Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:01:50 EDT
From: Suck4Straight@aol.com
Subject: Rough Trade II

       SADOMASOCHISM 101: Sadomasochistic Dimensions of Rough Trade

WHAT IT IS
Sadomasochism, for both the dominant and the submissive partners, is
essentially a technique for heightening the level of tension, both
through elaborate foreplay and in the sexual act itself, in order to
increase the intensity of release in the orgasm. It is this heightened,
intensified sexual experience that the sadomasochist is after and it is
in pursuit of this sexual thrill that he seeks out a complementary
partner with whom to engage in a dominance/submissive scene. This
heightened sexual thrill, often fueled by a sense of shame, is involved
as a dynamic at play in a broad range of sexual encounters beyond those
that are self-consciously sadomasochistic.

SADOMASOCHISTIC DIMENSIONS OF "ROUGH TRADE"
The particular type of encounter I will be discussing here is not the
S&M scene with leather costumes, shaved heads, torture instruments,
bondage and such. These S&M people have their own world and I respect
it. But here, instead, I want to concentrate on the sadomasochistic
aspects of the much more common occurrence: a "rough trade" blowjob--that
is, an encounter between a straight-identified (i.e., predominately
heterosexual) man and a submissive male fellator.

This kind of nonrecipricatory relationship often has a sadomasochistic
dimension to it because "rough trade" is by its very nature, always
necessarily unbalanced and one-sided in terms of power: there is always
only one man who can be "The Man" in this kind of arrangement between two
men --because the top never reciprocates.  The fact that the submissive
partner is doing something for the dominant partner that he himself would
never do for any other man, is humiliating in itself--he's a "sucker"
in both a figurative and literal sense--to be used, dominated, and maybe
even abused. The humiliation here is experienced by both the partners as
delicious.

THE LINK BETWEEN SHAME & SEXUAL AROUSAL
Among the most common features of a "rough trade" blowjob is the sense
of shame felt and expressed by the bottom. Humiliating verbal assault by
the sadistic partner is a common way of eliciting shame in the
masochist--calling him a cocksucker, queer bastard, homo, etc. Other
dominating behaviors, such as ordering him around, slapping or spitting
at him, pissing on him, whipping him, etc., are also very common--all are
intended to arouse shameful feelings as well.

One psychologist writes about how shame may become "amalgamated" to
sexual arousal if the two are experienced together enough in
childhood (Kaufman, 1989). After that it becomes an established neural
pathway in the brain--that is, the arousal of shame or fear also
automatically arouses sexual feelings--this is true in the case of both
sadists and masochists. Of course, the "Man" in this scene is
also sexually aroused by the shame and the fear he has elicited in the
masochist. [Gay men, Kaufman explains, are particularly prone to shame,
because of the stigma attached to homosexuality in our culture (Kaufman,
1996)].

A SIMULATION GAME
In the sadomasochistic scene's enactment, however, we are talking about
simulated shame, simulated fear, simulated contempt and anger--fictional
roles assumed for purposes of creating increased tension in the sexual
act and heightening it, which as I stated earlier is the basic aim of
every sadomasochistic gesture. The sadomasochist is addicted to this
heightened feeling.  If the sadist says something like, "Gag on it, you
worthless cocksucker," it is meant to heighten the bottom's sense of
shame at being the object of the dominant partner's sadistic whims, but
it doesn't mean that the bottom thinks he is really worthless, or even
that the top thinks he's worthless--it is just a role that is being
played out in order to maximize the tension in the scene. A heightened
sexual experience is what both partners seek.

WHERE IT COMES FROM
Several psychologists have written about the origins of sadomasochism in
an insufficient resolution of the symbiosis/individuation crisis of the
infant during the second year--when he first realizes he is
different than and separate from the mother (i.e., Shapiro
1981). When such basic autonomy issues survive unresolved into adulthood
it is called an autonomy disorder. People with this autonomy deficit long
to merge with a powerful "Other," thereby transcending the self/other
crisis of individuation, at least symbolically. The idealization of
certain "Others" perceived as powerful, along with a desire to merge with
them symbolically, drives the masochist, according to Shapiro, but the
crisis is never actually resolved by these enactments of symbiosis, of
course. and so the whole process has to be repeated periodically.

