Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2000 16:13:45 EDT
From: Lyndhurst Rutherford <lyndie_73@hotmail.com>
Subject: Tad's Story chapter 11
Hello, my name is Lyndhurst Rutherford, or Lyndie for short.
The following story is purely fictional. This is a concerns friendship,
love, and sex between boys.
If you are offended by my work, please don't read it.
If this story is illegal because of your age or locality, don't read it.
This, dear reader, represents my first attempt at writing short stories.
If you do choose to read on, I would so enjoy hearing any and all serious
observations and critiques from you.
Please feel free to e-mail me at lyndie_73@Hotmail.com.
Copyright 2000, Lyndhurst Rutherford, all rights reserved.
------------ Tad Story..by Lyndhurst Rutherford...lyndie_73@Hotmail.com
Chapter 11
Darkness..........................
Fully, consuming darkness.
Blacker than the darkest night, becoming a shroud about me.
Totally enveloping darkness.....................
Where was I, that I could not see, hear, or touch?
I had no recall of where I was, or where I had been prior.
I only knew now, the present, this actual moment.
Moving my arms and legs about, I sensed the feeling that I was floating.
But where?
My body felt no fear, rather the opposite. I felt relief, perhaps the
warmth of overwhelming happiness from deep within. On the outside, I felt
coolness, yes, I did! And...and cool breezes rushing past, as if I were
moving! If I was moving, then I had'nt the slightest notion whether it was
forward, backward, side to side, or up and down.
I also had no idea where it was that I was moving to.
I had the strangest sensation that I had left something, or someone,
behind. But, left from where, who, and what, I knew not?? I knew only, that
I was Sam, but that was about it.
All at once I sensed something different about my surroundings.
What? What was it?
A pinpoint? Yes......a tiny pinpoint of light. Very small, but still
visable in complete opposite contrast to my shrouded surroundings.
As my eyes fixed on this tiny pin point of light, I noiced that it was
growing larger in size, as if,...as if...., yes, that's it! I was floating
straight towards the light. The closer I came to the light, the brighter it
became. Brighter and brighter. I had never witnessed anything of such
intensity, that seemed to shimmer in the darkened void.
Still through all this, I was not afraid.
In fact, the joy I felt through my body had increased to the point that the
light seemed to be my friend, a welcome place that I desired to get to as
quickly as possable. But...why???
Why was the light pulling me in, closer, ever closer and closer, why?
Suddenly the speed with which I had been traveling into the light seemed to
be steadily increasing. I was proceeding quite rapidly, onward, ever onward
into the light.
All at once, I found myself totally consumed by the light, leaving the
darkened void behind and fading from my view.
Beautiful, bright, dazzling, white light, flashing silently sbout me. As
with the blackness, I still could not define shape or form, just bright
white, warm, welcoming, white.
Moving,.....yes, still moving, I knew not how fast or where. Nor did I
care. My entire body felt a warm, loving, joyfull feeling. I felt in my
heart that where I was, was a place of love and joy, such that I had never
before felt. But I still could not recall from wence I had come or why I was
here.
Then the change came about....Sound..., I hear sound! At first, almost
completely inaudible. What was this sound. Whatever it was, the hearing of
it increased the joy and inner peace that coursed through by my body.
Yes......louder now..., singing!, Yes singing! A million voices or more all
in unique perfect harmony. Sweet melody calling me further into the bright
white.
Joyously forward without fear I went. Forward...forwward. Chorus of voices
becoming louder now. Oh, don't stop, so beautiful. I must join these voices
and feel their love about me. I needed to feel the warm love. The love that
seemed to pour into every fiber of my existance. Sooo sweet, so right.....
Bright white...changing....
Flashes of pink, lavender, blue, and gold. Flashing about my head. Singing,
oh...still the singig. Beautiful, haunting, sweet melody.
Where???....Where am I??? No more bright white, gone is the sound of the
sweet melody.
All at once I found myself standing in a field. A long, sun drenched field
of thick, soft grass. Grass so soft and thick and fragrance of being freshly
cut. Oh...what heavenly perfume.
To look above me, I saw azure blue skies, a soft pastel of inner peace, as
the skies became filled with floating puff ball clouds, rolling merrily by
on their way to.....wherever clouds went.
Looking about, I spied neither house nor fence, as the fields seemed to go
on endlessly.
