Date: Fri, 17 Jun 2005 13:42:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: William Cordova <wcordova98@yahoo.com>
Subject: William Cordova - Chapter One

Disclaimer

This story contains acts of the sexual nature between underage boys.  If
you do not like this type of story, or it is illegal in the area in which
you live, do not read any further.

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Prelude

My name is William Cordova, Will for short...and this a story of my life,
based on my experiences, mostly the experience I've had to deal with
concerning my sexuality.  That is, I am gay.  Much of which has not been
known to my family, or seen outside the ones I've shared my experiences
with.  I only discovered Nifty recently and thought I'd share my
experiences with those people just like me...maybe not with the same
experiences, but most can relate.  Most of this stuff happened back in the
early 90s, so it can be kind of shady in my mind.  I will attempt to make
the events happened as they really happened, but of course that's nearly
impossible...but it's close enough to what really happened.  The events and
points I make will be that of what I experienced.

My story is one of depression, hatred, envy, sadness, lust and love...
stolen, broken and corrupt hearts.  I have seen the very deepest and
darkest crevasses of man and at the same time I've laid witness to its
brutal devilish hatred.  Only then was I able to appreciate the true love I
found in my life.

I wanted to find a lovely wife, have some kids...maybe 2 or 3...and grow
old watching my children do the things I've done.  That's like a kid's
dream, only the child doesn't realize that he can't live that dream if he's
gay.  Yes! That's the sucky part of my journey.  God decided that he would
burden me with the sins of homosexuality.  The path and cookies life gave
me was the passageway only the devil could dream up.

I've suffered a great deal.  Lust has engraved its core-being in my fingers
with over-sensitive parcels of touch.  I've seen envy so deep that skin has
literally turned green.  I've been so low, so far beneath the world, I was
swimming with grub worms in the oily mystique of rotting flesh.  And yet
through all that, I managed to love someone so deep, so unfathomable, that
it was immensely painful to think of life without him.

I was born in Oregon but grew up just outside Houston, moved there when I
was 3.  I have 2 brothers, Robert who is 2 years older, and Benjamin who's
3 years younger.  I believe Rob never knew I was gay, and even till this
day, I am not sure if he does.  I believe Ben though, may have figured out
my secret sometime in High school, but if he has, he never muttered a word
about it.  He for sure figured it out when the Outting happens.  I was very
shocked by his reaction to the news; this is partly why I believed he knew
prior. I won't get into that as it's a whole chapter in itself.

Both parents worked as the times were becoming more demanding financially.
Remember, my story starts off in the early 90s, so Bush elder was still
president; the country's economy was on the raise and the Gulf war just
broke out.  I still remember singing "Proud to be an American" during
Homeroom in Jr. High.

Now because my story is going to be the truth of my life, don't expect
every chapter to be filled with sex and lust and love.  This story is about
my life experience dealing with my sexuality...my homosexuality...a story
about my dealings with living with the secret that society in the times
deemed immoral, unnatural and out-right dangerous and filthy sinful.  Those
that were gay were picked on, made fun of, tortured mentally and
occasionally physically.  It was dangerous in the schools I attended.  I
would have rather been the undersized super-dork then the faggot, or rather
wanted to be a teachers pet or "special' then a faggot. So not much has
changed huh?  Well...I don't want to ruin too much of the story, so I wont
get into any more detail then I have.  I will save it for the story.

My name is William Andrew Cordova, and this is my story...


Chapter One: There's a First Time for Everything Spring 1991...


I walked into 7th period Science class where my best friend and I sit
together near the back.  It was Friday and we were both excited about
getting out for the weekend.  Our last class is out in some temporary
buildings as Watkins Jr. High is overcrowded. 7th Grade has been pretty
good for me, easy classes on the average, except for Language Arts.  I hate
that class.  But that's beside the point.  As we were sitting there, I
noticed a new boy in class.  He sat just two seats up in front of me; the
one between us is empty.  I looked down and saw his slender legs.
Nice. Ms. Dickens was calling roll.

As she went through the roll, I caught notice to the new boy's name,
Matthew Ducker.  Interesting, and noticed a slight accent on him when he
answered her.

"New boy, huh" I said to no one in particular, but Anthony took notice too.

"Yeah, new boy" I heard him reply.

Ms. Dickens class is boring as hell.  All she does is blab on about water
this and water that, as if water is blood and breathes life into our
bodies, but oh well.  I was more interested in getting out of that stinking
school.  I was bored duh...7th period was almost over and then I'd be
heading over to Anthony's house for after school activities which usually
consisted of basketball, football and chit-chat stuff...depending on the
season.  Usually played some football in the colder weathered days, but
being Houston, we didn't get a whole lot of that...we never got to play
football in the snow.  What would you expect from young teens such as us?

Anthony was a bit younger then me, I went through 2nd grade twice because
of speech problems, so I was already 13 and Anthony was still 12.  Ever day
after school we'd walk over to his house, only a few blocks from school.
It was a perfect year for me, my older brother just started high school, a
freshman, and my younger brother was still in elementary, so for one year,
each one of us attended separate schools.  I found that a bit refreshing
and very freedomous. I loved it, not having to see any of my brothers in
school at any time at all. I could focus solely on Anthony and our evil
doings.

