Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 16:43:15 +1300
From: bob charles <pennywise3636@gmail.com>
Subject: Washed Up (Gay / Young friends) chapter 29

Washed Up.

Disclaimer:

Warning: this story contains sexual content, contact between young boys,
and other themes that may offend.  If the subject matter offends you, is
not to your tastes, or if you are under legal age for your area, then find
something else to read. In the following story all names and events are
completely fictional.  Although I may mention a specific location, place,
or person any resemblance to said people, location, or places is completely
unintentional.

Chapter 29:

Pierre knows he has to get up first, so slides his butt out from between my
legs, and stands up. He then turns around and reaches down, taking hold of
my hands, before hoisting me up and into him. We stand there for a moment
or two hugging each other, before he decides we had better dry off. He
pulls the plug from the bath while I jump out of it, and he follows me
close behind. We each take a towel off the heated towel rail and proceed to
dry ourselves. We dry our bodies thoroughly because we don't want any water
residue cooling us down all over again, especially since it took so long to
warm up. The result is that we take a lot longer than usual drying off,
before hanging our towels up again and wandering through to the bedroom.

Once I finish concentrating on drying off and start to walk back to the
bedroom, I get overcome by a feeling of tiredness. It feels like I have
walked into a brick wall with how suddenly it comes on. I decide that I had
better climb into bed and get some sleep, since if I don't then my body may
revert to French time, so I will struggle to sleep at the proper time of
the day. Pierre looks as shattered as I feel, and I soon realise he has
walked into the same brick wall of exhaustion as I have. The good thing
about that is it means I won't have to coax him to trying to sleep at the
same time as me, so I take hold of his hand and guide him to the double
bed. I never even thought about the prospect that Manuel's grandpa may want
the double bed, and I'm too tired to think about it now. We climb under the
covers, snuggle together, and before we rest our heads on the pillows, are
out like a light.

************

I'm awoken early the next morning by a very formal sounding voice, but it
doesn't sound like one from any official I have dealt with. No, it isn't
quite as formal as that, and seems like it is reporting on something, but
what seems strange to me is it is in English. Being half drowsy I have
temporarily forgotten that I am in New Zealand, and hearing English voices
sounds so strange, since I have gotten used to mainly hearing French
everywhere I went. I slowly start to become accustomed to it as I awaken
properly, and soon work out that what I'm hearing is the TV, and the start
of a news bulletin. I'm not sure why the TV is on, but hearing the start of
the news article they are about to screen I sit up because I want to see
it. The article is mainly a repeat from last night's news with an update
tagged onto the end, but that doesn't bother me as it is the content I'm
more interested in. The article is about the massive winter storm which has
ravaged the upper half of the North Island, but thankfully has now moved
offshore.

The footage in the article shows some pretty extensive flooding in parts of
Auckland and the Coromandel, but the Bay of Plenty seems to have copped the
worst of it. Large chunks of Mount Maunganui, near Tauranga are under
water, along with loads of farmland between there and Whakatane. It is sad
seeing such a large area of the country under water, but it is more the
segment on Auckland I'm interested in. Well, I shouldn't really say
segment, because most of the article is about what has happened in
Auckland, as per usual. The media seem to think that since it is our
largest city, then it is the most important place in the country, so no
matter how minor something is, if it happens in Auckland it is bound to
make the news.

In a lot of ways at least this time it was justified, since the city was
almost crippled because of the storm. Large parts of the city are without
power, and major arterial routes have been closed due to flooding. The
council and contractors have worked hard overnight trying to fix as much of
the damage as they can, but there are some major roads which are still
closed because the waters haven't receded enough. All roads leading to the
airport had been closed off yesterday, with the main one being under water
due to an extremely high tide and storm surge, but they have all since
reopened, although parts are still a little treacherous. The gnarliest
piece of footage in the article was one showing a plane attempting to land
in the horrendous conditions. I'm surprised how clear the footage is, given
it was filmed during a torrential downpour, but it clearly shows how
skilled the pilot was to get the plane down safely, and not having to
abort. It soon becomes clear to me that it was our flight they had filmed,
because they go on to show footage of passengers getting off the plane,
including us.

"Was that our plane...? Boy I'm almost glad we were on it and not watching
it come in!" Pierre pipes up quietly beside me. He is still drowsy, having
only just awoken, but he is coming to rapidly enough to be able to
understand what is going on in the news. I give him a nice tender loving
hug while we watch the rest of the news article.

"Good morning boys, I trust you slept well? I'm glad to see you up early,
because your mum says we have a busy day ahead of us. I was supposed to
wake you at six thirty, but as I can see I won't have to. You better get
changed pretty soon, because everyone will be gathering in here once they
are ready," Manuel's grandpa says with the warmest, friendliest smile on
his face.

"Good morning, yes we did sleep well, and I hope you did too," I reply,
giving a warm smile back. He is such a warm person, and makes me feel
totally at ease and comfortable having him around. In fact he is so
comfortable to be with that I sometimes forget he is even here, because he
seems to go about his own business without worrying too much about us. It
is like he fully trusts us, or at least knows we won't get up to too much
trouble, but that is why I tend to forget about him, as he isn't constantly
in my face.

We watch the rest of the bulletin, so I can find out which roads are still
closed in case we go that way. There is a relatively long list of roads
around the city which are still closed through flooding, so I don't stand a
chance of remembering all of them. The main reason for that is I am also
trying to picture where they are in the city, from what I can remember from
when I was younger. Needless to say that a lot of the streets mean little
to me, because most of them are in parts of the city I don't know very
well. The motorways are all open and free of debris, which is good because
it will make travel around the city a little easier. I automatically
presume the doctor we are going to see because of dad is somewhere around
where we used to live, either that or in the city itself, so I am paying
more attention to the road closures around there than anywhere else.

As soon as the article finishes, which goes on until the ad break, we climb
out of bed in order to get dressed. We have to search through our bags in
hope of finding enough warm clothing for the day, especially since
yesterday's clothes are still saturated. Pierre has got nothing he can wear
that constitutes winter clothing, because he has already worn all he had. I
have two pairs of trousers left, which covers one half of him, but only one
jersey, so he isn't going to have anything warm for his upper body. I
suppose he has his jacket still, since that should have dried out enough by
now, but even if it is slightly damp he will soon get cold wearing
it. Winter clothing is something no-one took into consideration at any
stage, because I guess it slipped everyone's minds since it was warm when
we left here and France was heading into summer. Now we are paying for not
thinking about our return to NZ, as after one day we are struggling for
winter clothes.

I hand Pierre my spare pair of pants, which are the ones he knows all too
well since he has worn them a couple of times already. They are those grey
track pants I had given him a couple of times when we were living in Taupo
Bay. I have some cotton jeans, but that is it, although I'm sure I had more
at some stage, making me wonder if I have misplaced some along the way. We
both put on what we have, including two sets of shirts to add an extra
layer in hopes it will keep us a little warmer. I'm not sure it will
physically make me warmer, but it at least gives me the impression that I
will be. Once I have my clothes on I figure I should at least check to see
if my jacket has dried out enough to be able to wear, but it hasn't, making
me wish I had thought about it and hung it on the heated towel rail
overnight. Hindsight is a virtue I guess, not that it would have made any
difference because we were far too tired to think about stuff like that.

Pierre's jacket is also still wet through, making him totally unprepared
for the conditions we are about to head into. I feel bad for him, so give
him my jersey, figuring I'm the one who should be more adapted to these
conditions. He resists at first, like I knew he would, but eventually I
convince him to take it and that I will be fine. I know, I lied to him, but
he knows I did as well. He also knew I wasn't going to give up, so he was
always going to have to take it. He looks more prepared for the worst our
weather has to offer. Well, not really, but more than he did before so that
is all that matters. The problem is I know I'm going to freeze within
minutes if the weather is anything near what it was like
yesterday. Thankfully I know the rain and wind have eased, but what wind
there is, is more of a direct southerly today. What that means is it is
likely to feel even colder than yesterday, especially since southerlies
tend to blow straight off Antarctica. Now that we are dressed, we make a
quick stop in the bathroom to relieve ourselves, before venturing back into
the main room to wait for everyone.

Manuel's grandpa is already dressed, and looks to be very well rugged up. I
almost think he has worn every garment he brought over, because that's how
he looks. I don't blame him either, because he didn't get a very good
introduction to New Zealand's weather yesterday, since it was abysmal even
for here in the middle of winter. I suppose though at least it isn't
snowing, because it is very unusual for Auckland to see the white stuff, so
when it does you know it is a damn cold winter for here. It makes me
realise how lucky we have it, because I know there are parts of the world
which have snow six months of the year, yet we call it a bad winter if we
see it once. In saying that we often get six months of rain, so actually
getting snow would break the monotony of it being wet and miserable all the
time, because even sunny days can be few and far between.