"Hello??", I shouted out.
No reply.
Again and again I shouted out, but no reply was returned.
Wait! My eye has seen something....yes...a movement of some sort. White,
glowing, moving up and down, but oddly enough, not a sound did I detect.
Closer, closer it came. White, gold, shimmering against the blue skies, and
all at once I could at last make out what I was looking at.
A horse! A horse and rider!
As they came galloping up in no time at all, I was enthralled by the
strength and beauty of this fine animal. Approximatly fifteen hands high, a
pure white stallion, nostrills flaring as he drew in his breath, head
shaking violently about. His mane, a cascade of brilliant white. The same
type of blindingly brilliant white as when I was transported here. Around
this pure white stallion, semed to be a glow, a brilliant golden glow.
Yet, as the beast drew near, it's approach was totally silent. Nor could I
feel even the slightest vibration in the ground that normally should have
shook like thunder, under the hooves of this enormous animal.
As the horse came ever near, I could now make out the rider. About my own
age, perhaps a bit older. Red hair, curly red hair, and shining green eyes.
He seemed to me, to be very well built. The type of muscle that came from
manual labor and working hard all his life.
He was barefoot,and attired in brown overalls and blue farmers shirt.
As he rode up right beside me, I gazed up at him directly in the eyes. I
had to. I felt compelled to. Soft, understanding, loving eyes that seemed to
look right through me. Something about him was so sweet and innocent. So
clean and friendly that I felt no fear at all. And, oh...he had the most
beautiful smile. What a lovely boy was he. Completely, the most beautiful
face I had ever seen.
As he dismounted, I noticed that he was surrounded by the same glow that
was around the horse.
"Hello Sam".
"You...you know my name, Sir?"
He giggled in a beautiful, soft voice. "Aye, Laddy. I know your name. But,
if ya' please, I'll have none o' that Sir rubbish. Ya' see, Sir is for a
well heeled gent, of which ya' can see, I'm not. But for now boyo, y' can
call me by me God given name. Michael".
For some odd reason, the sound of his name, struck in me something
familiar. As if I should have known it all along but....from where?,how?
"Please Michael, what is this place, and why am I here?"
"Don't ya' recall anything lad?", he said with bemusement, while he smiled
at me again.
"Michael, all I know is my name. How I came to be here, and from where, I
do not. Can you help me?"
Michael looked at me intently now, the smile gone from his face, as if what
I asked was serious business.
"Sam, I...,yes, I can help ya' remember, but I must warn ya' first, that
what you see may not be all too pleasant. Are ya' still sure, Lad?"
"Oh yes Michael! Whatever it is, I need to know. I feel as though I've left
something or someone behind, and.....Oh dear, I don't know who, or where, or
what. Please, please help me".
"Alright laddy, alright. Give me your hands, and look Sam, look apon my
eyes....look apon my eyes......................"
Softly taking my hands in his, the glow that had surrounded Michael and the
horse, now included me as well. My body suddenly felt a warm protectiveness
as if this were some magical, living thing, protecting me from harm.
Doing as Michael had asked, I looked into his beautiful green eyes. Sweet,
loving eyes, that seemed to be pulling me in deeper, and deeper. I felt as
though I was falling into them. Falling, and falling. Down...down I went.
When all at once, the colors........Red, and Black.......black storm clouds
of violent hue. Lightening bolts that danced and crackled about me. All the
while, falling, falling down through the evil, rolling, dark clouds. The
lightening flashes...blinding me....................
Suddenly, all is calm again. I find myself floating. Looking down at a
wooded scene as if I were just an observer watching from above.
Looking down, I saw a forest clearing. There were men in uniform, horses,
and.....and, oh my four boys being preceeded by men in uniform and a man
with handcuffs on. The boys...wait....I can recall..uhhh....me??
Good heavens, I see myself, father, Brandon, Michael, and Tad, oh my sweet
Tad....and,...and...NO!!! LOOK OUT!! THE GUN, HE'S GOT A GUN......NO TIME!!!
LOOK OUT TAD....NO TAD..THE GUN..THE GUN...NO TIME......BLOOD!!! BLOOD
EVERYWHERE....THE PAIN....THE PAIN.........I KILLED HIM..I KILLED
HIM..................
