk for sometime before I was
able to redirect our conversation in hopes that I could
get some information about Bull and Tater.
"So how's everything there?" I asked.
"Oh, everything is okay, I guess." He answered, "My
arm's in a sling and I can't use it for anything until
the doctor tells me so." He paused for half a second,
"I'm also not allowed to play rough, either. I just been
doing computer games and writing you emails." He paused
again before raising the tone of his voice a bit, "Hey,
are you not able to get on the computer? Is that why you
have not been answering my emails?" he asked.
"I'm on the sofa right now, this is the first time
since I came home that I have been out of my bed except
for my shower today." I said and then told him about what
happen this morning when dad had scared me and how when
he was helping me up something in me popped and most of
the pain went away.
"Wow! I will ask dad about that when he gets home
this afternoon. I bet he will know what it was." Jasper
said and then there was a long pause before I heard him
sneeze.
"Kazuntite!" I said.
"What?" he said back sounding very confused.
"I said kazuntite!" I repeated.
"What's kazu ...?" he couldn't say it.
"Kazuntite! It's what you say when someone sneezes."
I said.
"Na huh! You say 'Bless you'!" he corrected.
"That's basically what kazuntite means. I think it
is like bless you in a foreign language or something." I
said.
Jasper followed up with, "You are weird!"
"No I'm not but do you know why people bless someone
that sneezes?" I asked trying to show how smart I am.
He was quiet for a couple seconds and I knew he was
thinking, "I dunno!" he finally confessed.
"My dad told me that a long time ago people believed
that when you sneezed your spirit could escape out your
nose. When someone said 'Bless you!" that would cram your
spirit back inside you!" After I finished I waited for his
reply.
It took him several seconds to process this before
he said in a high tone, "That's just stupid!" and then
laughed hard. I laughed only cause laughter is contagious
and not cause of what I said.
I got back on track by asking, "So how is your dad?
Anything going on?" I felt like my inquiry was too direct
and that I had gone too far too fast.
"Yeah dad's great! He and mom, well everyone
actually, has been watching me really closely and making
sure I am okay. But yeah, dad's good." Jasper answered
and from the sound of his answer I guessed that he found
my question kind of odd, too.
"So Bull is okay, too?" I decided to go for it since
I had already pushed so far.
"Yeah ..." he answered, "He's been super nice to
me since I got home and even helped me get dressed this
morning. You know it is really hard to do stuff like
button a shirt or zip up your own pants when you can only
using one arm."
"So is he at school then?" I asked ignoring the rest
of what he'd said.
"Yeah, but I can't go back to school yet. I really
want to too. The doctor said that it's too dangerous and
if someone accidentally bumped me in the hall it could
cause me to rip out my sutures again." He acted like he
didn't want to talk about anything other then himself and
seemed slightly offended that I wanted to talk about
anyone other then him.
I went ahead and humored him by saying, "Yeah! I
don't know when I am going back to school either. I'm
feeling a lot better today but I get tired pretty quick
and I bet the same sort of thing could happen to me. I
mean like you said, someone could accidentally bump into
me. I think that would be about the worst." I said and
paused as I thought about saying something about still
having to wear diapers since I couldn't wipe myself and
since I seemed to be having a bit of a problem with
keeping control of my bladder and my backside. Our
conversation turn to school and we talked about how we
thought everyone was probability throwing parties and
celebrating now that Peter and his goon squad were
history.
"Yeah it sure is going to be different now." I
observed.
"Did your doctor tell you how long it would be
before you could race or at least do training again?"
Jasper asked right out of the blue.
"Uh, no but I think it is going to be quite a while.
I mean the doctor did say that rib's take a long time to
heal but the good news is that my ankle is looking and
doing a lot better. It still gives me a twinge now and
then, but it is working really good and it's not all
swollen, bruised and gross looking anymore." I said
before adding, "Also my eye is doing a whole lot better.
I can see good out of it now and it's not hardly blurry
at all except maybe a little around the edges when I try
to only look through it and not both eyes. Mom's still
been putting the medicine on it so that it will continue
to heal up and I still got my stitches which are cool."
"That's good!" Jasper added before saying, "I can't
wait to get back to coaching again."
We continued to talk for another ten minutes before
dad came back in the room unexpectedly. I told Jasper to
hang on a second and covered the phone with my hand.
"What?" I said to dad when he was looking at me kind
of angry like. At least I thought he might be angry about
something but I had no idea what or why.
"Nothing!" dad said smiling now and he stepped over
the stretched phone cord on his way to the back of the
house.
"Sorry about that, I thought dad wanted something
but he didn't." I said to Jasper.
"That's okay." Jasper said and he was about to say
something else but I'd already started to ask another
question.
"So does anyone else know it was you?" I asked
hoping he knew I was talking about the pictures of Peter.
"Huh?" Jasper said into the phone.
"You know what I mean!" I said with a hint of my
true feelings about it accidentally showing in my voice.
There was an awkward silence for several seconds
before Jasper finally broke in, "You mean the pictures?"
"Of 'course I mean the pictures!" I said sounding
very cynical.
"Oh that! No, not anyone!" he said kind of quietly.
"What?" I asked sensing there was something he
wasn't telling me.
There was another short pause before he said, "Ah
nothing."
"Jasper?" I beckoned.
"Well ..." he paused again and I found an anger
building in me that really took me by surprise.
"What?" I said in a very commanding tone.
"Why are you getting mad?" Jasper asked in defense.
"I'm not mad." I said through clenched teeth.
I heard a click and the phone went dead.
I sucked in my bottom lip and bit down on it
thinking, "That sorry jerk hung up on me!"
I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it
in astonishment. I'd never had someone hang up on me
before unless you count the one time BJ did accidentally
when he was playing around with the buttons while we were
talking.
Dad happened to be going back through the room and I
handed him the phone to hang up for me. I presume that my
emotions were right out there for all to read because dad
stopped half way to the kitchen and asked, "Everything
okay?"
I let my bottom lip pop back out of my mouth. "Yeah"
was all I said and thankfully dad let it drop without any
more prying.
Aside from the abrupt ending to our phone
conversation, I felt better in a way about Tater, Bull
and Runt. After having talked with Jasper I thought that
maybe I'd jumped to conclusions in thinking that Tater,
Bull and Runt had been involved in the robbery and the
two subsequent murders I'd heard about on TV.
I spent the better part of the day watching TV or
writing. I'd wet myself a little during the morning and
at lunchtime mom had called to check on dad and I. Dad
told her we were fine and that he was just about to make
lunch. I'm sure after the whole breakfast fiasco this
morning mom wasn't too happy to hear that he was going to
try his hand at cooking again. She didn't have to worry
cause dad and I ended up having a couple Pizza Hot
Pockets. The nice thing about those is, you just pull 'em
out of the plastic wrapper and toss 'em into the
microwave for a couple minutes. Dad also made me a nice
cold cup of chocolate milk in one of my sipper-cups after
I begged him to. Actually, I didn't have to beg too much,
it was more just playfulness between the two of us.
While we ate we started watching an old James Bond
movie on one of the cable channels, which we'd come into
about at the halfway point. I'm not a big James Bond fan
and neither is dad, but it was about the only good thing on
just then. The one good thing about James Bond movies is
that they are always good for some nice explosions and
insane special effect stunts.
Sometime near the end of the movie I got the feeling
that I needed to poop again and from the feel of it I
thought I might have a small case of diarrhea coming on. I
twisted my head around and saw that dad was out cold in
his chair. I didn't want to wake him up so I figured I'd
try to get up on my own. After twisting the wrong way
on my first attempt I decided that I'd just wait until he
woke up and after a few minutes the sensation left me. I
finished watching the movie and started flipping through
the channels again when all at once our power went out.
"Dad?" I tried to wake him by speaking softly.
"Dad?" I spoke a bit louder.
"Power go out?" I heard him finally say.
"Either that or you forgot to pay the electric
bill!" I joked.
Since mom had closed all the curtains in the house
and now that we had no power it was completely and utterly
dark in the living room. I couldn't even see my own hand
when I held it up.
"You okay?" dad asked.
"Yeah I'm fine." I croked.
"Well stay there and don't do anything," he said and
I could hear him getting up out of his chair and moving
across the carpet. Now that it was so quiet inside the
house, I could hear that it had finally stopped raining.
That's one thing about living here in the valley. If you
don't like the weather, just stand around and wait for a
few minutes; it will change.
I heard dad run into something. It sounded like the
kitchen table. "Oh that's going to leave a mark!" I heard
him groan.
"Hey dad?" I called.
"What?" he growled.
"Does it hurt when you do that?" I asked trying my
best to sound sincere.
"Yes it did!" he said sounding annoyed.
"Then you might not want to do that again!" I joked.
"Boy! Keep it up!" he warned and I could tell he was
laughing in the dark.
Right then the power came back on and my eyelids
slammed shut automatically at the sudden brightness.
"Oh that's much better!" I heard dad joke from the
kitchen. "I just found the flashlight too!"
Even though the power came back on, the cable box on
top of the TV hadn't. Dad fiddled with it for several
minutes but in the end it just sat there blinking four
zero's at us. Without the TV I went back to writing for
the rest of the afternoon right up until about 2:00 when
I decided I was board out of my mind.
"Daaaaaaaad?" I called out.
"Whaaaaat?" he called back from the other room.
"I'm booooooored and I want to get uuuuuuuup." I
called again.
"That's just tooooo baaaaad." Dad sent back my way.
I let my head fall backwards against the armrest of
the sofa and stared at the ceiling for four or five
minutes before calling after him again.
"Daaaaaaaad?"
"K-e-e-p i-i-t u-u-u-p a-a-n-n-n-d I w-i-l-l-l-l-l-l
b-e-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-t y-o-u-u-u-u!" he said back dragging
it out for all it was worth.
I waited a minute or two before starting in again,
"Dad please!"
I heard him sigh from the other room and then emerge
shortly there after. "I liked you better when your were
drugged and sleeping all the time." Dad grumbled with a mock
look of annoyance.
"I love you too daddy!" I said very deadpan like
adding the daddy part as a nice touch before begging
again, "Now can I get up PLEASE!" I had my hand clasped
together in the poor beggar child style. "Please, please,
please dearest father! Can I please just get up for just
a little while? I promise I will be good!"
Totally ignoring my Oscar winning performance he
asked, "What are you going to do when you are up?"
"I don't know. I just want to stretch my legs and ..."
I didn't have anything to add to it so I just trailed off.
He stood looking at me for several seconds and I did
my best to look pitiful until he finally gave in and came
over to help me up.
Once up I walked from the living room to the kitchen
with dad walking right along behind me. Just as before my
diaper was crinkling with every step though a bit quieter
since it was now holding about a third of its capacity.
Dad wasn't holding on to me though; however, I was sure he was
ready just in case I tried to topple over. I was doing
just find, heck I wasn't even wobbly in the legs now
either though I did have to waddle a bit due to the
diaper. I managed to fill another cup with a cold can of
cola from the fridge and stood next to the counter as I
tried to figure out how the sipper lid went on the cup.
Dad ended up having to show me that I had to first line
up the two notches and then twist it till it snapped into
place. It was so simple that it made me feel dumb that I
couldn't figure it out for myself.
