Date: Sun, 9 Jun 2013 11:08:17 +1200
From: bob charles <pennywise3636@gmail.com>
Subject: Washed Up (Gay / Young friends) chapter 6

Washed Up.

Disclaimer:

Warning: this story contains sexual content, contact between young boys,
and other themes that may offend.  If the subject matter offends you, is
not to your tastes, or if you are under legal age for your area, then find
something else to read. In the following story all names and events are
completely fictional.  Although I may mention a specific location, place,
or person any resemblance to said people, location, or places is completely
unintentional.

Chapter 6:

Mum pulls into the picnic area. It isn't a lot to look at. It is just a few
trees and a couple of wooden picnic tables, but it is tidy with no rubbish
anywhere. There is a little dirt track through the middle of it which cars
use to access the area as it loops back to the road. Otherwise there really
isn't anything here, there are no toilets or anything, but it is just a
rest area so you can't really expect a lot.

I am starting to feel suffocated at not being able to vent my
frustrations. My breathing is shallow and weak, and my body is trembling
from built up aggression and adrenalin. I have to get out of the car and
fast. I undo my seatbelt and open the car door. Mum has to slam on the
breaks when she hears the door open, sending the car skidding to a stop,
leaving a trail of dust which quickly envelopes the car. I jump out as soon
as I have the door open, but thankfully for my sake mum has stopped the car
in time so I don't hurt myself.

I run, and run. I want to get as far away from everyone as possible. I jump
a wire fence at the back of the picnic area and into the neighbouring
farm. Once I clear the fence I run through the grassy pasture. I climb a
little hill and run down the other side, almost stumbling and taking a fall
a couple of times, due to the uneven ground. But I keep running trying to
put as much distance between me and my former life as possible. I really am
trying to run away from my past as I'm sick of the way it keeps ruling my
life.

 ************


I just keep running. I want something to punch and kick to relieve my
frustrations and anger, but there is nothing around other than cows, dirt
or that wire fence that borders the paddock. I want to run away from
everything horrible that has happened in my life. But it just seems to keep
following me. Quickly I realise that I don't want to leave someone
behind. I can't run away from Callum, as I care too much about him, and he
needs me.

I stop running and collapse in a heap feeling disillusioned and
demoralised. I curl up in a ball and burst out crying. It is all too hard,
and I can't take it anymore. I want Callum to run away with me, but I know
that we will not survive for very long. My mind is in tatters as I try to
find an answer to my problems. The only answer that I can come up with is
the latest cause of my depression, but I miss him so much. I need him back
in my life, and I'm pretty sure he needs me.

Callum quickly takes off after me as I clear the wire fence. Sarah
surprisingly follows her youngest brother as she is concerned for my safety
and wellbeing. After what mum has just told her she knows Callum will be
fine. It is me that she is worried about, and she is willing to compromise
her own safety to ensure that I'm alright. They just keep running in the
direction they have seen me travel in, and eventually they catch up. They
both look really worried when the see me curled up in a ball, hugging
myself.

"Pierre come back, I need you." I shout at the top of my voice. I know it
is useless, but it at least makes me feel a little better. I am still
bawling my eyes out so haven't seen either Callum or Sarah turn up. I think
that my prayers have been answered when I feel someone latch onto me.

"Pierre you came back." I sob, and cling to him. I hold him as tightly as I
can so that he can't get away again. My mind is a mess, meaning it doesn't
pick up on the fact that the sensations are all wrong for it to be who I
think it is.

"Sorry Josh, it's just me Callum." The high pitch voice of my brother says
soothingly. I just cry even harder. I love my brother and I am glad that he
is here for me, but I really want Pierre. I need Pierre is more the point,
as with him everything seems to fix itself. All my problems melt into
oblivion when he is around. I need him, I really do.

"Who is Pierre?" A voice that I haven't expected asks me. I know it is my
sister, but I am not sure whether to answer her or not. I am no longer
angry, no that mood has gone. I am depressed, deep in the depths of hell,
depressed. It is so dark that I don't think I will ever find a way out, not
without guidance and the only person who can help me isn't anywhere to be
seen.

"Look Josh, I am very sorry for everything that I have ever said bad to
you. I really didn't know what you had gone through. I now wish that I had
read the symptoms earlier, so that I could have tried to stop it. I am
truly sorry. But who is Pierre as I really do want to know?" Sarah says. I
know there is no use in ignoring her, as I am going to have to rely on her
to get me back to the car. I cave in and decide to answer her question. It
is going to take all the remaining strength that I've got, but I know there
is no other way out of it.

"He is my boyfriend." I cry, as tears pour from my eyes creating little
salty rivers down my cheeks. I am extremely worried about how she is going
to react to this information but she can't really do any more damage than
she already has, so that's why I decided to tell her.

Sarah looks completely shocked at my answer. She never expected that sort
of answer, especially from her twelve year old brother. It is something
that she isn't sure what to think about, as she has never considered how
she would react if she ever found out that one of her brothers is gay. It
is something that she never considered, and for a long time she didn't give
a shit about me anyway, so if I had told her earlier today then her
reaction would be a whole lot different. Now she doesn't know what to
think, as things have changed so much. She does the right thing and doesn't
say anything bad or derogatory about me being gay. She knows I have been
through too much to start up about that, and for some strange reason she
doesn't feel like she wants to mock me anymore.

"What happened to him? Where is he?" Sarah asks inquisitively. Callum gives
her a concerned look as he knows that I am not going to handle this too
well. He is struggling to contain his emotions as he too remembers that
day. Callum misses Pierre almost as much as I do, and the thought of what
happened tears his little heart apart again. Callum starts to weep as his
mind does the same as mine, and returns to that horrible day.

***

Pierre has been staying with us for the best part of a month and a half. We
haven't heard anything from immigration in all that time, which we thought
was odd. We have been constantly pestering mum about the adoption papers,
until the day she told us that she had signed them. We are still head over
heels in love with each other, and still sneaking behind mum's back to show
it.

It has become harder to get quality alone time, as we have started back at
school, which for the first time in ages I am actually concentrating at. We
are in the same class, and Pierre helps me heaps with trying to catch
up. But I am a long, long way behind, so it is going to take a really long
time to get to the level that I should be at. Currently I should be back in
year 5, instead of the year 8 work that I am trying to do. It is hard, real
hard, but Pierre guides me along as best as he can and I am slowly starting
to make some in-roads.

It is quite funny as I recall the looks we received on that first day of
school. The kids are all very timid of me and try to avoid me as best as
they can, but seeing a new kid at school who is walking beside me makes
them all scared and concerned for his safety. Quite a few kids have tried
to befriend me in the time I have been attending, but I shut them all
out. A couple of kids I snapped at rather viscously, after they made
repeated attempts to become my friend. I really didn't want any friends at
the time, so I shunned everybody.

I had shut everyone out of my life at that stage, and the last thing that I
wanted was a friend at school. So when the kids all see the new kid so
close to me at school, they all expect the worst. Callum has run off to his
group of friends as we enter the school grounds, and has to explain to his
friends who the new kid is and what he is doing with me. Callum just tells
them that we have become friends after I had saved his life. They seem to
buy his story, and let us be in peace.

Pierre is a bit disconcerted with all the strange attention he seems to be
getting. It is almost like the kids want to rush up and greet him, but they
look a bit scared. I have to explain to him why they are like that. Pierre
gives me a disappointed look knowing how I have treated the kids, but at
the same time he does understand why. But anyway I'm digressing, and trying
to avoid the point.

It is a fine Saturday morning. The weather is warm and humid as per usual
for this time of year. We have all been out for a surf, and are heading
back for some food. The first thing we notice as we climb the sand dunes,
and overlook our house is a black V8 Holden Commodore parked in the
driveway. I don't think too much of it as we quite often see these sorts of
cars in the driveway. They are commonly used by government agencies, and as
we are under witness protection we get regular visits by government
agents. So I really am not too concerned seeing the car in the drive.

