Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 05:20:31 -0500
From: Koshka <koshkathekittykat@aol.com>
Subject: South Of The Country, West Of The Sun

Don't read this if it offends you.
Don't read this if it is illegal to do so.
Some of this is fictional. Some of this is autobiographical.
I'm happy for any and all mail - questions, comments, critiques.
English isn't my first or even my second language, so be kind.
Enjoy!

*****

	It must have been close to midnight, because I could hear the
gravel crunching beneath the wheels of Max' parents' car. They always went
midnight bowling at the local bowling alley on Fridays.
	"I thought they'd never leave."
	That Max was something more than just what met the eye is something
I knew five minutes into meeting him for the first time. The iron blue
coldness of his eyes, the warm bronze of his skin and the palpable
athleticism beneath, absolutely everything about him enchanted me. But it
was his voice, still lost somewhere between boyhood and manhood but
possessed of such an absolute depth, that enchanted me most of all.
	"You ready?" he asked, voice already full of lust. He turned to
face me, but I couldn't look him in the eye. I dropped my gaze to my bare
feet and nodded.
	We killed the television and left the living room behind. It was a
short walk up the stairs and down the hallway to his room, but somehow it
felt longer. Something internal seemed to resist every step, but I kept
taking them. I followed behind Max, stared in his mess of sandy brown hair
and wondered what it - what anything - would look like by the time we were
through. But almost as that thought was born, we'd arrived in his room.
	"Here we are."
	He walked over to his bed and sat down. His room was comparatively
small for as large as his family's house was. The lights were off and the
window shades were already drawn, which should have comforted me some, but
it didn't.
	I took a step forward, but he stopped me.
	"Wait, stay right there! I want to watch you get undressed", he
whispered, although we were alone. "Do it slowly."
	As if I could do it any other way, my hands trembling as they
were. I had only just turned thirteen and nobody had ever even seen me in
my underwear before, much less nude. I pulled my oversized tank top over my
head, threw it haphazardly to the floor and couldn't help but shiver as
cool air hit my skin. I felt his eyes on me, I felt his anticipation. It
was unbearable.
	"Keep going."
	I took a breath and bit my bottom lip. My thoughts were racing. Did
he think that I was too skinny? Too pale? I'd have given anything to be
able to read his mind, his cognition was safely hidden behind those
ever-calm eyes, as always. My thumbs slung beneath the waistband of my
shorts - the short black ones I'd worn to soccer practice just that morning
- and in one easy motion, dropped them to my ankles. I kicked them away
into the corner and resisted the urge to make a sound or tremble any more
than I already was. Max' breathing had gotten heavier; I could hear it now,
the only sound in his otherwise empty room.
	When I'd woken up and gotten dressed that morning, I'd decided
thoughtlessly on a small pair of trunks from H&M, crimson red with white
stripes. As I stood there in nothing but that tiny pair of underwear, I
wished that I'd chosen something more... I wasn't even sure, adult? More
mature, at least. Something I might not have felt so much smaller than him
in. But I was smaller than Max, there was no denying that. He was a senior
in the high school while I was just an eighth grader. He was tall and
athletic while I was short and skinny. As I stood there in nothing but that
tiny pair of underwear, all those aspects of his physique that had
attracted me to him in the first place now served only to fill me with
insecurities and inadequacies.
	"The underwear too", he urged me on. I'd become accustomed to the
sound of lust in his voice whenever he and I would sneak away into hidden
corners of the school or the woods behind his house for secret kisses, but
never had his voice been so husky.
	"I d-don't... I don't know i-if I can" I mumbled. My eyes were
fixed on my toes and my whole body was trembling now. It was all I could do
not to cry, but I didn't think I'd be able to resist even that for much
longer if he kept me this way.
	Max rose to his feet, walked until his body was hardly an inch from
mine. I couldn't have wanted anything more at that moment than to fall
against him and squeeze his hard body with all the strength in my arms, but
I kept myself upright.
	"Don't be afraid", he whispered into my ear. His lips brushed my
earlobe so tenderly as he spoke. "You're safe. I'm not gonna' hurt you."
	"I know".
	His hands found their way to my hips and once again my teeth sunk
into my bottom lip. I struggled to keep control of my breathing. The first
tear broke free and slid down my cheek, but I kept myself from crying.
	"You have to relax Vik."
	His hands slid so slowly, so softly up my ribs and over my back,
only to find their way back to my hips again. I rested my face in that
familiar groove between his neck and those broad shoulders. There wasn't a
place in the world I felt safer, but even that did little to quell the
hurricane spinning in my stomach.
	"I know, I know. But... I don't think I can..."
	"Just let me take the lead."
	"I-I don't know, Max. I don't ---"