"What do you say to ..." dad started to say when
the front doorbell rang. I never did find out what he was
about to say. I stayed standing next to the kitchen table
holding onto one of the chairs while dad went to answer
the door. From where I was standing I could see the door
and saw right away that it was Tater. As dad stepped
aside to let him in I also saw Bull come walking in
behind him. They both looked like sugar-frosted donuts.
"Is it snowing?" I asked upon seeing the two of
them.
Bull looked in my direction and looked surprised to
see me standing up. "Yeah it's coming down like it's the
end of the world!" he said suddenly shaking himself like
a dog causing snow to fly off him.
"Hey!" dad said not because Bull made snow go on the
carpet but because he was getting it on dad.
"Sorry 'bout that Mr. Leonard" Bull said and just
for good measure Tater gave Bull an elbow dead smack in
the center of the stomach. It didn't even faze him in
the least.
"Hey there Spaz! Wow it's good to see you up and
around!" Tater said giving me that smile of his that had
once hypnotized me into giving my body over to him. Wow,
that seems like such a very long time ago.
"Come on in boys! Take off your coats!" dad said
ushering them into the house and closing the door but not
before taking another look at the snow coming down out
there.
The three of them came into the kitchen and I guess
I wanted to show off a bit at how well I was doing. "You
guys want a soda or something?" I asked turning and
walking to the refrigerator. My diaper started crinkling
as I moved but somehow, it didn't bother me with Bull and
Tater being there.
"I'd love a Coke if you have one." Bull said.
I looked back at Tater who was looking at me kind of
concernedly. Dad was standing behind Tater looking even
more so.
"How about you?" I said to Tater.
"Anything's cool." He said.
I pulled open the door to the fridge again but this
time when I did I jerked it instead of carefully opening
it the way I had the first time. It hurt ... it hurt a
lot and my body froze for a few seconds.
"Simon you okay?" dad asked.
"Yep." I said and knew I wasn't very convincing. "I
just moved too fast is all." I said trying to save a
little of my dignity and pride.
Dad came over and helped me. He got out two sodas
and pored them into two glasses. While he was poring them
he whispered, "You alright there, champ?"
I whispered back, "Yeah but I'm not going to do that
again."
Dad was cool that way; I guess he always had an
inside track when it came to situations like that. If I
were in major trouble for something he would wait until
we were alone so as not to embarrasse or humiliate me in
front of others. Mom on the other hand would swat my
backside no matter where we were if I was acting up.
I also let dad take the two sodas over to the guys
while I braced myself against the counter and tried to
breath while attempting to not look as though I was
dieing inside. I could tell by the look on Taters face
that he was hurting for me out of sympathy.
While I was recovering, a million questions were
racing through my head and I knew I couldn't ask any of
them with dad in the room. I made my way to the table and
sat down with Tater and Bull. Bull gave me a knowing look
when my backside made contact with the chair. He'd heard
my diaper for sure that time but aside from his eyes, he
didn't offer any other evidence that he'd heard. Now that
I was sitting down it seemed to make dad happy and he
excused himself from the room.
The second I knew dad was out of ear shot I said,
"You guys did it didn't you?" There was no disusing my
emotions as fire shot from my eyes and smoke billowed
from my nostrils.
Tater started to open his mouth but Bull spoke first.
In a lowered voice, so as not to have dad hear, he said,
"Hell no!"
Tater's head turned toward Bull and from his
expression I knew Bull was lying.
"You sorry son's of ..." I didn't get to finish my
though as I was interrupted by the phone ringing again.
It rang twice and I figured dad must be in the back of
the house so I stood up to get it. Just as I had got
to my feet, about the fourth ring, he came around the
corner and picked it up while giving me a look that said
I had better just sit myself back down. I put both hands
on the tabletop but I didn't sit down just yet. I was
waiting to see who was calling. A part of me was hoping
that maybe it was Jasper calling back to apologize for
hanging up on me earlier. Another part of me was thinking
that it was the police and I guess that was caused by my
over active imagination thinking they had bugged our house
when they'd been here before.
"Hello" dad answered.
"What's the matter?" his voice changed to one of
deep concern.
"Stop crying and tell me what's wrong honey!" he
said and I knew it was mom on the phone and that
something was wrong. I don't know why, but the first thing
I thought was that somehow Aunt Catharine had died.
"Honey I can't understand a word you are saying.
Please just stop crying and tell me again."
I looked to Bull and Tater who were both looking at
dad intently.
"Are you hurt at all?" there was a pause before dad
said, "Well sweetheart that isn't anything to get so
worked up about! Gee-whiz you scared me half to death! I
thought you were seriously hurt or something!" dad
sounded annoyed rather then upset now and I realized that
my premonition of my aunt's death was way off.
"No, just stay in the Van and I'll come get you." He
said and hung up the phone without saying good-bye. No
sooner had he hung up the phone then it hit him that he
couldn't leave me home alone.
Both Tater and Bull had stood up looking very
intense and motivated; almost like two solders
volunteering to go into battle.
"You're mother ran the van into a light pole." Dad
said looking at me while rubbing the back of his neck
with one hand and patting his stomach with the other. I
could tell he was trying to think of what to do.
I started to sit back down in the chair and as I
leaned forward just a bit to balance myself the worst
thing that could have ever happened suddenly happened
without any warning what so ever. My bowels let loose and
in an instant I flooded the back of my diaper. The sound
was unmistakable.
All three off them looked right at me and I could
feel their eyes on me. I don't know if I turned red or
not but I felt like I'd suddenly shrank to about a foot
tall. My brain shutdown completely for a good couple of
minutes, at least that's what it seemed like. My eyes
were locked on my dad's and I saw his expression go from
blank, to surprise, to concern and then to embarrassment.
Not embarrassment for himself but for me and how I must
feel having done what I just did right in front of my
friends. Messing myself in my sleep was one thing,
messing myself on purpose was another.
Dad looked at his watch and then back at me. In that
instant that we lost eye contact the realization of what
I'd just done hit me and like someone had opened the
floodgates to my soul I felt my eyes swelling up with
tears and my heart dropped into my stomach.
Bull finally spoke first sounding more grown up then
I'd ever heard him be. "Ah Mr. Leonard it's okay! I have
a little brother, Jasper, and he has the same problem all
the time!" he turned and looked at me almost with a
fatherly gaze before continuing. "I help Jasper all the
time, it's no big deal at all Spazman!"
He turned back to dad. "If it's okay, I'll help Spaz
here and Tate can go with you to get Mrs. Leonard. Spaz
and I can wait here until you get back"
The fact that Bull had used Tater's real name and
yet used my nickname didn't escape my notice.
Despite my best efforts to hold them back, a few of
my tears escaped and flowed down my cheeks. I couldn't
handle any of this and without saying a single word I
started slowly around the table and out of the kitchen.
Dad who apparently didn't know what to say or how to
react to the moment just let me walk right past him.
I heard Bull say in a slightly higher tone, "Really,
Mr. Leonard I got this!" and then I heard the sound of
one of the chairs being scooted on the linoleum floor.
I had to hold onto the walls as I made my way down
the hallway. My legs were starting to shake as I felt the
mess in my diaper spreading around with each step I took.
I'd made it to my room fairly quickly and had started to
close the door when I felt someone pushing on it. I let
go and it opened back up. I'd fully expected it to be my
dad but it wasn't. Bull stepped in and smiled down at me,
"It's really nothing to get so upset about, Spaz." He
said in his normal Bull manner.
I still couldn't talk and I couldn't look him in the
eye. I'd completely forgot that earlier, while on the sofa,
I'd felt the need to poop and had chose to wait instead
of waking dad up from his little nap. For the first time
in several days I found myself wishing I could turn
invisible again. I turned my back to Bull as the tears
pored from my eyes. I wished with all my might that Bull
would leave but instead he walked over, placed both hands
on my shoulders and squeezed lightly before reaching
around and hugging my neck softly with both of his
bulging arms. I reached up and took hold of his
shirtsleeves with both of my hands as I lost complete
control of my emotions and sobbed like a baby.
"It's okay, Spaz buddy. Just let it out!" he said
softly. He held me for several minutes while my tears and
snot soaked the sleeves of his shirt. I wanted so badly
to stop crying but I couldn't. Every time I would try to
stop I'd just cry all that much harder. My chest was
starting to hurt again and I found that my legs didn't
want to hold me up any longer; had I not had such a tight
grip on Bulls arm I am sure I would have fell to the floor.
"Let it all out buddy!" Bull said moving one hand
and cupping my chin, cheek and ear and pressing my head
back against his shoulder.
I finally heard dad's car start and somehow that was
the turning point for me. My tears started to decrease
and my sobs lessened gradually. I could hear Bull
breathing into my right ear and then he spoke, "You know,
Jasper's had this problem all his life. I can't tell you
how many times I've had to help him get cleaned up. Heck
he even did it once in my car when he was wearing shorts.
Man it got all over the seat and everywhere. It was a
really disgusting mess. I managed to laugh at the
thought. Bull gave my neck a bit tighter of a squeeze as
he placed his cheek against mine.
"You okay now Spaz, buddy?" he said and I found his
voice soothing.
I looked down at his sleeve and saw it was covered
in snot. "Sorry bout your shirt." I said.
He moved his head and arm a bit, "Ah man, don't
sweat that, I've had much worst on me. He removed his
hand that had been cradling my face and let it drop away
only to come to rest right over the front of my pants and
diaper. He squeezed and said, "You ready to take care of
this now?"
His action shocked and stunned me, but at the same
time I didn't react or try to get away. I remembered back
to the night I'd snuck out of my bedroom window to go see
Jamie. That was the same night they had robbed that store
while I'd been in the car. When Bull had been driving me
home after my asthma attack he'd started feeling me up in
the car and I'd let him.
Without any answer from me he released his grip from
around my neck and from my groin; I was amazed my legs
held me up. He stepped to my right side, bent slightly
and lifted me right off my feet.
My face was only inches from his face. As big as
Bull was, I felt like a small child in his arms. Walking
over to my bed he gently laid me down and I wrapped my
arms over my chest, which was still hurting from crying
so hard. He leaned forward and kissed me softly right on
the lips. I don't suppose I was thinking at all while
this was taking place; I just lay there and let him kiss
me.
His big hands squeezing and then rubbing my arms,
his lips pressed harder against mine as I started to kiss
him back. Something in me was telling me to stop this but
hands were distracting my mind as they continued to
explore my body while his lips sucked all resistant out
of me. I could tell that he was being very careful not to
get too close to my ribs. When I felt his hand cup the
front of my diaper again I realized that my penis was
straining to escape from my diaper.
He finally pulled his lips from mine. Smiling, he
reached out with both hands and took hold of the sides of
my pants and started to work them down exposing my
diaper. When he glanced at my diaper I read in his eyes
that he knew he'd had his intended effect on me.
He leaned toward my face once more, I fully expected
him to kiss me again but instead he spoke in a whisper as
if telling a secret, "Tater was right, you are one of
us."
Not another word was spoken between us after that.
As bull worked at my pant, (I'd forgotten that he could
have just unsnapped them on the sides) I lifted my
backside slightly and he slid them all the way to my
ankles. He placed his hand right over my tented diaper
and squeezed. I took a deep breath and held it with
anticipation and fear, but I was taken completely off
guard when he stood up and walked out of my room leaving
me laying there, my poop filled diaper exposed and pants
down around my ankles. My eyes raced around in my head as
I attempted to get a grip on the moment and my emotions.