This time it is a bit different, but I fail to pick up on the vibe. There
are two officials dressed up in their usual business attire, and they are
standing outside talking to mum. It is like they are waiting for something,
or someone. Usually when we get our visits they talk to mum inside, and
privately, so as to not cause us kids any undue stress. So seeing them all
outside makes me a little bit worried, but I still don't think too much of
it. What is the worst thing they could be here for, as if dad escaped then
we will just have to move. I'm not too concerned about that unless dad is
nearby, and I really can't think of any other reason why they would be
here, so I presume it has something to do with dad.

Mum has an upset look on her face which was also flushed red, like she has
been fighting or something. But deep down in my gut something seems a
little put on by mum. It doesn't matter at the time as I am more concerned
with what the bad news is. If we have to move again then I know we are
going to have to rush, so I just want to get it all out of the way.

We descend down the sand dunes, with all of us dragging our feet. Pierre
and Callum both have nervous looks on their faces, as they can sense that
we aren't going to get any good news. Callum automatically presumes the
same as I do, and that something has happened and we have to move again in
a hurry. Pierre isn't sure what to make of it. The officials don't help
thing either, as their normally composed demeanour shows a touch of
nervousness. It is like they are anxious about something, which starts to
give me goose bumps, as I know they have really bad news to tell us. If
they didn't then they wouldn't look nervous in the slightest, so that
little hint tells me something is really wrong.

"Right you three, take your boards back to the garage and put on some
shirts. Pierre these two gentlemen want to talk to you. Josh and Callum I
want you to come inside with me, as I have some important stuff to tell
you." Mum tells us as we finally reach the group of adults' gathered
outside our house.

`Like fuck' I think to myself. I am not going to leave Pierre alone with
these guys. Any news they have for Pierre, they will have to say in front
of me too. He has not received any good news from government agents since
he has been in the country, so I know that this will be no different. I
have to be here to support him, and if need be I will try to protect him.

We do as we are told to a certain extent, as we head to the garage. I put
our boards on the rack and then set about trying to find my tee shirt. We
all have only been wearing board shorts out in the surf, and we have left
our shirts scattered around the garage. Pierre pulls on a yellow printed
tee shirt over his blue boardies, which has white pictures of palm trees
scattered around them. Callum puts on a cream lightweight cotton shirt, and
buttons it up. He has plain black board shorts on, and the result actually
makes him look pretty smart. I have orange boardies with grey sides, and
pull on a white tee shirt with a surf design on the back.

Callum then heads off to meet me inside. I follow Pierre out to the
officials, and when Callum notices I am not going inside with him, he
quickly runs to catch up with us. There is no way that he is going inside
if I am not. So we all wander around to meet with the government
officials. They look even more worried now, as mum has promised them that
she will get us out of the way to make things easier for them. I am not
going to let that happen, as if it's anything important then I need to know
too.

"Josh, Callum, inside now!" Mum screams at us from the house. Callum turns
and is about to go, but again notices that I am ignoring mum so does so
himself. She realises that I'm not going to listen so comes out to get me.

"Get fucked. I'm going to stay with Pierre until these guys' have gone." I
yell back. Mum comes over and takes hold of my arm, and tries to drag me
back to the house. I resist as much as I can, but she is slowly
winning. Callum has given up his fight and rushes off inside before he gets
into trouble. I know that with the way mum is acting that something
terrible is about to happen, so I struggle more to try to stay with Pierre.

"Come on Pierre you have to come with us." One of the government officials
tells him. Pierre starts to follow them unsure as to what is happening. In
his gut he feels that something isn't right, but he tries to ignore it.

Normally under the circumstances the government officials will be
physically escorting the person to the car, to ensure that they follow
them. But they are dealing with a young kid so they just let him walk on
his own, as they explain the situation to him. They really don't believe he
will put up any resistance, so are a bit casual about the whole thing.

"We got in contact with your uncle. He lives in Vichy, some place in the
Massif Central region of France. He has agreed to take custody of you, so
we are going to have to escort you to the airport. Unfortunately we do have
to deport you. We will be handing you over to some French child services
agents at the airport and they will look after you from there." One of the
officials says. The lead official now wishes that they weren't so casual
about the whole thing, as Pierre tries to make a break for it.

Pierre is in a panic. He heart is pumping hard, and his breathing is
erratic. He doesn't want to go back to France, as he wants to stay with
me. He tries desperately to run back towards me, and for a moment thinks he
is going to make it. The officials quickly take control of the situation,
as they chase Pierre down and grab hold of a shoulder each. They have to
forcibly take him to the waiting sedan.

"Josh help me!" Pierre screams to me. He is still fighting as hard as he
can to try and get away. Tears are streaming down his cheeks with the
realisation that he isn't going to get his way. He feels hopeless with the
whole situation, as he isn't strong enough to be able to fight off these
guys.

I hear it all, every word that is said. It fires me up more, and I struggle
harder and harder against mum. I have to break free from her clutches. But
the more I struggle the tighter her grip becomes. I can feel my heart
getting ripped apart into little pieces and then jumped on and mashed as
deep into the ground as possible, as if it isn't anything important. I can
see a similar look of pain in Pierre's eyes.

"Pierre don't go!" I scream out to him in the same fashion as he is to me,
but no one else seems to listen or even care.

This can't be happening. How on earth can my mother just let them take him
away from me? The whole world around me starts to crumble as I watch them
bundle Pierre into the backseat of the sedan. Moments later the car is
reversing out of the drive, and taking my love out of my life. I collapse
onto my knees trying to reach out for him, just hoping that by some miracle
he will leap into them, but it is all in vain. Tears are streaming from my
eyes creating big rivers of salty water down my cheeks. I have never been
in so much pain as this, as in comparison everything that has happened in
my life is totally insignificant compared to what has just gone down.

"I'm sorry Josh, but there was really nothing I could do. It's probably for
the best anyway." Mum says to me. Her voice is gentle and sweet. But to me
it sounds sarcastic and patronising. I really don't know how she can make
light of the situation, I really don't.

"How the fuck can this be for the best. This is the single worst thing that
YOU have allowed to happen in my life, bar none." I say completely
irritated and dejected. I also mean every word that I have said. Yet again
she has failed me, but this is the worst one of all. I hate her for it, I
really do.

"Oh, um... well for starters you can now go back to being the straight
little boy that you were before he turned you gay." Mum says. She had
actually only meant to think it, but the words come out of her mouth loud
and clear. I really don't know why she has decided that now was a good time
to even say such a thing, but she has, and I completely lose it.

"Fuck you bitch. I told you before that I was fucking gay before he showed
up. You are the most useless fucking mother in the world. Fuck you, I
really fucking hate you and hope I never see your fucking face again!" I
scream and run off. I have no idea where I want to go, but know that I have
to get away from her, before I do something stupid like smack her face
in. I am that pissed off with her that I actually think that I will hit her
if I stay around any longer. For my own sanity I have to go, as it will
drive me crazy if I do hit her, as much as the fucking bitch deserves it.

"What the fuck mum? How could you say such a stupid thing? Also how the
fuck could you let them take away the best thing to happen to Josh? You
really are a fucking bitch and I hate you for it." Callum yells at mum. He
is bawling his eyes out the whole time he says it. He then runs off trying
to catch me. He has been upset the whole time too, as he really likes
Pierre. Pierre has been like a brother to him, and he was so much fun too.

`What the hell have I done? Even Callum hates me for it.' Mum thinks to
herself. She collapses to her knees as she comes to the conclusion that she
has now made the biggest mistake in her life. Yet again she knows that she
will just have to live with it, as there is nothing that she can do about
it now. But a part of her is secretly pleased, as I no longer have a
boyfriend. But it isn't enough consolation for her at that moment because
we both hate her for it, and she starts to bawl her eyes out.

I run over the sand dunes and onto the beach. I decide to head north and
run all the way along the beach till I get to the rocks. I scramble my way
along the rocks to the rock shelf at the end of the headland. I slip
numerous times, and do well not to break my ankle as I get it wedged
between two rocks whilst trying to take a step. By the time I make it to
the rock shelf I am pretty cut up, but I don't care. I run all the way to
the end of the shelf before I collapse to the ground again. I sit there
hugging my knees and crying.