	He shushed me, ran one of his hands through my long, dark mess of
hair the way he knew I loved. I had to purr and press quiet kisses into his
neck, collarbone, anywhere my lips could reach. A feather-soft moan filled
my mouth when his lips connected with mine suddenly. We kissed, kissed,
kissed and my skin crackled with the same electricity it had a few months
ago when he'd given me that first kiss. I leaned into him, felt the dry
warmth of his hands moving up my back. We'd broken inertia; if there had
been any last chance to turn back, it was gone now.
	He broke our kiss, his lips brushed my earlobe again.
	"It's time, beautiful."
	"Don't call me that", I mumbled bashfully. If the room weren't dead
silent, he probably wouldn't have heard me.
	"You are beautiful", he whispered again. Then his teeth bit
playfully into my earlobe and a sound, frightened and excited and
high-pitched, escaped me.
	He pulled off his raglan and chucked it elsewhere. There it all
was: the full chest, the broad shoulders, the golden skin that always
smelled of summer sunshine regardless of the season. I'd seen maybe a
handful of older guys with better physiques, but Max' was the only one that
could ever make me feel this way - so safe and secure yet so helpless and
vulnerable - and I still hadn't been able to figure out why that
was. Perhaps because of the beatings I'd witnessed him give the guys he
caught bullying me and knew the violence that body was capable of. Perhaps
because of the tenderness those same powerful muscles had held me with in
secluded places so often in the year I'd known him.
	Or perhaps it was because I'd come to consider that wildly
beautiful body as my own and in doing so had exercised a level of
self-confidence I'd never before been capable of.
	Max' arms crisscrossed my torso and his hands slid down my sides so
slowly. Fear and desire ran through my bloodsteam like poison, so
overwhelming that it felt like vertigo. The handful of seconds it took them
to pass my hips were the longest of my life until that point. I whimpered
as they took hold of my underwear's soft fabric. My legs were too weak to
keep me upright; I leaned my back into the muscles of his torso and felt
myself drown beneath the wave of dizziness that washed over me as he pulled
my underwear off of my hips and let it fall to my ankles. For the first
time, I was nude in front of another person. I had never felt more exposed
in my entire life and suddenly I was very cold. Max had stepped away.
	"You are so goddamn beautiful, Vik."
	My cheeks burned. I wrapped my arms around my belly and stood
shivering exactly where I'd been told to stand. My hair hung in messy waves
about my face and shoulders and tears stung my eyes, though I couldn't
establish their cause. I had never been harder in my life.
	Max circled me, occasionally ran his fingertips along my belly,
thighs, ass, back, chest, face, always gingerly as if I were a porcelain
doll he was afraid of breaking. A tiny whine escaped my lips when those
fingertips danced over the silky taut skin between my legs.
	"You're so, so white and smooth, like an angel. Goddamn you are
beautiful."
	"S-Shut up."
	"Guess it's my turn, huh?"
	I nodded speechlessly. Without wasting another word, he undid his
belt buckle, let the jeans and boxers he was wearing drop, kicked them
away. My eyes went wide and I gasped. Between my legs was a small,
extremely hard bit of flesh, slender and pale and porcelain-smooth. But his
hardness was like one out of the videos he'd sent me over email, long and
thick with veins and hair and an enormous swollen head.
	There would be no more speaking between the two of us until long
after we were finished. Max pressed into a kiss and swept me into his bed,
where we would kiss and sweat and explore one another until the hunger
between us became too much to endure. On my back, I would whimper with that
intoxicating mix of helplessness and desire as he spread my legs apart. We
had no condoms, not even any lubricant beyond the half-empty jar of
Vaseline he kept in the nightstand by his bedside, but that would be
enough. As he pinned my arms over my head, pressed me tightly between the
mattress and the muscles of his stomach and chest and pushed himself deep,
so impossibly deep inside of me, tears would stain my cheeks and I would
scream from the agony of being split in two.
	"You wanted this", he whispered into my ear. He pressed a kiss to
my lips and then his hips began to move.
	That night I would experience the greatest pain I'd ever felt in my
entire life. The tempo of his thrusts only grew faster, harder, never
slowed or softened. I moaned and screamed, whimpered and cried as pain gave
way to something so much deeper and more powerful. Pleasure bloomed from
somewhere inside of my belly. Soon my legs were wound about his waist and
my nails sinking into his back. His teeth marred my unblemished white skin,
left wine-dark stains along my neck and shoulder. Before that night, I had
pleasured myself on occasion, maybe as many times as I had fingers on both
hands, maybe a few more even. And I'd thought that I'd known what to expect
- I'd seen all the videos, after all. But nothing could have prepared me
for the heights of ecstacy Max would bring me to before he finally groaned
and emptied himself into my belly. My whole world burned up in an instant
of blinding light.
	And then everything was consumed by darkness.