Why are they all staring down apon me? Tad??? Father??? Dammit can't you
hear me?? I'm here...up here...not down th.....
On the ground..everyone crying....why? I'm....OH GOD THE BLOOD IS COMING
FROM ME!!!!!!!!....I'M BLEEDING!!!! FATHER, TAD CRYING.....NO TAD....DON'T
CRY, PLEASE BABY...NO...I'M HERE...NO TAD,TAD,TAD....SWEET BOY DON'T
CRY..NOOOOOOOO.......................................
"NO TAD!!! DON'T CRY..........DON'T CR......"
"Easy boyo...shhh now. It's alright. Your back w'me now, shhh".
Suddenly my eyes bolted open, my body trembling, my breath coming in gasps.
Michaels arms were now about me, comforting me, as I trembled with
rememberance of what I had just seen.
"Ohhh...Michael!!", I cried, "I remember. I recall
everything...but..oh..the blood, and I was lying there and...and......
Michael? Am I....am I d-d......."
"Are ya' dead?", he smiled at me warmly and hugged me closer to him.
"No boyo..not dead. Ya' see, when ya' got shot, well we thought it best
that we bring ya' here for a spell so's that ya' wouldn't be feelin' the
pain an' all, ya' see".
"We??? Michael, who is 'we'?"
Michael laughed, looked up and threw his arms up in the air, as if
proclaiming for all to hear.
"Oh laddy. 'We', is meself, and The All Mighty, boyo", Throwing his hands
back on my shoulders, smiling and softly looking me right in the eyes,
whispering........."GOD!"
I was astounded to say the least and didn't know what to say next. It was
indeed a shock to be here, much less in the presence of God.
"Michael..is..is God here??? Now???"
"Why yes lad...Look about ya'. God is everywhere. God's image is somethin'
a still livin' lad like you can't see yet, but all this, everythin' ya' see
about ya', is God".
"Michael, is this....uhhh..Heaven?"
"Well.....in a manner of speakin'", he said rubbing his chin.
"This is, MMmmmmm, a way station, if ya' please. Sort of a place we bring
deservin' souls. Ya' see we couldn't very well bring ya' up through the main
gates, 'cause once you go through the gates, well...there's no comin' back,
ya' see".
I was trying to take all this in as best I could but.......WAIT!!!!
I KNEW NOW....I JUST HAD TO BE RIGHT. I KNEW NOW, WHY THIS BOY'S NAME
SEEMED SO FAMILIAR TO ME..."Michael....are you...are you from my fathers
past?"
Michael looked at me as though he'd been caught at something. Something he
wasn't going to talk about if he could help it. He shrugged his broad,
muscular shoulders sheepishly, sort of kicking the ground beneath his feet,
and in an almost inaudable voice replied.
"Yes Sam...the one and the same." Michael turned away from me, trying to
hide the fact that he was starting to cry. The glow that encircled us still,
had grown brighter with each little sniffle.
"Michael..I'm so sorry. Ohh..I didn't mean to upset you, it's only...."
Michael turned slowly to face me with upturned eyes, and I found out that
angels do cry, because Michael had tears streaming down his soft, red
freckled cheeks.
"Lad..ya' didn't upset me. Ya' know, when ya' come to live in the house of
the Lord, ya' takes everythin' with ya'. All your good memories, all the
love, everythin'......except the bad. The bad gets left on earth. Ohh my
heavens, such a fine lad you're turnin' out to be. All these years...all
these years watchin' ya' grow up".
Michael picked my head up by the chin and stroked my cheek, gazing at me as
if he were seeing,......seeing someone else.
"Sam, did ya' know that you are the spittin' image of your dear father, may
the saints protect him. That same sweet face that I....I....ohh dear me", he
sighed deeply. "That same sweet face that I fell in love with",he said as he
slowly turned away again this time crying to be heard.
I simply put my arms about him from behind, holding him close and
comforting him in the same way he did for me a few moments ago, feeling his
body shake with sobbing and feeling so useless and unable to help him. Lord
forgive me for causing him to recall the pain. The pain of something, I
surmise, he had buried deeply, long, long, ago.
"Michael, I.............."
Michael turned about slowly and smiled that warm radiant smile of his once
again, wiping his tears on his shirt sleeve.