My head feels heavy so I lower it into my arms as I continue to weep. My
mind is all fuzzy, and things are starting to look very black. I feel all
alone, and I feel that no one cares about me. I have been depressed lots of
times before, but this is by far the worst I have ever felt. I feel like
getting up and jumping into the sea and letting it carry my body away. I am
at the end of my tether and there isn't going to be a bright light at the
end of the tunnel. Without Pierre my life is over, as I just can't bear to
live without him. He means everything to me, and I feel lost and isolated
without him.

I suddenly feel a warm and loving embrace. It isn't Pierre I know that, as
the sensations aren't the same. It is more a brotherly love, so I know it
is Callum. I don't look at him, as I don't want him to see me this way. But
I can tell that Callum needs my loving embrace as well, as he seems to be
trembling, and I can hear him sobbing. I lift my head to look at him, and
he looks as distraught as how I feel. I never thought about what the impact
of Pierre getting taken away, will have on him. I reach out a pull him to
me, and embrace him as tight as I can.

"Is he ever coming back?" Callum sobs. It wrenches my heart apart even
more, as I can't answer his question how I would like to, not without
lying. I really don't want to upset him further, as neither of us can
handle that. It is the most upset I have ever seen Callum, which says a lot
given everything he has been through and witnessed before.

"I don't know. I really hope so, but probably not." I sob back. It is the
only honest answer I can think of, without breaking his little heart even
more. It still breaks my heart as I know the reality is that we won't see
him again, not unless some miracle happens but that seems unlikely.

We just hug and comfort each other on the rock shelf for the rest of the
day. We are both too miserable to do anything. The depression I am feeling
has killed my appetite, so I am not feeling hungry. Callum is a mess. He
really did like Pierre more than I realise, so he feels as bad as I do. We
both really don't want to go home, as neither of us want to face up to the
dragon lady. Both of us are feeling too much hatred towards mum at the
moment, to make going home a good idea. Time just continues to pass us by,
as if we don't even exist.

The sun is getting really low in the west, and it is now getting really
dark. There is still a lot of heat in the air, and no wind at all. I
suggest to Callum that we stay here the night, as it is now too dark and
treacherous to try and climb back over the rocks. The sense of relief on
Callum's face is evident. He doesn't want to struggle across the rocks in
the dark, but he also really doesn't want to see mum again today. He is
almost at the stage where he doesn't ever want to see mum again. I have to
agree with him on that one, as I will be perfectly happy if that bitch just
dropped out of our lives.

The sun disappears over the horizon and it quickly goes pitch black, until
the twinkling of stars start to make their presence known. There is no
moon, as it is at the new moon stage of its cycle. We both lie down on the
rock shelf, and try to make ourselves comfortable. I snuggle up as close to
my little brother as possible to ensure that he doesn't get cold. We both
try to sleep and forget about the horrible day we have had.

Without Pierre snuggled up next to me, my mind starts playing up again. I
am transported back into my bedroom in West Auckland, with dad standing
naked at the door. As per usual I am paralysed in fear and shaking
uncontrollably. I can't move or do anything. I am sweating like a pig, and
suddenly get a warm wet sensation around my crotch. The distinctive ammonia
smell gives it away, but I am still paralysed in fear.

I still can't do anything, and feel sorry for Callum who is now soaking in
my piss. I had done so well when Pierre was here, as I haven't wet myself
at night in the whole time he was living with us. The day he leaves, and
straight away I return back to how I was before he showed up in my life. I
start to cry again at the thought.

Somehow Callum sleeps right through my ordeal. He doesn't even wake when I
piss on him. In fact he sleeps like an angel all the way through to the
morning. I don't think that I even got a minutes sleep all night. I keep
getting the same night terror every time I close my eyes. If it wasn't for
the fact I had emptied my bladder when I had the first night terror, then I
think I would have pissed myself again. As it is I am almost sure that I
feel a small trickle of piss escape every time I see dad, but I am too
soaked to really know whether I have pissed myself again, or not.

Mum is worried as hell and hasn't slept all night. She is on the verge of
panicking and calling the cops to find us. I have runaway plenty of times,
but I am always home just after dark. But what concerns her more is that
Callum hasn't come back either. She can't believe that I would allow him to
stay out all night unless something terrible has happened. Waves of guilt
are again washing over her, making her emotions more of a wreck than they
were before. She manages to think straight enough not to jump to
conclusions just yet, as she figures that she had better give us till
tonight to get back, before she rings the police.

The sun has just broken the horizon to the east, and is casting a bright
orange glow on everything its light touches. Callum is starting to stir as
the bright light shines into his eyes. I have to squint to be able to see
his cute face. His eyes start to flicker, before they cracked open just a
touch. He starts to sit up, as his mind wakes as well, and he takes a big
long stretch to iron out the kinks in his body.

There was a wet sensation all over him, and he brushes his body to see if
he really is wet, or whether his mind is just playing tricks on him. A
strong ammonia smell starts to waft up his nostrils as he moves, so he
immediately knows that the wet feeling is piss. But his crotch isn't
particularly wet, so he hasn't pissed himself.

"Shit. Josh did you have an accident again?" Callum asks. His voice sounds
a mixture of peeved as well as upset. He isn't upset at being pissed on, he
is sad knowing that I am having problems again. But he is still waking up
and his mind and voice box aren't communicating properly, which results in
the mixture of tones his says it in. He really doesn't mean to upset me, as
he really isn't angry with me, it just comes out all wrong due to still
waking.

"I'm so... I'm sorry... I... I couldn't help it... it sort of just
happened." I say and burst out crying. Lack of sleep, and being in a deep
depression have my emotions and mind in tatters. I also flush red,
embarrassed at having pissed on my brother as he slept during the night. I
am really ashamed at myself, as I am supposed to be the big brother. But
yet he doesn't wet himself, and I do. Maybe it should be Callum who is the
big brother as I'm just a little baby. I desperately need Pierre back, as I
know that I'm just going to get worse.

"It's alright Josh. I know that you can't help it. If you hadn't stuck up
for me against dad then I would probably be wetting the bed too. I only
have you to thank for dad never hurting me, but I feel really bad that he
hurt you instead." Callum replies. He has woken up properly now so his
sincere voice actually sounds that way. He gives me a huge loving hug as he
says all this. I have to hug him back, as what he has said means the world
to me. I just wish that he wouldn't feel bad about dad having hurt me
instead of him, as I would still have it no other way. I wanted to protect
him, and I got beaten as a result but I still accomplished my goal, so for
that I am happy.

We sit there in our embrace for ages. We are both crying heavily on each
other's shoulders. The emotions from the previous day are still raw, and
strong. We really don't want to do anything at this point in time. It just
feels like it would be disrespectful to Pierre if we forgot about him and
had some fun. Fun, that is the last thing on our minds. It is something I
have pretty much forgotten about entirely. I can't even remember what fun
feels like, my depression is that bad. I notice at one point that there is
a tiny little tent in Callum's pants, so I know what he needs to do.

"Callum, you need to take a piss. We can't have you piss yourself as well."
I tell my little brother sincerely. I then gently pinch the tip of his
little stiffie to stress my point, causing him to jump a little.

"Hey cut that out... um... can you do it for me, as I don't want you to
ever let me go ever again." Callum says to me. He looks a little sheepish
as he says it, but I understand. He is afraid that I will try and run away
again, and leave him behind. I have tried to plenty of times, but in the
end always go back home for one simple reason. I can't just ditch my little
brother like that. I always went back home because he was there, no other
reason but Callum. In fact I think that I would be dead by now if Callum
wasn't in my life, as he is the main reason I have always had for living.

"OK, stand up!" I demand. I can't believe that I have just agreed to this,
but he is my brother, so I don't really see anything wrong with it. I still
wash him anyway, so helping him take a leak isn't anything worse than that.

Callum stands up and takes my hand. He tries to pull me up, but in the end
it is easier for me to stand up unassisted. Once I am up I stand behind
Callum and lead him to the edge of the shelf. I then yank his shorts to his
knees, exposing his cute little 1 ¼ inch stiffie to the world. As per
usual his foreskin has retracted enough to just see his glistening pink
coloured acorn shaped glans protruding out the end of his dick.

