Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1999 21:30:08 +0100
From: Pete Cathcart <pete@petros-world.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Young Love, Chapter 3

Young Love
Chapter 3
By Petros <petros@petros-world.freeserve.co.uk>

The following is a work of fiction based on a true story. Very much of what
follows was real, with some fantasy thrown in. Which is which isn't really
important (chances are you'll be able to tell). All important information,
like place names and people's real names have been omitted and changed to
protect their anonymity, therefore any resemblance to real life people,
places or events is coincidental.

 The story describes sexual relationships and acts between minors of the
same sex.  If this offends you or is illegal in your locality then please
do not read on.

I've tried to tell things the way they happened but the accuracy of this
tale relies on my memory. I've changed some of the dialogue to
internationalise the story a bit.  Enjoy.


Chapter 3


I hardly slept that night. I lay awake thinking about what happened at
lunch time. It took a while for me to realise why I felt so bad about what
happened. I slowly and somewhat unwillingly accepted that it's wasn't what
had happened that concerned me, more who it had happened with: Jamie. He
was a good friend, he wouldn't tell anyone or anything, but he was only
ever going to be a friend. As silly as it seems I wanted my first sexual
experience to have been with Derek. That didn't happen though, but it
didn't stop me wanting him. The only trouble was going to be getting at
Derek; I didn't really know him and he knew nothing about me. We had no
classes together and I knew of nothing we had in common so far. Much as it
hurt me, I conceded to myself that it was never going to happen, and if I
couldn't have Derek I didn't want anybody. I was going to go straight and I
wouldn't let anything like that happen again.

These were brave words, I realised on my walk to school the next morning,
and my self certainty began to fail as I thought about my adventure the
previous day. I was determined though. I was sure I didn't want to be gay
and I thought that if I acted straight, I'd be straight.

I surprised myself by sticking to my plan. Really great plan it proved to
be too. I'd built up a wall around myself and I refused to let anyone come
through. I became more distant and withdrawn from my friends. They all
noticed the change in me but I wouldn't talk about it, or admit there was
anything different or 'wrong'. My friends all stood by me though. I made it
through the rest of the year without any further incidents. Things had
changed between Jamie and I, we seemed to grow further apart. We certainly
never spoke of what happened that fateful day.

I stuck my head down and concentrated on my school work. It paid off and I
had a good year academically, followed by a cold lonely summer. My birthday
passed uneventfully just before the end of summer. Having made subject
choices of maths, English, chemistry, physics, geography, German, biology
and computing, I made my preparations to return for a challenging year.

The first day of third year arrived and I set off for school, an unusually
sombre fourteen-year-old. I got to school in plenty of time and made my way
to the office to be assigned a registration room. I met Steven outside the
office. "Petros!" he greeted me with outstretched arms. I obliged him and
moved in to receive his hug.

"Stevie! How are you?" I was genuinely pleased to see him. He'd been away
for most of the summer and I'd missed his company.

"I'm great, Spain was fantastic," he said turning to walk back the way I'd
just come, "we're with Mr Murphy again, same place." I followed him
eagerly.

We arrived back in the music room that served as our register room to find
about half the class already there. None of our group was present yet, so
we took our seats to await their arrival.

The rest of the class arrived slowly in ones and twos. It was about 20
minutes before our group was assembled. We sat exchanging small talk and
tales of summer exploits amongst each other. I felt slightly left out,
having nothing but tales of moping around my house to share. The timetables
were issued and Mr Murphy went through, at great length, the procedures for
the year and informed us of any new regulations. Registration lasts for 2
hours on the first day. After one hour I couldn't wait to get out. By the
time it was over my mind was completely numb.

When the bell finally rang the whole class rushed outside, desperate for a
break.  Jenni was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. Her
registration class, it turned out, had been moved just down the corridor
form mine. "How you doing gorgeous?" I asked, smiling broadly. I was
starting to see how much I'd been missing all of my friends.

"Great, thanks," Jenni replied. Jenni had made absolutely sure that she
kept in touch with me over the vacation, she genuinely cared about
me. Either that or she wanted in my pants. I pretty sure that it was the
former that was true.