The door suddenly bursts open, and Bastian and Xavier come crashing through
it, followed closely behind by Manuel's dad. The two boys look so happy and
full of life this morning, it makes me wonder if they slept together last
night. They seem to have that sort of aura about them, suggesting that they
have found just how deep their love for each other is. I'm over the moon
for them, because I remember the first night Pierre and I slept together,
almost like it happened yesterday, because the feelings are so new and
special it makes it impossible to forget. They look perfect together which
I'm most pleased about, since it is partially my doing that brought them
together. I notice that they are both staring at me as if I am mad or
something which I don't understand, as I haven't done anything to warrant
such a look. Maybe I have missed something, I don't know; it catches me a
little off guard is all.

"You aren't going outside dressed like that are you Josh, haven't you got a
jersey?" Bastian asks, solving the riddle of their strange looks at the
same time. I had forgotten about not having a jersey to wear, which is why
I overlooked it.

"Yes... well, no... not any more, as I gave it to Pierre cos he didn't have
one," I reply, trying to make enough sense that they understand what I'm
talking about.

"Do you want to borrow one of mine, because mum made sure I packed lots of
warm clothing since she knew it was winter here? I'm sure you will fit my
clothes, because you look like you are about the same size," Xavier asks. I
think he wants to be able to help me out, after I have tried to help him,
but I'm just glad someone has a spare jersey for me because I didn't really
want to go out in the cold dressed like this.

"Yes, please, thank you so much. I didn't fancy going outside with no
jersey, but Pierre is more important to keep warm so I wanted to make sure
he had one," I reply, before giving him a hug to help confirm how thankful
I am for his help. He is a little tentative accepting my hug to start with,
which doesn't surprise me since he has had a rough time with his friends,
but he knows he can trust me, so allows himself to hug me back. I feel that
this is a big step for him, and I will do everything I can to rebuild his
trust and confidence in people. The thing which worries me is my track
record, and knowing I have let my own friends down, as I crawled up into my
shell because of the problems I was having at home. I am determined not to
let that happen again, and so long as I have Pierre in my life I know it
won't.

I still feel bad about the way I treated my old friends, but it is too late
to make amends for that. All I can do is ensure it doesn't happen again,
and that is exactly what I plan to do. I have met too many good people, and
made as many great friends to allow that to happen, as I feel like I would
have let everyone down if I ever did make the same mistakes. The longer I
hug Xavier the more he relaxes as he gets used to me and allows the
comforting feelings I'm generating in him to take control. He is resisting
a little because of the trust issues he has, but he is slowly caving in and
allowing himself to trust again. It isn't easy for him, because his mind
tries to remind him of the hurt he has been through. He is fighting an
internal battle as he tries to allow himself to believe he has made some
good friends, but I think the issue surrounding Pierre leaving him is still
playing on him. I know he won't admit it because deep down he knows it
wasn't Pierre's fault, but it must have played some part in all of this.

"Come on, let me get you that jersey," Xavier says, as a result of him
allowing his fears to win out. He doesn't want to break off the hug, but he
is still scared. He doesn't want to become too attached until he knows I am
as trustworthy as I and the others say.

"I'm not going to stop hugging you that easily Xavier. Turn off your brain
for a moment and follow what your heart says, because I know you will make
the right decision," I say, not allowing him to break off the hug. I hope
I'm right about his heart knowing what is right, because I could have made
matters worse if I'm wrong, but I have full faith in him coming to the
right decision. I will not let him down so long as I can physically help
it, and that is the feeling I am trying to generate in him. The hardest
part is trying to convince myself that I won't fail my friends again,
because I do feel really bad about what I did to my old ones. I know I have
to forget about that so I can give him the confidence he needs in me,
because I have changed since then, and for the better.

"I know what you are trying to do, and I do trust you... well more than
most people, but I know with time I will learn to trust wholeheartedly
again. It is still time for me to get that jersey for you, because the
others won't be too far away now, and your mum wants everyone ready," he
says earnestly, before once again trying to break off our hug. I let him go
this time, because I know he is right. Not just about the others not being
far away, but also that he is going to need time to heal properly. I can't
expect it to be a quick fix, because psychological damage never is, and I
of all people should know that.

Xavier wanders out of the room, because he has left his bag in the hallway,
so brings it back in and sets it on the floor. It doesn't take him long to
have the bag opened and a thick woollen jersey in his hand which he hands
to me. The ironic thing about the jersey Xavier has given me is that it is
made in New Zealand, which I find funny cos it has come around in a full
circle now. It looks like it will keep me nice and snug, better than my
other jersey would have, so I'm contemplating giving it to Pierre and
taking my one back. I turn to face Pierre, who gives me a scowl and shakes
his head vigorously because he has read my mind. I know I will be fighting
a losing battle trying to get him to swap jerseys, so I give up without
even starting, and put it on.

While I put on my jersey I become aware of the surprisingly loud footsteps
of two pairs of small feet pounding their way down the hall. I know who it
is, but don't have enough time to react before Callum and Manuel burst into
the room, and come careering straight for Pierre and me. Bastian scuttles
out of the way, so that he doesn't get caught up in the ambush, while
Xavier stands there, startled at how quickly everything happens. Pierre and
I get tackled to the ground by the two excited youngsters, before they give
us a kiss and cuddle and get off. I'm completely surprised with the way
they got off us so quickly, because usually they have to be pulled off
us. They haven't finished yet though, but they are far gentler on Bastian,
and especially Xavier, because they aren't sure how he would cope.

Xavier copes really well with the over excited youngsters, and even gives
them a hug back without a second thought. I think he may feel safer around
them because they are younger so unlikely to hang out with him at
school. Then again the hugs were short and sweet, and they do look so cute
and impossible to resist. Once they have hugged everyone they sit on the
bed quietly and patiently wait for the others to catch up. I am totally
amazed at their behaviour, because I have never seen this from them and I
sort of figure that François has been influential in improving their
manners. Almost as soon as they have taken a seat the others arrive, and
suddenly the room is choc-a-block full of people. Mum indicates for us to
take a seat, so we all quickly do so anywhere we can find enough room to
park our bums.

"Good morning everyone, I want to explain a little about what is in store
for us today. First off we will be taking a taxi into Manukau City, because
I know a few of us are short of winter clothing. While there I have also
found a van, and paid for it, so all we have to do is pick it up. Once we
have that I will be dropping our guests off in downtown Auckland so they
can explore, while we go and see the doctor about Harry. Well, I should say
Sarah's, Josh's and Callum's father. Hopefully that won't take too long, as
I want to meet up with everyone in the city at a reasonable hour. As long
as everyone isn't bored by then, Jean and I will disappear for a little
while as we need to get some stuff and we will find somewhere easy to meet
up again," mum says. It sounds like a full-on day if you ask me, but my
main concern is the amount of time we will be spending in the city. At this
stage it isn't important, because it can be addressed later if people are
bored by then, but I still have one other thing I want to add to the list.

"Mum, is there any chance of stopping at the place you have set up my trust
fund, because I have to pay you back still, as well as needing money to pay
for at least Pierre and I while we are here?" I ask, hoping mum will just
agree so we can get on with it. I'm pretty sure she will since I'm certain
she is running short of funds, so I'm not expecting much of an argument.

"Shit... you're right Josh, I had almost forgotten all about that and I can
really do with the money. We will have to sit down shortly and work things
out, but yes we will..."

"Wait one minute... you are taking money from your son to help pay for your
trip! Well, I won't let that happen, as there is no way Josh should be
paying for anything, because from what I have heard the trip was your fault
anyway. I will pay Josh's share of the holiday on behalf of him, but no
more and no less," Manuel's grandma interrupts pretty sternly, because she
is obviously not happy with what she thinks mum is doing.

"Huh...? Um... but you don't understand..."

"Manuel's grandma, it isn't as it seems. I offered to pay for a lot of it,
because I asked mum to do some major favours while we were over there," I
say, bailing mum out. This is not how I thought things would go in the
slightest, as once mum started to agree I thought it would be the end of
it.

"Like what, not that it matters because she put you in that position?" she
asks, sounding even less impressed with mum, so I know I'm going to have to
tell her what I have been up to.

"A house... I bought a house while I was over there, because François
had got into financial trouble and lost the family home. I bought it back
for him... well mum did, but I said I would pay her back for it. What you
don't know is I have a lot of money, because we got paid out compensation
for damages after dad's court case. This is why I have no problem offering
to pay for things which are entirely my idea, because I know I have the
funds," I tell her, getting a semi confused look in the process.