"Now, now...none o' that feelin' sorry for me stuff, ya' hear? Ya' see
Sam, I have no qualms livin' w' God. Ya' see, up here I've got all that I
want, plus a job t'boot. Ya' see, I'm a Guardian Angel. YOUR guardian
angel".
"Sam..your father once tol' ya' that the Lord has his reasons for all that
he does. Well....just t'help ya' understand... If I hadn't passed on when I
did, then I couldn't watch over all o'ya'. You, your father, your blessed
mother. Oh...such a fine lady, she is. Well anyhoo, just think now. If I
hadn't passed on, your father, he'd never o'met your mother. And then they'd
never have had Samuel Hedge. An' if there'd never been a Sam...Who do ya'
suppose would be about ta' protect that sweet angel boy that ya' love so
much. Ohh such a sweet face on him, I tell ya'. What a darlin' boyo.
Why......,you'd never have been there to throw yourself between him and
harm's way, don't ya' see?"
Suddenly it struck me like a flash..."Tad!, oh my, Michael, he must be
worried sick. Oh, I do hate to see him cry. He's so beautiful when he
smiles. Oh Lord I love him so much. Oh Michael, when he kisses me,...ohh I
get butterflies deep inside, and I feel as if I've turned to jam. It's like
he's the missing peice to my soul.
I would be nothing without his love. Ohhh dear Michael, I've got to go back
to him".
"An so ya' shall boyo. For it's the Lord's will that you be together. I
want ya' to know that whatever trials an' such ya' face, know that God loves
ya' both. God approves of the love you two have. Why, he's tol' me so
hisself, don't ya' know. Ya' see, God don't care a lick about boy, girl, or
whatever. God just wants all his children to love each other. So when ya'
goes back to him Sam,.......Love him. Just love him. Love him through thick
an' thin, good times an' bad. Hold 'im close to your heart and never let 'im
go. He was meant for you, an' you for him. It was God's intent. Yessiree,
that unselfish nature o' yours, hmmmphh, just like your father, saints
protect him. You just love him lad, the Lord'll do the protectin' for all o'
ya'".
Suddenly my thoughts turned sour when I recalled that I had been the one to
kill that no good Whitherpuss.
"Michael....I'm afraid that the Lord won't help me. In that selfless act of
bravery, you see,......I've committed a sin. A horrable sin".
"Oh...,yes, yes, yes, yes,I know....that, that....Whitherperson, eh?"
I just looked down at my feet and shook my head. I was too ashamed to look
at Michael. I had commited the sin of taking another human life. How in the
world would I ever get over that.
Holding my head in his hands and softly stroking my cheek, Michael's
calming voice and loving eyes, bade me listen.
"Laddy, all I can say is that sometimes, things aren't what they seem".
"Wha....but Michael, I.....", but Michael put his finger on my lips to
shush me and smiled warmly.
As we stood there, the beautiful stead that Michael rode in on started
nudging Michael on the arm with his nose, and shaking his head, as if to
hurry him along.
"Yes, yes, yes, you impatient little sod, I'm hurrin'!, I'm hurrin'!
Now, then. Listen to me Sam, we haven't much time left together. Two things.
Tell cuddles, err..ughh, y' father....."
"Cuddles???? Who in the devil........."
"Oh..mercy, never mind, that! Tell him I'll be waitin' for him here an'
that I...,I...ughhhhh, oh...........well never mind".
Michael was going to say something but abruptly changed his mind, waving me
off and staring sadly at the ground instead. I softly took both his hands in
mine, causing him to gaze once more into my eyes.
"Michael, I know...I'll tell father that....you still love him".
He looked deep into my soul with pleading eyes and just smiled warmly at
me. We both knew it to be true.
"Michael, what was the second thing you wanted to tell me?"
"Oh yes lad. Although the dangers past, your love must go through one more
trial. It must stand the test of time".
"Test of time? Michael, I don't quite understand. What test of time?"
"Enough Sam, I cannot be tellin' ya' anymore than wha' I already did".
"But why?",I demanded. "Haven't we been through quite enough already? All
we want is to be left alone to be together. To love each other and share our
lives with each other without any further heartache. Why another test? It's
not fair I tell you. When Michael? When will it all be over?"
Michael looked at me, obviously holding this secret back behind his eyes,
but unwilling to tell me.
He hugged me closely in a warm embrace, softly kissed my cheek, and
whispered softly into my ear.
