Date: Tue, 04 Apr 2000 11:28:14 EDT
From: William Watts <bwstories44@hotmail.com>
Subject: You Pass This Way But Once - Chapter 2

Legal Notice:
The following story contains descriptions of graphic sexual acts.
The story is a work of fiction and has no basis in reality.

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		*    *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You Pass This Way But Once - by BW                                           
            Copyright 2000 by bwstories44
Chapter 2 - I need dad's advice.                                             
                         March 2000

That night at home, I wasn't very talkative.  I was thinking about my
reactions to Seth.  Could I truly be gay?  What would I do if I were?  All
sorts of other questions kept popping into my mind until I decided that I
would just have to get my dad alone and ask him some questions.  I know
what you're thinking.  How could I talk to my dad about something like
this?  Well, my dad's real cool and he's easy to talk to.  He doesn't
overreact about things and he is generally very thoughtful, insightful and
supportive in conversations of this nature.  He had already given me my
pre-puberty sex talk and it was then that I became comfortable asking him
questions about sex, although none of the questions were about being gay.
I'm sure he would handle this the same way and, besides, whom else could I
trust enough to talk to them about this problem?

I went downstairs to find my dad.  He was sitting in the living room
reading the evening newspaper as I approached him.  "Dad, I need to talk to
you."

"Fine, have a seat."

"No dad.  I need to talk to you in private.  Can we go to my room?"

"I'm not sure what needs to be kept so secret but all right."  We ascended
the stairs to my room.

"So what the secret, tiger?"

"Dad, I've got a big problem and I need your help."

"So what's this big problem?"

"Dad, it's.well.it's just.oh, dad.  I don't know how to say this."

"Why don't you just try to say it straight out.  Don't hesitate."

"Dad, I'm gay.  There I've said it."

"So what makes you think you're gay?"  He didn't even hesitate or act
surprised.

"I'm really attracted to this new boy and I get.you know.all messed up when
I see him."

"I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me."

"You know dad.  My dick gets real hard when I see him without his clothes
on.  I think about him like that all the time and I seem obsessed with
him."

"That doesn't mean you're gay.  It just means that you're a young man who
has reached puberty and is beginning to get excited about sexual things."

"No, dad.  I wish it was as simple as that but I know that I'm gay.  I
can't get Seth out of my mind.  Heck, I even dream about doing things with
him and last night I stayed hard all evening because of him."

"Well, what would be the big deal if you were gay."

"Be real, dad.  Do you know what the other guys would do to me if they
found out that I was queer?"

"Do you really care what the other guys think or do?"

"Are you kidding?  YES I care.  They'll be calling me names, making jokes
about me, whispering things to each other about me and some of them might
even want to beat me up because of it."

"Logan, if you are gay there is nothing you can do to change it.  You'll
have to learn to accept it.  You are what you are and you're going to have
to learn to deal with those other boys the best that you can."

"But dad.  You don't understand.  I don't WANT to be gay."

"How can I put this Logan?  If you're gay there is no way to change it.  If
you're bisexual you might be able to repress your gay feelings but if
you're truly gay, well, I don't see any way around that except if you
decide to be celibate."

"What's that?"

"That means that you stay away from sex all together.  You won't be gay,
you won't be bisexual and you won't be straight.  You won't have any sex
life at all."

"That's my only choice?"

"Yes.  That's it."

"But that's not fair."

"Maybe it isn't but life is definitely not fair."

"Why not?"

"I t just isn't.  If life was fair we wouldn't have rich people or poor
people just people who are financially comfortable.  No one would be
hungry, no one would be homeless and no one would be lonely or without
love.  Good people wouldn't die young and there wouldn't be any children
being abused or taken advantage of.  Seeing there are people who do suffer
from these problems, we can conclude that life isn't fair."

"But how does that help me?  I only have one problem.  It's just that I
don't want to be gay."

"Look son.  Sometimes life deals you a bum hand.  If this is the worst
thing that ever happens to you, you can count yourself among the fortunate
few.  You have your health, you have your family and you are loved.  Being
gay isn't life threatening, well, not in and of its self.  If life gives
you lemons you have to learn to make lemon-aide.  In your case, that means
if you're gay then you have to learn to do the best with it that you can.
You have to find a way to make yourself happy but, at the same time, learn
to keep it from doing you any harm."

"Wouldn't it just be easier for me to pretend that I'm straight?"