"Ok, someone has some explaining to do, and I want to hear all of it!"
Manuel's grandma says sternly, because she hates it when people don't tell
her the full story.

"It's ok Josh, I had better tell the story, since it is my biggest
shame..."

"Mum, let me go first because otherwise you are going to end up with a
whole bunch of questions. I will let you say your bit, but first I need to
say mine... Callum and Manuel, could you leave the room please, just for a
few minutes. You know I hate hiding things from you, but this is something
I want to protect you from knowing about, at least until you feel the time
is right to find out for yourselves. I just hope by that stage you have
found out who you are, because I don't want what has happened to me to sway
your thoughts," I say, cutting mum off yet again, which she must be getting
sick of, but oh well.

I know she has forgotten about Xavier, so I think it best to fill him in on
what has happened to me first. I am determined to stop the youngsters
finding out the truth, because even though I'm sure neither of them are
gay, although not a hundred percent confident on Manuel yet, I don't want
what happened to me to affect their future sexuality. I want them to
discover who they are, before they find out how sex can change people for
the worst. As I expected they are hesitant to go, but they do decide I am
right and it isn't something they want to find out about just yet. They
leave the room in quick time, doing the wise thing in closing the door
behind them, so there is no chance of them overhearing what is being
said. As soon as I hear the door click closed I resume where I left off.

"Firstly, the reason I wanted to say my bit first is because I think you
have overlooked Xavier being in the room. If you started to talk about the
court case you would have confused the hell out of him, so I think it is
best to start at square one... Xavier, as I've said, we all have our
stories to tell, well, here's a shortened version of mine. I'm not going to
stuff around so I'll say this rather bluntly, and I hope I don't give you
too much of a shock... I was severely beaten by my father for about two
years, so bad in a couple of instances he nearly killed me. The beatings
were becoming more frequent as time went by, until one day it came to a
head and he ended up raping me," I say cool as a cucumber, getting
impressed looks from everyone at how at ease I am in telling it. Well, all
except for Xavier that is.

"Shit... um... by raped do you mean he... um... you know... put his dick
up..." Xavier stammers, hoping it isn't what he is thinking, although he
knows of no other meaning for rape.

"Yes Xavier, he did do what you are thinking, but don't worry about it
because I'm fine now, thanks to the generous love and support I have
received from all those you see in the room, along with the two outside the
door," I reply cutting him short, while intentionally not bringing up about
how the incident nearly tore our family apart, because I think that would
be too much for him to digest right now.

"Shit... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to burden you the other day with my
problems, because I can see you have much bigger ones to deal with. I'm so
sorry..." he blubbers, feeling ashamed with himself for wasting my time
with his minor problems.

"Xavier, stop being stupid. Your problems are equal, because it still comes
down to having your trust shattered by those closest to you, so don't feel
like you have wasted my time, because you haven't. I was being honest when
I said I was fine, because I am. I have got over it with help and support,
so that is why I said I would always be there for you. Others have shown me
what can be accomplished with love and support, so I want you to be able to
see it too," I say, a little too sternly at first. I know that because he
gave me a look of shock, before the tears starts welling up in his eyes,
because he thinks I am telling him off.

He calms down quickly when I start telling him that his problems mean more
to me than my own ones, because I think it has been the first time someone
has put him before themselves. It is a shame to know that, but then again I
was much the same way, cos my problems were the only thing important,
no-one else's were. Bastian is instrumental in helping him calm down, with
the way he hugs and comforts his new boyfriend, and it is so adorable to
see how close they have got to each other, although it makes me wonder if
Pierre and I are as cute as they are. Once he has calmed down, François
opens the door to let the youngsters in, but that takes a little longer
than expected, because they are tearing up and down the hallway like
loons. They are quick to settle down once they see François's
disapproving look, so saunter back into the room with their heads facing
the floor, and sit down.

"Ok, well I suppose it is my turn now... To be honest I don't think I've
even told Jean this part of the story, because it is where I feel I failed
Josh the most. I mean I know I failed him as a parent all the way through,
but this is where I felt I had the best chance at protecting him, but I
couldn't even do that for him there," mum says, fighting back the tears
again. I know recalling everything I went through makes her remember how
bad she was at being able to do what a parent is supposed to do, and
protect their children, but then again dad was worse. It is supposed to be
a two person job raising kids, so mum was caught between a rock and a hard
place in ways. I don't care any more, as it is in the past and I want to
move on. I have Pierre, who is the best thing to happen to me, so I am over
bringing up what has been, since I now have everything I want and need.

Mum tells them the story about what I went through in court, again only
telling the toned down version, due to Callum and Manuel being
present. They all understand the horrors I went through as a scared little
ten year old boy though, so they didn't miss too much detail. Those who
haven't heard it before, and even those who have, all have dismayed and
angry looks on their faces, as they are unable to believe anyone could
allow me to have to put up with such crap. I know I'm going to end up
getting hugs, and being told how brave I am, all over again because of
this. I like getting the hugs, but not the attention, since it can't change
what has happened, so I want people to just treat me normally. I know they
will only be showing how much they care, and sympathise with me, but I
still don't want it. I am at the stage where I want the past to disappear,
so I don't get all the sympathy because of what I've been through, since it
isn't helping me to move forward at all.

"Before anyone says or does anything more, please can you not hug me and
tell me how sorry you feel for me. I don't mean to sound rude, but I want
to move on from it, and all the attention I seem to get as a result of
people knowing what happened isn't helping. Please allow me to move on from
this, by not saying any more about it," I say, deciding to get in before I
started to receive the attention I don't want.

"Josh, I do understand where you are coming from, and I know you have come
a long way. It is just people want to show you they care, and we will all
be here to support you. You have already moved past this, so just look at
the attention as a form of healing. Reassurance if you may, that we won't
let anything like this happen to you again. I think you deserve the hugs
and praise you get, because you have had it pretty rough, yet you have come
out of it so well. You make all of us proud to be associated with you,
because you prove to us that no matter how bad things get there is always
an upside. I know Xavier looks up to you now, because you have proven to
him what he didn't think possible, and he isn't the only one in the room
who thinks that," Manuel's grandpa says, making me take a different look at
how I view all the attention I seem to get because of this.

"Ok, I can see where you are coming from, but I still do not want to see
you pay for anything, because that money is a very good starting point for
the future. I am going to pay your mum for everything you agreed..."
Manuel's grandma says, before I interrupt her.

"No, please... I have to at least pay for the house, because it means a lot
to me personally. It isn't something I just bought for the sake of it. I
did it to say thanks to François for looking after Pierre for me while
we were separated. On top of that I did it for Pierre, because he is
supposed to inherit the house from François when the time comes, so I
wanted to see it back in the family where it belongs," I say, almost
begging to the point of crying.

This is something I got in an argument about with mum, although I used a
slightly different argument with her. I'm too scared to use the same one
with Manuel's grandma, because I'm not sure she would understand about why
it means so much to me. It was the start of me trying to rebuild my life,
and I had decided to buy it on the most significant day of my life. The day
Pierre and me got back together, not only that but it was also the day we
suffered the most pain. The significance of helping someone out on a day
which had been so horrendous for Pierre and I, would be lost on her. Well,
I think it would be, but then again she is a smart lady. The other problem
is that it would involve a hell of a lot more explaining, so I don't want
to go there as we have a lot to do today as it is. I just hope my reasoning
adds up to her, so we can agree and move on.

"Ok, ok... you win, and I will allow you to pay back the money for the
house, but that is it. It isn't for the reason you gave me either, because
I can tell you are holding out on me, but we haven't got the time at the
moment, so I will let you off. I'm only allowing you to do this because I
can tell that it means so much to you that I can't take it away from you,"
Manuel's grandma says, although I'm starting to think I should just call
her grandma, because she is sounding more and more like one all the
time. Well, what I mean is she is sounding like she is my own caring
grandma, if I had a caring one that is. She is exactly as I pictured a
proper grandma to be, and makes me glad we have found her. Not only for
Manuel and his dad, but all of us, because I think she is exactly what our
family needs.

With all that out of the way, mum decides it is time to get the show on the
road. Instead of trying her luck that there might be the taxis we need at
the taxi stand, she decides to ring and specially order them. It was a good
thing too, because we are going to have a fifteen minute wait for what we
need to be available and get to us. With the taxis ordered she and Manuel's
grandma set about working out what my share of the holiday was going to be
worth, so that mum can be reimbursed for it. I'm still a little gutted at
not being allowed to live up to my end of the bargain, but I'm unable to
stew on that for very long as I get called over by Manuel's grandpa. I know
I'm going to have no choice in the matter, so I don't bother putting up a
fight and wander over to see him.