"It'll be done when the sun breaks the clouds an' smiles on the both o'
ya'. Now then...back ya' go!".
"But Michael......................."
"It'll be done when the sun breaks the clouds an' smiles on the both o'
ya'".
"on the both o' ya'"..........."on the both o' ya'"......."on the
both o' ya'"..............."on the both o' ya'"......................
These were the last words I recall Michael saying as the scene about me
became increasingly distended and foggy. Micheal's voice, echoing in the
distance, drifting further and further away, as the grey foggy mist
enveloped me and once again sent me on a journey through time and space.
Falling, softly falling....downward, ever downward through the swirling
mists, with the faint echo of Michaels final words, "on the both o'
ya'"..."on the both o' ya'"..........................
"Ohh...Tad...I'm coming...I'm coming...Tad?....Tad?.....Tad?........"
"TAD!!!! TAD...LOOK OUT!!! THE GUN.....LOOK OUT......"
"Samuel?......Samuel? wake up dear! Ohh my dearest boy! It's alright, Oh,
Mother's here...Mother's here....."
My eyes opened with a start, and as the foggyness cleared and my eyes
focused, I stopped my shrieking and it seemed I couldn't catch my breath and
I was sweating profusely.
Wha.......Where..where was I?
"Samuel...speak to me son................"
But I could not speak, I could only cry. As I cried in great sobbs, my body
shook with uncontrollable spasms, as my mother put her arms about me,
kissing my face and running her soft hands through my hair as I clung to
her, resting my head against her, her sweet purfume drifting into my nose.
Yes this was real, I was home again.
I realized that I was home, safe in my own bed, the warm familiar glow of
the oil lamp lighting my room. Safe in my mothers arms again. I can't begin
to describe the calming affect of mothers embrace. Calming me and chasing
away the demons, chasing away the cold.
Had I really been there?
Was it all a dream?
So confused, so tired.
Regaining my composure somewhat, I looked up at mothers tired eyes, the
tears falling down her face. This wasn't like mother, why did she seem so
tired and unmade up?
She just looked at me, unable to speak anything but my name and, "Her baby
is back", kissing my face again, and again, her tears becoming intermingled
with my own.
I tried to pick up my right arm to wipe away my tears, when I was struck by
an ungodly searing pain, making me cry out in anguish. But no cry came,
mearly a croak through a dry parched throat.
Mother lay me back down amid the softness of my blankets and pillows.
"There, there, Samuel, you must lie still......"
"Mother....",I croaked, "Thirsty.....".
All at once mothers eyes darted about the room until she spied her prey and
then snatched the glass and pitcher off the bed stand, spilling water on
herself in the process, as she shakily poured me a glass of water. She put
the pitcher down and slowly lifted my head up a bit so that I could drink.
"Slowly dear! Slowly, you must not drink too quickly Samuel",she said as I
completely ignored her warnings and gulped the cool water down my dry
throat, almost choking in the process.
Mother lay my head back against the pillow as I allowed the refreshing water
to be absorbed into my body.
Quickly Mother set the glass and pitcher back down on the bed stand and ran
to my bedroom door, flinging it open and shouting into the hallway at the
top of her lungs.
"FATHER!!! FATHER COME QUICKLY!! FAAAAATHHHEERRRRRR!!!!!".
In a moment a deshevled, sleepy eyed father came running, or rather
stumbling into my room, followed closely by a just as deshevled Annabelle.
A moment later and I was surrounded by all three of them all laughing,
talking, kissing me, and crying at the same instant. I couldn't understand
what all the fuss was about. I was still somewhat confused at this point.
"Well then, young man! And what, may I ask, is your excuse for dallying
about in bed for a week and a half, while we were all worried sick", said
father in his usual joking manner.
"A week and a half??? Father, what has been a week and a half? I don't
recall a thing after I blacked out! What happened? And why does my arm hurt
so?".
"Am I to understand that you don't recall what happened Sam?", he asked me
with the most astonished look on his face.
"Why, No Sir, uhh, well that is to say that I don't recall what happened
after I blacked out".
They all looked at me as if I had grown horns or something, and then at
each other in obvious dismay.
Mother and Annabelle both sat down on chairs in my room and Father sat down
on the bed beside me. He looked tired and drawn. They all did. They looked
as if they'd been without sleep for the entire week and a half that I'd been
"gone".