"Logan don't take this wrong but this situation brings to mind an old
expression one of my coaches used to use.  'You can't make chicken salad
out of chicken shit.'  What that would mean is that you can't make what you
want unless you have the right ingredients.  In your case, that would mean
that you can't become straight when you don't have the correct feelings and
attractions.  You can't make love to a girl or a woman if you don't get
aroused from seeing their bodies and your penis doesn't become erect from
this arousal.  That would be like trying to use a cooked piece of spaghetti
as a key."

"Then what am I going to do?"

"Have you thought about taking to this boy, ah.what's his name, about how
you feel?"

"His name is Seth and NO I can't talk to him about it."

"Why not?"

"What if he's not gay?  He'll hate me and he'll tell everyone else about
me.
  I'd loose him as a friend and, then, I'd probably loose all my other
friends as well."

"If you don't tell him, you'll never have the chance to find out if you
could be friends or even lovers.  Life is all about taking chances and
sometimes you have to take a chance to get what you want."

"And sometimes you take that chance and you lose."

"That's true but you'll never find out if either one will come true unless
you take that chance.  You know, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Logan,
I think I've told you this little expression before.  You pass this way but
once.  That means that you only get one life and one chance to live it.
You won't have other chances to come back and make the decisions you
refused to make before.  What you decide today will affect all of your
tomorrows.  Think about this carefully because whatever you decide will set
the course for the rest of your life.  Even non-action is a choice which
can effect how you will live the rest of your life."

"Dad I'm not old enough to make this decision.  I need your help.  PLEASE.
Please help me."

"I can only point out your possible choices but you'll have to make this
decision for yourself.  I can live with choices that I make for myself and
you should have that same opportunity.  You shouldn't be saddled with
regrets from decisions that others make for you in error, no matter how
well intentioned they are."

"OK but what are my choices."

"Good.  I'm glad to see you're ready to address this problem.  As I see
things, you have four possibilities.  First, you can pretend that the
problem doesn't exist.  This means that you don't tell Seth how you feel
and you'll never discover how he feels about you.  You'll never have the
opportunity to gain a lover or lose a friend because your choice would be
to hide your feelings and to do nothing about your desires.

"The second choice would be that you tell Seth how you feel and he rejects
your sexual advance.  Although he doesn't want to be your lover, he still
wants to be your friend.  He says nothing to anyone else and no one ever
finds out, at least not from him, that you're gay.

"The third choice would be that you tell Seth how you feel and he rejects
you completely.  This time you'd know there was no future for the two of
you but you would have to deal with the rejection, the loss of a friend or
friends and the possibility of ridicule, physical abuse or worse.

"The final choice would be that you tell Seth how you feel and, then,
discover that he feels the same way about you.  You might become lovers and
stay together for a long time or you might enjoy a brief but intense fling.
That is how I see your options and I can't imagine any others.  The rest
will be up to you and you'll have to decide which option you want to choose
and, then, wait to see which outcome it follows.

"To sum up your choices: you can do nothing, you can approach Seth and be
rejected but nothing more, you can approach Seth and be rejected with
severe consequences or you can approach Seth and find out that he feels the
same as you."

"I don't know dad.  I don't know what to do.  What would you do if you were
me?"

"Logan, if this decision were mine I'd talk to Seth and let the chips fall
where they may."

"But where would I tell him?  I couldn't do this at school."

"Why don't you invite him here for the weekend and then you'd have all the
time you need to discuss this with him."

"Yeah, that would be great.  You wouldn't mind if I asked him to stay
over."

"No, not at all and I'll fill your mother in on what's going on.  Be brave
Logan.  I know this was a tough decision but it's going to be even tougher
to see it through.  Keep up your courage and follow your heart.  If it's
meant to be then it will happen.  If not, you've lost nothing but the
uncertainty of what the future might hold."

"Dad, I really want to do this but I'm still scared that Seth will end up
hating me.  How am I going to tell him?"

"You could tell him like you told me."

"No, that's too.well it's too.direct.  I can't just say 'hey, Seth, guess
what?  I'm gay and I like you a lot.  Would you be interested in having sex
with me?'  Can I?"

"Well that might be a bit too forceful.  Maybe you could see if he might
want to do something minor with you."

"Like what?"

"If I remember correctly, boys your age sometimes masturbate together, as a
learning experience.  Maybe you could ask him if he'd like to try that?"

"You think I should ask him if he wants me to jerk him off?"

"Not exactly.  You could ask him if he does it and then ask him if he wants
to do it at the same time.  You each do yourself but do it so both of you
can see what the other is doing.  After you've started, then you might ask
him if he wants to do you or if you could do him."

"But what if he says no?"

