Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 08:27:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: mkrann@yahoo.com
Subject: We Boyz

Damn!!!

     Alarm clock signals another day in my hood.  I wish I didn't live here
in these projects. Not because I don't like my home, but my neighbors argue
to damn loud and they fuck even louder. My moms is hooking it up in the
kitchen...bacon, eggs, and grits.

Yeah..it's defintely time to get my ass up.

     Go pee this morning hard on off. Take a cold shower to wake the fuck
up, and go eat. Glad I did my homework in school yesterday or I would be
rushing. Oh damn! By the way, my name is Roland. I am 13 years of age , 5'4
and 150lbs. I have a nicely toned body. I got long brown hair hanging a
little beyond my shoulders. I have a nature boy look. I am mixed and
sometimes I feel out of place living in Flag projects. My pops is a white
man who I have never known, but that's another issue that I don't feel like
dealing with. If asked what race I am..I say black. I am not ashamed, but I
still hate these projects. I am always in a fight, and I have only one
friend. Not because I am not popular, but I don't like all that drama that
fake ass people bring. You may say damn...he speaks like an older person,
but situations make me talk like this. Back to my best friend. His name is
Terry. Terry is cool as shit. He looks like a miniature Tupac Shakur.

     Terry and I had a peculiar friendship. He was like my big brother.
Every since the first time I got jumped by a group of boys who thought I
was white. He came to my side and helped me out, and we have been cool
every since. We walked to school together, and we walked home together
everyday unless he had basketball practice or I had piano practice. Yeah, I
play the piano, but I still be holding my own when it comes to scrapping.
Anyway Terry and I are polar opposites. I am lite bright almost white' and
he is chocolate. I like R-n-B, and he likes hiphop/rap. I fight when I have
to, he fights whenever he wants to. I am primarily a quiet person. He is as
loud and as bossy as they come. He is 15 years old, 5'8" and about 175lbs
of boy muscle (definitely got a body for a weight lifter.)  He is
aggressive and I am passive.

     Anyway... this week was no ordinary week. We both were walking home
and I ran into my rival Anthony Williams. Anthony was the class President
(and the class ass) and he made me sick. He lived in Latrobe projects which
is about eight blocks or more away from where I live.  We would always
compete and he always found a way to out do me at every thing. Back in the
day, me and Anthony used to be cool until he read my journal one day. I
wrote some dumb ass shit about him. In one particular entry, I had wrote
him a letter stating that I had a crush on him when I was in the 4th
grade. I never intended on letting anyone read that letter...especially
him. He told the whole damn class, and we got into this big fight. He gave
me a black eye, and I busted his nose. I will never forget how angry I was
when I found out he told. Every since then we have had an ongoing rivalry,
and he continues to get popular while I stay the same. So as usual we
exchanged stares...then he called me a bitch. I felt like fucking him up
anyway so I kicked his ass. This was the first time I actually beat him
without him giving me a challenge. I wore his ass out, and then me and
Terry ran home. We laughed about how he was screaming when I beat the shit
out of him. Then we wrestled for a while practicing new moves I could use
on him the next time we saw each other. That's when it first occured.

     Terry had me in a lock that placed his groin against my buttocks.
Although I continued to wrestle, I was fully aroused. I began to
intentionally press up against his dick but I kept up a front like I was
wrestling. In order to keep him from noticing my aroused state, I let him
pin me. Afterwards, we got some snacks and played my Sony Playstation. At
about 10 o'clock, he left and went to his place on the 10th floor. I was
thinking about what happened earlier, and that was some scary shit. I
didn't want me and Terry to be beefing, and I definitley didn't need him
telling everybody I was gay. I knew that I was different a while ago. I
just never confronted it, because of my ignorant ass mother who would
probably knock the fuck out of me if she found out that I was gay. Big
Diane is cool and all, but she is from the old school. She one of them
Malcolm X...Black Panther type of moms. I could see her trying to beat me
straight. So you know I had to be real careful about the shit I said and
did around her. I had a lot going on in my head when I went to sleep. I
guess it's that puberty stuff coach be talking about. I think that's what I
am going through. I wonder if Terry was experiencing the same shit.