We didn't have a lot of catching up to do, so we got down to the business
of comparing time tables. I was in her classes for maths and physical
education.  (PE).  Steven was time-tabled to join me in English and German,
Gary and Neil were in my geography class we'd discovered earlier.

The interval ended and I made my way alone towards my first class of the
day, computing. I knew I was the only one from my register class taking
this class so I had a bad feeling that I was going to be quite alone.

I wasn't exactly sure where my room was, so by the time I got there the
class was pretty full with only one table left at the back of the
room. Great, I though, now I get to sit by myself too!

The teacher, Mr. Morrison, sat at the front of the room busy with some
paper work.  He still had his radio on, tuned to some oldies station.

"I can feel a new expression on my face," the Searchers sang,

"I can feel a glowing sensation taking place,"

I heard someone open the door and looked up. To my amazement I saw Derek
enter the room. He looked around and made his way towards the last empty
seat. Beside me! My heart started racing, I could hardly control my
excitement.

"I can hear the guitars playing, lovely tunes,"

"Every time that you. walk in the room".

Mr Morrison stood up and turned the radio off. It didn't matter, they'd
sung enough.  "Hiya," I whispered at Derek as he sat down. He turned and
smiled at me before looking back to the front. Mr Morrison welcomed us to
the class and began making his way round the room handing out text
books. Derek turned back and looked at me. After a moment he spoke.

"I'm sure I know you from somewhere, but I can't find a name". I was
grinning uncontrollably. Somehow he remembered me. I knew it was wishful
thinking but I couldn't help hoping it was for the same reasons I had.

"Yeah, we met a year ago, playing football down on the fields," I blurted
out.  Woops. How weird must I sound?

"Oh, right"

"Sorry, It's Petros", I added, offering him a hand. As he shook it I
remembered the same soft gentle touch I'd first experienced a year ago. My
desires were re-awoken as the flame I had held all this time was rekindled
by his touch.  It had been so long since I'd last seen him, I'd almost
forgotten how stunningly attractive he was, I didn't think it was possible
but he seemed better looking now than when we'd first met.

Once all the books were distributed, the teacher began to hand out course
guides, which outlines all the topics and assessment in the course, and
told us to take ten minutes to read through them. I took that opportunity
to make further conversation with the stud I'd dreamed about for so
long. "So, what classes are you doing this year?" I asked, trying to sound
casual. He pulled his time table out to show me.

"Maths, English, Modern Studies, French, Standard grade PE, Chemistry and
this" he answered. My heart sank a little, as I examined his timetable and
found he was in totally different maths, english and chemistry
classes. Shame, I thought - I'd have liked to share some chemistry with
him.

I looked again at his timetable and I could hardly contain my delight when
I found that we were in the same classes for Social Education and, more
importantly, core PE! Wow, I'd be showering and changing with the gorgeous
guy sitting next to me.


Lunch time came around and I started to make my way homewards. I met Jenni
on the way across the playground. "Hi Jenni!" I said cheerily.

"Wow, " she replied, "what's got you in such a good mood?"

"Oh, nothing. You wanna come back to mine for lunch?"

"Yeah sure." We started down the hill towards my house.

We arrived at my house, a Victorian semi-detached house, now just over a
hundred years old, in one of the nicer areas of my town. My parents weren't
loaded, but they lived comfortably.  My mother's Audi wasn't in the drive,
so we had the house to our selves.

I opened the door and made led Jenni through to the dining room. "So, have
you got lunch with you, or will I make you something?"

"Depends what you're offering." She grinned.

"Hold on," I said walking through to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and
poked around, "Pizza Ok?"

"Ok, you've twisted my arm." I set the oven and put the pizza in to bake
before making my way back to sit with Jenni. "So, what's up?" she quizzed
me.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been a real misery for god-knows-how long, and all of a
sudden, first day back and you look like you've just won the lottery or
something". She reached out and placed her hand on top of mine.

I knew I could trust Jenni, she was about the best friend I could possibly
hope for. I wanted to tell her so much, I needed to share my feelings with
someone. I thought for a moment before starting, "Jenni, I think I've
fallen in love."