I found myself breathing a sign of relief when I saw
Bull come back into view carrying two wet washcloths and
a towel. I remember thinking, "How'd he know where to
find them?"
Kneeling down beside the bed he raised my shirt and
laid the wet washcloths on my tummy, they were very warm
to the touch. When he put the towel on my chest I could
no longer see to my diaper area so instead I turned my
head and stared at Bull who looked to be in a state of
complete bliss as he started to remove the tapes of my
diaper. My emotions were so elevated at this point that
there was no distinguishing one from the other. Instead I
just watched his face as he worked and instinctively
when I felt him pull the diaper open I lifted my backside
off it but he didn't pull the diaper away just yet. He
took one of the wet rags from off my stomach and started
to wipe the poop away. I couldn't see the mess but I sure
could smell it. It had a very medicine odder to it and I
figured that was due to all the drugs I'd had in my
system recently. I didn't see what he did with the first
diaper but I assumed he'd laid it elsewhere when he
grabbed the second washcloth and started to use it. This
time he started by wiping my boyhood parts paying special
attention to my small but ridged member, which I will
add, despite not being able to see it past the towel I
knew it was pointing straight to the ceiling with immense
pride.
I was glad when I saw him finally pull the soiled
diaper out from under me so that I could lower my
backside again but as I started he slipped his hand under
me as if to tell me to keep it up. He then reached over
and took the towel from off my chest and dried my entire
diaper area before dropping the towel on the floor.
Placing a hand over my pelvis he pressed down lightly; I
let my bottom rest finally on the bed. Then turning his
attention back to the used diaper he rolled it into a
nice neat package before leaving it on the floor next to
the towel. His head twisted from side to side until his
eyes landed on my dresser. Without being told he got up
and walked over to it. He opened each drawer from the top
down until he found the stash of disposable diapers mom
had put in there for me. But he didn't stop at that
drawer; he continued looking in the next two and stopped
when he reached the bottom drawer. I watched in complete
bewilderment when I saw him pull out what I instantly
knew was a cloth diaper. I'd seen them at school in the
nurse's office and when I saw him reach into the drawer a
second time I was curtain what was coming out next. I was
right. In his hand was a pair of clear plastic pants with
white elastic around the waist and leg openings. I felt
like I was suffocating as I watched him stand up and walk
back over to me holding the cloth diaper and plastic
pants.
He held them out in front of himself as if offering
them too me for my approval, but I was so dazed to think
that those were in my dresser and knew that my mother had
put them there without telling me she'd done so was just
more them I was able to assimilate so quickly. Wearing
disposable diapers was one thing, but somehow I felt like
this was too much. The message was sent from my brain to
my mouth to tell him that 'No they were not okay!' but
the message somehow never came out. I just laid there
looking up at the fluffy white cloth and the way the light
reflected off the clear plastic. Taking my silence as
approval, Bull bent over and knelt back down beside me
again.
I looked up at him and his smile told me he was
enjoying himself so much. I watched in silent awe as he
unfolded the diaper and spread it out between my legs
before slipping his hand under my bottom to let me know I
had to lift up again but I didn't respond. Instead of
saying something he simply removed his hand, took a firm
grip on my leg and lifted it into the air along with my
bottom. He positioned the diaper in place under me before
lowering my leg again. When my bottom made contact I
could instantly feel the difference of the thick cloth
beneath me.
Next I expected him to reach for the front of the
diaper and pull it up over my still saluting penis but
instead he looked at me out of the corner of his eye
before reaching up and rapping his enormous hand around
my small shaft. My penis was lost in his grip and with
only a single tug by him my entire body tensed as I
exploded in his hand. I could not help but to let out a
small cry as my every sense became overwhelmed with
spasms of pleasure.
With my eyes closed I panted and clutched at my
heaving chest. I felt Bull remove his hand from my penis
and so I opened my eyes to see him wiping his hand with
the towel and grinning like a cat that just caught the
canary. Placing a hand on either knee he spread my legs
apart and pulled the cloth diaper up between my legs
finally. He tugged it snuggly over my withering boyhood,
pinning it into place. Although, now that I am writing
about it, I don't remember seeing him retrieve the pins.
I assume they came from the same drawer. In my dazed and
euphoric state I couldn't see the pins, but I could tell
he was using two on each side. Having only once seen a
real baby put into a cloth diaper I knew that normally
only one safety pin was used per side but I figured Bull
had used two since I was quite a bit bigger then a baby.
Without having me stand up he slipped the plastic
pants over my two feet and slid them up my legs. When he
got them close to the diaper, I raised my diapered
backside off the bed and he was able to tug them into
place. He slipped his fingers into the leg openings and
made sure no part of the diaper was sticking out past the
plastic before he gave me a pat on the front of the
diaper.
I continued lying on my bed totally dazed and
stunned by what had just occurred. A part of me wondered
if this was all just another one of my dreams. I watched as
Bull swept up the towel, washcloths and the soiled diaper
in his two strong hands before standing up and once again
leaving me alone. As I lay there the thought entered my
mind that I was now a prisoner of my own yearnings. There
is no escape; I'll never be free again.
Bull returned still smiling blissfully as he sat on
the side of my bed. I'd not noticed that he had another
washcloth in his hand until he started to wipe my face
with it. He did this with the care of a mother, or maybe
a lover, I thought. I closed my eyes and allowed him to
wipe away the streaks left by my tears and the sweat
caused by the brief but intense moment we'd shared.
I only opened my eyes again when I thought he was
finish. He was still smiling but somehow differently now.
He reached out and just as dad had done put his hands into
my armpits and around to my back to lift me up into a
sitting position. But, instead of stopping at sitting up he
continued to pull me close to him and I knew what was
coming.
He kissing me again, longer this time while he
rubbed my back with one hand and held the back of my head
with the other. My own arms were rapped under his and my
hands were gripping the backs of his muscular shoulders.
When he finally started to pull away I found myself
not wanting him to let go. I know it sounds corny, but I
felt so good being in his arms, safe even. With his help
again I got up from the bed, I had to also have his help
to get my balance at first because when I tried to stand
I found that I couldn't get my legs to go together at
all. I had to waddle like a duck to get over to the
mirror on the back of my bedroom door.
I couldn't believe what I saw. There staring back at
me was what looked to be a slightly overgrown toddler boy
wearing a very think diaper. I lifted my shirt up to get
the full picture. The diaper was large enough that it
covered my belly button in the front and was halfway up
my back. I had to stand with my feet way apart just to be
comfortable. I didn't know what to do with my hands, when
I tried to let them fall to my side they ended up hanging
out due to the diaper. Having worn Goodnites for so long
and now disposable diapers, neither of which has any side
padding at all, it took me a while to get use to the full
circumference protection I was now sporting. The plastic
pants were crystal clear which allowed me to fully see
the thick cloth diaper that I was wrapped in. Breaking my
diaper gaze I looked up into the face of my reflection. I
had the biggest, stupidest grin stretched from ear to ear
and it made me giggle, though quietly. I turned, rather
awkwardly, gave a sinister smile and nodded my head.
Bull came over and stood behind me, "Let's get your
pants on you." He whispered into my ear, which tickled.
He held open my pants down by the floor for me to step
into. I held onto the back of his shoulders for support
as I lifted one foot and then the other. As he pulled the
pants up I realized that mom must have thought a head
when she bought these as they fit perfectly over the
cloth diaper. Bull tied the drawstring around my waist
snuggly and pulled my shirt back down. It was so very
obvious that I was wearing diapers now.
At that moment I was so caught up in my emotional flood
that it washed all logic out of my brain. We were no more
then a foot apart, I was looking him in his chest, that's
how much taller he was then me, I moved forward and
closed the gap between us, wrapped my arms around him and
buried my face in his muscles. I felt him embrace me, his
hands came to rest on my backside and pressed me toward
him before he broke our embrace and brushed my bangs away
from my forehead before saying, "Ten o'clock tonight, be
dressed and ready to go somewhere. Don't tell your
parents or anyone okay?"
I nodded without thinking and said, "Where?"
"Ah don't worry about that now Spaz-buddy! Um, it's
a surprise!" he said kissing me one more time before
saying, "Let's go sit in the living room and wait for
Tater and your parents to get back."
I was feeling strong, stronger then I had in a while
now. I felt like I did that day I had completed the mile.
As I walked down the hallway with Bull right behind me I
felt as though I was walking a good six inches off the
floor. I went to the sofa and with Bulls help sat down, I
didn't lay down this time. Bull put the quilt over my
legs and lap before going to the kitchen where he
retrieved my sipper-cup and his soda from the table.
He came back; sat down in dad's chair after handing
me my drink and so many questions were now racing around
in my head like bees around a hive. I wanted to ask him
what was happening at ten tonight. I wanted to ask about
the robberies. I wanted to ask if they had killed those
two people but somehow I couldn't bring myself to say
anything at all. Instead, I leaned ever so carefully to
the side and picked up the remote from the end table and
turned the TV back on. I was surprised that it worked
after the problems dad had with it after the power came
back on earlier. We both sat in silence drinking our
sodas and watching a rerun of 'Everybody Loves Raymond',
which is a show I normally can't stand. I guess that
means that not everyone loves Raymond.
Twenty minutes or so after we'd sat down the sliding
backdoor opened. I'd not even heard them pull up in the
drive way or the garage door open. Mom came in first
looking very shaken up. She was followed by Tater who was
obviously soaked to the bone and half a minute after him,
dad came in also soaked and looking surprisingly good
natured.
Bull stood right up when they came in and went to
the kitchen, "Here let me get that for you Mrs. Leonard"
he said to my mom as he took her umbrella and closed it
for her while she literally dropped her purse on the
table and started to pull off her coat.
"Oh thank you dear." Mom said sounding out of
breath.
Even from where I was sitting I could see Tater and
Bull exchange knowing glances at each other before Tater
said, "You doing okay over there Spazman?"
Without thinking I blurted out, "Yep, I'm just fine!
Couldn't be better!"
Dad looked at me and seemed surprised before looking
at Bull and Tater, "Well boys, thank you for your help
this afternoon." Dad reached into his pocket and pulled
out some money. He tried to hand it to Tater and Bull but
they both declined to take it.
"I can't take money for helping, it just wouldn't be
right!" Tater said holding up his hands as if being held
at gunpoint.
Bull in turn said, "No thanks Mr. Leonard. Friends
got to look out for friends!" he said looking right at me
as he spoke. I smiled knowingly when he called me his
friend.
Dad stuffed his money back into his pocket and then
stuck out his hand to Tater, "Well thank you very much! I
couldn't have got the van home tonight without your
help." He shook Taters hand and then shook Bull's hand.
"And I really appreciate your staying here too!" he was
looking Bull right in the eyes as he spoke those words
and it was clear what he was really thanking Bull for.
"It was nothing really!" Bull offered back to dad
and then looking at me again he added, "Actually anytime
you need me to baby sit ..."
I stopped that right away by shouting across the
house, "HEY! Keep it up and you'll be telling all your
friends you got beat up by me!"
Bull and Tater laughed, "Just kidding Spaz! Just
wanted to see if I could get you worked up!" he said.
"Yeah you're going to see worked up as soon as I get
up from here!" and I acted as if I were going to stand
up.
"Don't even think about it!" mom snapped at me.