     The next day kicked off the same way...only this time I had cereal for
breakfast. Frosted Flakes is the shit. I be telling my moms to hook me up
with three big ass boxes of Frosted Flakes...yah mean. Anyway Terry and I
walked to school as usual. We were tripping. We were discussing the type of
mutant power we would possess if we had powers. I wanted my powers to be
like Professor X, and Terry's ass wanted to be like Wolverine. The only
reason I picked Professor X was because he could read peoples mind and move
things with a thought. We were laughing and fighting like we were mutants
all the way until we reached the school.  When I arrived at school, I had a
note in my locker that fell out. Terry tried to snatch it away from me, but
I was too quick for him. Boy, I am glad he didn't get the letter. That
would have been some shit, because it was a love letter. And it wasn't from
a girl either...at least I don't think it is. I read the letter and almost
passed out, because this had never happened to me before.  It read:

I see you all the time, but you don't know me. I know that you are gay, and
I like you. Everytime I see you I get nervous, so I don't speak. I will
write you tomorrow. Eventually I will say was sup.

One Love.

     Terry begged for the letter, and I refused to show it to him. So he
got mad and went to class without me. After school, I waited for him but I
guess he was still mad at me. We went through these phases once a month,
and I would eventually come to him and pacify his punk ass. I walked home
by myself. I have to admit Terry did have a right to be mad at me. I am
usually always in his business, but I couldn't tell his ass that a guy sent
me a love note. After analyzing the letter...I came to the conclusion that
someone was just fucking with my head. I threw the letter away, and I ended
the day with sleep.

     The next day moms was already gone to work when I woke up. I was late
and Terry was still mad at me cause he would have woke my ass up in time
for school. I showered and grabbed a pop tart, and rushed to school. As
soon as I opened my locker the smell of cologne hit my nose. It smelled
like someone had emptied a cologne bottle in my locker. There on the floor
was another letter. I sniffed the envelop ( Cool Water...I could rub the
letter around my body then I would be smelling like a playa) then I began
to read the note:

I figured you would get here on time today so I left this one yesteday. I
enjoy watching you. I wanted to talk to you, but you were so occupied with
Terry I decided not too. I bet you are soft like cotton. Your skin is so
damn smoothe. It looks like vanilla. I always think of you when I see you.
Well I 'll be checkin you out.

One Love, Baby Boy.

     Now this was some wierd shit. This letter made me feel like a bitch. I
frowned because I was actually turned on and blushing. I had never felt so
gay in my life. He said I was 'soft and smoothe.' Yuk! I kept that letter,
but I made a vow to hide it.

"What's that you reading?" Terry asked startling me.

"Shit, you scared me.  What the fuck you creepin for?" I asked.

"I ain't creeping, and was sup with you? Why you late?" he asked.

"Cause your punk ass ain't come pass this morning. Acting all bitchified
cause I ain't let you read that letter. All it was...was a letter from some
girl who like me...but it was whack so I ain't let you read it", I
explained.

"Well all you had to do was say that then...you ain't have to be all quiet
bout it", he said looking innocent. But I knew what he was thinking. He
knew that I would not be mad at his ass for acting like a baby.

"Aww shut up", I said pushing him. Then I put him in the head lock, and
drug him to homeroom.

     Everything was going good until lunch. I was sitting at my lunch table
with Terry, chillin, when Anthony walked pass and pushed me while I was
drinking my milk. Milk spilled every where on me. Before I knew it, I was
smacking him with my lunch tray. My day started to go downhill from that
moment. I was suspended for three days which meant that I would not be
receiving my letters, which meant I would not find out who this person was
that knew I was gay. I was so mad that I could have kicked Anthony's ass
again. Sitting in the principal's office staring at him I couldn't help but
get aroused at his masculine features. He was mixed with something because
his hair was jet black and he had bright eyes. His eyelashes was jet black
and his complexion was an even brown. He had thin hair on his arms and
around his lips. I couldn't believe I was jocking him. At the moment, I was
still angry. I resumed thinking about how I could fuck him up, and not feel
ashamed. Maybe if I approached him in a better way he would be cool. Well
right now I was looking at punishment for the weekend. I was more mad at
the fact that I would not be getting any letters from my secret admirer. I
was still shocked by the fact that I even had a secret admirer. My short
ass self with a secret admirer. I couldn't believe it. The whole time the
principal was talking to me, I was imagining my secret admirer holding me
close. The last thing I remember the principal saying was 'I will see you
two in my office on Monday morning.' As I walked home I happened to pass
Anthony on the way down the street. He looked scared as shit, but I just
kept walking. As I passed him he looked at me but kept on walking. I guess
he had enough of me. That evening after recovering from the ass whipping of
my life, I received a call from Terry. Terry was telling me about school,
but he seemed a little off track. I invited him over, but he declined. He
said he had to take care of some business. I asked if he could come over to
chill the next day, he said he would think about it. Then I received a call
from guess who... Anthony, of all people. I was shocked. He called to
apologize. I was cool with that but I was tripping.

How did he get my number?