"Can you hold it too? I can't pee unless it's getting held." Callum asks in
a quiet sheepish voice. He is red in the face at asking me to do this for
him, as he knows that he should be doing it himself. He just loves the way
I touch him, and I haven't bathed him in a little while, so he is missing
my gentle loving touch. This way he can get my loving touch back, although
he knows it won't be as good as it is in the bath.

I release a big sigh, unable to believe that I am going to do this for
him. My hands are a little shaky as I reach in front of him and take hold
of his hot hard stiffie. I pull his foreskin right back, completely
exposing his cute little pink glands. He then lets rip. I can feel his dick
inflate a little more as the torrent of watery clear piss erupts from his
pee slit. It feels kind of cool the way it inflates like that. Callum lets
out a huge sigh of relief as he feels the pressure on his bladder start to
ease.

I keep hold of his dick as he emptied his bladder. As the pressure from his
bladder eases the swelling of his little member eases, until I am left
holding his soft ¾ inch dick which is still dribbling out piss. I shake
the remaining drops off, and then pull his shorts back up much to Callum's
disappointment.

"Thank you so much. That felt kinda cool having you hold my dickie while I
took a wee wee." Callum says. He smiles at me, which is the first smile I
have seen from him since we got out of the surf yesterday. It makes me feel
all warm and fuzzy inside seeing him smile again. Still standing behind him
I reach around him, and give him a big hug.

"Can I do that for you one day?" Callum asks. His voice is quiet as a
mouse. He flushes red again at having asked that. I give him a warm smile.

"We will see." I say to him. It pretty much means that I won't let him, but
implies that I will at least consider it. I don't want to disappoint, or
upset him. So I figure I will sit on the fence with my answer and hope he
forgets. I know there is nothing behind his request other than it allowing
him to show how much I mean to him, but it is still one of those things I
am a little uncomfortable with.

We sit back down on the rock shelf with our legs dangling over the edge. I
have Callum sitting in front of me, pretty much on my lap. I wrap my arms
around him, as we just sit there looking out over the Pacific Ocean. I feel
comfortable having Callum with me, but it still isn't the same as
Pierre. My thoughts quickly returned to my love, as I wonder where he is in
the world now. I am not sure how long it will take him to get back to
France. So is he still on the plane, or is he now with his uncle?

It doesn't really matter. All I know is he is halfway across the world, and
nowhere near me. My emotions are again taking control as I weep while I am
lost in my thoughts. I instinctively hug Callum tighter fearing that he
will disappear on me too. All I can think about is all the bad stuff, and
as hard as I try the good stuff that has happened seems to no longer
exist. I am bawling my eyes out now, and Callum is doing the same. He knows
what I am thinking about, which leads him to think the same things. It is
just so hard for my little brother, as he really feels like he has lost a
brother.

"Do you think we can get mum to take us to France?" Callum asks. His words
are a little hard to understand because he is still crying heavily. It
really tears me up seeing him so upset. I feel like I have failed to
protect him by allowing Pierre to go. What makes it even worse is I feel
hopeless to be able to fix it. It is all out of my hands, and I am going to
have to rely on others.

"I wish! She won't take us, as she doesn't like him because he's gay." I
reply. I hear Callum sob even more after I say that. I know he has come to
the same realisation as I have, which is unless mum changes her mind on the
whole gay thing then we aren't going to see Pierre ever again. It is a gut
wrenching conclusion, but we both know it is true.

"What about the money you got from... um... court? We could go by
ourselves." Callum suggests hopefully. I love the commitment he has at
trying to think of a way for us to see Pierre again, but it does make it
all the more harder on both of us. I have already looked at each
possibility, and written them all off. Now I am going to have to write them
off for Callum too, and that upsets me further. I hate telling Callum that
he can't have something that he so desperately wants, as it really makes me
feel like more of a failure to him.

"No Callum, it was a good thought though. Mum put the money into a trust
account which I can't access without her until I'm 18. Anyway we would
still need mum to get us a passport so that we would be allowed to go to
France. I'm really sorry that I have failed to keep Pierre with us, but
there really is nothing that I can do." I tell Callum. We both cry even
harder as I say it. I hate the fact that we have to now rely on that
fucking bitch to be able to see Pierre again. I just know that it isn't
going to happen.

"Joshy, don't blame yourself. There wasn't anything that you could do. It
was all mummies fault, not yours." Callum whimpers to me. I hug him tighter
again, almost squeezing the wind out of him.

We continued to just sit there for ages. I still have my arms around my
little brother who was still sitting on my lap. The sun is getting higher
and higher in the sky. The silky smooth water is starting to get a bit
choppy, as the sea breeze picks up in strength. We are both completely dry
after a while, but I can still smell the strong smell of ammonia every time
Callum shifts his position slightly.

"Come on let's get washed up in the sea, as we both smell of piss." I tell
Callum. I start to release him, but he just grabs hold of my arms to
prevent me letting go. He isn't ready yet, and to be honest neither am I. I
know that I will never be ready, but we are going to have to get cleaned up
eventually as we can't just sit here forever.

"I know you don't want me to let you go, but you're going to have to
eventually. We can't stay here forever." I say to Callum in a sincere
voice. He is still very reluctant to let go of my arms. It is really heart
breaking to see him this way, and I am starting to get angry with mum
again. There is nothing that I can do about it, and that is still the worst
part.

"We are not going back after we clean up." Callum finally says. It is more
of a demand than anything, and his voice reflects that. He releases my
hands, now allowing me to stop hugging him, but I don't as I want him to
see some sense. I know that I really don't want to go back home, but it is
getting to the stage where I know that we will have to, as it has been well
over twenty four hours since either of us last had anything to eat.

"Callum, I know you don't want to see mum. I don't either. But we have to
go home because I don't want you to starve to death. You know how much you
mean to me, and I will still do everything that I can to keep you
safe. Even if it means that we have to go home." I tell Callum. I hear a
sniffle from him as he starts to cry again. He knows I am right but still
isn't ready for it.

"OK, but I'm not going back straight away. We will need to let our clothes
dry first." Callum replies. I think that he will come up with any excuse to
prolong going home, and I don't blame him for that. The most important
thing at this stage is getting cleaned up, and then I will try to get him
home and fed.

"Oh, alright! We will clean our clothes and lay them out to dry before we
clean ourselves. But as soon as our clothes are dry we will go home, as I
need you to have something to eat." I tell my brother. I feel his chest
rise and fall quite dramatically, as he releases a big sigh. He also
shudders at the thought of going home, but he doesn't argue about it. I
feel sorry for him, as I know that it isn't really a good idea at this
stage, but I really need him to eat. Neither of us have any money to buy
any food, so it really is our only option.

I release him from my hug, and scoot out from under him. I then stand up
and pull his light frame up with me. I can tell that he isn't going to help
in the slightest, because he really doesn't want to go home so will do
anything to prolong it. I am going to have to do everything, not that I am
really in the mood either, but he is my brother after all. I strip his
shirt off his smooth muscular frame, before pull down his pants, once again
exposing his cute little dickie to the world. This is where I can see the
obvious influence that Pierre has played in Callum's life, as before we met
him there would have been no way Callum would have let me strip him,
especially while he is outside.

Before I set out rinsing the piss from Callum's clothes, I have to remove
mine. I strip pretty quickly and then go back to the edge of the shelf. I
lie face down on the rock and reach over the edge. Thankfully the shelf
isn't too high above the waterline, and I am able to reach it from this
position. I thoroughly rinse out the clothes, while constantly sniffing
them to ensure all the urine has been flushed out. Once satisfied they are
clean, I stand back up and lay the clothes out on the rock to dry.

Callum is still standing in the same place as I have left him whilst I
cleaned out our clothes. He is looking very glum, and I can tell that he is
on the verge of bawling his eyes out all over again. The loss of Pierre has
cut him up a lot more than I ever realised, and for once I am probably
handling it better than him. I don't know how, it must be that I am falling
back into the strong bigger brother role, but I am feeling even worse than
he looks. It really is hard, and seeing Callum that way just makes things
even harder on me.