THE HOMOSEXUAL HUNGER
For me, however, its not the longing to merge with a female other but a
masculine other that attracts me. Inadequate fathering during my boyhood
created a deep longing in me for an idealized, masculine avatar with whom
to merge temporarily. It is experienced subjectively as a profound hunger
for masculine identification that needs to be fed from time to time.

Since this need for engulfing merger complements the needs of
straight guys just looking for "no strings" blowjobs, our paths have
crossed often. I've sucked off hundreds of them over the last thirty
years. Many otherwise straight guys will let you suck it if there's no
reciprocation. Since there is already an almost "built-in" dominance
hierarchy set up in the rough trade scenario itself, in encounters you
can often talk the dominant partner not only into letting you blow him,
but you might be able to tease some sadistic behavior out of him by
saying self-denigrading things and by acting really submissive (i.e.,
licking his boots, sniffing him out under his nuts, etc.).

In the blowjob itself, he and I become one, his masculinity overshadows
and eclipses my own.  I thereby "import" some of his sense of
assertiveness and autonomy, and thus partially repair the damage caused
by the unresolved infantile autonomy issues at the core of my being.

THE ROLES OF THE SADISTIC STRAIGHT & THE ABJECT GAY
It is understood, however, that the Man is just taking advantage of and
using the gay guy this way in order to feel like a "big man" and to get
his rocks off in a warm, wet, queer mouth. It doesn't mean that he
himself is gay to use a queer this way.  He gets to really lord it over a
submissive guy for twenty minutes or so--until he shoots his load in the
guys mouth or cums all over his face.  The gay guy is using the dominant
partner as well, merging with him and getting a dose of virility to help
patch his damaged ego, only semi-autonomous at best because of early
unfinished developmental tasks which make him predisposed to masochism.

MY OWN CASE
In my own case, sexual desire came "attached" to shame--almost as if they
were "hard wired" together from the start. When my dad would spank me,
for example, I was so scared and humiliated that I would get an
erection--this was years before I could actually come. Other times, as a
boy, when I was afraid (also unrelated to sexual stimulation)--I would
get a hardon.  I didn't know what it meant when my penis got hard, but I
was ashamed of it happening and tried to cover it up. So shame and sexual
arousal began to form a masochistic amalgamation in my mind and also in
my body before puberty.

I first started masturbating in the bathroom when I was eleven and I had
my first orgasm there. After that, I started to masturbate at least
daily, usually two or three times a day for a while. These were real
quick jerk-offs. I didn't really have any fantasies at that time but just
got off on the how my dick would look and feel when it got hard.

But every time I went to the bathroom for another session, I was afraid
that my father would burst in and punish me for jerking off. I wouldn't
know what I would say if that ever happened! I'd get a whipping for sure,
I even imagined him taking off his belt and strapping me right there in
the bathroom.

The tension I had worked up, the fear of being caught and punished and the
shame about doing it in the first place made the release of the resulting
orgasm particularly intense. It is this thrill of sexual intensity that
drives sadomasochist desire. I became addicted to this level of heightened
stimulation in my orgasms before I was twelve.

Later on, when I engaged in masturbation, it was in my own bedroom, so my
fears about being caught and punished were minimized (he never actually
caught me masturbating). But I missed the sense of danger that I had when
masturbating in the bathroom, the fear added to the excitement.  I found
that sometimes I masturbated fantasizing that he had caught me and whipped
me.  These fantasies were based on real fears of the recent past that were
called upon in memory and were indulged in because the element of danger
they suggested added an exciting dimension to the masturbatory session.

The fear and shame associated with the acts made the masturbatory
experience more tension-filled, thereby intensifying the orgasm. Years
later, when I was no longer ashamed of having sex and certainly not afraid
of being punished for it, I still was attracted to the simulation of these
emotions of shame and fear in the sex act to give the sex an "edge."