Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 13:39:06 -0800 (PST)
From: William Cordova <wcordova98@yahoo.com>
Subject: William Cordova - Chapter Twenty-Six
Disclaimer
This story contains acts of the sexual nature between underage boys. If
you do not like this type of story, or it is illegal in the area in which
you live, do not read any further.
*****************************************************************************
Chapter Twenty-Six: The Fix in Progress
The following week of school became increasingly miserable. My dad
got his work schedule changed solely for the purpose of getting home
shortly after me. He didn't trust me and I didn't trust him. It was now
impossible to sneak to Matt and be back in time. Plus I am not sure if its
going exactly as Matt says it is at his house. He says things are fine.
But I can tell he is lying. His eyes are telling me otherwise.
I have begged my parent's to let me see him at some point. I tried
explaining that he's my best friend. "Am I not allowed to have friends now
or sum'in?" I argued.
"You can have friends," my dad said. "You just can't see Matt. Go
play with Ian. I'm sure he wants company too."
"But Matt is my best friend! This isn't fair! You can't do this!"
"Until we can get you in church and working on fixing you up, I
can't let you see him. The more you see him, the harder it will be to pull
you from the devil. You haven't a choice!" my dad barked back.
"ARG! This has to be the most fucked up thing you've ever done!" I
hissed.
"Watch you're fuckin' tongue at me! I am your father and you'll
treat me with respect!"
"You treat me like DOG SHIT and you expect me to treat you with
respect?" I screamed.
"Get in your fuckin' fag bedroom already!" he rose up and got into
striking position. "And don't you get any ideas about sneakin' off to his
house. You don't got no bike no more," he yelled as I hurried off.
I barricaded myself in my bedroom. He has yet to hit me, but I
think that's mostly my mothers doing. She has been the negotiator keeping
the peace. But when she wasn't around, he was quit hostile in his verbal
abuse.
Once things quieted down, I was too distraught in thinking my father
took my bike away that I snuck out into the garage. He had indeed removed
my bike. It wasn't in the garage. I checked everywhere inside the house.
I looked in the backyard to no avail also. It was too large an object to
hide easily. He must have gotten rid of it completely.
Wednesday morning, Matt and I were in our secret meeting location
making out. His sweet tender lips pressed against mine, our hands
exploring each other. It's now the only time we get to see each other.
The twenty minutes we have together is what we can make of it.
"I have no idea what's goin' on now," I continued. "My dad has
taken my bike away. I can't come sneakin' over even if I had my bike cause
he comes home at four now. Freakin' changed his work schedule just to keep
an eye on me now."
"So when you gonna be able to come over then?"
"I have no fuckin' idea. And I seriously doubt he'll ever let you
come over."
"So that mean's well never be able to --"
"-- now just wait'a minute," I interrupted. "They can't stop us
from being together. We're together right now. Maybe someday, they'll
change their minds?" I said optimistically.
"But didn't you say we have to go along with their church idea?"
"Well -- we do."
"Are you saying that if they keep us apart enough and take us to
church, they will make us not like each other anymore?"
"I don't gotta clue really, Matt. They can't keep us apart
completely and we gotta go along with the church idea. I really don't know
if they can change us or not. Maybe if we pretend not to like each other
-- go along with their idea -- we can convince them we're changed. And we
can go back to seeing each other whenever we want."
"And how long will that take?" Matt inquired.
"I have no idea," I said as I pulled him close to me and kissed him
on the forehead -- which was soon replaced by his moist lips. We didn't
speak for the rest of our time. Our lips did the talking.
Back in the daily grind of school, the rumors began to creep around.
I was able to easily deflect most of them as they weren't concrete enough
to cause alarm to most people. I didn't have any problems with my friends.
Some didn't even know or care. A few shrugged off the gay rumor as if it
were just that -- a rumor. In fact the same thing happened to one of them
just the previous year. The High school is filled with rumors of every
degree. Most kids know this, but it's treated as truthful gossip.
Eddie and Mitch either didn't care or didn't know of the rumor. We
hang out between classes occasionally and neither said a word. I was
relieved I'm not defending myself to them.