Dad shook Bull's hand once more, "Thank you again!"
"Really, it was cool." Bull assured.
Mom was smiling, but I could tell that dad had not
told her what had happened here at the house while she
was gone. "Yes, thank you both so much!" she said before
reaching toward dad, "Let me have your coat and I will
hang it with mine in the laundry room to dry.
"If it's okay, we're going to go. I want to get home
and get out of these wet things." Tater said sounded very
polite, however there was something else in his voice; I
wasn't sure what it was at the time.
Despite Tater being so wet and still covered in snow
mom went over and hugged him and gave him a peck on the
cheek. "Thank you again." She said to Tater before
walking off toward the laundry room.
"Bye guys! Thanks for everything!" I said as they
were leaving out the back door. At the last possible
second Bull turned, held up all ten of his fingers and
mouthed to me, "Ten o'clock tonight. Be ready!" I got the
message loud and clear.
As dad was walking back through to go change I
asked, "How'd you guys get so wet?"
"It might be snowing now, but it's still very wet
out there!" dad said before changing the subject. "You
two get along okay?"
I got that he was still talking about my unfortunate
incident without actually putting it into so many words.
I shrugged as I answered, "Yeah no problem at all." I
didn't know what else to say and I was afraid if I said
anything else I would end up saying too much. It seemed
to satisfy dad and he smiled, "Good! Good!" he said twice
before going on back to his room to change clothes.
Mom came back a minute or so after with several old
towels in her arms. She started wiping up the floor all
the way back to their room and eventually came back out
with a laundry basket filled with the towels and dad's
wet things in it. She was obviously taking them to the
laundry room when I stopped her.
"Mom?" I managed to catch her just as she was about
to leave my sight.
She stopped, turned and looking very tired she
answered by raising her eyebrows. "I think I'm going to
go to bed now." I said knowing it was still early yet and
that I'd not had dinner either. I was thinking constantly
now about what had happened between Bull and I. I so
desperately wanted to go write it all down before I
forgot any of it.
"Wait for your father to help you." She said turning
and leaving.
Actually, I was also going to ask her for another
pain pill but instead I decided that it might let on to
her that more happened then me just sitting here and dad
might think more happened then just Bull helping me get
cleaned up. I guess I was feeling guilty and secretive
along with a bit of pain all at the same time.
Dad finally returned from changing and after asking
for his help he got me to my feet and escorted me to my
room without saying a single word about me wearing cloth
diapers. He helped me to lie down after making quick work
of removing my shirt and pants leaving me wearing just
the diaper that Bull had put on me. After tucking me into
bed and checking that I'd not used the diaper yet he
asked if I need anything else before he left me alone in
my room. I told him no as I reached over and picked up my
e-book and began to write in it.
I don't remember actually falling asleep. My
intention was to fake that I was asleep until I was sure
both mom and dad believed it and then I was going to try
to get up on my own and get ready for tonight even though
I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. I fell
asleep so fast that I didn't have time to think about
anything. No time to realize that what I was
contemplating was absolutely stupid on so many levels.
It was ten minutes after five when I woke up. The
emptiness in my stomach had brought me out of the coolest
dream were I'd been racing away from the police on a
motorcycle. The one odd thing about the dream was that
the police officer that was chasing me was also on a
motorcycle but he was wearing a blood red wedding dress
that billowed like flames behind him as he sped after me.
When I opened my eyes I thought that maybe I was
dreaming again because someone was standing next to my
bed holding the biggest yellow teddy bear. The bear was
so big I couldn't see who was holding it right away.
Finally Jamie's head appeared from behind it with a big
smile on his face. He was also still sporting his raccoon
eyes and, thanks to me, a bandage across his nose. Actually
he looked much better then when I'd seen him at the
hospital and he looked happier and bubblier then I'd ever
seen him.
"I brought you this!" he said bouncing the bear in
his arms.
Not totally awake yet I said, "Huh? What the heck is
that?"
"It's a bear you idiot! What do you think it is?"
Jamie said sarcastically.
Hearing Jamie's voice brought me the rest of the way
out of my slumber. I smiled at him, "Wow it's ... it's
big!" I said.
"Yeah it is!" he said smiling even larger. "I'll put
it over here!" he said taking it over and sitting it on
top of my desk. It nearly engulfed the entire top of my
desk. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was
absolutely hideous.
"So, Mickey Mouse, you going to live or what?" Jamie
asked in a sort of way that I'm sure he thought was
funny.
"Hey, who you calling Mickey Mouse?" I objected as
he half smiled and half sneered at me. I knew that the
Mickey Mouse crack was his way of retaliating for my
ungrateful attitude and comment about his gift.
"Say? Where'd you get that thing, anyway?" I
questioned him.
"Oh I bought it with my allowance at Toys R Us. You
know the one that is closing over by the mall?" Jamie
said walking over and sitting on the foot of his bed,
facing me.
"Why are they closing?" I asked; sounding
exasperated at the idea. "That is the best place to get
video games!"
"Yeahh, tell me about it!" Jamie said. He was
shrugging his shoulders while at the same time looking at
the floor and shaking his head. He lamented as though a
dear friend was dieing. "I don't know."
I looked back at that big yellow bear as it sat
sort-of leaning to the left like it were trying to look
out of our bedroom window. It was a great gesture on
Jamie's part; I mean it sort of was like a peace
offering between him and I. But man, I bet there have
been wars started over things less obnoxious!
Having caught me eyeing it, Jamie asked rather
excitedly; "So, you like it?"
OK, now this would have been one of the best times,
if there ever was a best time, to lie like a rug but the
truth can be a very bad habit to break and I guess I
wasn't up to the challenge just then. "I really
appreciate the offer Jamie, I mean wow, you didn't need
to spend your money on me." I paused before continuing,
"But that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my
life!"
No sooner had the words come out of my mouth then
Jamie's expression changed. His eyebrows dropped, his
nostrils flared and still sitting on his bed, he fell
backwards onto it. He had his hands over his face, his
chest and stomach were heaving up and down, and I knew
I'd really hurt his feelings and made him cry.
"I can be such an absolute jerk sometimes!" I
thought to myself.
"Jamie! I'm sorry!" I said softly.
His hands fell away from his face and he let out the
biggest scream that nearly scared the flesh right off my
bones! He was pounding his bed with his fists and rolling
his head back and forth. A second later, Dad came busting
into our room looking like he was going to kill us both.
I'm sure from Jamie's scream that Dad had thought the two
of us were at each other's throats again.
"What is going on in here?" Dad shouted, as little
flecks of spit flew from the corners of his mouth.
Jamie rolled over on his side, propped himself on
one elbow and I finally saw that he had not been crying
but had been laughing hysterically! Dad saw it too and in
an instant his rage fell away as his eyes landed on the
bear.
"That is the most repugnant thing I have ever seen
in my life!" Dad said before thinking.
That was it for Jamie. He fell on the floor by the
foot of his bed, screaming with laughter. It was
fearfully contagious as Dad and I both broke out
laughing, though really I had no idea at all what I was
laughing at. Jamie fell over on his side and then rolled
over onto his back, madly kicking his sock covered feet
in the air.
I, on the other hand, was reduced to tears. Laughing
as hard as I was, was really killing my chest, but as long
as Jamie was laughing, I couldn't stop laughing either.
Dad had gone over to try to help Jamie up but they were
both laughing so hard that Dad ended up falling on top of
Jamie's bed. Actually he nearly fell on Jamie but at the
last possible second he managed to throw himself onto the
bed instead.
OK, if the three of us were not in bad enough shape,
Mom came into the room, hands on hips and eyebrows
sharpened to a point over her burning eyes. I was
laughing and crying at the same time so hard that I
couldn't hear what Mom tried to say. Dad had got up
clutching his stomach and still laughing. He kissed Mom
on the cheek as he hung on her for support however she
was still looking like she was ready to lay into all of
us. Before pulling the door shut, Dad managed to get Mom
out of our room and as he did so, he waved at us just
like he'd wave away two annoying buzzing flies.
It was several minutes before the two of us stopped
laughing, well mostly anyway. Jamie finally was able to
get himself off the floor and lying on his bed again. He
was frantically wiping at his eyes to clear away his tears
of laughter. I, on the other hand, was dieing inside and
had my mouth all the way open, panting for air. I had to
cover my eyes with one of my arms because every time I
looked at Jamie we'd both start laughing again.
"Stop looking at me!" Jamie snorted.
"Me?" I shouted! "You started this!"
He broke into fits of laughter again as he tried to
say; "Oh sure I bring you a really nice present and this
is the thanks I get?"
I moved my arm up higher on my head and looked under
it at Jamie who had tearstains down his flaming red face,
which nicely matched his ears and neck. Holding his nose,
he attempted to regain control of his laugher and was
doing OK, right up until our eyes met again and we both
started back up.
"Stop looking at me!" Jamie cried.
I re-hid my eyes with my arm while still clutching
my ribs with my other. No longer allowing myself to look
his way I asked, "OK! I have to know ... what possessed
you to buy that thing for me?"
He started laughing again and it took several
minutes before he could answer me. "PLEASE- PLEASE-OH
PLEASE stop! You are hurting my face!" He cried and then
continued in one rushed breath, "OK, I didn't buy it! It
belongs to a friend of mine that lives in my building. I
asked him if I could borrow it for the weekend!"
I don't know why but that explanation was too much
and we both lost it again. It took Mom coming back into
our room for us to get calmed back down. She had brought
me a drink and another pill and I was again amazed at how
she knew I needed it without me asking for it. She also
gave a drink in one of my sipper-cups to Jamie with a
pill for him, too, but his was pink where as mine was
white. I figured he was probably taking pain pills for
his nose.
Once Mom had lectured us about staying quiet the
rest of the evening, she left, promising to have dinner
ready soon. Jamie had scooted himself up onto his bed so
that he was leaning against his headboard. I wanted to do
the same but since laughing so hard I figured lying down
was probably better for me right now.
After Mom had gone and Jamie and I were both smiling
at each other, doing our best not to break up again, I
looked over at the bear and had to ask, "So, you are
going to take it back to him, right?"
In an effort to keep from laughing again Jamie had
stuck his fist into his mouth and was biting down on it.
I, on the other hand, was biting the inside of my cheek.
Unable to answer me with his fist in his mouth he just
shook his head up and down. I could tell by the look of
his eyes that inside he was laughing just as hard as
before. His eyes looked as though he was begging, "Please
don't make me laugh anymore!"
A thought suddenly jumped into my head and I asked,
"So is Toys R Us really going out of business?"
Giving the impression of being, to some extent,
recovered Jamie removed his fist from him mouth and
answered, "Oh Yeahh! That part was true!" I wasn't sure
if I could believe him or not. Jamie read my carefulness
and added; "Cross my heart and hope to die!" He made an X
over his heart with a single finger.
Several more minutes went by with neither of us
looking or talking to one another. When he finally broke
the silence, his question completely changed the mood of
the room. "So, are you still wearing diapers?"
I nearly swallowed my tongue and my eyes bugged out,
as I looked his way. He was no longer biting his fist and
he had that same look about him that he'd had the night
I'd gone to visit him at his place. I suppose the best
way to describe his countenance is to say he looked
drugged; like the way you see people in the hospital. He
wasn't smiling but had a sort of vacant expression. We
were looking right at each other and his eyes looked
almost like they were imploring me to respond to the
query. I was so taken off guard that I was unable to
think, let alone attempt to talk.