     I was civilized when we were talking though. He seemed different. He
was nice to me the whole time we were on the phone. We talked for an hour,
but then he just ended the conversation abruptly.

     Thursday came and Thursday slowly went. Friday morning was slow. I
hadn't talked to Terry, and Anthony hadn't called on Thursday or on Friday,
so I figured he was burying the hatchet. I sat home chilling in my night
clothes until the afternoon. I then took a shower to freshen up, and I felt
alive. At about 4:00pm in the afternooon, I got a knock at my door and it
was Terry. He rushed in without speaking to me. He looked me in my eyes and
handed me an envelope. It smelled like Cool Water and I was in shock. I
started to perspire. I felt like my world had just exploded. I was
confused, then frightened, finally embarassed. I asked him what was wrong.
He handed me the letter.

"Someone left your letter in my locker," he said with a questioning look on
his face.

"Damn, this person is a stalker. Did you read it?" I asked praying that he
didn't.

"Look at the damn letter. It's still sealed. No I didn't read your love
letter. Scared ass self." He stated pushing pass me and going to the
fridgerator to get some juice. I was so relieved.

     We played Sony but we didn't talk instead we played in silence every
so often making comments like 'next round I am going to kick your ass.' He
stayed until 11pm and then he left. I didn't want Terry thinking I was
being shady to him, so I had to make sure he knew that I was his number one
homeboy.

     During that night I thought about a lot of things. I was trying to
figure out how I could tell Terry everything about me without him getting
upset. I know it sounds like we a couple, but he has been my bestfriend for
so long that I would really hate to lose his friendship.

     At about 12 a.m., I received another phone call from Anthony. This
time it was extremely short. He had invited himself over to my apartment,
and all I could do was accept and wait for his arrival. Thirty minutes
later, Anthony arrived and he was looking on point. I looked him up and
down, then I invited him into my living room. He wasn't cool enough to go
to my room and chill. I kept associates in the living room, only Terry was
allowed in my bedroom. I considered my bedroom my castle. We sat for a few
minutes making small talk before I got straight to the point. I asked him
what was this late night meeting all about, and he quite frankly asked if I
still had a crush on him. That night we stayed up until about 3 o'clock
talking about me having a crush on him. Talking about life in general, and
finally talking about reestablishing our friendship. In this conversation I
found out that he was not at all offended by me having a crush on him, but
he was as straight as an arrow. I was sort of at odds because deep down
inside during that conversation I was hoping for a revelation of some sort
in which he would profess his undying love for me (damn I am dramatic).
Anyway we closed out the night with a dap and I invited him over whenever.
But we was definitely taking it slow. Then sleep came. As I laid in my bed
I again came to the conclusion that my secret admirer could be someones
cruel joke on me, I began to let go of the idea of the secret admirer.
After purging myself of false hopes, I went to sleep peacefully.

     Sautrday came in slowly for me. It didn't feel like a Saturday. I
moved about slowly, put on some Mary J. Blige and walked around in a funk.
At about 4 o clock in the evening after Black Belt theater went off I
received a call from Terry.

"Was Sup Yo" he said

"Ain't shyt. Was sup with you." I replied.

"Not a damn thing. My moms got me cleanin and shyt. You wanna come up and
play some Tekken 3?", he asked.

"Hell yeah! Although you know I'm going to kick you ass." I joked.

"Yeah right then bring your ass... slouch," he challenged.

     I was up for that. I was glad that I had finally heard from him. I
hung up the phone and put on my grey BVD's, a grey t-shirt, and some sweat
pants and my black Timbs. I went up to my bestfriends apartment on the
tenth floor. I could hear his mother Mrs. Paula (who preferred to be call
Mrs. Poohpie) all the way down the hallway.

"Terry I am on my way to work. Wash all them damn clothes and shyt. And my
beers better be here when I get back in the house. I ain't stupid,
motherfucker, you better leave my shyt alone." she yelled. I laughed as I
approached the door. Miss Poohpie was raw all the time.

     With Terry being the oldest out of six children in a single parent
household, he was considered the man of the house. I laughed to myself as I
thought of Mrs. Poohpie being the ghetto fabulous mother of the projects.
When I got to the door, she was coming outside with two big earrings with
her name in them, and a nurse's uniform on. She smiled and gave me a hug
then called back to let Terry know I was out there in the living room.
Mrs. Poohpie considered me her good son, so I was always greeted with hugs
and kisses, and she occasionally cussed me out just like I was one of her
on children. I walked in and Terry came out with his tank top and some
sweatpants and a doorag. His 15 year old muscles was tensed as he carried
the basket of clothes from his room to the laundry den. After he put the
clothes into the washer, he made us some sandwiches and poured two big as
cups of Coca Cola. By 7 o' clock we were kicking it like we usually
did. Terry had coerced me to drink with him later on.

