Date: Wed, 03 May 2000 19:19:13 EDT
From: William Watts <bwstories44@hotmail.com>
Subject: You Pass This Way But Once - chapter 18

Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

Don't read this story if:
**You're not 18 or over,
**If it is illegal to read this type of material where you live,
**Or if you don't want to read about gay/bi people in love or having sex.

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website or reproducing this story for distribution without the author's
permission is a violation of that copyright.  Legal action will be taken
against violators.

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section.

E-mail responses to the stories, story suggestions or other 'constructive'
comments or advice may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com

		*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You Pass This Way But Once - by BW
            Copyright 2000 by bwstories44
Chapter 18 - The straw the broke the camel's back.
            March 2000

That Monday I talked Seth into going back to school with me.  It wasn't
easy but I explained that with his parents out of town half of his problems
were solved.  As far as the other half, I told him that we'd face those
together.  I think that he did this more for me than for himself, as he was
concerned that I'd get kicked out of school if I missed many more days.  I
took Seth to his homeroom and then I went down to the office to talk to the
principal.  I explained the situation to him and asked for his help.  I
needed to make sure that Seth had a hassle free week at school and I was
hoping that he would get the school psychologist to talk to Seth and help
him work his way through some of his problems.  The principal was very
understanding and cooperative and I thanked him for his help.

I made a brief stop in my homeroom before I went to my first period class.
I kept an eye on Seth throughout the whole day and I was surprised to see
that he was doing fine.  I thought that seeing some of these other people
might bring back old memories and depress him more but he was doing quite
well.  When classes were over we went back home and he seemed to be in a
decent mood.  He even carried on a normal conversation with my parents at
dinner.  When his father got back from his trip, I was going to have to try
to convince him to let change schools so we could start over.  I think that
we could make it in a new setting.

That night when we went to bed I decided to take advantage of Seth's change
in attitude.  As soon as we had both undressed and were in bed, I made my
move.  I began to kiss Seth and show him how I felt about him.  We hadn't
had any sex with each other in quite some time.  Passionately, I let my
lips cover his and I rubbed my tongue over and around his sweet, ruby lips.
He parted them slightly and I let my tongue push its way past them and
entered his mouth.  For the first time, in what seemed like forever, I was
sucking up Seth's unique flavor again.  We were letting our tongues brush
and dart over each other's muscle as he began to take an active part in
this activity.  I think that he had missed this as much as I had.  We
kissed for a while longer and then I moved down to his chest to nurse on
those tiny pink nubs that I loved to suck on.  I worked on first one and
then the other, bathing them in saliva, nipping at the erect little flaps
of skin and sucking those little circles like it was the most important
thing in my life.  When I was satisfied with my effort, I moved on.

Now I slid lower on his torso, focusing on the piece de resistance.  I
rubbed my hand over and around his slender shaft and tight scrotum resting
under the thin cotton material of his briefs, enjoying the feel of his
boyhood and knowing how aroused I was making him get.  I put my fingers
under the waistband of his jockeys and pulled them over his erection and
down his legs.  I lowered my head down to his groin and let my tongue dart
out to lick and clean his firm boy meat.  I licked the clear pre-cum from
his slit and rolled it around inside my mouth, enjoying its sweet clean
taste.  I moved down between his legs and began to work on his ball sac,
using my tongue to examine every millimeter of his hairless bag.  I took
his testicles into my mouth and sucked on them like I was trying to suck
the yoke out of an egg.  Seth was beginning to moan and squirm around on
the bed so I increased my efforts on his family jewels.

When I moved back up to his rod, I licked my way back up the shaft and slid
my mouth over and down his stiffie.  I moved my head up and down on his
pole, letting my tongue slide against the sensitive skin while I applied
the suction with the rest of my mouth.  I used my free hand to knead his
nut sac, stimulating his nerve endings as my fingers glided around the
loose skin and watery nuggets.
  Seth tasted as good as I remembered and I worked him with all of the
skill I had.  It wasn't long before I felt his penis expand in my mouth and
the warm, thick liquid gush down my throat.  I continued to suck on him
until the last drop of his juice was teased from his slit and then I let it
drop from my between my lips.  I moved back up beside Seth and kissed him
once more before I pulled him into my arms and we drifted off to sleep.  I
remember hearing Seth whisper something to me before I lost consciousness.
It sounded like, "Thanks, Logan.  I needed that."