Gym class came around and I went into the locker room immediately
rather than my normal routine -- which is walking in as late as possible to
walk by a bunch of half naked boys -- and some of them being really cute.
My mind hasn't been what it used to be, being preoccupied by my current
situation of being outted to my family so that's why I just came in without
caring. As a result of this, I was one of the first ones out into the gym.
I sat by myself along the wall with my head down.
"Is it true?"
I immediately felt disappointed. I looked up and Jeff was standing
there looking at me.
"Is what true?"
"The rumor," he said.
"What rumor?" I asked pretending I didn't know what he was talking
about.
He got real quiet and moved closer. "Are you gay?"
"Oh -- that rumor!" I said distastefully. "It's just that -- a
rumor. Don't believe everythin' you hear."
"So then you're not?" he asked.
"Of course I'm not gay, Jeff. Don't be an idiot."
"OK -- that's what I thought. I heard a stupid rumor that you and
Matt were gay," he laughed. "I got freaked by it."
"You got freaked by what?" Eddie jumped in. Eddie and Mitch
appeared with even being noticed.
"The stupid rumor about Will and Matt," Jeff said to Eddie and
Mitch.
"I heard that one," Mitch interjected. "Don't believe everythin'
you hear."
I laughed. "That's just what I told him," I said. "Think about
it," I continued, "Matt gets girls every now and then. As long as I've
known him he's been gettin' girls -- many more than me."
"You can't believe half the shit people say aroun' here," Mitch
added.
"Someone started a nasty rumor about me in the eighth grade.
Remember that?" Jeff added.
The group chuckled at the stupid rumors we call have had spread
about us. Eddie added a few particular weird ones and Mitch giving his.
And then we went on about what it'd be like if one of us were actually gay.
In History, I sat down next to Eddie when he asked me, "You wanna
come over this weekend?"
"Don't think I can. I'm kind'a grounded."
Eddie laughed. "What's kind'a grounded?"
"I can't come over that's what." Even though I wasn't entirely sure
if my dad would let me hang with Eddie or not, I wasn't in the mood.
"What ya do?" he asked.
"I'd rather not talk about it," I shot back.
"Chill dude!" he exclaimed. "You've been actin' like shit the last
few days -- like someone died or sum'in."
"I've just been havin' probs at home that's all."
"Like what? Sometime it helps to tell someone," Eddie suggested.
I gave him a glaring look. "What did I just say?"
Eddie dropped it after that.
After school, I went to talk to Ben. I wasn't sure how he was
handling this whole ordeal. For all I knew, he was spreading the talk
about my preference for Matt.
"Hey, can we talk?" I asked Ben.
"I guess," he said without raising his head from his homework.
I sat down next to him on his bed after closing the door behind me.
I looked at him. He was involved in some math and didn't seem too
interested in why I was there.
"What do you think about this whole thing?"
Without stopping what he was doing he answered, "What whole thing?"
"Uhmm...you know."
He looked up at me. "What do you mean?"
I sighed. "You have a problem with me?"
"What do you mean?"
"I like Matt -- that problem."
"So --"
"No -- mean I really like him. I kiss him all the time. We make
out. We're boyfriends."
Ben gave me a weird look. "That's disgusting."
"Yeah -- I know," I said sarcastically. "But that's how I feel. I
can't help it."
"Why not?" Ben asked.
"I just can't. I dunno. OK -- how about this. What's your
favorite color?"
"Green," he answered baffled.
"Why is green your favorite color?"
He looked down -- searching for the answer. "It just is."
"Exactly! It just is. You can't help it right?"
Benjamin went silent. I let him ponder on that a minute. He went
back to doing his math homework while I let my thoughts and mind float. I
looked around his room -- his posters all in once piece -- his toys not
destroyed and thrown about -- his dresser mirror not shattered -- his room
very tidy and neat.
"Oh -- I get it!" Ben exclaimed.
"Hmm?"
"What you said."
"Does that bother you?"
"I dunno."