     We went down to the bar and got a junky to buy some alcohol for us. We
gave the junky about two dollars, and she bought us some Hennessy, a six
pack of Smirnoff Ice, two 40 oz. of Steele Reserve, and two 2 liter bottles
of Coca Cola. Knowing that his mother wouldn't be home until 7 o clock in
the morning was a relief. His sisters and brother was over his
grandmother's house, and we were just chilling. We mixed the Steel reserve
with the Henessey, and we mixed the Coca Cola with the Henessey, and we
downed everything. The six pack of Smirnoff Ice took me over the edge. I
was drunk as a motherfucker.

     The first signs of intoxiction had already started showing. I was
talking slow and everything seemed like it was happening in slow motion.
Terry was perspiring, and stumbling over shit. We both was babbling about
any and everything. I was so hot that I took off my grey t-shirt. Terry
followed suit and took off his tank top. His chest was glistening with
sweat, and I couldn't help but stare. In our predicament, everything was
enhanced. Alcohol is a truth serum, and I was under the influence...big
time. I was completely vulnerable. That's when the questions started.

"Yo can I ask you something? And this gotta stay here between us?" Terry
asked.

"Aww shyt..here you go wantin to be Twenty Questions. What and don't ask me
no shit like why the sky is blue?" I joked. I was too drunk to take
anything serious.

"Yo, what started you and Anthony beefing like that?" he asked.

"I don't even know...one day we was cool and the next day we wasn't..just
like that" I stated. I tried to keep it short and simple. I didn't want to
go too deeply into the situation. I played it off with laughter and more
jokes, but he continued.

"Well, I think yall beefing over something major, and yall gonna keep
fightin until it is resolved. I mean, yall hate each other and shit...
that's deep...you know what I mean" he said.

      I listened to him. The depth of this convrsation and the alcohol was
bringing emotions to the surface. I realized that I never dealt with what
happened. I fought with him cause I really did like him, and that was
painful. What was more painful was the fact that I wasn't real. I professed
being true to myself, but I was living a facade. I was gay, but too afraid
to be considered a punk. I knew eventually the truth would come out, but I
didn't want my mother or Terry or anyone for that matter to find out that I
was gay from the mouth of some one else. At the same time..I didn't want to
tell anyone...not yet anyway. I drunk another Smirnoff Ice. Then I changed
the subject.

"Yo where is the Biggie CD?" I asked.

"What?" he asked.

"The Biggie CD...Life After Death...I wanna listen to it" I stated.

"Yo what the fuck...you think you're slick...  Tell me what yall beefing
about...we supposed to be boyz... yah mean?" he asked.

"He read my journal, and then he started some rumors and shit. That's it.
Now no more questions..aiight" I felt me temperature rising. What in the
fuck was Terry getting at? I knew this was about to get complicated because
he was too stubborn to let it end there. we were quiet for about 10
minutes, but then he asked quietly.

"What rumors did he spread about you?"

     The question, as simple as it was, took the biggest chunk out of me.
It was the moment of truth, and I was pressed against the wall. I could
have clearly stated none of your business, but that would mean that I was
definitley hiding something. If I told him the reason..there was the chance
that me and Terry would become unbenefit. I was in turmoil, and deep down
inside I regretted actually staying and drinking with Terry. Terry got up
and placed in Tamia's first cd. This was the only cd of his that wasn't
hiphop. I listened as she started to sing the first song. I looked up at
the ceiling as I laid back on his bed, then I spoke.

"He read my journal, and then told everybody that I had a crush on him.
When I found out...I beat him up." These words that came from my mouth
beared pain, and I didn't think my young heart could throb with so much
pain. I was angry with Terry for making me tell him the truth. I was angry
with myself for hiding the truth, and I was angry with Anthony for never
really knowing the truth.

"Damn...I see!!" Terry replied. The silence in the room was thick. I could
tell he wanted to know more, but something was holding him back. I looked
over at him as he took a long gulp of his Steele Reserve. I sat up now
bothered by his silence.

"So...?" I asked.

"So What?" he asked

"So, is that it...you have anymore questions?" I asked. My words dragging
across my lips.

"Yeah...I do," he stated boldly.

"Well what is it" I asked.

"Did you have a crush on him? And are you gay?" he asked.

TKO!!!

