Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 07:51:45 -0500
From: fsw99 <fsw99@pop.mindspring.com>
Subject: Chapters 13 of You Can't Go Back

Legal Notice: The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.

 Don't read this story if: **You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

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or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's permission
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			     You Can't Go Back

				  By Stan

(First, this is a true story as told to me by Dave. Dave was 12 when this
happened, so he doesn't remember all of the events, so I have to make up
some things. I will keep it as close to truth as I can. This happened
almost ten years ago, but it will be told in flashbacks and mingled in with
true events that happen to our group of young gay guys (and one old gay
guy, me). Or, things that have already happened that we are still dealing
with. I hope you enjoy this method of telling a story. I've never tried
anything like this before. If you are looking for lots of sex in the story,
better look elsewhere. This is more real life stuff. Sorry!

If you are curious about our group, we have our own web site. It is at
www.gayfreezone.homestead.com. Feel free to check us out. If you are a
young gay guy with problems, we are still accepting new members.)

			     Chapter Thirteen

PE was totally different. Bruce had always been one of the better players,
but this time, he was picked last. No one wanted to have anything to do
with him.

He kept looking at me. I would catch his glance, but I was so ashamed of
myself, I couldn't return his gaze.

The showers afterwards were the worse thing. Half the boys went out of
their way not to let Bruce see them naked. The other half taunted him in
the showers. Several got hard ons, and came up to him and asked for a blow
job. He did like I had done the first day. He tried to shower as fast as
possible and get out of there, but several boys caught him and pinned him
to the floor on his stomach.

One boy was hard and said, "Hold him and I'll give him what he really
wants", as he got behind him and faked putting his dick into Bruce's
butt. He was saved by the Coach coming in after he heard all the racket and
saying, "What the Hell is going on in here?"

Everyone got up and the boy with the hard on quickly went back
down. Nothing like fear to do that to you. "We're just kidding around,
Coach," Eric said.

"Why in the Hell were you holding him down on the floor?"

"He's gay, Coach. We just thought that's what he wanted."

"What is this, an award?" the Coach laughed. One more gay hater in the
crowd.

"We weren't going to really do it. That's what he wants, and we don't want
to give him any pleasure. We were just having fun."

"Well, not in my showers, understand? I could get fired if you ever
actually did that. I guess a little horse play is Ok. Bruce, you're Ok,
aren't you?"

Bruce got to his feet, and said, "I guess so."

"Good. Hurry up now, and get dressed. And no more horsing around." He
walked off, and as he rounded the corner said, "For today."

Bruce looked at me with real fear in his eyes this time. I almost bust into
tears. This was totally out of control and there was nothing I could do to
stop it. I had two choices. I could admit I was gay too, and face the same
torture or keep silent and protect myself. But, if I did that, I would be
totally betraying Bruce. Oh shit! What could I do?

Bruce almost ran out of the showers, accompanied my hoots and hollers. "We
really should have fucked the little faggot. It would have served him
right."

Everyone finished up, just like nothing had happened. Hate was rampant in
Littleton High School.

***********************************

School was finally over for the day. Eric and his friends finally weren't
around and I saw Bruce. I started to go up to him, but changed my mind. I
was scared that someone would see me with him.

He saw me, though. "Dave. Wait up."

Oh shit. What do I do now? I started to turn around and then thought of all
the others. People were walking by us all the time, and one of them could
come by at any minute. I took the safe way out. I kept waking.

Bruce yelled after me. "What's wrong? What did I do? Suddenly, you hate
me!"

I turned around and looked him in the eye, and suddenly, all my guilt and
fear hit me at once. I actually got physically sick, and threw up right in
front of him. I was totally ashamed of myself. I couldn't face him. I
turned around and ran out of the door that was right in front of me.

Bruce's version, from his diary:

4/19

What have I done? Dave isn't even speaking to me anymore. I thought he
loved me! He said that nothing could ever split us up, and now at the time
I need him the most, he isn't even talking to me! I asked him what was
wrong, and he just walked away. I yelled after him, asking what I had done
wrong, and he threw up right there. I don't know what's wrong with me. My
father says he will stop hitting me when I say I'm not gay anymore. Maybe I
will, just to get him to stop.

************************************

I couldn't get to sleep last night until well into the night. All I could
think about was what Bruce was going through and my cowardice. I wanted to
help him. I wanted to help him stand up to the others, but I just
couldn't. I was scared out of my mind about what they would do to me,
too. I was really afraid for Bruce, but also more scared for myself.

I made up my mind to try and make everyone leave Bruce alone. I wouldn't
admit that I was gay too, but I had to do something to try and help
Bruce. I loved him and I had to do something!

With those thoughts firmly in my mind, I was finally able to drop off to
sleep.