So the bell finally rung, Anthony and I left walking to his house when
Anthony initiated the conversation..."Man, Ms. Dickens is such a bitch. Her
class is boooring!"

"No Shit she sucks!  I just want her to shove that stupid textbook of hers
up her fat ass and shit it out her mouth!"  Anthony burst into laughter as
did I.  Oh man I can crack myself up sometimes. "So what you wanna do
today?"

Anthony thought for a moment, "Not sure.  Hey you wanna spend the night
tonight?  We haven't done that in awhile.  Plus I have a nice surprise.
Something that's gonna be awfully fun."

Ooo!  This intrigued me instantly.  But I'm not one to push and ruin
surprises, so I didn't ask him what it was.  "Oh really? Then I'm in.  Just
let me call my mom."

Phone ringing..."Hey mom, can I stay the night over at Anthony's?"

My mom's voice sounded strange, probably because I didn't properly greet
her; instead, I just went with my question, something she doesn't always
like. "Oh hey honey, sure.  I suppose you can as long as its ok with his
Mother and that you're a good boy.  I don't want to hear about how much of
a pain you were when Hillary calls me tomorrow." I could feel her motherly
eye through the phone. I knew better then to upset Anthony's mother.

"Of course I will, mummy dear."  I called her mummy dear when I was
irritated with her silly demands, as if I would misbehave or something.
"Geesh, I'm not ten anymore."

"I know Will."

"Ok good bye."

"Good bye honey. I love you."

I hung up the phone.  I don't like talking on the phone.  All my phone
conversations are short.  I don't know why so.  I suppose it's just the
informality of the whole phone, talk-but-cant-see type deal.  "Ok Anthony,
we're game.  What's your mom got planned for dinner?"

"Don't know, but we'll have pizza if you want?"

"Sounds great to me."

Ordered pizza, small talk with Anthony's mom and the normal little stuff
young teenage boys' talk about over with; we retired to Anthony's bedroom
for awhile.  He's got a cool room no doubt: his own TV, stereo system...his
own pet turtle, as if a turtle is a pet!...posters of different popular
people of the times, mostly Michael Jordan, but one of Magic Johnson...one
of this supposedly hawt chick, not sure of her name, never did.  Couldn't
figure out why so many people thought she was good looking.  I don't see
anything special.

Anthony spoke first when we got in his room.  "So you ready for the
surprise?"

"Duh!" was all I could say.

Anthony had a very mischievous grin on his face.  It instantly caught my
attention.  Most of our friendly surprises weren't that exciting, probably
why I don't push or get all excited when he tells me he has a surprise.
Anthony got up from his bed, moving toward the door, he quickly glanced out
into the hall, looking for whomever, but no one was there.  He quickly, but
quietly closed the door and turned the lock.  Another shot of
instant-curiosity juice drove through my body.  What was he up to?

He grabbed his backpack from the corner where he left it when we got home
and sat back on the bed, backpack in lap.  I moved and sat next to him, my
curiosity growing.  He dug thought it for a moment, the pulled out a
magazine, which was dirty; I noticed right off the bat.  That quickly was a
non-issue when I noticed a half-naked woman on the cover!

"What the..." is all I could manage.

Anthony was laughing...almost a devilish laugh.  I knew this was something
our parents didn't want us looking at, but fuck that!  We're human and we
have raging hormones! I grabbed it out of instinct, Anthony not letting go.

"Where did you get this?" I was very enthusiastic.

"I found it on the way to school this morning, on the side of the road."

"Yeah right." I replied sarcastically.

"I'm serious.  It was just laying there for the taking.  It was upside down
so most people probably just walked on by, but I decided to look anyways,
and low and behold, a pair of tits slapped me in the face."

That got us giggling.  "Yeah, they're big enough to slap." Another round of
giggles.  "What you waiting for. Open it up."

Anthony slowly opened it up and the first page was just advertising for
some smokes, but on the following pages where more half-naked chicks.  Lots
of tits and asses, but nothing else at that time.  Well, by this time I was
hard, without a doubt, and I was wondering if Anthony was.  I took a glance
but couldn't tell.  Then a thought hit me.  Why was I wondering if he was
hard?  Hmm...anyways, he turned another page and wham!  Pussy splattered
all over the page.  Or so it seemed.  This was the first time I had ever
actually seen one.  In fact, I had never seen anyone's privates in real
life, a few occasionally T-n-A's on TV but that's it.

"Whoa!" came from Anthony's mouth. His mouth was still standing open, just
peering at the page.

"Yeah" I said, a very enthusiastic yeah it was.

Next page was awesome!  A woman and a guy.  A guy! A guy naked! With a full
blown hard on!  I made a slight sigh.  It felt as if someone had punched me
in the stomach.  My first sighting of another male's penis and it was
beautiful.

I knew I was more interested in boys then girls, but any nudity, any
breaking of that invisible threshold of privacy into another person's aura
was enough for my hormones and boyhood.