   Right in the jaw. That question knocked me cold. My high was gone. I was
completely sober. My eyes widened, and my mouth dropped. I laid back down.
Breathed deeply, and went silent for about five minutes.

I guess he figured I wouldn't answer that question, so he got up and turned
off the overhead light. The only light in the room was from his lamp. Tamia
was singing her second song 'I'm So Into You" and I was thinking of my
answer. Then I spoke...

"I don't know..." I stated.

"What you talking about?" Terry asked.

"I don't know if I am gay...I don't know yet." I said now getting
frustrated more with myself then anything.

"Well do you like guys?" he asked.

"Yeah I guess, but I like girls too" I stated.

"Have you ever had sex with a girl?" Terry asked.

"No but I haven't had sex with a guy either." I replied.

"So you a virgin, and you don't know if you gay?" He asked.

"Yeah" I said.

"Well I think you gay" Terry stated.

"Fuck you..." I said mad as shit. Why was I mad? I guess I was mad because
he wasn't suppose to come to that conclusion. He was suppose to say 'you
are just going through a phase' or something. I was expecting him to say
'you ain't gay, you are just a virgin.' but he came right out and said that
I was gay. I was mad. I was very mad, but I was too drunk to go home. I
stumbled to his door, but fell before I left his room. He laughed at me,
and then he got up and tried to lift me up. Then his heavy ass fell on
me. We both started to laugh cause we were so drunk. I laid on the floor
dizzy, and he laid next to me. Both of us looking at the ceiling, our heads
spinning. We were both out of it.

The CD player skipped back to Tamia singing "So Into You", and we continued
laughing. I never noticed Terry propped up looking at me until I realized I
was the only one laughing. I turned my head in his direction, and he smiled
at me. I propped myself up..

"Was sup?" I asked.

"Nothing...just thinking," he said.

"What you thinking about?" I asked.

"Did you ever want Anthony to do it to you. You know...want him to fuck
you?" He asked still propped up looking at me.

"I never thought about him like that...I was just young and what he found
out was personal, you know. I didn't know what I was feeling was wrong.
Maybe I should try having sex with a girl before I decide that I am gay." I
stated trying to keep up the appearance of still being just curious. I knew
that I was gay, but I didn't want to come kicking out the closet especially
with Terry. His questions were getting to deep for me. I got up and laid
back on the bed. he sat up on the florr, and continued badgering me with
questions. Some weren't even about me, but the majority was. Terry seemed
very curious about my decision. It even felt as though he wanted me to make
my decision right away. I was definitely not about to do that, so I changed
the subject to sports. We talked about everything from basketball to
football to boxing. Then for about ten minutes there was silence. We sat
drunk, hot, and our miinds filled with different thoughts. Finally the
silence was broken.

"Roland...do you want to try it?" He asked.

     Terry didn't move. He was still laying on his back. Never moved one
muscle, and the question just flowed from his lips. I knew what he was
talking about, but I played stupid. I didn't want to seem eager or willing
to go through what he was suggesting.

"Try what?" I asked making a face as if to say 'what are you talking
about'?

"You know ... IT?" he restated. 'IT' meaning sex, but I guess he was trying
to maintain his appearance too. I continued my dumb role. Playing dumb in
my mind, was the best way to avoid an otherwise sticky predicament.

"No...I don't know 'IT''. Just say what you mean and stop being stupid" I
asked trying to sound as annoyed as possible.

     There was silence again. This time it wasn't as comfortable as before.
It was the silence that comes before a storm or before a revelation. It was
this silence that made me feel awkward. It felt as if some hiddeen magic
was at work and Terry and I were in the midst of the bright lights and the
swirling winds. I laid still and quiet. Hoping that all this would somehow
just fade away with sleep, but it didn't.

"Would you like to practice...I mean, you know like just get an idea of how
it would be the first time. We don't have to do know real stuff. Just look
at a flick, and then whatever?" Terry asked.

I looked at him blankly.

"It's cool, but I ain't doing no nasty stuff." I said trying to maintain my
role.

     Terry nodded in aggreement then rose and left the room to get a nasty
movie. He came back with a tape marked with an X. Then he turned off the
lights, turned on the television, and popped the tape in. Terry plopped
back on the bed, and on came 'Black Chicks'. This movie was funny, but it
was definitely spicy. It was about these five black women that were maids,
and they basically were telling about all of their encounters. Of course,
all of them had some type of sex in it. I watched as Terry described the
do's and don't's of sex with a woman, but to be honest I was looking at the
men. I was aroused but I kept my head straight. There was this one
particular scene with this young guy and this young girl, and they were
doing it all... from kissing to sucking to straight up fucking, and I was
engrossed in this scene. She was moaning and he was groaning, and then the
cum scene was awesome. All this cum all over her face. I was aroused ...not
by her but by him. He fucked the shit out of her, and it just made me
hot. Well by that time, Terry had repositioned himself on the bed laying
with his hands in his sweats, and his full attention was on the movie
too. That was the last scene, and then there was silence again.