In all the Years that Jamie's been coming over here,
never, and I mean never, has he had a single thing to say
that was in any way positive about me wetting my bed and
wearing Goodnites to deal with it. Whenever Jamie would
come over, most of the time I wouldn't put my Goodnites
on until right before going to bed and even then I'd
always go to the bathroom to change. I'd also wear
pajamas or shorts over them so he couldn't see them as I
got into bed, or in the mornings. The second I was awake
I'd get up, go back to the bathroom, strip off the wet
Goodnite, and take a quick shower before I'd return to my
room to deposit the used Goodnite in the can by my door.
Never would I wear a wet Goodnite to breakfast when he
was here. I did everything I could possibly do to not
give him a chance to pick on me about my wetting problem.
So now here he was asking me if I was still wearing
diapers. What on earth made him think that I'd even
consider responding to his question and open myself up to
more of his mockery?
In the end I chose not to answer him but to turn the
tables on him. "You know, when I was over at your place..."
I paused and glanced his way. He was looking right
at me nodding his head obviously eagerly awaiting my
answer. I'd never seen him act like this before. It was
kind of unnerving, really. "When I sat on your bed, I
distinctly heard the rustle of a plastic sheet on your
bed."
I kept my eyes locked onto his, waiting to see even
the slighted change in his expression that would alert me
as to whether I'd guessed right or not. He just kept looking
right at me, as if he was deep in thought or maybe sizing me
up as well.
Like someone had flipped on a switch within him his
eyebrows lifted to the top of his forehead as his eyes
got wide. A small smile stretched his lips and it grew
until once again, he busted out laughing, which was not
the reaction I'd expected at all. My entire body had
already tensed in expectation of him pouncing on me but
the attack never came. Instead, he fell back against his
mattress again laughing with renewed vigor.
"Oh please help me!" Jamie cried while clutching at
his face. "PLEEEASE!"
This time his laughter wasn't contagious in the
least. I don't know how I did it on my own but I managed
to get myself up on one elbow. Jamie had reached over his
head and grabbed his pillow to smother his laughter. I
fully expected Mom or Dad or maybe both of them to come
back into the room at any second but they didn't.
I waited patiently while Jamie carried on with his
fits of laughter and giggles. Still laying back with his
feet hanging over the foot of his bed, he lifted his
pillow off of his face. Exhausted, he managed to say
while still giggling away; "You ... You think ... You
think that I wet my bed ... like ... like you?"
Again, he buried his face with his pillow.
Despite trying to talk through his fits of laughter,
I distinctly heard the very reminiscent way in which he'd
always address my nighttime problem. For several seconds
I nearly reverted to my normal defensive attitude and had
I not been injured, I probably would have flew out of my
bed and tried to smother him with his own pillow. What he
said and did next, finally explained everything.
"OK, OK!" I heard him say, though it was muffled
since he still had his pillow over his face.
Throwing off his pillow, which didn't land on his
bed above him but fell to the floor, he sat up, looking
to our closed door before getting up and going to it. I
watched as he opened it a crack and peeked out. I
supposed he was making sure Mom and Dad were not anywhere
in the proximity of our voices. After re-closing the door
and going to his bag he opened it and started to rifle
through his belongings before pulling out a magazine. The
second the magazine was removed from his bag, he slipped
it under his shirt and was looking back toward the door
like he expected it to burst open at any second.
He looked toward me, and then put his finger to his
lips as if to tell me to be quiet. He then returned to
the door and repeated his actions just as he'd done the
first time. He had my curiosity peeked and I finally
spoke; "What is it?"
Still by the door, he ran his hand over the crack
between the door and the latch jam like he was somehow
magically sealing the door. Finally, he came over and sat
down on my bed next to me. He kept looking right at the
door and was acting very weird. I mean weirder then he
normally is. He was sitting very close to my chest and
that made me more then a little uneasy. One good thump of
his fist on my chest and I'd be a bawling mess! Shoot, he
wouldn't even have to thump me. He could just touch me
and he'd have me beat.
He looked down at me and then to the door again
before reaching under his shirt and pulling out the
magazine. I knew what it was even before he'd totally
removed it from under his shirt.
"Where'd you get ..." I didn't get to finish.
"Sssshhhhh!" He said, putting a hand over my mouth
and looking very worriedly at the door.
"I found it. Actually, I found a bunch of them in a
dumpster behind a bookstore not too far from my home." He
said in a barely audible whisper.
He handed the Playboy magazine to me and I held it
like I was holding a priceless work of art. On the cover
was a lady with long black hair and a red vinyl bathing
suit which was at least three sizes too small for her.
I'd totally forgot that Jamie still had his hand over my
mouth to keep me from making any noise.
"That is what you heard when you sat on my bed. I'd
been looking at it and hid it under my covers when I
started to fall asleep." Jamie said.
I am sure my eyes were the size of dinner plates as
I slowly turned each page of his treasured magazine. I
tried to say something and that was when I remembered he
still had his hand cover my mouth. When I'd tried to talk
he moved his hand and as quiet as I could I asked, "You
found a bunch of these?"
"Yeahh, and they are all different. They were brand
new; still had plastic over them." He whispered.
I reached the center of the magazine and exclaimed,
"HOLY ..." Jamie's hand had shot over my mouth again.
"Will you keep it down?" He whispered firmly. I
could only nod my compliance.
"My Mom caught me with one of these and she went
crazy!" Jamie said. "She thinks that I only had the one
she took it, burned it and things that was the end of it.
I'd really like to keep it that way!"
I nodded again as I reached up and moved his hand
away, "OK, sorry. But wow Jamie! I mean holy cow!"
"Yeahh! Tell me about it!" Jamie whispered with an
evil grin across his face. "Good, huh?"
"You...you got to let me borrow it!" I begged.
"No way!" Jamie said, trying to grab the magazine
back from me but I held on to it tightly.
"Please! I promise to keep it super safe! No one
will ever find it and I will give it back when you come
over next time!" I pleaded.
He let go of the magazine mostly because I think he
didn't want to wrinkle or rip the pages. "OK! But if you
get caught with it you'd better not say you got it from
me!" Jamie threatened while waving his fist only inches
from my nose.
"I won't get caught, I promise!" I said and Jamie
got up from my bed and went to check the door again. He
returned a moment later, standing over me and looking
down.
I looked up at him, "What?" I said still whispering.
"So are you?" He asked. I didn't know what he was
talking about.
"Am I what?" I asked.
His eyes went to my blankets before returning to my
eyes. There was an odd gleam in them and it unnerved me a
little. "What?" I demanded.
He looked frustrated. "Are you still wearing
diapers?"
"Man how slow can I be?" I thought.
I don't know what came over me at that particular
moment. Maybe it was just that I really felt like Jamie
had trusted me with something we both knew was very taboo
and had the potential to get us both hung out to dry. I
took hold of my covers and in one fluid motion flung them
off of me revealing my diaper. However, I'd completely
forgot that I was wearing cloth diapers and plastic pants
instead of the disposable ones and I pulled the covers
back over myself as quickly as I'd removed them. I was
horror stuck that I'd let down my guard for only a second
and in that second, had opened myself up to a verbal
attack.
I looked at Jamie. My entire head was blazing
scarlet with mortification. His eyes were still looking
to where my diaper had just been revealed to him. Mouth
hanging open, eyes glazed, he made a noise in his throat
like a combination of him clearing his throat, coughing,
and a gasp of astonishment.
"I dare you to say something!" The tone of my voice
scared even me. I sounded possessed.
Jamie finally looked at me but his expression had
not changed in the slightest bit. My embarrassment began
to morph into anger and then rage. It felt like my brain
was boiling in my skull and that at any second, my eyes
were going to spew fire.
Without saying a word, Jamie turned his back to me
and sat down on the edge of my bed. He still had that
same stunned expression but there was something else now.
Almost a kind of worried aspect maybe.
He twisted his head and stared right into my eyes. I
expected him to say something but he closed his mouth and
turned away and made that same clearing, coughing and
gasping noise in his throat again, only stronger this
time.
Maybe it was a good thing that the two of us heard
someone coming down the hall. I'd stuffed the magazine
down between the left side of my bed and the wall just as
our bedroom door opened.
"You boys ready for dinner?" Mom asked, and from the
look she was giving us, it was apparent that she knew
she'd just walked into the middle of something.
"What's going on?" She asked suspiciously.
"Ahh... nothing, we were just talking is all." Jamie
said quickly, "Um, what's for dinner?"
"Spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread." She
said, still trying to size up the situation.
"Cool!" Jamie expressed, standing up and taking a
step toward the door before stopping and looking back to
me. "You coming?" He asked.
"I'll be right there!" I answered with a weak joke.
He left the room and Mom picked up on the hint.
She'd turned to my dresser even before I'd had to ask.
She opened the drawer with the disposable diapers in it
but hesitated, "You want to wear disposable or another of
what you have on now." She asked and I supposed that Dad
must have told her I was wearing cloth diapers earlier or
maybe she'd come in to check me while I'd been asleep. At
any rate, she knew I was in cloth diapers right now and I
felt this was a prefect chance to ask her something that
had been in the back of my mind all afternoon.
"Mom? Can I ask you something?" I said.
"She sweetheart." She said, "What is it?"
"Um, how come you got me those cloth diapers?" I
asked in a very mellow tone.
She came back over to my bed empty handed and sat
next to me. "Well I wasn't sure what was going to be the
best for you to use. It's been a very long time since
I've had to diaper anyone and lets face it, you're just a
little bigger than a normal baby."
The way she said "normal baby" didn't sit too well
with me but I chose to let it slide for the moment.
"The salesman up at Med-Mart was very kind and
helpful in that respect." She said. Then with the same
breath she added; "I think the cloth diapers will be
cheaper in the long run."
I was about to comment on that but she stood up and
said, "Do you want to get changed before, or after
dinner?"
"Before!" I answered very quickly and before she
could ask her question again I said; "Disposable this
time?" It came out more like a question than a statement.
Mom took her cue from my lack of surety and came back
over to the bed, pulled down my covers and proceeded to
pull down the plastic pants.
"Oh honey, you have hardly used these at all. Let's
just wait and change you after dinner OK?" She said,
snapping the plastic pants back over the cloth diaper.
I sighed as she went and got the pants and shirt
she'd put me in earlier today and helped me to get
dressed. She helped me to get sat up and once she had
pulled the pants up to my knees, I was able to finish
pulling them the rest of the way up by myself however I
still needed her help putting on my shirt. For some reason,
lifting my arms up over my head like that still hurt; I
guess because it stretches everything out.
I waddled down the hallway with Mom right behind me
in case I lost my balance. We stopped off at the bathroom
and washed our hands before completing our trek to the
kitchen. When we got there no one was there. I looked at
Mom kind of puzzled and she answered; "In the dining room
sweetheart."
"Oh!" I said, feeling kind of dumb as I waddled on
to the dining room where sure enough, I found Jamie and
Dad already sitting at the table.
Just as he'd done before, Dad didn't say or even
draw attention to the fact that I was so amply diapered.
Jamie, on the other hand, was staring right at the bulg in
my pants and gawking. Dad reached over and popped Jamie
lightly on the back of the head. That did the trick to
snap him out of his stupified daze.