"Well are you going to get in the water to clean yourself, or will I have
to push you in?" I ask Callum. I try to say it in a joking voice, but it
doesn't really come out that way. Callum just shrugs his shoulders, as he
really doesn't care either way. He would have preferred not to be thinking
about going home at all. I go over and wrap my arms around him again, while
I am again standing behind him. I feels a bit strange as I have never
hugged Callum like this while we were both naked, except in the bath, but
it still feels like I am doing what a big brother should be doing.

"Josh, how do you do it? I mean going back home every time you ran away. I
just don't know whether I can go through with it. I don't want to see mum
ever again! That bitch has ruined both of our lives." Callum mumbles to
me. He starts to cry again, as his emotions takes control of him. I pull
him as close to me as I can, and hug him tighter. I don't know how to
answer this, as there is only ever one reason for me ever going back home
and that is Callum, but I can't use that as he is with me. I need to try to
convince him that it is the right thing to do, and that is what makes it
worse as I really don't know how to do it.

"To be honest Callum, the only reason I always came back home was because
you were there. If it wasn't for you I never would have gone back. It is
the reason we need to go back today, as I have vowed to protect you, and I
know that I can't do that out here. There are too many things that are out
of my control if we stay away from home, and I don't want you getting
hurt." I answer to Callum as I finally work out what to say. I am
completely honest with him, as it is the only way that I could really think
of to answer his question. He now seems to understand why I think we need
to go home, but he is still reluctant to do anything.

"Oh... I still don't want to go back. I know we have to, but I can't bring
myself around to do it." Callum mutters. He turns around to face me, and
latches onto me for dear life while burying his head in my shoulder as he
cries even harder. I am in tears again too, as seeing him so upset is
taking its toll on me. Not to mention that I am still feeling very cut up
at losing Pierre. It really is the most unbearable situation I have ever
been in, and I don't know as to how much more of this I can take. I have to
try to stay brave for Callum, but it is getting exceedingly difficult to
do.

"I know it's hard, but we both have to do it. We have to try to live our
life as normally as possible, or else mum wins in the end." I sob to
Callum. I feel his head nod, as he understands what I mean. We stay
embraced like that for a while, as neither of us want to let the other
go. We both also need to shake our misery as much as possible, which is
really an impossible task but we still try.

It is Callum who releases me from the hug first, which sort of surprises
me, as he is the reason we started hugging again in the first place. I can
tell that he still isn't ready to go home, but he is trying to force
himself to see the sense in it. I am having second thoughts about it, but I
am too worried about Callum not to go through with it. I can't let him
starve to death just because we are angry at mum, as that will make me feel
even worse. It is hard enough on me seeing Callum so upset with everything,
and I am feeling really guilty for allowing it to happen. I know that
Callum doesn't blame me in the slightest, but it doesn't help with how I
feel about it. My whole mission in life is to keep him safe and happy and I
feel that I have let him down.

"Well let's get cleaned up... then we can think bout... um... well you know
what you think we should do." Callum stutters. He then releases me
completely, and shrugs himself free from my grasp before jumping into the
ocean.

Once I finally snap back into reality and realise that Callum has already
jumped into the water, I follow suit. The water is gorgeously warm, much
warmer than what is normal for any time of year. It is just a pity that
neither of us really enjoys it, like we should have been. All we do in the
water is rinse off our bodies, trying to remove all my dried up piss. I
sort of want to try and force Callum to have some fun, but every time that
I consider it, I am overcome by guilt. I just can't bring myself to have
fun knowing Pierre isn't here to enjoy it too.

Callum is thinking the same thing. It is strange for the little boy as
usually being in the sea is something that he really enjoys, but today it
just feels like a chore. He knows that he has to just continue to live his
life like nothing has happened, but he just can't do it. He feels like he
has just lost a brother, and that he will never get to see him again, so
having fun just feels wrong. He has never felt this way before, as whenever
something bad has happened I have still been around for him. This time even
though I am still around, it feels like he has lost half his family.

We only spend about ten minutes in the water before we climb back onto the
rock shelf. Even with how warm the water is Callum still has his usual
problem, as his tiny little balls have contracted right up into his warm
body. Callum is far too depressed to care, and it is only me who is able to
see him like that anyway. We lie down on the shelf, and let the sun dry our
bodies for us. After a while the warmth of the sun has made Callum's balls
come back out to say hello, but neither of us notice.

Once we have dried off we get back into our clothes. Callum is really
starting to look scared, and he is on the verge of panicking. He really
doesn't want to face mum. I hug him again trying to ease his fears, but
with the way he holds me as tight as he can I know that I am not
succeeding. I try to pull us apart so that we can start to make our way
back, but it is impossible as Callum refuses to let me go. I put my hand up
the back of his shirt and start to stroke his back. I feel him start to
relax, but he still won't relinquish the hold he has on me.

"Come on Callum, I know you don't want to, but we have to." I say to him
after a while. I know that it is starting to get late in the afternoon now,
as the sun is getting significantly lower in the sky. Callum is still
reluctant to release his grip on me, but slowly he does let me go.

Once he has finally removed his arms from me, I take his fragile little
hand and hold it. We walk back along the rock shelf towards town holding
hands. I want Callum to know that I am going to go with him, and that I am
not going to run away from him again. He holds my hand as tight as he can,
as he is still scared that I might try to ditch him, but mainly because he
is scared about going back.

Somehow we manage to walk all the way along the shelf, and scramble across
the rocks without releasing each other's hand. It is a long and arduous
journey which is made even worse by our reluctance to go back home. But
eventually we make it back to the beach, by this stage the sun is getting
very low in the sky meaning we have probably about another hour before it
gets dark.

Once back on the beach our walking doesn't increase in pace, no it slows
down further instead. I can feel Callum starting to try and pull me in the
opposite direction, so I hold his hand tighter and continue in the same
direction. He fights with me for a couple of minutes but he relinquishes
his struggle knowing I am not going to cave in. We are getting so close to
home, now I can see the sand dune that we usually use to check the surf
from.

My stomach is in knots, and I am actually starting to feel physically ill
at the realisation that I am going through with this, and shortly I will be
facing my mother. Callum is all green in the face, and he is holding his
stomach. I know that he is feeling the same way, but I am not going to give
in. I know that he is starving, as I know that my body is telling me the
same thing. Well it would be telling me that I'm hungry, if I let it. Then
the worst thing happens, and we nearly both end up running back to the rock
shelf.

Mum has been really worried all day. She didn't think that we would stay
away this long. She is nervous and agitated. She just can't sit still. She
spends the whole day going up the sand dunes and looking down the beach,
then walking back across our yard to the road, to see if we are coming that
way. Every so often she walks down the road and loops back home via the
beach to see if she can see any sign of us.

It is getting really late in the day and she is now really considering
ringing the police, but first she thinks that she better take one last
look. You know just encase. She has just climbs the sand dunes, and can see
two little figures heading along the beach. She rubs her eyes to make sure
that she is actually seeing what she thinks she is seeing.

It is mum that we see, and she comes running down the sand dunes towards
us. Callum really starts to panic, and is fighting as hard as he can to get
away. I don't know why but I just won't let him. I really want to run away
again too, but something inside me tells me `no,' and that this is the best
thing to do. So I hold Callum a tight as I can, preventing him from
running. He eventually gives up the fight, but collapses to the sand and
starts crying all over again.

He is a wreck, and just can't control his emotions. It cuts me up again, as
I hate seeing him so upset. It is completely devastating to me. I pull him
back up off the sand and hug him tightly, by this time mum has made it over
to us. She is red in the face, and sweating from the run. She has a
relieved look on her face, as she comes over and latches onto both of us in
a hug.

"Fuck off you bitch! I don't want to see you again." Callum screams. It
surprises the hell out of both mum and I. Mum had been expecting that
response, but from me, not Callum. She is now really starting to realise
just how much Pierre means to Callum as well as me, but she can't do
anything about it now as it is all too late.