The magazine had a major "article" if you want to call it an article, on
that woman and guy.  There were lots of pictures of them two, in all sorts
of positions and him probing her in all sorts of ways, with more then just
his hand.

By the end of the magazine, my hand was slowly rubbing on my crotch.  I
quickly removed it before my friend could notice.

I spoke up first.  "I don't know who left this magazine in the street, or
if God put it there for our pleasure, but however it got there, Thank the
gods!"

"Amen" Anthony replied. "Uhmm, I have to use the bathroom" and he quickly
got up, putting the magazine down on the bed, and went out the room.  I
picked the magazine back up and flipped it back to the pictures of the guy,
completely ignoring the chick.  I just gazed in awe for a few more minutes
when Anthony walked back in.

"Hey, that was nice wasn't it?" Anthony asked.

"Sure was." I replied.  "So what you wanna do now?"

No comment from Anthony.  We both kind of just diddled around for a few
moments; Anthony occasionally looking over at his stereo, fooling with it,
trying to find a decent station.  I was still lying sideways on the bed
looking at the magazine and just day dreaming about whatever.  From down
the hall we heard his mother walking down toward us.  I slide the magazine
under the pillow as Ms. Nichols walked in.  "Hello boys, would you like
some ice cream, or maybe some root beer floats?"

We just about answered yes at the same time, drawing some giggles from all
three of us.

"Root beer floats please."

"Sure thing boys, I'll be right back," and she headed back to the kitchen.

Ms. Nichols was a very nice woman.  A great mother; she has to be. She has
had to raise Anthony by herself.  Mr. Nichols left them about 7 years ago.
She's had to work in a males world, making much less money then she
deserved, but its enough to support them two in their simple life.  Anthony
and I hit if off immediately.  The first day I met him back in 5th grade, I
knew I wanted to be his friend right then and there.  He has such a great
personality, funny, shy -- in an interesting way, but usually not shy in
most cases.  He's charming, especially to fellow peers, and has a good
quality body and quality look, not ugly, and not the hawt hunk the girls
talk about.  But what I am getting uncomfortable with is my increasing
attraction to him.  I understand that I'm supposed to be attracted to
girls, but that just doesn't seem to be happening.  I find myself looking
more and more at boys; especially their legs.

A few moments later, we were still just making small talk when Ms. Nichols
returned with our floats, "Here you go boys. Eat up then hit the sack. I am
going to finish up a few things in the kitchen then head to bed myself.
Don't stay up too late or make too much noise."

She left and let us be, eating our root beer floats in happily glee.  Oh,
and that float was good.  I think it's the type of ice cream she used --
Mmmm.  Anthony turned on the TV and lowered the volume.  He flipped the
channel around until he settled on something insignificant.  We sat around
watching, making small talk, finishing our floats.  When I finished I got
the sleeping bag out of his closet and laid it out on the floor.  I sat
kicked off my shoes, took my shirt and socks off and spread out across the
sleeping bag.  It felt good as the cold chill of the bag touched my bare
warm skin.

Anthony reached over, turned off the lamp, leaving the TV as the only
source of light left.  I was watching the TV, but could see out of the
corner of my eye, as Anthony started to take his clothes off.  Its nothing
special, I've seen him in his boxers briefly before, but this was
different.  We hadn't spent the night at each others house in several
months, upwards to 6 months. Its been awhile, and in that short amount of
time, as I've said, I have become more attracted to him, in a way.

I saw him take his shirt of, sit down take his socks off, then stand up and
remove his jeans.  Nice I thought.  I glanced over quickly, nonchalantly,
thinking he wouldn't care.  Nice body. I love his stomach, perfect little
stomach.  I heard him laugh at a joke or something on TV.  "That was
funny."

"What? I missed it? What he say?" Anthony just giggled.  So I reiterated my
question.  "What I miss?"

"You didn't miss anything. Doesn't matter, you were too busy looking at me
to notice."

Oh that hurt.  He did notice and made fun of me for it.  "Oh shuddup!  I
was not!"  I couldn't admit to him I was checking out his increasingly
maturing body.

"Oh sure! Whatever."

"Yes, that's it, just as I said."

"So what you think of that new kid in Science class?"

"Huh?"  I was caught off guard by the sudden change in topic.

"That new kid in Science class.  Matt I think or sum'in another."

"Oh." I had to take a moment to think of who he was referring to. I
remember there being a new kid, but don't remember what he looked like.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Matt was his name. I remember now. I dunno, not like we met him.  He
didn't talk much. How am I supposed to know? He seemed alright."

"That's what I thought."

I wish there was some way to convince Anthony we should share his bed to
sleep in.  The floor is hard and of course, what I would give to sleep up
next to him all night.  But that would seem way too gay and I'm sure he
wouldn't want to do that.  I couldn't come up with any conceivable reason
to try and use. After all, I had always slept on the floor in the sleeping
bag when I stayed the night, and he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor
when he stayed the night at my house.  The sudden change would probably
confuse him.  I'm not even sure if he's having these same feelings I
am. Eventually, through all my unintentional and elaborate thinking, I
drifted off to sleep.


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Questions and/or Comments?

wcordova98@yahoo.com