We both laid staring at the blue screen waiting for some more, but the
flick was definitely over.

"So did you like that?" he asked adjusting himself, and sitting up.

"Yeah it was alright..I guess. I know that stuff though..just never did
it." I replied.

"Well what do you want to learn?" he asked sounding like a high school
teacher than a teenager.

"I don't know...whatever...I guess" I said.

"Do you know how to french kiss" he asked now looking at me as if we were
talking about the weather.

"Yeah kinda sorta...but ain't that with your tongue and stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah, you want me to show you how?" he asked casually.

"I don't care" I said but in my head I was yelling 'yes.' I wanted him in
every way, but I felt I had to keep up my role or he would lose respect.

     The first kiss was a peck on my lips. It felt awkward, but I liked
it. When we parted from the first kiss we were staring at each other eye to
eye. Terry spoke in a whisper. I listened. His breath hot, and laced woth
alcohol filled my nostrils. Though no words were spoken...we were
definitely speaking to one another. He moved in for another kiss...I closed
my eyes and parted my lips. Then I experienced my first 'french kiss.' I
followed his lead, and it was wet and nice. I could taste the alcohol in
his saliva, and our tongues encircled one another. When I parted from the
kiss we just looked at each other. Then he said something that was dumb as
shit, and I had to laugh out loud. Terry suggested that we play mothers and
fathers. I laughed so damn hard when he suggested it... although it made
perfect since at the time to me. I would be the mother and he would be the
father. But damn...we were in high school. Mothers and fathers. That blew
me away. My laughing killed the mood completely, but I was up for it. We
pinky finger swore never to tell anyone, and then he went to his mothers
room and brought back some panties, some tight jeans and a body shirt. I
went into the bathroom, and changed then I reappeared with my head wrapped
with a scarf. I was definitely embarassed. We laughed at me, and then we
played like we were married. The scenario was that he was coming home from
work, and I had to make him some dinnner and so forth and so on. The dinner
making was easy. We did what we saw on television being that both of us had
only one parent. Then it was time for bed time.

     The way Terry addressed me while we were playing turned me on. He
would address me as 'Baby' and 'Shorty' and it was different, but I wasn't
at all offended. I would call him 'Honey' and prance around as feminine as
possible. Of course, this was his way of teaching me how I was supposed to
be...I would learn later that I didn't have to be that way, but in my youth
I was ignorant about a lot of things. I pranced around, and he acted like a
'husband' or the way a husband acted in his mind. Being completely honest,
we were having fun. We had a mock argument...he cussed me out for dressing
to provocative..I cried..then we made up. The argument was fake, the crying
was fake, but the making up was real.

    Terry hugged my waist from behind, and started to kiss me on my ear. At
first, I pushed him away because it made me get butterflies, and it felt
too strange. Then he coerced me into acting like the lady on the movie. I
didn't think that was a problem, because she just went along with
everything. So he again grabbed my waist, and began to kiss my neck. He
pressed his pelvis against my ass and what I felt made me jump. I turned
around, and looked at him with the biggest eyes. But he maintained his
manner and said to keep acting. I made him reassure that he didn't tell no
one. I knew that this would be a major ass whipping if my moms found out
that he had his dick on my ass. Even if it was with pants on.

