Date: Sun, 24 Jan 2010 18:54:21 -0000
From: Jono <justanothergayboy@hotmail.co.uk>
Subject: Understanding Me, Part 1

Disclaimer: Should you be reading this? This story contains descriptions of
sexual interactions between unconsenting underage males and if it's illegal
where you are then, don't do it!

Author Comments: This is the first story I've written ever. This first
chapter is all true, apart from the names which have been changed to
protect the identity of those involved.

Understanding Me

Chapter 1

It was a dull cold day. I was shivering, wondering why the heater in my
bedroom was switched off. I was surrounded by mess; I never kept my bedroom
tidy to the dismay of my parents. I was lonely, although I have friends, I
don't have friends who understand me, know how I feel, know my pain. I got
up, bent over to look at the heater and turned it up. It felt as if I was
getting colder and colder, I jumped into my bed and slipped under the
covers and curled up into a ball. I just lay there, thinking about what I
was going through, why I was going through this, being able to make sense
of these feelings I'm having, and the feelings I'm not having, those
feelings I should be having.

Am I normal?  Sometimes I question myself. It has become a repeating trend
in my daily activities, what am I doing? Why? But it was then I realised,
that this was me. This is who I am and this is how I am meant to be.

I had just turned 9 years old a couple of weeks ago, I was in Year 5 at
Primary School, a school that only taught around 70 to 80 pupils all year
round. I liked school, it was a safe haven, a place away from home, however
up until recently it's been the place where my feelings become somewhat
confusing, I don't understand them, but as time goes on I'm sure that I
will understand them someday.

I have moved around a lot in my short life, I've not really settled
anywhere for a long period of time, however, for the past 3 years I have
lived in a village called 'Whitgift' in the East Riding of Yorkshire,
situated next to the banks of the River Ouse.

My name is James, I am quite small for my age I stand only 4ft 8" tall, and
I am also well built as I play on any team you can think of that a school
so small can support. I have blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I was one of
those boys that all the mothers would look at and say "oh! Isn't he a
cutie, he is going to make some girl very happy someday". I hated this
comment, mostly because I'm a boy and to be honest, I didn't understand
girls, I didn't understand their purpose, I only cared about my own gender.

I lived in a terrace of cottages. I have two sisters and a brother, they
can be quite annoying and frustrating sometimes, but I do love them, more
than anything. I shared a bedroom with my brother, and the walls were
coated with Manchester United wallpaper, in fact the whole bedroom was
Manchester United. I myself am a Leeds United fan, but, with my brother
being older, he got to choose what the room would be decorated like. So
unfair!

My brother Anthony, he was older than me, he was 10 and in his last year at
Primary School. He was a little taller than me, black hair, brown eyes and
skinny, he wasn't as built as me as he wasn't into sports like I was but he
did have a height advantage over me. So I was scared shitless by him.

It all started a few weeks ago, it was a Friday night and I was just
getting ready to go to sleep. Our room had bunk beds in it, I would sleep
on the bottom bunk, Anthony on the top bunk. As I was just about to dose
off, I heard my brother speak.

"James, are you awake?" he said.

"Yea." I sighed wondering what he wanted.

"Good, I want to try something with you" he said.

"What? I just want to sleep" I replied.

He climbed down from the top bunk turned on the lamp pulled me up from my
bed and put his hand onto my shoulder.

"You're my little brother right; you have to do what I tell you, and not
tell anybody about this, otherwise I'll kill you."

While doing this, he dug his thumb into my shoulder, causing me to buckle
with pain and yelp. The pain was unbelievable, I never knew such a small
action could cause this much pain, It was causing me to breathe heavily.

My brother telling me he would kill me wasn't anything new to me. He had
tried twice before, not succeeding both times. He almost drowned me two
years ago.

I was brought back to reality when he let go of me and told me to be quiet,
and told me to take my underpants off. Wondering what his intentions were,
I hesitantly pulled them off and kicked them to one side.

There I stood, 9 years old, butt naked in front of my brother who was now
smiling, I began to blush as he knelt down in front of me, and took my
little cock into his mouth. He was licking it... what is he doing? I
thought.

All at once I felt disgust for my brother, and then I felt the pleasure of
what he was doing to me at the same time. It felt like my dick was getting
cleaned, with a warm moist feeling taking over me. After I got my senses
back from this new feeling I tried to push him away, shouting at him.

"What are you doing?!" I shouted

He hit me really hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me which
cause me to sit down on my bed, I was holding my stomach trying to catch my
breath, once I had caught it I started to cry. What the hell is happening
here? He pounced at me and grabbed me by the wrists and forced me to lie
down, while doing so he laid his body on top of mine, I could feel
something poking my leg, and then he whispered in my ear.

"Quiet the fuck down and stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry
about. You feel that, that's my dick and if you don't stop, that is what
will make you cry".

I began quietly sobbing, wishing there was some kind of escape, and I
couldn't move he was just there on top of me like I was pinned down. His
face close to mine, he leaned in and kissed me, I kept my mouth shut trying
to move my head from side to side to get away from his lips.

He eventually pulled his lips away from mine, looked at me and smiled. He
then stood up and returned to his top bunk. I just lay there, in shock,
what had just happened? What the hell did my brother just do to me? My
thoughts were then interrupted by the whispering voice of my brother.

"Thanks, little Bro. Love you, Goodnight"

What was he thanking me for? I didn't understand, what was this all about?
Perhaps time will tell.

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If you want me to write more, please leave comments and suggestions.
Although this is a mostly true story, I am happy to insert some ideas later
on when the story progresses.