I can tell this is going to be a serious heart to heart when he signals for
me to sit on his lap, which again I do without causing a fuss. He wraps his
hands around me to give me a hug, while also having the added effect of
preventing me from escaping easily, but I know that wasn't his
intention. He sits there hugging me for a little bit before saying anything
to me. When he does he says it in the most loving caring tone, because he
wants me to listen to what he has to say and he fully believes in it. He
starts off by saying all the things I knew he would, about how he is really
sorry about the way I have been treated, but how amazed he is with how
resilient I have become. Then he starts to try to get me seeing sense, and
not trying to carry the whole world on my shoulders by helping everyone
else.

He has no problem with me helping people, but he does have a big problem
with the way I brush things off like they are nothing. He wants me to take
the praise when it is given, but more importantly accept the help which is
on offer. This is what I have always found very difficult, and yet somehow
he seems to know this. He gives me a stark warning that if I continue to
help others out before looking after myself, it is going to have a
detrimental effect on not only me, but Pierre as well. He knows it is going
to be extremely difficult to split us up, but if I don't take care of
myself it will add a huge strain on our relationship. It is that part which
hits home the most, because I don't want to do anything which could
potentially stuff things up with Pierre, but in some ways I am. I have been
too busy trying to help him that I haven't allowed him to reciprocate the
favour. He does try and succeeds pretty often, but not as often as he would
like. He wants to be there for me, as much as I do for him, so we both need
to help each other equally for it to continue working.

He has helped me out a lot, but it hasn't been his physical doing, more
things I have overcome because of being with him. That isn't enough for
him, especially when I make mum go out of her way so I can help him, like
the boat ride to the hole in the rock, or the family night we had the other
day. There are others which I know mum only did because she knew I would
make her do, such as going to Avignon, and finding his parents' graves, but
he hasn't been allowed to help me in similar sorts of ways. I know he
hasn't had the means, but in a lot of ways I wouldn't have let him
either. In ways I'm being selfish in the way I want to help and protect him
from harm, but won't let him do the same for me. Not intentionally anyway,
and Manuel's grandpa has made me open my eyes to it. He tells me that he
wants me to continue to help the other boys, especially Xavier who needs it
most at the moment, along with Callum because he is my blood brother. That
is it though, unless something major comes up with regards to any of the
friends he hasn't met, but he doesn't want me trying to find more people to
help.

It is a good talk, or lecture, depending on how you look at it, and it
certainly opens my eyes. I know people keep walking into my life who need
help, but at some stage I have to say no because I have enough on my
plate. The time is now, as I have enough great friends who I love very
much, but most importantly I have Pierre. He should be taking up most of my
time, and we should be working through things together. The praise thing
and accepting help when I need it is something I will work on, unless it is
from Pierre in which case I know I have to accept it. It sort of seems like
a chore, but I know it is so he can show me how much I mean to him. I mean
I expect him to accept it, so he should too. I know it runs deeper than
that, but I have spent so long running from help that I'm finding it
difficult to accept it from those who I know love and care about me, unless
it has something to do with helping Pierre. I will do everything he advised
me to do, especially with Pierre, because I do want this to work since
no-one is more important to me than he is.

The talk leaves me feeling happy about myself, even though I know I have a
lot to work on. He does a great job in making me realise that I do a lot of
good things, but I need to improve on a couple of little areas to ensure I
stay happy. With the taxi not being far away, and mum and Manuel's grandma
done with their maths, it is pretty much time to go. I give Manuel's
grandpa a big kiss and cuddle before getting off him, as my way of saying
thanks for caring enough to have such a heart to heart with me. I am left
wondering how he knows so much about me, because I'm sure he hasn't been
told all that. The only logical explanation I can come up with is he can
read me like a book, and has picked up on things in the time we have known
each other. It doesn't worry me, because I'm glad he has noticed and tried
to help me for the better. Not only for me, but Pierre as well, which makes
me a lot happier to know we have his best wishes to make it as a couple.

I get off him and go to grab my bag as everyone starts to pile out the
door. Pierre of course waits for me, and gives me a hug before I pick my
bag up. It feels even better than usual, as a result of the talk I've just
had, because I am starting to see everything Manuel's grandpa had talked
about. I give him a quick hug back because that is all we have time for,
before we pick up our bags and hustle out the door, leaving Manuel's
grandpa to close up behind us. We catch up to the others at the lifts,
which again we have to wait for, but at least not as long this time. It is
a tight squeeze getting all of us in the lift, more so than I remember it
being yesterday, but we were frozen then so it wouldn't have seemed so bad
being packed in like sardines. Today it is horrible, because it doesn't
take long to start cooking from the heat being generated by so many bodies
close together, but at least the ride doesn't last long.

Once we are in the lobby we hand the keys to our rooms back, before mum
tells us to take a seat. She has decided to go out and wait for the taxis
herself, since she doesn't see the point in everyone getting cold standing
outside. I agree that it makes sense, but of course one person doesn't
listen. That would be Manuel's dad in today's case, which isn't any big
surprise to anyone. The advantage of him going is it allows mum to hold the
taxis while he comes in to get everyone. The taxis are late as to be
expected, and we are waiting a good ten minutes longer than we should have
been, before Manuel's dad finally comes in to get us. We get out of our
seats, which are very comfortable and hard to leave, but somehow we drag
our butts off them, stand up and wander out to catch the taxi. It is at
this point where my nerves start kicking in, because I realise that at long
last I'm going to find out the truth about my father, and the expectation
is making me nervous as hell.

We are hit by a wall of frigid air the moment we leave the air-conditioned
hotel, because the day hasn't been able to warm due to the heavy dark
clouds and intermittent rain. We decide it is too cold to stay out for too
long so make a quick dash to the taxis and pile in. They are a van and a
car like we had got in France to get to the airport in. That makes things
easy since we all head to the same type of vehicle we had been in last
time. The only difference is that this time it is mum and Sarah who have
the honours of ensuring we get to our destination. Since the two youngest
boys are in the car, mum thinks it best that her and Manuel's dad travel
with them, so Sarah sits up front in the van. Mum put Sarah in that
position, because she knows Auckland pretty well, so can make sure the taxi
driver isn't mucking us about, just in case the two taxis become separated
in traffic. The good thing is it was never going to be an issue, because
the taxi driver is very professional and took us exactly where we needed to
go and used the shortest route within reason. Well, he can't really take
the shortest route on paper, because if he did then it would likely have
taken half an hour longer, so he took the best overall route distance
versus time.

Mum was thankfully thinking logically when she told the driver the
destination, because we pull up in front of a huge car sales yard. I almost
thought she may have gone straight to the mall in Manukau City, which would
have been a stupid idea since we would then have had to cart our baggage
everywhere we went. At least with picking up the new vehicle first it
eliminates that problem. I can see parked out in front of the dealer is a
relatively new looking grey Toyota Hiace, which I'm assuming is our ride
for however long we are going to be in New Zealand. Mum is already out of
the taxi she was in, and is talking to a salesman, who seems to have some
forms for her to sign. Within about five minutes the deal looks like it has
been finalised and she is handed some keys. It is at this point where she
finally pays for the taxis, meaning we get out and collect our bags.

It doesn't take us long to empty the taxis, load up our new van and get
in. The van is huge, easily being the biggest I have ever seen. It is a
twelve seater, although if you count the middle mini seat in the front you
could get away with calling it a thirteen seater. The cabin has four rows
of seats, with the front two rows containing two seats each, while the back
two have three seats in them. The unusual feature is the van has an aisle
going all the way through to the boot, splitting the back two rows between
the second and third seats. The seats are very comfortable for a van, which
is because it is a pretty new release so comfort has been taken into
account more than it used to be. Again we take our seats in the same place
we had both times in the taxi van, although Sarah and François are left
with the two isolated seats.

We are loaded and seated within minutes, and mum has taken the driver's
seat and started it up. The engine runs flawlessly and a lot quieter than I
thought it would have, but as mum pulls into the traffic and we head on our
way, I can tell that this van has a lot of grunt. The trip to the Manukau
Mall is straightforward, and we get there in short time. Once parked up mum
decides to make this stop as quick as possible, so asks those who don't
need to do anything here if they would stay in the van. Callum, Manuel,
Pierre, Sarah and I get no choice, because we have to go in and get more
winter clothing, which is the main reason for stopping here. Manuel's
grandma decides that what she needs to do can just as easily be done in the
city centre, so she thinks it best she stays in the van.