As I sat down, I noticed the distinctive crinkle and
to me, it sounded very loud but no one else acted like
they had heard anything. I sat right next to Jamie, which
was something I never did in the past. We'd always sit on
opposite sides of a table or room from each other
whenever possible. Jamie leaned over and whispered.
"Sorry."
I didn't know what he was apologizing for so I
asked, "What for?"
"For staring at you!" He whispered back.
"Oh, that's OK. I don't mind." I lied.
Dinner was absolutely wonderful. Jamie and I both
had two full plates and I lost track of how much garlic
bread I had. After dinner, Mom surprised us with hot,
freshly made apple dumplings for desert. Man, those
things were to die for! Both Jamie and I were so full
that we could barely eat ours but somehow, we managed.
After dinner, the two of us went back to our room.
Jamie helped me by walking in front of me and letting me
hold on to his shoulders. Actually, I didn't need him but
he wanted to help, so I let him. Once back in our room,
he helped me to lay down and then went over and fell
backward onto his own bed, moaning his discomfort. We were
both so full that we were in pain but it was a good pain.
The two of us talked for a while until Dad came in to ask
if we wanted to watch a DVD in the living room. We were both
still feeling so uncomfortably full, that we just wanted
to continue laying on our beds.
When Dad left us alone again, Jamie sat up. "Want to
watch something in here instead?"
"OK!" I agreed.
Jamie got up from his bed and came over next to
mine. "Scooch over." He implored.
Though we'd never been in such close proximity before,
I shifted myself closer to the wall so that he could lie
down next to me.
I let him have control of the remote and what we
would watch. He ended up stopping on the newer version of
Planet of the Apes. I'd seen it a couple times before but
it's a good enough movie that I didn't mind watching it
again. We'd come into the movie about ten minutes after
it started and seeing as how he'd never seen it before, I
had to explain to him what had happened up to that point.
Then the two of us laid in silence, watching the movie.
Well honestly, I wasn't really getting into the
movie. Actually, I was having a hard time concentrating
on it with Jamie laying right beside me. The fact that
our shoulders were touching was sort of weirding me out.
I wasn't covered up with my blankets and aside from the
fact I had on the sweatpants and a warm shirt, it was
still wholly noticeable that I had on a large cloth
diaper. Also, the fact that Jamie wasn't acting like
himself at all bothered me too. I mean, he was trying to
be nice to me and not say anything monumentally stupid
and that was uncharacteristic for him.
Right at the point in the movie where the humans
escape with the aid of one of the female apes, Mom came
into our room and found us in bed together watching the
movie. Mom's tack was nothing short of awesome!
"You boys OK?" she asked.
"Yes" We both said at once.
With the back of Jamie's hand, he lightly swatted my
hip, accidentally making contact with my diaper. He and I
both know he did it but we acted like it didn't happen.
"Jinx!" Jamie said.
I was Jinxed and thus couldn't utter a single word
until someone said my name. Then Mom, right on cue,
asked; "Simon, do you need anything?"
Jamie sat up and spun around to look directly at
Mom. "Ahhh! You weren't supposed to say his name!" He
complained.
I laughed, "Ha haaa! Saved by Mom!" I chanted.
Now I knew exactly what Mom had been asking and the
truth was I knew I was getting close to needing changed
but the idea of Mom changing me with Jamie anywhere
around didn't set well with me.
"Yeahh, I'm cool!" I said craning my head back to
make eye contact with her.
"OK, you boys just let me know if you need
anything." Mom said, looking right at me.
Mom left again and we both settled back into the
movie but not before I glanced at the clock to see that
it was getting late. I remembered that Bull and Tater
were supposed to show up at 10 PM. The longer I thought
about it the more I realized how fundamentally stupid I
would have to be to attempt to try to leave the house.
Not because Jamie was there, but because I was in
absolutely no shape to go gallivanting across town in
Bull's car. Heck, I still couldn't turn myself at my
waist, sit up, or lay down, without someone's help. In
the end I resolved that I wasn't going to go with them
when they showed up but my resolve was not as concrete as
I had wished it to be.
I felt torn inside. I knew that if I could just get
ten minutes alone with Bull, Tater, and Runt, I could
talk some sense into them. However, at the same time, I
still had that voice in the back of my head telling me
that I should call the police and tell them everything I
knew and hope I didn't get sent to jail for my part in
the one robbery.
Out of the corner of my eye I glanced at Jamie to
see if he was still watching the movie, which was nearing
the end. His eyes were glued to the screen and he looked
tense, like he was preparing for the worst. We were right
at the point were the hero, I can't remember his name in
the movie, was going to blast the apes.
"Jamie?" I said softly.
"What?" He answered without taking his eyes away
from the movie.
"I need to ask... well, tell you something." I said.
Forgetting the movie for a second, he looked right
at me; "You need your Mom to change you now?" He asked.
I was caught off guard by his comment. "Uh, um I;
No, that's not it!" I stammered.
"Have you heard about those robberies that have been
on the news?" I asked.
His expression changed to one of confusion. "Uh,
Yeahh." He said hesitantly.
"Well, um ... if I tell you something do you
promise not to tell a living soul?" I asked.
Jamie propped himself up on one elbow and was
completely focused on me now, having forgot about the
ending of the movie.
"You got to swear!" I demanded.
"I swear!" He said.
"No I mean it! You got to really swear!" I said,
emphasizing the word 'really'.
"I swear! I swear! What?" He said quietly but
excitedly.
I craned my head to see that Mom had left our door
open. "Close the door." I whispered.
I hardly had the words out of my mouth and he was up
and doing just that. He dropped himself back down beside
me leaning one his elbow again. "OK, they are nowhere in
site. Now WHAT?" He demanded.
"I know who's been doing them." I admitted and when
I did so I couldn't look him in the eyes.
"Oh my gawd you been robbing all those stores?" He
said, getting up on his knees.
"NO!" I snapped, still trying to keep my voice down.
Jamie's eyebrows lowered a bit. "Well not all of them." I
said and his eyebrows went further up on his forehead
than before.
"I was only with them once; you know the night I
came to see you? I didn't even know what they were doing.
Heck, I got so scared when I finally figured it out that
I had one of the worst asthma attacks I'd ever had!" I
was trying hard to make it sound like I was completely
innocent, though I didn't believe it myself.
I finally looked at Jamie who had turned completely
white with shock. "Who?" He asked.
"Well you know that kid that I saved from getting
beat up?" I asked.
"Yeahh." He answered.
"One of them is his big brother, Bull." I added.
"You mean 'THE BULL'?" Jamie asked, placing his hands
behind his head and attempting to squeeze his brain with
his forearms.
I shook my head to let him know he was right. "And
two of his teammates." I said.
Jamie swore under his breath as he turned and got up
off the bed. He was pacing the floor and repeating the
'SH' word over and over while still squeezing his brain
with his arms. Suddenly he stopped and turned toward me.
"Does anyone else know?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't even think the
police have a clue who's been doing it!"
Jamie proceeded to pace the floor and let several
mumbled curse words leak from his mouth from time to
time. Every couple of steps he would look at me, shake
his head and then continue pacing.
I finally said, "I'm scared that if I tell, I
will go to jail too!"
At this he quickened his pace and was now saying the
'F' word over and over again. He'd switched from
squeezing his head to pulling at the hair on the back of
his head.
"Will you please stop that! You are freaking me
out!" I admitted.
He stopped and sat on the corner of his bed. I
noticed that the credits of the movie had just started
rolling so I clicked the TV off.
"I can't think like this!" He said, standing back up
and continuing his pacing.
"Do you know for sure it was them?" He asked.
"Well Yeahh! I mean I was with them that one time
and they even told me they been doing it for sometime!" I
told him and he started squeezing his head again.
"I don't know for sure if it was them that shot
those two people though." I added and from Jamie's
reaction, I could tell he'd not heard about the
shootings.
"What? They shot someone?" He said forgetting to
whisper.
I put my finger to my lips to remind him to keep it
down. He put a hand over his mouth and repeated himself
like I had not heard him the first time. "They shot
someone?"
"I don't know if it was them or not!" I said
strongly, managing to get myself up on one elbow again.
Without being asked, Jamie came over and helped me
to sit all the way up. His method for doing so hurt more
but I didn't complain.
"You got to tell someone!" Jamie whispered.
"But what if it wasn't them?" I countered.
"Look you already know they been robbing stores
right?" Jamie asked but before I could answer, Dad came
into the room.
"You boys need to start thinking about bed." Dad
said.
Jamie looked like he was having a hard time hiding
his emotions but I managed to keep a fairly level head.
"Can we just stay up and talk if we are quiet?" I asked.
"As long as you are quiet and in bed!" Dad said,
pointing at the two of us. "Jamie, why don't you go get
your shower now?"
With absolutely no argument Jamie got up and started
out of the room but Dad stopped him just as he was about
to head out the door. "You feeling OK?" Dad asked.
"Yeahh, fine!" Jamie said not too convincingly.
"He's just a bit bummed about the way Planet of the
Apes ended." I interjected quickly.
"Yeahh, it was a stupid ending!" Jamie added and
quickly made his exit before Dad could say anything else.
Dad watched Jamie walk down the hallway to the
bathroom before turning back to me, "Your Mom will be in
to help you get ready for bed in a minute." Dad said with
a peculiar countenance.
Still sitting on the side of my bed, I waited for
Mom to come in. When she did, she didn't seem too happy
that I was up. "Just because you are feeling a little
better doesn't mean you can start horsing around again."
Mom lectured.
"We weren't, we were just watching a movie, and then
we started talking." I said and Mom gave me one of her
looks. "Honest!" I said, putting my right hand over my
heart and my left hand into the air.
"You heard what I said!" Mom growled and then she
continued; "Lets get you laid back down so that we can
get you cleaned up and ready for bed."
Mom had me out of the overly wet cloth diaper,
cleaned up and into one of the disposable diapers in
record time. She had allowed me to choose which I liked
better and though the cloth diapers seemed to allow me to
go longer between changes, I liked the disposable better
because they were not so bulky and it wasn't as hard to
move around and walk in them. I could tell she was
rushing so that she'd be done before Jamie came back from
his shower. She'd slipped on a pair of shorts over the
diaper when she was done, tucked me into bed, and was
just leaving the room when Jamie came back in the room
wrapped in a towel and carrying his clothes in his
arms.
In the past, whenever one of us had to change
clothes or get dressed, one would go to the bathroom,
usually me, and the other would get dressed in our room.
However, this time as Mom left, Jamie closed our bedroom
door and dropped his towel. It was the first time I'd
ever seen him naked. The closest I'd ever come was when
he would wear his Speedo swim suit in the summer time
when we'd go up to the public pool to swim.
I never got a look at the front of Jamie but I did
get a pretty good show from the rear. He bent over and
pulled open his bag as he rummaged for something to put
on. He pulled out a pair of black boxer shorts, stepped
into them, and pulled them on before pulling down his bed
and jumping into it leaving his wet towel lying on the
floor. Any other time, I'd have gone off on him for
leaving it lying there but I let it go seeing as how I
didn't want to start something with him.
We didn't take up our conversation again until Dad
came in to make sure we were tucked in good and tight. As
soon as Dad left, closing the door most of the way, Jamie
kicked of his covers, went over and made sure the door was
completely closed. He then came over, sat down on my
bed by my hip with one leg on my bed and the other
hanging down to the floor.