Father took my left hand in his, softly holding it for fear of hurting me
and gazed lovingly into my eyes.
"Oh Samuel, we've been so frightfully worried about you.
The doctor removed Whitherspoon's bullet from your arm, no real damage
done, you see. Well, he said that eventually you'd awaken, that you were
simply in shock. But,...we just didn't know when you'd come about.
We sat here and simply prayed to God that you'd come back to us Son. And,
you have, you...., oh dear..I'm making a spectacle of myself aren't I?", he
said as the tears streamed down his face, the light of the oil lamp
illuminating the wetness as the tears trickled past, becoming trapped in the
wrinkles of his tired eyes.
As my father spoke, his voice became cracked and choked with emotion.
Rare indeed, were the times I had heard my father speak with anything but
extreme poise, dignity, and the confidence befitting a gentleman of his
stature.
"To think that I,...that we,....almost lost our only dearest son. Mother
and I couldn't have gone on without you!", he said, leaning down and
sweeping me up in one of his sweet bear hugs, the memory of which I shall
now treasure forever.
Apon releasing me my father looked at me again, this time with a smile that
could have stretched across the entire empire.
"Samuel....You're a hero! Do you know that? You're a hero, I say!
The entire village is talking about it. Don't you recall??", he said looking
at me with a mixture of extreme pride and bewilderment.
"Only bits and pieces. Did I... I......K-...."
My fathers expression changed slightly to one of concern.
"Sam...Witherspoon is dead and Tad is safe, all because, YOU!, MY
SON!, were there to protect him! YOU ARE A HERO !!!!!"
Somehow,....something just didn't feel quite right. All this rubbish about
being a hero and such.
I knew that, Yes, he was evil.
And, Yes, he deserved punishment for what he'd done to the sweet boy I so
adored.
I would have gladly given my life to save Tad's, but.....I....I.......
Suddenly I could not contain the pain of my thoughts any longer, as my
sadness exploded from my eyes in a torrential downpour of tears.
"Ohh...father, father. Dash it all....I'm not a bloody hero! I'm not, I'm
not anything of the sort.....
I took another life! I KILLED A MAN, FATHER!!
I KILLED A MAN!,I KILLED A MAN!", I sobbed over and over again.
Father had again scooped me up into his strong arms, kissing my tear soaked
cheek and brushing back my hair. Funny, to this day I still recall the
stubble of his unshaven face scraping against my smooth cheeks.
Holding me close, my father rocked me back and forth, trying to calm me,
while he himself openly wept right along with me.
The shared tears of both Father and son, shed at the sudden loss of my
boyish innocense, forever marred by this frightful deed.
"Sam...It all went so extremely fast, ugghh, oh dear, Samuel, there was no
time, son. No time to think! Time only to act! And act, you did! You
yourself took the bullet that was meant to end Tad's life.
The only thing that you're guilty of is shamelessly endangering your own
life in order to save another".
Suddenly father held me out at arms length and looked at me, red, tear
drenched eyes burning with solid conviction.
"Samuel!!! Listen to me son. You were not to blame for the way that vile
creature met his final doom.
He had brought that apon himself.
The actions you took to capture him, saved the lives of, not only Tad, but
your other two companions as well.
Sam, hear me! YOU SAVED THREE LIVES!!!!! DO YOU HEAR THAT...YOU SAVED THREE
LIVES!!!!!
The lord has his reasons for all that happens, and who he chooses to carry
out his commands.
Samuel, it was the lord that put that gun in your hands. God needed you to
protect Tad. And it was Whitherspoons punishment to be smitten down by one
of the very people he intended to harm".
I had stopped crying by then, captured by my fathers intensity, trying to
draw from my fathers strength and looking deeply into the eyes of the one
person whose opinion and trust, I valued most in the world.
"SAM, YOU SAVED THREE LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!", he said again, as if I hadn't
heard the first two times.
As I looked into my fathers tired eyes, I saw his tears come again, slowly
streaming down his face, before he grabbed me in one of his bear hugs again
and kissed me over and over.
Looking up to the ceiling, my father, choking on his tears, thanked God for
sending him a son such as me.
Just as quickly as it had come, the sick feeling left me, being replaced by
fathers strength, love, and the wise words he had used to make me see the
truth of my actions.