************************************

I watched Bruce walk dejectedly to the bus the next morning. His cut lip
was very swollen. I wanted him to come and sit with me, but he took the
first seat up front and didn't even look my way. I couldn't blame him, with
the way I had been avoiding him. I had to change that.

I started to get up and join him, but Eric got on and sat down next to
me. "Hi Dave. What's up?  You don't seem to be in a very good mood this
morning."

"I was just thinking about Bruce. We need to start leaving him alone. He
hasn't done anything to any of us."

"What? Are you out of your mind? He's a fucking faggot, remember? He
deserves what we give him and lots more than that."

"Eric, he's been your friend for a long time, remember? You were best
friends. He never did anything to you. Why do you hate him so much now?"

Eric just looked at me for a long time without saying a word. "You know, I
never completely believed you weren't a fag, too. But you are turning into
a fag lover. I thought you were like all of us. We totally hate
fags. They're the lowest scum of the earth. If you would rather fuck a
boy's hairy butt than a girl's pussy, you don't deserve to live. That's how
I feel, and all my buddies feel the same way. I think I'll just change
seats, if you don't mind."

He got up and walked back further in the bus, despite the bus driver
yelling at him for getting up when it was in motion. ‘Oh, shit. I may be
in for it now,' I thought to myself.

I could hear my name come up in Eric's conversation. He was purposely
talking loud so I could hear him. I was in for it now, I was sure of it.

When the bus finally stopped in front of our school, Bruce was the first to
get off. I think he felt like if he could run past everyone outside, he
would be safe once he got inside. It didn't work, though. Several older
boys were waiting on him.

He tried to run away from them, but there were too many of them. They
caught him and pulled him into the middle of them. "What's the matter, fag
boy? You don't want to talk to all of your friends?" one taunted.

"Just leave me alone, will you? I haven't done anything to any of you,"
Bruce yelled.

"Look, we don't want much. All we want to do is have you go behind the gym
with me and my buddies and give us all a blow job before school. We are all
horny in the mornings, and we would really appreciate it," he said with a
big grin on his face.

"Fuck you!" Bruce yelled back.

"Now, that's not a nice thing to say when we're trying to be friendly, is
it guys? Maybe he thinks he's better than us. He would suck some guy's
cock, but not ours. Look, I took a shower this morning. It will be all nice
and clean for you. Sure you won't change your mind?"

"I think we have two that wouldn't mind giving out some free blow jobs,"
Eric said, as he and another boy caught me by the arm and drug me into the
front of the crowd.

All my resolve to help Bruce was instantly replaced with terror. "Leave me
alone. I'm not gay, you ass holes!"

"He says he isn't, but he was taking Bruce's side on the bus. I think he
also needs to understand what we do to people that support fags," Eric
shouted and pushed me into the middle with Bruce.

"That may be a good idea, Eric. If you like fags, I think that's just one
step from admitting you are a fag too. What do you think, guys?"

Everyone around the circle smiled and nodded their heads yes. What happened
next is kind of a blur. My books went flying out of my arms, and the single
circle became two. I was pushed back and forth between all the other boys
over and over again until I was scared I was going to be beaten
severely. But all they did was use me like a ball in some very weird
game. I heard someone yelling "I'm not gay, dammit! Leave me alone!" I
guess it was me. It happened so fast, I'm not sure what I did.

I finally tripped and fell. I was expecting all the others to start kicking
me while I was down, but they didn't. The circle kind of disbursed and went
to join the one around Bruce.

Bruce was about at his breaking point. He was getting constantly abused at
school, and then beaten my his father at home every night. He finally
reached his limit, when they all started to not just push him, but hit him
when he was hurled in their direction before he was pushed on to the next
person. He finally fell down and curled into a fetal position and started
crying. He yelled "Leave me alone!" That seemed to be just what they all
wanted. They did.

"Oh look. The little fag boy is crying. See, you could have avoided all of
this if you had just given us a few blow jobs like we wanted. Now, don't go
home and tell your Mommy on us, Ok? We don't want to get into any
trouble. Come on, guys. Let's leave fag boy alone. I think he might need to
go and get cleaned up before school."

Most of the crowd walked away, but Eric and a couple of his friends came
over to me. "Look, I explained this once, and this is the last time I'm
going to tell you. What we did today was a warning. You are either with us
or with Bruce. No middle ground. You get what he gets, or you stay away
from him. You understand?"

I looked over at Bruce, who was still laying on the ground, sobbing. My
heart was breaking. But I looked up at Eric and said, "Yeah, I understand."

"That still doesn't tell us what you are going to do from now on. Who's
side are you on?" Eric demanded.

I glanced one more time at Bruce, who was starting to get up. The rest of
my resolve dissolved.  "Yours. I just feel sorry for him."