Mum and Manuel's dad come with us as we head into the mall. Mum and me have
a quick detour to make, so tell the others what store we will meet up with
them at, then leave them to their own devices. The good thing about this
mall is it has a branch of the trust mum set my account up with, so we go
in there to withdraw the money I have been allowed to use. Well, a little
more than that, because I convince mum to allow me to take out a bit more
to cover future expenses such as the clothes we are going to buy. Once we
have the money, which mum gets in the form of a couple of cheques, we head
over to the bank she is with to deposit the money into our accounts. She
will only allow me to carry one hundred and fifty dollars at most for
safety reasons, so the rest of what I've been allowed to withdraw for
myself ends up in my account.

I'm a little surprised to see how much money is in my account already,
because for a long time I had forgotten I even had one. Mum though was
still making regular payments into it as my pocket money, but I never
touched it. I want to get an eftpos card (NZ bank card), but because I
haven't got a permanent address I know I can't as the bank has nowhere to
send it. Once the money has been deposited we dart through the mall to find
the store we are to meet everyone at. It doesn't take too long, and the
good news for mum is the others have already got the clothes they want and
are waiting for mum to pay for them. Knowing everyone will yet again be
waiting on me, although at least this time it isn't so much my fault, I
scurry around the store picking out the clothes I want. I save time in
trying on each item of clothing, by picking out a jersey and some pants and
trying them on. The good thing is the sizing is perfect, so I look at the
labels and pull out only clothing with the same size, or maybe one higher
on them.

I manage to have mine before the person behind the counter has finished
processing everyone else's. Pierre has yet to get to the counter, so I pull
him aside and take him and his clothes up to another person at the
counter. I decide to pay for his as well, not entirely because I want to do
a nice thing for him, but also because I figure it will speed things up. It
does because I'm paying for our clothes at the same time mum is for
everyone else's, so I achieved my goal, and had the bonus of giving my
lover a present. Mum tells us to follow Manuel's dad back to the van, while
she quickly gets some clothes for herself, and disappears into the clothing
racks before we can blink an eye. We are back at the van within minutes of
leaving mum and about quarter of an hour after we originally left, which I
thought was good time considering how much we got done. Mum doesn't take
long either, so before we know it we are back on the road, heading north
towards the city centre.

The trip should have been straightforward, but we get caught in the tail
end of rush hour. The traffic comes to a screaming halt around the
Greenlane off-ramp, and doesn't improve until we are past the Newmarket
Viaduct, and the cause of the bottleneck is one car broken down on the
shoulder of the motorway. It is typical that something so insignificant can
cause a big headache on the roads, but then again there is always the
possibility it broke down on the motorway and had to get pushed off. Either
way it added another twenty minutes to our journey which none of us really
wanted. Once we have made it to the aptly named spaghetti junction, mum
ensures she is in the right lane for the exit we want. This part of the
motorway system is a mess, but the good part about it is you know when you
have reached the city centre, so long as you are able to get into the
correct lane to get where you need to go. It isn't easy and if you leave it
a little too late, you can end up going in the wrong direction, but
thankfully mum remembers it well so is in the correct lane miles before we
need to be.

Mum negotiates her way off the motorway and onto Queen Street, which is the
main shopping street in Central Auckland. While driving down the street
heading towards the harbour, mum tells those who are getting out here to
prepare themselves, because she plans to make a quick stop and drop
wherever she can find somewhere to pull over at the harbour end. The closer
to the harbour we get the more claustrophobic I feel, because the street
seems to get narrower and narrower as the buildings lining it get higher
and higher. Mum spies an empty five minute parking spot, so quickly pulls
into it and allows everyone to get out. The only one who is unsure where
they are supposed to be is Pierre, but I know he isn't going to get out,
not without me. He also wants to be with me for the appointment with dad's
old doctor, because he knows it is likely to be tough on me.

No-one else seems to think Pierre is supposed to get off either, because
the sliding door is slammed shut once the last person is off, even though
they knew he was still on board. I am even happier when mum pulls out into
the traffic again, without saying a word about our stowaway, making me
think she always intended him being with us for this. We weave our way out
of the centre towards the inner suburbs, but not out west like I thought we
would be. I assumed that since we used to live in West Auckland that dad's
doctor would be out there. How wrong I was. Mum drives us through to the
suburb of Mount Eden, which isn't too far out of the city centre, and finds
a park. It takes a little while for her to park the car, as the little
shopping centre is busy and cark parks are at a premium. She eventually
finds one which happens to be right outside the medical centre we are
supposed to be meeting dad's doctor at.

Mt. Eden is a rich suburb with lots of big old houses and tree lined
streets, which has helped attract a lot of people here and driven up house
prices. The close proximity it is to the city centre is another major draw
card, so the result nowadays is that it is a suburb for the rich. Unlike
the nearby suburbs of Ponsonby and Parnell, it isn't a snobby suburb due to
the amount of artists and musicians who live in the area. The suburb gets
its name from the extinct volcanic dome the suburb surrounds, which rises
one hundred and ninety six metres above sea level. That makes it the
largest in Auckland, and gives some breath-taking views of the city and
harbour from the top. It is a nice suburb, but there is little escaping the
busy city life here, which for me is the main reason I'm not a big fan of
the area. I will only be here for a short time, so I'm sure I can handle
it.

Once mum has the van parked and killed the engine, we pile out of it and
gather on the sidewalk. Mum pushes a button on a remote that is on the key
ring, and then the van makes a bleep bleep sound, along with the noise of
the doors locking. I'm quite impressed that we have gone flash enough to
have a vehicle with an alarm, because we have never owned one with it
before. I soon forget about it as everyone files into the medical centre,
and the result for me is I can feel the nerves getting worse. Butterflies
are flittering around in my stomach, making me feel a little sick, as I
have waited for this for a while but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to
handle it. It is the thought of potentially seeing his face again which
scares me most, but I know I have to do this so try not to think too much
about it. Once we are inside mum signals for me to see the receptionist,
which reminds me that I'm supposed to be the one the doctor talks to.

"Um... hello... I'm Josh Lac... sorry McFadden, and I'm here to see Dr
Hansel," I say nervously, while not being able to believe I almost gave the
wrong name. Yeah, I could understand if I was about to use the name Smith,
but Lacroix? We only have that name since yesterday, yet I'm addressing
myself using it so easily, despite having been known as McFadden for most
of my life.

"Just one moment, I think he has been expecting you," the lady behind the
reception desk says, then picks up a phone, hits a number and waits for
about thirty seconds for the other end to get answered.

"Hi Dr Hansel, we have a Josh McFadden here to see you... Send them right
in...? Ok," she says, before hanging up the phone and signalling for us to
follow her. She leads the way down a short hallway before coming to a stop
outside a door. She then knocks, signals for us to wait there, and heads
back to her desk. If the nerves hadn't got to me before, then they sure as
hell have now, as I feel on the verge of throwing up. I'm not the only one
either, as I notice Sarah and Callum looking a bit green around the
gills. We came here for answers, but I'm not sure I really need to know
now, because I don't know if I can handle it.

Before I get the chance to bail out, the door opens and an elderly looking
man dressed in a standard doctor's white coat is standing there. He signals
for us to enter, which mum does seemingly without a care in the
world. Pierre takes my hand, knowing I'm chickening out, so pulls me in
after mum. Once I have gone in Callum decides he will too, leaving Sarah
with no other choice but to follow. The room isn't a typical doctor's
inspection room, instead it reminds me more of a meeting room than
somewhere where you would go to get checked out. The room has a large
table/desk in the middle with half a dozen chairs surrounding it. On one
wall is a large white board with writing all over it, but it is the TV and
DVD player set-up opposite the table which catches my eye. We take a seat
at the table, while the doctor finishes setting up the TV, making me a
little curious about what we are going to be watching.

"Hello, my name is Dr Hansel, and I have been your father's/husband's
primary doctor since he was about fourteen. You don't need to introduce
yourselves because I already know who you are, well, all except for you
young man, where do you fit in?" he says, spotting Pierre sitting beside
me, and realises he has one extra person. He knows all about mum, Sarah,
Callum and me, but dad never said anything about there being another boy in
the family.

"Hi... um... my name is Pierre. They adopted me after Josh rescued me one
day. I had been sailing around the world when our yacht got caught in a
cyclone and sunk," Pierre replies, deliberately not telling the doctor the
full story behind his presence. I know why, because he is like me and
feeling a little uncomfortable about the whole situation. The doctor
doesn't need to know any more than that, since we know nothing about him,
other than he looked after my dad for a long time.