"Have you told anyone about me -- like your friends or school
mates?"
"Dad told me not to"
"Oh really? What else he tell ya"
"He said that you weren't really a faggot. That you were only sick
and he was gonna get you fixed. I'm not allowed to talk to anyone `bout
it."
"That's good."
I left his room. At least he isn't telling everyone in town about
me. My earlier worries about the whole school knowing were fading quickly.
A knock on the door brought me to find Ian standing there.
"Oh hey Ian. Come in."
We walked back to my room. Ian gave an audible sigh when he saw the
damage. H gawked at my door -- the door jam in splinters.
"This is what my dad did to get in. I locked the door but that
wasn't gonna stop him."
Ian looked around my room. He kept saying he was sorry but I wasn't
sure what he was sorry for. He wasn't responsible. Ian examined my TV.
It looked perfectly normal except for the large crack right down the middle
of the screen. He finally stopped looking around at the damage and sat
down next to me on my bed.
"What ya come over for?" I asked.
"I heard the rumors. You were right."
"No -- I was wrong. The rumors aren't nearly as bad as I imagined."
"But still. Some people think you're gay," he said squinting his
face. "How can you live with that?"
"Oh -- I dunno -- not like I have a choice. It's not too bad. I
suppose I live with it the same way you live with everyone thinkin' you're
a nerd. I just ignore it. My real friends don't buy into that crap
rumor," I snarled.
"Maybe you should get a girlfriend. That might help."
I laughed. "Are you givin' me advice?"
"You need it Will. People think you're gay. You need all the help
you can get."
I was taken back by this. Ian was undoubtedly smart and cute,
especially now since he is trying the help me. This once shy boy has
turned around. I felt weird though. I'm supposed to be the responsible
`older brother' between us. And yet here he is giving me advice.
Sure as clockwork, my father showed up exactly ten minutes before
four. It was going to be a horrible year if this was going to be a
routine. He'd always greet me when he got home with a smart remark. The
first few days these remarks didn't bother me, but as the week went on,
they became increasingly harsh. My room was still a mess. The door was
still broken, mirror still not replaced and TV still in its same broken
mass on the floor. I had fixed my room up to be livable, but it was all my
doing. My dad didn't speak a word about it.
The family's first church date came the following Sunday. Benjamin
woke up bitching about how he had to go. He hadn't done anything to
deserve to go to church. He framed his argument as if it's punishment,
which I don't entirely disagree with. Stuck with only two days a week to
sleep in on, now our parents were taking one away -- they woke us up as if
we were going to school. It was miserable this Sunday morning. Rain was
coming down hard and it was chilly outside. We had to dress up in `church'
clothes which consisted of our best wear.
The rain alone didn't make me miserable. It was the combination of
that and the thought I was on my way to church to be `fixed'. I wasn't
entirely sure what it really meant, but to me in that car the first Sunday,
it felt like I was on my way to not liking Matt any longer -- like my
fascination for Matt was being stripped away. I wasn't looking forward to
being subjected to the church's idea of what was wrong with me, but I had
no reason to doubt what my dad was doing. He said if I could Jesus, I
could be fixed. I could start liking girls and be normal.
The drive was longer than I was expecting. We drove further into
Houston than I've ever been. Only Astroworld and the Astrodome were
further away. We drove due east past the Beltway and by the time we pulled
into the parking area of the church, the sun was peaking through the
weakening clouds.
My parent's picked this particular church for one reason. My mom
knew someone who attending and recommending it for the family. We quickly
made our way through the now sprinkling rain and into the main foyer. It
almost felt like I was walking into a funeral. There were many people of
all ages dressed up in suits and formal wear. Most were elderly but I
caught glimpses of a few young kids -- some even my age. I knew I was
going to be attending the youth group. Apparently it was a group that
would help me with my problem. A boy with apricot colored hair caught my
attention. I kept a close eye on him as my parent mingled with the folks
around. The boy was standing with his back to me, fiddling with the right
sleeve of his pale yellow dress shirt.
"Good morning," the pastor spoke as we reached him by the large
mahogany double doors.
