Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2003 01:32:32 -0400
From: Geek 999 <geek999@earthlink.net>
Subject: Writing Lessons 2

Writing Lesson 2
by Ernie (geek999@earthlink.net)


My previous article, "Writing Lesson" was well received for the most
part. After it appeared in the Nifty Archive I started receiving emails
from a number of people, most of which agreed with the things I said. Some
of these emails encouraged me to write a second article, so here it is.
	English is a wonderful language -- wonderfully eccentric and
chaotic. If your native language is English, chances are that you do _not_
agree with this assessment, but that's only because you're so used to its
lack of logic that you've never realized how bad things are. (*)
	In this article I present common expressions often used wrong, and
pairs (or groups) of words that, although pronounced the same way, have
different meanings. No doubt there are many more such cases, but I can't
possibly list them all.
	Among the many emails I received, one stood out by presenting an
analogy that struck me as very clever. The writer stated that a mispelled
word was like a ripple on the carpet: it doesn't prevent you from walking,
but it can trip you when you least expect it -- and make you fall.
	Finally, two warnings. First, throughout this text I adopted the
British custom of placing periods and commas _outside_ quotation marks
because it makes more sense than putting the periods or commas inside the
quotes. Second (and to prevent complaining emails), I use the masculine
pronoun "he" throughout instead of the clumsy "he or she", "(s)he",
etc. Hey, I know it's male chauvinistic, but it's not my fault that English
has no gender-unspecific pronoun!
	Now let's get down to business.


* alright

This word is neither correct nor incorrect. According to Webster's
Collegiate Dictionary, it is an acceptable alternative spelling for "all
right". The fact that "alright" appeared _after_ "all right", however,
suggests that it is perhaps the result of a misspelling that has gone
uncorrected and adopted by people out of sheer habit.
	All things being equal, "all right" is the better term, and
probably should be preferred.


* blond/blonde

Both words are correct according to the dictionary. However, I prefer to
use "blond" when describing a man, and "blonde" otherwise. The reason for
this preference is that the word comes from French, in which the final "e"
indicates feminine gender.


* could care less

This expression is plain wrong: it should be "couldn't care less" since the
intended meaning is that it would be impossible for a person to care less
than he does -- that is, the fact that he doesn't care at all.
	To realize the difference, change the word "care" to "be". Now say
"it could be less expensive". What does that mean? Literally, that it has
some monetary value but it could be cheaper. For example, if it costs $10,
"it could be less expensive" means that it could cost $9 or any number less
than $10.
	On the other hand, "it couldn't be less expensive" means that there
is no way its price could be reduced, particularly if it is already $0
(nothing).


* could of

Some writers mistakenly use "of" when they mean "have" in expressions such
as "I could of done it". "Of" has no business being in such expressions; it
should be "have" or "'ve", as in "I could've done it".


* cuz/gonna/gotta/ain't/wanna

Little children are prone to saying "cuz" instead of "because" simply
because they don't know better. It's perfectly all right to write "cuz"
when quoting a small child, but otherwise you should use "because" whenever
possible.
	For example, 'The kid answered, "He talked to me cuz he was lonely"
because I asked him'. "Cuz" is a word uttered by the kid, while "because"
(being outside the quotation marks) is part of the story proper.
	Likewise, the popular "gonna", "gotta", "ain't", "wanna" and many
others ("hafta", for example), are okay while quoting words said by one of
the characters of the story, but you should refrain from writing your whole
story that way.
	Also, you should remember that the final "a" in "gonna", "gotta"
and "wanna" is equivalent to "to", not "a". That is to say:

	gonna = going to
	gotta = got to
	wanna = want to

Therefore, an expression such as "I wanna new car" is wrong, since the
meaning is "I want to new car", which is truly meaningless.


* different than

According to my dictionary, "different than" has been in use since the 17th
century, yet it is still considered inferior to "different from", which is
universally accepted as correct.
	Generally speaking, "than" is used when a comparison is made with
"more", "less", "better", or "worse".


* gob/glob

These two words mean slightly different things, but they end up being
interchangeable when the matter referred to is a viscous liquid such as
semen. (This outcome surprised me because I could have sworn that one of
these words was invalid. Looking them up in the dictionary surprised me
even more when I discovered that their meanings are virtually identical.)


* he's/his

"He's" means "he is" or "he has". If you are in doubt whether to use "he's"
or "his", see if the sentence keeps its meaning when you change it to "he
is" or "he has". If the meaning remains the same, use "he's"; if the
meaning is lost or changes, use "his".


* it's/its

"It's" means "it is" or "it has". If this is what you mean, then use the
apostrophe. If not, please remove it. See the entry for "he's/his".