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday went well at school and Seth did not suffer
from any negative episodes.  We were both in good mood when we got to my
house Thursday afternoon.  Mom told Seth that he had received a letter in
the mail.  It was addressed to him with our house number and street listed
on the envelope.  We couldn't tell who had sent the letter, as it had no
return address.  It was postmarked from Miami, Florida, though.  Seth took
the letter up to my room and read it.  When he didn't come back down for a
long time, I went up to find him.  He was lying on my bed staring at the
ceiling, his face streaked with the tears that he had shed since he had
been there.  When I asked him what was wrong he wouldn't answer.  I had no
idea what could have been contained in that letter that had set him off.  I
knew that I would have to try and find out if I was going to be able to
help him.  Seth was very withdrawn all evening and, except for dinner, he
spent most of the night alone in my room.  When I went to bed that evening,
Seth was still awake and I could tell he had been crying again.  I tried to
be affectionate with him but he pushed me away and let me know he wasn't
interested.  I decided that I shouldn't give up and that I should try to
get him to talk his problem out.

"What's up Seth?  Who was that letter from?"  He didn't answer me.  "Come
on, Seth.  Let me help you.  I know that it was that letter that got you
feeling bad again.  Who was it from and what did it say?"

He looked at me annoyed before he spoke.  "Look, Logan.  I know that you
want to help but there's nothing that you can do for me any more.  There's
nothing anyone can do for me."

"What do you mean?  There's always something that can be done.  Who was
that letter from?"

He looked at me and the tears started cascading from his eyes.  Soon, his
chest was beginning to heave as the sobbing increased and then he lost it
completely, burying his head into my chest.

"Why can't he just love me Logan?  Is that too much to ask?  Why does he
have to keep reminding me what a disappointment I am to him and how queers
are so repugnant?  Logan, I can't take any more of this.  I can't deal with
the fact that I'm gay and that nearly everyone hates gays.
  Logan, I don't know what I'm going to do but I can't stand this any
longer.  I can't stand feeling this way or hurting this much.  I hate my
life and I hate me.  I want out of here.  I can't take it any more."

"Seth, calm down and relax.  Just lie here with me and put all of that
stuff out of your mind.  Forget about your dad and all of the bad things.
Just go to sleep and things will look better in the morning."  I put my arm
around Seth and held him tight.  That explains where the letter came from.
I just wish his father would back off and leave him alone for a while.
Seth needs some time to heal and get over these feelings.  I held him in my
arms and I watched his face as he lie there beside me.  I was hoping that
he would fall asleep before I did.  I don't remember dozing off but I can't
remember Seth falling to sleep either.  The next thing I knew it was
morning and I was alone in my bed.  I jumped out from under the covers,
threw on some clothes and went downstairs to look for Seth.  My mother and
father were there but Seth was nowhere around.  Frantically I asked my
parents if they had seen him at all and they said they had not and they had
been up for about a half an hour.

"We've got to find him.  He was really upset last night.  It was all
because of that damn letter from his father.  I'm scared.  I think he might
try to do something to himself.  We've got to find him fast."

"Where do you think he's gone?"

"I don't know but I think we should check his house first, especially since
his father made such a big deal about him not going there."

"I'll drive you over there.  Go out and get in the car and I'll be right
there."  I went out to the driveway and got into dad's car.  He joined me
shortly and we were driving down the street.  Within minutes we were
pulling up in front of Seth's house.  The front door was locked and the
house was dark.  I went running around the rear of the house to check the
back door when I saw the window broken, the door slightly open.  I started
to go into the house when I realized that I could hear a car running in the
garage.  The house was on a corner lot with the house facing one street and
with the garage behind the house, facing the other street.  I scream for my
dad to come to the garage and I went to the overhead door.  The door was
down and I couldn't get it open.  I ran to the side and looked through the
window and I could see the car and the haze from the exhaust fumes but
nothing else.  I ran to the rear corner of the building where there was a
small door.  It was locked too so I punched out a pane of glass and reached
through the opening to let myself in.  I started choking the minute I
entered the garage.  I ran to the front of the building an opened the large
overhead door to let out the exhaust so I could breath and see the area
better.  I ran back to the car, opened the driver's door and I saw Seth
slumped across the seat.  I shut off the engine and pulled Seth from the
car.  I dragged him out the front, through the opening from the overhead
door, and I spread his limp body on the grass.  I screamed for my dad
again, checked for a pulse and determined if he was breathing before I
started CPR.

I saw my father come around the corner and I screamed for him to get the
cell phone and call 911.  While he was doing that, I was trying to remember
my boy scout CPR training so I go to work on Seth.  I arched his neck and
cleared his airway, blew two quick breaths into his lungs and then I did 15
compressions on his chest.  I checked for a pulse and then repeated the
procedure, two breaths and 15 compressions.  I kept going, concentrating on
my counts and maintaining proper form, when my dad came around the corner
and said the ambulance was on the way.  I performed two more repetitions
before we began to hear the sirens and, before I finished another two
repetitions of the life saving technique, the rescue squad was taking over
the emergency procedures.