"Mornin'," my parents greeted back.
"This must be William, the dear boy," he spoke as he reached out
and touched my shoulder. "We shall talk more about you later," he said as
he winked at me.
The pastor was an elderly man of short height. He must have been
on his death bed by his looks. He has many wrinkles upon his face, and
many more wrinkles upon those wrinkles. His thinning white hair stood out
as bazaar against his dark tan skin.
My parents and the pastor continued to talk about me but I blocked
them out and turned my attention back to the room fully of people. The
apricot boy was gone however.
During sermon, I zoned out as I had expected -- my mind gazing upon
Matt and his innocent glee. I thought of all the happy times me and him
have shared together -- few but wonderful moments. I felt my eyes tear up,
but I forced myself to shrug them off. I couldn't think about Matt without
feeling saddened. I turned my focus back to the boring speech that
composed of the sermon, but that's when I spotted the blotch of apricot
near the front.
I wanted to meet this boy. If I was going to be stuck in church
every Sunday and in youth group every Wednesday, I was going to at least
try to spend the time with someone good looking. It would help pass time
faster.
After the sermon ended, the group sang some songs that I
particularly found annoying. They were all Godly in nature as expected,
but one sounded rather stupid. I didn't care. I blocked them out too.
Sunday school followed the end of the singing. I grabbed a donut
on the way out. I didn't have any money so I didn't drop anything in the
donation basket next to them. I didn't give a shit anyways. I was hungry
from a very early and light breakfast. I downed several donuts before
being ushered along.
My parents left me and Benjamin in the youth group's room. It was
a very small and cozy room. It was lined with couches of every shape and
color- each and every one of the certainly donated by someone in the church
at some point.
I sat next to Ben on an orange plaid couch. As per my wish, the
apricot boy was across from me on a nasty looking green coach. The room
filed with about a dozen kids -- all of around my age. It was the youth
group. Two adults walked in and took the chairs next to the TV. Many of
the kids were talking amongst themselves. The girls apparently owned the
far corner of the room. All six of them huddled on the futons and chairs
in that corner.
Benjamin and I were introduced by the adults as the new kids. She
said we were going to be staying for awhile with them. Apparently she has
talked to our parents already. As the group introduced themselves, I
learned the apricot boy's name was Aaron. I had a hard time looking at him
now because he was looking at me an awful lot. He didn't have a problem
smiling either.
As Sunday school continued, the adults had the group in discussion
about what is considered a sin. Ben and I sat rather quietly as the kids
did their part in the discussion. One of the adults noticed this and spoke
up to get us involved. I was really hoping she wouldn't notice.
I gave my explanation of what I considered a sin -- or rather what
I learned from my dad. He is the reason for any knowledge I have of this
subject. I noticed Aaron smirking awkwardly at me when I finished
speaking.
After Sunday school was over, Aaron approached me.
"Hey...uhmm...William," he said softly.
"Oh, hey," I said turning around to face him. Ben stopped too but
I shoved him off and he left to find Mom and Dad. "It's Aaron right?"
"Yeah," he muttered. His face was red.
"So uhmm...What do ya want?"
"Just wanted to say hi." He smiled weakly. "Why you come here
now?"
"My parents makin' me come. They want to..." but I went silent. I
caught myself before I said too much.
"They what?" he asked back.
"Oh nu'in really. They just wanted to start comin' here. Thought
it'd do us some good. Why you here?"
"I've been going here for a coupla years now. Parents thought it'd
do us some good too."
We both broke into laughter. I couldn't help but notice his
muffled laugh almost like he was ashamed of laughing. Aaron kept his eyes
on mine. He smiled lightly as I spoke. I went on about a few things
before my parents grabbed me to go home.
Wednesday's youth group came late in the day. The gymnasium was
filled with cafeteria style tables, with the adults mingling about -- many
were off near the kitchen cooking and others were setting up the buffet.
Many older couples were sitting down already and there was a small crowd by
the pastor. My mother and father joined that crowed and were off in their
own little world while I walked over to a corner by myself.