"So?" He asked in a hushed whisper.
"I don't know!" I said exasperated.
"OK! I was thinking while I was in the shower and I
got an idea." He crossed his arms in front of himself and
was rubbing his biceps.
"You cold?" I asked.
"A little." He answered.
"Want to get under the covers with me while we talk?"
I asked.
He looked at me funny, "Promise you won't pee on
me?" He said.
I instantly got mad and I felt the fire erupt in my
face but Jamie smiled, "I'm only joking! Sheesh, get a
grip Simon!" He said, and acted like he was going to
punch me in the leg but didn't.
"You're a jerk!" I joked and he stood up, pulled my
covers down and started to get in but stopped.
"Hey?" He said sounding confused and a little
shocked. Again forgetting to whisper but catching
himself he covered his mouth with one hand.
"What?" I asked.
"What happen to the other diaper?" He asked,
remembering to whisper this time.
"I needed a new one." I said, without going into
detail. I was relieved when he accepted that and climbed
in next to me.
He was indeed cold as I felt him against me. I slid
over enough to allow him more room so that he wasn't
laying right on the edge of the bed.
"Man you are cold!" I declared.
"Yeahh!" He said. "I didn't wait for the water to
warm up much." He said.
From under the covers, I extended my left arm across
myself and started to rub his upper arm and shoulder to
help warm him up.
"Better?" I asked.
"Yeahh" He answered.
"So what is your idea?" I asked finally.
"OK, I seen this movie where these guys robbed all
these banks and one of the guys was forced to do it
because the other guys had some dirt on him. Anyway, this
guy that was forced to do the robberies didn't like doing
it and he ended up calling the police and giving them an
anonymous tip-off where the next robbery was going to
happen." Jamie explained.
Sensing where Jamie was going I interrupted, "Yeahh
but I don't know where they are going to rob next!"
"Well you don't have to. All you got to do is call
the police and tell them who's been doing all the
robberies." Jamie added confidently.
"Yeahh but then they will get into trouble." I said
stupidly.
"Hello! Simon!" Jamie knocked on my forehead as
though he were knocking on a door. "They been robbing and
maybe shooting people!"
I took hold of his hand and pulled it back under the
covers so that he couldn't knock on my head anymore. I
also didn't let go of it once I had it under the covers
but continued to glutch onto his wrist.
I let out a sigh. "I'd actually thought about doing
that already. I guess I am scared that the guys will know
it was me and then tell the police that I was with them
that night."
Jamie tugged against my grip once and accidentally
bumped me in the ribs. I sucked in air and held it as I
slammed my eyes shut and I tried to ride out the pain
without crying out. Jamie had sat bolt right up in the
bed. "Oh Simon!" He gasped, realizing what he'd done.
"Are you OK?" He pleaded as if willing me to be OK.
I let my breath out slowly as a tear ran out of the
corner of my eye. "Should I get your Dad or Mom?" He
asked, holding his head.
"No!" I gasped. "No! I will be OK in a second." For
some reason actually talking got my tears really going.
Jamie looked like he was on the verge of tears himself.
"Hey" I said softly.
"What? Anything! What?" Jamie said frantically.
"Do me a favor and don't do that again." I managed
to joke.
"Oh Crap! Are you OK? Tell me you are OK!" Jamie's
voice cracked.
I took two breaths, the second deeper then the
first. "Yeahh, I'm OK now I think."
"I am so very sorry Simon! I didn't mean to!" His
voice cracked again.
"Really, I am OK!" I assured him.
I wiped my tears from the sides of my face. "Are you
sure you are OK? I didn't mean it Simon; really I
didn't!"
"Don't be a jerk! I know you didn't mean to." I said
continuing to wipe at my eyes.
"Maybe I should go back to my bed." Jamie said,
sounding like he was crying now.
"Really bro! I'm OK!" I said and when I called him
'bro' he lit up like the Fourth of July.
"You sure?" He asked one more time.
"Yeahh, I guess I had that coming!" I said.
"What?" He said totally confused.
"Well you did owe me one since I attacked you the
other day for something as stupid as you using my
computer!" I said.
Jamie wiped at his left eye and placed the same hand
on my right thigh. "I really am sorry!" He said again.
"Shut up and lay down again!" I said with a smile
this time.
Jamie laid himself down but very slowly. He was
trying to stay as far from me as he could to keep from
accidentally bumping my ribs again.
"Jamie! I'm OK! You don't have to lie all the way
over there on the edge! Come on back over!" I said as I
reached my right hand and pulled on him. He moved back
over but wouldn't touch me.
"Here!" I said taking hold of his arm again. He must
have been scared to resist for fear of hurting me again
because I was able to take his arm and he rolled over on
his side facing me. I could see that he was crying and
took his arm and laid it across my bare stomach. He was
looking into my eyes and looked scared as could be.
"Would you relax? I'm not going to break!" I
whispered.
I looked up at the ceiling and we didn't talk for
quite a while. I was thinking about his plan and
listening to his breathing get softer and softer until I
drifted off to sleep. I awoke right at ten minutes to ten
when Dad was picking Jamie's body up out of my bed and
placing him in his own bed.
When Dad saw that I was awake he whispered,
"Everything OK tiger?"
I nodded my head and looked at the clock again, it
now read nine minutes to ten. "Bull and Tater will be
here any minute." I thought to myself.
Once Jamie was tucked back into his own bed Dad came
over and helped me get resituated before tucking me in
again. He tousled my hair and whispered, "I'm glad you
and Jamie have mended your fences but you need to be more
careful. He could have accidentally hurt you in his sleep
without even knowing it."
I just nodded again and he left the room, pulling
the door closed again. I listened to see if Jamie was
really asleep and from the sound of his breathing I
guessed that he was. I looked at the clock; it now read
five minutes to ten. My heart was already racing and I
was trying to sift through my brain for a plan that would
allow me to not go with them.
"I could fake like I am asleep and if they come to
my window the way I am expecting them to, then they will
see that I am asleep and just leave." I said quietly to
myself.
"No that will never work! If they tap on the window
they might wake up Jamie or maybe even Mom and Dad will
hear them." I argued.
"Simon, what are you going to do?" I asked myself
before looking back at the clock again. It was now two
minutes to ten.
Pulling my covers off myself, I got myself up on one
elbow, swung my legs over the side of my bed and let
them drop to the floor. Using the weight of my legs, I
was able to slide my backside off the bed and the rest of
me followed. I'd managed to end up kneeling on the floor
and I'd hardly felt anything at all. Using my bed, I got
myself to my feet and walked over to the window. My
diaper sounded so loud I was scared it might wake up
Jamie but I'm sure that was mostly just my imagination
working in overdrive.
I looked out for the first time all evening. It was
like looking into one of those snow globes. Everything
was covered in white. Even the street was white, though I
could tell the snowplow had gone down our street recently.
I had not heard them and assumed it must of come by while
I was sleeping. The snow was still falling and the road
had already been re-covered with a thin blanket of white
powder.
Standing there next to the window, I could feel the
cold radiating off the glass. Goosebumps crept across my
skin and I consciously fought off the urge to shiver.
Shuffling my feet I turned around, pulled off the
quilt from my bed and wrapped myself in it before turning
back to watch out the window.
Another glance at the clock told me it was now five
minutes past ten. "Maybe they won't come!" I whispered to
the window.
I'd decided my course of action. When they came I
would tell them I was not going, that I couldn't go
because I was hurting way too much. By twenty after ten,
I'd pretty much convinced myself they were not coming. My
feet felt like they had froze to the hardwood floor
beneath the window and I kept telling myself; "I'll give
them five more minutes and then I'm going back to bed." I
did this several times.
"Maybe they can't drive in the snow? Maybe they got
stuck someplace?" I kept whispering to the window, my
breath would fog up the glass and I would watch as it
evaporated off again.
At twenty minutes to eleven a car started down the
hill slipping and sliding. Dad had been right earlier in
the evening when he said all the rain would freeze. From
the look of the car, the driver was having a very hard
time on the ice. As it passed by my window I saw that
although it was moving on down the hill, neither of the
two tires facing me were turning. I watched it until it
was out of sight. I never heard any crunching of metal so
I guess whoever was driving had managed to reach the
bottom safely.
It was very peaceful standing there at my bedroom
window, watching the snow fall and refill the tracks left
by the car that had passed over twenty minutes ago.
Across the street, one of the neighbor's lights went on
for a few minutes and then went back off. I guessed they
must have got up to use the bathroom. That reminded me
that since getting beat-up, I'd hardly had any use for a
bathroom. I thought about the time in the hospital when
Nurse Bridget had let me sit on the toilet and then I
realized I couldn't wipe myself when I had finished
going; I'd felt so helpless then.
My hand found the front of my diaper and with a
gentle squeeze I could tell I was wet. "Must have done it
when I was asleep." I tried to convince myself. Standing
there feeling cold, despite having the quilt wrapped
around me, I felt the need to go again and before I could
think what to do, I was already going in my diaper. It
sagged with this added weight and I started to wonder if
it would get me through the night. "I should have let Mom
put the cloth ones on me." I told the window.
The clock told me that it was now seventeen minutes
to midnight and I finally gave up on them. Actually, I'd
given up on them coming long before but somehow, standing
there watching the snowfall was so relaxing. The
snowflakes seemed to dance as they drifted down beneith
the glow of the street lamp. I shuffled my feet back over
to the side of my bed, draped the quilt over the footboard,
and tried to lower myself down onto my bed. It proved to
hurt more than I had thought it would, but finally I
found that just letting my butt fall to the mattress was
the best plan. The jolt hurt quiet a bit and I sank my
teeth into my bottom lip to keep from crying.
The clock read midnight before I tried to move
again. I rolled over on to my elbow and then backwards
until my head hit my pillow. Swinging my feet up proved
to hurt too but not as much as sitting had. I wasn't
exactly lying in the most comfortable position but I
didn't want to hurt myself anymore than I had already. I
pulled the covers over myself and closed my eyes. I had
not fallen back to sleep yet when I heard a soft
crunching sound from outside.
Hurting too much to try to get back up right away, I
just waited and listened. It was very quiet for a minute,
maybe two, and then the muffled crunching started again.
I knew that sound; it was someone walking on the snow.
I lifted my head and saw the silhouette of a head
lit from behind by the street lamp. It was unmistakable
that it belonged to Tater. A second later, there was a
second silhouetted head in my window. It didn't look
anything like Bull's head so I guessed it must be Runt. I
could hear hushed whispers even with the window closed.
"I can see him in his bed but he looks to be
sleeping." That was defiantly Runts whispered voice I
heard.
"I told you he wouldn't still be up!" I heard Tater
whisper.
Maybe it was stupid of me and I still don't know why
I did it but I lifted my head and put my finger to my
mouth to let them know I could hear them. They're
whispers stopped and I saw Tater motioning me to come to
the window. I shook my head no but he kept waving his
hand for me to get up. I gave in and just as I had done
before I managed to get myself out of bed. I was still
kneeling on the floor, panting as I was hurting more than
I cared for. I got to my feet slowly. It occurred to me
that had Mom not put the shorts on me when she'd changed
me, the diaper I was now wearing might have fallen off of
from being so wet. I felt like I was walking with a small
pillow between my legs as I made my way back to the
window. Before I opened it, I looked over at Jamie. His
face was turned away from me. I was glad for that.