"Oh... well that explains it, welcome Pierre. I'm not sure that any of this
will have much relevance to you, so please just bear with us while we get
this out of the way... The first thing I want to do is show you a DVD that
your father made. I have watched this myself, because I needed to
understand what had gone wrong with your father, so I apologise for that,
but he was my patient so I needed to know whether it was my failings or
not. This video is more intended for Josh, although Callum, you are
mentioned in it too. This might be hard to watch, so if it becomes too much
let me know and I'll turn it off," he says. All of us struggle to contain
our smirks when the doctor tells Pierre that this will have little
relevance to him, because it is as important for him to understand about my
father as it is for me. Mainly because it allows him to see what the man is
like, but also it is going to help him to assist me if I ever need it in
the future, as he is going to see the truth about my dad.

I am getting very worried about what the video is going to contain,
especially after the doctor informed us that it might be hard to watch. The
nerves are back with vengeance, making me feel horrible and on the verge of
throwing up again. Pierre takes hold of my hand, underneath the table so
the doctor can't see, and squeezes it a little to remind me we are going
through this together. I feel a smaller, more delicate hand groping around
under the table, as Callum tries to find my other hand, because he needs me
to hold him like I used to. I decide better of it and push my chair out
from the table a little bit further, then pat my hand on my knee, which
tells him immediately that he is allowed to sit on me. He does so without a
second thought, and I wrap my free arm around my little brother so I can
hug him. It feels like the old days when dad was on one of his rampages,
but at least we know we are safe from him now.

"Hello... please, don't turn off the TV, because I really want you to hear
me out. I know I have made the biggest fuck up a father could ever make,
and you probably never want to see my face again. I have been hiding a big
secret from all of you, and not because I didn't trust you, it was more
because... I was ashamed of myself... I have a bipolar disorder, which I
can't explain a lot about, except it can turn me into someone I don't want
to be... I know it is not an excuse in the slightest for what I put you
through Josh, no excuse at all... there hasn't been a day when I haven't
wished I could take the whole thing back. I treated you and Callum like
rubbish... you didn't deserve it... no-one deserves to go through what I
put you through... I am really truly sorry Josh and Callum, because I know
I have ruined your childhoods on you... All I hope is that you have found
some quality of life away from me, because I want you to be happy
again... Josh, I never want you to forgive me for what I have done, because
I don't deserve it... What I want from you is to continue to protect Callum
for me, because you have done such an awesome job already... I'm proud of
you son, for the way you stuck up for him even though you knew you would
get hurt as a result... I hope one day Sarah will understand that it was me
who destroyed our family... because I know she blames you at the moment
Josh, and again I am sorry... I'm sorry for everything, except helping to
give you wonderful kids life... that is the one great thing I have managed
to achieve, even if I tried to ruin it."

"Daddy, wait, I have forgiven Josh!" Sarah screams, a couple of moments
before the doctor shuts off the TV. She is bawling her eyes out, like we
all are. Her outburst doesn't surprise anyone, aside from the doctor,
because we all know she was a daddy's girl, so is still trying to live up
to his expectations.

The whole video was eerie, but it didn't explain a huge amount either. The
main thing I got from the clip is how distraught dad was at the way he had
treated Callum and me. I know he said he had a bipolar disorder, but I have
no idea what that is, let alone if it is supposed to affect him the way he
said it did. It was seeing his face, and how truly sorry and gutted he was,
which got us all crying. He was back to his old self when the video was
made, so I could feel his love behind each and every word. It is too late
for me not to forgive him, because I already have and I'm not going to take
it back. I have to forgive him in order to help me to move forward, because
if I hold a grudge against him for the rest of my life, then I could see
myself becoming a bitter and twisted old man. Dad's apology touched my
heart, and everyone else, because it was genuine. For a brief moment in
time I had my old father back, but I wasn't here to see him. That thought
makes me feel a little sad, but I am still aware of the danger he posed, so
it was something that was never going to happen.

"Well, now that you have seen the video I suppose it is my turn now. If you
don't mind me asking, but what happened... what did he do that he regarded
as so atrocious he ended up taking his own life? He never told me about the
cause, just that he had... err... fucked up bad... as he put it," the
doctors asks. I don't bother to look around the table to get mum's or
Sarah's opinion, because I already know that it is entirely up to me
whether I tell him or not.

"Umm... I'm not sure if I want to say... not for my own protection, but
because if dad never told you, then he must really feel embarrassed about
it, and I don't blame him... Um... let's just say that he yelled at Callum
a lot, and used his fists and feet against me... the other thing he did is
something no father should do to their son, in more ways than just one," I
say, wondering if he will get the cryptic hint I gave him. I'm sure he
probably won't, but I wanted to be vague, because I couldn't bring myself
to penalise my father any further. Hearing him referred to as a child
rapist the other day actually hurt my feelings, so I don't want the doctor
to look at him in the same light.

"Ok... um... Don't worry about it, because there must be a very good reason
why you are reluctant to tell me... Well I suppose I had better explain
about bit about bipolar disorder. It is also known as manic depressive
disorder, which basically means the person suffering from it tends to swing
between a manic and depressive phase. A manic stage person can become
violent if their condition is extreme enough, although most people at that
level usually become incarcerated because they are no longer able to
control their mood swings. There are varying degrees of severity of the
manic and depressive phases, but by what you have already told me I can
tell he must have deteriorated to an extreme level. I won't worry about
explaining the depressive stage, because I'm confident you all have
experienced bad depression," he says, then looks at us to confirm his
beliefs. We all nod our heads so he knows we have all been there, and he
doesn't need to go into any detail about depression. It is something I
don't want to be reminded of, because it is a lonely dark hole, and a place
I'm glad to be out of.

"The manic phase is the dangerous and unpredictable one, because the person
can end up doing things they would normally never do. The other major side
effect of a severe manic episode is the person can experience
hypersexuality, where the person can suddenly feel increased sexual urges,
and if substance abuse is happening, such as drinking too much alcohol,
then the person can feel little to no social or self-inhibitions," he tells
us, causing our mouths to drop open in disbelief, as he has summed up what
dad become like to a tee. Callum doesn't know what the doctor is talking
about with hypersexuality, which is a good thing, because I am still
determined to protect him from the truth. Although, the only reason I have
any idea what he is on about is because I have experienced it, and the talk
François, mum and Manuel's dad gave us about sex contained a bit about
sexual urges. The word hyper being thrown in front indicates to me that is
must be a very strong sexual urge that is impossible to ignore, so maybe he
was having one of those at the time he raped me, and that is why he wasn't
thinking straight.

The doctor picks up on our change in expression when he talks about the
sexual connotations around the disorder, but because he notices Callum's
naïve and innocent look around the subject he decides it is best not to
bring any more about that up. I think he has put two and two together and
knows what dad did to me, but that is as far as he is going to take it
which pleases me. He goes on to explain that dad was on mood balancing
medication, but he can't understand how he managed to hide it from us. That
is a mystery to everyone, and one that dad took to his grave, but the
doctor tells us why he thinks dad hid it from us. It turns out that like a
lot things, dad's mental condition has a stigma attached to it, and people
don't know how to treat those with a mental illness. The result is what dad
did, and people trying to hide their problem from as many people as they
can. The stupid thing about it is if people treated them equally there
would be no problem, and help can be sought before things get out of
control.

It is too late for me, too late for Callum, and now miles too late for dad,
which makes me angry. Callum and I have suffered horrendously at the hands
of an evil man, and yet all that man needed was help. If he hadn't been
ashamed of his disorder and told his family what he had, then things would
never have got so bad. I know that he is completely and utterly fucking
stupid for not telling us, especially since we were supposed to be the ones
closest to him, who he should trust the most. I think that what hurts is
dad didn't trust us enough to tell us something which turned out to be an
extremely important piece of information, which could have saved a lot of
hurt and heartache. Society has a big role to play in it as well, because
when will people get off the backs of those who are perceived to be
different, and instead of steering clear of them, maybe offer help and/or
support. It isn't just those with mental conditions, but what about gays
and lesbians? Why can't I live in a world where there is no stigma attached
to anything? It hurts, and the worst part is because of everything, it
almost destroyed me, and my family as well.

"Well, I hope that clears things up about why your father did the things he
did, although if he stayed off the booze then none of it would have ever
happened. I'm not making any excuses for his behaviour, because I feel
betrayed by him. I have been his doctor since he was fourteen, but he still
didn't trust me enough to ask for help when he needed it. It hurts me more
than you realise, because I feel like I have failed in my job, and now I
have heard the results of my failings and it makes me feel even worse. Your
father was a good man, but far too pig-headed and stubborn for his own
good, and what he did to you is inexcusable. Before I allow you to continue
with whatever else you have planned for the day, I better tell you one more
important piece of information," he says, then makes sure we are all
listening to him properly, because this is obviously something that is
imperative we hear.