They zapped Seth's chest with those paddles and they soon had his heart
beating.  Next, they put an oxygen mask over his face and tried to replace
the carbon monoxide in his system with pure oxygen.  They loaded him onto a
stretcher and put him in the back of the ambulance.  I wanted to ride with
them but they told me that I couldn't.  Dad and I ran around and got into
our car and we followed the ambulance to the hospital.  I was in tears once
the reality of the situation set in and I began praying that God would save
Seth's life and let me help him cope with his problems.  I loved Seth and I
couldn't even think of going through life without him.  All I could think
about was Seth and his father and about how I hated that man for doing this
to his son.

Soon we pulling into the parking lot for the emergency room and we raced
across the blacktop to where the rescue squad was wheeling Seth through the
door.  They let us follow them back to the emergency area but they made us
stay back as they continued to work on my best friend.  There were numerous
doctors and nurses scurrying around trying to make sure that Seth survived
his attempt at ending his own life.  They were inserting IV's, placing
monitors on his chest, placing an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and
drawing blood samples so they could check the chemical levels in his
system.
  We watched them move around the room but it all began to appear as though
the whole scene was taking place in slow motion.  I was sobbing heavily now
and my father pulled me into his chest and tried to comfort me.

A nurse approached me and told me that I should let her treat my arm.  When
I looked down, it was then that I discovered that my arm had been sliced
open when I broke the window to get into the garage.  It was a vertical
gash going up my arm and, after she stopped the bleeding and applied some
antiseptic, she got a doctor to sew it up for me.  It took sixteen stitches
to close the wound.  When they had finished with me, we went back to see
how Seth was doing.  We stood there for an eternity before the announced
that they were going to be moving him out of the emergency ward and into a
room in the critical care unit.

We followed the nurses as they wheeled Seth down to corridor to the
elevator.  We went up a couple of floors before the doors opened and they
pushed him off of the elevator, down another corridor and into a room.  We
were asked to wait outside while they got him situated and it was about
another twenty minutes before we were allowed in.  Seth was lying there
motionless on the bed, tubes running out of both arms, machines attached to
his body and a tube running from the tip of his penis to a bag that hung on
the side of the bed, allowing him to eliminate urine from his body.  He
skin was grayish in color and his flesh was cool to the touch.  He was
breathing and his heart was beating but he didn't show any other signs of
being alive.  I knelt over Seth and kissed his forehead as my dad placed
his hand on my shoulder to let me know that he was still there for us.

After being in the room for a while longer, I told dad to go ahead and
leave and I'd stay with Seth.  My father wasn't sure that he should leave
me alone just yet but I told them that I needed time with Seth so I could
tell him what was on my mind.  While we were discussing this possibility
Seth's doctor came in to check on him again.  After he completed his
examination, he talked to us about Seth's condition.

"He's alive but I can't guarantee how this will turn out.  It is possible
that he might have some brain damage from the prolonged exposure to carbon
monoxide or there could possibly be some residual effects from this
incident, things that we might not discover for some time yet.  All I can
tell you for certain is that he would have been dead by now if you hadn't
discovered him and performed CPR when you did.  If he lives, he has you to
thank for saving his life.  I'll make my rounds again in a couple of hours
and I'll tell you whether we have learned anything more at that time."

We thanked the doctor as he left and, then, my dad turned to me.  "He's
right.  You saved Seth's life earlier.  I'm not sure I would have been able
to remember my training and do what you did for him.  I've decided that I'm
going to grant your request and leave the two of you alone."  He handed me
a ten-dollar bill and a handful of change.  "This is for you to use to get
anything you might need while you're here and I want you to call me at home
or at the office if the situation changes or if you need anything.  I'll
stop back later."

I kissed dad good-bye and he left me sitting beside Seth.  I just sat there
staring at my buddy, composing what I wanted to say to him in my mind.  It
took me several minutes before I was ready but I bent my head close to
Seth's ear and I began to speak.

"Seth, it's me Logan.  I think that I know why you did this but I don't
agree with your solution to the problem.  I need to tell you things, now,
while I've got a chance.  I love you Seth and I need you.  You can't leave
me like this.  You're a part of me and you're a part of my life.
  If you die then a part of me will die with you.  I can't afford to lose
you, Seth.  I need your love and I need to feel you beside me.  I don't
know how I'd be able to live if you're not there with me.

"I told you that we'd get through this together.  Why didn't you believe
me?
  Why didn't you trust me and let me help you?  Why didn't you let my
family take care of you?  I know how you feel about your father but you
can't let the bastard win.  If you die, only you and I and the rest of your
friends lose, not your father.  He may feel guilty for bringing you to this
extreme but you would be the big loser here.  I love you Seth, more today
than ever and more tomorrow than even that.  You've got to start fighting.
You've got to start wanting to live again.  You've got to focus on the good
things in life and not be distracted by the bad.  You've got to concentrate
on the people who love you and ignore the rest the scum that haunt us.
Don't leave me Seth.  I couldn't handle that at all."