     We walked to his bedroom, he kicked the door shut, then locked it. He
turned me around and then we french kissed. This time it felt different. It
felt natural. I didn't need him to coach my next move. Instinctively I
wrapped my arms around his neck, and we were kissing like a real couple.
Terry leaned forward and I dropped onto his bed. Then he rose, and took off
his clothes. I figured I would just lay there.  Staring at him naked with
just the lamp on was as intoxicating as drinking the liquour we had
earlier. His body was perfect for a 15 year old. His little pecs, and his
tight stomach. But his dick was amazing. It was about nine inches,
uncircumcised, and it curved upward. I learned the measurement from later
experiences. It bobbed as he walked and the head glistened as if it were
wet. I looked in awe, and my dick was straining against the panties I had
on. Terry removed the shirt I had on, and the tight jeans. Then he started
to kiss my feet ( I snickered and twitched about...what can I say I am
ticklish), he kissed behind my knees, then he fell in between my legs and
french kissed me again. We rolled around his bed, and I began to breath as
he grabbed my ass and grinded his dick into my dick. My 7 inch dick leaking
precum in the panties made a wet spot, but I didn't care. I bit his ears ,
and sucked on his neck. I know I gave him like three massive passion marks,
but he didn't mind at that moment. Terry rolled over onto his back, and I
kissed his chest, neck, and then he moved my head to his dick. I looked at
him like he was crazy. He urged me to go ahead suck it like the girl in the
movie. I still hesitated, and he explained to suck it like a blow pop, but
don't use any teeth. I always sucked on blow pops when I was mad so I knew
that wouldn't be hard. But I had to examine his dick. It was so fat, and
his head was pinkinsh purple. Everytime I pulled up on his dick, it would
leak precum and he would moan. I looked at him, and he nodded his head
signalling me to go ahead. I moved in, and licked the head with my tongue.
The taste was salty, but his dick smelled like soap. I went down on him,
and the first time I knicked him with my teeth. I was nervous. He wasn't
mad though, he just reminded me to suck it like it was blow pop. I relaxed
and began to suck it. I slurped and sucked, and licked for what seemed like
forever. He pumped and grinded into my face, and gobs of precum would leak
and I swallowed it. Every so often he would hit the back of my throat and I
would gag. Then he would say 'my fault' and continue fucking my mouth. I
found he would only gag me when he got overly excited. The experience was
all mental for me. I enjoyed watching him moan and groan. After he had just
about went over the edge, he said he was going to eat my pussy. I didn't
have pussy, so I imagine he was talking about sucking my dick. I was dead
wrong. I found that he definitely was playing the part of the husbant to
the tee. He lifted my legs, and began kissing down them. Then with his
index finger he began to play with my ass hole. The sensations that I was
getting was remarkable. In my head, I became his girl. The moans I made
were natural. the breathing was natural. The way I caressed his head as his
tongue darted back and forth was natural. I didn't realize that I was
calling his name or that I was saying ' I Love You'. I didn't even hear the
cd playing. I was in my on world. I would be lying if I said I was
fantasizing of someone else, because I wasn't. What I was thinking about
was how badly I wanted him to keep going. I didn't want him to stop. I
didn't want this to end, and the more he licked my ass hole...tongue
burrowing into my ass...the more I pulled and clawed the bed. I was
possessed and he was bringing out the animal in me. After being punished
with oral sex for what seemed like an hour, Terry was ready to take things
a step further. He poked the head of his dick into my ass, and I jumped
back. I sat up and my defenses were up.

"I don't know Terry...I don't think I'm ready for that" I said voice
quivering from the first attempt.

"Come on...just relax it won't hurt...I promise" he said with the most
sincere look, but later I would learn that horny guys tell big lies.

"You fa real...you better not tell nobody yo..I am fa real...I am
serious...Terry if this hurt and I say stop please stop" I said holding
back tears. It felt like the first time at the dentist. Although you have
never had your teeth pulled you instinctively know that there is pain.
Although I wanted this now more so then ever, I didn't have a big threshold
for pain. He urged me to be the mother, and play like the girl in the
movies but even she screamed like she was in pain.

"Turn on your stomach, and it won't hurt at all" he said anxiously rolling
me over onto my stomach. I reached between my legs and positioned my dick
so that it wasn't bent in any way. He then went back to eating my ass, and
leaving big wads of spit behind. I didn't protest although it felt nasty
running down my legs. Then he inserted his fingers, and I tensed up.

"Ahh shitt..your nails. They scratching me" I said wincing in pain.

     Then he reached onto his nightstand, and got the coco butter lotion. I
looked over my shoulder at him as he lotioned his dick then smeared a heavy
gob of lotion on my ass hole.

"Close your eyes and relax. If it hurt a little bite the pillow" he said
positioning his dick at my ass hole.

"Aiight..but please don't make it hurt." I pleaded in vain.

     Terry pushed the head in, and the muscle being pulled apart sent waves
of pain up my spine. I grabbed his arm, and sweat instantly formed on my
forhead. I knew that my face was red with pain. It wasn't the pain of a
broken bone. It was like some took a hot stick and put it in my ass. Plus
it made me feel like I had to make a bowel movement. He urged me to relax,
and I tried but it wasn't working. I wanted to stop, but I wanted him to be
happy. I continued. He pressed further, and the hairs on my skin stood on
end. that's when I was breathing loudly as if I was ready to cry. I grabbed
his arm once more, and squirmed around as if to move away, but I most have
thrown his balance because he fell on top of me, and his dick slammed pass
my defenses. He grunted as is if punched him in the stomach. And I
screeched while stuffing the pillow in my mouth. The tears in my eyes
burned, and I was breathing hard as hell. Part of me wanted to stop..part
of me wanted to continue. I swallowed my protest, and tried to be a
soldier. Then he pulled out, and that's when I felt like I had to shit. I
told him to stop, but he whispered in my ears.