"Bipolar disorder has been linked through genetics. Margret and Pierre, you
won't have anything to worry about, unless you have it in your
family. Sarah, Josh and Callum, you need to be fully aware that you may
have it, so I want you to take home this information brochure so you can
recognise the symptoms, should any of you develop it. You don't need to
worry too much if you do have it, because it is controllable, and you can
still live a full and productive life. You will have to make a few
sacrifices though, and also visit a mental health specialist at regular
intervals. I'm sorry to drop this on you, but it is important you know now
than find out when it is too late," he says, before shaking our hands and
leaving the room. He knows we may need a little time for it to all sink in,
so he doesn't kick us out, instead he just leaves us there.

The potential of having it doesn't concern me too much, because despite my
massive depressions I haven't experienced anything which could be
classified as manic. I have never just had mood swings like he
described. My mood wouldn't change from depressed to anything every two or
three days, no, I just stayed depressed aside from the occasional heated
argument with mum. At this stage I don't see it in Sarah or Callum either,
but I don't really know my sister well enough to judge, but from how she
has been lately I don't think she is. I know he had to tell us about it but
I don't think we have anything to worry about, and I am aware it may not
show up till we are older. I decide I've had enough sitting around thinking
about things which are totally out of my control, so I let go of Pierre's
hand then as gently as possible push Callum off my lap.

Callum takes the hint and slides off me, albeit reluctantly. He is trying
to get his head around all the information he has been given, because a lot
of it he doesn't fully understand. He will be full of questions later as he
does his best to get properly informed about what we have been told today,
but until then his brain will continue to stew away whilst attempting to
make sense of everything. Now he is off me I get up and stretch, before
taking Pierre's hand, pulling him up, and then walking towards the
door. Callum follows me absentmindedly, because it has become instinct for
him. All the years I have tried to keep him from getting hurt by getting
him to follow me to a safe place, means it is almost automatic for him now
when his mind is otherwise occupied. Mum and Sarah notice me making my way
to the door, and realise that there is no point sitting there worrying
about something that may or may not happen, so get up and follow me too. We
don't hang around the medical centre for a second longer than we have to,
so we are quickly out the door and filing into the van.

Within minutes we are back on the road heading back into the city centre,
while mum is hoping that the others are at the rendezvous point in time. It
isn't a huge issue, but will make things easier if they are, because
otherwise we will have to try and find them. The good thing is we are
running a little later than the time mum gave to Manuel's dad to meet us,
so they should be there. Mum's main issue is going to be trying to find a
park on the street, because she doesn't want to waste precious time having
to park in a parking building. Upon reaching the centre, and the place mum
got Manuel's dad to meet us, we can see they are all there waiting, but the
best part is there is an empty loading zone in front of them, so it is
going to make the next part a lot easier. Mum pulls the van to a stop right
in front of everyone, and we are told to get out. Manuel's dad quickly
jumps in the passenger's seat, and buckles in. Before mum leaves again she
confirms with Sarah that she knows where the next meeting point is, which
she acknowledges, then closes the door for Manuel's dad and waves goodbye
as they pull out into the traffic and cruise off down the road.

"Are we supposed to meeting mum at the Viaduct Basin in half an hour? Just
wondering cos it seems miles away since we are halfway up Queen Street," I
ask Sarah, after overhearing the pickup point. I have been here plenty of
times before, so I know half an hour to get along Queen Street and over to
the Viaduct Basin is going to be cutting it close.

"Yes, but it should be plenty of time providing you don't get
side-tracked. Just remember the last time you walked that far you would
have been Callum's age, so it would have seemed like a long way. If you can
keep the youngsters up to speed then we will get there in time no worries,"
she replies, whilst putting the onus on me to ensure Callum and Manuel keep
up. With the way Callum is at the moment it could be a difficult task,
because his mind is still elsewhere, as he attempts to make sense of
everything from earlier.

"Callum, stop worrying about earlier. If you don't understand what the
doctor told us then ask mum and Sarah about it later, because they will be
able to explain things in terms you understand. In the meantime your
mission, if you choose to accept it, is to be the first person to each set
of lights as we walk down the hill," I say, suddenly seeing a sparkle
return to his eyes as he likes my plan. I can see this becoming a battle
between him and Manuel, which could quickly get out of hand.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you start to have to listen to the rules. First
rule is no running, and to make sure you stay in sight of everyone, because
we don't want to lose you. The second rule is that if you take one step
onto the road before the rest of us catch up, then you fail the mission and
lose. Do you understand the rules, and happy to take on the mission?" I
say, getting a crazily fast nodding of his head in reply. He likes it when
I play Mission Impossible with him, even if I don't partake in the game as
such. He likes the challenge and is fully aware the competition will come
in the form of Manuel. I'm just glad it should mean we don't end up having
to drag him down the hill and street like I first expected, but now I'm
going to have to be vigilant to ensure neither of them break the rules.

Once everyone starts to venture down the hill towards the harbour and
Viaduct Basin, I give Callum and Manuel a signal stating ready, set,
go. The two boys set off towards the next intersection as quickly as they
can without running. Pierre and I follow them, trying our best to keep an
eye on them as they make their way past our group. I soon notice one thing
I overlooked in the rules, as they are so into the game I've made up for
them that no-one will get in their way. Instead of negotiating their way
around other pedestrians, they barge right through them, making a nuisance
of themselves in the process. They soon disappear from sight, because of
the sheer amount of people on the sidewalk. I had a feeling they wouldn't
be able to stick to that part of the rules, but thankfully the blocks are
small enough that they can't get too far ahead. Sure enough they come into
view moments later, waiting patiently for us at the set of lights
controlling the first intersection.

"Another rule for you two monkeys. If you touch any other pedestrian then
you get poisoned, so you have to stop and wait for the rest of us to catch
up in order to get the antidote," I tell them, while we wait for the lights
to let us cross, and their faces drop. They know how much harder it is
going to be with this new rule, because they can't just barge past people
like they had been. The good thing is they are up for the challenge,
although I wonder how long it will be before they start cheating.

The new rule works wonders for the remainder of the walk down the
hill. Instead of killing their enthusiasm it seems to fuel it up further,
as they duck, dive and try to weave their way around other
pedestrians. Instead of giving up and going with the flow, they are
actively trying to find the best and quickest way to negotiate the new
obstacles. Every now and then we catch up to one of them, who is looking
all fidgety because he accidently bumped into someone, and we are taking
too long to catch up to him. It makes me happy to see that their rivalry
hasn't led them to cheating in order to beat the other, and that becomes
clearer when we make it to the bottom and I ask them who won. Neither of
them had bothered to keep count, so had no idea who the winner was. It
doesn't matter to me or them in the slightest because the smiles on their
faces at least say they enjoyed themselves.

We cross Quay Street at the bottom, so we are on the harbour side of the
road, which will make walking to the Viaduct Basin so much easier. The foot
traffic is just as heavy around here as it was on Queen Street, but down
this part of the city it is mainly tourists. It seems like a very rushed
tour of downtown Auckland for our guests since they haven't had much time
to get to see much at all. To be honest they aren't missing out on a lot
because there are much better places to see in the country than here. I
haven't seen a huge amount of New Zealand, but what I have seen outside of
Auckland makes me appreciate how much more this country has to offer
outside the big urban metropolis we are in. My favourite place that I have
been would be Taupo Bay, so I'm eager to get back up there again. Almost as
soon as we get to our destination mum pulls up in the van beside us.

"Get in, I've changed my mind. We won't be staying the night in Auckland
like I had initially planned, instead we will be heading north and probably
go as far as Whangarei before stopping for a rest," mum says frantically,
because she is illegally parked so wants us in as quickly as possible. We
pile in and take our seats in short order, meaning mum is only stopped for
just over a minute tops, before we are on our way.

"What did you have to get mum, and why the sudden change of plan?" I ask,
curious about what is going on. I'm not expecting an answer, but figured I
would try anyway.

"What we were getting is none of your business. We are heading north
because we are supposed to get a gloriously fine day the day after
tomorrow, so I thought it would be good to show everyone Taupo Bay in all
its glory. After that we are in for a long trip, because I plan to take us
all on a South Island tour," she replies, stunning me completely because I
honestly didn't expect to get any sort of answer from her. While the others
cheer and talk excitedly about mum's plans, I start to wonder what is
really going on.