I didn't know what else to tell him because we'd covered this ground
several times before and Seth, obviously, hadn't absorbed the message then
either.  I needed a new approach, a new way to make my point.  I struggled
to think of something new to say or a new way to say it.
  I fought with myself over every idea the popped into my mind trying to
refine and polish every thought until I finally gave up and discarded them
all.  I was stumped and short on solutions.  Frustrated, I bent over his
head and I closed my eyes.

"Dear God," I began, "I know that I'm not a regular caller on your prayer
line but I need your help.  My best friend, my lover is lying here before
me and I need you to make him better.  He's a great guy and an even better
friend and his only fault is that he's gay.  There are so many bigots down
here that can't accept that and they think that you would never accept a
gay person into heaven.  It is people like these that drove me away from
you in the first place because I was afraid they might be right.  I was
scared because I'm gay too but I don't really believe that I'm a bad person
because of it.  The God I learned about in church was a loving God.  He was
a God who said 'to love others as myself' and 'do for others what you want
them to do for you'.  I can't believe that loving God would turn his back
on his creatures and send them to hell just because they loved someone of
the same sex, even though they were decent and god-fearing people
otherwise.

"Seth is one of these people.  He is a loving and caring person and he is a
decent human being.  He was even willing to give up his own life rather
than to bring pain to others.  He couldn't live with the guilt that he was
feeling for causing his father pain and anguish over his sexual identity.
He knew that he couldn't change the fact that he was gay so he was willing
to take his own life rather than be a constant irritant to his dad.  I'm
not as generous as he is.  I'm selfish and I'll admit it.  I need Seth in
my life and I can't imagine living without him.  I need your help God.  I
need you to make him well again.  Please, God, if you ever do anything for
me at all, please do this.  Please give me back my lover and my friend and
I'll never ask you for anything else again."

I couldn't think of anything else to say and I wasn't sure if I could
continue even if I could think of more.  I reached out and stroked Seth's
hair and kissed him on the cheek.  I squeezed his hand and whispered once
more in his ear.  "Please come back to me Seth.  Don't you dare ever leave
me."

My dad came back after work and sat with me a while.  He wanted me to go
home but I told him that I wasn't going to leave until Seth regained
consciousness.  I'm not leaving his side until he can tell me that he's all
right and that he won't do anything stupid like that again.  Reluctantly
dad agreed with me and he went down to the cafeteria to get me something to
eat.  He brought my meal back to Seth's room so I could eat it there.  He
made sure that I downed it all before he left and he told me that he'd
bring me a change of clothes in the morning.  I kissed him good-bye and sat
back down next to Seth and I placed his hand between the two of mine.

I don't know how long I'd been sitting there before I noticed some movement
in the doorway.  I looked up and there stood Robbie, a sad expression
covering his face and tears flowing down his cheeks.  I stood up and
reached my arms out toward him and he came running up to me, throwing his
arms around my waist.

"I just found out.  What happened, Logan?  Is it true the Seth tried to
kill himself?"

"Yes, Robbie, I'm afraid he did.  He got a letter from his father and I
guess that he just couldn't live with what it said.  I never saw it but I
knew that it hurt him terribly.  I didn't think that he would do something
like this or I would never have gone to sleep that night.  Oh, Robbie, I'm
so scared.  I can't lose him.  I don't know if I can live without him."  I
started crying and Robbie hugged me tighter.

"He's going to be OK, Logan.  I just know he will.  Don't worry, he'll be
fine."  He paused until I had regained my composure and then he looked me
in the eyes.  "Is it true what they're saying?  I heard that you saved his
life."

"I did CPR until the ambulance got there and the doctor told me that he
would have died without it.  I don't even really remember doing it, though
my dad saw me work on him.  All I remember is how he looked and that his
heart wasn't beating and he wasn't breathing.  I wasn't going to let him
die so I just started doing things.  I'm not even sure if I was doing them
correctly.  I just knew that I had to do something to try to keep him
alive."

"Well, a bunch of people are calling you a hero and I agree with them.  I
know Seth will agree with me when he comes to."

Robbie stayed with me and we talked about Seth and all the problems that
led up to this.  No matter how big the other problems were, I think we
could have survived this rough period in our lives if his father had been
willing to accept him for who he is.  No matter what happens, I will always
blame his dad for pushing him to the brink and then over it.  Robbie stayed
with me until his father made him go home.  I continued to sit with Seth
until I fell asleep in the chair.

I didn't dream that night and I didn't have a restful slumber.  I merely
passed out in the chair, totally exhausted from the long day that I had
just been through and the emotional stress that I had been under.  When I
awoke, it was Saturday morning and my mother and father were standing on
the other side of Seth's bed waiting for me to wake up.

		*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

If you have enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mails may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com.