Opening the latches, I kept my eyes on Jamie for any
movement. I only cracked the window enough that we could
talk through it. The cold from outside was spilling in
fast and without the quilt wrapped around me, my body
wanted to shiver but again I fought it off.
"Spaz! Sorry we're late but we couldn't get away
until just a little while ago." Tater said and then
added, "Quick, get dressed and lets go!"
"I'm not coming!" I said with more confidence then I
was feeling.
"What?" Runt asked.
"I'm not coming! I'm hurting too much!" I said.
Tater was fidgeting in his pocket, "I came prepared,
here take this! It's what we take when we get hurt. It
will take all the pain away and make you feel like a
million bucks." Tater said holding out a small green and
blue capsule.
"I'm not taking that!" I said, pushing Tater's hand
back out of the window.
"Trust me Spaz! It's nothing bad and it will take
away the pain like magic." Tater attempted to convince me
but I wasn't falling for it.
"I don't much care what you say it will do! I am
not putting that in my mouth and I'm not coming with
you!" I said resolutely.
"Come on Spaz! We need you!" Tater said as Runt
turned away from the window and made an 'I don't know'
gesture at Bull's car that was parked on the street
directly in front of my window. I could see that there
was someone else in the backseat and could only guess
that it must be Two-Toes.
Tater had reached in through the window again and
had taken hold of my arm, "Listen Simon! You need to cut
the crap, get dressed, and come on! We got to go!"
I jerked my arm free hurting myself in the process.
"No! I'm not coming! And you should know that I'm
planning on telling the police what I know!" I couldn't
believe my bravery.
Tater tried reaching in to grab me again but I'd
stepped back out of his reach. At that second the bear
Jamie had brought me as a gag gift toppled over and fell
across the window, hitting Taters arm. Tater let out a
muffled yell but it was loud enough that it woke up
Jamie. Tater had pulled his arm back out of the window.
I quickly slammed it shut and latched it. The look
Tater was giving me through the glass was one of pure
rage like I'd never seen from him before. He was
clutching his arm tightly to his body and cradling it
with his other arm. I looked back over at Jamie who was
out of bed and standing halfway between his bed and mine.
He was looking groggy but angry all at the same time.
With one last look at Tater and Runt making their way
back to Bulls car, I pulled the curtain closed.
Without a single word Jamie helped me back to my bed
and I was just sitting down when the door to our room
flew open. "What's going on?" Dad demanded and when he
saw me sitting up he started to get mad.
"Ah, I think Simon fell out of bed!" Jamie said
quickly.
"What? Are you OK?" Dad asked coming over and
squatting down in front of me.
"I'm OK. I just was hot and I wanted to get some air
but I think I hurt myself trying to get back in bed." I
lied, while looking right at Jamie. I knew it was cold in
the room since having the window open and I felt I
covered myself well enough.
"Simon! I don't want you trying to get up on your
own again! If I catch you trying to get out of bed on
your own again more than your ribs are going to be
hurting! Do you understand?" Dad was using a tone of
voice that I'd rarely heard from him.
I shook my head. "Yes sir!" I answered.
Dad helped me to lay back down and tucked my covers
around me again before doing the same for Jamie.
Before leaving the room again, he looked down at me.
"I mean it! Don't get out of that bed again without
help!"
"I won't!" I assured him, although I knew as soon as
he was in bed, I was going to be getting back up again.
This time, when he left, he didn't close the door
but left it all the way open. Even in the dark I could
see that Jamie was sitting up on his elbows and looking
right at me. I listened intently until I was sure Dad was
back in his room. when I tried to get up on one elbow it
hurt so much that I couldn't do it.
"I need your help!" I whispered through the dark to
Jamie.
"No way!" Jamie whispered back.
"Come on Jamie! I got to go call the police right
now!" I said as strongly as I could while still managing
to only whisper.
A moment or so passed before I saw Jamie move again.
I figured that he'd been trying to decide whether he
should help me or not. He got out of bed, came over, and
knelt down beside my head.
"What if your Dad hears you?" Jamie asked.
"I have to call now! I think they are on their way
to go do another robbery right now!" I continued to plead
with him. "Listen, all we have to do is sneak into Dad's
office and use the phone in there. He won't be able to
hear us all the way through the house."
Jamie shook his head as if disagreeing but he then
said, "OK, but if we get caught, I'm going to kill you!"
"If we get caught, you won't have too 'cause I will
already be dead!" I said as Jamie took a hold of both of
my hands and pulled me up.
I had to sit on the end of my bed for several
minutes before I could attempt to stand up. I was really
hurting a lot now but I knew I had to call right then or
I might never do it!
"Can you get me my robe from the closet?" I asked.
"And my slippers too?"
"Yeahh, hang on!" Jamie said, getting up and going
to the closet. It took him awhile to find them in the
dark but when he did locate them, he brought the robe
and slippers over and even helped me put them on.
"OK, I'm ready!" I said.
I had to really lean on Jamie a lot getting up. I
was hurting nearly as much as I had when I'd come home
from the hospital. We walked so very slowly down the
hallway. Jamie was in front of me walking backwards so
he could hold on to my arms to support me.
As we passed Mom and Dad's room, we moved even
slower. Neither of us made even the slightest sound. It
took us over fifteen minutes to get from our room to
Dad's home office. I leaned against Dad's desk as Jamie
went and closed the door but didn't latch it for fear of
making any noise. I clicked on the desk lamp because it
was too dark to see without it.
"Well, here goes everything!" I said, picking up the
phone and dialing the emergency number.
"911 Emergency Services, how can I help you?" The
voice on the other end of the line answered.
I swallowed hard and tried to make my voice sound
deeper as I spoke, "Listen! I know who's been robbing all
those stores and who shot those two people!"
"Sir, what is your name?" the voice asked.
Completely ignoring the emergency operator I
continued to talk. I gave her the four names as well as
Tater and Bull's addresses. I didn't know what Runt's and
Two-Toe's addresses were. I tried to stress how certain I
was that they were going to rob another store soon and
maybe even tonight. I hung up the phone without saying
good-bye and looked to Jamie for validation.
"That should do it!" Jamie said with a smile. He
then went over to the door and before he opened it, I
clicked off the desk light. Even though we were both
feeling excited and pumped up, we still took our time
getting back to our room. Until we had the door shut to
our room again, neither of us uttered another peep.
Holding on to my headboard for support I whispered
to Jamie, "Tell me I did the right thing!"
"You had too!" Jamie said, paused, and then added,
"But now you have a new problem."
"What?" Even though I was whispering, it was still
clear how on edge I was.
Jamie pointed at my shorts; I looked and sure enough
they were showing signs that my diaper was leaking. At
this point I was hurting so much that there was no way I
could even think of trying to deal with this problem.
With all the help Jamie had given me tonight I still was
scared and expecting him to say something mean but he
never did.
Like an idiot I just stood there unable to think
what to do. It was Jamie that again came up with a plan.
Why don't you get back in bed just like you are? I will
then go get your Mom and tell her you need her. Then she
can come and help you.
"I don't suppose you could help me instead?" I
asked.
"Not on your life!" Jamie said without thinking.
In the end, Jamie's plan worked out perfect. Mom
followed Jamie in, wearing her robe and slippers. Without
saying anything, Jamie got back into bed, rolled over on
his side, pulled his covers over himself, and either went
back to sleep or did a good job of faking like he was
sleeping.
"What's the matter sweetheart?" Mom asked, petting
my hair.
"I-I think I got a problem." I said pointed toward
my diaper area that was hidden under the covers.
Mom pulled back my covers and saw what I meant. "Oh,
we can take care of that sweetheart."
As she was pulling my shorts down my legs I wanted
to ask her for another pill but I was afraid she might
suspect that I'd been doing something I shouldn't and that
was why I was hurting so much.
When she had the tapes for the wet diaper removed
she said, "Lift up sweetie" but when I tried, it hurt
something horrible. I let out a small cry that I couldn't
hold back.
"Shhhhh! It's OK. Now, now, now, it's OK! Just
breathe, breathe for Mommy!" She said trying to get me to
calm down and just breathe.
She pulled the front of the wet diaper back up over
my boyhood and then pulled my covers back up to my chin.
"Mommy will be right back, just lay still OK?"
I couldn't talk, so I nodded my agreement. She was
back in a matter of seconds with one of my pills and a
fresh sipper cup. It only had water in it as I found out
when I took the pill.
"OK now." She hummed, taking the cup and setting it on
my side table.
"You let Mommy do everything and let me know if you
hurt. OK?" She was talking so sweet and soft that it made
me relax.
I nodded and she pulled back my blankets again and
then the diaper. Ever so gently, she lifted my right leg
just enough to get the wet diaper out from under me, then
lowered my leg again while she rolled the diaper up and
took it over to the can by the door. She quietly set it
in so as not to disturb Jamie who at this point, I was
hoping, had gone back to sleep. I learned later that he
had been secretly watching the entire time.
Even though there was little light in my room since
I'd closed my curtains earlier, Mom seemed to be able to
make her way around ok. She went to my dresser and pulled
out another of the cloth diapers and a pair of the
plastic pants. But, when she brought them over I could see
that the pants were different than what I had worn
earlier. They were a sort-of clear, brownish-gold color,
with snaps on the sides.
With a mother's touch, she lifted my leg back into
the air, slipped the plastic pants under me first and
then the cloth diaper, before lowering me onto them. She
had to return to my dresser to get a couple pins for the
diaper. However, she didn't come right back to me.
Instead, she walked back out of the room, leaving me
lying there nude and exposed to the night. I was thankful
it was so dark.
I figured out where she'd gone when she came back
with a wet washcloth in hand. Before coming over to me
she stopped and picked up the towel from the floor that
Jamie had dropped there earlier and tossed it into the
hamper. She then came over, wiped my diaper area and
I'm not exactly sure why, but what she said next
embarrassed me so much, I thought I might die.
"It looks like you might be getting a bit of a rash.
Mommy will have to get you some diaper cream tomorrow."
She said, still in her best Mommy voice. I remember
wondering how she could tell when it was as dark as it was.
I know Moms have special powers and I guess one of hers is
the ability to detect a diaper rash even in in the dark.
When she was satisfied that she had me cleaned up
enough she pulled the diaper up, pinned it into place,
then pulled the front of the plastic up over the front of
the diaper and snapped it together on both sides. Before
covering me back up, she gave the side of my diaper a
pat, leaned forward, and kissed my forehead. "Now you
should be OK the rest of the night." She cooed to me.
She made sure I was tucked in nicely, then went over
and dropped the washcloth she'd used on me into the
hamper before checking that Jamie was tucked in. A moment
later I heard her climbing back into bed with dad.
As soon as Mom had left, Jamie sat up in his bed
looking at me. I was glad I couldn't see his face clearly
or I probably would have been even more embarrassed.
"How do you stand that?" He whispered.
I knew what he meant and I suppose I should have
answered him but instead I just laid still, looking at the
ceiling. He eventually laid back down, but neither of us
slept the rest of the night.
When the morning light started to appear around my
bedroom curtain Jamie got up, pulled open the curtain,
and said; "Good morning" in an almost normal tone, which
seemed odd since we'd done so much whispering in the
night.