From: elf@coho.halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.wizards
Subject: The alt.sex FAQ, Part 6: BETTER SEX
Date: 23 Jul 1996 19:10:19 GMT
Organization: Northwest Nexus Inc.
Originator: superdj@marge.cs.mcgill.ca (David Johnson)
Moderator: elf@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg)
Archive-name: alt-sex/faq/part06

BETTER SEX

It is perhaps a shame that while we live in one of the most advanced 
cultures in the world and yet know so little about how to make each 
other happy in that most human of all endeavors, sex.  With a few 
small additions to your sexual vocabulary you can break out of 
boredom and lead happier, more satisfying sex lives.  Here in this 
FAQ we'll look at three important additions to one's sex life: 
position, time, and location.


	SEXUAL POSITIONS

Man on top.

Everybody starts out in this so-called "missionary position": man on 
top, woman on the bottom, face-to-face.  It's where we were when most 
of us lost our virginity.  This position gets a lot of bad press 
these days because it's "old-fashioned," or perhaps because it's 
"patriarchal."  Actually, there's nothing wrong with this position; 
it affords excellent support for thrusting, close intimate contact 
between lovers, and is an ideal position for conception.  The woman 
may lie with her legs spread wide and to the sides, or may draw them 
up to her chest.  In either position, the man cannot reach her vulva 
for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach her breasts.

A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or on 
the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on the floor 
for thrusting.  For heavyset men it can reduce the weight he places 
upon his partner, and allows for both partners to reach their 
genitals.  Although technically regarded as "superior" to traditional 
missionary position by many sex therapists, most people who actually 
have sex feel this position is less "intimate."

A third variant of man-on-top is one in which the woman lies on her 
stomach and the man penetrates her from behind.  For many women, this 
position can stimulate the G-spot; however, it can also cause the 
penis to strike the cervix, causing pain.  While this position has 
many of the disadvantages of any position where two people are not 
face-to-face, it is still popular with some couples.


Woman on top.

This position is highly recommended in the few "how to lose your 
virginity" manuals still lying around, mostly because it allows the 
woman to fully control the speed at which sex occurs.  There are 
several different positions classified as "woman on top."  The most 
common is that she straddles his hips, taking his penis inside her, 
and then lies atop him, either with her legs bent or stretched out.  
She may also choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up and 
down; this position is both visually stimulating for the man and 
allows him to play with her breasts freely.

Occassionally in adult movies one may see this position done with the 
woman facing away from her partner.  While the sensations giving to 
both partners in this position are very different and may be very 
stimulating, most people feel the loss of intimacy involved is not 
worth the difference.


Sitting.

This position is for sex in slow motion; the angles are all wrong for 
any sort of vigorous thrusting.  The man sits in a chair or 
cross-legged on the floor while the woman sits astride him, usually 
face-to-face although it can work equally well if she faces away.  
This position is good for caressing and intimacy.  Some people 
recommend rocking chairs for this position.


Standing.

Reminiscent of "quickies" and illicit sex in alleyways, standing is 
actually one of the more complicated positions to achieve, at least 
face-to-face.  Insertion can be difficult; standing, the vagina is 
not tilted forward for easy access.  Since women are on average 
shorter than their male partners this position may require a short 
footstool or convenient staircase step to make it possible.  At any 
rate, someone may want a friendly wall to hold both of them up during 
this act.

Another variant of standing is similar to the third one in man- 
on-top; the woman faces the wall or bookcase or whatever she's using 
to hold herself up and the man penetrates her vagina from behind.  
This position is considerably easier than face-to-face standing, and 
many people like it for it's "naughty" or "illicit" connotations.


Side-by-side

These positions all mirror the "on top" positions, except that the 
partners now lie on their sides on the bed.  They can be achieved 
face-to-face, at an angle or from behind.  The one difficulty with 
this position face-to-face is that someone has to rest their leg atop 
their partners; after only a few minutes this sometimes causes 
cramping and pain.   Done when the woman faces away from the man, it 
can be slow, relaxing; one can almost fall asleep comfortably like 
this.  In this position, it is known as "spooning."  (The term 
applies mostly to the act of sleeping in that position, not 
necessarily the act of sex.)


Rear-entry

Although several positions already described can also be covered 
under this term, most people use this term to describe the position 
in which the woman kneels on her hands and knees while the man enters 
her from behind.  Some people strongly dislike this position because 
of the lack of intimacy and the suggestion of male "dominance"; 
others like it for the freedom and strength that can be employed 
during the act of intercourse.  The term "doggy style" has been 
employed to describe this position in the past, although this 
descriptive is inaccurate at best.


TIME

When should we have sex?

When you have sex is a decision you will start to make only after 
you've gotten through the initial "all the time!" stage.  Eventually, 
though, any person will develop a habit of making love with a certain 
pattern.  Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking 
that pattern can be the road to a new discovery.

If you and your partner are prone to making love only at night, try 
it for breakfast instead.  Run home during lunch for a quickie.   No 
time is more significant to lovemaking than any other, except that 
the time be good for both you and your partner.


LOCATION

Where should we have sex?

In bed, to start with.  Seriously, there is no "better" place to make 
love than a bed.  It's designed to hold people lying down; it's even 
designed for them to be a little rambunctious.

However, like time of day, location can become boring with 
repetition.  Moving your sex life into a different room can be as 
much of a change as night and day.  For starters, try the living 
room; most have a couch.  Spread a blanket on the floor, start a fire 
in the fireplace if you have one, feed each other small, intimate 
snacks like grapes and champagne, and enjoy.  A quickie on the 
kitchen floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal) can be fun as well.


What about the shower?

The shower, as well as the swimming pool, have their disadvantages.  
For one thing, lubricant doesn't last very long in environments of 
such overwhelming volumes of water.   For another, usually the only 
position available is standing, with all of the attendant problems of 
differences in height.  Another common problem is that the floor of 
most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on 
it!  However, it's frequently the only place other than the bedroom 
where both of you are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially 
in winter.  Don't let all the "problems" listed here stop you from 
trying out what could become one of your favorite places to make love.


And outdoors?

Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards.  Many people 
feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature; others feel it is more 
illicit, "in full view of the whole sky."  If you're going to have 
sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time 
to bring a blanket.  Avoid using bug spray and sun block until 
afterwards-- both taste awful.  On the other hand, sunburns on your 
genitals can be excrutiating; take care.

Caveat lover...

Having sex in strange places is a turn-on for many.  How strange a 
place you want to make love is a matter of some concern of course, 
since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in full 
view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary.  
Getting arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the 
attention of your employer as well.  Plan any such dalliances in 
advance and scope out your intended rendezvous point for possible 
problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if necessary.  And 
whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash can; 
stopping litter isn't just good citizenship, here's it's a matter of 
sheer good taste.

--

Elf Sternberg               	I'm not inclined to write pompous
elf@halcyon.com             	books about unanswerable questions.
Public key available        	That strikes me as a tremendous waste
http://www.halcyon.com/elf  	of time.
                            			- Stephen Jay Gould