And, just as quickly, I joined my father, again shedding tears, but this
time they were tears of joy. Joy that my father was so proud of me, joy that
I was back with the people that I so loved.
Out of the corner of my eye, I had seen that both Mother and Annabelle had
fallen fast asleep in their chairs, exhausted.
"MY SAM!", he uttered in undeniable pride.
"I will never have any doubts as to what type of man you'll be, you shall
always be a man in my eyes and worthy of my deepest respect. I shall always
be proud of you, always so bloody proud of you.
And now, God has given you back to us".
"Well...God and my guardian angel", I said, finally finding my voice.
"Excuse me ?????? Guardian angel, Sam ? What the devil are you babbling
about?".
"My guardian angel, Father!
The angel that took care of me when you all thought I would never wake
again".
"Ahhhh...yes, quite. Guardian angel indeed!
Sam you must have been dreaming, right ?", he said slightly chuckling and
clearly amused.
"No, No, father. I was really there", I insisted.
"Really where?"
"In heaven, Sir".
I could see by the look on his face, that father thought me absolutly daft
or delerious.
"In...In Heaven??? Dear God, Sam....Am I to understand that......, Well,
tell me Sam, did this, this Angel of yours, did he give you any words of
wisdom?", he said with a sly smile and a disbelieving chuckle.
"Yes Sir", I said, pausing.....
"He asked me to say hello to "Cuddles".
Suddenly, as if a switch had been set, the expression on my fathers face
quickly changed to one of utter shock and disbelief, his face turning a
ghastly white palor as if all the blood had drained from his body and the
smile disappeared from his lips.
"Father??? Are you alright? You look pale!".
Father continued to stare at me, well actually, not at me, sort of through
me. It was as if he were seeing someone else. I noticed a sort of whistfull
sadness in his eyes as well.
I took hold of my fathers hand again...........
"Father,....Michael told me that...he still...still loved you.
He told me that he would be waiting for you when you finally come to the
other side".
Father said not a word as he slowly gazed upward, uttering only one barely
audable sentance.
"I love you still, Mich................"
I held fathers hand while he silently wept, feeling his pain in my heart,
and knowing that I could not make it better.
"Father,....I'm sorry if I've hurt you. It's only that I promised him".
Eventually father regained his composure and looked down at me lying there,
a bullet hole in my arm. A sad smile seemed to slowly cross his face.
"No Sam. No,...you didn't hurt me, son". Taking a deep sigh..."One could
not have asked for a better guardian angel, eh??".
I merely nodded my head in agreement. That's father. A pillar of strength.
My Hero.
"Err..Uhh, Sam, you must be tired. I'm going to get this lot off to bed",
referring to Mother and Annabelle, still fast asleep in their chairs.
Father roused mother and Annabelle and sent them, protesting all the way,
off to bed with mother promising that she'd be back bright and early.
Father returned to sit at my bedside. "Now then Sam, you get some rest.
We'll talk further in the morning, eh?".
As father rose to leave, I took hold of his hand and stopped him.
"Father...Tad?? Where's my Tad???? Why isn't he here???"
"Why Samuel Hedge!,......he is here!"
Father smiled at me as he pointed to the side of my room. Turning my head
slowly, there he was, my sweet boy, my angel,asleep on the cot.
Asleep as always, on his tummy, mouth open, tongue sticking out just the
slightest. His golden locks hanging limply over closed eyes.
As I gazed at my sleeping angel, my life and strength seemed to start
flowing back into my entire being.
Blast! Why did I have to be lying here helpless, when all I desired to do
was to slip under the blankets next to his warm body, take him in my arms,
and kiss his sweet lips, again, and again, and again.
"Father, would you please wake him for me?"
"I'm afraid that's quite impossable son".
"Impossable?........Why?"
"Well Sam, after the doctor had you stabilized, it was Tad who took care of
you. Barely let any of us near you.
He changed your bandages, bedclothing, washed and bathed you, and just sat
here, hour after hour, day after day, talking to you holding your hand. At
times crying in Mothers lap.
He refused to eat or sleep, for fear that you'd require attention.
He WOULD NOT LEAVE YOU! We couldn't get him away from you.
We were all afraid that he'd become quite ill himself, so we aquired a
sleeping powder from the doctor and slipped it into a glass of warm milk
that Annabelle bullied him into drinking! Jolly good, that Annabelle,eh??