"I'm really sorry, I really am. But once Pierre's uncle decided that he
wanted custody I really had no option but to let him go. Please you have to
believe me. I am really sorry." Mum says, as she burst into tears. I had
expected this from mum, but I am still too pissed off with her. I had
decided before we even started to head home that I am going to give her the
silent treatment, and I am sticking to my guns.

Callum latches onto me tighter, he still can't bring himself to accept mums
apology, let alone believe what she has told him. Callum doesn't say
anything back to her, as he hates confrontation because it always leads to
fighting. This is the reason I am so surprised that he talked to mum the
way he did, as it really is out of character for him. It is the first time
I have ever heard Callum talk to anyone is such a tone, and it sort of
scared me.

Seeing how uncomfortable Callum is with mum being around I shrug off her
hug, and quickly lead Callum back to the house. It is a huge battle
especially trying to get Callum over the sand dunes, and to make matters
worse mum tries to help. She just doesn't get the point that neither of us
want to see her. Each time she tries to help it just makes things worse, as
Callum resists more and more. I am at the point of snapping at mum, but I
know that will only upset Callum further, so I just can't do it. It really
is a lose - lose situation.

Eventually I manage to get Callum over the dunes and into the house. I lead
him through the house to our room and sit him down on his bed. Mum has
followed us all the way trying to help. But I think that she is finally
starting to get the point, when neither of us even looks at her. We make
sure that we have our backs to her all the time, well when it is
possible. Once I have Callum settled I barge my way past mum and out to the
kitchen. Mum takes that as the final hint and leaves the room. I think she
is really upset with the way we have shunned her, but we don't care in the
slightest.

I can smell food, so check the oven. Mum has cooked us tea, and left it in
the oven at a low heat, to keep it warm. I grab a couple of tea towels and
take them out of the oven. I take out some cutlery before carrying the
plates through to our room one plate at a time. We are breaking mum's rules
by eating in our bedroom, but neither of us care. We eat our food in
silence. I don't think either of us realised quite how famished we were, as
our plates are completely empty within minutes. The food is horrible, worse
than usual but we are far too hungry to care.

Once Callum has finished he puts his plate on the floor and curls himself
up on the bed. I get off my bed and pick his plate up, then place both of
our plates on Callum's drawers. There is no way that I am going to risk
walking into mum by taking the plates through to the kitchen. I then go
over to my own drawers to grab a diaper, as I don't want to take the risk
of wetting the bed. I quickly change and hop into my own bed, and pull up
my sheet. I am just about asleep when I feel Callum slip into bed beside
me. He cuddles up to me and promptly falls asleep. It doesn't take me long
to follow him.

My sleep doesn't last long, as Callum's comfort just isn't enough to
prevent my night terrors. I relive the horrible event which has plagued my
life, all over again. There is nothing I can do, as per usual I am
completely paralyzed in fear. I am really glad that I have put on the
diaper, as I feel my body relinquish control to the terror. The only thing
that my body will allow me to do is cry, and cry I do.

I sort of hope that it will wake Callum up so that he can comfort me, but
he is such a deep sleeper that I know that it isn't going to happen. It
sort of makes me happy not waking Callum as I know how much he needs to
sleep, but I long for someone to comfort me in my time of need.

I spend the rest of the night wrestling with my mind. I am trying to think
about something happy like the good times I have had with Pierre, but it
doesn't work. Dad just stands in the doorway all night with that hideous
huge stiffie standing out. By the morning I am shaking uncontrollably and I
am drenched in sweat. At least this time I haven't pissed on my brother,
but I only have my diaper to thank for that. I am back to where I was
before Pierre had come into my life, and again I get no sleep. I am feeling
all washed out and drained, and really wish that a miracle will come around
and make me happy again.

The sun has started to rise, casting a blue light through our room. It sort
of reflects the mood which we are feeling. With the sun rising dad
disappears and I am finally able to move again. I am feeling so tired that
I am considering trying to get some sleep, but that idea is short lived
when I feel Callum start to stir. I look down to my cute little blonde
haired brother and watch him wake up. His short stubby nose starts to
twitch like it is itchy or something. His eyelids start to flutter as he
tries to wrench them open.

It takes a good five minutes before he finally opens his eyes properly. His
blue eyes have lost their sparkle. In fact they seem to have lost all their
lustre. Instead they look all sad and lonely, which makes me feel the same
way. Again I start to feel guilty, as I have failed to protect him from the
horrible world. I know it isn't something that I can control in the
slightest, but I still feel guilty about it.

My heart melts when Callum looks up to me and I see his thin dull red lips
try to produce a smile. It is a very weak smile, but a smile all the
same. It hurts to see him so depressed, so seeing him attempt to smile
means that he is going in the right direction. I want to see him bouncing
off the walls with excitement all over again, as when he is happy, life is
bearable. But I know it isn't going to be a quick fix to bring Callum back
to life, a smile is a good start though.

"Thank you for letting me sleep with you. I needed your company, or I would
have cried all night. I still really miss Pierre... How do I make the pain
go away?" Callum asks in a croaky voice, as he is still in the process in
waking up. I feel a stinging in my eyes from the salty tears welling up in
them, after hearing him say that. He really upset me with his admission. I
mean I know he is feeling that way, but to hear him actually say it is so
hard to take.

"If I knew how to make the pain go, then I would be a lot happier
myself. It will eventually fade, but don't make the same mistakes that I
have. I want you to try to live your life as normally as possible, and
don't shut everyone out. Trust me it is hard but you can get through it,
because you are so much stronger than I am." I tell Callum. I then embrace
him in a hug, as we both cry again.

We stay in our room all day comforting each other. Mum tries to come in and
see us, but we give her the cold shoulder each time. It feels so strange
giving her the silent treatment for once, as I'm so used to yelling at her,
and letting her know how I feel, that this feels wrong. But I think it is
working, as each time she comes in, the look of guilt on her face becomes
more and more evident. I don't feel guilty about how we are treating her,
and I don't think Callum is either. We both fully believed that she has
bought all this on herself.

The longer the day wears on, the more Callum seems to come back. Slowly he
starts to smile properly again, and the sparkle is slowly returning to his
eyes. The problem is as he recovers from his depression, I feel like I am
falling headfirst, deeper into mine. I have achieved what I needed to, by
bringing Callum back to his normal chirpy self, that my mind finally has
the chance to finally take over. By the end of the day I feel like a thick
black fog has engulfed me.

The only times we leave the room all day is to shower, and eat. After my
shower I can't be bothered getting changed, so when I leave the room I just
wrap my towel around my waist. Mum doesn't look very impressed about me
walking around virtually naked but she bites her tongue. I couldn't give a
shit about what she thinks anyway. Callum does get changed as he doesn't
want another encounter with mum, especially after having been caught a
while ago.

The longer the day goes on, the less I leave the room, but Callum takes my
place by leaving the room more often as he comes out of his depression. By
dinner time I refuse to leave the room again, so Callum has to get our
dinner for us. We have tea again in our room again, much to mum's disgust
but again she doesn't say anything about it. She just sneaks in and gets
our dirty dishes at some stage during the night.

Between my deep depression, and my night terrors I have the worst night in
my life. The image of dad is made even worse by the black fog that
surrounds me. It seems to be much more real, almost as if I am back at
where it all began. I even feel the agonizing pain all over again, but dad
never moves from the doorway. I swear that I can feel the blood pouring
from my body, but I quickly realised what the wet sensation that I am
feeling, really is. It is a horrible night and it just seems to drag on and
on. At some stage I think that I hear the phone ringing which I think is
really strange, as the phone has never rung during my terrors before.

"Josh, Callum wake up. We have to get ready to go, and quick!" Mum shouts
as she crashes through the door and turns on the light. Her face looks
white as a ghost, and her eyes have a scared and petrified look to them. I
know she has just been given some terrible news. The noise she makes as she
smashes into the room snaps me out of my night terror instantly, but I am
still shaking and drenched in sweat.

"What... what the hell... I mean what happened." Callum stutters as he
tries to wake up. His eyes are still half closed, as the bright light has a
blinding effect on him. As his eyes slowly adjust to the light he opens
them fully. He stretches out, and then tries to rub the sleep from his
eyes.