I know she is hiding something, because I doubt she would suddenly change
her plans just because we are supposed to get a perfectly fine day. I mean
I want to show everyone the best of Taupo Bay, but even I wouldn't go out
of my way to do so. The weather isn't bad, but definitely isn't the best it
could be, but compared to yesterday it is glorious today. The wind has
eased right back at this stage, but it is still overcast, with a grey
depressing sort of low cloud hanging around, but it looks like it is slowly
breaking up. The weather tomorrow looks like we will at least get fine
spells, which would be good enough for me to visit Taupo Bay. I just don't
understand why she is in a rush to get up there, because having a fine day
doesn't seem too important to me, so I know she is up to something.

Knowing I'm not going to be able to come up with any further answers, I
wrap an arm around Pierre and pull him into me. He starts asking me all
sorts of questions about the South Island, now he knows I've stopped trying
to come up with solutions to problems that don't really
exist. Unfortunately I can't answer his questions because I've never been
down there myself, so for that part of the trip I'm once again a
tourist. It gets me excited for it knowing we are going to be delving into
the unknown, and Pierre's enthusiasm about it is also rubbing off on me. I
tell him what I know about the area, which isn't much, but still enough to
make him even more excited about going there. The only thing which concerns
me is that we are in the middle of winter, so the potential of getting ice
or snow while we are there is high. I want to see the white stuff, but I'm
unsure about mum's ability to drive in it. That is what scares me the
most. We stop to get some food for dinner not long after we leave
Auckland. Mum can't be bothered with anything too fancy as it will take too
long, and I think we would all agree with that, so we stop for a local New
Zealand delicacy, fish and chips.

"Do you think we will see Dan and Caleb while we are down south?" Pierre
asks, bringing up something I hadn't even considered, after we have all
finished eating. He had been about to ask it before we stopped for dinner,
but didn't get a chance, so he has been stewing on it for a while. I shrug
my shoulders letting him know that I have no idea, but I'm assuming we
won't because mum would have surely told us.

"Mum, are we going to visit Dan and Caleb while we are in the South
Island?" I ask, knowing it is better to try to find out, than it is to act
like I don't know. She might be planning on it, and forgotten to mention
it, so I better find out.

"Oh... um... I had forgotten that they live down there. Tell you what if
you can find out where they live I will try to find some time to see them,"
she replies, crushing my hopes at the same time.

I have lost and forgotten their phone number, so I can't use mum's phone to
ring them, and the other big setback is we don't have a computer. All the
hotels we have stayed at offer free Wi-Fi, but with no computer I can't get
online. I know Caleb has a Facebook page, so I could contact him through
that, like I have many times before. I first met him through the social
networking site, while he and Dan were in hospital after their accident
during a huge cyclone swell which pounded the area. That was while we were
living in Taupo Bay, and I broke the rules of our protection by doing it,
but hey, I was doing little else in school so at least that was
productive. My only solution is to buy a computer myself, but I don't think
that will go down too well. I figure I might as well try.

"Mum, is there any chance I can buy a computer...? You know, so I can get
in contact with Dan and Caleb, because I really want to see them again,
especially after they came to see us while we were in hospital," I ask,
trying to plead my case with her, in hopes that she feels a little
sympathetic towards me.

"Hmmm... at this stage no, because we won't be staying anywhere with a
computer store long enough for you to get one. On the other hand I plan on
staying a couple of days in Dunedin city, because I hear there is a lot to
see and do there, so you might get a chance while we are there," she
replies, again crushing any hope I have, because I'm sure they live
somewhere around Dunedin.

"Don't they live somewhere around Dunedin, I mean it could be too late to
arrange anything by then," I say, on the verge of tears in
disappointment. I feel like it would be rude to go to the South Island and
not visit them. I feeling a little annoyed mum hadn't told us about it
earlier, because maybe we could have figured something out while we were in
Auckland.

"Shit... look I'm sorry honey, but I didn't even think about it. I will try
and figure something out, but we are going to be on a pretty tight
schedule. Try not to worry about it and enjoy the trip, because you should
know things have a way at working themselves out if it was meant to be,"
she says, trying not to kill all hope, but also making me wonder if she has
planned something and is trying to hide it.

The thought of that alone calms me right down, because it will mean that we
will get to see them again, somewhere and somehow. Pierre also senses what
I'm thinking which helps his fears ease, because he wants to see them as
much as me. Bastian turns around in his seat to ask me about it, because he
remembers them from his time with them, and wants to see them again as
well. I try to tell him not to worry because I think mum has something
planned, but that ends up the worst thing to say, because he ends up
getting overexcited. That of course triggers the youngsters, until
François reminds us that it isn't a given yet, and that we might be
jumping to conclusions too early. He's right, and nothing feels worse than
when you think something great is going to happen, only to be disappointed
when it doesn't, so everyone quickly calms down again.

Xavier starts to ask Bastian lots of question about who Dan and Caleb are,
the moment he is back in his seat properly. Bastian answers all he can, but
inevitably Pierre and I were always going to get dragged into the
conversation. We have to tell him how we know them, which leads to more and
more questions. After a while he runs out of things to ask, well, all
except for one thing. He then wants to know whether we think they will like
him, because he is scared they might not like him as much as us. I doubt
that will be the case, and tell him that. He is the sort of kid I think
will have no problems making friends, so he will have no problems with Dan
and Caleb. In fact now that he is Bastian's boyfriend I think they will
like him even more, but I have to stop thinking about them, because I don't
want to be left disappointed.

I am helped in taking my mind off them when mum pulls up in front of a
hotel. It turns out we had been asking Xavier's questions for so long that
we have made it to Whangarei without realising. She parks the car and gets
out leaving it idling as she disappears into the hotel, making me think she
hasn't bothered to try and make a booking in advance. The good side of
things is that it is the off season for this part of the country, so she
shouldn't have too much of a problem finding a hotel with enough rooms
available. She is only gone a short time before she comes out again, so I'm
unsure if they are able to have us. She doesn't say anything to us either,
so we have to wait and see, but I think we must be staying here the night
because she hasn't put on her seatbelt.

I assume right, because mum pulls the van off the road and pulls into a car
park in the hotel lot. She kills the engine and gets out again, indicating
to us that we should as well. It doesn't take long before we have all filed
out of the van and are waiting for mum to lead the way. She does after
opening the boot and grabbing her bag, which reminds us all that we are
going to want to do the same. Once we have our bags mum closes up the van
and ensures she locks it. Then we all head inside and up to the reception
to check in. The good thing this time around is our rooms are all grouped
together, but even better is we have not been told that an adult must
accompany each child, so I'm hoping Pierre and I will get a room to
ourselves again. I know better than to inquire about it, especially since
we are still at the reception counter, but mum is unlikely to give anything
away in any case.

She makes a show of giving François, Manuel's grandma and grandpa a key,
but I know she has an extra one still on her. I'm still not going to get my
hopes up, but it is looking promising we might get our own room, although I
wouldn't put it past her to give the key to either Sarah, or Bastian and
Xavier, just to annoy me. We follow her as she leads us to our rooms, which
for the first time are actually on the ground floor. Once at the rooms, mum
points out to François which one is his and the youngsters', so they
open up and wander in. I can see Manuel's grandpa sneaking a look into the
room while they are heading in, and seems to see whatever it is he is
looking for.

"Sorry Margret, I hope you don't mind but I'm going to give Josh and Pierre
the room to themselves. I know they are responsible enough to have a room
to themselves, and I want to keep François company, while also spending
some time with my grandson," he says, throwing us the keys before mum gets
a chance to reply. Pierre and I just smile at each other, because this is
what we wanted more than anything.

"Ok, I won't stop you Fabien, but I had intended on giving them their own
room tonight. Who am I going to give the spare room to now then?" mum asks,
not quite sure how she is going to work things out, because she hadn't
considered this eventuality. She knows she has two options, but doesn't
want to upset anyone in the process, so is hoping the answer will work
itself out for her.

"Give the room to Sarah, because she is a teen so probably wants and needs
the privacy more than anyone. In any case if you want to give Bastian and
Xavier their own room then all it will require is Jean sleeping with you"
he replies, stating the obvious, because without thinking about it mum had
booked two extra rooms. She had got so used to booking four rooms that she
did so without thinking, and then booked the extra room on top. This of
course incidentally made things a lot easier, but she is feeling a bit
stupid for not having worked it out.

Manuel's grandpa then disappears into the room and closes the door, while
the rest of us get ourselves organised and go into our rooms. It is getting
pretty late so we dump our bags, and strip off our clothes. We will worry
about things like a shower tomorrow, so we open our bags and rummage
through them till we find our toiletries bags, which we take through to the
bathroom and brush our teeth. We quickly do our business in the toilet
before wandering back through to the bedroom and climbing into bed. We
snuggle close together like usual and follow that up with a tender loving
kiss, before drifting off to the pleasant world of sleep.

************

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