I should imagine he'll be incapacitated, ohhh.....until tomorrow evening or
so!
Dash it all Sam, he is rather a stubborn little thing,eh,what???"
I laughed at this statement. Little did father realize, just how stubborn
he could be, this sweet angel of mine.
I still had trouble beleiving that someone as beautiful as he,
loved me so.
I was indeed the luckiest boy on the face of the earth.
My sweet little nurse.
I needed him near me so badly.
It felt as though I hadn't been near him in ages and I did so need to feel
him next to me.
As father was about to leave, he walked over to the lamp to put it out,
watching me look at Tad.
Father looked first at me, then over at Tad and smiled.
"He really does love you so Samuel. Loves you more than the sun and the
moon combined, I should imagine.
As much,...if not more, than I loved Michael", he said sighing deeply.
"He's my whole world now, Father. He's the brightest sunshine in my life,
some piece of me that I never knew existed.
Father??? Would you...would you put him in the bed next to me?"
"Samuel, I really think that.........."
"Father,....please?", I said with my sweetest puppy dog eyes.....
"I need him here, next to me".
Father, didn't answer or argue any further. Just the look in his eyes told
me that he, more than anyone, understood my need at the moment.
Father chuckled to himself.."Very well, you scalawag you. I still say you'd
make a hell of a lawyer. Who in their right senses could resist that face of
yours?
Only no funny business. Not yet at anyrate. I want you to rest", he
admonished, wagging his finger at me.
"FATHER!!!.....REALLY", I scolded him, as we both laughed at his off color
humor. But father did have a point. I did need to recoup my strength. Ohh,
but it was going to be awfully hard, just the sight of my Tad made my
insides churn with wanting him.
I watched in sweet anticipation as Father strode to Tad's bedside, lifted
the blankets and without any strain in the least, scooped Tad's body up in
his arms.
As he approached, I lifted my own blanket as best I could with my good arm,
as father lowered Tad down into the bed beside me and drew the blanket up
and tucked us both in. All this time, Tad had no realization where he was
and never even stirred.
Father kissed me on the forehead good night as he put out the lamp,
plunging the room into darkness, and silently left the room.
As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, the moon light shone in through my
open window casting it's warm white glow apon Tad's sleeping face, just
centimeters from my own.
Slowly I began to revel in feeling the warmth of Tad's body against mine,
and his breath apon my face. Tad was so close to me that I could smell the
scent of him. That same scent that drove me mad with desire.
This is what I needed, I thought. The best medicine I could have had was to
feel my sweetheart lying beside me, sharing the warmth of our bodies
together. The life flowing back into my body just at being near him.
Here was my world. My hope, my dreams, my love.
As the moonlight shone apon his sweet face, I studied it. To my amazement,
I thought, still so beautiful as to set my heart on fire. Never again would
I be cold in this bed or any other. Never again would Tad be cold or
unloved. I intended to be next to him, keeping him warm, loved, and safe for
the rest of our lives.
Leaning my head down, I placed a kiss apon my angel, feeling the softness
of his cheek on my lips. How I missed the taste of him. If only he were
awake so that I could lose myself in those sweet deep eyes........
Turning my head back into my pillow, I closed my eyes, fully content to let
sleep come apon me, now that I had him next to me. As I felt myself drift, I
reached down, softly grasping Tad's hand in mine.
As I lie there waiting for sleep to come, I had to laugh to myself.
I had won! I beat that damned Witherspoon at his own dirty game.
Hurt someone that I loved, will he? Never more.
Never more would this sweet boy be hurt in any way, shape or form, not as
long as I had breath left in my body. Just let them try! Just let them!
I won!...I won,I won,I won,I won,I won!, I laughed triumphantly.
May you be damned for all eternity, Jiles Whitherspoon, wherever you might
be!
Still,........one lingering thought kept drifting through my mind.
What did Michael mean..."It'll be done when the sun breaks the clouds an'
smiles on the both o' ya'"?
Couldn't think.....What could possibly take him from me yet again. Haven't
we earned the right to be together in peace?
No! Nothing will take him from me. If Whitherface couldn't do it then I'll
be damned if anything, or anyone, could. I love him. I will not let him go.
NEVER.
I love him.....I love...him.....ohh so tired.. sleepy..............