"I just had a call from witness protection. It's your dad... he's... he's
escaped, we have to get ready to go quick." Mum says. My body trembles even
worse now, and I can feel the fear trying to take over. If I don't get out
of bed quick then I will be stuck. Callum hides under his covers. He can't
handle it, as it is the second piece of terrible news that he has been
given in too shorter time.

Mum rushes over to Callum and pulls him out of bed. She stands him up and
hugs him. Tears are streaming down both of their cheeks as the situation is
not what they had wanted. She whispers to Callum to hurry up and get
showered and changed, and then just to grab anything that he feels is
important. We are going to leave everything else behind.

Mum then comes over and pulls me out of bed. I am a lot harder for her to
get out, as my body has become paralysed with fear all over again. Mum
knows why I am so hard to get up, as she knows what I go through each
night. It makes her cry even harder, seeing me paralysed like that. Once
she has got me out of bed, she then tells me to give Callum a hand and to
get myself ready. She gives me a quick hug too, but I don't hug her
back. It is all her fault all of this is happening anyway.

Callum is still anchored in the same spot that mum had left him in, and he
is now shaking uncontrollably. I go up to him and get behind him. Placing
my hands on his shoulder and gently push him to get him moving, and then
guide him through to the bathroom, stopping only to get a couple of towels
from the linen closet. Once in the bathroom I start the shower running and
adjust the temperature. Callum still hasn't moved a muscle so I know that I
am going to have to strip him too.

I quickly rip off my diaper and throw it in the rubbish, then proceeded to
strip Callum. I pull his summer pyjama top up and over his head. Callum
does help by lifting his arms to make it easier. I dump his top on the
floor and then start on his PJ shorts. I am not too surprised to see them
tented up. I know that I should have taken him to the toilet first, but hey
we aren't going to be using the shower here again, so I figure he can just
pee in there.

I pull down his PJ shorts exposing his cute little 1 ¼ inch stiffie,
again his pink glans are exposed out the end of his foreskin. I am always
fascinated by the way it points out at a 90 degree angle, which sort of
makes it look a little longer. He steps out of his shorts and I help him to
get under the torrent of warm water gushing from the showerhead. Once he is
under the steady stream of water I tell him to take a piss. Wow the river
of piss that erupts from the pee slit in his dick, easily matches that
coming from the shower. I am starting to wonder whether he had taken a piss
at all yesterday. His piss seems to last forever. But as it slowly fades to
a dribble his stiffie slowly deflates back to its normal soft size.

Once Callum has finished taking a leak, he starts shaking again. I quickly
embrace him in a cuddle and stroke his stomach. He is terrified as I can
see it in his eyes. This is the first time that we have had a real threat
from dad since they put him back in prison. In fact it has been so long
since dad has tried anything that we had almost forgotten the threat he
is. Now everything seems to have caught up with us, and my little brother
isn't coping with it one little bit.

"What will he do to us if he catches us?" Callum asks. His voice is a bit
squeaky and it is wavering from the overwhelming fear his is feeling. He
just can't get back in control of his emotions and is starting to tremble
even worse now. The colour has drained from his face, and he is struggling
to hold back the tears. I hug him tighter, but it does little to calm him.

"Look you don't have anything to worry about. I won't let dad lay a finger
on you, so you will be perfectly safe. You should know that I wouldn't let
that arsehole hurt you, now stop worrying about it." I reply sincerely to
my brother. He knows that I won't let dad do anything to him, but that
isn't what his problem is.

"I know that you won't let dad hurt me. But I don't... I don't want... I
don't want to see you get hurt again. It's just so hard... coz I can still
see all those other beatings dad gave you... I can't make the images go
away." Callum blubbers. He then fully loses control of his emotions and
bawls his eyes out.

I am dumbstruck as I have never thought about the effect my beatings has
had on him. I thought that I was protecting him, but in some ways I think
it just hurts him more. I squeeze the life out of him with my hug, as I try
to hug him as tight as possible. He starts to splutter which makes me
realise that I am probably hugging him too tightly, as I ease back just a
little. I give my cute little brother a kiss on his forehead, to reinforce
how much I love him.

"Look you don't have anything to worry about. Dad won't find us, witness
protection will..."

"Josh, stop telling me what you think that I want to hear. I want you to
promise me that if dad finds us that you will run away, and take me with
you. I couldn't bear to see you get hurt again... I've seen you get... get
hurt too many times... I don't want you to fight with dad... I want you to
promise me that you will run. Promise me!" Callum interrupts almost
screaming at me. His emotions are shot to pieces, and he is still crying
heavily. He is really scared of dad, but not because dad might hurt
him. No, he was worried about me instead. I start to cry along with him.

"I promise that we will run away if dad finds us." I sob to Callum, who
promptly turns around and hugs me back.

"Thank you." Callum replies to me. It is all that he wants to hear. We
stand for a while longer hugging each other with the warm water from the
shower still cascading over our naked bodies.

I give Callum another peck on the forehead, and then release him from my
embrace. He knows that we had better get a move on, so he lets me go as
well. I grab the soap and lather my brother up. I got the usual reaction
from him when I clean his little dickie. Callum giggles a little seeing his
1 ¼ inch stiffie, which causes me to smile. I am so glad to hear his
childish laugh that it really does warm my heart to hear it. He seems to be
coming right, albeit slowly. But as they say good things take time.

I finish soaping Callum up, and proceed to clean myself whilst he rinses
off. Once he is clean he hops out of the shower and dries off, before
scurrying back to our room to get changed. I have now finished rinsing off
and turn off the shower before hopping out. I grab the spare towel and
thoroughly dry my glistening clean body. I wrap the towel around my waist
and head to my room to change.

Callum has already changed and left, by the time I have made it to our
room. Without him in there I am suddenly overcome by a deep dark feeling of
loneliness. My depression is taking control again, now that I have nothing
more important to concentrate on. I take my time getting changed before I
look around trying to decide what I want to take. I go over to my desk and
open the draw. I rummage through the drawer to see if there is anything
important in there, and that's when I come across the article again.

***

"Shit... what the... where am I?" I ask no one in particular. I think I
have just blinked, as I tell Sarah about what happened to Pierre. But I am
not still out in the field, and my eyes are still too out of focus to work
out where I am.

"You're back in the car. You feel asleep while trying to tell me what
happened to Pierre. Callum had to finish the story for you, before we both
carried you back to the car." My sister explains to me. I am a bit
surprised to hear that I had fallen asleep, as that doesn't happen often
enough. But what catches me off guard the most is that my sister actually
helped me. It is a miracle, one that I never thought I would ever see. My
eyes were now starting to focus again and I can see the interior of the car
to reinforce what my sister has told me. It is now that I also realise that
my little brother is clinging onto me.

Now that I am awake again, Callum clings onto me even tighter. I have
scared him all over again, and he wants to make sure that I won't run off
without him again. He has his head buried on my shoulder, which feels a
little damp. It is now that I realise that he is crying. Waves of guilt
swamp me, and I hug Callum into me more. I have let him down again and it
is tearing me apart.

"I'm sorry Callum. I didn't mean to run off without you." I sob.

"I know, but you had... you had me worried. I don't want you to get hurt
anymore. Please don't do that again." Callum sobs to me. He doesn't lift
his head off my shoulder so his words are a bit muffled. I start to stroke
his back as he sobs harder. I have really scared him this time, and with
everything else that has gone on he is at the end of his tether. Pierre
getting taken away, then us having to move, and not to mention all the
incidents with me, have all taken their toll on the young boy. He is almost
at breaking point, and I just keep pushing him closer to it.

I try to comfort him as best as I can, but too much has happened. It is
going to be a long hard slog to get Callum out of the deep dark hole that
he is in. but I will do everything that I can to get him out. I know how
hard it is, as I have been trying to dig my way out of that same hole. But
the more that I dig the deeper I seem to get. I am just hoping that I can
at least pull Callum out, even if I get stuck in my hole even longer.

Sarah has been watching from the front passenger's side seat. She really
can't believe how close we are, but it doesn't ease her concerns at
all. After having heard about Pierre and having seen the toll him leaving
has taken on both of us, she is really worried about our wellbeing. The
thing that worries her most is from hearing that severe depression can lead
to a mental breakdown, and she can see the early signs of it, in both of
us. She genuinely wants to help us, but knows that she will have to rebuild
our trust first.