"Then you'll know that he's not interested in that kind of activity.  Don't
just listen to his words, though.  Watch his face for expressions and his
body for clues.  He might say one thing but mean another.  You can tell by
looking at his facial expressions and his body movements to see if he
really means what he says or if he is just saying it because he is fearful
of your reaction."

"Dad, I'm not sure if I can handle it if he turns me down.  I mean, he's
all I think about.  He's the only one that I care for in that way.  I've
never felt these feelings about anyone else."

"I know, Logan.  First loves can be a painful experience.  Your insides are
all tied up in knots, you have trouble breathing and you can't think of
anything else.  Your heart is always racing, you're constantly sweating and
your little buddy is always rock hard.  It's a real tough time, when you're
going through adolescence, but you've got to realize that you'll fall in
love many times during your lifetime.  Some of these loves will work out
and others won't.  If this one doesn't become what you want it to be then
there will be others that will.  You just have to be patient and take
things as they come.  You can't try to force things that weren't meant to
be because they'll only fall apart later.  Talk to him, go with your gut
instincts and follow your heart but don't try to make something happen if
there is nothing there."

"I think I understand what you're saying, dad.  I hope that I can do what
you've told me.  Thanks.  I'm glad you're my father.  I've heard other guys
talk about their dads and they say that they can't talk to them about
things like this.  I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have you.
Thanks again, dad.  You know that I love you."

"Yes, Logan, I know and I hope this works out the way that you want it to."

"So do I, dad.  So do I."  I stayed in my room after dad left.  I thought
about Seth, what I was going to say to him, how I was going to ask him and
about how I thought he might react.  I fell asleep with all of these
thoughts racing through my mind.

Thursday morning came and I got ready for school.  I was so nervous just
thinking about asking Seth to stay over that I don't know how I'll ever be
able to ask him about the other.  Man, I'm shaking and I haven't even seen
Seth yet.  What the hell is going to happen when we're face to face?  Dad
took me to school this morning and he wished me luck when I left the car.
I thanked him again and went off to face my destiny.

I saw Seth in our first period class and he was all cheerful and full of
smiles.  I wanted to ask him there but there were too many other people
around.  I saw him in third period and, then, I saw him at lunch.  I wanted
to ask him then but my other friends wouldn't let us talk or be alone.
Then an opportunity in seventh period passed by.  Eighth period study hall
went by and now we were in last period art class.  There was no opportunity
during this class, either, so I grabbed his arm as the period ended,
keeping him behind in the classroom.

"What's up, Logan?"

"I just wanted to talk to you alone for a minute.  How would you like to
come to my house tomorrow and spend the weekend?"

"I probably could come for tomorrow night and Saturday but I'd have to be
home on Sunday.  We already have family plans."

"That's OK for me, if you want to come over?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

"Good.  Check with your parents and give me a call at home tonight to let
me know for sure.  If you can come, bring your things to school tomorrow
and one of my parents will pick us up after practice."

"Sounds like a plan."

We left the classroom and went to practice.  We both looked really good in
the drills and then we headed for the showers.  I was going to stay behind
and wait until Seth had a chance to shower before I went in but he wasn't
about to leave me behind.

"Come on, slowpoke.  What's the problem?"

"I'm just a little tired and sore.  I'm not moving quite as quickly as I
normally do."

"I don't know.  You've been moving slow a lot lately," he paused.  "Well,
let's get going.  I don't want to stand here like this all night."

He would have to say that.  I looked up to see his lithe naked torso and I
began to pop another rod.  I threw my towel over my lap to cover it up and
I hoped that Seth didn't notice my predicament.  I was lucky before and I
wondered how long my luck would hold out.

"You know," Seth began, "you really ought to do something about that
thing."

Oh, god.  I was caught.  I must have turned beat red because I felt my face
and ears burn from the embarrassment.

"Hey," Seth continued.  "You don't have to get that uptight about it.  It
happens to all of us.  I just thought it was nice that it keeps happening
when I'm around."

Oh, damn.  He knows.  What the hell am I going to do now?  How's he going
to react to me now that he knows that I'm getting boners because of him?
Oh, god.  I'm going to die.

"Come on.  If you let the water run a little colder it will help you get
rid of that thing.  You don't have to be embarrassed around me, though.  I
don't mind.  You're my friend and things like that don't bother me.  Come
on, let's get cleaned up and get out of here.

		*    *     *     *     *     *     *     *

If you enjoyed reading this story, you will find other stories by me at
http://www.teenboyauthors.org/thewolf/, in the 'Other Stories' section.
E-mails may be sent to: bwstories44@hotmail.com.