"Wow, that's amazing!" she said with her face lighting up. I hadn't
imagined her being so happy for me. "That's why you're so happy. Who's the
lucky girl?"

I began to blush. How was I going to explain this? "Actually I think that's
the reason I've been so unhappy." She looked puzzled. I hesitated, not sure
how to continue.

"Why should that make you so unhappy?"

"Well, it's not exactly a girl I've fallen for," I paused and took a deep
breath, "I think I'm gay".

To say I hadn't anticipated her reaction would be an understatement. Her
face fell and a look of total horror overcame her. Before I could speak she
burst into tears, sobbing hysterically. "Jenni?"  I reached out to her. She
pushed me away and jumped up, knocking the chair over, and ran from my
house.

"Fuck!" I shouted as the front door slammed. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" What the
hell had I just done? Only now that it was too late did I realise why she
cared for me so much. She loved me. She thought I was going to confess my
undying love for her. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I collapsed back
into my seat and began crying.

I didn't give a thought to her telling everyone that I was queer, it didn't
cross my mind. I felt so sorry for her and I hated myself for being so
insensitive. I knew I'd lost here, and ruined everything. If only I could
turn back time.

I sat there at the table sobbing for at least half an hour before I found
myself coughing. I opened my eyes and saw the room filling with thick black
smoke. Oops, there goes lunch. I fought my way through the smoke to the
kitchen and turned the oven off and opened the door to let it cool. I
opened the window a fraction before picking up my bag and leaving for
school.

I wandered slowly up the hill, but my mind was racing; trying to work out a
way to fix things up and get Jenni back. I could tell here I was just
fucking with her and ask her out. That ought to fix things, but I really
needed her as a friend and I didn't want to risk hurting her more. I could
try apologising, but I didn't know if that'd be enough. I had no idea how
deep here feelings for me ran. Would she even give me a chance to talk, and
try to explain things?

I arrived at the school gates to be confronted by Steven. He greeted me
with a stern look. "What's going on Petros?" he demanded.

"What?" I asked, trying to find out what he knew.

"You and Jenni. You should have seen the state she was in when she got
back.  What happened?" Thank God for small mercies, it didn't look as if he
knew.

"I know. I'm sorry, we were talking and I told here something she really
didn't want to hear." I could feel tears welling in my eyes, "I didn't mean
to hurt her." I broke down and started sobbing. Any anger that had been in
Steven's face fell away as his look changed to one of sympathy.

"I'm sorry," he said putting an arm round me, "I was just worried about
her. I didn't know what had happened."

"Thanks," I said through sobs.

"I don't suppose you want to tell me what you were talking about?"

"No. Not yet."

The first bell saved me from anymore awkward questions. Steven took his arm
back and we walked in silence to the main building and climbed the stairs
to our German class. The period passed slowly, and without excitement. Once
it had ended I made my way back down to the ground floor for Social
Education. I passed Jenni on the way, she just looked down and kept
walking. I felt crushed.

I arrived in the SE class and took at seat at a table with a few guys I
knew, Richard and Tim, from my primary school. They weren't friends, more
like acquaintances.  "Hey guys." I greeted them without enthusiasm.

I sat staring at the desk, wrapped up in thought when I heard someone take
the last seat at the table, beside me.

"Hey Pedro!" I looked round to see Derek grinning broadly at me. I smiled,
but even his appearance was not enough to life my spirits.

"Hi Derek." I said as cheerily as I could manage.

"Hey Dez!" Richard greeted him.

"Alright Ritchie?" Derek replied.

Richard introduced Derek and Tim while I returned to my contemplation. I
knew that Jenni would need some space and time, but I was scared that if I
left things the way they were for too long, she'd drift even further away
and I might never get her friendship back. I still wasn't sure, but I had
an idea about what I should do.

The period ended and Derek walked with me to the gates. "Pedro, is
everything ok?" I wondered if he'd ever get my name right. It was kind of
sweet though so I let it pass by.

"Yeah, I guess. I fell out with Jenni today and I'm just a bit down"

"I thought something was wrong. Jenni Wilson? Were you two an item?" Wow,
he's stunningly attractive and sensitive too. Couldn't ask for much
more. Except, well, you know.