* kewl

Slang words come and go, and what is "in" today might be "out" next
year. For that reason it's better to not use them if at all possible. Of
course this also applies to the interjection "Cool!" (meaning "that's
great!"). But I find it extremely hard to justify the alternate spelling
"kewl" which seems to be all the rage these days.
	It's not in the dictionary. And the "ew" diphthong would make its
pronunciaton "kee-OOL" ("kyool"), which is not the same as "cool". And no
one says "kee-OOL" ever, no matter how illiterate. "Kewl" is totally
uncool.


* lie/lay/laid/lain

"Lie" and "lay" are confused very often, and English makes matters worse by
making the past tense of "lie" (which is "lay") equal to the present tense
of the other (also "lay"). Small wonder so many people get them mixed up!
	"Lie" (lie, lay, lain, lying) is an _intransitive_ verb meaning "to
be in a horizontal position", as in "I lie down on the bed".
	"Lay" (lay, laid, laid, laying), on the other hand, means "to put
down". It's a _transitive_ verb, which means that it must have a direct
object. In other words, you don't just lay, but you lay _something_ or
someone. For example, "I laid the book on the table".


* lose/loose

Both words are pronounced the same, but they are unrelated. "Lose" (a verb)
is the opposite of "find", while "loose" (an adjective) is that of
"tight". As such, you don't "loose a friend", but you _lose_ one.


* meet/meat

Although the pronunciation is identical, the meanings are different. "Meet"
(a verb) means "to get together with" or "to get to know", as in "Pleased
to meet you".
	"Meat" (noun) is something one eats. It's commonly used, in erotic
stories, instead of "penis".


* peak/peek

"Peak" is the top of a mountain. "Peek" is a quick glance made in such a
way that no one notices it.


* sac/sack

"Sack" describes a _rectangular_ bag, such as "a sack of flour". On the
other hand, "sac" is a pouch -- even in the biological or anatomical
sense. For this reason, a scrotum is a _sac_. It's not a sack unless it has
corners!


* shudder/shutter

Both words exist, but writers of erotic stories are most likely to mean
"shudder": to tremble slightly. "Shutter" is a device that shuts (closes)
something -- a window shutter, for example, or a photographic camera
shutter.


* then/than

The pronunciation is very close, but their meanings are different. "Then"
means "at that time" or "in the next moment of time", while "than" is used
in comparisons such as "better than", "smaller than" or "less likable
than".


* they're/their/there

Three words that are pronounced the same but mean different things.
	"They're" is short for "they are". "Their" is the possessive case
of "they". "There" is the opposite of "here".


* this/a

One very common expression is using "this" instead of "a", such as "I have
this boring teacher at school". While not incorrect, it is not entirely
kosher either. Consider that, by definition, the word "this" denotes a
person or thing that your listener knows already, or that it is so near
both you and your listener that no further description is
necessary. Clearly, however, that's not the case -- you are talking about
_a_ teacher at school, apparently without naming him.
	In my opinion, it's better to use the indefinite article "a" (or
"an" depending on the next word), which makes much more sense.


* to/too (and two)

"To" is a preposition/adverb that describes intent or direction, or
indicates that the verb that follows is in the infinitive case. "Too", on
the other hand, means "also" or, with the addition of "much" or "many",
indicates an excessive amount of something. "Two" is just the number 2.


* underware

A very common mistake; the writer means "underwear". This mistake is easy
to make, considering the existence of words such as "glassware",
"software", and "Tupperware". In all those cases, however, "-ware"
indicates a commodity, a whole family of things.
	"Underwear" ends in "-wear" because it's clothing you _wear_.


* we're/were

"We're" means "we are". "Were", on the other hand, is the past tense of "to
be", as in "you were right".


* you're/your

"You're" means "you are". "Your" is the possessive case of "you". See
"he's/his" above for an analogous case.


This completes the second installment. Before I leave, I would like to
encourage the Nifty writers to use a good, large dictionary such as
Webster's Collegiate Dictionary whenever they are in doubt about the usage
of this or that word. If your word processor has a dictionary function, by
all means use it to look up words.
	And always remember the ripple-in-the-carpet analogy: the wrong
word leads to confusion (at least) and irritation (most likely) in the mind
of the reader.
	I'll try to answer all reasonable comments emailed to me. Flames
and rants will be ignored.

*END*

------------------------
(*) You don't think English is chaotic? I came across the following poem
that beautifully illustrates the point: 

   We speak of a box, and the plural is boxes,
   But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
   You may find a lone mouse, or a whole nest of mice,
   But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
   If the plural of man is always called men,
   Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
   When I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet,
   And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
   We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
   But though we say mother, we NEVER say methren!

Q.E.D.