"Shorty...please don't make me stop. It feels so good, yo. I promise it
ain't gonna hurt no more." Terry whispered pressing deeper into me, his
voice filled with lust.

     I closed my eyes as he buried his dick deep within my ass, and then he
laid his head on my back between my shoulders, and we stayed this way for
about ten minutes. I clutched his hands that were gripping my shoulders...
his arms positioned under my arms.

"You okay..." Terry whispered.

"Yeah...I think so, but I think I am not ready. I think we better stop." I
said imagining my insides torn apart.

"Come on...we can't now. We boyz...you can't back out now. Stop being a
punk." Terry said kissing my neck, and slowly grinding his hip.

     I started to moan, and breath as I looked at the mirror facing us.
When I saw the way we looked I couldn't help but become overwhelmed with
lust. His young muscles...tense...supporting me as he struggled to bury
himself inside of me. The lust-filled faces we possessed with glossy eyes
told a story of passions straining to break free. His feet wearing white
socks locked around my ankles....my knee bent with one leg extended hanging
slightly over the edge of his full size bed. My face..the portrait of
passionate sex. Terry now pressing deeply caused me to moan louder. I
clawed his mattress...he went even deeper until we were actually one. I
moaned. My voice wavering as he pressed against the depth of my asshole. I
cried out in pain. Terry began to fuck me harder, and I got louder. My
walls began to pulsate as his dick burned through my asshole. I couldn't
believe what was happening. I panted his name after each thrust. My ass was
nice and tender. Terry began to increase...grinding my ass and my waist
into his mattress. My dick excited by the new sensation began to tingle as
I approached a powerful orgasm. Terry began to go deeper. I moaned louder.
Terry began to moan. Then it happened. Terry exploded deep within my ass.
His cum wetting the my wounded walls. As he exploded, I came all over his
mattress. My dick throbbed as he continued pumping his cum into me. I
continued to cum in full force. My toes curled as my dick pulled the last
bit of energy out of me. Terry withdrew his dick from my ass, and I laid
still in that position. He wiped his dick off, and wiped the cum dripping
from my ass. Then he relocked his door, and climbed into bed. I crawled in
behind him by this time I had my boxers back on, but Terry removed them as
soon as I got in the bed. We fucked about two more times that night before
I had to call it quits. My ass was raw. I was also dead tired.

Sunday morning...

"Terry...wake your lazy ass up." I heard Mrs. Poohpie scream.

     Terry moaned next to me, and I laid awake reliving the night before in
my mind. I knew his door was locked but I nudged him anyway. I could hear
the church music blasting in the kitchen, and the bacon had already started
frying. Terry woke up with his morning mug, and I slipped on my clothes
quickly.

"Terry...get your ass up. It's Sunday...you ain't sleeping all day," she
yelled.

Terry nodded for me to open the door.

I opened the door and saw her standing there.

"Hey baby...don't you think you better be calling you mother" she asked.

"Yes ma'am, I am calling her now." I said.

     Then I laughed as she yelled at Terry to get up. He was a smart ass.
The whole time he just ignored her. Eventually, she left his room, but he
did get up and started to get dressed. Terry had little to say, so I took
it that he was forgetting about what happened. I didn't catch offense. I
gave him some dap, and then I went home to my place. When I got there, I
went to my room, and I slept all day long. I had the most peaceful sleep
imaginable.

Monday morning again.

Damn!!!

Alarm clock signalling another day in my hood. Got to pee this morning hard
off. Take a cold shower to wake the fuck up. Moms is in the kitchen hooking
up breakfast. Guess I will look preppy today.

"Roland..." my mother calls through the door.

"Yeah" I answer.

"Come here..." she says.

I cleaned my face, brushed my teeth, and then went to the kitchen with my
bookbag over my shoulder.

"Was sup " I asked.

"Nuthin...just wanted you to eat, and go head to school. So you won't be
late, and this was waiting by the door this morning." she said handing me a
mustard envelop with something in it. It felt like a tape.

I went to my room, and tore open the letter.

It read:

Good Morning, I wanted you to get this before school. Just wanted
to sat thank you for a good night, and we still boyz. By the way...sorry
about waisting my cologne in your locker. the wasn't intentional. Made you
a copy of the Biggie tape.

See you in school,
Shawty



With All My Love, Mkrann.