"Yeah, and no. We were just good friends."

"What happened?" he asked. I was dying to tell him, but I knew deep down it
wouldn't help my cause. Unless he was too. But he probably wasn't, so I'd
better take things slowly I told myself.

"Kinda personal. Promise I'll tell you later though"

"Cool."

"I just hope I can get everything sorted and back to normal."

"Well, good luck buddie", we had reached the gate, "see you later"

"Later mate." I said as I turned to walk home.

I arrived at my house to find my mum in the driveway, washing her car. I
hoped she'd keep it until I turned 17, so I could drive it the way it was
built to be driven.  "Hi love. How was school?" She looked up from her
washing, smiling.

"Fine" I replied, forcing a smile. My mum was an intimidating woman,
standing about 6' tall. She held a black belt at Judo when she was a little
younger. She really cares about me but is a bit over protective and always
thinks she knows best. I didn't want to have to explain what happened
between Jenni and me.

"Have a nice lunch, did you?" Oops, I'd forgotten about that.

"Umm, no, I sorta burnt it. Sorry."

"It's OK," she said sternly, "I've cleaned it up, like I always do."

"Thanks." I'm not sure what I'd do without her around. I went inside and
discarded my bag before dropping onto the couch to watch TV. Nothing but
Children's TV, which sucks, so I put a video on.; Star Wars, Episode V, The
Empire Strikes Back.  It doesn't matter how many times I watch the trilogy,
I don't think I'll ever tire of them. I lay there for a couple of hours,
switching back to the TV when Neighbours came on, until teatime.

Once I'd eaten I retired to my room, lifting the cordless phone handset on
my way. I couldn't wait any longer, I had to try and reach out to Jenni. I
hadn't given her long, but it might be enough. Either way, this was eating
away at me inside. I took a deep breath and picked up the handset, from
where I'd set it on my bed. Crossing my fingers on the hand I held the
phone will I pressed 'Talk' and began to dial. It started ringing.

"Hello?" her mum answered the call.

"Hi, Mrs W. Can I speak to Jenni please?" I tried to sound normal but she
guessed something was wrong.

"I'll just call her. Is there something going on that I should know about?
Jennifer seemed quite upset after school today and hasn't come out of her
room since."

"I don't think I can tell you about it," I said beginning to feel like a
broken record.

"Well, you know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, don't you?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Hold on then." I heard her calling for Jenni. No response. Footsteps and
muffled conversation followed. "I'm sorry Peter, she said she doesn't want
to talk to you just now."

"Oh. Ok, thanks," I tried to kill the conversation there and get off the
line. I felt so disheartened. I started thinking she'd never speak to me
again. Not after what I'd done. Hold on a minute, I thought. What have I
done? I was only being honest with her, it was her that took offence to
what I told her. If she'd been open with me then this wouldn't have
happened. Did she realise how difficult that'd been for me?  Suddenly I
started to feel quite hard done by.

"I'll talk to her, see if I can get her to call you later. This sounds
important."

"Thanks"

"Ok, bye bye sweetheart". With that she hung up.

I was still upset, but I started to feel quite angry. My supposed best
friend had rejected me because I was gay. I knew that it was more
complicated than that, but I couldn't stop that thought from running
through my head.

More than ever I knew I had to speak to her. Could she really be so
prejudiced and so shallow? I needed to know. I sat for at least half an
hour before I picked up the phone and started dialling again.

"Hello?" a voice answered.

"Hi, Steven. It's Petros. Listen, if you're not busy, I'd really like to
see you tonight."


To be continued...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And that, ladies and gentlemen, was chapter 3. You know where to find
Chapter 4, expect it in a couple of days. I can promise the there will be
some sights worth seeing.

As always, comments & criticism appreciated. Tell me what you think, do you
like it, do you hate it? Does it do anything for you?

I'm working on my new web site just now, it'll be up real soon now. You'll
be able to find the latest chapters, previews and background information
there.  Check out http://www.petros-world.freeserve.co.uk/ over the next
few days.

Petros. 
mailto: petros@petros-world.freeserve.co.uk