Aaron approached me from behind, somewhat startling me. His square
face and neatly compact hair looked at me intently. He didn't say a word;
instead he just stood as if I had invited him to do so.
"Oh Will honey, come over here," my mother hollered from the crowd.
I looked over at Aaron. "I gotta -- go."
"Hey Will, this is Pastor Jennings," my dad said as I came close.
"Pastor, this is William, our son -- remember? The one that needs help,"
he nudged.
I looked at her as I grunted my eyebrows. He spoke as if I were
some kind of disease. The pastor looked me over intently, walking around
me -- his eyes gazing up and down my body. I felt like I was under
examination. I stood dumbfounded, not knowing what to say or do.
"Yes, I remember," Pastor Jennings finally spoke. "We can help him.
He will know the way soon enough. It's no problem. We help kids like him
often enough." He turned his attention back to my parents. "Kids like
William are just confused. They mix up feelings in confusion and
misinterpret them."
I couldn't believe what I was listening to -- as if I weren't there
-- just some invalid who couldn't understand English. My parents and
Pastor Jennings continued to talk about me, but I tuned them out. I watch
the scene of bodies forming a line to the buffet. I didn't feel hungry now
for some reason. My appetite hid away under my disgust for how the adults
treated me.
I turned around and found Aaron standing two feet behind me.
"Shit -- don't scare me like that dude!" I exclaimed. "What are ya
doin'?"
"Nothin' really -- wanna grab some dinner?" he asked.
"Oh, ok I suppose."
We took a spot in the line -- not really the back but somewhere
near the middle right after some slow old couple that took fifteen minutes
to walk up. Aaron was right behind me in the buffet line and took just
about the exact same thing as me. I noticed this as he always just said
"same thing, please" to the servers. We sat off in the opposite location
and made small talk. We were soon joined by Benjamin and a few other youth
group kids.
Once my parents got through the line, my mother came over to me.
"William -- Ben come join us at our table," My mother asked.
"What? Why? I'm sittin' here."
"You two need to sit with the family," she insisted.
"But I'm sittin' with my friends," I barked back. I wasn't in the
mood to be bossed around. The food was bland and bad food usually put me
in a weird mood.
"Don't raise your voice at me William," she ordered.
"OK -- I'm sorry. But can't I just sit here with my friends?"
"Fine. You can sit here for dinner. After youth study, we have a
meeting with the Pastor. Don't forget."
My mom left and I noticed Aaron's eyes fixating onto me. His face
grew into a wide grin.
"What?" I asked.
Aaron shook his head. "Meeting with the Pastor? What's that all
about?"
"Nu'in really," I said.
We finished dinner in relative silence. The other kids made small
talk but I wasn't interested in conversation. Aaron appeared the same way.
During youth group study, I kept my mind busy with Matt. I wish he
were here with me. Aaron and a few of these kids are cool, but they aren't
Matt. They don't level up to the adorability of Matt.
On my way out of youth group study, I proceeded to where I thought
my parents would be. I stepped outside the gymnasium and waited in the
chilly winter weather. A light drizzle was raining down, but it didn't
bother me. I was sick of the inside and I'd only been there twice. I saw
a stream of adults walking in the other gym's entrance, but didn't see my
parents.
The door opened behind me, but I didn't bother to look and see who
it was. I heard the footsteps behind me stop and the door shut close. I
pretended not to care who it was, but my curiosity got the better of me. I
glanced around trying to pretend not to be looking. I saw a glimpse of the
apricot hair standing beside me. Aaron was staring off in the same
direction as I was.
We stood in silence as the stream of adults died down and soon we
were alone outside. I could hear the faint noises of commotion from inside
as the night was winding down. Finally the door opened behind us and an
old couple came out. They walked toward their car and left. Moments
later, a few more people did the same. The crowd inside was dispersing and
soon enough, my mother appeared, dragging me off to my meeting with the
pastor.
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Questions and/or Comments?
I love hearing from those who read. It really inspires me to write more.
wcordova98@yahoo.com
Coming February 24th -- Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Apricot Plan