That earned me a slap upside my head from Eric. "No middle ground,
remember? No feeling sorry for fag boy. No wanting to help him out. No
talking to him. This is your last warning. If you are a fag lover, or maybe
a fag yourself, you are going to get what he gets. Now, either go with us
now, or we'll deal with you later."

I looked over one more time at Bruce, and started to pick up all of my
books that were everywhere. I looked up when I was finished, and all of
them were staring at me. What could I do? I didn't have a choice. Right?
Right? "Ok," I said, and walked off with them.

Bruce continued to get harassed and beaten up every day. The showers after
PE were the worst.  Then, every boy in our class seemed to want to pick on
Bruce. The next day, he finally broke down again. I guess he had taken all
he could take.

He whirled around when someone goosed him and screamed, "What's wrong with
you guys?  You've all been my friends since we started school
together. What have I done to make everyone hate me?" Tears were rolling
down his cheeks.

Like always, it was Eric who spoke up. "It's not one thing, it's lots of
things. We now know that you have been staring at us in the showers for
years, like a hungry man would stare at a table full of food. I've spent
the night with you many times and slept in the same bed with you. I'm sure
some of the other guys have too. There is no telling what you did to us
when we were asleep. It just gives me the creeps, and the others think so
too. All this time, we were thinking you were normal, and now we find out
you are a fag. It's disgusting."

"I'm still the same person. I have never looked at any of you any more than
you have looked at me, and you know it. And I've never done anything to
anybody when they were asleep. I didn't choose to be this way. God made me
this way," Bruce cried.

"God had nothing to do with it. In the Bible, it says you are going to Hell
if you are a fag.  Everyone knows that."

"No it doesn't. It doesn't say anything like that, only people should love
each other."

"Not the way you want to love all of us. I don't think it says anything
about putting you dick up someone's butt," Eric said, and turned back
around. Everyone laughed, and Bruce fled the showers like he done before.

4/22

4/22

My life is fucking over. Nobody cares about me, all they want to do is yell
at me or hit me. I have lost my best friend, my lover, because, because, I
don't know why. All I know is I did something to make him hate me! Whatever
it is, I would gladly take it back just so he would talk to me again. Maybe
I'll send him a letter. Maybe if I tell him how I feel he'll come back to
me. All I want is all those times we shared together. I don't know how much
longer I can hold out without him. He is my life and my strength. All I
need is him and he's not here. I think I should just leave and never come
back. Then I will never have to listen to anyone again.

**************************************

Nothing changed in the days to follow. Bruce wouldn't even fight back
whenever someone picked on him. If someone knocked his books out of his
hand, he would just calmly start picking them up without saying anything or
even looking at the person. His eyes seemed to never leave the ground
except in class.

The worst thing was now even the younger kids were taunting him. They
wouldn't try and beat him up or hit him, but they were brave enough to say
mean things when he passed them in the halls or on the school bus. He
became a total loner. I felt shitty all over, but I just couldn't make
myself try and help him and get the same abuse he was getting.

And it didn't end in school. Bruce still wouldn't tell his Dad he wasn't
gay and his Dad was a man of his word. He had made up his mind that he was
going to beat all the evil thoughts out of his son's head or die
trying. So, he would beat Bruce everyday, usually when he came in from work
and had been thinking about what Bruce had told him and had built up fresh
anger as the day progressed.

4/24

I've made up my mind. I'm gonna leave. I don't know where I will go, but I
know I can't stay here with everyone hating me. Am I a bad person? I just
don't know anymore. I must be to drive everyone I cared about away from
me. Well, my Dad's home. Here we go again.

*************************************

If it was possible, Bruce feelings and self esteem hit rock bottom the next
two days. I still hadn't talked to him and if anything, the abuse at school
was getting worse instead of better.

It was about the same with his Dad. He was extremely frustrated that Bruce
wouldn't give in to his beatings and admit he wasn't gay. He really wanted
to stop the beatings. He knew that Bruce was so sore he was constantly
limping around the house. His wife was on his back to stop, but he just
couldn't make himself. He loved Bruce, but he was sure that he would go to
Hell if he didn't change his ways, and he was just the man to make him do
it..

4-26

That's it, I can't take any more. I'm leaving. But going anywhere is not
going to help. There is only one way out. I'll go where no one can follow,
where no one will care about me, or my feelings. I thought I would be
scared, but right now I have absolutely no fear. This is the first time in
two weeks that I don't care about anyone else. Maybe they will know now
that I was a good person, and they will leave me alone.

To be continued.

Comments are always appreciated. They can be sent to
stan992001@hotmail.com.

Visit our web site. <www.gayfreezone.homestead.com>