Mum on the other hand doesn't seem to notice how bad we are in the
slightest. She has been so used to seeing me this way that it is nothing
new to her. She also looks like she is pissed off about something, which
makes her care less about how we are feeling. She can be really selfish
when things don't go her way, and that is half the problem I have with her.

I just sit there with Callum clinging to me tightly. I am now looking out
the window trying to get my bearings. It is almost dark outside which
doesn't help me to work out where we are. We are just passing through a
little town called Motonui. It is little more than a blot on the landscape,
and I have never heard of the place before. So I am completely lost, with
no idea what region we are even in. We just seem to be continuously
following the black ribbon of asphalt, going wherever it takes us.

We all sit in silence. The silence is eerie and tense, as everyone is just
too scared to say anything from fear of upsetting someone. Callum is still
clinging to me, and his head is still buried into my shoulder. I am
starting to wonder whether he is awake or not. There seems to be light
appearing in the distance, which I am hoping will give me a chance to work
out where we are. The answer comes shortly after I notice the distant aura
of light, as we pass a big green sign. The sign tells me that there is a
turnoff to a town called Waitara, coming up. Under that it says New
Plymouth 16km. Finally I know where we are and where we are heading.

We are in the Taranaki region, and I am a little disappointed. As it is
dark I have no chance of seeing the magnificent standalone cone shaped
mountain that is Mt Taranaki. I have seen loads of pictures of it, but have
never seen it in person. I am actually sort of hoping that we are moving to
New Plymouth, as it's a really good surf city. The whole of the region is
famous for its surf breaks, so it would be wicked to live here.

As we are cruising under the yellow glow from the sodium streetlights on
the Waitara bypass, I notice something that I hadn't before. Ahead of us is
a black Holden Commodore, and behind us we are being followed by a grey
Ford Falcon. We seem to be travelling in convoy, which would explain why
mum hasn't told us where we are going, as she doesn't know herself. The
other cars are part of the witness protection unit that has been assigned
to us.

I had thought that it was a bit strange that we were travelling on our own,
but I now realise that we haven't been. We have been under close watch from
our protection agents. I feel a bit embarrassed and ashamed as I realise
that they have had to put up with all my antics. But it is short lived as
these guys know everything about me, and they have been informed of all the
potential reactions they are likely to encounter from me. It does leave me
wondering how they manage to stick with us, as we have taken a couple of
detours which won't have been on their agenda. Somehow they must have known
where mum needs to go, so she must somehow be in contact with them.

I have grown to like the agents who have been assigned to look after
us. They have never judged me over what I have been through. Instead they
have treated me like a normal kid, despite my constant outbursts. But they
haven't done it in a patronizing sort of way. No, they have treated with
the sort of respect that any kid deserves. They have almost become like
proper fathers to me, as I know that they will protect me to the hilt. Yes
I am aware that it is their job, but I almost get the feeling that they
will do it anyway.

It is dark again now that we have completely passed Waitara, but the lights
of New Plymouth can now be seen illuminating the sky. The closer we get to
the city the brighter the aura over the city becomes. All of a sudden the
darkness disappears completely and is replaced by bright yellow
streetlights. We have just entered Bell Block the eastern most suburb of
New Plymouth. We followed the main drag through the suburbs heading towards
the city centre. At one point we strike a Y intersection, with the road
going off to the left heading towards the city centre, and the other
veering off towards the suburbs of Fitzroy and East End.

The black Holden takes the right and we follow heading into Fitzroy, the
most famous beachside suburb in the city. I am actually starting to feel
excited as it means that we are most likely going to be living here. My
excitement grows as we turn off the main road and start to wind our way
through the suburban streets. Even Callum has lifted his head up, and
starts to smile, as he even knows where we are.

We pull up in front of a pretty modern looking house. It is clad with
weatherboards and is painted an off white colour. It has a red colour steel
roof, complete with chimney for the cold winter days. The property is
surrounded by a medium height solid concrete fence which has been painted
in a cream colour. Off to the side of the house is an internal access
garage. It looks huge, almost as big as the previous house we had been
living in. It is a steel double garage which has been painted in the same
colour as the house.

The driveway and pathway have matching blue cast iron gates. In front of
the house the yard is pretty basic as most of it is nicely manicured lawn,
but there are a couple of little planter boxes on each side of the path
leading up to the front door. Inside the planter boxes are a various
assortment of pretty looking flowers', which actually look healthy. Well at
least until mum starts to look after them, as she really isn't a gardener.

The house is about halfway down a small cul-de-sac which has a little
roundabout at the end to allow you to turn around safely. Most of the
houses on the street are pretty new, with a couple of older almost colonial
style buildings in between. All the houses and yards are well maintained,
and beam out the pride the owners have for them. The street is lined with
evergreen trees which just add to the beautiful safe look of the area. I
like the look of the place, but I think that I still prefer the old place
up at Taupo Bay.

We park on the side of the road in-between the two government cars. The
agents get out, and do a thorough search of the area to make sure it is
clear. Then they come over to our car and open the doors. They then make us
all get out, and escort us into the house. Their guns are drawn and held in
a ready to shoot position the whole time. This is all new to me as when we
came into the program dad was already back in jail, so they were a lot more
casual about it then. Now that he has escaped again, they are on full
alert, and it makes me feel a little nervous.

Once we are safely in the house the two agents from the grey ford leave and
take up their position at the end of the street. They will stay there
guarding the only access into the street until they are relieved with a
fresh set of agents. The only people who will be allowed into the street
are the other residents. Anyone else will have to go through a whole lot of
crap, similar to that at some border crossings in the world.

The remaining two agents now holster their weapons and lead us through the
hall and into the lounge which is the first door on the right as you enter
the house. Between the hall and the lounge I don't get a good feel about
the place. Real estate agents would call it light, bright and airy, but I
would call it bland, sterile and dull. It doesn't have any character to it,
unlike the older house we had been living in. There are none of those fancy
looking mouldings skirting the ceilings and the floors, no, there is just
no character at all.

Like our previous place this one is fully furnished. The furnishings are
like the house, chic, modern, but have no character. But it is comfortable,
pretty big, but most importantly it feels safe. The walls are all painted
in a cream sort of off white colour. On the walls hang four paintings,
which are hideous modern abstract pictures, which I personally hate.

The lounge has two lazy boy armchairs, and a huge four person couch, all
made of leather and a light tan sort of colour. The seating surrounds a
glass top coffee table, which looks really nice with its wooden
frame. There is a full entertainment system complete with 73" TV. In one
corner is a modern design bookcase painted white, but it is full of books
some of which look interesting. In the other is a modern looking
fireplace. Other than that there is very little to fill such a large room.

There is a large entranceway in one of the walls which leads through to the
kitchen - diner. There is a huge rectangular dining room table made from
Mahogany. It looks pretty wicked. It is surrounded by six matching Oak
chairs, and there is still plenty of space to add more if you need to. On
the far side of the table is a breakfast bar, which is adjoined to a large
modern kitchen.

The bench tops are all white, made from some cheap laminate product most
likely. The cupboards are the same laminate product as the bench top, but
they actually have a bit of colour to them, a dull yellow, but it is better
than no colour at all. The kitchen is fitted with the most modern of
kitchen appliances, as you would expect. But yet again there is no wow
factor to the place, which makes me appreciate the cosy little cottage we
had been living in before, even more.

One of the remaining two agents takes his place at the entrance to the
hall, while the other takes a seat in an armchair along with mum. The agent
in the chair starts to explain all what we are going to need to know, as
well as briefing us on the latest with dad. No news on that front, he seems
to have vanished off the face of the world. The agent then hands mum a
completely new set of documentation, you know ID, birth certificates,
etc. We find out that even though we are under high alert we are still
expected to go to school, and continue life as normally as possible. The
difference this time is that we will have agents monitoring us every time
we leave the house.

The only real change for Callum and me is that our last name has now been
changed to Baker.

************

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